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5 Ways to Stop Apologizing Too Much

June 5, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Is it time to stop apologizing too much?

When utilized well, apologies are powerful. A single sincere apology can prove your ability to hold yourself accountable. It can mend relationships and rifts between people by restoring trust. That’s a beautiful thing! But too much of a good thing tends to end up being harmful. Saying “sorry” constantly is a surefire way to damage relationships and harm yourself. Worse still, it can build up into a habit that’s tough to break.

If so, then here are five ways to stop.

1. Understand Why You Should Stop Apologizing Too Much

To stop a behavior, you have to get to its root. Only then can you examine the source, reflect on it, and find a way to change it. There are lots of reasons that you may be apologizing too much. Here are the most common causes, and if one fits you, it’s time to start working on it!

· If You Need to Stop Apologizing, You Might Be A Perfectionist

If you have impossibly high standards for yourself, every tiny thing that’s not perfect is a mistake. This habit leads to a desire to apologize for not meeting your impossible expectations continually. You might also do this because you fear criticism, which you may view as a stain on the perfection you seek.

· Misplaced Responsibility

For whatever reason, you feel responsible for what others do. This feeling may be a result of codependent relationships or due to past abuse or trauma. You feel the need to apologize for the actions of others, even when you have no part in them. You may even care about others too deeply and feel responsible for their happiness to some degree.

· People-Pleasing

You don’t want to be a burden to anyone, and you want everyone to be happy. Your constant apologies could be a way for you to try and stay on their good side and make them like you. You want to be agreeable and for everyone to get along, and you might even be frightened of conflict!

· Discomfort

Whenever you feel uncomfortable, the awkwardness eats at you, and you need to apologize to make it go away. You might not know what to say and therefore divert to saying sorry.

· Poor Self-Esteem

You always worry that you’re doing something wrong or that others dislike you. This feeling causes you to apologize to make up for your perceived inadequacies, even if they’re all in your head. You might also believe you don’t deserve anything good, leading to even further apologies.

· Anxiety

You always think the worst possible outcome may occur. As such, you apologize for unrealistic possibilities. You may also be extremely sensitive to everyone else’s emotions, so you anxiously apologize the second something seems amiss.

· To Make Yourself Feel Better

Although many apologies that assuage guilt are good, even studies that acknowledge this point out this fact. Saying sorry makes you feel better about yourself and fortifies your personal belief in your likability and morality. Even a sincere apology comes with a tiny bit of selfishness. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be overused for this purpose.

· It’s Just A Habit At This Point

You’ve apologized so often that it doesn’t matter what you’re apologizing for. You built the bad habit, and now it happens so automatically that it’s a struggle to realize you’re even doing it!

2. Build Awareness Of Why You Should Stop Apologizing So Often

Whenever you want to change or break a habit, a level of self-awareness is needed. The same goes for trying to stop apologizing too much. That’s why understanding why you have this habit is the first step, but there’s more work to follow!

You need to take note of the way you apologize and act accordingly to circumvent the bad habit. Here are some tips for building awareness in this domain:

· Take Note Of Why You Can’t Seem To Stop Apologizing

What situations or environments are you most likely to apologize in? Do the apologies flow from your mouth when you’re at work? Or do you do it when you’re feeling very stressed out? Knowing your triggers will allow you to be extra alert to catch the behavior during these times.

· Pause, Take A Deep Breath And Stop Apologizing

When you’re about to apologize, take a bit of a pause. Ask yourself why you need to apologize in this situation. Is it necessary? Have you done anything wrong? What are you apologizing for, exactly? Taking this short breather will give you the chance to catch yourself and replace the apology with something better.

· Think Of How It Negatively Affects You

Constantly apologizing is terrible for your social image and the way people view you. You appear less assertive and may even come across as weak. Research has found that this perceived lack of strength can get you passed over for promotions at work, especially if you’re a woman.

· Think Of How It Negatively Affects Others

Believe it or not, your apologies may be causing more harm than help to the people around you. Studies have indicated that apologies can make you feel more guilty and can even exacerbate pained emotions. This means that by apologizing, you could make those you’re saying sorry to feel worse! While you shouldn’t live life to people-please, if you often apologize out of guilt, this is helpful to keep in mind.

