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4 Effective Ways To Break The Cycle of Violence

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The cycle of violence, power, and control in domestic abuse is tough to break out of. The way that a toxic relationship with a partner or family member is structured can quickly trap you inside of it.

Are you trapped in an abusive situation? Then know that you’re not alone and that you deserve better. And, more importantly, know that you can get out. Here are four practical ways to break the cycle of violence, power, and control.

1.    Beware The Honeymoon Phase in the Cycle of Violence

Each cycle of violence in domestic abuse has four similar stages. These phases, which have been the subject of much research over the years, make the violent relationship somewhat predictable. If you’re trying to break free from the cycle, you need to make sure you’re aware of each stage and what trappings to avoid. These phases are:

·         Stage One: Building Tension

During this time, the stressors of life get to the abuser. These stressors can come from anywhere and everywhere, from work problems to fatigue and from adverse life events to illness. Regardless, an abuser doesn’t know how to manage or process this stress in a healthy way. This causes them to become increasingly aggressive and irritable, even hinging into paranoia, as they bottle up their feelings or lash out. In this stage, you might begin to feel uncomfortable and worried, feeling guarded. This mindset can cause you to do everything possible to appease the abusive individual, catering to even their most unreasonable demands.
cycle of violence·

Stage Two: Incident

This event is the incident of abuse. All the tension, as mentioned earlier, rushes out and erupts in domestic violence. This can take many forms, from physical aggression to emotional manipulation. The point is that the actions of an abuser in this situation will be harmful. They’ll mistreat you, and you may even feel that you’re to blame for what happens.

·         Stage Three: Reconciliation

The incident eventually ends, and a honeymoon phase begins. The abuser, attempting to make up for their actions or cover up their behavior, will suddenly behave with extreme affection. You’ll receive gifts, compliments, and gentle, kind treatment. This results in a rush of positive hormones that get released, making you feel happy and hopeful for the relationship’s improvement.

·         Stage Four: Calm

As the honeymoon phase of reconciliation slowly ends, an abuser will continue to refuse to acknowledge their behavior. They’ll deny what happened or refuse to talk about it. If they apologize, they will do so only to keep the peace and not do so genuinely. They may minimize their behavior, make several excuses, transfer responsibility to you, or imply that you’re sensitive. They can be very good at sounding sincere at this moment, even making you question what happened. You may doubt yourself and the abuse. This calm will stay for a while until tensions rise again.

The most dangerous of these phases is the reconciliation stage or the honeymoon phase. Many people are coaxed into forgiveness because of the insidious love-bombing that happens here. You will suddenly receive so much love and affection, especially of a kind that you haven’t had much of previously. It’ll make you feel amazing and loved – but you have to remember that it’s part of the cycle of violence you need to break.

Don’t fall for niceness or kind treatment after receiving abuse, especially if it’s part of this recurring cycle. The abuser is trying to keep you quiet and make you stay. And don’t believe in any gaslighting, minimizing, or rationalizing of the abuse. That includes the rationalizing that you might do in your mind to convince yourself that everything is okay.

2.    Start Planning To Leave the Cycle of Violence

The best way to stop the cycle of violence is to leave the violent relationship in question. But that’s not always easy, and many toxic relationships have dynamics inherently tricky to escape. You might be financially dependent on an abuser or be afraid for your life if you leave. You might have been isolated from your friends, therefore having nowhere to turn to.

But there are still some things you can do to plan to leave. Doing so will also help to give you hope that you can escape the cycle of violence and domestic abuse. Here are some steps to start planning:

·         Get Help

There are numerous centers dedicated to aiding survivors of domestic violence. Contacting them can garner you various services, such as counseling, job training, childcare, and financial aid, that may help you. Their assistance can be valuable in breaking the cycle of violence. When contacting them, try to avoid being tracked by the abuser. Use a work computer, browse in a private tab, and use payphones.

·         Arrange Shelter

When you leave, you’ll need somewhere to go. It’s essential to have somewhere to stay arranged. If not, you might end up having no choice but to go back. Try to save up to stay at a motel for a few nights while you seek more permanent options. You can also arrange to move in temporarily with friends, family, or other loved ones who you know are safe and will be on your side. You can also turn to social organizations, such as shelters for the abused or religious organizations.

·         Set Aside Money In A Secret Account

Is financial independence an issue for you? Set up a secret bank account using a post office box as a private address if you can. You can also opt to ensure your bank only sends bills and other information to a personal email address. This action can allow you to slowly but surely build up enough money to leave. The US Office on Women’s Health highly recommends this. If this is not possible, try to get a loan from a loved one.

The moment you feel it is safe to leave, do so. It’s a good idea to do this when your abuser won’t be around and won’t be able to stop you. Gather the essential documents, supplies, items, and contact numbers. This preparedness means you should have your wallet, keys, identification items, changes of clothes, and shelter numbers. Make sure you leave no indication of where you’ll be going.
cycle of violency

3.    Protect Yourself From Continuing The Cycle of Violence

One of the essential parts of breaking the cycle of violence is staying protected. Abusers can be unpredictable when they realize you’re trying to leave or have left. This makes them dangerous, and you have to keep yourself safe. Even abusers who aren’t physically aggressive can find ways to get you back into their lives with power and control. Here are some ways to stay protected:

·         Block The Abuser Everywhere

Allow absolutely no contact from your abuser. It takes only one crack for them to continue the cycle of violence. Block their number, social media, and email addresses. Set your social media accounts to private so your abuser can’t make a new account to stalk you. Screen unknown numbers so they go to voicemail. Block anything suspicious. If you don’t know how to block people on various social media or contact methods, Google can help you!

·         Change Passwords And Locks

If you remain at a personal home while breaking the cycle of violence, change all your locks. Please don’t allow your abuser to find their way in. It would help if you also changed the passwords on your social media and email accounts so your abuser can’t sneakily find out what you’re up to. Even if you think they don’t have your keys or password, do this anyway. There’s a good chance they would have duplicated a key or learned a password without your knowledge.

·         Consider Getting A Burner Phone

Most smartphones can be tracked using lost-phone-finding apps and features. Purchasing either a prepaid phone lets you make essential calls without being found or followed. If you don’t have a smartphone, you should still consider changing your phone number so your abuser can’t contact you.

·         Get A Court-Backed Legal Document

There are a few types of documents you can use to prevent an abuser from contacting you legally. This includes Personal Protection Orders and Restraining Orders. It’s a good idea to look up what will be involved in getting each one, so you don’t get overwhelmed by their requirements.

4.    After You Break The Cycle Of Violence, Take Time For Self-Care

To break the cycle of violence, you must break your cycles. A toxic relationship of any kind can ruin your self-esteem and confidence. You may even feel guilty every time you try to put yourself first.

But the strength you had before the relationship still lies within you. If you build on it, you’ll be able to recover stronger and wiser. Research shows that learning to live for yourself again is central to the healing process. Eventually, most survivors no longer consider themselves victims and can move on.

What’s also important about this is avoiding repeat incidents of the same cycle repeating itself. Many individuals who escape violent relationships could end up in a new cycle of violence due to poor attachment styles. It’s essential to take some time to work on yourself first after leaving an abusive situation. Here are some tips for building yourself up again with:

  • Spend time with those who love and support you and can build up your self-esteem.
  • Don’t ruminate for too long on the past; look forward to the future.
  • Make plans and goals for the future that keep you motivated.
  • Plan one thing to look forward to every single week, so you stay energized.
  • Take care of your physical body and health by sleeping enough, eating balanced meals, and exercising.
  • Buy yourself something nice that you’ve wanted for a while.
  • Prioritize self-care and perform daily acts of self-love.
  • Make time for hobbies and things you did before the relationship.
  • Dressing up for yourself in a way that you like.
  • Joining support groups for survivors of the cycle of violence.
  • Keep busy and stay distracted with positive and productive behaviors.

Don’t forget that you can also seek professional help through therapy. Domestic violence is traumatizing, and a professional can teach you some tools that will aid your recovery. They can also ensure you stay on track during your healing process.
cycle of violence

Final Thoughts On Some Effective Ways To Break The Cycle Of Violence, Power, And Control

The cycle of violence can often feel deadly and inescapable, but it isn’t. Understand the cycle of violence, plan to leave, protect yourself, and build yourself up again. Remember, you deserve better than to be trapped in a toxic and abusive environment, and you have the strength to break free. Things will get better, and you can take the first steps to plan your escape now. The path to safety and a better life is possible, and taking that first step can set the wheels of change in motion.

