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6 Ways to Find The Right Partner

October 22, 2016 by Power of Positivity

There is no such thing as the “One” perfect partner, but there are some out there that are perfect for you. There are a myriad number of ways to go about finding a partner these days. Work, church, dating sites and recreational activity groups are great places to start. But, you have to know what you are looking for and what to avoid. If you have had a few relationships in the past, you can start by looking at why those relationships failed and whether you tend to fall for the same type of person that ultimately never works out. Are you making the same mistakes over and over again? Take a hard look at who you are choosing and why, then do something different. Einstein said that doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is the definition of insanity, and you might be doing the same thing in your relationships.

Here are six ways to find the right partner for you:

1. Avoid Mr. and Mrs. Wrong

The best partner for a fulfilling relationship is one who is warm, cooperative and emotionally stable. This might seem a little boring at first, but consider car crashes for a second. They are exciting, but would you want to be in one? Exciting times can be dangerous times. Do you want a long-lasting, productive and mutually beneficial relationship? Then, you need to look for the personality traits that will lead to that outcome. The highly attractive but moody artist might seem exciting and sexy until you have endured one of their violent mood swings. Dangerous, exciting and unpredictable might be thrilling, but it is also emotionally exhausting. You want someone who is going to fill your emotional cup, not drain it.

2. Find Someone You Can Talk To

Being able to talk with your partner about important topics is probably worth more than physical beauty, money or power. If you can’t open up with your partner and have them do the same, then you aren’t in a positive relationship. You might fight and bicker from time to time, but you are open and honest about what you are feeling and what you want out of life. There are no surprises for either of you.

3. Avoid Deal Breakers

You might want a family and they are adamantly against it. Maybe they smoke and you can’t stand smoking. There are some things that are just deal breakers, and you should stick to your guns. They may be perfectly acceptable in every other respect, but these things are important to you and will cause issues in the future. There will be recurring arguments and fights over these things, no matter how perfect the relationship is otherwise. There are plenty of people out there that possess the same qualities without the deal breakers, and you shouldn’t stop looking until you find that person.

4. Find Someone Who Makes You Laugh

Some say that laughter is the best medicine, but it is also the best relationship glue. There are going to be tough times, and someone who can take your mind off stressful or emotionally difficulties is worth their weight in gold. Find someone who makes you laugh just about every day. If they can make you laugh at silly or not so obvious things, then it means you are mentally on the same wavelength. It means you see things in a similar way and that your beliefs and desires are pretty similar. It also means they don’t take themselves too seriously and are more laid-back and forgiving.

5. Opposites Attract

This is an old cliché, but it is a cliché for a reason. If you are too similar, then the things that annoy you about yourself will only get reflected back and magnified by your partner. You will drive each other nuts. You will also tend to get bored if they are exactly like you. It is good to have different strengths and weaknesses than your partner. Try and look at it this way. A battery has two poles – a positive and a negative. It could not work if both were positive or both were negative. The positive and negative complement each other, which helps make a battery powerful. Relationships are the same way. Your strengths should complement your partner’s weaknesses and vice versa. This will make for a powerful bond and a productive relationship.

6. Don’t Rush

You are a couple of months into a new relationship and things are going great. You want to move in together and get hitched because you are madly in love. If this is true, then giving it some time to mature will only strengthen your bond, not weaken it. Take the time to get to know the person before rushing into a life-changing partnership. Good relationships, like scotch, only get better with age, whereas bad relationships can sour and turn to vinegar after a time. Find out which it is before jumping into anything permanent.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Things You Need to Know Before Leaving An Abusive Relationship

October 22, 2016 by Power of Positivity

This is a subject that few will dare talk about for obvious reasons, and we are sorry to you that this is something you are going through right now in your life. You feel trapped because they know how to act and are expert liars; I know because I am a male survivor of domestic abuse on more than one occasion, and it is even harder for a man to open up about this.

Before leaving, let us crack on and list the five things to know.

Here are 5 things to consider before leaving an abusive relationship:

1. Leaving is only the first step in recovering from an abusive relationship.

Unfortunately, this is very true. It is a lengthy, arduous journey that we all must take. It will take courage and time to heal, especially when your soon-to-be ex starts telling people how you were the bad egg in the relationship, the weakest link, the one who screwed it up. This is not the case, for the relationship has two participants. The pain of ending something you have had for a period of time is excruciating because you have invested your time and feel like this time has been wasted.

Not so, because now you know what NOT to tolerate. A relationship is supposed to make you happy, not miserable. We must ask ourselves: Is this what we had in mind when we were kids wondering how our future husband/wife would be? The change, including in ourselves, is a must.