3. Flip The Script

Apologizing too much often happens on impulse. You’re so used to it that you offer a sincere apology when there’s no need for one. To prevent this impulse from wreaking havoc, you’ll have to flip the script. This means replacing the apologies with other phrases that can take their place in your mind. Ways that you can flip the script are by:

Changing the way you express compassion
Opting for expressions of gratitude over apologizing
Phrasing questions more mindfully and carefully

Need help conceptualizing those concepts? Here are some examples of replacements that you can use:

Don’t say, “sorry, I don’t understand.” Say, “Could you help me better understand this, please?”.
Don’t say “sorry for the confusion.” Say, “Thank you for catching that issue.”
Instead of saying “sorry to interrupt.” Say, “I’d like to expand on that.”
Don’t say “sorry for the inconvenience.” Say, “Thanks for taking the time to do this.”
Don’t say “sorry for complaining.” Say, “Thank you for listening.”
Instead of saying “sorry for the late response.” Say, “Thank you for your patience.”
Don’t say, “sorry to have to tell you this.” Say, “I know this is difficult to hear.”

What about script changes for the generic phrase “I’m sorry”? There are numerous alternatives to help you stop apologizing. If you didn’t do anything wrong or notable, you could use:

Excuse me
After you
Please, go ahead
Pardon?
Thanks for bringing this to my attention
Thank you for catching that error

4. Determine Things To Never Apologize For

While you break the habit of apologizing too much, it’s a good idea to have some blanket rules. One good practice is never to apologize for certain things. After all, there are some things that no one should ever have to say sorry for in any situation. Keeping those things in mind will be helpful for this rule. Here are some examples of things that you shouldn’t feel guilty about.

· Asking Questions

Asking questions, whether to learn or for clarification, is not something to be ashamed of. That curiosity is key to success and continual growth. Some people might try to make you feel embarrassed about your questions. Don’t let them make you feel guilty over something as good and productive as gaining knowledge!

· How You Feel

Emotions are things that you can’t control. They’re entirely natural. Apologizing for how you feel is to deny yourself permission to be human. Of course, how you react to those emotions is controllable. You can’t use your feelings as an excuse to be a jerk. If your emotions are the motivation behind negative behavior, you do have to apologize for that. But the feelings themselves aren’t things you should ever say you’re sorry about.

· Needing Time To Yourself

Many people have been conditioned to believe that taking “me time” is inherently selfish. But it’s not! Everyone needs time to be by themselves and with themselves. It’s how you can recharge and practice healthy, positive self-care. Stop apologizing for this very basic need. There’s no reason to feel guilty for taking care of yourself. After all, you’re the very best person to look after yourself!

· How You Look

You don’t owe anyone any sort of appearance apart from general decency. The way you look is just one face of who you are, and it’s not something you should ever feel bad for. Sure, there are dress codes to follow in certain places, but ultimately you should own your appearance!

5. Build Your Confidence–Then Stop Apologizing When You’re Guilty Of Nothing

A vast number of the causes of over-apologizing lie in low confidence levels. When you don’t have confidence, you lack self-esteem, set unrealistic expectations, and desire external validation to an extreme extent. This is why building yourself up can be the most powerful way to stop apologizing too much.

· Be Kind To Yourself

Whenever things go wrong, respond to yourself as you would to a friend. Be understanding and patient with yourself, like you would be with a loved one. Research has shown that self-compassion is closely linked to confidence, as you can constantly learn and grow instead of holding yourself back.

· Do Things That Scare You

Fears often stem from a lack of self-confidence. You’re afraid of failure and setbacks because you don’t believe you’ll be able to overcome them. Prove those thoughts wrong! Studies have found that confidence and the ability to face fears and take risks are closely linked. By fighting your fears, you’re able to prove your capabilities to yourself.

· Use Positive Self-Talk To Help Stop Apologizing

Positive self-talk is the use of mantras and positive statements to instill feelings of confidence. It involves countering your negative inner critic by reaffirming your strengths and capabilities so you can stop apologizing. According to research, this is a highly effective way to build trust! Whenever you feel that you can’t do something, confidently remind yourself of the many things you’re able to do. Name your great traits and your ability to do your best and learn from everything!

Final Thoughts On How To Stop Apologizing Too Much

Apologizing is something that should only be done when necessary. Doing so too much can harm you and your relationships, and it’s a mark of numerous deeper issues. If you find that you should stop apologizing, it’s a good idea to do what you can to unlearn the habit. There are healthier and more productive alternatives to constant apologies.

