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6 Ways To Release Attachments to Friendships That Hold You Back

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Toxic friendships can be like someone putting weight around your ankles and asking you to go for a swim in the pool…

Friendships aren’t always the best thing for our lives. There are times where we may get trapped in friendships that are unhealthy or toxic the same way we may get trapped in a toxic relationship. Ending a friendship isn’t something that anyone wants to do, and knowing when it’s time to end a friendship can give everyone a sense of freedom and peace back in their lives.

“There’s an old myth that frogs will pull down other frogs trying to escape a pot of boiling water. That’s likely the stuff of folklore, but the dynamic is real: In everyone’s life, there will always be people who will resist, threaten and sabotage the possibility of self-improvement,” says relationship development expert AJ Harbinger.

But how do you know if your friendship is toxic or just plain annoying?

According to Nicole Martinez, Psy.D. LCPC, toxic people “may have a number of motives. Some of them think that you will no longer want them in your life if you are to grow and get healthier as a person.”

Friendships that hold us back don’t do anything for either person, and learning to let go will move us forward. Here are some ways to let go and end a friendship that is holding you back from being your very best self.

Here Are 6 Ways To Release Attachments To Toxic Friendships

toxic frienships

1. Find a support system

If it’s time to end a friendship, you need to ensure you have a support system of other friends who can help you. Ending a friendship when you don’t have positive relationships in your life can often leave you feeling alone and depressed.

Lifestyle expert Kris Carr says, “Seek guidance from a coach, therapist or a really grounded friend — the kind that loves you unconditionally and isn’t afraid to (metaphorically) slap you back to reality.”

It’s important to keep a support network of good, positive friendships around you when it’s time to end a friendship that’s holding you back. It will help you heal and move on, and make sure you don’t let yourself fall back into the toxic friendship.

2. Don’t ghost them

It may be tempting to just stop talking to the friend you need to let go of altogether, but imagine how you would feel if that happened to you. Putting good energy in the world is always more effective than putting out negativity energies. Not only will it cause unnecessary hurt, but it can also cause drama. Instead, make sure you make it clear that the friendship has stopped being good and positive, and that you think it’s best if you go your separate ways – or, if the friendship is already on its last leg, let it end naturally.

3. Stand your ground

Sometimes, people won’t understand that ending a friendship is just as serious as ending a relationship. Your former friend may try to continue on as things were. However, if you know the friendship is holding you back and isn’t good for you, you need to stand your ground.

To help you stand your ground ,Wiki How states that “making a script ahead of time, and practicing, can help you stay calm and on track when confronting a toxic person. Write down all your thoughts first. Try to pull out the most important thoughts and form a few clear sentences explaining why you’re ending the relationship.”

Don’t let them guilt you into being friends again – a friendship built on guilt can only crumble again. If they want to apologize, let them speak their piece but don’t allow it to change your mind.

4. Explain how you feel

What is it about the friendship that isn’t working? Why is it so toxic? What makes you feel as if the friendship is holding you back? Explaining how you feel is much better than just telling this person you no longer want to be friends. Not only is it good for you to express your emotions, but it’s good to be honest without being cruel. It should be your last act as this person’s friend to be honest with them about your feelings and why the friendship isn’t working.

5. Talk in public

Instead of doing something like this in a private setting where you’re more likely to be manipulated by an emotional scene, take it to a public setting. “It’s not unheard of for toxic people to get belligerent or even violent. Talking to them publicly can significantly diminish the chances of this happening,” adds Harbinger.

Go out for lunch or something of the sort, sit down, and have a real, honest talk. When you’re in public, someone is much less likely to be able to cause a scene or manipulate and guilt you into staying friends with them. Other people will often keep them in check and allow you to leave when you feel it’s time to do so.

6. Leave

Leave, and don’t let yourself look back on the friendship. When it’s over, it’s over. Of course, you’re always going to have the memories of your times together, even the times where you thought the relationship was healthy. But, the fact of the matter is, letting yourself move forward instead of looking back and continuing to speak to the former friend off and on is the only way you’re going to be healed. Letting yourself “look back” in the form of checking up on your friend is only going to hurt both them and you.

friendships

Final Thoughts on Releasing Toxic Friendships

Letting go of a friendship isn’t fun, but it will allow you to move forward with your life. Toxic friendships should be taken as seriously as any other toxic relationship. When the friendship is over, you will be able to foster more positive relationships that will let you heal.

“Under the influence of a toxic person, you might second guess yourself on an important decision. You might even take on some of the same toxic qualities you resent in others — something that happens to the best of us — because toxic people have a peculiar way of making you toxic yourself,” adds Harbinger.

Don’t be afraid to end a relationship that is no longer working for you, because on the other side are more friendships that will make your life more fulfilling.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
https://theartofcharm.com/empowerment/cut-toxic-people-life/
https://www.bustle.com/articles/159131-11-tips-for-letting-go-of-a-toxic-friendship-even-if-it-seems-impossible
https://www.wikihow.com/End-a-Toxic-Friendship

Child Therapist Explains 6 Ways to Make Kids Talk to You More

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Do you struggle to get your kids to talk? Do you feel a bit of frustration – even hopelessness – when trying to connect with them? Well, read on my friend!

Some kids are all too happy to jibber-jabber about anything and everything. Some kids don’t like to talk too much; instead preferring to keep to themselves. Children have different personalities, after all, which is something to behold – especially when you’re relishing in how your little one is “just like me.”

However, we need to know what’s going on in our kids’ lives. We want to know that they’re doing and feeling okay, and have the necessary information to help them if things are not.

Here are some tips that a child therapist gives to get your kids to open up:

Hold your tongue

Some parents fall into the wrong habit of lecturing when they need to listen. Make no mistake; sometimes we need to give our kids a good talking-to.

But if we’re always rushing in to give our two cents, they aren’t going to feel as if they are “part” of the conversation. They’ll shut down, in part, because it’s what they think you want them to do.