2. You may develop PTSD.

This is not a dead certainty, but it is likely to occur, so be prepared. We could be talking about this topic all day, but we will briefly go over how to get over this disorder. Tiny Buddha’s Tom Leveen tells us the steps to take to overcome PTSD:

1) Name the trauma – I kept the darkest parts of my past to myself, worried about how I would be perceived. But the more frequently I share my story now, the more validated I feel. It becomes increasingly apparent that I’m not some kind of freak or aberration.
2) Accept that you “earned” the diagnosis – Frank’s life is Frank’s life. Your life is yours. PTSD and anxiety are not a human being’s natural state of being. Something bad happened to you, and that is not okay. It left a lasting, damaging impression. The only way to begin moving forward, to reclaim our lives, is to let the truth of our story exist in its own authentic way without comparing ourselves to others.
3) Being scared versus being afraid – Being scared is a natural and healthy response to danger. Scared is an adrenalin dump, preparing your body to fight, flee, or freeze. If you are scared, there’s probably a very good and sane reason. “Afraid” is something different. Afraid is how you do life. It’s how you process the world around you: family, friends, career, hobbies, pets . . . everything.
4) The need to forgive – It’s not enough to say the words, even if it’s face-to-face. What matters is that we truly release them and want the best for their lives. That is how we can know we have forgiven them. When we can do that, their power over us and the power of fear begin to wane.

3. Friends and family that you expect, or need, support from may not be capable of providing it.

A problem shared is a problem halved? Not necessarily. People can only relate to you through their own experiences and knowledge. This is the core reason why support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous exist. It is the very reason why I am writing this article. How can you expect someone who has a happy past and present empathise with you? This is YOUR life, to do whatever it is you want or need to do. In your life, your needs come first.

4. Some will not want to hear or believe your story.

Maybe it is happening to them but they do not have the courage to speak out. Maybe your abusive partner has spun a web of lies so convincing that people think you are making it up. Whatever it is, people tend to steer clear of negativity by nature. However, do not be afraid to tell your story if it helps you in life. The movie Forrest Gump is a story made famous by the title character telling his own story.

5. There is potential for re-victimisation from lawyers, therapists and the court system that do not understand domestic violence.

Brace yourself! These people may reopen old wounds, unwittingly or intentionally. You have to be able to deal with how others perceive your struggles. Remember to be on your guard against your soon-to-be ex-spouse’s divorce lawyer, as they could use their lawyer to further abuse you in a legal way. Use domestic violence professionals where possible so that you are prepared for anything intentional. Sadly, anything accidental is beyond anyone’s control and cannot be helped. It is handy to bear in mind that your struggles do not determine who you are, but you can use them to become stronger. Do not let them define you!

6 Habits of Toxic People (And How to Avoid Having Them)

October 22, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Ladies and gentlemen, ready to perform on stage with her hit single “Toxic”, please welcome – BRITNEY SPEARS!

Well, that was a nice dream; now let us get down to business about what it says on the tin, the Six Habits of Toxic People – And How to Avoid Having Them).

Toxic people drive us crazy, do they not? Oops, I did It again… I wanna scream and shout and let it out that toxic people have these six awful habits, and we tell you how to best avoid them yourself.

6 Habits of Toxic People (And How to Avoid Having Them)

All eyes on this!

1. Pick on insecurities of their chosen victims

Instead of helping people and listening to people while vulnerable, they use these touchy subjects to their sadistic advantage by reminding you of what it was and everything that went on in the lead up to it, during it, and the result of the event. Sorry, ladies, but the whole fashion industry preys on your insecurities, according to Arnold Wolf of the Monterey Herald. “The constant renewal of desire depends on several elemental aspects of human nature. The tribal instinct makes us want to conform,” he argues. He later states that if you don clothes considered out of fashion, it leads to negative feedback from others more suitably attired socially. The whole idea is to make you seem out of touch with today.

Here is an off-the-top-of-my-head example: “Get with the times, square Sam! That coat is so last year, get a scarf.” Sam, do not be bullied into wearing a scarf if you do not want one. Remember, you wear the clothes, the clothes do not wear you. Does anyone remember the movie called “Loser”? It is the same with other toxics, like an emotionally abusive partner, using whatever they have to hand against you. If it is status, they will tell you how they are well-connected and how they can use those connections. If it is power, they will talk about how they can use that position. The buzzword here is one Wolf used, conform.

Hit me baby one more time, NOT! The show must go on…

2. Take your seats; it’s showtime!

On the subject of shows, not unlike Britney, toxics love audiences, too. They want to make sure you know they are the ones who matter and they do this in the form of grandstanding. To the toxics, it does not matter if their audience is street full of people or just one person, all that matters is that SOMEONE is listening. Anyone can grandstand, at any time, in any place, in any situation. Britney Spears herself does it as a job, but she also does it with the lyrics in her songs. I, myself, am doing it right now by using her lyrics in this article to help raise awareness about toxic people, but that’s my prerogative.

She’s so lucky, she’s a star. But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart thinking: “Why does it always happen to me?”