5 Ways Minimalism Helps You Save More Money And Live Meaningfully

June 5, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever been overwhelmed by the number of things scattered around everywhere? Do you feel like you waste money on useless items but don’t know how to change that? Do you feel so caught up in consumerism, you can’t enjoy a meaningful life anymore? Perhaps it’s time to save more money by embracing minimalism.

If your life is too erratic, you might need a change of scenery. In many cases, trying to buy less won’t solve your issues as long as you keep the consumerist mentality. It would help if you had a full-on lifestyle change. And minimalism might be the option you are looking for. You might want to make sure that at the end of the month you’ll have more money in your pocket. Or you might want to focus on things that are more important than expenses. Whichever the case, read on to find out how minimalism can help you save money.

What Is Minimalism?

Minimalism is a design choice and lifestyle in which you use a limited number of simple objects but make the most out of them. Minimalists are determined to own only the things they need, the things that serve a purpose. They have everything they need for daily life without having clutter that they might need lying around. And they don’t have any useless things that they might become emotionally attached to.

While this is first and foremost about what you own, it can also be about who you are. Because they don’t have to worry about always buying stuff, they can focus on other things. Instead of budgeting for what they can get, they budget for what they can do. It makes life more meaningful for them because it allows them to focus on experiences.

The idea that more stuff makes people happy is a myth, or so do minimalists think. They value spending time building relationships rather than working all day to buy more. While they recognize that there’s nothing inherently wrong with material stuff, they see minimalism as a way to achieve freedom. To not be pinned down by debt or worry over paying bills over bills means to be free, in their opinion.

Five Ways Minimalism Helps You Save More Money And Lead A Meaningful Life

If you need to trim your expenses or are sick of having clutter all around you, minimalism might be the thing for you. Read on to find out how to implement it and how it can help you financially.

1. Shopping For Quality Rather Than Quantity

This might be the fundamental tenet of minimalism: you should always strive to purchase qualitative items rather than having more. In other words, you need to be intentional with your purchases.

Let’s say you have an office job, and cooking isn’t one of your hobbies. While you might be inclined to fill your kitchen with gadgets, that’s not necessary. If you’re not interested in cooking something fancy, you will never need an asparagus steamer. Make sure that what you get has value for you. If you spend a couple of hundred bucks on a kitchen appliance, you better be sure you get a lot of uses out of it.

This applies to all aspects of your life. Don’t get a dozen shades of lipstick if you know you’ll never use them. Don’t get a ton of pillows just because they look pretty when you know you’ll never display them. The list goes on. This way, you can be intentional with your purchases and make sure you get every dime out of an item.

Along with being intentional, you have to look for quality. If you don’t cook a lot, that doesn’t mean you should get the cheapest pan possible and change it every month. You’re just going to waste money. Buying something more expensive is worth it as long as you know it will last you years.

If you calculate the price per use, something seemingly cheaper might end up being more expensive. That’s not to say that there aren’t moderately priced items that also last a long time. It just means you should do your research and figure out an approximate price peruse. And if you need to splurge a little, you can do it if you’re confident that the item has the quality you need.

If you’re concerned with the environment, buying fewer things that last longer will cut down on your waste.

2. Cut Meaningless Expenses

If you live a chaotic life, chances are your savings account isn’t too happy with your decisions. While some people might be ok with this, most people want to save more money if they can. Cutting down on meaningless expenses is the easiest way to start.

The average American spends about $18,000 a year on meaningless purchases. Try to go over your budget and bank statements, and pinpoint what you can cut down on. If you buy many plastic bags for groceries, you might want to get some reusable bags and cut those useless expenses. Either cut some items entirely out of your life or replace them with more inexpensive alternatives.

If you can do something yourself, you should do it. Let’s say you always get caramel macchiatos from Starbucks. And they might be delicious. But with some coffee, milk, and caramel syrup, you can replicate them at home. You can save you two to five bucks every day. This is also true for food, clothing altering, and so much more.

It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your favorite coffee from a cafe once in a while. It just means you shouldn’t get complacent and rely on someone else doing things for you. If you can do something, there’s no reason you shouldn’t.

3. Invest In Reusable Items to Save Even More Money

Single-use items might be the most manageable unnecessary cost to miss. People are so used to getting plastic bags, water bottles, and so on, they don’t even notice the money leaving their savings accounts. But investing in reusables will do wonders for your savings.

