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Researchers Reveal What Drinking Black Coffee Says About Your Personality

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Coffee is one of America’s favorite drinks. Some take it with one lump or two of sugar, while others load it with so much cream that a glass of milk might be a better option. Then there are the folks who drink their java straight-up black.

It takes solid tastebuds and an excellent stomach to drink a bitter, warm drink with no additions to balance the flavor. Did you know that how you drink your cup of Joe might link directly to your personality? While it may sound bizarre, scientific studies back up this idea.

What Does Drinking Black Coffee Says About Your Personality?

The University of Innsbruck in Austria conducted a study to see how coffee connects to personalities. Nine hundred fifty-three people did two different experiments for the research. Each person filled out a questionnaire that identified their food preferences.

Next, the head researchers, Christina Sagioglou and Tobias Greitemeyer, asked the folks about personality factors. The queries were to show if the person had traits of things like narcissism and psychopathic tendencies. Folks who preferred the taste of bitter foods, such as the tang found in beer, black coffee, and radishes, were more susceptible to mental health issues along the malevolent line.

While people who loaded their drink with sugar and creamer were calmer and gentler and not predisposed to such things, remember that this is just one study, and further studies are needed to prove such things. Some experts believe this study was flawed, and indeed, everyone who takes their coffee strong and black doesn’t automatically indicate that they have a mental health disorder.

best friend

Flaws in the Black Coffee Study

Some studies are argumentative as they offer bizarre findings, and this one can fit into that category. For it to be proven that those folks who drink black coffee are more prone to psychotic tendencies, there would need to be further testing, brain scans, and more in-depth research beyond a questionnaire.

Anytime you have self-reported data, it should be considered cautiously. It’s easy for a person to label their personalities based on how they feel in the moment. If they’ve recently had a bad experience, they might rank themselves lower than they usually would on such a report.

Another thing to consider with studies like this is that taste is subjective, and what some might think is bitter; others might describe it differently. So, looking at a list of foods and objectively categorizing them based on taste would be different for each person, which leaves room for error in the findings.

Someone who is a psychopath presents with some of the following signs:

  • Dishonest
  • Manipulative
  • Obsessive
  • Uses guilt to harm others emotionally
  • Believing that they’re perfect and on a higher level than other folks
  • Using manipulative tactics to get what they want
  • Impulsive
  • Irresponsible
  • Prone to thrill-seeking

While it was an interesting study and one that certainly makes you pause, the research isn’t sufficient to base such an opinion. This is especially true when attempting to label someone with such a severe personality. Don’t fret the next time you’re out with friends or on a date; they order black coffee, as it’s a fascinating conversation.

Drink Preferences and Your Personality

Thankfully, more than just one round of research is present on the matter. Another team, was led by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist from Santa Monica. Personality and all types of coffee drinks. He recorded the study in his bestselling book You Are WHY You Eat: Change Your Food Attitude, Change Your Life.

Her research was a bit different than that conducted at the University of Innsbruck. Each of the 1,000 participants was given everyday situations and asked how they would respond. They were simple things like how you feel when standing in a long line and food preferences. The results from this study were a little more in line with what one would expect.

1. Black Coffee

The folks in the study who drank their coffee black were more old-school. They didn’t like all the thrills and frills and were more simplistic. These folks want to keep things simple, and they tend to be patient and very efficient.

She did find that they had some dark sides, as everyone does. They tend to be moody at times, are headstrong and set in their ways, and can be abrupt and dismissive. Additionally, these people are resistant to change and fight it. Indeed, nothing about this study showed any psychopathic tendencies but rather someone more old-fashioned.

2. Milk, Cream, and Sugar Coffee

Those who preferred their coffee in more latte form were different. Consumers of lattes tend to be people-pleasers and comfort seekers. These folks are an open book, but they tend to camouflage bitter things in life, much like their coffee.

These individuals are known for going out of their way to help others, as their generosity is one thing that shined through. One problem she noticed with their personalities was that they often don’t make time for self-care and can quickly become overextended.

black coffee

3. Frozen and Blended Coffee

If you’re one of the folks who take your coffee on ice, you’re in another league. The black coffee drinker wouldn’t even call you a real coffee drinker, as this is more of a shake with a kick. The study found that these folks are bold trendsetters and don’t have a problem trying new things.

Dr. Durvasula found that these folks are more childlike and tend to be spontaneous and imaginative. On the darker side of their personality, they can be reckless and don’t always make the best choices.

4. Very Specifically Ordered Coffee

If you’re a non-fat, sugar-free mocha latte, hold the whip; you would fall into this category. Anyone with a specialty coffee that takes the barista a minute to comprehend your complex blend is a specialty coffee drinker. Their coffee choice shows that they like to be in control.

This person is very conscious about their bodies and what goes into them. They can also be a little bit of a perfectionist and obsessive. While making healthy choices about their body, they tend to stick to the rules. They want everything done according to their master plan and have little wiggle room for error. Sadly, they tend to be worrisome and fret when things don’t go their way.

5. Instant Coffee

The last section reported was on those who drink instant coffee. These folks are more laid back, look for the easy way out, and don’t tend to procrastinate a bit. They try not to get so lost in the details of things, as they prefer to take life as it comes.

Their negative aspects were that they were too laid back sometimes, putting off essential things, like their health issues. These folks aren’t much for planning, as they prefer to go through life as a free spirit and winging it.

Making Sense of the Research on the Link Between Personality and Drinking Black Coffee

The second study was slightly more of what you would expect when examining coffee drinkers and food preferences. People who like black coffee are generally more no-nonsense, which is far from psychopathic. Dr. Durvasula surmised from the study that the type of coffee you drink no more has a bearing on your personality than your astrological sign.

