Are you a selfish partner, or do you considered your spouse to be self-absorbed? Relationships are about give and take. A partnership is supposed to be 50/50, but what if one person puts in 80 percent of the effort and the other one 20 percent?

When you enter a long-term relationship, you want what’s best for the person you love. You put their needs ahead of yours, and you go out of your way to ensure their happiness. Sadly, not all relationships work this way, and some toxic people are immature, self-centered, and are inconsiderate of the other person.

Is it any wonder that people don’t want to walk down the aisle of matrimony these days? The divorce rate as of 2020 is 34 percent. However, this number doesn’t give a good representation of the couples that live together in long-term relationships and part ways, which tends to be commonplace these days.

People end their relationships for many reasons, such as finances, communication issues, infidelity, a lack of intimacy, and substance abuse. The problem within all these issues is that one party isn’t considering the other party and their feelings. Save yourself a trip to court and think about the other person and their needs over yours.

Dealing with Selfishness in a Relationship

How do you know if you’re a selfish partner or living with someone so self-absorbed that you’re not even part of the equation? Here are some questions to ask yourself.

selfish partner

Do you:

•Ask your partner what they want to do this weekend, or you plan the time according to your needs?

•Call the shots on everything from buying a new car to replacing the house’s windows without asking them?

•Do you steamroll all conversations or listen to what your partner has to say?

•You are constantly criticizing their methods and always trying to show them that your way is better.

If any of these scenarios sound familiar, then there is much work to be done. Here are seven traits that you will find in a selfish partner that may sound familiar to you.


1. The Other Person is Always Wrong

There’s nothing worse than a know it all personality. These are the people that are never wrong, no matter if they have proof to the contrary. They tend to be a bit narcissistic in their thought process because they feel that their opinions are superior to everyone else.

Everything is an argument with them, even down to the type of jelly you bought from the store. The problem is that this person is not a partner at all. They are only considering their needs as well as thoughts and opinions.

If you don’t listen and consider the other person’s thoughts, then why be in a relationship? When someone is never wrong, it’s a big red flag that they are a selfish partner.

2. Plans Are Made That Don’t Involve the Other One

Being left out is a horrible feeling that can cause resentment and questions of infidelity. Does your husband or wife make plans for things without consulting or inviting you along? Perhaps you’re the one who would rather go out with your friends or family members and leave your spouse behind.

While it’s okay to have nights where you hang with your friends, most of your free time should be spent with your spouse. You wanted to be with this person because you love them and can’t imagine spending a day without them. A healthy relationship is built on spending quality time together.

3. They Don’t Know Their Partner’s Needs

Each person has wants and needs in their life. Maybe you want a better job, or you would like to trade-off that older car for a newer model. Perhaps you’re having issues at work that are making you miserable.

A good partner would know all about these issues, and they would do anything they could to take some of the pressure from you. However, a selfish partner is so out of touch with what’s going on in the house that they have no clue that you’re suffering.

why men leave
4. They Constantly Threaten to Leave If They Don’t Get Their Way

Nothing is worse than a grown man or woman that still acts like a toddler. When a toddler doesn’t get the toy they want to play with, they will throw a temper tantrum. Adults have temper tantrums too, and they usually center around leaving or threatening divorce.

A manipulative person will only consider their needs, and if they don’t get what they want, they will use any manner possible to make it happen. They will threaten you that if you don’t give in to them that they will leave. They may go as far as printing the divorce papers out online and giving them to you.

Be careful of people that play such games with your emotions as they only care about themselves. Do you want someone who threatens to walk out on you when you don’t give in to their requests?

5. They Expect You to Listen to Them but Don’t Offer the Same in Return

Communication is a two-way street, and it takes one person to speak and the other to listen. Then, there are times when the roles are reversed. Does your partner want you to listen to them talk about their day and all the things wrong in their life, but they don’t want to do the same in return?

One of the beautiful things about having someone that is “your person” is that you can share your frustrations, secrets, and plans about the future. When something happens during the day, you can’t wait to call or text and talk to them about it. That’s what people in love do; they want to share their life with the one they adore.

However, the selfish partner will want you to listen to them while they vent, but they won’t have time to hear about your troubles. Ineffective communication is a significant stumbling block among couples. It’s just as important in a relationship as trust, honesty, and monogamy.


6. They’re Overly Critical of Everything

There’s nothing worse than an overly critical person. It seems that nothing can be done to please them. Whether it’s complaints about dinner, your family, or friends, nothing makes them happy.

You may start to walk on eggs shells around them for fear that one wrong step might set them off. They may become aggressive or even loud when you’re hanging with friends they don’t like. They want your time when it’s convenient for them, but if you hinder them from doing things they want to do, then it’s a whole different story.

Someone who absolutely loves you with a pure love that is wholesome and good would never make you walk on eggshells. There’s no perfect union, but there should be more good things about it than bad.

7. They Withhold Intimacy

Part of being with a couple is that you take care of each other’s needs both physically and emotionally. Now, there are times when one party won’t feel well or just isn’t in the mood. That’s quite different than withholding intimacy because someone made you mad, or you didn’t get your way.


Some self-absorbed people use intimacy as a weapon against the other person. If you do something that makes them mad, they will hold a grudge and withhold their services until you comply. Be careful because some people will use this as an excuse to have an affair and say that you pushed them into it.

Always be on guard when it comes to the selfish partner, as they are constantly manipulating and using your emotions for their benefit.

selfish partner
Final Thoughts on The Selfish Partner

Did you find some traits that you or your spouse have in the list above? Remember, no partnership is perfect, and you both have things that you need to work on. The focus should be that you have a healthy connection that considers the other person’s needs before yours.

Now, toxic relationships are no fun to deal with, and there are plenty of them out there. Don’t be shocked if any of these behaviors follow verbal abuse. Additionally, some people can become so mad when they don’t get their way to resort to physical violence.

The good news is that if you’re in a toxic relationship, you can get out. You don’t have to live this way any longer. There are plenty of people that will respect you and give you the kind of love and affection you need. You don’t have to suffer from a selfish partner who thinks only of themselves.

Life is too short to be miserable when you have the power to change your situation. Your one decision away from an entirely different life, and it may be the fairy tale you’ve dreamed of.