Reusables are a reliable and financially conscious alternative to many single-use items. And you would be surprised to see how many things you can replace. Recipients are the first thing you should consider changing up. Get a water filter and a reusable water bottle instead of buying bottled water every day. Get a reusable coffee cup. And the list goes on. In general, whatever you have that is plastic is replaceable with reusable in some way.

Another way to replace stuff is to consider what old items you could reuse. That old tote bag from the back of your closet could become a perfect grocery bag. An old t-shirt can become a cleaning rag. You can upcycle a lot of things if you use your imagination.

Taking these steps will help you trim your expenses and save more money. And they are sustainable alternatives.

4. Invest In Experiences

One way to make the most out of your money is to invest in experiences rather than material possessions. Once you start focusing on doing things rather than having things, your life will become more meaningful.

If you choose to go on trips, you will create memories that are much more valuable than the things you have. Buying the latest gadget will only make you happy for a short period. As soon as a newer, better device comes out, you will be pressured to buy it. So, it creates a vicious cycle in which you constantly need something newer and better.

But experiences focus on what you see, feel, and do, not what you have. Going on a trip in Bali can be just as valuable as going on a road trip close to home. At the core of these experiences are your genuine wants, not the wants imposed on you by aggressive advertising. Experiences are also about connecting with people. You create strong bonds, and you have memories that will last a lifetime.

This can save money in some cases. Even if it doesn’t, it alleviates the pressure of having to spend every dime on things that don’t make you happy. And what you get out of your investment is much more valuable. This way, it can help you find real meaning in your life.

5. Have A Long-Term Focus on Saving More Money

If you embrace a minimalist lifestyle, you will experience a shift in mentality. This lifestyle encourages a long-term focus that can help you balance your spending.

One change that happens often regards the size of people’s homes. Someone focused on the short-term will want a big, fancy house because that’s the societal goal. But people focused on the long term will get a place the exact size they need. That’s not to say there aren’t minimalists who have bigger homes. But that’s because that’s what they need. But, as people declutter, they switch to smaller spaces because they don’t need anything more. This saves a lot on rent and maintenance costs.

Another example of long-term focus is minimalists’ ability to let go of things they don’t need anymore. Most people have a hard time letting go of some stuff. Even you might have an old jacket that you keep because maybe you’ll use it again someday. But minimalists know that it’s better to let someone else use it and make more space in their closet for something else. That’s why they tend to sell the things they don’t need. This way, they make more money and declutter their space.

Those are just two examples of long-term thinking. But there are many instances where this happens.

Final Thoughts On Ways Minimalism Helps You Save More Money And Lead A Meaningful Life

If you want to make sure you can save more money, you might want to embrace minimalism. This lifestyle is all about keeping things simple and being intentional with your spending.

It incentivizes a mentality shift in people that makes them value experiences over material possessions. Instead of having a dozen pans, you should get a couple of outstanding ones. Rather than buying plastic bags for all your groceries, get a tote bag. Finally, instead of always buying bottled water, use a reusable bottle. These changes will help you spend less and live in a clutter-free environment. And, the less you worry about spending and clutter, the more time you have to create memories and connections.

5 Subtle Signs Your Relationship Will Stand The Test Of Time

June 5, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever wanted how to figure out if your relationship will withstand the test of time? Do you ever wish there could be a way to make sure you are fighting for something good?

All relationships are drastically different, and it could be hard to compare them sometimes. If you don’t have a vantage point, it can become difficult to assess whether the situation is good. But that’s the beauty of it all.

Every relationship is unique. Sometimes, you need to have some signs that make you feel sure you’re in for a long time. Fortunately, some signs apply to all relationships that can show you just that. Read on if you want to find out whether your relationship will stand the test of time.

How Does A Strong Relationship Look Like?

People often think of solid relationships as being comprised of two people who are always side-by-side. And that’s just one of the first misconceptions. Having kids, a house with a white picket fence, and looking happy at all times are other signs commonly associated with healthy relationships. But that’s not always the case.

That stereotypical idyllic portrayal doesn’t necessarily point towards a strong relationship. But what does one look like? According to relationship coach Jennifer Howell, a strong relationship is a safe place for everyone involved. You know the connection is stable when you can communicate your wants, needs, and boundaries.

Make sure that, first and foremost, you have a strong relationship. If you want to drag out a toxic relationship, maybe it will last the test of time. But it will only cause you suffering. A toxic relationship will take a toll on your mental and physical health. It can increase anxiety, lead to insomnia, and even impact your heart in a literal sense (increases risk of heart attacks).