You can be a controlling person and drink lattes, or you may drink black coffee and be a detail-oriented, compassionate individual. On a grander scale, your choices in life often say a lot about you. Your choices throughout life can shape you for the good or bad, but your coffee preferences will only be a minute part of this equation.

Your personality may influence the sphere of your life, romantic relationships, jobs, attitudes, and perceptions, but it’s not something that can’t be altered. It might be harder to change when you have a dominant personality that thinks you’re always right, but it’s not impossible.

By thinking positively, using mindfulness, and adopting an attitude of gratitude, you can change your entire life. Many factors, such as genetics, temperament, and atmosphere, dictate your mental health and personality. However, you should not fear change, as change is essential to help you grow.

black coffee

Final Thoughts on Drinking Black Coffee

Though your coffee habits tell a small part about you, it’s insignificant. Yet, if you drink black coffee, you might want to venture out and try some sugar or a little creamer.

Sometimes, it’s mentally healthy to get out of the rut, as it can do wonders to shake up your mundane routine. It’s nice to veer a bit off the road most traveled and try something spontaneous and adventurous.

10 Habits Of People Who Are Always Happy

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“Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Happiness comes in waves, but people can also create their own happiness. Even when the daily grind feels like too much, there’s always the people who are happy and positive. Learning how to deal with the things that life can throw in a healthy and constructive way can lead to happier people. But how do they do it?

Happy people aren’t just that way by accident! People who somehow manage to stay more positive than others work hard at practicing the right kind of habits that help them deal with the world. If you find that you are longing to be a happier person, there’s no need to fret. You, too, can practice the daily habits of a happy person.

10 Successful Habits Of Incredibly Happy People That Will Benefit You

1. Take a day all for yourself because you deserve it

It’s okay to be ambitious and to take care of other people, but happy people also know when to set aside a day to take care of themselves!

According to Dr. Aymee Coget, “By not taking a little time out of each day for yourself, you might be less happy than possible. Start by focusing on yourself. Acknowledge that your own happiness is important and practice happiness-boosting routines.”

Self-care is an important habit that’s practiced by happy people. Taking even just one day a week to enjoy yourself and take care of your mental health will improve your disposition.

2. Reach out to a friend and release your worries

Sometimes, things in life can get overwhelming. Instead of bottling it all up, happy people have learned to open up and reach out to their support network. Friends are the perfect people to release all your worries to. They make a good sounding board, and can often offer great advice. Remember to be there for them, too!

3. Make lists and finish them by organizing your time

To-do lists are the perfect way to deal with a busy schedule. Happier people organize the things that need to be done in a list, and then make sure that list gets done! No matter how big or small, whatever needs to get done that day goes on the list. You’ll be amazed how happy and accomplished you feel once the list is complete.

4. Do something kind for another person

Doing good and being a good person is proven to make you feel better and happier. When you bring happiness to someone else, you’ll remember how good it feels to be kind – and hopefully, that person will pay it forward!

According to Dr. Oliver Scott Curry from the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology, “Humans are social animals. We are happy to help family, friends, colleagues, community members and even strangers under some conditions. This research suggests that people do indeed derive satisfaction from helping others.”

Helping each other is the only way to make the world around us more positive with each good deed.

5. Cut toxic people out of your life no matter how difficult it feels

The thing that happier people all have it commons is not being surrounded by toxic people. Whether this person is a friend, partner or family member, your emotional well-being is more important than pleasing a toxic, negative or manipulative person.

happy

6. Make sure that you don’t skip meals and that you eat healthy food

Happy people eat, and that’s just a fact. This doesn’t mean you need to eat unhealthily, but skipping meals and undereating will only make you feel tired and weak, and it’s hard to feel happy when you’re hungry.

Professor Andrew Oswald says, “Eating fruit and vegetables apparently boosts our happiness far more quickly than it improves human health.” Make time in your schedule to eat, and your body will thank you for it.

7. Make sure your work area is clean and clutter-free

Whether this is a home, apartment, studio, or just the office workspace, happy people have happy spaces. Cleaning up loose cups, garbage or papers will make your mind feel less anxious. Plus, it’s so much nicer to spend time in a clean area instead of having to worry about when the next time you’ll clean it is.

8. Treat yourself because you deserve something nice too

Happy people know when they deserve something nice. As long as you don’t go overboard or make a bad habit out of it, shopping and treating yourself to something nice is a good way to keep your mood elevated. Try using this as a reward for getting work done, or finishing a big project!

9. Think positively no matter what influences your thoughts

This one can be hard, especially if you’re used to thinking negatively. The fact of the matter is, happier people focus on positive thinking. Rather than using negative words in their self-talk, happy people use a more positive outlook. Once you’ve mastered how to turn your negative thoughts into positive ones, you’ll be well on your way to being happier every single day.

10. In the end, remember to forgive yourself because no one is perfect

The mistakes that we make don’t define us, and people who live happier lives know the power that forgiveness can have. So, forgive yourself for taking that extra year off college, or turning down a job offer. Life is going to keep moving forward, so we might as well be as kind to ourselves as we can!

Learning happiness is different for everyone, but everyone can do it. Each person deserves to live a happier life, and the habits that lead you down that path are effective, healthy and can even help make the people around you more positive! Be kind to yourself, and remember that it’s okay if you don’t notice a change overnight. Some of these take time- but they’re so worth the effort!