3. Points scoring and one-upmanship

The point of this petty exercise for toxics is to feel superior. Note the word “feel” because they are anything but. Anything and everything is considered competition and, naturally, they have to win. If you told your toxic significant other that you just won a camera, they will have told you that they won a state-of-the-art professional Canon in the past, instead of congratulating you. This is a put-down, a master manipulator technique. They also use nasty little comments and destructive criticisms. An example of this is: “How can anyone like that Adele? Her music is so boring and you are a giant douche for listening to it. I love rock ‘n’ roll!”

Just tell them to hush, just stop because now you are stronger than yesterday.

4. Marginalisation – out in the cold

Another tactic they use is this one to make the victim a VUP – a very unimportant person. Social exclusion is very damaging to the VUP, saying things like: “You are not invited, VIPs only.” The VUP can be excluded because of “social class, race, skin color, educational status, childhood relationships, living standards, and personal choices in fashion (see above in Number 1)”, according to the Wikipedia page devoted to social exclusion. It is a psychological form of bullying, where the VUP feels left out of the clique. A small trick here, the “I” and the “U” are next to each other on your keyboard, remember that.

No, they were not born to make you happy, just themselves.

5. Hardball bedlam

Their way or the highway. All or nothing. No in between, and the gloves are off now. Where is the fun for them if you are not fully compliant? So their way is “do as I say or I walk away”. Then come all your foibles in one long, fat list bigger than your arm to make you feel bad and make the atmosphere shaky, with suspense unfolding before you apologise and start shaving your head – at their request! Enjoy doing thy bidding for thine master/mistress.

You are not a slave for them.

6. Mind games

Toxic mind games everyone should know:

Everyone knows mind games when they are taking place. There are seven normal types of mind games people play, as assessed by Gerald Schoenewolf, PhD, of PsychCentral:

a) Disqualifying: This is a method of saying something hurtful to someone and then, when they become hurt, doing a double-whammy by making it seem you didn’t at all mean what they thought you meant.
b) Forgetting: Passive-aggressive personalities play this game. Basically they forget important things like appointments, promises, paying back loans and the like. You wait for them to remember but they don’t, and when you bring it up they reply, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot.” After having to bring it up several times you start to get annoyed. Then they reply, “Oh, I’m really sorry. Are you angry? You seem angry.”
c) Persecuting: Sometimes people project their hatred onto others and persecute them. They are either unaware of their own hatred or they think it’s justified. Once they begin projecting, they look for reasons to persecute.
d) Guilt-tripping: The game here is to make someone feel guilty unless they do what you want them to do. A wife calls her husband a “sexist,” and at first he may protest, but eventually, in order not to be a sexist, he tries to be the kind of husband she wants. A husband tells his wife she’s frigid because he wants her to feel guilty about not having sex with him.
e) Gaslighting: The term “gas-lighting” comes from the classic movie with Ingrid Bergman, in which her husband tries to make her think she’s going crazy because she’s seeing things (such as the gas lights going on and off). When she sees the lights going on and off, he says he doesn’t see that at all. Some very disturbed people use this technique on a hated relative. They say and do things and then deny they ever said them.
f) Shaming: People who play the shaming game express their anger by looking to catch people they don’t like saying or doing something they consider inappropriate. It is the opposite of idealizing someone; it is demonizing someone.
g) Pretending: Pretending can take various forms. A man can pretend to be interested in a woman in order to get laid. A woman can pretend to be attracted to a man in order to lead him on, thereby acting out anger. People can pretend they’re not angry when in fact that are very angry. People can pretend to be your best friend in order to get you to trust them while they hide their real motives. Good pretenders are good actors. Sometimes they even convince themselves that they’re sincere.

Sometimes you run, sometimes you hide, when they come out to “play” day or night.

How to avoid toxic feelings and the bad vibes they bring:

The best way to deal with them is to ignore and avoid if you can. As it is easier said than done, they will push you to the limit and try your patience. If you stay the course, the toxic will just get bored and move on to their next target. It is nothing personal to do with you, they are fighting their own demons and taking it out on you. You can try talking to the toxic tactfully, and explain to them that what they do hurts you. Whether they listen to you or not is another kettle of fish.

Now that you are stronger than yesterday, we hope that you are addicted to us because you know we are not toxic.

Here’s Why You Need to Stop Using Antibacterial Soap

October 21, 2016 by Power of Positivity

What are your thoughts on the soaps? No, not like “Days of Our Lives” in the USA or “Coronation Street” on the other side of the pond – antibacterial soaps.

They may be the mainstay in bathrooms in Salem, Illinois or Weatherfield in Greater Manchester these days, but do they do what it says on the tin or are they not worth the drama?

According to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in the USA, soaps with antibacterial agents, such as triclosan and triclocarban, “do little or nothing to make soap work any better, while the industry has failed to prove they are safe”. Triclosan alone is utilised in more than nine out of ten liquid soaps, with over 2,000 different products said to contain the chemical agent in the USA, say the FDA, with many more throughout the world.

