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8 Habits of People Who Never Get Overstressed

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“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ~ Marcus Aurelius

Exhibit ‘A’: Stress and the Workplace

Most experts agree: we are working longer, harder, and less effectively. Part of the reason for this ineffectiveness is the prevalent belief that busyness equates to productivity. Here’s a perfect example: most workplaces give their workers two 15-minute breaks to use during the day. Nevermind that most experts are adamant about the brain needing a break every hour – not every 4.

The workplace, though arguably society’s most significant source of stress on a day-to-day basis, isn’t the only factor. Money, relationships, traffic, current events, lousy people, and straight-up bad luck all contribute to the stress epidemic facing the United States and much of the world.

But did you know that some people can weather pretty much any storm and be no worse for the wear?

These people have incredible resilience. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines resilience as:

‘The process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors.’

Resilience, in other words, is “bouncing back” from stressful experiences.

Habits of Resilient People

How are some people able to take a punch and stand right back up? How can they not become overwhelmed with stress or despair?

It’s all mindset. “He is able who thinks he is able.” ~ Buddha

Less-than-resilient people think their inherent personalities are fixed – also known as a ‘fixed mindset.’ The resiliency of stress-busters stems from a mindset of growth. How do you cultivate this frame of mind? Through routine behaviors, or habits.

8 Habits of People Who Never Get Overstressed

1. They Have a Support System

“No person is an island.”

It’s essential to understand that resilience can stem from the internal and the external. In other words, one’s personality (habits, mindset, etc.) isn’t the only factor.

People who prevent being overtaken by stress lean on all tools and all methods available; including family and close friends. Without a solid support system, many resilient individuals would have much more difficulty maintaining equanimity.

2. They Don’t Do Drama

Gossipers and drama queens create a toxic environment (read: tons of stress) everywhere they go. People who avoid being overstressed pay these people no mind – and they’re better off for it.

Have you ever met a resilient drama queen? If so, they’re probably not as buoyant as you think. Gossip and drama drain the energy resilient people need to forge ahead; hence, they avoid them like the plague.

3. They’re Always Improving

People who avoid excessive levels of stress are some of the most successful because they allocate their time and energy to improving themselves. These resilient souls know and accept that they are nowhere near perfect – and use self-improvement as a means of giving them an advantage.

People who roll with the punches don’t necessarily avoid being punched– they simply know how to absorb the blow and continue the fight.

stress

4. They’re Proactive Energy Managers

Buoyant personalities know themselves very well. They understand that energy is a finite resource, and they proactively manage that energy.

They may read a book instead of going out because there’s a tough day ahead; or maybe they’ll sleep an extra hour, eat a smaller meal, and get a quick workout. In short, they know what needs to be done and make sure they have the “get up and go” when the time comes.

5. They Know Their “Why?”

Knowing your “Why” behind everything you do makes stressful situations much easier to deal with. People who bounce back always seem to have a goal – personal, professional, or otherwise – that they’re actively working towards. And when times get tough, as they inevitably will, the resilient person remembers their “Why?”

6. They Strengthen Their Weaknesses

Resilient people are just that – people; people with strengths and weaknesses, just like everyone else. However, people who kick stress in the butt actively work on improving their weaknesses, which is the opposite of today’s “double down on your strengths and forget your weaknesses” attitude in society.

7. They’re Highly Self-Aware

Self-awareness is all about helping us get in touch with our psychological and physiological needs – understanding what we need, what we don’t need, and when it’s time to ask for some help. They’re excellent at listening to and following the subtle stress cues given off by their body and mind – the heart of self-awareness.

8. They Practice Acceptance

Stress and pain are a part of life. As with any event, emotional or otherwise, stress and pain comes and goes. Coming to grips with the stress or pain – as opposed to ignoring or suppressing it (which never works) – is much healthier, emotionally. Temporary stress and pain also provide another obstacle to be overcome on the way to self-mastery.

4 Habits of Conscious Couples

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“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined… to strengthen each other… to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.” – George Eliot

The above quote is pretty much at the heart of this entire article – conscious couples act together as one, instead of letting their egos take over. In today’s world, setting good habits and practicing them might not always come easily, but if both people work at it and care about their partnership, it can happen.

It takes two to have a good relationship, so doing little things each day to help strengthen your bond will have lasting positive effects on the partnership.

Whether you want to work on your relationship or you think you have it all figured out, we hope you can put some of the suggestions below to good use.