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References
Increase Your Happiness by Making Time for Yourself http://www.blogher.com/increase-your-happiness-making-time-yourself
Being kind to others does make you ‘slightly happier’ http://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2016-10-05-being-kind-others-does-make-you-slightly-happier
Fruit and veggies give you the feel-good factor https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/07/160710094239.htm

5 Signs You Have Sun Poisoning

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When summer comes around, going out to the beach or the park when the sun is out just seems natural. Sometimes, though, we don’t always remember our sunscreen. When we spend all day out in the sun, most people expect to get a little tan, or maybe even a bit of redness or sunburn.

However, this isn’t the only danger to consider when you’re out in the sun all day. When you get too much sun, your skin becomes damaged by the UV rays. While it isn’t technically poisoning, it’s a name given to sunburn that is so severe that it affects the rest of your immune system. Here’s how to tell if your sunburn has turned into sun poisoning.

5 Signs You Are Suffering From Sun Poisoning

So how do you know if you have sun poisoning? And what does sun poisoning feel like? Here are some of the main symptoms and signs that you may be suffering from sun poisoning. Severe sunburns and subsequent sun poisoning can take effect after a relatively short time in the sun, so it is important to prevent sunburns with protective clothing and sunscreen, and treat with typical sunburn relief methods as soon as possible when the symptoms start to arise.

“A severe sunburn can be the start of this problem, which can increase over time until people cannot tolerate any sun exposure at all.” – Dr. Andrew Weil

1. You’re experiencing flu-like symptoms

sun poisoning

When you spend too much time in the sun, the damage done by UV rays can release chemicals into your body that then turn on your immune system. The achy, flu-like feeling that results is caused by sun poisoning. While it isn’t technically poisoning, it’s a name given to sunburn that is so severe that it affects the rest of your immune system.

According to dermatologist John Anthony, “When the skin is damaged by UV rays, it releases chemicals that basically turn on the immune system and make you feel terrible like you’ve got the flu.” So, if it’s summertime and you feel like you’ve got the flu, this could be a sign that you’ve got sun poisoning. Visit your doctor if you’re feeling like you caught the flu after a day at the beach.

2. Your skin starts prickling and gets too hot to touch

When you get regular sunburn, your skin is hot to the touch and it becomes uncomfortable with pressure — you might feel like you are having an allergic reaction. However, sun poisoning is going to hurt way, way worse. While sunburns tend not to hurt if you leave them alone, sun poisoning will cause a prickling sensation all over your body, and can cause pain so severe you may feel like screaming.

To relieve the pain, ensure you get a cool compress, aloe gel and ibuprofen to wait out the pain.

3. You start feeling dizzy or lightheaded

A combination of too much sun and dehydration can leave you feeling dizzy, nauseous and suffering through a mighty headache. If your head feels lightheaded, the best thing to do is get plenty of rest and stay hydrated. Drink plenty of fluids and lay down if you have to.

According to Dr. Richard Foxx, “You might start to feel dizzy, have bouts of nausea, or have a headache (to name a few), along with a sun rash. It’s important to note that sunstroke symptoms differ from sun poisoning and sunburn. Drink plenty of fluids for a few days. Ensure a few of these have electrolytes in them so your body gets rebalanced.”

Spending too much time in the sun can make you sweat, which will can quickly dehydrate your body and lead to that uncomfortable, dizzy feeling.

4. You start running a fever or just feel feverish

A fever means that your body is trying to fight something off. If you feel like you’re getting feverish when you’re out in the sun, or just after you come inside, it’s best to call your doctor or visit the urgent care. Spiking a fever means something is going wrong inside your body, and the cause could be sun poisoning.

To avoid this, make sure that the next time you go out in the sun, you apply sunscreen at least a half an hour before heading out, and to keep reapplying every couple of hours.

5. You start falling asleep in the sun

It can be so tempting to just drift off to sleep while laying on the beach or poolside. However, when you’re asleep you can’t accurately gauge how much sun your body is getting and whether or not you need to move inside. Sunburn can happen fairly quickly, and it can take a few hours to a whole night for the effects to reach their maximum potency. Try to avoid this kind of long term sun exposure, especially without protective clothing, but if you happen to fall asleep in the sun, take precautions and stay hydrated, even if you think you might be feeling okay.

Sun poisoning can be incredibly uncomfortable, and while not often fatal, it still isn’t fun. After a day in the sun, monitor your skin for any redness and keep hydrated just in case you spend too long enjoying the warm weather. There are ways to soothe a sunburn after being in the sun, but the best way to ensure you don’t get sun poisoning while you’re out and about is to follow medical advice and apply sunscreen 30 minutes before you leave the house.

If you’re swimming at the beach or the pool, apply every two hours afterward when you get out of the water. Stay hydrated as well! Make sure you always have water with you. If you are worried that you might be experiencing something beyond a regular sunburn, contact your local health care professional, and follow their medical advice. You’ll sweat more than you realize when you’re out in the sun, especially if you’re swimming.  Summer is always fun, but it’s crucial to ensure safety comes first!

References
6 Silent Signs Your Sunburn Is Actually Sun Poisoning http://www.rd.com/health/conditions/signs-of-sun-poisoning/
Symptoms of Sun Poisoning (Sunburn) http://www.doctorshealthpress.com/general-health-articles/symptoms-of-sun-poisoning/

10 Sentences To Never Say In A Relationship

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No relationship is easy. Fights can happen, arguments can arise, and in the heat of the moment, we all can sometimes say things that we don’t mean to. While our mouths often run off without our brains, it’s important to make sure that nothing we say during an argument can lead to deeply hurt feelings or a loss of trust – or to making the argument worse!

So, even when in the middle of an argument, there are definitely things that shouldn’t be said.