The FDA has stated that there is no scientific evidence to suggest that antibacterial soaps kill germs more effectively normal soaps, despite the industry’s claims. The governing body even goes as far as to say that these agents can do more harm than good. Understandably, this has led to manufacturers pulling hand soap and body wash products containing triclosan and triclocarban from supermarket shelves (toothpastes will continue to use them, especially triclosan).

Why You May Want to Stop Using Antibacterial Soap Immediately

This has not as yet extended to other chemicals like benzalkonium chloride, benzethonium chloride, and chloroxylenol, but the FDA has given makers of antibacterial soap twelve months to show that these do kill germs effectively and are harmless to humans. These will still be available to the general public while data is gathered throughout the year. Also under the microscope will be hand sanitizers and products used in hospitals. The recommended hand sanitizer, according to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, is alcohol-based with at least 60% alcohol content.

So what can happen if you continue to use these soaps over a prolonged period of time? Joseph Stromberg of The Smithsonian Magazine has the inside track:

1. Antibacterial soaps are no more effective than conventional soap and water (already mentioned here).
2. Antibacterial soaps have the potential to create antibiotic-resistant bacteria.
3. The soaps could act as endocrine disruptors.
4. The soaps might lead to other health problems, too.
5. Antibacterial soaps are bad for the environment.

Here’s more info on each of the points we made above:

1. See above.

2. These chemicals, especially triclosan, can mutate the bacteria, making them resistant to antibiotics. Heavy usage of such chemicals will kill most germs, but leave behind the mutated ones to reproduce and wreak havoc, making treatment a lot more difficult.

3. Triclosan also interrupts the regulation of the thyroid hormone of rats and frogs, which could mean the following problems for humans: infertility, artificially-advanced premature puberty, obesity, and cancer.

4. High exposure to triclosan can increase a child’s chances of developing allergies due to the lesser amount of bacteria that a child has to deal with, according to scientific speculation. Evidence has shown that the chemical agent can interfere with muscle contractions in human cells. It is also understood that it can penetrate the skin and enter the blood stream faster than originally thought.

5. Because of the vast quantities of triclosan used in soaps, the chemical can remain after treatment in sewage plants, thus disrupting algae’s need to photosysthise. There is also the risk of the chemical being stored within different food chains in seas and vessels of fresh water globally.

We must use extreme caution with whatever we consume, and we must ask questions regarding the safety of products and not just take someone’s word for it. You have the right to buy chemical-free soap and not expose your body to any harmful chemicals. After all, there is no dress rehearsal for life. Lights, camera, action!

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Things You Should Never Be Afraid to Ask For

October 21, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Many of us have trouble asking people, even people we love and trust and are vulnerable with, to give us anything. Maybe it is part of the great American self-reliance mythology where we should never be forced to ask for help from others. Maybe it is a a part of the modern disconnection between neighbors. For whatever reason, we have trouble asking others to give us things. We don’t want to be dead weight in any relationship, whether it is at work or intensely personal. But there are some things you should never be afraid to ask for in any relationship, not just romantic ones.

5 Things You Should Never Be Afraid to Ask For

Friendships, family relationships, or even just working relationships with coworkers all should have these five basic things and you should never be afraid to ask for them.

1. Truth

The truth is a powerful thing and everyone should ask for the truth when in any kind of relationship. No one likes being lied to. We face enough deception on the internet and in the media in general. We should always tell the truth to our friends, significant others and family members. Sometimes the truth hurts or it fundamentally changes the way we see someone, but we should never be afraid to ask for it. We may not even want to hear it but we always need the truth if we are to make sound judgments. You cannot make an informed decision without as many of the facts as possible. The truth, as much as it pains us, will set us free.

2. Respect

Every single human being on the planet deserves a basic minimum level of respect, no matter how much you disagree or even abhor each other. You deserve to have your personal space respected to include freedom from physical harm or harassment. You deserve to be free from emotional or verbal abuse by others. Never be afraid to ask someone to respect your personal space or to leave you alone if they cannot. But respect is a two-edged sword and cuts both ways. If you demand respect for yourself, then you must be respectful of others.

3. Acceptance

You are who you are. People in a relationship with you should accept you for who and what you are. You cannot fundamentally change who you are, so if they want to have a relationship with you then they need to accept you for who you are and not try to change you. On the flip side, you should accept your partner for who they are as well. Many people get into relationships with the false notion that they can change the other person or fix them somehow. You can decide that you want a change in your own life but you cannot make that decision for others, nor should they make that decision for you. If you love and care for someone, you will accept them for who they are even if you don’t like a particular feature of their personality.