On the other hand, facing accusations of domestic violence brings its own set of challenges. Domestic violence charges and their penalties vary widely, ranging from a few months to several decades in prison, depending on the severity of the offense. This makes securing the right legal representation critical to ensuring a fair outcome.

A skilled criminal defence attorney, like those at https://www.defencelawyersvic.com.au/, can provide the expertise and support needed to navigate these complex cases. From understanding the nuances of the charges to building a strong defense, having a knowledgeable advocate by your side can significantly impact the outcome. Whether you are a victim seeking justice or someone facing allegations, the right legal guidance can make all the difference.

4 Things That Stop You From Healing After a Breakup

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Do you struggle with recovering after breakups? Are you the one who hurts the most and doesn’t know how to cope with the situation? Do you feel like you don’t know what to do with yourself after a breakup?

Breakups are hard, no matter the context. Whether you are initiating the split or receiving, you have to go through a healing process. Unfortunately, people have a hard time understanding how to deal with these situations healthily. And that’s understandable. A breakup takes such an emotional toll on people that it’s absurd to expect them to be entirely rational. Still, some things are clear hurdles in your healing process. So, what are the main mistakes made when addressing breakups, and how can you avoid them?

How Does A Healthy Breakup Look?

Dealing with a breakup looks different for everyone. It’s such a personal event that there’s no golden rule telling you how you should proceed. Some people heal quickly, some people recover in a few months, maybe more. Some people grow after a breakup, others not so much.

after a breakup
But most people experience five main stages after a breakup: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These feelings are normal, so don’t beat yourself up if you’re in disbelief immediately after the separation.

The main thing you want to do to get through those stages is to focus on yourself. After a long time with someone, you must readjust to being alone. Learn who you are without the person you were with. Everyone can have a healthy breakup if they work a little to get it. The important thing is how you look at the situation.

Any therapist will tell you that a breakup isn’t an ending, rather a new beginning. That sounds cheesy, but it’s true. When you break up with someone, you get opportunities to learn more about yourself and discover a new love. Just because you loved someone wholeheartedly doesn’t mean you can’t love again. On average, people have seven to eight severe relationships in their life. So, if you just broke up with your first partner, don’t despair. You will find someone else, and you can even thrive alone.

One way to get over a breakup is to get emotional support from the people closest to you. Talk about your feelings and let people be there for you. Take time for personal development. Take care of your mental and physical health. Try meditation, exercise, even counseling if that helps. But what are the common mistakes that hinder their healing?

Four Things That Stop You From Healing After a Breakup

Don’t let these roadblocks stand in your way.

1.    You Aren’t Establishing Boundaries

A vital part of dealing with a breakup is establishing your needs. Some people can go straight to being friends after a breakup. Others need to take some time away. For some, seeing the other person might never be an option again.

But most people don’t discuss healthy boundaries. So, while going through the process, they might try to reach out to the other person. This might be unhealthy for both of them. While you go through the denial and bargaining phases, you might try to convince the other person to take you back.

Not only are you not respecting their needs that way, but you are doing yourself a disservice. Or this might happen the other way around. You wouldn’t want to wake up with a dozen missed calls from your ex when trying to move on.

What you need to do is set strict boundaries. When you talk about breaking up, also discuss ground rules. Don’t text and call if you feel like you can’t. Don’t go out with the same groups if you need distance. Discuss what to do if you run into each other. Do you ignore each other or talk? Figure what if you need a lot of space, or maybe just a little. No matter what your needs are, let the other person know so that they can respect them. And do the same for them.

Verbalize what you need and what makes you the most comfortable. Otherwise, your ex might cross some lines unintentionally. And that might be a setback for you. If you know talking to them will make you suffer, tell them that. They might call you to ask something innocent and reopen a wound. And you might reopen some of their wounds.

2.    You Get Back Out There Too Soon

After a breakup, especially if it was a long relationship, people find themselves in unknown territory. They are alone again and must readjust to life that way. Because learning to be solitary again can be tricky, people want to fill that void and jump back into the dating scene as quickly as possible. But that can be pretty toxic.

Going on a date with the first person you meet is a superficial way of addressing the problem. In most cases, it doesn’t even address it. Instead, it becomes a distraction from your true feelings. You fill your time and mind with new emotions, so you don’t have to deal with your wounds. But that disallows you from processing what you’ve been through.

If you shove your pain in the back of your mind, it will build up and eventually overwhelm you. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to heal. If you don’t give yourself time to process the breakup, you won’t learn anything from it. You won’t have time to reflect on what went well, what mistakes you made, and how you can become better. A breakup means losing a part of your life, so you must mourn it like any other loss.

If you jump into the first relationship you can get, you risk becoming dependent on that person. To have a healthy relationship, you need to be a healthy individual. You need to be able to thrive alone. Don’t use another person as an anchor in these times. Chances are, you will develop an unhealthy attachment towards them. Even if you don’t become toxic, a rebound relationship will only help with the superficial wounds. You are the one who needs to deal with the deep ones. So don’t use a new relationship as an excuse to avoid your emotions.

Don’t jump on all dating apps, either. Maybe you will feel gratification if people like your profile or swipe right. But you don’t want your healing to be dependent on how attractive strangers think you are. Instead, take a couple of months for yourself. Learn to love yourself before giving relationships a new chance.
after a breakup

3.    You Compare Your Experience

When people go through something traumatic, they mimic what other people did in similar experiences. If they know a couple that stayed friends after a breakup, they might think that’s what they should do too. But relationships are not “one size fits all.” You need to stop comparing and start asking yourself what’s best for you.

Some people blame themselves if they process things differently. If they don’t heal after a couple of months, they might think there’s something wrong with them: “It’s already been a year; I should be fine.” But healing looks different for everyone. If you keep comparing yourself to other people, you will adopt behaviors unsuitable for your needs.

You might keep communicating with your ex because “that’s normal” and hinder your healing process. Or perhaps you might shove your feelings deep inside because “you shouldn’t show weakness,” thus never dealing with them appropriately. You have to take “should” out of your vocabulary. No one has the right to determine how you “should” feel. If you’re not over it after a year, that’s fine. It just means your emotional toll was more significant than what others experienced. Don’t downplay your experiences.

No matter what you’ve been through, you have the right to be hurt. And the more you let yourself feel those emotions, the better you can cope with them. As Professor Grace Larson’s studies found, when people acknowledge their feelings, they feel less depressed. And they are less likely to be hung up on the breakup.

4.    You Make Your Closure Dependent On Your Ex

After a breakup, many people think the only way to get it is if their ex gives it to them. But your ability to let go of the past shouldn’t be determined by how others act. You should be in control of getting your closure.

If you depend on your ex to get closure, you might not get it at all. They don’t have to help you move on, and they don’t have to explain themselves a million times because you refuse to process. And you shouldn’t expect them to. Instead, dealing with a breakup is a lonely affair. And you should be aware of that.

You are the only person who can make sure your needs are fulfilled. If you want closure, you need to accept what happened entirely. If you’re holding on to the past, only you can fix that. There’s nothing your ex can do or say to make you immediately move on. Getting closure is a process in which you grieve the past, and you get ready to face the future. Only you can plan how you want your future to look like. Be proactive and rely on your strengths.

That doesn’t mean dealing with the breakup alone. Have friends and family support you. But be aware that you have to want to get better. No one is going to face your emotions for you.
after a breakup

Final Thoughts On Things That Stop You From Healing After a Breakup

Getting over a breakup is one of the most challenging and emotionally draining tasks you have to deal with. It’s such a personal matter that many people don’t even know how to start healing. Even if you follow all the relationship advice in the world, you might still stay hurt and develop toxic behaviors.

It would be best if you made your own rules when it comes to breakups. But it would help if you also avoid common mistakes people make after a breakup. Don’t forget to have clear boundaries you both need to respect. Don’t jump back into the dating scene the day after the split. Avoid comparing your experience to other people’s breakups. And lastly, find your closure.

Study Warns: Excessive Screen Time Links to Myopia in Young People

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A new study in one of the world’s top medical journals revealed excessive screen time can cause myopia in young people. Children and young adults have a higher risk of developing myopia, or short-sightedness, the research finds.