Here Are 10 Sentences You Should Never Say In A Relationship

1. “You’re overreacting.”

This is the easiest way to invalidate someone’s emotions. Suggesting that your partner is overreacting is the easiest way to lead to hurt feelings. Besides, in the middle of an argument, emotions are going to be running high. Acknowledging how the other person feels is the best way to deal with those emotions. Suggesting that they’re over-the-top or unnecessary is only going to make the other person even more upset.

2. “You let me down.”

Even if your partner did disappoint you, it’s best to explain exactly how and why. Rather than pulling the disappointment card and making the other person feel guilty, try explaining the expectations that you had and what can be done in the future to help you and your partner achieve the needed goal. Trying to make the other person feel guilty isn’t going to solve the problem; it’ll just make it worse.

3. “Calm down.”

There’s nothing that can rile a person up more than hearing someone tell them to calm down when they’re not even close to overreacting. If they were throwing objects or screaming, this might be an appropriate phrase. However, if your partner is legitimately upset and expressing their emotions, albeit passionately, telling them to “calm down” is only going to have the opposite effect – while minimizing how they feel. It’s best to let the other person say what they need to say and express how they feel.

4. “Just drop it.”

Sometimes, we all need to step away from an argument for our own mental health. However, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do this. According to licensed mental health counselor Nicki Nance, “Don’t say anything dismissive in the middle of a conversation as a way to avoid talking about something uncomfortable. Dropping a conversation midway diminishes the importance of the relationship and makes your partner feel unheard.”

If the argument is getting to be too much, simply asking, “Can we take a break from this?” can pause the discussion until both people are feeling more capable of continuing. However, telling someone to “just drop it” is shutting down the discussion, locking the door, and throwing away the key.

5. “You’re such a…”

If this is followed by any kind of expletive, or anything other than “…kind and caring partner”, you might want to forgo finishing that sentence. Name-calling is not only immature, but it doesn’t get the argument anywhere. In fact, if can be downright mean and one person can feel legitimately hurt when their partner resorts to name-calling or swearing in the middle of an argument. Sometimes, we say things we don’t mean – and we can’t always take them back afterward.

6. “Maybe we should break up.”

Threatening to walk out and leave the relationship during an argument is both manipulative and the cause of mistrust and hurt feelings. The only thing that pulling this particular card will do is make the other person feel like they have to walk on eggshells during a disagreement to avoid being broken up with. Out of all the things never to say during an argument or in the heat of the moment, this is the big one.

7. “You don’t know anything.”

“Making someone feel worthless is harmful as it cuts to the core value of a person. It’s emotionally and spiritually violent, and it chips away at a person’s self-worth.” – Natasha Sandy

Differing opinions and disagreements happen in relationships all the time. Whether or not you and your partner agree has no bearing on what your partner does or doesn’t know. The only thing this phrase will do is make the other person feel small. It’s possible to disagree, even during an argument, in a respectful manner that doesn’t insult the other person’s intelligence. According to counselor and therapist Natasha Sandy, “It’s much easier to stop yourself from saying such disrespectful, hurtful words than it is to try undoing the damage afterward.”

8. “You’re being crazy.”

Emotions can run high, but just because someone is emotional doesn’t mean that they’re not thinking logically. Dismissing someone’s reality is cruel and unfair, and it’ll only serve to make the other person distrusting in the relationship and less prone to sharing how they’re really feeling. Allow your partner to explain and share their feelings and their perception of the situation without dismissing how they feel.

9. “It’s fine.”

Only say “it’s fine”, if it really is fine, and then make sure to follow up with an assurance that yes, it is actually fine. If it – whatever it is – isn’t actually fine, then your partner needs to know. While it may work to smooth over a bump in the road, the underlying problem in the foundation will still be there. The only way for things to be fine is if they’re worked on by both partners, not if one partner is running away from the argument.

10. “I’m done.”

When someone says “I’m done”, the meaning is quite clear to their partner: they’re not worth fighting for. According to licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert Rhonda Richards-Smith, “This statement sends a very abrupt and dismissive message to your partner that they can become expendable in an instant.”

If you’re not really done, don’t say that you are. Again, this will only make the other person feel as if they have to be careful about what they say or feel, or risk being walked away from. If you need to step away from the argument, that’s one thing. But don’t throw it all away on one little fight!

Even in the middle of a passionate argument, it’s important that we keep our heads about us. Saying something we don’t mean can damage a relationship, and there are always some things that are said that can’t be taken back. Arguments can always be put on hold if we feel like we may say or do something we’ll regret.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Smart Ways To Deal With A Hostile Ex

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Hopefully, you’ll never have to experience a hostile ex-partner. However, if you do find yourself in the situation where you have an ex that won’t leave you alone or is plaguing you with texts, phone calls, or even threats, you need to know how to handle it. Break-ups can be messy, and not all of them end amicably.

When an ex-partner refuses to accept that they’re no longer part of the other person’s life, it can lead to some pretty scary situations. The most important thing to know is to stay smart and stay safe. It may be tempting to plan revenge against an ex-partner who is stalking and threatening you, but the goal is to not antagonize them into further action. Here are some tips on how to deal with a hostile ex while staying positive.

5 Smart Ways To Tell Your Hostile Ex To Leave You Alone

“When suspicion and hostility is allowed to fester, it can erupt into unrest.” –  Loretta Lynch

1. Figure out what your ex wants and talk it through

This can be anything from acknowledging their feelings, to getting back together. If it’s the former, try and figure out what feelings they need validated and see if you can talk through them in a positive and healthy manner that doesn’t dissolve into name-calling and arguments.