Silence is more uncomfortable for adults than it is for kids. Keep this in mind the next time you ask them a question only to blurt out the answer five seconds later. Approach the conversation with patience, as painful as that may be.

Forgo the advice

Here again, kids sometimes need a good dose of advice, like when they act up or get into trouble. But, many times, a child just wants an attentive ear – something that, as a parent, you should be eager to give.

Understanding that your advice is only useful when it is wanted is a good first step. Also, don’t feel slighted or unappreciated if your kid doesn’t “want to hear it.”

Sit with them with their feelings. Sympathize with how the situation must have made him or her feel. You may find that they’re much more willing to involve you in the conversation as a result.

mom is best friend for life

Connect with them every day

Make sure that you make time to connect with each of your kids every single day, even if just for a short amount of time. Relatedly, child therapists recommend spending time alone with each kid individually, as they feel safer and more willing to open up.

Connecting with your kids may be made easier by making it a habit. It’s also easier to start connecting with your kids while they’re young. For example, maybe you make it a habit of snuggling with your young daughter after school, or sharing a cup of tea with your teenager during the evening. All of these are perfect times for gaining insight into what’s going on in their world.

Set a “date night”

Let’s not kid ourselves: staying home can be extremely boring for kids. And when kids are bored, they’re much less likely to want to discuss anything voluntarily.

But if you make it a habit to, say, take them out to dinner or the mall once a week – even if it’s just to walk and talk – you build on the relationship. When your kid is having a bit of fun, they’ll often open up naturally.

Cultivate an understanding

Do you invite a positive response from your kids most of the time? If not, you may want to consider a few things. First, kids have a lot going on in their young minds: tests, extracurriculars, social life, study time, and so on. Teenage years are often the hardest, as you also have to contend with a new arrival onto the scene: hormones.

You have every right to a relationship with your child. You provide and care for them, and it’s important for children to understand and respect this. But, you’re more likely to find an avenue to communication if you approach them with a “friend like,” understanding demeanor.

Remain available

Here’s the thing: kids – for the most part – will talk when they’re darned good and ready. If you try to force conversation at an inopportune time, the child will become tight-fisted (or less than honest) about sharing anything!

While the younger ones may talk with little to no hesitancy (and with little “prompting”), older kids propensity to talk (or not) depends on your overall relationship. If you share a close relationship, you needn’t worry. If there’s some friction – which happens to with every parent and child relationship – take some time to mend things.

But always remain available and never waste an opportunity to interact – especially when it’s just you and them. Remember: they need you as much as you need them.

https://youtu.be/Q_U6VY7lNbI

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/communication/foolproof-strategies-talk
https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/get-your-kids-to-talk/

Science Explains How Smartphone Addiction Makes People Rude and Depressed

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The smartphone has permeated society and become so ingrained in our culture that we really don’t give it a second thought anymore. Most of us wake up, immediately check our notifications, and bring our smartphone with us wherever we go, which ties us to it like a dog to a leash.

“The difference between technology and slavery is that slaves are fully aware that they are not free.” – Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Constantly checking our phones comes with a slew of health and psychological problems from staring at a tiny little device. It’s hard to fathom how a whole society can succumb to such an unhealthy addiction. Still, it also comes as no surprise seeing how we’ve become addicted to many other toxic habits and behaviors.

Below, we’ll go over the harmful effects of smartphones, and some solutions to this ever-growing problem.

Science Explains How Smartphone Addiction Creates Rude And Depressed People

Health Problems Associated With Smartphones

First off, we’ll talk about how smartphones make us physically unhealthy. Think about how often you stare at your phone and what position you place your head and neck in to do this. Your head weighs between 10 and 12 pounds, and bending it down for hours a day to look at your smartphone can put up to 60 pounds of pressure on your head and neck. Holding this position for so long can lead to loss of curvature of the spine, which can cause something called “text neck,” affecting many people each year.

Not to mention, this posture can even cause mood, behavior, and memory problems. According to the National Center for Biotechnology Information, poor posture can make us depressed, and lethargic, and even affect the oxygen our lungs can take in.

Furthermore, using our cell phones for so much of the day can affect our circadian rhythm, making it difficult to fall asleep at night. Many people even wake up in the middle of the night just to check their smartphones!

Also, smartphones require us to stare at one thing for an extended period of time, which spells disaster for the health of our eyes. “Tired eyes” are becoming an epidemic, because we were never meant to stare at one object for such a long duration.

smartphone addiction

How Smartphones Affect Our Moods

Despite how antisocial and disengaged our environment, 75 percent of Americans don’t think their smartphone usage affects their ability to pay attention in a group setting, according to the Pew Research Center. Indeed, a third of Americans believe that using their phone socially benefits conversation.

We’re in complete denial of just how deeply addicted we’ve become to our devices and how this addiction affects us and those around us.

Smartphones effectively remove us from our reality, and if we have children, this can create long-term problems because they like to emulate our behavior. They’ll do the same if they see us with our heads down and immersed in our tech. This can severely stunt their development and create antisocial behavior, not to mention they will have to fight for your attention, which can make them feel unimportant and neglected.

Sadly, many parents even hand their kids their phones or iPad to keep them occupied or to calm them down during a tantrum. However, this doesn’t teach them any valuable skills and can result in a loss of nonverbal cues, which further stunts their emotional and mental growth.

If you look around you, you’ll see that the smartphone craze affects people of all ages. In fact, in 2015, the Pew Research Center reported that 24 percent of teenagers spend time online “almost constantly.” According to a Nielsen Total Audience Report from last year, most adults spend 10+ hours a day on electronic devices.

So, how exactly does our smartphone addiction affect our moods and ability to engage in our environment?

“Mobile devices are the mother of inattentional blindness,” said Henry Alford, the author of “Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That: A Modern Guide to Manners.” “That’s the state of monomaniacal obliviousness that overcomes you when you’re absorbed in an activity to the exclusion of everything else.”