Here are 4 habits of conscious couples:

1. They treat each other with respect

Whether that means putting down the phone or video game when your partner talks to you, saying “thank you” for a kind gesture, or simply valuing your lover, respect is a vital piece of a healthy relationship. Couples who stay together for the long-haul know that respecting one another keeps the bond strong between them, and try to show respect daily. Respect boils down to caring about and loving your partner so deeply that you want to treat them like a king or queen, and not do anything to damage your special bond.

relationships

2. They know when to put down technology

Sadly, many relationships today have suffered due to the overuse of technology such as phones, computers, and video games. In one study, 70% of women said that technology interfered with their relationship with their partner, and this is only a small screenshot (no pun intended) of what the rest of the world deals with daily.

Conscious couples strive to only use technology sparingly, either for work or for entertainment. Technology can tear apart relationships, because overuse of it generally makes one or both partners feel disconnected from one another. This can lead to resentment of each other, and can affect listening skills. Technology creates so many distractions in today’s world, but conscious couples know when to shut down, unplug and disconnect, and reconnect with one another in the real world.

3. Conscious couples show affection daily

This doesn’t just mean physical affection, but also acts of kindness such as making coffee in the morning or cooking a nice meal in the evening for your partner. Conscious couples know that in order to make things work they have to act as a team, so while one person stays late at work, the other makes life a little easier on him/her by whipping up a meal. Or, maybe it means sending each other sweet texts throughout the day to let the other know you’re thinking of him/her and can’t wait to spend time together later.

Showing affection and kindness means that you appreciate and value your partner, and would do anything to see a smile on their face.

4. They do chores together

This might not sound like a fun way to spend time with your partner, but conscious couples make an effort to have quality time wherever they can get it. Plus, doing chores together shows that you think of the partnership as a team and want to reach goals as one. This might mean tag-teaming on the dishes or cleaning the bathroom together, because everyone knows that teamwork makes the dream work! Conscious couples usually have shared rituals as well, like brushing their teeth together or climbing in bed after a long day at work to read books side-by-side.

Final thoughts

Conscious couples simply have a greater awareness of what a privilege it is to be in a relationship, and want to nurture that bond as much as possible. While they have trials and tribulations like any other couple, they work together as a team to find a solution, and hear each other out without interrupting. What it really boils down to is having mutual respect, admiration, and love for one another, and not letting silly life matters get in the way of their magic.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
http://thespiritscience.net/2016/09/09/12-conscious-habits-people-in-healthy-relationships-do/
https://ifstudies.org/blog/technoference-how-technology-can-hurt-relationships

Scientists Reveal The Direct Link Between Sugar And Alzheimer’s Disease

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“Alzheimer’s is the most common form of dementia, a general term for memory loss and other cognitive abilities serious enough to interfere with daily life. Alzheimer’s disease accounts for 60 to 80 percent of dementia cases.” – alz.org
Before we get into how large amounts of sugar in one’s diet can contribute to Alzheimer’s disease, here are some basic statistics and facts about Alzheimer’s from alz.org:

– Alzheimer’s disease is the 6th leading cause of death in the U.S.
– Every 66 seconds, someone in the U.S. develops Alzheimer’s
– Since 2000, deaths from the disease have increased 89%
– In 2017, an estimated 5.5 million Americans were living with Alzheimer’s (two-thirds were women)
– Last year, Alzheimer’s cost the nation $259 billion
– By 2050, this number could rise to $1.1 trillionThese are sad and alarming figures, indeed. While Alzheimer’s disease can occur due to a combination of factors, scientists have discovered a direct link between a diet high in sugar and cognitive decline.

Here’s how sugar can contribute to Alzheimer’s disease:

Some scientists have even referred to Alzheimer’s as “type 3 diabetes” because of how insulin resistance seems to play a role in the disease. Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease, and type 2 diabetes can be caused by diet. Scientists have found that Alzheimer’s can be also caused by a sugary diet, but that isn’t always the case.

A longitudinal study, published a few weeks ago in the journal Diabetologia, followed 5,189 people over the course of 10 years and found that people with high blood sugar (though not necessarily diabetic) had a faster rate of cognitive decline than those with normal blood sugar. 