Researchers and eye health experts from Singapore, Australia, China, and the UK collaborated on the study. One of the experts included Professor Rupert Bourne from Anglia Ruskin University (ARU). The open-access research first appeared in The Lancet Digital Health.

Study authors poured over more than 3,000 studies investigating links between smart device use and myopia. The age groups in the studies ranged from 3 months to 33 years old.

After analyzing and calculating statistics from the studies, the authors came to a similar conclusion. They found that excessive screen time, such as staring at smartphones, can raise myopia risk by 30%. When taking into account computer use, the risk increases to about 80%.

With more children spending time at home during the pandemic, the research comes at a critical time. Millions of children have had to learn remotely due to school closures during the global pandemic. In addition, children have likely spent more time on digital devices for entertainment purposes. With more parents working from home, smart devices may have helped soothe kids during the workday.

Professor Bourne, Professor of Ophthalmology in the Vision and Eye Research Institute at Anglia Ruskin University (ARU), said: “Around half the global population is expected to have myopia by 2050, so it is a health concern that is escalating quickly. Our study is the most comprehensive yet on this issue and shows a potential link between screen time and myopia in young people.

“This research comes at a time when our children have been spending more time than ever looking at screens for long periods, due to school closures, and it is clear that urgent research is needed to further understand how exposure to digital devices can affect our eyes and vision. We also know that people underestimate their own screen time, so future studies should use objective measures to capture this information.”

Prevalence of myopia increasing worldwide as technology use skyrockets

myopiaWith more people using smartphones than ever before, it’s easy to see why our collective vision continues to worsen. Scientists have observed impaired vision occurring at younger ages and at accelerating rates. High myopia, usually defined as nearsightedness of −5 dioptres (D) or greater, is the leading cause of distant refractive error globally.

Experts have also observed a worrying trend of worsening myopia at stabilization, typically occurring in young adulthood. All of these factors may compound in the coming decades, leading to a global epidemic of high myopia.

Contacts and glasses help people with myopia see clearly, but they don’t fix the underlying problem. Severe myopia can eventually lead to complications such as irreversible blindness, macular degeneration, cataracts, retinal tears, and glaucoma.

Experts cite several environmental risk factors driving the myopia epidemic in urban, developed societies in particular. Two major risk factors include insufficient time spent in nature and increased near-vision work activities in childhood. Reading and using digital devices can exacerbate myopia, especially for children who engage for long periods in these activities.

The recent advent of digital smart devices like smartphones and tablets has spawned new types of near-vision work. Children use these devices for schoolwork, which means they’re staring at screens for eight or more hours per day. Making the issue even worse, they view these devices at closer distances than books.

While the rise in myopia cases predates the smartphone era, evidence shows that smart devices exacerbate vision loss. Population-based studies have revealed an association between excessive screen time and myopia, increased myopic spherical equivalent, and longer axial length. Some studies, however, haven’t found any links warranting more research on this topic.

Either way, staring at screens for hours a day can take a toll on our overall health. It’s not just vision loss we should worry about – smartphones and computers pose other threats to our well-being.

Other consequences of too much screen time

  • Difficulty falling and staying asleep: The blue light emitted from smart devices tricks your body into thinking it’s morning, even at night. This interruption means your body won’t produce as much melatonin, making it harder to get quality sleep.
  • The strain on the neck, head, and shoulders: Have you ever noticed that your neck hurts after looking down at your smartphone? Since your head weighs roughly 11 pounds, staring down at your device puts significant pressure on your neck and shoulders. Over time, the strain can weaken muscles in your neck, possibly leading to spinal damage.
  • It makes you more antisocial: When you’re absorbed in your smart device, you tend to tune out the world around you. As a result, your social relationships in real life suffer the more time you spend in a virtual world.
  • Affects cognition: The more we rely on smartphones to access information, the less our brains have to “think.” Passively looking at images and text on the phone makes our brains lazy, much like watching TV.
  • Increases anxiety and depression: Overwhelming evidence links the rise in smartphone use with poorer mental health. This mainly stems from the use of social media. Comparing yourself to anyone in the world and communicating with them 24/7 doesn’t bode well for mental health.

myopiaFinal Thoughts: Study links increasing myopia to excessive screen time in young adults

Smartphones and tablets have their place in society, but they have also undeniably wreaked havoc on our well-being. A new study found that rising smartphone use may explain increasing myopia in teens and young children. Everywhere you look nowadays, kids and teens alike have their faces glued to screens. These devices have educational applications, but it’s not healthy to look at them for more than eight hours per day.

Not only do smartphones and tablets cause vision loss, but they also can lead to poorer mental and physical health. As a society, we need to curb our appetite for technology and spend more time in nature. This alone would help improve our vision, literally and figuratively.

4 Narcissistic Traits That Most People Overlook

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Do you ever get weird vibes from certain people but can’t pinpoint why? Do you think they display negative narcissistic traits?

Narcissism is a behavior often associated with an inflated ego. But what if that wasn’t the case for all narcissists? What if certain personality traits are harder to correlate with narcissism? Read on to discover some narcissistic traits that go unnoticed and how to identify them.

The Narcissistic Traits Never to Overlook

The most common definition of narcissism revolves around extreme self-involvement. It is a behavior that makes a person ignore the needs of the people around them. Usually, narcissists see themselves as better than most. While most people can occasionally display narcissistic behaviors, that doesn’t mean they are a narcissist.

To be a “true” narcissist, one needs to show frequent disregard of others’ feelings and a lack of empathy. They don’t understand how their behavior can affect others and don’t care. Being self-centered is common for these types of people.

While narcissism is a trait, it can signify a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is essential to understand that narcissism is a spectrum. Not all narcissists have NPD. Only the people on the higher end of the spectrum are classified as suffering from NPD. The people on the lower end are still narcissists but don’t suffer from this mental health disorder.

The Five Most Frequent Narcissistic Traits

Common narcissistic traits to look for when you suspect someone might be narcissistic are:

  • Sense of entitlement
  • Manipulative behaviors
  • Need for admiration
  • Lack of empathy
  • Arrogance

The problem with this portrayal of narcissism is that it makes people think it’s an overt behavior. While that’s true in most cases, narcissists don’t have to be honest about their true selves. This behavior is not all about being loud and flashy.

narcissistic traitsCovert narcissism

In recent years, in-depth studies on this behavior have determined two types of narcissism: covert and overt. Overt narcissism is the one discussed previously and the most prominent display of narcissistic behaviors. Covert narcissism is the one harder to spot.

The covert narcissist is introverted and reserved. How is that possible, you might ask? Isn’t that a contradiction? Well, no, and this makes sense. A study at NYU determined that narcissism is often driven by insecurity. Because of that, even they need reassurance. And if they can’t get it through showing-off, they will act vulnerable. As psychoanalyst Maxine Mei-Fung Chung stated, the mask of the wounded narcissist conceals pain and sadness.

4 Narcissistic Traits Most People Overlook

So, what narcissistic traits go unnoticed, and how can you become aware of them?

1.    Habitual Non-Listening

Whether covert or overt, many narcissists engage in this behavior, and they get away with it. Because people think some people like talking, being around someone talkative who isn’t a listener doesn’t seem suspicious. But this is a red flag that you should be on the lookout for.

You already know that narcissists are full of themselves. So, it only makes sense that they would like the sound of their voice. They think they know best, so they don’t bother listening to any other perspective if it doesn’t coincide with theirs. Instead, they take over the conversation to ensure everyone knows what they think.

But talking a lot isn’t a red flag by itself. Extroverts tend to be big talkers, that doesn’t mean they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The main difference is the reason why they talk. Extroverts and others who like talking will entertain, tell a story, or fill the silence. But narcissists speak to tell you how great they are. They create extravagant tales about their achievements. And, when they talk, they’re not interested in dialogue. They don’t care what you say as long as they know you have been informed about their greatness. They are perfectly content with delivering a monologue.

Hearing versus listening

Another tell is that even when they listen, they do so superficially. These folks hear instead of listening. They let you talk while they nod and think about anything but what you’re saying. They only care about finding an opening where they can slide in and start boasting about themselves again.

Even covert narcissists will engage in non-listening. While they will pretend to listen and let you talk for more extended periods, they will do so just for show. They will have the façade of a concerned friend who is interested in what you have to say. But when it comes to giving you advice or anything like that, they won’t be able to because they didn’t truly listen.