As you might well know, you can die from a broken heart. Ensure you have a healthy relationship before focusing on how long it will last. Mary Jo Rapini, a licensed intimacy psychotherapist shares this sentiment.

5 Signs Your Relationship Will Stand The Test Of Time

According to a study from 2019, being in a high-quality romantic relationship is associated with an increased quality of life. That’s precisely why people should be single rather than in an unhealthy relationship. But if you are in a healthy relationship, how can you tell it will last a lifetime?

1. You Are Friends

This first one is a bit of a cliché, but it’s the most common sign. People involved in the most vital relationships are friends before anything romantic ever happens. And, if they can stay friends through everything, they’re in for the long run.

The alternative to a friendship-based relationship is a passion-based relationship. And, while passion is necessary, it doesn’t allow for something to develop and grow through the ages. This idea is consistent with research showing that relationships based on compassion and friendship are more satisfying and last longer.

Passion can fade, and when it does, you are left with a shallow relationship. Desire will dissipate at the first bump in the road, and the relationship will crumble. But, in a friendship-based relationship, compassion will keep you together even when times are hard. Another study shows that couples married for over 15 years will list friendships and understand why they lasted. They suggested that it is important to like who your partner is to have a meaningful connection.

Make sure you are friends with your partner before you start dating. This way, you will know you are together for something more than looks. A friend is someone who you like spending time with. You share common values, take care of each other and trust each other.

Friendships create strong emotional bonds. All these qualities are essential pillars for romantic relationships as well. If you add passion and intimacy on top of that, you can make sure your relationship will last.

2. You Have Shared Values

Opinions and a difference in desires can be absolute deal-breakers in an excellent relationship. While you can make it work with someone who sees back when you see white, it will be challenging. But if your values and road in life are similar, you will get each other, and everything will be smooth sailing.

All relationships are different, with different people having different needs. But it’s essential to find the one who can fulfill your needs. A person who wants to travel and have a career can’t make it work with someone who wants to live the suburban dream. If at any point you feel like your relationship is like a game of tug-of-war, chances are you won’t pass the test of time.

If you feel like you and your partner are always on the same page, you are meant to be. Therapist Jim Seibold believes that if partners have similar end goals, they’ll be fit to endure any obstacles. This way, you won’t be separated by a difference in desire. When you don’t share values, you have to waste time trying to work through fundamental differences. This doesn’t include small preferences.

It’s only a sign when it comes to core values. Mutual respect and compassion are still necessary, no matter what. Don’t think you won’t have to make compromises; you definitely will. But if your core values align, you have a strong foundation to build upon.

3. Fighting Fair Can Help Your Union Withstand the Test of Time

The most enduring relationships are those in which you don’t avoid fights but use them to empower your connection. This ability is something most people aren’t aware of. In many people’s heads, an argument is inherently a bad thing. But that’s not always the case.

Strong couples know that fights are inevitable. From the minor things, like someone forgetting to get bread, to big, life altering-events like deciding whether to move. People always have disagreements. That’s just human nature. The question isn’t whether they take place but how they take place.

The couples who have lasted the longest are the ones who understand that conflict should be used to their advantage. Additionally, they know how to conduct themselves in heated situations. Family therapist Winifred Reilly says that a good sign to look out for is that no matter how hard times are, nobody gets nasty. When they don’t pile on unrelated stuff, blame you, and instead, they try to get to the bottom of everything, they’re a good one.

In times of struggle, these people will know how to see through the fog and find a way to grow after fights. They learn to give when they need to and take when they need to. Their relationship is based on compromise. Even though they fight, they still look out for each other’s needs. That’s how they can take the fight and get something good out of it. They might learn a lesson they can apply to make the relationship stronger. If you and your partner have this dynamic, your connection will last the test of time.

4. You’ll Pass The Test Of Time if You Bring Out The Best In One Another

Some people might be great apart, but horrible together. Sometimes, when people couple up, they risk bringing out the worst in each other. From kind, happy, understanding people, they might become stressed, snappy, and a pain to be around.

But in other cases, the exact opposite is true. A relationship that will last time is when people bring out the best in each other. The right person for you is the one that inspires you to become better, even when it feels hard. They make you feel like giving up is not an option, that working on personal growth is always important.