Another review of studies performed by Melissa Schilling, a professor at New York University, showed two different trends. First, people who have type 2 diabetes have twice the likelihood of getting Alzheimer’s, and second, people with diabetes who undergo insulin treatment also have an elevated risk of developing the disease. These two trends suggest that high insulin levels are a definite risk factor in developing Alzheimer’s.
However, people with type 1 diabetes, who don’t make any insulin, also are at a high risk of getting Alzheimer’s.Schilling believes this happens because of the lack of an insulin-degrading enzyme, which helps breaks down both insulin and amyloid proteins in the brain. These are the same proteins found in large amounts in people with Alzheimer’s.
People who don’t make enough insulin, such as those with type 1 diabetes, also don’t make enough of the enzyme that helps to break down that insulin. However, on the opposite end of the spectrum, people who have too much insulin don’t have enough of the insulin-degrading enzyme left over to break up amyloid proteins since most of it is used to break down the excess insulin.
According to Schilling, this can happen even to people who are considered prediabetic. This condition affects approximately 86 million Americans.Rosebud Roberts, a professor of epidemiology and neurology at the Mayo Clinic, agreed with Schillings’ analysis.In a 2012 study, Roberts put nearly 1,000 people into four different groups based on their diet. The group whose diet came from mostly carbs had an 80 percent higher chance of developing mild cognitive impairment – which could lead to dementia—than those diet had the least amount of carbs. 
Roberts said that people with type 1 diabetes who have hypoglycemic episodes are usually the only ones at risk. However, she cautioned that everyone should watch their sugar, even if they don’t have diabetes.“Just because you don’t have type 2 diabetes doesn’t mean you can eat whatever carbs you want,” she said. “Especially if you’re not active.” Our diet, she added, is “a big factor in maintaining control of our destiny.”sugar and alzheimer's

Final thoughts:

With that said, diet is not the only factor that contributes to Alzheimer’s. However, diet is one thing that we have control over, unlike our genetics. That’s why it’s important to eat a healthy, balanced diet starting at a young age, and have a regular exercise regimen, which helps your body process insulin more effectively. Research is ongoing about the role sugar plays in the development of Alzheimer’s, but the above studies should help everyone make an informed decision about how much sugar to include in their diet. Remember that you are responsible for your health, and the decisions you make today have lasting implications for your future well-being.https://youtu.be/7BNGVmwxoHI

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
https://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/09/25/bittman-is-alzheimers-type-3-diabetes/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3494735/
https://www.news-medical.net/news/20160413/NYU-Stern-innovation-expert-uncovers-new-link-between-diabetes-and-Alzheimers-disease.aspx
http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/19/health/diabetes-doubles-alzheimers/index.html
https://www.alz.org/facts/
https://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_what_is_alzheimers.asp
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2769828/
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00125-017-4541-7
https://content.iospress.com/articles/journal-of-alzheimers-disease/jad150980

5 Early Warning Signs of A Child With Mental Health Problems

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Worldwide 10-20% of children and adolescents experience mental disorders. Half of all illnesses in mental health begin by the age of 14 … If untreated, these conditions severely influence children’s development, their educational attainments and their potential to live fulfilling and productive lives. ~ World Health Organization

A mental health disorder can be a terrible thing to live through, no matter what age. Unlike adults, however, children often lack the awareness, coping abilities, and resources to acquire treatment.

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that two in ten children suffer from a mental disorder. Per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the top five mental disorders for children aged 3 to 17 years are:

  • Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): 6.8%
  • Behavioral or personality disorder: 3.5%
  • Anxiety: 3%
  • Depression: 2.1%
  • Autism and Autism spectrum disorder: 1.1%

Suicide, according to the CDC, “can result from the interaction of mental disorders and other factors.” Relatedly, suicide is the second-leading cause of death in adolescents.

There tends to be some commonality among young people with mental health problems. As such, there are distinctive signs of mental health disorders in children and adolescents.

Here are five such signs:

1. They’re More Aggravated

Just like adults, children get stressed out and aggravated. Child aggravation is usually triggered by school or peer pressures; however, noticeably intensified aggravation may stem from an underlying mental health disorder.

Children developing a mental disorder often make excuses not to go to school or study. Their nerves may trigger headaches, stomachaches, or other pains. Children who appear aggravated and withdrawn may be experiencing bullying or some other issue with a peer or peers.

In addition, bullying is quite possibly becoming the number one issue facing school-aged children today. As a result, bullying is a severe, modern-day threat to a child’s mental health.

bullied

2. They’re Increasingly Anxious

Childhood is supposed to be a relatively carefree time in one’s life; so when a young child begins displaying anxious behaviors, it may be a cause for concern.

Here’s a typical story of a child diagnosed with an anxiety disorder:

“Ella was a worrier. Every morning, she worried that she wouldn’t make the bus on time, even though she hadn’t missed it once all year. And every afternoon, she worried that she wouldn’t get her favorite spot at the lunch table, or that she might have a pop quiz in science class and wouldn’t be prepared…”

3. They Are Depressed or Withdrawn

Per the National Alliance on Mental Illness, one in five teens experiences a bout with depression; moreover, 8 percent suffer from a major depressive disorder (MDD).

Dr. Charles Raison, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Arizona College of Medicine provides his simple and straightforward advice: “I think you should start worrying … anytime there’s enough of a change when you go, ‘Oh, my God, they don’t seem like themselves.’”

Raison recommends that parents intervene should their child display depressive or withdrawn behavior for longer than two to three weeks. It is also common for children suffering from depression to experience dramatic changes in sleeping patterns.