When you see a person taking over the conversation, be wary of their intentions. The best way to unmask narcissists is to ask them questions about the conversation they just listened to. If they have no idea what it was about, that’s your sign they’re exhibiting narcissistic traits.

2.    Procrastination (one of the most easily missed narcissistic traits)

This trait is more often associated with other mental health disorders, like depression. But what most people don’t know is that narcissists, especially covert ones, engage in this often.

Narcissists need to convince others, and themselves, just how perfect they are. Thus, they might choose not to engage in certain activities because they fear failure. They would rather have fewer successes but a clean record than do a lot but fail often. If they engage in an activity and don’t do it perfectly, that ruins the façade they worked so hard to create. If they procrastinate, they have excuses for not doing things. And if they do something subpar, they can save face by saying they started at the last second.

That’s not the only reason they engage in procrastination, though. Sometimes narcissists don’t care about doing certain things. They have an innate disregard for most activities. If they don’t personally like something, why bother doing it? More often than not, you will not see a narcissist doing volunteer work. They don’t care about doing things for others. The only reason why they might engage in certain charitable activities is if they gain something from it. The gains can be brownie points from friends, social connections, a better image, or something to add to the CV; it doesn’t matter. But they will not bother doing things if that personal gain doesn’t exist.

Be careful around someone who constantly delays doing things or does nothing more than what makes them look good. You might be dealing with a narcissist.

Narcissistic Traits3.    Self-Deprecating Humour

Self-deprecating humor is popular among younger people. In most cases, it’s the effect of cultural changes. Sometimes, it can reveal narcissistic traits.

This all stems from narcissists trying to conceal that they have low self-esteem. Most of them do this by acting overly confident. Some take it to the other extreme. They become excessively modest, belittling themselves through the jokes they make. But it’s all a ploy. In reality, they’re just fishing for compliments, trying to get the validation they need to boost their confidence.

If you’ve ever heard someone saying, “I’m the most horrible person ever, am I right?” that’s probably just a manipulation tactic. It’s meant to put the listeners in a tight spot, where they can agree and move on with their life. Instead, they’re forced to be reassuring, thus feeding the narcissist’s ego. Plus, if they cover up this attempt at manipulation in the form of humor, they can’t be confronted about their true intentions. They can always say, “I’m just joking!”.

Narcissists often couple this type of humor with victim behavior. The more vulnerable they can make themselves seem, the more leeway they will have to act wrong. They rely on fear and guilt-tripping as a means to manipulate. Making jokes about how they look, how stupid they are, makes the people around them feel responsible for them. And once you become their rescuer, they will only manipulate you for their gains.

Beware of people who go overboard with this type of humor and people who play the victim. Narcissism is one of the least problematic behaviors that display this trait. Worst case, you might be dealing with sociopaths.

4.    Reactive To Criticism

Most people are open to a certain degree of criticism, especially when they are criticized constructively. If your friend advises you to try a different sauce when you cook your pasta, you’ll say “thanks,” and that’s it. You certainly won’t lose your mind. Right?

Well, that’s true for most people. But narcissists tend to be reactionary. Interpreting every criticism negatively is a sign of that person displaying narcissistic traits. The more someone blows a small comment out of proportion, the warier you should be. If someone starts raging when hearing even the most well-intentioned advice, you know something is up.

Narcissists can’t accept that people don’t see them as perfect. They take every comment as a personal attack. Because they fear that their mask of perfection is cracked, they lose it and react when given advice. Rage is simply a defense mechanism to protect their inflated ego. Sometimes, they act like their survival is dependent on being right.

Even if they’re not directly criticized but instead presented with different viewpoints than the ones they hold, they react the same. It’s always “my way or the highway” with these people. Be careful if you know someone who gets angry when presented with advice or alternative opinions. It’s possible you are dealing with a narcissist, and you’d better distance yourself from them than try to make them see reason.

narcissistic traitsFinal Thoughts On Four Narcissistic Traits Most People Overlook

The best conclusion to everything discussed is that you shouldn’t stereotype anything. So many stereotypes and misconceptions are associated with narcissistic traits that people overlook the subtler nuances.

When identifying narcissists, don’t just look for the loudest and most full of themselves. Sometimes, the people who seem the most vulnerable are the most dangerous. Pay attention to people who don’t listen to you, procrastinate, and go crazy when criticized. A closer look might show you who they are. Most importantly, please don’t fall for their self-deprecating humor and victim behavior. Remember, the people who act like that can always be manipulators with inflated egos.

3 Ways to Release Negative Thoughts

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We all have them…but how do you release negative thoughts? Do you ever feel like you can only see things in a negative light? Do you wish you could be happier and freer?

Especially in today’s environment, where people’s lives become more stressful as the days go on, negativity can become a habit. One little harmful thought that goes ignored can spark an entire change of mentality. Sometimes, you don’t even notice it until it’s too late. So, if you want to make sure you never get in that situation, you need to learn to release negative thoughts.

Why Should People Release Negative Thoughts?

In a single day, people can have up to 70,000 thoughts, researchers say. Because of the sheer number of things that cross your mind, inevitably, you will experience some unwanted things. You can’t control all those thousands of thoughts, so some are bound to go rogue.

One reason unwanted thoughts might creep into your mind is that your negative beliefs stem from positive intentions. Most people don’t like to be burdened by negativity, so they don’t realize that they’re engaging in negative thinking. But the truth is, in some scenarios, your brain might want to make you be a pessimist to protect you. If you’re thinking about applying for a challenging position, your brain might make you believe you are not qualified, so you don’t apply at all. It feels that if you don t apply at all, you can’t be rejected. Thus you can’t get hurt. So, negative thoughts are intended as a barrier between you and failure.

Many people are even born and raised in an environment full of pessimism spread by toxic people. Because of that environment, they develop a negative bias. This means some people care more about adverse events rather than positive ones. They dwell on criticisms or insults rather than being able to balance out the good and the bad. Past traumas can also make people prone to negativity. The more you were hurt, the more significant the impact of future adverse events.

If you are prone to negativity, that means positive events will be less important to you. You will not register praise as you should. Instead, you’ll more likely brush it off and refocus on criticisms. And that’s not the worst thing negative thoughts can do to a person. Because of the mind-body connection, your thoughts can affect how your health. Negative thoughts cause stress and feelings of anxiety, which can lead to long-term struggles with anxiety disorders.

Negative thoughts can stop your brain from producing endorphins and other chemicals that keep your health in balance. The stress associated with negativity can make the body release hormones that speed up your heart rate and breathing, thus increasing blood pressure. In the long term, this can lead to heart issues, such as a higher risk of a heart attack. Alongside those issues, negativity weakens your immune system, can lead to stomach issues and increases the risk of insomnia.

release negative thoughts3 Ways to Release Negative Thoughts

To avoid all the issues associated with this type of thinking, you must learn to release negative thoughts and enjoy life.

1.    Become Aware Of Toxic Thoughts

On the surface, this might seem like straightforward advice requiring little effort. In reality, many people struggle with harmful and toxic thoughts precisely because they aren’t aware of them. After so many years of normalizing negative thinking, many people struggle with identifying how such a thought looks like.

In general, negative thinking patterns can be grouped into a few categories:

  • Overgeneralization
  • Jumping to conclusions
  • Catastrophising
  • Labeling
  • “Should” statements
  • Emotional reasoning
  • Blame

All these types of thoughts have one thing in common: they are irrational. They often stem from misconceptions about how you should evaluate and judge specific situations. Or, they result from certain stereotypes or thought patterns you learned when you were young. Because of this, it’s hard to identify that there’s something wrong with them.

When you think, “should I go for that job I’ve always wanted” at first sight, nothing seems toxic. But that thinking can quickly lead to self-doubt. Ultimately, you could end up rejecting the possibility that something good can come out of pursuing that dream.

The pragmatic outcomes are similar for all other toxic thought patterns listed previously. Overgeneralization, jumping to conclusions, and labeling can stop you from trying something good because you base your thinking on misconceptions. Catastrophizing will only make you irrationally afraid. Blame will make you be too hard on yourself. And emotional reasoning, like saying you don’t like something because it’s unnatural, leads to bad decisions.