A Study That Confirms the Impact of Smartphone use on Society

In a study published in Psychology of Popular Media Culture, researchers found that 70 percent of women said smartphones interfered with their relationships. So, our ability to engage with our environment decreases drastically with the use of our phones, and this can put a real wedge between you and your partner, friends, coworkers, family members, or anyone else important to you.

According to a study by the University of Essex in the United Kingdom, participants felt negative feelings toward the person they were conversing with when a cell phone was visible. Researchers asked 34 pairs of strangers to discuss both minor topics and important personal events that occurred in their lives. Half of the participants had a mobile device present. However, the other half had a notebook out on the table.

The results showed that the people who discussed serious events in their lives with a notebook visible felt trusting and close to the stranger, unlike those who had a cell phone present.

This proves that cell phones can interfere with relationships, especially if people are having a heart-to-heart conversation. Not to mention, using cell phones excessively can promote antisocial behavior and cause people to lose valuable social skills.

Researchers at the University of Michigan have found that empathy levels have decreased dramatically while narcissism has gone through the roof. Our emotional and physical well-being continue to go down the tubes while we allow smartphones to influence our lives and society.

We haven’t even gotten to the stress levels that constantly checking our cell phones produces within the body. A study performed at the University of Gothenburg in Sweden found that women who used their phones excessively were prone to sleep disturbances and stress. Conversely, high mobile use in men was linked to depression and sleep interruptions.

So, in conclusion, smartphones make us depressed, anxious, stressed, unhealthy, moody, antisocial, narcissistic, and uncaring toward others. How can we continue to operate in society knowing this information?

The Solutions To Our Smartphone Addiction

Well, smartphones seem to have become such a staple in our culture that we can’t get rid of them anytime soon. How can we still have them while maintaining our mental, physical, and emotional health? We have a few suggestions.

1. Limit your time on your phone.

We know; easier said than done. However, try to reduce your smartphone to 30 minutes daily. After you’ve mastered that, cut down another 15 minutes, and then another 15. Take baby steps so that you don’t get overwhelmed too quickly.

2. Change how you use your smartphone.

Sure, you could spend all day on your phone if you wanted to, with the number of apps and entertainment readily available. However, this is a big part of the problem. We use our phones not just to call and text people anymore. We use them to escape, as a crutch, or as a substitute for talking to real human beings around us.

This is not healthy behavior, so if you recognize this in yourself, it’s important to accept this first of all. Once you identify the behavior, you can work on changing it. Use your phone only to talk to family and friends, severely limiting your time doing anything else. Phones were never meant to substitute for living in the real world.

3. Have hobbies and other interests.

It’s also important to use your time doing things you truly enjoy. While sitting on a smartphone all day is certainly easy, is it truly fulfilling? Most people would probably say “not at all.”

Try to find things to do that engage you with others. That’s because human interaction is absolutely necessary for good mental health.

Final thoughts

It’s easy to turn a blind eye to the problem that smartphones create for society, but that will just amplify the problem. We all need to strive to put down our technology more. Instead, make an effort to engage with our fellow human beings. Smartphones create walls between us, making us rude and more fearful and distrusting of our neighbors while talking with them helps us realize that we’re all more connected than we think.

Sources:
https://realspinesurgery.com/text-neck/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25222091
HTTPS://WWW.NPR.ORG/SECTIONS/HEALTH-SHOTS/2014/12/03/368213774/DON-T-LET-TECHNOFERENCE-RUIN-YOUR-LOVE-LIFE
http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/04/09/teens-social-media-technology-2015/
http://www.nielsen.com/us/en/insights/reports/2017/the-nielsen-total-audience-report-q1-2017.html
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21281471
http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407512453827

5 Pains In Your Body To Never Ignore

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“He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything.” – Thomas Carlyle

When our bodies are in pain, that means that they are trying to tell us something. “You know your body best… When you see or feel something different or just feel ‘off,’ pay attention; don’t dismiss it,” says deputy chief medical officer, Len Lichtenfeld, M.D. Usually, pain can be explained away. Maybe you’re dehydrated and you have a headache, so you drink some water to make you feel better. Or, your muscles are sore because you’ve been working out at the gym. These are 5 pains that have easy explanations and can be fixed at home.

However, there are some categories of pain that take place in parts of your body that you don’t want to ignore. Here are some of the places to never ignore pain that you can’t explain away.

Here Are 5 Pains In Your Body You Shouldn’t Ignore

1. Abdominal pain

Pain that focuses in the abdomen isn’t something that should be ignored. There are many different explanations for abdominal pain, and it could be something quite serious. For example, pain in the abdomen could be caused by gallstones, pancreatitis, or an ectopic pregnancy.

“The gut… is significantly linked to overall health and disease. However, many people put up with discomfort because they believe such pains are common,” says consultant gastroenterologist, Dr. Reshma Rakshit.

If you ever feel pain in your abdomen that is severe, abnormal, and has no immediate cause, you will want to consult your doctor right away. Getting abdominal pain checked out as soon as possible will keep you safe from any dangerous illnesses that you can’t see inside your body.

2. Headaches

Everyone gets headaches. Usually, all you have to do is pop some aspirin and drink some water. However, severe headaches can be caused by something far more serious. If your headaches are debilitating, or cause you to have flashes of light in front of your eyes, you may be dealing with migraines. Severe headaches can also be caused by a bleeding stroke. However, a “bleeding stroke” headache will come on quickly and become incredibly intense within just a few seconds.

“If you have a cold, it could be a sinus headache… But you could have a brain hemorrhage or brain tumor. With any pain, unless you’re sure of what caused it, get it checked out,” says spokeswoman for the American College of Physicians, Sandra Fryhofer, MD. Therefore, if your headache is abnormal and severe, see a doctor as soon as you can to avoid any serious issues.

3. Leg pain

Pain that originates in the legs and calves could be from working out if you have a regular gym routine. However, if you’re not the type to hit the gym, you want to be careful of sudden or severe pain in your legs and calves. Leg pain is one of the most common types of pains for blood clotting. This type of pain will be much different than a regular leg cramp, and you’ll be able to feel it deep down in your leg.