4. They’re Abusing Alcohol or Drugs

Substance abuse research shows a direct, causal relationship between mental health disorders and drug abuse. Researchers estimate that approximately 70 percent of high school kids have tried alcohol; 40 percent have smoked or used tobacco, and 20 percent have an ongoing prescription drug addiction.

All of the abovementioned (and other) substances are especially dangerous when combined with a mental health problem. Abusing drugs or alcohol may become their go-to coping mechanism, drastically increasing the risk of deteriorating health and even death.

5. Their Performance Is Suffering

“Americans are inundated with messages about success – in school, in a profession, in parenting, in relationships – without appreciating that successful performance rests on a foundation of mental health.”

The above statement is courtesy of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). Per one HHS study, “there may be four or five adolescents” in some classrooms that suffer from severe mental illness.

Mental impairment almost always negatively affects performance. Considering that two-thirds of adolescents do not receive mental health treatment, the negative repercussions are vast on an individual and societal level.

Columbia University cites the following as academic issues resulting from mental illness:

  • Frequent absenteeism or tardiness
  • Lack of self-esteem
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Poor performance in reading, writing, and math
  • Repeating a grade level(s)
  • Recurring disciplinary problems

mental health

Final Thoughts: Getting Help for Childhood Mental Health

Early detection of childhood mental health problems and access to appropriate services is crucial. Studies show that prompt treatment leads to improvements in both mental disorder symptoms and school performance.

Indeed, appropriate treatment can spare the child or adolescent – and their loved ones – unnecessary pain and suffering. For information and resources about childhood mental health, please visit the website: https://kidshealth.org.

Relationship Expert Explains 5 Ways To Deal With A Jealous Ex

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As humans, we have all experienced the feeling of being jealous and sometimes, that jealousy is over our partner’s ex. Jealousy is a natural emotion, and it is neither good nor bad. There’s no shame in feeling an emotion. The important thing is learning how to deal with it, and how to overcome the feeling itself. People have been feeling jealous over their partner’s exes from the dawn of time, so there’s no need to feel bad.

But why?

“It can begin innocently. You’re human and therefore curious about your partner’s ex. We learn from the stories and anecdotes of others, so you want to figure out what attracted them to each other. And, naturally, you want to know why they broke up,” says intuitive life coach and writer Debra Smouse.

However, you may want to learn to move on and overcome this feeling for your own peace of mind. Relationship experts have detailed how to move on from the jealousy and keep your relationship strong.

“Jealousy is the fear of comparison.” – Max Frisch

Here Are 5 Ways To Deal With A Jealous Ex

1. Recognize that it is jealousy

Maybe you don’t like your partner’s ex for reasons that you can’t quite name. The first step to overcoming the jealousy you feel is to, of course, recognize that what you’re feeling is jealousy. It’s okay to admit this to yourself. After all, having or feeling an emotion is a neutral thing, whether or not the emotion is positive or negative.

“The number one thing to remind yourself of is that your partner’s ex is an ex for a reason and whatever the reason, there’s no need to obsess over her,” adds Smouse.

So, look inside yourself, understand and recognize what you’re feeling and whether its jealousy so that you can name it for what it is and learn to move forward.

jealous relationship

RELATED: Signs Someone Jealous Of  Your    Relationship

2. Ask yourself: Why?

What about your partner’s past relationship has you so transfixed? “The first way to deal with jealousy over a partner’s ex is by looking at your own insecurities,” says relationship counsellor and Gestalt therapist Clinton Power.

Confronting yourself and asking yourself why you’re focused on a relationship that your partner is no longer in can be a good tool in helping yourself overcome the feeling of jealousy in the first place. What emotions come up along with the jealousy? Do you feel like your relationship needs something to be on par with your partner’s past relationship?

“Don’t beat yourself up for having these feelings—everyone does. But if you don’t learn to identify these habitual patterns—which will drain at least half of their emotional intensity—you’ll keep feeling jealous, regardless of what your partner does or does not do,” adds Power.

Finding the cause of the jealousy will be invaluable to helping yourself overcome the feeling in the first place.

3. Talk to someone about your insecurities

Reach out to friends or family members who can help you work through the insecurities that you may feel. Not only will this be good for helping you get over feeling jealous over your partner’s ex, but it will also benefit you in the long run throughout the rest of your life.

It’s good to have a sounding board in order to talk through what you’re feeling, especially if you can’t pinpoint the exact reason for your jealousy in the first place. A therapist or counselor can help you talk through your insecurities.

They can “help you identify the emotional patterns that keep you caught and you’ll learn how to free yourself so you can be the best partner you can be and create the kind of loving relationship you want,” adds Power.

4. Connect with your partner

Perhaps your jealousy stems from feeling like your connection with your partner isn’t as strong as it could be. If this is the case, the best way to move beyond your jealousy is to work on connecting with your partner. Even telling them about your jealousy can be a turning point in the relationship that can create a stronger connection.