4. Time

Whether you need time alone or time with your partner, you should never be afraid to ask for time. We have a finite amount of time in this life and we can never get it back once it is spent. Being in a relationship requires some time spent together, and each couple or group of people will have to determine what best works for them. But if you feel that you aren’t getting enough time with them, then don’t be afraid to ask for some more time. Time helps us bond and heal.

But people also need their alone time to recharge or to de-stress after a long day. If you need time alone or away from the daily grind, then don’t be afraid to ask for some time apart. It doesn’t mean you care for each other any less, but is a natural part of many relationships.

5. Forgiveness

None of us are perfect and we will screw up from time to time. No one should keep a running tally of our mistakes only to throw them back into our face at a future date. It is at best counterproductive, and at worst, destroys a relationship. Forgive and move on. Don’t hold onto the pain from a mistake; it only holds you back from meaningful change and growth.

Psychologists Reveal Why You Don’t Want to Stay Friends With Your Ex

October 21, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Most people are like Kevin Hart when he says, “I don’t have EX’s, I have Y’s. Like Y did I date you?”

You, however, maintain a platonic relationship with your former significant other. How amicable is the relationship these days now that you are no longer romantically involved with them?

According to an Associated Press we-TV poll, which was carried out in 20th-23rd November 2015:

– More than half stayed friends with an ex.
– Forty-five percent listened to a song that reminded them of an ex.
– Forty-two percent admitted to visiting their ex’s Facebook page.
– Thirty-six percent had ex-sex.
– Just over a third tried but failed to stay friends with an ex.
– Thirteen percent continued to stay under the same roof as their ex, whereas the same percentage went on holiday with them.

Interestingly, in the same poll:

– Just under 6 in 10 said it was not worth the trouble in staying friends with an ex.
– Thirty-two percent stated that their feelings get it the way of starting over with someone else.

Those are the statistics, but what do the scientists say on the matter?

Psychologists Reveal Why You Don’t Want to Stay Friends With Your Ex

Basing their article on the findings of an Oakland University study, the Daily Mail newspaper in the UK has affirmed that “while keeping an ex as a friend may not be the most practical option, the main reasons people wanted to stay friends was because their ex was reliable, trustworthy or if there was a strong sentimental attachment.” It adds, “For men, pragmatism and sexual access were rated slightly more important than for women, on average…”. The plot thickens somewhat, with darker personality traits brought to the forefront, “which include elements of narcissism, pyschopathy, and Machiavellianism – they were more likely to choose practicality and the chance of hooking up” as to why those traits want to remain friends with an ex.

Due to their experience in the field, experts are calling for people not to continue seeing an ex. Pyschologist Juliana Breines stated that those who remain friends have not broken their dependency from the broken relationship, which can open up more of the same negative feelings towards that person. So what are we supposed to do? Relationship expert Lindsay Kriger thinks exes should be completely deleted from our lives, where you should have a bigger divide between the two of them than the USA and the USSR during the Cold War. Delete, block, ignore, get a new number. Rinse, wash, repeat.

Here are some quotes from other experts:

Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.
– Paulo Coelho

I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.
– Tony Robbins

Sometimes people let the same mistake make them miserable for years when they could just say “So what?” That’s one of my favourite things to say: “So what?”
– Andy Warhol

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
– Steve Jobs

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no-one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
– Marilyn Monroe

What does all this mean? It means we should steer clear of the ex like vampires should keep away from garlic.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Ways to Tell If Someone Has High Functioning Depression

October 21, 2016 by Power of Positivity

High functioning depression, or persistent depressive disorder, is similar to major depression, but the signs and symptoms are less severe. It causes a change in sleeping and eating habits, fatigue, hopelessness, difficulty concentrating, and low self-esteem. A person with high functioning depression struggles almost every day and will experience constant low moods.

With this persistent depressive disorder, people function normally for the most part. They will still go to work or school, perform well at their tasks, handle responsibilities, and engage in social activities. People close to them often don’t even realize they are struggling as they do so internally.

While the signs and symptoms of high functioning depression aren’t as severe as major depressive disorder, it can still have serious consequences. If left untreated, persistent depressive disorder decreases the quality of life.

Five Signs Of High-Functioning Depression

Knowing the signs of high functioning depression can help you decide on a therapeutic approach to feeling better again soon.

1. They Are Extremely Critical

When someone is highly critical of themselves and others, it’s a sign of high functioning depression. Sometimes they will disguise the criticism as a joke, but it still hurts well-being. This negative mindset causes them to view everyone critically and judgmentally, including their boss, partner, and friends.

It will seem like nothing is good enough for them and that the world is against them. The person doesn’t typically notice their criticism because they’re trying to suppress their emotions. This behavior often develops as a result of lacking self-confidence and a cycle of negative self-talk.

How To Fix It

If you struggle with being extremely critical, you can make a beneficial life-long change. Start paying attention to your thoughts and the way you criticize others. As you recognize this behavior in yourself, make a conscious decision to change your thought process.