This also happens when people accept each other fully. They become their best versions because they feel comfortable in showing who they are. They feel safe enough to be vulnerable, let their partner in, and learn. You don’t feel scared of how they react when you ask for their help; they will give it to you no matter what. It is a strong relationship based on mutual respect.

5. You Never Stop Dating

The dating phase before you settle into a committed relationship can be the most fun time. But as your relationship develops, some people tend to date less and less proactively. They don’t go on dates anymore and don’t surprise each other. But the people who still go out often are in for the long run after tens of years.

These little acts of affection keep your relationship fresh at all times. If you go on a new date or adventure, you will never get bored every couple of weeks. Don’t slip into a routine, and don’t be content with comfortability. Remember, romance is essential for a long-lasting bond. If you see that your partner goes out of their way to keep everything exciting, you’ve got something good going.

The time you spend together because you go on dates, walks, or just to do things together will be a game-changer. You will keep learning about one another, and this will create a more profound understanding between you. Communicating and having fun are critical for a stable and robust bond.

Final Thoughts On Signs Your Relationship Will Stand The Test Of Time

A relationship might seem strong, but that doesn’t mean it will last forever. And it can be challenging to know if this great thing you have now will always be with you. Relationships are all unique, and every couple has different relationship challenges.

It might be frustrating not having a clear guideline you can follow to make sure everything goes well. But you shouldn’t follow someone else’s relationship; you have to focus on your own. Even if that’s the case, there are still some signs you are in for a long run with someone. Open communication, compromise, and a solid emotional bond are the core of a relationship that will last forever.

If you have all that and add some excitement to the bond, you will overcome every challenge you might face.

4 Subtle Traits Of Emotionally Unstable People (And Ways To Fix It)

June 4, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever struggled with being all over the place emotionally? Or do you know someone else who’s dealing with that? Do you wish you could find a way to help yourself or other emotionally unstable people?

Emotional instability can be difficult to deal with, especially when you don’t know the signs. The behaviors of emotionally unstable people are erratic and unpredictable at times, so you have to be prepared to manage them. If you want to learn about some traits of emotional instability, keep reading.

What Is Emotional Instability?

Emotional instability (or affective dysregulation) often refers to the psychological condition that makes people experience rapidly changing moods. Strong emotions are felt by the people who suffer this condition. They might start uncontrollably laughing or burst out into tears. According to Ashley B. Hampton, Ph.D., it is centered around unpredictability in emotions and reactions to events. While most people experience a wide range of emotions, most people can manage them. But people who struggle with emotional instability will react to them in powerful ways.

The people struggling with this will also suffer from disruptive patterns of thinking. This mental illness can make them experience unusual things, feel out of place. And they are often bothered by upsetting thoughts.

Emotional instability is a psychological state that can occur to anyone. It is associated with mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, and trauma. The most extreme form of emotional instability can become a disorder. Best case, if you have mild symptoms, it means you have a personality with borderline traits.

Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (or Borderline Personality Disorder) is a personality disorder that causes emotional instability. It can cause many complications if left untreated. It can make you feel like you’ve lost control of your thoughts and emotions. You go through highs and lows that affect your health and make it difficult to connect with people.

The causes of EUPD are unclear. They seem to involve genetic, neurological, and environmental factors. Symptoms can develop as a result of not receiving the nurturing they need. It has been shown that it occurs more often in people who have an affected relative. Women seem to be three times as likely to have it than men. It is less common in order people.

4 Subtle Traits Of Emotionally Unstable People (And Ways To Fix It)

EUPD requires medical attention and close observation. Moreover, the signs might overlap with symptoms of other disorders, especially because some symptoms are less noticeable.

1. They React In An Unexpected Way

People who struggle with being emotionally unstable can sometimes react in unpredictable ways. Not only are the reactions are unexpected, but they also respond in inappropriate moments.

This can look like someone laughing in a tense moment, crying out of the blue, etc. This happens because the person loses control of their emotions. They can’t manage what they feel and when they feel it.

This happens because of dichotomous (all-or-nothing) thinking. They can rarely see the nuances in situations, which leads to splitting (inability to maintain a cohesive set of beliefs). One day they might think something is fantastic, and the next day they feel it is the worst ever.

