Why is dating people so difficult these days? What happened to meeting and connecting instantly, falling in love, and living happily ever after. Sadly, fairy tales are just stories written for the daydreamer.
You can meet someone good and have a long-lasting union with them, but you must wade through the mounds of the wrong people to find the right one. No matter how hard you try, some relationships aren’t good. You can put all your time and effort into them, but some things aren’t meant to be.
When a couple splits, there are two choices. You can either leave the relationship and try to find the good in the time you spent together, or you can blame the other person and act like they sabotaged things. Be careful which path you choose as people are watching and listening to how you act, and it could affect your next relationship.
Talking Smack About Your Ex
You’ve just met a guy, and he seems like the perfect package. He’s gorgeous, has a great job, and appears to be going places in life. However, one thing seems to bother you, and that’s the fact that he talks about his ex-girlfriend in a derogatory manner. (Of course, this can be a guy or a girl, this goes both ways!)
You may be eager to believe his side of things but remember that there are always two sides to every story. Dating people can be difficult, and personalities don’t always mesh well. However, that doesn’t give anyone a right to call them names or destroy their reputation because things don’t work out.
The biggest problem is that when you end a relationship and talk bad about the other person, it can affect your current love interests. It’s quite a selfish move to put all the blame on the other individual and can be a sign of narcissism.
Let’s assume you’re a guy, and you’ve met a girl that you think is picture-perfect. The only problem with her is that she is continually going on about her ex. She has outlandish love tales gone wrong and seems to ruminate on what a bad person she was with.
People who tend to cast the blame on everyone else are manipulative. They cannot see the wrong in themselves, which can be a red flag about your relationship’s future.
7 Red Flags to Avoid Getting Hurt When Dating New People
Dating people can be fun and adventurous, but you want to make sure that you get someone who is mentally able to have a relationship. If an individual is talking bad about their ex, it’s a red flag, but there are some other warning signs that you should watch for that can reduce your chances of dating the wrong one.
1. They Aren’t Consistent
There’s nothing worse than dating people that aren’t consistent. They may text you one day paragraphs about their life and how they feel about you, then you won’t hear from them for a week. Another classic problem with the flaky individual is they make plans and cancel them at the last minute.
Don’t try to convince yourself they’re busy or didn’t have time to respond to you. People make time for the things that they want to. If they’re ignoring you, then it’s a sign of a deeper problem that will only cause you heartache down the road. It’s likely that this individual has a commitment issue and has several others on the line stringing them along with you.
2. They Constantly Threaten to Break Up
Some people run hot and cold. Your relationship started in a whirlwind, but now they threaten to break up every time something doesn’t go their way. Did you know that this is a form of manipulation to get you to cave to their demands?
They really want to say to you that the relationship isn’t working for them, and they’re considering dating people and ending your association. Rather than just being honest, they turn it around and make you think it’s your fault.
It can be quite exhausting when someone is constantly changing their mind. Do you really want to be in a relationship where someone is always threatening to leave? What if you get married or enter a committed union, and they’re still threatening this same stuff a decade from now?
Being with someone who is so manipulative can take a toll on you. Pretty soon, you will stop being so upset when they utter these words and learn that they change like the weather. Still, you should avoid being with someone who turns things back on you as if everything is your fault.
3. No More Dating People Who “Jokingly” Cut Your Down
Williams Shakespeare made a profound statement when he said that many truths are said in jest. People often use humor to hide their true feelings. When dating people, watch out for the person who is undercutting you and labeling it as a joke.
Somethings aren’t funny. They may try to tell you that they’re just teasing or that you need to stop being so sensitive. If the “jokes” are at your expense, then you need to trust your gut instincts.
Someone worthy of dating would never do anything to fill you with so much self-doubt that you fall for their criticisms. Plus, it can be really damaging psychologically to be continuously put down by someone who claims to be in your corner. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you can critique each other with kindness.
4. They Promise to End A Relationship For You
When a person is obviously already in a relationship, watch getting involved. They may promise that they will break up with the other individual for you, but the chances are that they won’t. How many times has someone had an affair on the side and kept it from a spouse for years?
Never put yourself in love danger by being with a serial cheater. Don’t think that you have something that will make them change, and you’re probably not the only person they’re stringing along.
5. They’re Arrogant and Cocky
There’s nothing worse than dating people who brag about themselves continuously. This person talks about themselves so much that you’re embarrassed to take them around your friends. They come off as the ultimate authority on every subject, and you might believe them in the beginning.
The problem with this superior behavior is that they try to hide their underlying insecurities by coming across as defensive. It’s also hard to decide if they’re confident or cocky, and it can make all the difference. Sometimes people will develop the characteristics of their parents.
If their mom or dad bragged all the time, then it can be a learned behavior. However, you don’t want someone who acts superior to you or anyone else as it’s hard to get over. If you are getting red flags about their cocky attitude, you may need to reevaluate your relationship.
6. They’re Like Dating a Child
Do you feel like you’re babysitting? Does the person that you’re with not know how to do anything for themselves? It’s great to be a supportive partner, but you want to make sure you’re not taking on a parenting role.
Some people have Peter Pan Syndrome, which means they don’t want to grow up. However, you don’t have a choice, and they must be willing to step up to the plate and take care of their business. While these people can be charming and fun to be around, so can a toddler.
7. Pressure You into Things You Don’t Want
No one should ever pressure you to do or be something that you’re not. If you don’t have feelings for a person, then don’t hang around thinking that things will get better. When you feel that they’re only a friend, then you should keep things that way.
The worst thing you can do is enter into a relationship with someone you don’t have genuine feelings for. If they don’t feel like a keeper, then let them go. You can use the catch and release philosophy in the dating world too.
Not every fish in the sea is one you want to bring home as a prize. Don’t get so caught up in having someone that you choose to have the wrong person. You owe it to yourself and the other person to be honest about your feelings.
As you can see from this list, talking smack about your ex is just one of the red flags you should be concerned about. Some people are right for you, and then some fill your needs for right now.
If you want something long-term that will last, then you should be careful about dating people that are giving you indications that the reason their last relationship ended has nothing to do with the other person. There are toxic individuals out there, and you don’t want to become entangled with them.