Whenever you find yourself thinking something that conforms to these thought patterns, write them down. This way, you won’t be able to brush them off or forget them. This habit will force you to be aware of how many toxic thoughts you allow daily. Once you write them down, try to understand how they can affect you. If you find yourself labeling people, try to know where that is coming from. Try to understand what stereotypes or fears you have that fuel those labels.

Once you write everything down, you become aware of your thoughts. Then, you can start working on the root issues that stop you from realizing negative thoughts.

negative thoughts2.    Be Proactive in Working to Release Negative Thoughts

Being aware of your evil thoughts is a start, but it’s not enough to release those thoughts. You need to be proactive and pursue self-bettering techniques.

Take time to think about why those thoughts form. What core beliefs do you have that fuel negativity? Could there be something wrong with those beliefs? For example, if most of your negative thoughts are blaming yourself, understand why. Is it because you think you must be perfect every second of the day? If so, try to work on letting go of perfectionism. Is it because you believe you have to do everything alone? If so, try to let people help you more. Try asking yourself these types of questions whenever you are a pessimist.

Instead of being self-critical, you should start being curious. If a situation is hard to deal with, try to learn how to tackle it rather than catastrophizing it. The world is not going to crumble around you if you don’t have all the answers. You can ask others for their opinion, get help, and learn how to improve. Always focus on the silver linings of the situations you go through. Instead of saying “this is too hard,” understand that if you pursue this, even if you fail, you can learn something. But if you let your negativity stop you from doing things, you will stagnate.

If you struggle to make yourself act positively, try to practice mindfulness. Meditation and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be helpful tools to guide you. You can meditate to clear your head and focus on identifying the core issues you must fix.

If you need to reach out to a specialist, many of them will use CBT. This is a technique meant to rewire your brain to a new default attitude. One thing you might try if you start CBT is the “then what?” exercise. The premise of this exercise is simple: ask yourself, “then what?” after experiencing a negative thought. If you’re sure you shouldn’t try to pursue a promotion because you will fail, ask yourself, “what if you fail?”. The worst that could happen is you don’t get the promotion, and your life stays the same. But if you pursue that dream, you can reach it. If you don’t try at all, you will never get what you want. This exercise can put everything into perspective and give you a more objective understanding of the situations you find yourself in.

If you feel defeated in tricky situations, try to see how you can change that. Instead of thinking you’ll never find a job, know how to improve your resume. Don’t let negativity take over your actions. To release negative thoughts, you need to act positively.

3.    Let Go Of Judgement

Judgment is one of the things that are hardest to get right. You can be constructive in your criticisms, but judgment alone stems from negativity. When you are judgmental, you only throw empty criticisms around without giving constructive advice.

You probably know a lot of toxic people who judge everything around them. And you probably avoid those people. But you might be doing that too. Sometimes, it’s easier to find negative things to say about someone rather than accept their strengths. People are hardwired to compare themselves to others. And when that comparison doesn’t favor them, they default to nit-picking rather than taking their inferiority in certain areas. Sometimes people judge others because they are different.

If you engage in this toxic behavior, be aware that this attitude keeps you in a negative bubble. What you can do to get out is to accept that being different isn’t inherently wrong. Someone looking different, and having different opinions doesn’t make them inherently bad. Someone being better than you in one area doesn’t mean you don’t have your strengths. To release those negative thoughts, you need to change your core views. Try to focus on learning above everything else. If your work colleague can do something better than you, ask them how they did it instead of judging them.

Judging others, or yourself, will only make you mad, stressed, or sad. If you make it your goal to value people’s strengths, you become more open to learning, thus growing individually.

release negative thoughtsFinal Thoughts On How To Release Negative Thoughts

Struggling to become more positive presents a challenge. It can affect all areas of your life, from health to work, relationships, etc. The only way to release negative thoughts for good is to rewire your brain and work towards making positivity your default state of mind. Fortunately, there are ways to do this.

You can embark on this journey alone and follow the previous steps or ask someone to help you. Don’t be too harsh on yourself; any progress is good. If you feel stuck, don’t be afraid to get professional help.

3 Behaviors A Go Getter Displays Without Realizing It

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What can be so special about a go getter? After all, aren’t they just people who care about nothing but reaching specific goals?

While it certainly might seem like it, there’s much more substance to a go-getter than it might seem. Unfortunately, this concept is often misunderstood. This outcome is also why people run away from go-getters, and they’re afraid of becoming one. But there’s nothing to be wary of. If you think you might be a go-getter, don’t listen to all the stereotypes. Instead, read on to find out what behaviors you display without realizing it.

What Does It Mean To Be A Go Getter?

Commonly, a go-getter is known as a person who is goal-oriented to a fault. Some might even call them “aggressively enterprising people.” They are seen as very energetic and determined to be successful.

go getterA go-getter might look like your colleague at work who is always knee-deep in work. They might be those college students who never leave their dorm because they’re studying 24/7. Everyone knows at least one go-getter or has encountered one in the past. And you know they are serious, dedicated people.

Unfortunately, many stereotypes surround the go-getter personality. They are considered vicious, cold, and cut-throat. Many people think that go-getters will step on everyone who stands in their way to get to what they want. And if that’s not the misconception, then they are called workaholics. People seem to think that go-getters can’t have a fun and well-rounded social life.

This perception all stems from the façade that go-getters create. They have an “eye on the prize” mentality, and they work hard to stay focused. Just because they don’t make jokes at work doesn’t mean they don’t know how to have fun. They know there’s a time to be serious and a time to have fun. They choose to work as hard as possible until they reach their goals, even if that means sacrificing fun for a while.

Go-getters’ main struggle is that other people don’t understand them. As a regular person, it’s hard to empathize with their need to sacrifice their short-term pleasure for more significant goals. That’s why they have to deal with being outsiders. If you’re a go-getter, you know how this feels. You don’t have time to give people the attention they need, so they distance themselves from you.

3 Behaviors A Go Getter Displays Without Realizing It

If you are a go getter, you probably think you know everything there is to know about your personality. But you might display a few behaviors you weren’t aware of.

1.    Go Getters Have A Lot Of Fears

At first glance, this might seem either unrealistic or undesirable. How is it possible that someone who goes all-in for their goals is also afraid? And why is that even a good thing?

If you’re a go-getter, you might even be confused or outright offended by this possibility. Obviously, you can’t be afraid. What you might not know is that, for many go-getters, fear fuels your sense of purpose. You might not be aware of those fears, but they are there.

Some people view fear as a weakness. Many people don’t think people who have many fears possess leadership qualities. But that’s not the case for go-getters. For them, it’s the thing that grounds them to reality. Because they dream big, fears act as a check and balance mechanism. Your brain uses fear as a reminder of your limitations. This way, it subconsciously stops you from taking unnecessary risks. It pushes you to be practical and prevents you from wasting your time on projects that have no pay-off. Thus, you might display pragmatic behavior without even knowing.

Growing from your fears

Fear acts like a voice in the back of your mind telling you not to pursue something. Because of that, it’s easy to miss the actual reason why you act with caution in certain situations. But a go-getter should be aware of their fears. They are some of the only people who can use fear as an asset. Fear empowers them.

Knowing how far you are willing to go to reach something gives you an edge in decision-making. You don’t have to spend hours dwelling on the pros and cons of a decision because fear has already created clear boundaries for you. It also produces high standards for you and those around you. It makes the perfect balance between aiming high but not too high.

Being afraid also pushes you to be inventive when trying to work around an issue. Because you don’t want to let minor setbacks stop you in your tracks, you will get creative. If one solution doesn’t work, you will drop it and go to the next possibility. This makes you incredibly resourceful in the long run.

The more you become aware of what your fears are, the better you get to know yourself. And a go-getter fully connected to who they are is unstoppable.

2.    Go-Getters Fail Often And Fail Hard

They might not realize it, but go-getters are the champions of failing. Again, how is that a good thing? Isn’t the whole point of being a go-getter to reach specific goals? Exactly because that’s the goal. You should be able to roll with the punches if you want to be a go-getter.

Most people take on something, fail, and then never try to do anything like that again. Failure is usually the most effective way to stop someone’s efforts. But not for go-getters. The more they fail, the stronger they come back. The ability to take everything in stride and persevere is what makes them exceptional.