If it’s the latter, make it clear that you have no intentions of getting back together. It may be tempting to try and placate them with a vague “someday, maybe”, but this will only add fuel to the fire in the long run. The goal is here is to figure out what they want from you so that you can figure out how best to get them to leave you alone.

2. Don’t take the bait and be part of the scheme to get your attention

You may notice that if your ex is not getting the response out of you that they desire, they may move on to other tactics to get your attention. For instance, they may create false emergencies to get you to speak to them, or they may threaten self-harm or suicide. If you’re worried, contact someone close to them who can help – either to assist them in a real emergency, or talk them down from doing something self-destructive to get your attention.

Err on the side of caution if your ex is continually leaving you hanging with cliff hangers and promises of discovered secrets. Chances are, they’re just trying to get you to talk to them.

3. Don’t meet up with your ex unless absolutely necessary

According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Ron L. Deal, “Face-to-face interaction has the most potential for conflict.  Use the phone when possible or even talk to their answering machine if personal communication erupts into arguments.” Sometimes, you just can’t avoid seeing your ex-partner, especially if you’re going through a divorce or there are kids involved.

If your ex is particularly hostile, you should only meet up with them in populated areas to avoid public outbursts, or to have witnesses to any kind of harassment – verbal or otherwise. If you’re feeling particularly vulnerable, bringing a friend with you is good.

Your ex may not feel like lashing out in front of someone else, and there can always be someone there to make sure that help can be called if needed.

4. Document everything, whether it’s a phone call, messages or emails

If your ex is stalking you or leaving you threatening text messages and voicemails, you’re going to want to save everything. Or if your ex is coming to your house and trying to get you to let them in, record the incident on your phone either with the camera of voice memo. If, God forbid, you have to get the law involved, physical evidence is going to hold up a lot better than he said-she said.

According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Virginia Gilbert, “Do not listen to conventional wisdom that your ex will “move on” in time. Well-adjusted people move on; high-conflict personalities never quench their thirst for revenge and their desire to feel like “the good one.” Document everything; save hostile e-mails, take screen shots of abusive texts, note every violation of your court orders.”

Let your ex’s calls go to voicemail and save any threatening or harassing messages. If the only time that they threaten you is when you pick up the phone, have a voice recorder and put the phone on speaker so you can record everything they’re saying.

5. Have a support network to confide in when you feel defeated

Whether your support network is close friends or family members, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to deal with this alone. Keeping a network of people who can support you during this time means that you are not only getting the emotional support you need to handle the situation, but it can also serve as a warning that your ex may approach them in the coming days for information about you. Friends and family can also help document anything your ex does that is worrying, harassing, or threatening.

Hostile ex-partners can be scary, but a way to handle them can keep you safe. Knowing the right course of action means you’re already ahead of them. While your ex’s actions may be largely driven by negative emotions, you’ll have the tools to deal with the situation while staying safe, positive and smart. Remember: never fight fire with fire when it comes to a hostile ex. It can be tempting to retaliate, but it may not stop your ex’s behavior. Don’t be afraid to call the police if you need to. Making sure you and everyone else involved stays safe is the number one priority!

References:
Dealing with a Difficult Ex-Spouse: 10 Tips to Help You Cope https://smartstepfamilies.com/view/dealing-with-a-difficult-ex-spouse
What Therapists Don’t Tell You About Divorcing A High-Conflict Personality http://www.huffingtonpost.com/virginia-gilbert-mft/what-therapists-dont-tell_b_2622776.html

Relationship Experts Reveal 5 Secrets to Happy Marriages

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Research psychologist and relationship expert John Gottman explains over 40 years of research in his book ” What Makes Love Last ,” that trust and commitment are the two biggest secrets to happy marriages. Beyond that, we asked our community of relationship experts to reveal more secrets to happy marriages.

Anyone who is married will tell you that it’s hard work. It’s a commitment that requires more effort than simply long-term dating. When you bring someone into your life in a permanent way, you’re going to have a few bumps along the way. Just because marriage can be difficult, doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth it! Marriage can be a blissful time in someone’s life, filled with all of the best memories.

Marriage can bring couples strength and support that they may not otherwise have. Not all marriages are successful, however. Those that are require effort on the part of both parties to make sure that the marriage stays healthy and successful. Relationship experts have revealed exactly what it takes to make sure that a marriage stays strong.

Here Are 5 Secret Ingredients To Happy Marriages

“The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” – Julia Child

1. BE KIND

According to relationship expert James Preece, “The biggest gift you can give your partner is the chance to miss you.” After the honeymoon phase has ended, you may not find that you want to be around your partner 24/7 anymore- and that’s okay! Being around someone all the time can cause annoyance, or make one person or the other feel smothered.

It’s important that each partner have time to themselves. It’s also important that your partner has a chance to miss you. A marriage is bringing two lives together, not living one life. It’s important that each partner have their own friends and interests in addition to the ones that you share together.

While this may seem easy when dealing with someone you love, we all have had moments where we say things that we don’t mean to say, or adopt a passive aggressive manner to display our displeasure. Focusing on being kind will strengthen any marriage. This includes conceding to your partner’s thoughts, feelings and opinions and validating how they feel, even if you don’t agree.

2. COMPROMISE

Being able to have arguments or disagreements and come back with a compromise will make the relationship and the marriage ten times stronger. According to marital therapist Andrew Marshall, “People think love is just about connection, but what’s equally important is to have good relationship skills. And the most important one is to be able to negotiate with one another.”