Remember, “jealousy isn’t necessarily bad, rather, it signals to you that your emotional needs or feelings may be unmet,” say couples’ counselor and dating coach Samantha Burns.

Of course, don’t make your jealousy the focal point of every session of deep connection that you have with your partner.  Address it, be honest, and allow yourself to move on from it. At the end of the day, you’re with your partner and they’re not with their ex – and for a reason! There’s always a reason that they moved on and found you, and focusing on that love and connection is the best way to release your feelings of jealousy.

5. Be honest

Be honest with yourself and with your partner. There’s no need to try and hide your feelings, especially if they’re causing you any significant amount of distress. Being honest will allow you to feel a more positive and uplifting energy from both your own self and from your partner.

“It can feel easier to avoid being honest if we feel that could be hurtful, but it is only with honesty that trust is built, and trust is the essence of a good relationship,” says author Kate Figes.

Also, allow your partner time to move on and grieve the end of their relationship with their ex if they have to, while also allowing yourself to be honest with your own feelings. It may take a little bit of communication and compromise, but moving on from your jealousy will make your relationship stronger, more positive and more connected.

Final thoughts

Jealousy is something that happens to all of us, especially in relationships.

“… you can’t control the random thoughts that pop in and out of your head — whether they’re jealous ones or not — but you can control whether you choose to dwell on these thoughts,” says author Jeff Billings.

The goal isn’t to stop yourself from ever feeling jealous, but rather, learning how to handle that jealousy in a calm, positive and productive manner. These steps will give you all you need to take control of your emotions and overcome your feeling of jealousy towards your partner’s ex. Once you do, you’ll be pleased to find all of the happiness that will come from within.

References:
https://www.yourtango.com/experts/debra-smouse/why-are-we-obsessed-our-partners-exes
https://clintonpower.com.au/2017/11/jealous-partners-ex/
https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/get-over-partner-past-jealousy/1591909
https://www.bustle.com/p/how-do-you-deal-with-jealousy-in-a-relationship-the-best-way-to-handle-7-types-of-envy-according-to-experts-80091

5 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Love You Unconditionally

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“A false love, begins with the eye and soon spills from the eye in pain. Where a true love, begins with the eye, and settles in the heart.” – Anthony Liccione

What does it mean to love someone unconditionally? It means that you’ll adore them no matter what happens in your life or theirs. You’ll love them even if they get sick, or lose their job, or even if they say something that upsets you.

“Unconditional love is not an unhealthy codependent relationship where one person compromises everything to please the other. You both compromise and treat each other with kindness. Showing love means you’re in this together no matter what. You are the other person’s champion in life,” says couple’s expert and author Stuart Fensterheim.

Loving someone unconditionally is a beautiful thing, but sometimes not everyone can have a partner who loves them this way. Many people may find that, after looking into it a bit more, their partner’s affection does, in fact, have conditions. This may mean that their partner’s love is conditional on key factors like job security, health, wealth, or any other condition that could possibly change.

Here Are 5 Signs Your Partner’s Love Has Conditions

1. They don’t like your personal issues

If your partner takes issue with your own personal problems, and can’t seem to find the empathy to help you through them, it may be a sign that their love isn’t unconditional. “This often happens when one partner has fought through a lot of difficulty in their life and gained strength from their ordeals, while the other has allowed life’s trials to defeat and depress them,” says art director Catherine Winter.

Unconditional love means that even if you have issues in your life from past relationships or from your childhood, your partner will love you even through the hard times. Everyone deserves to be met with kindness, patience, and understanding when it comes to their personal issues, especially when it comes to their partner.

partner doesn't love you unconditionally

2. They become upset when you don’t spend time with them

If your partner is happy and receptive to your affection only when you’re spending time with them, then you might have a partner whose love has conditions.

“When it comes to coping with feelings of jealousy or insecurity, couples can cross the line from love to possessiveness. They often intrude on each other’s boundaries and disrespect each other’s inherent independence,” says clinical psychologist and author Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

When people come together in a relationship, it’s meant to be two lives joining together as one. When one partner becomes frustrated or upset when they’re not getting all of the other partner’s attention, it can become a problem.

Everyone should be able to have their own lives, hobbies, interests and time spent outside of their romantic partner. Unconditional love will allow you to have time spent away from your partner, while knowing they’re happy as well.

3. They have high or impossible expectations

Everyone has expectations of a relationship – how much time to spend together, how to handle finances, how to diffuse arguments. These are normal. However, if your partner has expectations for you as a person, it might be a sign that their affectionate is conditional on those expectations being met.