“The danger is that a piece of the clot could break loose and cause pulmonary embolism [a clot in the lungs], which could be fatal,” adds Fryhofer. If you don’t have an explanation for why your leg is suddenly hurting, make sure you get to a doctor as soon as possible so that they can rule out a blood clot in your leg.

4. Upper back painhealth-happiness

Pain in the upper back can be caused by any number of things, from overworking your muscles to lifting something that’s a little too heavy. However, it’s not a pain that you want to brush off if it’s severe and comes on quickly. “In rare cases, pain may be caused by other problems, such as gallbladder disease, cancer, or an infection,” states WebMD.

Upper back pain can also be caused by muscle spasms, pressure on the spinal cord caused by herniated disks, and even tears in your aorta that can cause blood flow to go to the wrong place. If you’re experiencing severe pain in the upper back, make sure you go to a doctor right away and make sure it isn’t something serious.

5. Tooth pain

Most people have experienced dental pain in some form of another. Either you’ve gotten a cavity, or those pesky wisdom teeth have decided to start coming in at the worst possible time. However, dental pain can also be very serious, and it isn’t something that you want to ignore. If you’ve still got your wisdom teeth and you have severe and very painful dental pain, you could possibly have an impacted wisdom tooth.

Another explanation for dental pain is a tooth abscess, which will also cause swelling throughout your jaw and throat. These two things can be extremely painful, so make sure you go to the dentist any time you have severe and abnormal tooth pain.

Emergency room physician Leigh Vinocur says, “You notice your neck is getting swollen, the skin looks red, your voice sounds funny, you’re drooling because you can’t swallow your own saliva, it can actually track down to your airway and cause airway obstruction. Don’t let a tooth ache get that bad.”

Final thoughts

We put our bodies through a lot during our daily lives, and having some aches and pains are normal, especially as we age. However, it’s always important to know what type of pain is normal and what type of pain isn’t. There are bound to be times where you feel pain and are able to explain why you ache – however, when you feel abnormal or severe pain, don’t hesitate to go to the doctor and figure out exactly what it is. It’s much more important to be cautious and proactive, especially when it comes to the pain in our bodies!

 

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
https://www.aarp.org/health/conditions-treatments/info-12-2012/symptoms-you-should-never-ignore.html
https://www.webmd.com/women/features/serious-pains#1
https://www.express.co.uk/life-style/health/640335/stomach-pains-health-issues-what-your-stomach-is-telling-you-bloating-cramps-diarrhoea
https://www.webmd.com/back-pain/tc/upper-and-middle-back-pain-overview#1
https://www.today.com/health/5-potentially-deadly-body-pains-you-should-never-ignore-t6926

Behavior Experts Explain How Humblebragging Pushes People Away (And How to Avoid It)

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‘ Humblebragging ‘: Make an ostensibly modest or self-deprecating statement with the actual intention of drawing attention to something of which one is proud.’ ~ Oxford English Dictionary

Most people respect those who are real. We don’t like (or tolerate) fakers, which is a good thing. Humblebragging is, as the word itself implies, the act of masking egotism with humility. It’s an act of fakery, and it makes us dislike the person.

Apparently, humblebragging is also common. Here’s what Ovul Sezer, an assistant professor of organizational behavior at the University of North Carolina (UNC), has to say:

“It’s such a common phenomenon. All of us know some people in our lives, whether in social media or in the workplace, who do this annoying thing,” Sezer adds, “You think, as the humblebragger, that it’s the best of both worlds, but what we show is that sincerity is actually the key ingredient.”

Science Explains How Humblebragging Pushes People Away (And How to Stop)

Humblebragging Study

Sezer and her colleagues at UNC conducted several experiments, all of which were designed to (a) see how common humblebragging is, and (b) how other people perceive it.

Out of the nearly 650 people surveyed, 70% were able to remember a recent humblebrag. 70 percent!

Sezer and her team also discovered two main types of humblebraggers: the complaint humblebragger, and the humility humblebragger. Complaint humblebraggers often use a complaint to disguise their vanity, e.g., “Gosh, I don’t think this $200 dress looks all that great!”

Of course, they anticipate some type of flattering feedback (“Oh, no, you look gorgeous in that dress!”)

Moving onto the second variation: the humility humblebragger. These folks convey a sense of false modesty to brag about themselves, often in the form of an open-ended question. “Why does the boss always call me when something important needs to be done?”

(What are we supposed to say? “I don’t know. I guess you’re the smartest, most talented super-achiever in here!”)

On a more serious note, such behavior not only reeks of insecurity, but it is also exceptionally annoying. Unsurprisingly, people don’t respond very well to humblebragging.

humblebragging

In fact, most people prefer the old-fashioned I’m-the-best-type bragging over humblebrags. Why? Because old-fashioned braggadocio is at least genuine, and they’re not trying to deceive anyone.

In other words, sincerity matters a whole lot. Dr. Sezer adds “Sincerity is a very important (personality) dimension and we value this character trait.”

Humblebrags In The Workplace

Predictably, many humblebraggers ratchet up their “covert” self-promotion at work. Around 33 percent of the study’s participants noted that they heard humblebrags in the workplace.

Pop quiz time: If humblebragging is common in the workplace, where else in a professional environment would someone do it? (Hint: it happens before they’re hired.) Got your answer?…

If you said “the job interview,” you are correct! (*Virtual Fistbump*)

Yeah, humblebragging happens a lot during interviews, apparently. Dr. Sezer cites one particular (overused, cliché) interview question that’s a fave of humblebraggers: “What’s your biggest weakness?”

How do you think a humblebragger would answer this question? Let us count the ways.

– “I don’t like breaks because I’m such a hard worker.”
– “I may take too many things on at one time.”
– “I’m not good at work-life balance…because I’m all for work!”
– “I’m a perfectionist. I don’t tolerate mistakes from myself.”