Being able to negotiate with your husband or wife on even the smallest things can build up both trust and confidence in your ability to communicate, so that when something big happens you’ll be able to dive headfirst with open communication to solve the problem. Arguing until one person gives in will only cause resentment to grow and fester in the marriage, which will weaken the bonds of the relationship.

3. LEARN TO LISTEN

Give your partner time to speak what’s on their mind. Even if the argument seems to be going nowhere, it’s important that both partners have the space and time to speak. According to therapist Dr. Mike McNulty, “Focus on the stressful things or events that are important to your spouse. Listen. Help your spouse express his or her feelings. Empathize. Show support. Don’t problem solve or fix. Most of us just want to be heard.”

relationships

We, as humans, have a tendency to try and bring in a counterpoint against every point made before the other person has an opportunity to say everything they need to say. While it may be tempting to interrupt, it’s important that everyone has an opportunity to speak. And even more essential: both partners have to learn to actively listen. Instead of thinking up a counterargument, listen intently to your partner and hear everything that he or she is saying. Only then can true communication happen.

4. GIVING ONE ANOTHER SPACE

 

If you don’t understand a point your partner is making, being kind can mean saying, “Will you help me understand?” Sometimes, being kind means admitting that you’re wrong and saying, “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?” At the same time, being kind means accepting that apology and forgiving your partner and working through the argument in a more affirming manner.

5. HAVE FUN

Don’t ever forget the reason that you married one another – that you were in love and enjoyed each other’s company so much you wanted to do it together for the rest of your lives! Having fun together is the best way to build intimacy and to keep your marriage strong. There are times to be serious and there are times to be silly, and a strong marriage has a healthy balance of both. Staying physically intimate is an important part of keeping your marriage strong. Set aside time to have some romantic time together, to have fun with it. This can mean sending the kids away to your parents’ house, or even booking a weekend romantic getaway at a nearby hotel. However you do it, make sure that you always set aside time to reconnect together.

While marriage may not always be smooth sailing, there are ways to keep the ship afloat. Learning how to communicate your needs and feelings with your partner will make sure that you have the foundation to whether any storm, be it financial hardships, grief, upheavals or arguments. Love is an important factor in keeping your marriage strong, but it isn’t always enough. Hopefully, these tips from relationship experts will give everyone the tools they need to make sure their marriage stays healthy – from “I Do”, to the rest of your lives together.

References:
Relationship Experts Reveal The Things All Successfully Married Couples Do http://www.goodhousekeeping.co.uk/news/how-to-have-successful-marriage
Relationship experts reveal 6 secrets that help power couples stay together http://www.businessinsider.in/Relationship-experts-reveal-6-secrets-that-help-power-couples-stay-together/articleshow/51704375.cms

Researchers Reveal Left-Handed People are the Smartest

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Are left-handed people more intelligent than their right-handed counterparts?

“The findings are considered to support the view that greater engagement of right-hemispheric resources facilitates the performance of higher order functions that orchestrate cognition, such as mental flexibility, inhibitory control, and working memory operations.” – Beratis et. al (2013)

Okay, so approximately 10 percent of our readership is ecstatic, while 90 percent aren’t. “That’s total B.S!” may be your reaction – but wait, there’s more!

A couple of things to clear up beforehand:

(1) Research swings both ways on the lefty/righty debate.

(2) We are being as objective as possible by using peer-reviewed data.

Intelligence, smarts, or whatever term you may use to describe brainpower is, in itself, a highly debated topic!

Some people call “B.S.” on I.Q tests – and there’s plenty of good reasons. For example, did you know that most “intelligence” tests do not measure creative skills? In other words, most IQ tests do not consider a crucial component of abstract thinking.

But what does science say? We will narrow down the thousands of studies that have “solved” the right/left debate to just a few publications.

Anyways *puff*, onto the science!

Why Left-Handed People Are the Smartest, According to Science

left-handed

1. “Divergent Thinking”

Interestingly enough, one of the main advantages of being a lefty is divergent thinking – aka, creativity and abstract thought.

Most studies reveal that lefties possess a more developed right hemisphere of the brain, which might have a greater influence on abstract thinking than the left hemisphere.

Another interesting and quite plausible hypothesis is that lefties, as part of a minority group, develop a more individualistic (less group-oriented) mindset. An independent frame of mind and creative giftedness often lead lefties down the path of an artist.

2. Better, faster hand-eye coordination

Some Australian researchers made an interesting observation: 25 percent of Major League Baseball (MLB) players are lefties – 2.5 times the rate of the general population. This number is what scientists call “statistically significant” (i.e., it’s worth a damn.)

A study published in the journal Perceptual and Motor Skills found “statistically significant differences in proportions of left-handed persons” who “(engaged) in “interactive sports.” What’s more interesting is what they didn’t find – an advantage in “non-interactive” sports. The difference? Interactive sports: baseball, boxing, fencing, tennis. Non-interactive: bowling, diving, gymnastics.

In short, lefties (theoretically) have better and faster hand-eye coordination.

They also have…

3. Faster reaction times

Now this “lefties are more athletic” theory is making a bit more sense. Better, quicker hand-eye coordination and faster reaction times? You’d see that scribbled down in some pro scout’s notepad.

In a study published in the journal Neuropsychology, researchers discovered “a relationship (between) interhemispheric transfer time and hemispheric interaction in left-handed participants. (Results) demonstrate significant handedness effects, suggesting that left-handed individuals tend to have more hemispheric interactions.”

This scientific mumbo-jumbo boils down to this: lefties, on average, have faster left/right brain connections than righties. (Couldn’t they have just said that?)

4. Better spatial ability

Johns Hopkins University’s Center for Talented Youth defines spatial ability as “the capability to understand and remember the spatial relations among objects … made up of numerous subskills, which are interrelated among each other and develop through your life.”