Practice positive affirmations and eliminating negative thoughts to help change your mindset. Every time you have a negative thought, replace it with a few positive ones. After a while, it will become a habit, and you will become less critical.

2. They Immerse Themselves in Work

Someone with high functioning depression might look like they are sailing through their work, but that isn’t true. People with depression often beat themselves up over their work efforts and workload. They tend to be overachievers as they go through the motions and find comfort in the next task.

A depressed person often feels like work is a distraction from negative thoughts and feelings. They can ignore the issues in their life when they consume themselves with work-related tasks. Eventually, though, this unhealthy coping mechanism leads to stress and burnout.

How To Fix It

Start by considering how much time you spend at work. If it has been an extreme amount, think about the reason for working so much. Maybe it was just that you had too much on your plate, but if that isn’t the reason, it could be due to high-functioning depression.

To remedy this unhealthy coping strategy, you must assess and reflect. Once you realize you’re suffering from your emotions, you must address those problems before moving forward. By handling the issues, you can work to overcome your depression.

3. They Turn To Unhealthy Survival Strategies

People that turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to survive likely have high functioning depression. Sometimes they use narcotics or alcohol to help numb their depression. Other times, they become addicted to online games, gambling, or other distractions from their pain.

Depressed people might also gain or lose weight as overeating or restricting food could be a survival strategy. Anytime someone begins turning to methods that don’t improve the situation, it is an unhealthy survival strategy. These methods can come in any form, even being as simple as binge-watching movies or shows.

How To Fix It

If you find yourself doing any activity to numb the negative emotions, it could be an unhealthy survival strategy. When you feel that temptation, don’t give in. Instead, address your emotions head-on and work to figure out the cause.

As you address the reason for your depression, you can make beneficial changes in your life. These changes will lead to life-long improvement and overcoming your depression.

4. They Are Often Angry And Irritable

When someone gets angry or snaps over a small mistake, it could be a sign of depression. Minor inconveniences such as a change of plans often trigger anger in a depressed person, too. They will always seem cranky and prone to angry outbursts and disproportionate reactions to events.

How To Fix It

If you struggle with this, you can easily make a change. Anytime you feel like you are going to explode, take a deep breath and walk away.

Give yourself time before you react, and you will likely have a more reasonable reaction. When you respond appropriately, you won’t experience feelings of guilt or rumination later, helping to decrease your depression.

5. They Are Always Doing Something

Even when they have accomplished everything they aimed for that day, a depressed person will still feel like they are wasting time. They can’t pause their mind or spend time relaxing.

A person with high-functioning depression might feel the need always to stay busy. This habit indicates that they are trying to avoid dealing with the real issue and having unpleasant thoughts. Depression causes them to be uncomfortable with slow periods because of the mindset that follows.

How To Fix It

Rather than filling every second of your day with activity, force yourself to experience downtime. As you do, allow your thoughts and feelings to flow freely, even if it is painful at first. When you recognize your emotions, you allow yourself to heal.

After you feel your emotions and think things through, switch your mindset to positive thoughts. Remind yourself that you can do anything you set your mind to, including overcoming depression. Then, create a plan for what you can do to fix your triggers.

6 Healthy Habits to Prevent High-Functioning Depression

Adopting some of these positive new habits can help you beat the blues.

1. Yoga

This gentle exercise incorporates meditation and physical movement. Yoga focuses on deep breathing and stretching and relieves symptoms of depression.

Not only does breathing and stretching help, but yoga can lead to an increase in serotonin levels, helping you feel happier. Plus, it decreases monoamine oxidase, an enzyme that breaks down cortisol and neurotransmitters.

2. Meditation

Meditation is a mental exercise and involves deep breathing or repeating an affirmation with a benefit in mind. While the Buddhist tradition of meditation focuses on spiritual enlightenment, there are other benefits, too. Now, meditation practice can focus on stress relief and relaxation, resulting in fewer symptoms of depression.

3. Healthy Eating

A healthy diet is a sure way to improve your overall well-being, including preventing high functioning depression. Start by cutting out junk food and limited foods with high levels of refined sugar and saturated fats. Implement more foods rich in vitamins, minerals, amino acids, and antioxidants into your diet.

Include foods rich in omega fatty acids such as fish, nuts, fruits, vegetables, and olive oil. Other foods you should regularly eat include:

meat (or another source of amino acids)
dairy products
whole grains
legumes

4. Exercise Regularly

Regular exercise helps prevent depression by increasing your body’s natural production of antidepressants. Studies show that exercising three to five days each week for at least 30 minutes can alleviate depression symptoms without medication. Not only does it increase the release of mood-boosting chemicals, but it also helps you sleep better, furthering the benefits.

5. Implement a Healthy Sleep Routine

Getting enough sleep is essential to preventing high functioning depression. Create a bedtime routine that makes you feel calm and helps you unwind before laying down. Follow the same sleep schedule to help your body naturally develop good sleeping habits.