Interviewer reply (in a perfect world): “Ugh…really? That’s your most glaring weakness? Sure it isn’t. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

Ethical Self-promotion

To be fair, the workplace is often a competitive environment. People like to have their achievements and hard work recognized, which is often key to a better salary, a promotion, or something else. But there are more effective methods of self-promotion than humblebragging, which is no different than outright deception.

In an unfair world, sometimes a bit of self-promotion is necessary; not only in the workplace but in everyday life. Fortunately, there are effective and ethical ways of going about it.

Here are a couple of ideas, according to Dr. Sezer:

– Have a work friend or associate talk about your accomplishments.
– Speak up about your achievements if there is something at stake.

Final Thoughts

“Sincerity is a very important dimension and we value this character trait,” Sezer explains. “We want to see genuine people and real people. Humblebragging comes off as fake.”

As a whole, bragging is distasteful behavior. There is honor and reverence in being a “quiet professional” that our society – especially the business environment – would be better off for embracing.

From the sober lens of realism, however, self-promotion may open some doors in both personal and professional situations. On this note, there is nothing wrong with engaging in honest dialogue about your achievements, character, and any intangibles that you bring to the table.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
http://time.com/5095144/humblebrag-bragging/
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/humblebrag
https://www.cnbc.com/2018/01/12/scientists-reveal-why-humblebragging-could-cost-you-a-promotion.html

Researchers Explain How Chronic Stress Changes Your Brain

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Even as adults, our brains are elastic and vulnerable to change. All the things we do every day can have an effect on our brains – some good, some not so good. Stress can change our brains in a major way, even when we’re unaware of it. That is why making sure you know how to battle stress is so important.

“It has long been established that stress-related illnesses, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) trigger changes in brain structure, including differences in the volume of gray matter versus white matter, as well as the and size and connectivity of the amygdala,” says endurance athlete, coach and author, Christopher Bergland.

Chronic stress can have an effect on our physical bodies, as well as our brains. Researchers have an answer for what exactly goes on in our brains when they’re subjected to long-term, chronic stress.

Here Are 5 Ways How Chronic Stress Changes Your Brain

“There’s a lot of stress out there, and to handle it, you just need to believe in yourself; always go back to the person that you know you are, and don’t let anybody tell you any different, because everyone’s special and everyone’s awesome.” – McKayla Maroney

1. Affects the production of new brain cells

Our brains are constantly making new brain cells, just the same way that our brains are constantly losing them. When our brains are subjected to chronic stress, it halts the productions of those new brain cells. The things in our brains that cause new brain cells to grow can become disturbed by the effects of stress, which can make it difficult to create new brain cells. This can cause side effects like anxiety, depression and OCD symptoms.

“Cortisol creates a surplus of the neurotransmitter glutamate. Glutamate creates free radicals — unattached oxygen molecules — that attack brain cells much in the same way that oxygen attacks metal, causing it to rust. Free radicals actually punch holes in the brain cell walls, causing them to rupture and die,” says author and teacher, Deane Alban.

2. Affects your memories and emotions

Having trouble with our memory is usually the first sign of stress-related issues. Chronic stress can do a number on your short-term memory. It can also make your emotions feel wacky. When you’re dealing with chronic stress, the signals in your brain that are used to help you remember things don’t fire as often. “Ultimately, these changes can affect cognitive function, including changes in learning, memory, and emotional well-being,” says Sundari Chetty, PhD.

3. Stress causes anxiety

Dealing with chronic and long-term stress can affect more than just your short-term emotions. When we are dealing with stress for long periods of time without de-stressing ourselves, the stress can build up in our amygdala, which is the part of the brain that processes fear.

“Substantial alterations in myelination have been noted in a number of neurological conditions and could potentially contribute to mental disorders such as anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder,” adds Chetty.

When dealing with chronic stress, our brains can often get stuck in a feedback loop for fear and anxiety, which in turn causes more stress, which in turn causes more fear and anxiety.

emotional addiction to stress

4. Chronic stress causes inflammation in your brain

The same way that stress on your muscles can cause inflammation in your limbs, stress can cause inflammation in your brain. There is an immune cell in our brain that helps fight off disease. When we encounter stress, our brains send off a signal to the immune system, which causes inflammation in the brain. Unfortunately, if there’s nothing there but stress, our brains stay inflamed until the immune system runs its course. Inflammation in the brain has been correlated to different issues, like anxiety, depression and OCD.

“Depression is a complex illness and we know that it takes more than one biological change to tip someone into an episode. But we now believe that inflammation in the brain is one of these changes and that’s an important step forward,” says Dr. Jeffrey Meyer.

5. Stress decreases your serotonin

Depression is often linked with chronic stress due to the fact that when our brain faces a lot of stress without any breaks, it often stops producing serotonin and dopamine. Serotonin and dopamine are otherwise known for making our brains happy. When we laugh, smile, see something we like, or have fun, all of these things cause a burst of dopamine and serotonin in our brains, which gives us the signal that “this is good!”.

Unfortunately, stress stops the production of those chemicals, which can cause depression, because our brains are no longer getting the chemicals that help make us happy; instead, they get an unlimited dose of cortisol.

“With chronic stress, cortisol doesn’t get switched off…  It’s responsible for weight gain, particularly increased abdominal fat, and it’s been implicated as the leading cause of osteoporosis, digestive problems, hormone imbalances, cancer, heart diseases and diabetes. Cortisol depletes serotonin and dopamine levels. It actually damages the receptor sites of these neurotransmitters,” adds Australian Spinal Research Foundation.

Stress can have all kinds of effects on your brain that can change the makeup of your precious gray matter. Fortunately, our brains are adaptable, and can be repaired when chronic stress starts to take hold. The best thing to do to fight stress is to know just how to relax and de-stress throughout the day so that your brain can stay happy and healthy. Here are some key ways that researchers have found helps de-stress our brains.