“Although, there is nothing wrong with having expectations in a relationship, having unrealistic expectations can put stress on, and ruin, any relationship. Invariably, unrealistic expectations are positively correlated to issues of power, manipulation, and control,” says relationship expert Tarra Bates-Duford, Ph.D., MFT.

Unconditional love doesn’t put expectations on someone’s health, how much money they have, or the job they’re doing. A partner who accepts you unconditionally will continuing to support you even when you’re sick, poor, or looking for a new job. When things change, as things often do, unconditional love will always be there to support you.

4. They shut down when the going gets tough

A partner whose affection is conditional will often shut down during an argument or shut down when the relationship becomes rocky due to outside influences. Loving your partner unconditionally means “standing by them during difficult times, whether that’s the death of a parent, periods of financial hardship, or when/if they suffer from a serious illness,” adds Winter.

Even after an argument, a partner whose love is unconditional will not hold a grudge, and will still love you when the dust has cleared. Loving someone unconditionally means that things like arguments or tough spots in the relationship will not cause the love to falter or lessen in any way.

5. They want to change you

If a partner’s affection is conditional, you may find that they’re constantly trying to ‘change’ or ‘fix’ you in some manner, always implying that it’s for your own good, or that if you loved them you would do this for them. Unconditional love doesn’t hinge on the idea of having to change someone, or make them better in any way to continue to love them.

“The kinds of people who are into CHANGING the core essence of a human being can often be extremely charming entities who are also masters at manipulating you into thinking YOU NEED TO BE CHANGED,” says talk show host Zara Barrie.

When someone loves you unconditionally, you’ll find that you never have to make changes about yourself in order to continue getting them to love you. You never have to “work” for their love by changing some part of your personality. After all, they admire you for who you are.

unconditional love

Final thoughts

Unconditional love is something to strive for in every relationship. It is “so freeing and transformative because it lets you stop trying to change or control your partner. You’re free to work on yourself and find even better ways to live together in joy and love,” adds Fensterheim.

Even when things get hard, arguments arise, or life throws a curveball at you, there is someone out there for everyone who will adore them exactly as they are, without any expectations or conditions attached to that affection. It’s the kind of love that everyone deserves to experience.

References:
http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/2017/05/marriage-counseling-unconditional-love-partner/
https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6247/signs-your-love-is-not-unconditional/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201702/be-mine-dealing-possessiveness-in-relationship
https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/signs-dating-someone-change-you/1578738

Researchers Reveal: People Who Stay Away From Depression Do These 5 Things

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“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”– Laurell K. Hamilton

If you’ve ever had depression, it’s difficult to describe just how deep those wounds go within your soul, and how it feels to have to fight through every day. Living with depression can feel like drowning in your own head, with nothing around to hold onto. Unfortunately, studies show that those who have had depression at any point in the past have about a 50% chance of relapsing; after a second episode of depression, the relapse rate goes up to 70%, and after the third, up to 90%. This isn’t meant to further depress anyone, but to simply provide insight and show how damaging depression can be if left untreated.

Fortunately, there are ways to avoid relapsing into depression as long as you have the willingness to implement the practices in your own life.

Researchers Explain 5 Ways To Stay Away From Depression

1. Keep up your treatment

Just because your symptoms may begin to subside, it doesn’t mean you should give up on your coping strategies. Depression can occur at any point in someone’s life, especially if they have suffered from it before in the past. If you take medication for depression, don’t just stop taking it cold turkey because you start to feel better one day and think you can live without it.

If you do wish to stop taking the medicine, make sure to talk to your psychiatrist or healthcare professional first. If you use natural remedies such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, make sure to keep these a part of your lifestyle, even if you don’t practice them as often as you used to.

Even if you don’t feel depressed anymore, it can never hurt to have a little relaxation and mindfulness in your life!

2. Have a support group to turn to

We weren’t meant to go through life alone, and we shouldn’t have to. It’s important to have even one close friend or family member to turn to in times of crisis, but if you don’t have a support group already, you can always find one. Consider going to therapy if you need to talk through something that’s bothering you, or seek out free online resources for help.

If you are in immediate danger and need someone to talk to right away, you can visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

depression quote

3. Keep yourself busy

They say that an idle mind invites demons to play, because it gives you a lot of time to ruminate, which can lead to a depressed state of mind. Avoiding a relapse into depression can be as simple as having a routine and sticking to it. However, make sure you don’t just keep yourself busy for the sake of being busy – have activities in your schedule that you actually enjoy.

For example, maybe you could take yoga classes a few times a week after you get off work, or get a gym membership if you enjoy that type of exercise.

Speaking of which…

4. Get your body moving

By simply googling “depression and exercise,” you can find a plethora of studies citing the benefits of exercise for depressive symptoms. Exercise doesn’t just help you keep excess weight off and build muscle; it can literally rewire your brain and improve your mood. Most people think of exercise as a chore or as something unpleasant, but it doesn’t have to be.