It is essential to mention that you shouldn’t include technology as part of your bedtime routine. The lights from electronics can disrupt your sleep routine and the quality of your rest.

6. Spend Time with People You Love

Spending time with the special people in your life can help prevent depression from setting in. Enjoying time with your loved ones will boost your mood even when you feel like isolating yourself. Make sure the people you choose have a positive mindset and support you.

Be open with these people and keep an open mind if they give feedback. Their insight can help you cope with or address your life situations.

Final Thoughts on Ways to Tell If Someone Has High Functioning Depression

While the symptoms of high functioning depression aren’t as severe as other forms, it still poses a serious problem. When left untreated, the depression can manifest into something even worse, hindering a person’s functioning ability. Additionally, there is also always the risk of suicide, so treating depression right away is essential.

If you notice any of these signs in yourself or someone close to you, don’t ignore them. Even if it doesn’t seem to interfere with life goals, it does more damage than you might realize. Seek help, and then try some lifestyle changes to ease and prevent depression.

10 Ways Your Brain Makes You Gain Weight

October 18, 2016 by Power of Positivity

“People are more susceptible to the temptations of this food environment and consequently make predictable errors in judgment. These cognitive biases lead to craving and overeating thereby contributing to weight gain and obesity.” – Jansen A., Houben K., Roefs A., “A cognitive profile of obesity and its translation into new interventions.”

Our society is one filled with highly convenient food. We need only to drive a few minutes in order to find some fast food joint offering fat-ridden delights on the cheap. As a consequence, we’ve become attuned to what scientists call the stimuli of our food environment. More exactly, our brains have become attuned to the prolific outlets offering to feed us for little more than a dollar.

The human brain is a creature of habit – any habit, good or bad. Once our brain is entrenched in a certain way of thinking, it can be very difficult to redirect our neuronal networks to some other way. Perhaps this is an evolutionary defense mechanism that accounts for our brain’s limited resources. Anyways, we digress.

The point of this particular article is to convey a basic understanding of the brain’s relationship to food. Further, why the brain – by its very design – makes it difficult to lose those excess pounds. We hope that this article can provide some practical insight to those which it applies; perhaps even leverage the power of this knowledge to make some needed changes in their eating habits.

Here are 10 ways your brain makes it hard to lose weight:

1. Working memory overwork

Our brain’s working memory permits us to focus our attention on relevant tasks. Without a proper working memory, we’d succumb to far more distractions than we do. Given the function of working memory, it is no surprise this process also plays a vital role in achievement of goals. A good working memory is generally found in disciplined dieters, as they are able to ward off tempting thoughts (e.g. eating something unhealthy).

2. Impulsiveness

An impulsive brain is one that will concede to food temptations much easier than a non-impulsive brain. The level of our brain’s impulsiveness directly influences our ability to delay gratification; such as that delicious-looking dollar cheeseburger.

Interestingly, scientists have developed an intervention program called episodic future thinking; whereby one is taught to visualize the future health goals. This process is thought to be effective against impulse eating.

3. Weakened willpower

As mentioned, our brain’s resources are limited. Making decisions that involve any feelings of inner-conflict deplete our willpower reserves even further – a problem for the brain when need to resist food. This may help explain why most diets are broken in the evening, when our cognitive tank is running on low.

The good news is that proper sleep and relaxation replenishes our brain resources.

4. Release of self-focus

Obesity has been tied directly to mental conditions such as depression and anxiety. People who tend to overeat may also suffer from acute feelings of boredom, loneliness and stress. To release this stressful internal state, people will often consume foods laden with sugar and fat, as this can provide a temporary emotional escape.

5. Abdication of self-control

Similar to impulsivity, self-control can quickly vanish when we eat even the smallest amount of junk food. In order to appease the guilt that often arises when eating unhealthy foods, we will make an excuse to temporarily abdicate our sense of control. Something along the lines of “I’ve eaten a small piece, already. Another one won’t hurt. I’ll get back to my diet tomorrow.”

6. Projection bias

During moments of relative emotional stability, we underestimate the propensity to overeat or eat unhealthily. This is known as projection bias. When one is overconfident regarding their ability to resist temptation, they’ll often place themselves in enticing situations only to succumb to them due to their misplaced overconfidence.

7. Alcohol bias

Alcohol lowers our inhibitive ability to resist all types of adverse health behaviors, which includes overeating. Lowered inhibition manifests into a both a lack of self-awareness and lower self-control. In this state, we often don’t possess the mental faculties to resist temptation.

Unsurprisingly, weight loss programs promote an abstinence or minimization of alcohol consumption. This is partially due to alcohol bias.

8. Self-licensing

It’s been found that humans are more likely to engage in unhealthy eating behaviors after achievement of a goal. For example, a runner having completed his first marathon may allow themselves to indulge in a fatty meal to account for his success.