Here Are 3 Ways To De-Stress Our Brains

1. Eat antioxidant rich foods

Antioxidants are good for your brain, because they stop the death of brain cells that can be caused by chronic stress. Fruit and vegetables are a good example of foods that you’ll want to eat more of to get a lot of antioxidants. Green tea is also good for antioxidants, so if you’re normally a coffee drinker, you may want to switch to green tea to help protect your brain from stress. Speaking of coffee…

2. Cut down on caffeine

Caffeine is a stimulant, and your when you’re stressed out, the last thing that you need is something else that will amp you up. So, if you’ve got a problem with waking up in the morning and needing your two and a half cups of coffee to get going, you may want to try another method of getting ready for the day.

“Caffeine stimulates your nervous system, which means too much can lead to a rapid heartbeat and increase in blood pressure. It can also irritate your digestive system,” says registered dietician Cynthia Sass.

Cutting back of caffeine can really help reduce the amount of stress that you’re under and reduce stress-related brain issues. So, if you’re normally a coffee drinker, you might want to try…

3. Better sleeping habits

Are you a night owl? Or maybe your sleeping habits are all over the place? Stress can be caused by poor sleep habits, so if you’re denying your brain a solid eight hours of sleep, you may need to fix your sleeping patterns.

“Sleep deprivation elevates stress hormones and can have negative impacts on the brain, including the hippocampus,” adds Chetty.

Getting better sleep will help you brain recharge those brain cells and make you more capable of fighting off stress during the day. If you’re more able to handle stress, your brain will benefit big time.

References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201402/chronic-stress-can-damage-brain-structure-and-connectivity
https://bebrainfit.com/effects-chronic-stress-brain/
https://www.rd.com/health/wellness/effects-of-stress-brain/
https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-01/cfaa-nbe012615.php
https://spinalresearch.com.au/chronic-stress-effects-brain/
https://www.shape.com/blogs/weight-loss-coach/four-foods-can-cause-stress

Therapists Reveal 9 Things That Will Keep You From Having A Nervous Breakdown

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A nervous breakdown can happen to anyone and often comes on suddenly after intense stress periods. When life’s pressures become overwhelming, your mind and body begin to shut down to avoid further stress. Many people who have a breakdown cannot function normally and take time off work to recuperate. It may also affect other aspects of life, such as family activities, chores, or even general self-care.

When you have a nervous breakdown, it’s your brain’s warning that you need deep rest. You may have ignored some of the warning signs of an impending breakdown, just shrugging it off as everyday anxiety or depression.

However, if the stress keeps building, your mind will eventually sound the alarm bells and force you to slow down. Luckily, you can utilize a few techniques to stave off a nervous breakdown and manage symptoms before they become too severe.

Symptoms of a Nervous Breakdown

While nervous breakdowns aren’t an official medical diagnosis, they usually present with symptoms of anxiety, depression, or panic disorders. Common signs of a breakdown include:

nervous breakdown

  • feeling sad or hopeless
  • having low energy
  • loss of interest in activities
  • feeling helpless or worthless
  • restlessness
  • insomnia
  • panic attacks
  • dizziness
  • gastrointestinal issues such as pain, diarrhea, or constipation
  • stiff muscles
  • intrusive thoughts
  • agoraphobia
  • hallucinations
  • extreme paranoia
  • mood swings

Causes and Risk Factors for Nervous Breakdown

  • recent injury or illness that inhibits functioning in daily life
  • a recent traumatic event, such as an accident or death in the family
  • taking on too much responsibility at work or school
  • being a perfectionist or overachiever
  • a recent breakup or divorce
  • financial problems such as job loss, eviction, or home foreclosure
  • exposure to violence or abuse
  • discrimination
  • moving to a new, unfamiliar city
  • persistent insomnia
  • chronic medical conditions or untreated mental illness
  • working long hours
  • poor social support
  • family history of mental health conditions
  • lacking healthy coping skills to manage stress

Here Are 9 Things That Will Help You Avoid A Nervous Breakdown

Here are a few tips to help you achieve a peaceful mindset.

nervous breakdown

1. Reduce Your Workload to Avoid a Total Breakdown.

A nervous breakdown triggered by stress in the workplace is also known as burnout syndrome. Symptoms may include feeling detached from work, exhaustion, and lower performance at work. Sadly, burnout affects more workers than ever before, with almost 80% of US adult workers experiencing it in 2021. People who work in healthcare professions such as nursing or family medicine have the most significant risk of burnout syndrome.

Suppose you’re feeling overstressed at work, delegate tasks, and request time off periodically. Also, don’t hesitate to ask your boss for a reduced workload if that will help prevent a breakdown in the future. Many people work more than forty hours per week nowadays, but this doesn’t leave much time for self-care and mental health days in general. If possible, perhaps you could work part-time or think about switching careers to something less stressful.

2. Get Treatment For Any Underlying Mental Health Conditions.

Having untreated mental illnesses can easily trigger a nervous breakdown, as having a mental disorder increases vulnerability to stress. Attempting to manage a mental illness combined with the normal stresses of everyday life can lead to a breakdown eventually. Unfortunately, many people with a diagnosable mental health condition never seek treatment. However, most mental disorders have a high recovery rate with a combination of therapy, psychotropic medications, and lifestyle changes.

3. Practice Stress Management Techniques.

Chronic stress dramatically increases your risk of a nervous breakdown because it keeps your body in constant fight-or-flight mode. This response primes your body to respond to an immediate threat, but this survival mechanism can malfunction in modern life. We’re dealing with more stressors in today’s world than our ancestors did, and frankly, we haven’t evolved to manage them yet.

So, we must practice stress-relieving techniques such as deep breathing or meditation to avoid having breakdowns. Set aside at least 30 minutes each morning and evening to unwind, destress and allow the worries to fade from your mind. After a few weeks, you’ll feel lighter and more peaceful.

4. Focus Only on What You Can Control.

Sometimes, the mind is our worst enemy, worrying about so many different scenarios that may not ever happen. When your brain starts to get the best of you, take a few deep breaths and bring yourself back to the present. Remind yourself that you can only control yourself and how you react to circumstances, so let go of anything else. Managing the world isn’t your responsibility, so why stress about it? Just go with the flow and leave the rest up to the universe.