Watch For Extreme Mood Swings In Emotionally Unstable People

If they experience rapid mood swings, they will have issues with self-soothing. Sherry Cormier, Ph.D., explains they lack the skills to calm themselves down. They can become overly reactive and respond to the slightest stimuli. They feel everything more intensely. That’s why their reactions might seem exaggerated at times. In their minds, it is appropriate, even though it doesn’t meet social expectations. But that’s just because they find everything hard to process.

People experiencing instability are also very impulsive. It takes a lot for them to take a step back and reflect. It’s much easier to act on whatever thought crosses their minds. They might appear to have poor coping and problem-solving skills. While being a little impulsive isn’t life-shattering, emotionally unstable people take it to the next level. They might break up with their long-term partner without notice, quit their job, and do other similar things.

Being empathetic and compassionate is the best way to help someone in this situation. Emotionally unstable people have a tough time controlling their emotions and are also tired of dealing with extremes daily. Please don’t make them feel like what they’re going through isn’t valid. That’s only going to make them think insane and isolated. Instead, focus on accepting them for how they are and soothing them when they’re going through mood swings. If you see that this behavior is a recurring theme, you might want to consult a specialist.

2. They Experience Rapid Shifts In Mood

Emotionally unstable people are prone to experiencing mood swings. But not just your run-of-the-mill mood swings; full-blown going from an extreme to another in a split second.

While all people get moody sometimes, it can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions for those who are emotionally unstable. They can get triggered by any little thing. A weird look from someone might set them off quickly. Sometimes it’s because they interpret something wrong, and they can get affected.

They can go from laughing and smiling to in a puddle of tears in a few minutes. And because they mostly experience extremes or numbness, the swing is quite visible. This greatly affects their well-being, as they have to feel opposing emotions quickly. They might even give up and go into states that some would describe as psychotic in some cases. This can shock the people around them. But it’s important to understand that you shouldn’t be afraid of the people battling this. Emotional instability is an enormous burden, and these mood swings are common.

If you see someone going through rapidly changing moods, be there to support them. Don’t get weirded out, don’t judge the person, and certainly don’t leave. Try to stay there and offer your emotional support. Get them what they need to calm down. In some cases, medication might help to keep them at a baseline. And if that’s not enough, therapy sessions might be a good try.

3. They Have Unstable Or Shallow Relationships

In many cases, emotional instability develops due to a lack of parental nurturing during a child’s early years. This can be neglect, abandonment, abuse, and more. It is because of this that they have unstable and shallow relationships later in life.

Emotionally unstable people are afraid they will be abandoned. Whether it is because of trauma, or other factors, that fear is real, making them shut themselves off. Additionally, they have to struggle with having a poor self-image. All of these factors create toxic behaviors.

Emotionally unstable people are known for being low on empathy. Their feelings are so much to handle that they must shut themselves off from feeling more. The fact that they have a poor self-image also makes them project their insecurities on others. Because they mostly feel extremes or nothing, most relationships they have are shallow. They are indifferent about those people and probably hang out with them because it benefits them somehow.

Emotionally Unstable People Have Instability

In the cases when the relationships aren’t shallow, they are very unstable. Because they’re afraid of being abandoned and isolated, they can desperately cling to certain people. They tend to idealize people and hold them to unattainable expectations. They are terrified of rejection, so they will cling to you for dear life. Because of their instability, they swing between admiring and denigrating people. And anything can set them off. They are so easily hurt or insulted that one wrong step might make them mad. This is why relationships can become very rocky. If you’re in a romantic relationship with an unstable person, don’t be surprised to break up and make-up often.

If you notice any signs, try to have their best interest at heart. Your relationship might be shallow and unstable, but they might still need you to guide and help them. Be close to them, but not too tight. If you see that they start to idealize you, pull back. If they don’t get the treatment, they won’t be in the right place to have serious relationships.

4. They Run From Their Problems

As a result of low self-esteem and inability to control their feelings, emotionally unstable people tend to run away from their problems. They fear commitment and responsibility, so they often decide to detach from any promises they make.

If they have to fix something in the house, they procrastinate as long as possible. They don’t care about everything being in order, and sometimes they don’t have the energy to fix everything. Their whole lives are so chaotic that they don’t know how to escape them. And they keep putting themselves in new, more chaotic situations.

Sometimes they don’t even acknowledge they have an issue and don’t listen to anyone trying to help them. If you suggest they change something, maybe get their finances sorted out, they’ll freak out and think you’re looking down on them. This, coupled with low empathy, makes them refuse to admit that they must deal with certain things.