We allow (or “license”) ourselves a temporary release on account of our successes.

9. Food cuing

Food cues are the brain’s responses to the presence of food stimuli and can occur even without the presence of hunger. For example, the smell of pizza from the local pizza shop can lead you to waltz in for a slice even though you’ve already eaten. Exposure to food cues can also divert the attention from a nearby food to the cue’s source.

10. Attention bias

Attention bias is simply our tendency to focus our attention onto foods of preference. As our attention cues are exponentially stronger for certain food types, we are more likely to seek out the food if we’re lacking in self-control or depletion of willpower.

Of course, the best way to mitigate the power of attention bias is to limit exposure (e.g. ice cream in the freezer) to unhealthy foods.

5 Rules Every Couple Should Live By

October 18, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Have you wondered the secrets of those couples who stay in long-term relationships that last not years–but decades? You’re not alone in that curiosity.

I don’t know the first real thing about the dating game. I don’t know how to talk to a specific person and connect. I just think you have to go to person by person and do the best you can with people in general. – Jason Schwartzman

The funny Jason Schwartzman is not the only man or woman confused about the “rules of relationships.” Relationships bring many different emotions to the surface: attraction, joy, novelty, fun…repellence, frustration, boredom, and anxiety.

One underlying factor that contributes to the wide spectrum of emotions in a relationship is uncertainty. From the very first date, it is almost assured that one or both people will experience perplexing thoughts and emotions at some point.

There do exist certain “rules” that may help lessen the emotional turbulence experienced in a relationship. In addition to that, being knowledgeable about these “rules” will positively impact the dating experience.

Here are five rules every couple should live by:

1. Do not force intimacy in your relationships

Us humans are intimate creatures; it is a necessary trait for procreation brought about by evolution. As such, it can be very tempting to transition into a physical relationship quicker than what is healthy. Intimacy can mean holding hands, caressing, kissing, and sex.

Both men and women are guilty of breaking this important rule, which can be a deal-breaker. The first couple of months are where both people need to tread carefully. The reason is simple: making a move too quickly can potentially undo any previous chemistry.

The act of intimacy should be the pinnacle of two people’s feelings for each other. While we cannot – and should not – advise about knowing the “right time,” it is a good idea to think of the stages of intimacy as chronological, from holding hands to intercourse, based solely off the level of mutual chemistry.

2. Trust your instincts

The second “rule” on this list appropriately follows the first. Often, only one’s instincts can guide what to do next in your process as a couple. Furthermore, keen instincts can protect the emotions of each person involved.

If something appears to be “off” about the other person, it at least warrants further investigation. If this feeling should persist after a couple of months (maximum) it is best to cut ties and move on simply.

Do not fall into the trap of making excuses for someone you’ve just met. Look at it this way, if your instincts are right, then you save time while limiting the potential damage done to the other person. If you’re wrong, plenty of people out there won’t raise a red flag.

3. Do not settle

The unofficial credo of early stages of a relationship: “Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully-fledged couple.” We can thank “Saucy” over at Urban Dictionary for that.

“Saucy” is right on. Especially with the phrase “to find out what each other is like,” and “as a prelude to being a (couple).” Really, dating is supposed to be fun. Getting to know another person is (usually!) an entertaining experience.

But some people jump the gun way to early and settle down with the first person whom they have any meaningful chemistry. Needless to say, this is often a poor decision that will probably end up hurting both people in the end.

Choose the right person for you.

4. Do not be “overly available” in your relationships

Not being “overly available” isn’t some sophomoric mind game that one plays with another – at least, it shouldn’t be. Do some men and women manipulate their “availability” in some calculated attempt to attract the other person? Yes, but the true rationale for not being overly available is far more benevolent and deliberate.

Simply put, managing your availability is about setting boundaries and safeguarding emotions.

During the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship, the thought of abdicating what you’re doing to meet up with the other person can be enticing. But it’s a certain mistake, and one that may inflict a heavy emotional toll should the relationship go south.

Instead, carry out your day as usual. Hopefully, you or the other person will know when to reach out.

5. Do not reveal too much, too quickly

As mentioned, a relationship’s fundamental purpose is getting to know someone and gauging chemistry. This is a process that requires time and communication.

In the early stages of being a couple, two people know very little about one another. As time elapses, the mutual conversation will naturally reveal additional information about each person at the right time. As such, going on a diatribe about personal details early in being a couple is a poor use of judgment.

Immaturely revealing personal information is not only poor judgment but also incredibly unattractive. No one should possess the amount of personal information by the end of the first few days or weeks together that one would have by their first-year anniversary. Where is the mystique in that?

Allowing time to take its course also includes courting each other. Engaging naturally in conversation, allowing time to pass, and the remaining patient will always reap more dating fruit.

Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!