5. Allow Yourself to Feel Emotions Without Judgement.

Nervous breakdowns often occur because we bottle up our emotions to deal with when it’s more convenient. However, this can lead to disastrous consequences after a while if we don’t face the feelings head-on. You’re a complex human being, so don’t be so hard on yourself when life becomes overwhelming. After all, you’re doing the best you can with what you have and deserve self-compassion.

When life’s pressures make you question your self-worth and sanity, take a step back to get a better view. Observe your feelings without judgment, simply watching them like thought bubbles entering your mind. They won’t last forever, but they deserve your attention and validation.

6. Focus on the Positive Things in Your Life

Therapists encourage everyone to focus on the positives in times of stress. Remind yourself that you have a lovely home, a steady income, a partner who loves you, or good health – whatever pieces of your life are positive, take some time to focus on those and let that positive energy heal you.

7. Find Your Support System

Therapists and experts advise clients on the positive role a support system can play. Friends and family will always be there for you in times of stress and trouble. These are the people who will give you the strength to keep moving forward when life gets hard.

You will feel so much energy and joy when you allow yourself to lean on the people around you. Remember that they love you and want the best for you, and they’ll help you get to where you’re going.

8. Laugh to Avoid a Nervous Breakdown

The idea that “laughter is the best medicine” hasn’t persisted this long for no reason!

Find your friends, do something fun, and let yourself laugh. It will release endorphins that can naturally help lower your stress level and help you chill out and relax. When you feel close to a nervous breakdown, sometimes the best thing for you is a good dose of laughter.

9. Avoid a Breakdown by Confronting Pain Head-on

Life doesn’t come without pain. While we would all like to go through life without any hardships, pain is what allows us to change and become stronger people. When you learn to accept your pain, you’ll no longer find it an overwhelming part of your experience because it will help you grow stronger. Learning to overcome life’s most tremendous pain is a vital life skill that will help you grow as a person.

nervous breakdown

Final Thoughts on Preventing a Nervous Breakdown

When you have a nervous breakdown, you may feel that it’s a sign of weakness or inferiority. But, a study can happen to anyone due to many factors such as being overstressed, a lack of social support, or underlying mental illness. Please don’t judge yourself for feeling overwhelmed because modern life demands a lot from us. We’re all doing the best we can, including yourself.

The best course of action for preventing a breakdown in the first place involves self-care and love. Practice all the healing techniques you need to feel like you again, such as getting a massage, meditating, or even taking a weekend trip away from it all. We’re humans, not machines, so give yourself some grace from time to time.

Science Explains Why Women’s Brains Work Better Than Men’s

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Hold the phones. We’ve got a huge announcement: The male and female brains are different! Crazy, right? (Dripping with sarcasm.)

We all know that men and women are two unique creatures behaviorally, psychologically – and, yes, anatomically. These anatomical differences extend to the central apparatus behind all thoughts and emotions: our beautiful, uber-complex brain.

Our 3-pound tofu-like brain is what separates male and female behaviors, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Relatedly, studies show that – in some ways – the female brain outperforms that of males.

In this article, we will discuss the differences between the male and female brains, and how the woman brain outperforms that of man.

Please bear in mind that these observations are highly controversial. (As most things related to gender-based differences – cognitive or otherwise.)

Ready?

First, let’s talk about what is – to date – the largest brain-imaging study in history.

“New technologies have generated a growing pile of evidence that there are inherent differences in how men’s and women’s brains are wired and how they work.” ~ Stanford University School of Medicine

THE UK BIOBANK STUDY

A team of researchers from the University of Edinburgh used magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scans of 2,750 women and 2,466 men; examining the volumes of 68 brain regions. Additionally, the research team measured the thickness of the cerebral cortex – the brain region responsible for consciousness, language, memory, and perception.

The team found that, on average, women tended to have significantly thicker cortices than men. In past studies, cortex thickness is positively correlated with higher scores on a variety of cognitive and general intelligence (GI) tests.

Interestingly, the researchers discovered that men have larger brain volumes in every subcortical region, including the amygdala (responsible for decision-making, emotions, and memory); the hippocampus (memory and spatial awareness); striatum (inhibition, learning, and reward-processing), and thalamus (information processing and neuronal synthesis).

brain exercise

WHERE WOMEN EXCEL

Diane Helpern, Ph.D., past president of the American Psychological Association (APA), says “…it seemed clear to me that many between-sex differences in thinking abilities were due to (mistakes) in research, and bias and prejudice … I changed my mind.”

Why did the former president of perhaps one of the world’s most prestigious institutions for psychological research change her mind? “There was too much data pointing to the biological basis of sex-based cognitive differences to ignore,” Helpern says.

So what sets women apart according to Dr. Helpern?

– Higher levels of verbal ability.
– Stronger reading comprehension and writing ability.
– More attuned fine-motor skills.
– More adept at retrieving information from long-term memory.
– Faster perceptual (sensual interpretation) speed.

Larry Cahill, Ph.D., professor of neurobiology at the University of California at Irvine, cites a 70-article issue published in the Journal of Neuroscience Research. In that article, neuroscientists state the following:

– Women have a larger hippocampus in proportion to total brain size. The hippocampus is known to play a role in learning and memory (particularly, long-term memory.)

– Women’s memories tend to be more vivid and emotional. (They can “go back in time,” so-to-speak, better than men.)

THE UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA STUDY

Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania took images of 521 female and 428 male youths. After examining the scans, the research team found that “females’ brains consistently showed more strongly coordinated activity between hemispheres…”

In other words, the female brain may be more “skillful” regarding how the left and right hemispheres of the brain communicate. Also known as hemispheric lateralization, this innate brain function may play a role in enhanced cognitive ability.

Similarly, scientists discovered that, on average, women have more blood flow to the brain.  Some studies show that an increase in cerebral blood flow (CBF) may affect cognition:

“Using brain imaging data from 46,034 men and women, (researchers) found that women’s brains were significantly more active (with higher blood flow) in many more areas than men’s brains, especially in the prefrontal cortex, which is involved with focus and impulse control, and the emotional areas involved with mood and anxiety.”