Spatial skills are among the most “convenient” to have. For example, someone with this ability is generally excellent with directions. The skillset may also be lucrative. That’s because many lefties enjoy prominence in architecture, engineering, mathematics, and technology.

5. They’re emotionally intelligent

“For left-handed people, implicitly, they think good stuff is on the left, even though consciously, explicitly, everything in language and culture is telling them the exact opposite,” says Daniel Casasanto, psychologist and professor at Stanford University.

Dr. Casasanto makes an important point. For years, and it continues today (though to a lesser extent), left-handed people were/are discriminated against. Did you know that, simply by being born left-handed, many people assumed lefties were “crippled, defective, clumsy, inept, doubtful, questionable, ill-omened, inauspicious and illegitimate”? We were talking less than 100 years ago.

Most of this revolting ignorance has (thankfully) gone by the wayside. Having something in common with five of the last seven presidents, four of five designers of the Mac computer (including Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak – and their competitor, Bill Gates), and possibly the most incredible mind in history – Albert Einstein – will quickly render critics silent.

Plus, lefties have their day: International Lefthanders Day. Yep, that’s pretty cool.

On August 13, be a pal (or look smart) while offering a crisp high-five using your southpaw.

left-handed

How do lefties adapt to a right-handed world?

Approximately 90% of the world population is right-handed. Individuals who prefer using their left hand are in the minority, with only 10% of the world’s population. Being left-handed is unique. But it also means learning how to adapt to a right-handed world.

Left-handed people tie their shoes differently.

If your parent or teacher is right-handed, as a leftie, you probably had to teach yourself how to tie your shoes. Learning how to hold the shoestrings in one hand while looping the other string around takes practice. Of course, many left-handed people adapt by learning to do tasks like tying their shoes with their right hand.

A left-handed person eats differently.

Although many left-handed people choose to eat like right-handed, some lefties hold their fork in their left hand with the fork tines facing down. They cut their food with the knife in their right hand. Strangely enough, we traditionally called this eating “right-handed eating.”

To make it even more confusing, Europeans eat this way–even righties.

They write uniquely.

Lefties have gotten a bad rap for sloppy handwriting, but that’s not always true. Many lefties have beautiful handwriting. It involved holding a pen differently, shifting the paper to a different angle than a right-handed writer, and trying to write in a right-handed spiral notebook. Still, lefties all face these challenges when they write.

They adapt how they use scissors.

Right-handed individuals should try to use scissors in their left hand to experience the challenge lefties face. Fortunately, left-handed scissors exist–they have different grips and reversed blades so lefties can cut more easily.

They need to move their computer mouse in a different way.

Computers always have the mouse on the right side. Moving the mouse on the left side seems simple enough, but it’s more involved than that. You must go into your computer settings and change the mouse button, or it won’t work.

How they use zippers.

Pants zippers provide an everyday challenge to lefties. So a left-handed person must awkwardly reach around to zip up or down.

How they use cupholders.

Indeed, righties don’t even need to think about most car cup holders are on the right side of the driver’s seat. This means lefties must adapt by setting their coffee in the cup holder with their right hand or reaching around with their left hand at an awkward angle to put their coffee in the cupholder.

They change up how they swipe their credit card.

Most stores’ credit card machines require lefties to reach around and swipe on the right side of the machine. As with many other situations, a left-handed person may adapt by using their right hand to swipe their credit cards.

left-handed

Giving a signature varies.

If you sign your name on a credit card machine, the pen is always on the right. Lefties must adapt by reaching over the machines and signing their names at an awkward angle.

5 Toxic Ingredients To Stop Using Immediately

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It’s hard to know what ingredients are in everything we use daily. From lotion to makeup, to shampoo, there are things that we use every day that often go overlooked because they’re so commonplace. When was the last time we all stopped to really think about the types of ingredients that are being used in our shampoos?

Things that we use every day in our morning or nightly routines could be full of potentially toxic chemicals. Not only are some of these chemicals bad for our bodies, but they’re also bad for our environment. Some of these ingredients are more toxic than others. But there’s still an alternative to help keep our bodies free from unhealthy chemicals. Take a look at these five different toxic ingredients that can be found in our everyday bathroom routine.

If You Have These 5 Toxic Ingredients At Home, Throw Them Away

“Even in tiny amounts, many of the chemicals commonly found in our cosmetics can have a tremendous health and hormonal impact, and we are only beginning to understand the consequences.” – Dr. Trevor Cates

1. FORMALDEHYDE

This particular ingredient is a naturally occurring gas. It is often used as a preservative, so if this ingredient sounds familiar, you’re probably thinking back to 8th-grade science class. The EPA and Toxic Substance Control Act heavily regulate the use of formaldehyde. However, there are no restrictions currently for beauty products that contain formaldehyde. Formaldehyde is often a preservative in hair products and face makeup.

When checking ingredients lists, watch out for things like ‘diazolidinyl urea” and “quaternium-15”, preservatives that release formaldehyde.

2. PETROLATUM

This is an ingredient that is used in lipstick to keep it moist. You also see petrolatum in lotions and creams. Petrolatum is a “crude oil.” It’s not currently restricted in America, and the FDA has approved its over-the-counter uses. However, with Petrolatum comes a risk of cross-contamination with chemicals that can cause cancer that are often found in crude oil. To cut out petrolatum altogether, buy products made by brands you know don’t use this particular ingredient.

To cut out petrolatum altogether, buy products made by brands you know don’t use this particular ingredient.