Failure is not the end of your efforts, as many people would believe. If used correctly, it’s the most effective learning tool out there. Say you’re trying to start a business. Entrepreneurial training can only get you so far. You need to get out there, put your ideas into practice, and accept that you will fail sometimes.

go getterLearning life lessons after a failure

The harder you fail, the more you can learn. And you can’t create something great without taking enormous risks. Of course, this doesn’t mean taking stupid risks. Even the most significant risks are still calculated. Failing tests and improves go-getters’ perseverance and flexibility. The better you can bounce back after a fall, the better suited you will be for the next task you take on.

Something great about go-getters is that they are unconcerned about what could go wrong. They understand loss is just a part of fulfilling a greater sense of purpose. They don’t care if others see them fail. Besides that, they aren’t bothered if their image gets stained by those failures, and so they aim far beyond fast, short-term accomplishments. They aren’t concerned about what their peers think of them. This confidence allows them to do whatever they need without having to stress about disappointing anyone.

If you’re a go-getter and you don’t think you display this behavior, think again. How do you act when something goes south? Do you give up and go back to your safe space? Or do you get up and try again? If you answered with the latter, you could be sure you’re a true hustler.

3.    Go Getters Aren’t The Loudest In The Room

You might think that a person who puts their goals above everything will have an inflated ego. You might believe they want to make their presence known at all times. But go-getters know when to be patient. They also know that preserving their energy is more important than being heard at all times. That’s why they don’t bother being the loudest in the room. Instead, they try to be the most resourceful.

While go-getters will fight tooth and nail for what they believe in, they’re fighting a war. They know they don’t have to win every single battle to win the war. Instead, they need to approach issues strategically. Say they’re in a business meeting. They know there’s no need to jump in whenever they get an opening.

Fighting with people isn’t going to get them closer to their goals. Listening, taking mental notes, preparing a coherent argument, and expressing their opinion concisely is a much better tactic. They want people to remember what they said. So, they go for quality over quantity. If you talk for ten minutes, but you say virtually nothing, you didn’t accomplish anything. But if you spoke for three minutes persuasively, you can be sure you got your point across.

Moreover, they’re more concerned with coming up with plans rather than engaging in irrelevant fights. Whenever they encounter a problem, rather than arguing about it, they use their time to develop unique perspectives. If in a meeting everyone has been fighting for half an hour, and the go-getter was silent and contemplative, you can be sure they’re cooking up something.

After all, that time spent fighting, the only one who will develop a strategy will be the go-getter. Their ability to listen and analyze situations with a clear mind allows them to get creative and figure out the best course of action. Most go-getters don’t even notice that they do this. But it comes from their innate inclination towards being analytical. They would instead leave their mark pragmatically, build something, reach a goal, then be heard for a minute and forgotten in the next.

go getterFinal Thoughts On Some Behaviors A Go Getter Displays Without Realizing It

Go-getters have certain innate qualities that make them purpose-driven, qualities they don’t even know about. Their brain is hardwired so that they act in the best ways to reach their goals without realizing it. Some of these qualities might even seem incompatible with the core values of a go-getter. But they’re all complementary, and together they create a person fully equipped to accomplish big things.

Because of how realistic they are, they have many fears. But, unlike other people who lose their nerve when afraid, go-getters are fuelled by it. Fear is what keeps them grounded while also motivating them. When go-getters fail, they fail hard. But they take every failure and learn from it. They get better every try. And they are unbothered by the risks they take because they know every risk is calculated.

Lastly, they don’t bother making themselves heard whenever possible. The go getter would instead accomplish pragmatic things and prefer to be seen rather than heard.

11 Ways to Love Again After a Heartbreak

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Romantic breakups are hurtful and confusing. Because of the pain, you may feel as if you will never be in love again. Lost love is just too painful. If you’re feeling like this right now, you are not alone. Many people have gone through something similar. As difficult as it is to believe, it is possible to love again. Here are some suggestions to help you love after a heartbreak.

How do you heal after a breakup?

It can take some time to heal after heartbreak. Here are some suggestions on what you can do to encourage healing after a break-up.

Talk with your friends or family

It’s important to talk to a trusted friend or family member. After a breakup, you will feel lonely. But you need to get stuff off your chest. Get together with a trusted friend or family member. Set a limit on how much you talk about your ex. Make it clear that you don’t want to share all the details about what happened, but you need someone who will listen to you. Having someone to talk to is a healthy way to heal.

Plan your future

Make plans. Make plans for the upcoming holidays or summer vacation. Is there a country you have always wanted to visit? Maybe now is the time to plan that trip. Set goals for yourself. What are the things you’ve always wanted to do, but put them off because you were too busy being in a relationship? Maybe you should join a book club or take a pottery class. How about taking a Jitsi class with your best friend? Try to remember who you were before the relationship. Be that person again and do those things you planned to do. You won’t regret it.

love againWrite in a journal

A breakup is an emotional experience. Do some self-evaluation. Get in touch with your feelings. Try journaling to express your thoughts and feelings. Researchers say that writing helps people deal with personal grief. It allows you to better understand yourself and make sense of your feelings. Being able to go back and read your journal entries is helpful. You’ll be surprised how your feelings change and your outlook on life has improved over time.

Here are 11 ways to love again after a heartbreak

Try these behaviors to try to regain your footing after a lost love.

1 – Give yourself some time

After a breakup, don’t rush back into dating right away. Give yourself some time to get back into life again. Pay attention to signs when you are ready to date again. If you find yourself not thinking about the breakup that much, and you’re enjoying being out with friends, that’s a good sign you’re healing. Eventually, you’ll be able to think about dating again, but give yourself some space to truly heal.

2 – Take care of yourself

If you’ve had a breakup, take good care of yourself. Romantic breakups are emotionally draining. You may not feel you don’t want to get out of your bed in the morning, but it’s important to do it for your emotional health. Take care of yourself by eating well and getting some exercise. Don’t sit at home by yourself, spend time with others. At first, your heart won’t be into doing this, but over time you will begin to feel better. Eventually, your mood will improve, you’ll be more positive, and you’ll feel like yourself.

3 – Stay upbeat

After breaking up, it may be hard to feel positive about your life. But part of your healing is to stay upbeat even on your darkest days. Focus on all that is good in your life. Find ways to be grateful. Complaining and getting bitter will only make you feel worse. Adopting a positive mindset will help you feel better about your life and your future.

4 – Block their posts

If you’re an enthusiastic social media follower, fight the urge to see what your ex is doing. Seeing their posts won’t be helpful to your heart or mind. The best thing you can do is block their social media site, which means all of them. Studies show that constantly monitoring your ex after a breakup causes emotional distress. This type of social media stalking creates an unhealthy breakup with the other person. Blocking your ex may feel drastic, but you must heal and move on with your life. You can do it!

5 – Forgive

One way to be sure you will be able to love again is to forgive your ex-partner. Forgiving them doesn’t mean that everything that happened was okay, or that you forgot how painful the breakup is. It means you are letting go of it. You acknowledge that, like you, the other person is human. Both made mistakes of you, and you will not hold this over the other person’s head. Forgiveness allows you to experience both emotional and spiritual health.

love again6 – What can you learn?

You want to love again, that’s understandable, but what can you learn from your failed relationship? Do you realize that you tend to choose bad partners? Perhaps you’re looking to be rescued or to rescue others. Do you gravitate towards people who aren’t good for you? Trying to learn from a failed relationship takes real self-evaluation. It can be painful to admit your unhealthy habits related to a relationship. Don’t beat yourself up, but try to understand yourself better.

Notice some unhealthy tendencies in yourself and your relationships. It could be helpful to consider seeing a counselor to help you identify why you are prone to these bad choices.

7 – Consider what you want in a partner?

Use this time after a breakup to evaluate what happened in your relationship. What did you learn about yourself or the other person? Then take some time to consider what you want in a partner. Ask yourself some questions, such as…

  • What character qualities are important to me? Kindness, loyalty, understanding?
  • What about their attitude towards family, faith, and friends?
  • What things would you like them to enjoy? Music? Art? Sports?
  • Evaluate yourself and what things you want to grow or change. Do you want to grow in generosity, kindness, or helping others?

Evaluating what you want in a partner will guide you when you date again.

8 – Don’t carry relational baggage to your new relationship

When you do date, avoid talking about your lost love. You don’t want to carry your relationship baggage into a new relationship. Don’t gossip about them or discuss details of your relationship. This will make the other person uncomfortable and start your relationship off wrong. Start over and leave the past behind.