Researchers posit that these differences in cerebral blood flow between men and women may help explain why women tend to “be stronger in empathy and intuition, as well as self-control,” while – on the minus side – “why they may be more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.”

brain multitasking

KEEPING YOUR BRAIN HEALTHY

While plenty of differences exist between the male and female brain, proactively caring for its health should be considered a priority.

With that in mind, here are some top tips, according to experts, for keeping our most valuable asset healthy:

– Get mental stimulation: “…scientists have found that brainy activities stimulate new connections between nerve cells and may even help the brain generate new cells.”

– Get moving: “Exercise also spurs the development of new nerve cells and increases the connections between brain cells (synapses).”

– Eat right: “Good nutrition can help your mind as well as your body … fruits, vegetables, fish, nuts, unsaturated oils and plant sources of protein.”

– Improve your blood pressure: “Use lifestyle modification to keep your pressure as low as possible.”

– Mind your emotions: “People who are anxious, depressed, sleep-deprived, or exhausted tend to score poorly on cognitive function tests…good mental health and restful sleep are certainly important goals.”

RESOURCES:
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-08-left-brain-patterns-cortical-interaction.html
https://stanmed.stanford.edu/2017spring/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different.html
https://womenshealth.com/how-womens-brains-really-are-superior/
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/12-ways-to-keep-your-brain-young
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28155036

Harvard Psychologist Reveals: People Who Meet You Decide These Two Things In Seconds

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“If someone you’re trying to influence doesn’t trust you, you’re not going to get very far; in fact, you might even elicit suspicion because you come across as manipulative. A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after you’ve established trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat.” ~ Amy Cuddy, Harvard social psychologist

“Thin Slicing”

That’s the term psychologists give to the human tendency to decide upward of 13 things about someone… within mere seconds of meeting them.

For better or worse, people make judgments about things like your conscientiousness, intelligence, and status within moments. Relatedly, experts say it takes roughly three seconds for someone to determine whether or not they like you.

Harvard professors and psychologists Amy Cuddy, Susan Fiske, and Peter Glick have been studying the science of first impressions for nearly two decades, during which time they’ve continually uncovered, researched, and analyzed human displays of behavior within these ‘first impression‘ moments.

The two crucial things people decide

In her book, “Presence,” Cuddy explains that people answer two vital questions shortly upon first meeting you:

1. Can I respect this person?

2. Can I trust this person?

Psychologists categorize these questions into the dimensions competence and warmth, respectively. In situations that are high stakes, say, a business negotiation or an interview, it is ideal to be seen as both.

The good news is that once you’ve earned respect, you generally earn trust as well; the same goes for earning trust and, subsequently, respect. But this wasn’t, and isn’t, always the case.

Two different worlds

In her book “Presence,” Cuddy uses the following two examples: the business environment and human evolution. In the former world, the competence one ‘exhibits’ by ‘earning’ respect is seen as more valuable than trust and warmth.

This makes sense from the perspective of a stakeholder. If you’re an employee or investor, for example, you want to know that the day-to-day operations are overseen by people with the aptitude and knowledge to get the job done. Their trust? Meh. Not so important at the time.

(History hasn’t been too kind to this viewpoint. See: The Great Recession, Savings and Loan Scandals, Bernie Madoff, Bear Stearns…)

Contrast the business world with early evolution – an even more “dog-eat-dog” environment than commerce. Our distant ancestors’ ability to determine the trustworthiness of individuals within their tribe or village was paramount to survival.

Cuddy agrees. “From an evolutionary perspective, it is more crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust.”

what people decide about you honesty first impression

It makes sense. Put yourself in the position of a village or tribal leader in the early days of man. Some chucklehead just ran off with a week’s supply of food, and people are going to get hungry. Now, you not only need to forage for more food, but you also need someone else to pick up the slack of the thief who bolted.

You stumble across some burly dude assembling a nice hut; he has built a warm fire with a rabbit roasting on a spit. Not only will this guy join your village, but he’ll also start hunting right away. Jackpot? Not so fast.

Remember, someone dictates our trustworthiness and respect factor within seconds of meeting us. In this hypothetical scenario, what if the talented loner hasn’t established trust? More likely than not, you’ll walk away from the burly hunter. The paradigm has shifted.

Trust, then respect

In the grand scheme of things, trust matters more than respect. The warmth and camaraderie, or lack thereof, is the most critical factor in how people evaluate you.

Let’s consider the implications of this. Once again, the trust (therefore, the warmth), or lack thereof, is the most critical factor in how people evaluate you.

This quick evaluation affects your:

– personal and professional relationships
– work (present and future)
– influence
– promotability
– earning potential
– intimacy
– self-respect
– and others…

Making a good first impression

Now that you understand the various ways in which your perceived trustworthiness can impact your life, let’s talk about how you can make a good first impression!

– Get some sleep!

Research shows that facial cues reflecting the loss of sleep or exhaustion correlate with observer-held beliefs of lower intelligence.

– Smile (naturally)

A pleasant smile enhances a person’s attractiveness. People who smile often are seen as approachable, trustworthy, and open to conversation. A Joker-like grin, however, appears forced and naïve.

– Relax!

If you’re acting naturally (with maybe a bit of emphasis for high-stake situations), you have no reason to be anxious or tense. Relaxation is critical for the next tip, as well.

– Be yourself!

The confidence to be yourself is not only freeing; it shows authenticity. Authenticity is a close cousin of trustworthiness. Someone is more likely to extend trust and respect if you be the things that make you an individual; something that is applicable even if the other person doesn’t particularly “like” your personality!

Sources:
http://www.businessinsider.com/harvard-psychologist-amy-cuddy-how-people-judge-you-2016-1
http://www.businessinsider.com/science-of-first-impressions-2015-11/#if-youre-trustworthy-1
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/media-spotlight/201605/the-science-making-better-first-impression
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