You can exercise in thousands of different ways, so there’s bound to be something out there that works for you! If you don’t like gyms, you can try to find a club in your area that gets together for organized sports, or take up hiking or biking if you like solo activities. There’s something out there for everyone; you just have to get up and try out different things to discover how YOU like to move your body!

5. Be compassionate toward yourself

No one is perfect, and there are days when you won’t feel so good about yourself. However, you have to remember that you are your own worst critic, and in reality, you’re probably doing an amazing job in life. We can only see things through the lens of our own thoughts, so when you get down on yourself, try to adjust your lens a little bit. Keep in mind that this life isn’t easy, and there’s not a single person out there who has it mastered completely.

Be kind toward yourself, and remember to make yourself a priority every once in a while. Take the time you need to unwind, recharge, and feed your soul – you deserve it.

https://youtu.be/CU2LlJxEdJ4

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
https://www.powerofpositivity.com/avoid-depression-relapse/
http://themindunleashed.com/2018/01/free-depression-forever-applying-10-basic-principles.html
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2169519/
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/exercise-is-an-all-natural-treatment-to-fight-depression

7 Signs You’ve Found Your Best Friend For Life

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Best friends are kind of like soul mates – when you find your best friend, you’ll never find someone quite like them. Friends come and go from our lives for all sorts of reasons, but when you have a best friend, they’re going to stay in your life no matter what happens between you. But what sets a best friend apart from the kind of friends that will come and go with the tide of your individual lives? There are some telltale signs that the person you have with you is your best friend and they’re never going to leave you.

Here Are 7 Signs You’ve Found Your Best Friend For Life

“The biggest ingredient in a best friend is someone whose actions you respect and who you can truly be yourself around.” – Renee Olstead

 

signs of a best friend

1. They always know when you’re upset

There’s no need for you to spell out when you’re feeling upset – a best friend will be able to tell that you’re not feeling 100% without you having to say anything. This person will be able to tell how you’re feeling just by looking at you, or just by seeing how you’re acting. Other friends may be willing to listen when you’re upset, but only a best friend will know what you need before you even say it.

2. You always have an amazing time together

Hanging out at the apartment? Amazing. Going to a bad movie? Awesome. Taking a walk to the store? Fantastic. Everything you do together comes out good, and you’re always having a great time together. You care more about being together than what you’re doing, which means that you’re always going to be having a great time no matter what you choose to do. You never feel like you’ve wasted time when you’re together, even if all you do is sit on the couch and watch television.

3. They’re always supportive

No matter what you want to do, your best friend is going to be supportive of it. Do you want to entirely change your major? Then your best friend is going to help you figure out who to talk to. Do you want to go back to school entirely? Your best friend will be the one to help you fill out the application.

“A best friend for life boosts you up, not drag you down, even if it means her moving to a different place to fulfill her dreams, or you having to sacrifice your social life to achieve your goals,” says nurse Trish Yulo.

Whatever your life goals are, and no matter how much they change, your best friend is going to be the first one to support you.

4. You have a lot of inside jokes

You’re constantly getting confused looks from all of your other friends because you have so many inside jokes that it sounds like you’re speaking another language altogether. Every time you hang out you seem to come up with more and more jokes that nobody else understands but the two of you. Sure, you may have a few jokes with your other friends, but you’re constantly making up new and hysterical jokes with your best friend.

5. They don’t ask for anything in return

…But you are happy to give it to them anyway. When your best friend offers their help, no matter what it is, you know that it won’t be a tally held against you. The same goes for you towards your best friend – there’s no reason to ask for anything in return because you know that they’re always going to be there offering their help whenever you need it. You don’t even keep track of who bought dinner last because you know that they will always offer to pay.

6. You talk every day

Texting, emailing, phone calls, or talking in person – it doesn’t matter how you talk, just that you always talk. Every single day. Maybe it’s only a few texts in the morning because you have a busy schedule, but that doesn’t matter. Your best friend will always make sure that they’re able to get in contact with you in one way or another.

7. They know you and keep you in check

Like, really know you. Aristotle defined a true friend as a “single soul dwelling in two bodies.” Your best friend knows you inside and out. They know the superficial things like your favorite food and your favorite music, but they also know the deep things like your childhood experiences and what your deepest fears are. They remember everything about you because these things are important for them to know. On the flip side, you know everything about them, too.