9 – Help others

Reach out and help others in your church, community, or neighborhood. An ancient proverb says, … those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. (Proverbs 11:25 NLT) turns out, this wise saying is true. Researchers say that being concerned for others by helping them will improve how you feel. It can make you feel happier about your life. Some ways to help others include:

  • Volunteer at a school or hospital
  • Buy someone lunch
  • Get groceries for a needy family
  • Spend time with an elderly neighbor
  • Donate time at a homeless shelter

Sometimes the best way to love again is to get the focus off yourself and on to the people around you who are in need.

10 – Be realistic

It’s good to have a positive mindset as you consider dating again, but you must be realistic. If you expect that you’re going to find the love of your life right away, you may be disappointed and frustrated. Finding a good partner will take time. You may be alone for a while, but that’s okay. Enjoy being single and having the freedom to do things you can’t do if you’re in a relationship. Keep a realistic view of your future.

11 – There’s more to life

Even though you feel you’ll never love again, remember there is more to your life than having a relationship. As important as having that certain someone in your life, you can have a full, happy life without a relationship. You don’t need a relationship to validate your worth. It’s important to focus on other people and parts of your life. Spread some love to your friends and family.

love againFinal thoughts on learning how to love again

You may feel you’ll never love again, but time can help heal a heart. Grieve. Remember, you aren’t alone. Many people have experienced heartbreak like this and they’ve made it through. You can, too! You can find meaning in your life as a single person. Whether you do the things you used to or help others, you can enjoy life again. When it’s time to date, consider what you want in a partner and be strategic about who you date. Be positive and stay focused on your future. There will be a time to love again, so don’t give up.

10 Ways to Take Negative Feedback In A Good Way

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Wouldn’t it be great if everybody in your circle praised you and never found fault? Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen in the real world, and discouraging words are even spoken around many peoples’ homes. How can you deal with negative feedback and keep your dignity?

Do you have a friend or loved one who is a people pleaser and doesn’t want to offend? They will often say what they think you want them to say and won’t offer their honest opinion. The truth can hurt, and it takes a genuine person to give an unbiased view, even if you don’t like it.

Everyone is under constant scrutiny by family, friends, and society. Often, criticism is unwarranted and comes from mean-spirited people. They give blunt, rude comments that are meant to hurt and hinder.

However, constructive criticism from genuine friends is meant to help you make necessary changes. A verse in the book of Proverbs explains that wounds from a friend are faithful. In other words, criticism may hurt, but sincere friends talk to you in love and for the right reasons.

Criticism in Your Love Relationship

In the arms of your significant other, you find sanctuary and acceptance. You are vulnerable and speak your heart without fear or intimidation. As with the wounds of a friend, your person may need to draw your attention to flaws and mistakes.

People in loving relationships know each other’s hearts and intentions. If they mention an issue causing them worry or grief, they know you want to fix it. Try not to take it as a personal assault and try to shift the blame to them.

It’s a two-way street, and sometimes lovers will quarrel and voice unfair criticism. However, couples in lasting relationships have learned to tell the difference between angry words and constructive criticism. No relationship is perfect, and it’s a beautiful journey of discovery and growth.

negative feedbackProfessional Critiques and Negative Feedback

Reviewing your job performance is one of the most frequent examples of negative feedback.

To measure employee performance and improvement, most companies conduct periodic reviews. You probably have job performance reviews with your boss quarterly or annually. The supervisor uses these reviews to evaluate your contribution to the company and address any shortcomings.

Most people feel nervous during these evaluation meetings because they don’t want to hear anything negative. Also, your job performance marks can make a difference in your salary.

Although you strive for the highest marks and outstanding comments, it’s unrealistic. Such reviews wouldn’t highlight your strengths and weaknesses, and you’d have no benchmark for growth. You’d have no initiative to work harder and make higher goals unless you know what to correct.

Negative comments are a necessary pain on your job performance review. Your supervisor may also take you aside anytime during the workday to point out errors. How you respond can make the difference between the boss seeing you as a teachable employee or noncompliant.

You’ll encounter many similar negative feedback examples in life, and yes. They all hurt to hear.

Ten Ways to Accept Negative Feedback

Whether you receive constructive criticism at home or work, you decide how it affects you. Turning these negative comments into a learning tool takes personal skill and maturity. Here are ten tips to consider when you receive criticism.

1. Step Back from the Negative Feedback for a Couple of Seconds

When someone criticizes you, it’s a natural response to lash out in self-defense immediately. It can happen at home or work during a performance review. Remember that your words and actions are more effective when you pause before you speak.

Instead of blasting the person giving you constructive criticism, try to hear them out. Take a breath and consider what you’ve heard. It will give you enough time to respond to the complaint calmly and rationally.

2. Reflect on the Negative Comments

You may not completely understand a critique someone gives you because it pushes many emotional buttons in your mind. You’re often ready to go into a heated discussion without knowing the other person’s points and intentions. Even though it’s hard, try to be an active listener.

After you’ve heard the criticisms and paused for reflection, ask the person to clarify their points with examples. For instance, if they think you didn’t put forth your best effort, ask them how they came to that conclusion. You may understand why they criticized you if they are armed with objective evidence.

3. Avoid Diving Into Defensive Mode

Defensiveness serves as a way to protect your character and competence. It involves a lot of intense emotion, especially anger. However, Dr. Hendriksen warns that it can backfire on you if you get defensive when facing negative feedback.

4. Hold Your Temper When You Receive Negative Feedback

How many times have you had an explosive reaction to someone and later regretted it? An angry, defensive mode can hurt your personal and professional life. It can distance you from your supervisor, coworkers, or your mate. Such tantrums make you look immature and unstable.

negative feedback5. Find the Positive in the Negative Feedback

When people critique your words, actions, or accomplishments, it can automatically give you tunnel vision. All you can hear is the negativity; you’re oblivious to any positive points within the discussion. Psychologists call this phenomenon the negativity bias.

A study published in the Psychological Bulletin by Amrisha Vaish explains negativity bias as your tendency to be affected by negative things more so than positive ones. While psychological experts believe that this bias is developed from childhood to adult, there’s much information that’s still unknown.

6. What’s Their Motive?

One way to help you through negative bias is to consider the other person’s motive. Is your boss, partner, or friend offering negative feedback to be cruel, or are they trying to help you? Understanding their concerns and motivations will reveal some of the positive messages within the criticisms.

7. What’s the Next Step?

You’ve listened intently to your performance being critiqued and paused to reflect on the speaker’s words and intentions. Perhaps you’ve gleaned some positive notes in the criticism. You did a good job staying calm and collected; now it’s your turn to speak.

Try asking the other person some essential questions that show you listened and want to improve. Questions like “What are your suggestions for improvement?” or “What are my goals for doing this task more efficiently?” Those with your best interests want you to succeed and do what they can to help.

8. Ask for Some Time to Collect Your Thoughts

Good managers won’t demand that you respond immediately if you’ve received negative feedback during a job performance review. Requesting time to review and reflect on the conversation and any negative points is okay. Not only does it prevent you from being impulsive, but it shows the other person that you’re taking it seriously.

Hearing negative feedback from your partner or a friend is a bit more complicated. However, the same principles apply, and you’re wise to reflect on the conversation before responding. Your thoughts will have more clarity and won’t be as clouded by emotions.

9. Make an Action Plan

Of course, some points in the negative feedback may be miscommunicated or invalid. These are things you can discuss during your response. Remember to be calm and professional and not argumentative.

Ask pertinent questions, and request that your supervisor helps you draft an action plan. On one side of the paper, the negative feedback is outlined point by point. Now, go to the right sight and describe how you’ll remedy the challenge and the timeline. Put a positive slant to it and call it your goal.

You can do the same thing at home with your family. If you have some personal habits that you must change, make a reasonable action plan. Visualizing your goals may make it easier to make positive changes and avoid negative thinking.

The boss is allowing you to recognize your weak areas and improve them. As you mark off each completed goal, you have positive actions identified in your following review. Making and completing an action plan takes determination.

10. Go Forward

Most professional job performance reviews outline challenges, goals, and how much time you must implement them. When you’ve worked hard and thought you did your best, any negative feedback can feel like a slap in your face. These stinging critiques may linger in your mind and cause you to harbor resentment.

Even after you’ve reached your goals for improvement, you may still have a grudge against your boss. Try to use the critique as a learning curve and put any resentments behind you. You’ve listened, made changes, and have grown professionally. Take these lessons and move on.