3. TRICLOSAN

This ingredient is found in toothpaste, mouthwash, body wash, deodorants and shampoo. It’s an antibacterial as well as a preservative, however, the FDA has recently banned its usage in both body and hand wash. Yet, it can still be found in mouth products such as toothpaste and mouthwash. While it may be good to fight against gum disease, the risks of long-term triclosan usage show potential disruption to hormones, allergies, and can even be linked to certain cancers. Keep an eye out for this particular ingredient, and try buying natural toothpastes and mouth washes.

Keep an eye out for this particular ingredient, and try buying natural toothpastes and mouth washes.

4. PARABENS

Another preservative, parabens are often found naturally in fruit and vegetables, such as blueberries or carrots. It is one of the most widely used ingredients in beauty products. The studies on parabens show that a buildup in our bodies can reduce fertility, and their mimicry of estrogens has led to worries about breast cancer in the past. Parabens are not currently restricted in the U.S, and the FDA has not connected them to detrimental effects in our health.

However, alternatives to parabens used in cosmetics may lead to irritation in the skin, so stop using them immediately if your skin reacts poorly.

hand sanitizer

5. PHTHALATES

This ingredient isn’t required by law to be placed on ingredient labels. You can find it in everything from our nail polish to our perfume. Phthalates are restricted in using children’s products, however, most households have cosmetics and other items that have phthalates, such as cleaners. To avoid phthalates, keep an eye out for packaging that includes “recycling-code-3” plastics, and any ingredient vaguely described as “fragrance.”

It may seem like everything we use is filled with chemicals that we would not otherwise want on our bodies. But don’t worry. There’s always a more natural alternative. Keeping an eye out on labels and knowing what chemicals to avoid will help make the choice of what products to buy easier!

Natural products will use less chemicals that are both bad for our bodies and bad for our environment, meaning that making the switch between products will do good for everyone in the long run. Keep an eye out for these chemicals, and choose a healthier alternative, if possible!

Researchers Explain How Negativity Feeds Cancer

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Emotions are deeply tied to our overall physical health. When our minds and emotions are suffering, our bodies also suffer. The magnitude of emotions affecting our bodies may be greater than we have anticipated. Anxiety and depression can cause our bodies to feel overtired and run down and even suppress our immune systems. But what can negativity do?

But negative emotions can do much more than that. For example, scientists are now looking toward negative emotions as a detrimental cause of cancerous growth. Cancer has always been known as a growth of cells,. Indeed, most causes tend to be chemicals such as the ones in cigarettes, carcinogens in air pollution, and even chemicals that we ingest every day in our food.

Cancer has always been something medical that can be fought against with medicines and surgeries – but now, scientists are revealing that negative emotions can feed cancer. This new discovery also means positive emotions can send us well on our way to healing.

But How Does Negativity Encourage Cancer Growth?

Twenty years of research has found that cancer development can be caused by negative feelings, with the feelings of “unforgiveness” being one of the leading emotions. Forgiveness has long been linked to our mental and physical health. The chief surgeon at the Cancer Treatments of America, Dr. Steven Standiford, explained that healing emotional wounds is just as important in cancer treatments as treating physical ones.

The evidence for emotional involvement in both the spread of cancer and its healing elements has caused the inclusion of “forgiveness therapy.” A look into cancer patients has found that 60% of those patients have some kind of issue with forgiveness, an emotional block against allowing themselves to forgive the people in their lives that have caused them hurt. Half of those patients are dealing with severe cases of cancer.

“Chronic anxiety very predictably produces excess adrenaline and cortisol, which deplete the production of natural killer cells, which is your body’s foot soldier in the fight against cancer.” – Dr. Michael Barry

Negative emotions and physical ailments work like this: the negative feelings are being kept inside, bottled up, and never released. Keeping these negative emotions locked inside and refusing to work through them can cause chronic anxiety in anyone. This anxiety creates chemical and physical changes in your body, such as an excess of adrenaline. This excess adrenaline makes it harder for your body to produce the cells it needs to fight the cancer. The way to alleviate this chronic anxiety is to deal with the negative anxiety emotions outright.

Being able to rid yourself of the extreme anger and hatred that comes with being unable to forgive means that your body will no longer be a victim of the chronic anxiety these feelings produce. This isn’t just with cancer, however. Focusing on forgiveness has been proven to heal the emotional and mental scars that many of us carry throughout our lives. A recent study on female survivors of emotional abuse focused on women’s forgiveness regarding their healing process.

The study found that the women who used forgiveness as a form of healing were less likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and anxiety. Forgiveness can be the path to helping people deal with all sorts of illnesses, both mental and physical. That’s because of the way our emotions work has a proven effect on our physical well-being.  Counselors who specialize in the art of forgiveness relay that this process begins with one’s self-acceptance. In fact, they note how turning your effort inward into forgiveness allows you to release all that pent-up anger at those who have hurt you in the past.

 

cancer

Final Thoughts on Releasing Negativity and Loving Yourself

Once you can focus on yourself, you no longer hold the grudges that made you ill in the first place. Less emotional turmoil means that your mind and your body are well on your way to healing. Learning to forgive can be difficult. That’s why there are therapies dedicated to this process! However, no matter the challenges, learning to allow yourself to forgive means that you will be a more healthy and happy individual. Forgiveness is rarely about the other person.

Forgiveness is about being able to release negativity from holding you down. In this case, it can make you ill. After all that research, we see how positive emotions can bring about the best of changes in your life.

References
Negativity Literally Makes Cancer Grow Inside The Body, According To Science
http://healinglifeisnatural.com/negativity-literally-makes-cancer-grow-inside-the-body-according-to-science/?=pa
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