They use what they know about us to keep us in check. “Good friends will keep you in check to some degree and not let your head get oversized. They knew you before you made it big or achieved any accolades. They know the deep-down, base version of you. So not only will they support you when you succeed, but they remind you [of] where you came from,” says certified psychiatrist and the director of the Cleveland Clinic mood disorder unit, Robert Rowney, D.O.

best friend

Final thoughts on finding your best friend for life

Finding your best friend is like finding a piece of your soul that you didn’t even know you were missing. It’s someone who will be with you through thick and thin and who will always make sure that you feel listened to, supported, and loved. Good friends are important, but a best friend is for life.

Psychologist Explains What People Need Most In A Relationship (And It Isn’t Love)

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“I strongly believe that understanding is more important than love, especially when it comes to parenting and an intimate relationship.” ~ Jeffrey Bernstein

Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist who has practiced for over 30 years. During this time, he has counseled adolescents, children, couples, and entire families. Dr. Bernstein has appeared on The Today Show, Court TV, and many television segments on both CBS and NBC. He’s written five published books and has been featured in Men’s Health, Ladies Home Journal, and Cosmopolitan magazines.

He’s a highly sought-after psychological expert and a brilliant man.

Dr. Bernstein is also a gifted psychologist who believes that love is not the most critical thing in a relationship. “Don’t get me wrong,” Bernstein explains, “I think love is great. I love my children and all of my family members. I love my wonderful fiancee.”

But love “is just not enough,” he continues, “I have met many divorced people who still love each other very much but yet they really never understood each other.”

Psychologist Explains What You Need Most In A Relationship (And It Isn’t Love)

In other words, Dr. Bernstein believes that the level of understanding between two people is more paramount to the viability of a relationship than love. Bernstein illustrates his theory using an unfortunate parent/child scenario:

“Some parents fail to ever really understand their children … sadly, many parents are never understood by their children … We tend not to like those parts of others that we do not understand.”

What Bernstein appears to be getting at is this: love without understanding is not “healthy” love. In the above parent/child scenario, the child doesn’t like the “part” of their parent(s) who never really understood him or her. The situation is all the more tragic when we consider that the child never really understood their parent(s), either.

In this case, would it really matter all that much if the child “loves” the parent? In this situation, a deeply-held biological imprint may be responsible for this love – not emotional reverence. This is a highly unusual emotional dynamic between parent and child.

While the variables understandably shift a bit, much of what Dr. Bernstein discusses applies to intimate relationships as well.

cares and appreciates

From Understanding to Empathy

“Well-adjusted couples work and learn to understand one another’s evolving needs as the year goes by,” Bernstein says, “Alternatively, couples that (divorce) have suffered a breakdown in understanding, also known as empathy.”

Now Bernstein is getting (quite literally) to the heart of the matter. Empathy, in plain speak, is a more potent variety of understanding – and one that is crucial in romantic relationships. Bernstein explains his viewpoints on the empathy topic using separation as the backdrop:

“Countless individuals reflect back on failed marriages or intimate relationships and say, ‘I guess we just drifted apart.'” Unsurprisingly, Dr. Bernstein doesn’t buy the “we just drifted apart” spiel: “Instead what likely happened is that they relied on their love versus their understanding to get them through difficult challenges and the passage of time.” (Emphasis mine.)

The emphasized points above are what resonate the most. Indeed, the presence of love but a lack of mutual understanding may pave the way to divorce court. “This often becomes translated to ‘I love you but am no longer in love with you,” explains Dr. Bernstein.

Checking the Ego

Ah, yes, the need to feel right; to feel superior. That’d be our ole’ friend, Ego.

Is it at all surprising that Ego obstructs communication, prevents understanding, and ends relationships? Rhetorical questioning aside, Ego has no place in a relationship. A relationship is, after all, a partnership. Intimacy demands vulnerability and trust in that partnership – something that our “me, me, me” Ego doesn’t like.

“Our egos are what seem to get in the way of understanding those who we love and care about. Often, it is our need to be right that makes what others think and feel so wrong for us.”

Egotism, though a dumb and childish behavior, is something we’ve all done, including the good doctor who admits “I have been quite guilty of this in some of my relationships.”

Bernstein delivers his final words:

“As I have written repeatedly … empathy is truly the emotional glue that holds all close relationships together. Empathy allows us to slow down and try to walk in the shoes we love … Not all relationships are meant to be. Yet all relationships that are meant to flourish in a healthy way, must stress understanding just as much, if not more, than love.”

Final Words

In closing, it is the incredibly deep and emotional bond of empathy (and to a lesser extent, understanding) that is considered more “important” that love in both intimate and parenting relationships – at least according to Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein.

While many of us may disagree with Bernstein, one thing is clear: our ability to empathize (understand) carries potentially severe implications for our relationships. We’d be the wiser – and our relationships, much healthier and fulfilling – by actively practicing empathy. How do we do this?

To help you answer this question for yourself, we leave you with a fitting quote from the late Dr. Steven Covey: “First seek to understand, then to be understood.”

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