Are you still vexed that your partner or friend called you out on a shortcoming? Instead of shifting the blame, own your mistakes and try to fix them. Apologize, make amends, and let these criticisms make you a better person.

negative feedbackFinal Thoughts on Using Negative Feedback to Your Advantage

If your world were all sunshine, you wouldn’t have the rain to nourish and sustain life. Likewise, it would help if you had a balance of positivity and negativity to learn and progress personally and professionally. You find the rainbow in the showers as you change for the better and learn from your mistakes.

6 Ways Setting Priorities Can Help You Achieve Your Goals

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In your life journey, your time is finite. It sounds morbid, but it’s true! You have a set amount of space every single day in order to do what you need to do. When you have big dreams and goals, that limit on your time can feel restrictive. You may feel like you never have the time to do the things you need and want! If this sounds like you, setting priorities is a must for you.

That’s where priorities come in. The exact meaning of a priority can differ from person to person, but the gist is pretty simple. Essentially, a priority is something that you put urgency and importance on. It’s the subject that holds your focus and it’s what you consider the most important thing above your many responsibilities.

Of course, there can be more than one priority for each person. More specifically, most individuals have a list of priorities, ranked in terms of how important they are. These priorities often also correlate to an internal set of values. They determine how you spend your time and what you’re willing to sacrifice if need be.

Setting priorities is a powerful tool when it comes to taking control of your life. When you know how to set your priorities, you’ll also be able to achieve better productivity and effectiveness. This is why this activity can be so crucial to reaching the success you seek in life! Here are six ways setting priorities can help you achieve your goals.

1.    Setting Priorities Helps You Adapt

Priorities are not static things. Different points in your life will require different subjects of focus. If you learn to set good priorities, you’ll also get a lot of practice in adapting to new situations and life requirements.

Much like priorities, goals aren’t meant to be static. Unfortunately, not many people realize that! It’s a common thought that if you have a goal, you can’t change it or you’ll be abandoning it and giving up. But that’s not the case at all! The goals you made ten years ago were a reflection of the person you were then. The person you are now will likely have different visions of the future.

Being able to prioritize allows you to recontextualize your goals as and when you need to. When your life shifts in unpredictable ways, you’ll be rolling with the punches and learning more about what you want in life. You’ll be happy to make adjustments to your life and will handle destabilizing challenges from your journey in more positive ways.

setting priorities2.    Setting Priorities Ensures That You Know Yourself

Your goals are a big deal to your future. If you don’t know yourself well enough, you won’t be able to make goals that are true to you. A lot of people make the mistake of deciding their dreams based on others. Luckily, priorities don’t often wind up in that situation, and here’s why!

You have to decide what’s most important to you. Things that don’t truly matter aren’t priorities – and in fact, they’re typically things that you can leave behind. You won’t wind up deciding to prioritize something that you don’t truly want.

You need to be honest with yourself if you want to prioritize in a positive way. Lying to yourself won’t truly allow you to set genuine priorities. “Fake” priorities will fall apart pretty quickly, and you won’t be able to ignore that.

Prioritization means being able to learn and self-reflect. We’ve already said that as time goes on, your priorities will shift and change. You can only properly adapt to these factors if you’re practicing healthy and mindful reflection.

3.    Setting Priorities Lets You Think Ahead

Making goals short-sightedly is almost sure to result in a bunch of bad expectations and disappointment. While your goals do need you to dream big, they also need you to maintain some degree of realism. Being able to plan ahead lets you properly set long-term goals and outline steps to achieve them.

Setting priorities is one fantastic way to ensure that you’re thinking ahead. In order to determine what is best for you, you need to use critical thought. You’ll have to place yourself in the shoes of a future you and decide what would be best for them. This kind of thought allows you to determine what to go for first.

This ability to look ahead also lets you put some metaphorical space between yourself and your goals. The resulting “distance” allows you to view your ideas with a critical, third-party eye so you make more rational choices.

4.    Setting Priorities Gives You Positive Step-By-Step Management

Goals consist of more than just one big dream. They are often made up of smaller, more short-term goals. These little steps help you work your way towards your desired end result in a reasonable way. But how can you ensure that those small steps are actually effective and helpful? Well, prioritization can help you!

Sometimes, goals can get stifled by a tendency to do tiny things first. Instead of tackling large but necessary steps, you’d rather fiddle with little fusses that have less of an effect. This can happen because:

  • Finishing small things gives you a reward of the feel-good hormone dopamine. You become conditioned to that rewarding mood boost. As such, you keep doing things that’ll get you that reward the fastest.
  • You feel the need to be visibly productive all the time, and small tasks let you feel more productive. Even if it’s not really productive, the feeling of business can trick you into believing that it is.
  • Big tasks and steps are much more overwhelming and can seem daunting. It can feel safer to stick to the smaller things, even if the big things aren’t that hard.

setting prioritiesWhy Failing to Set Goals Doesn’t Work.

Why? Think about trying to pack a suitcase. If you fill it with tiny little things, you won’t have space to put bulky items. The same happens with steps towards goals. If you burn yourself out on small tasks, you won’t have the energy for the more important ones!

Prioritization gives you the chance to tackle big and necessary things over small ones. It also allows you to balance them. You’ll fill your metaphorical suitcase with the first few big items. Then, you’ll fill in the gaps between them with small items. You’ll take a break and then repeat the process for the next layer of “packing”. This is a positive way to get things done and is more likely to be a success for your goals!

Doing the hardest step first ensures ease when you’re turning your attention to simpler steps. You’re able to willfully assign challenging tasks to yourself for the sake of getting them over with. It can sound like a drag, but it’s a good way to get real about the effort needed for your goals.

Very few goals in life are going to come easy. There’s a lot of work that needs to be put into bringing them to fruition. A fair amount of that work will be things that are tricky and even overwhelming. It’s easy to simply never do those things, practicing avoidance and ending up with unfulfilled goals.

Learning to prioritize breaks this cycle and replaces it with positive thinking. You’re willing to work through the hard stuff in order to get to better days. This combination of motivation and commitment will be a great help to your performance, according to studies.

5.    Setting Priorities Prevents Distractions

Distractions are a huge goal-killer. If your mind and eye wander and leave your attention somewhere else, your goals remain stagnant. After all, goals require constant work, and you need to do things every day that move you in the right direction. You can’t do that if your focus simply isn’t there.

Priorities allow you to skip past distractions and keep your concentration on the things that truly matter. Things that can be classified as “distractions” get put low on the list of priorities. You’ll be used to doing important and urgent things first, leaving the rest for a future time. This doesn’t mean you’ll never do them – just that they’ll come after what matters most.

Some distractions also make good rewards. For example, going to watch a movie isn’t a priority and shouldn’t come before the more important things in your day. But it does serve as a good reward. Once you finished up the priorities you have on your list, you’re free to enjoy that film at your leisure!

This can create a very rewarding and positive system for working on your goals. You get to give yourself pats on the back for each short-term accomplishment. Those well-earned self-congratulations are important for maintaining intrinsic motivation and can encourage you to keep going!

6.    Setting Priorities Gets You Used To Baby Steps

When you’re used to prioritizing, you’re also used to taking action in positive ways. You don’t let ideas and thoughts lie dormant. You act on them and come up with plans to get them done. That’s also part of what healthy and productive goal-setting and work are all about! Forward momentum is always needed. But how much is necessary?

That’s an aspect that goal-setters often overlook: it’s okay to take things slow. We’ve talked about the need to work step by step and to do the big things first, true! But there doesn’t have to be a rush to do them all in one go, especially if you’re trying something unfamiliar. Prioritizers know how to set priorities based on how much time it will take to complete something, too!

Being kind to yourself and using positive thinking to help you work through challenges is crucial to long-term success. No one wants to burn out right away. Set high standards for yourself, but be reasonable. You’ll face challenges and hurdles throughout your journey, but it’s not a race! All you have to do is not stop moving and trying, even if the steps you take are small. As long as you keep yourself going, you’re heading for your goals!

setting prioritiesFinal Thoughts On Some Ways Setting Priorities Can Help Us Achieve Goals

Priorities are useful ways to keep your tasks in line, but they’re also really great for managing goals! If you can harness their power well, you’ll be able to determine exactly what must be done for your success.

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