If you’re dealing with someone like this, try offering them a helping hand rather than pointing out their flaws. Boost their morale, don’t just go around judging them.

Final Thoughts On Subtle Traits Of Emotionally Unstable People (And Ways To Fix It)

Having to deal with emotional instability can be maddening. So, if you know a person dealing with this, all you can do is be there for them to offer emotional support.

They have to deal with so much daily, from mood swings to acting weird, and running from their problems. They go from one emotional extreme to the other in a split second. In severe cases, this can even become a personality disorder. As a friend, you can be supportive and help them calm down when they’re feeling suffocated by their emotions. You can suggest they go to therapy and try CBT or medication if things worsen.

5 Signs That Reveal If Your Loved Ones Value You

June 4, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever wanted to have a way to tell if the people you love think the same about you? Do you have a hard time understanding your value and need to know if others value you? Would you like to know how to act if you find out someone doesn’t appreciate you?

Relationships with loved ones are full of beautiful moments, but they can also be exhausting. Sometimes people don’t know how to reach out and ask if friends and family value them. They are stuck wondering without getting a straight answer. It can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity that eat at you for a long time. If you have trouble knowing whether or not you are valued, it’s best to know some signs.

Five Signs That Your Loved Ones Value You

Look for these signs that indicate someone treasures your heart.

1. Loved Ones Who Treasure You Will Listen to You

Communication is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. Whether that relationship is with family, a friend, or romantic, listening and being listened to are very important.

When someone listens to you, they show you that they value what you have to say. They want to know your opinion or what you are dealing with so that they can help you. And there is a big difference between listening just because you have to and actively listening. Someone who doesn’t value you will pretend to listen or nod from time to time, and that’s about it. They will brush you off and make the conversation all about them.

But someone who genuinely cares will give you their undivided attention when you want to talk. They will ask questions, give you their advice if you ask for it, and remember what you said in case it will be relevant later.

If you need to vent, they will let you. If you need help, they will try to guide you. While they won’t remember every detail of what you discussed, they will know about the things that matter to you the most. Sure, they might forget some one-off comment, but they will remember what your opinions, likes, and dislikes are.

Not only do they know how to listen, but they can adequately communicate with you. You can be sure you have a strong bond if you don’t feel weird telling them about something they do that bothers you. They can talk about whatever, without things ever getting awkward. They listen to your side, and only when you’re done do they share their opinion. They’re capable of making compromises if needed.

2. They Make You Feel Safe

Everyone knows that you can only have a healthy relationship if the people in the relationship make each other feel safe.

People generally know that someone who values you won’t be physically aggressive towards you. When someone gets so mad that they hit you or ruin your stuff, sometimes even this side is overlooked. Some people were raised in an environment where parents hitting their kids is normalized.

Others have had to deal with other types of domestic abuse. If you have been through trauma like this, know that someone physically aggressive towards you doesn’t value you. The same can be said about people that destroy your belongings. And if you’re in a delicate situation, let a friend know or contact authorities.

But the part that is even more normalized is the psychological abuse. Maybe a loved one is trying to pressure you into doing something. They might gaslight you, make you think you did things that you didn’t do. And there are other forms of psychological abuse. Whatever someone does that makes you feel unsafe, that’s an unjust attitude towards you.

The people who genuinely value you will make you feel safe. They won’t try to control your life, make decisions for you, or cut you off from social support. You can get to express your opinions and desires freely. For example, if you want to go out without them, they won’t make a scene over it. You can trust each other and count on each other to be there when needed.

3. Loved Ones Accept You Instead Of Trying To Change You

Most people have mixed opinions about what acceptance means. For some, it means leaving someone to their own devices without any interference. To others, it means guidance and advice. Some people don’t understand the concept and try to change the people around them.

The best way to describe acceptance is by acknowledging that someone is the way they are at a particular moment. It doesn’t mean you support them no matter what they do. And you can certainly wish to help them change certain things. So, if that’s not how your loved ones act towards you, it means they don’t value you as well as they should.

When a person accepts you, they will offer you guidance and constructive criticism. They aim to help you become a better version of yourself. They won’t try to control you or pressure you into acting in specific ways. You won’t have to deal with injunctions like “if you don’t change, I’m going to leave you.”

An accepting person will recognize that you are your person, and you have the right to do whatever you want to. They will support you when you want to pursue the best path for yourself. Of course, they won’t help you in doing things that could destroy your life. But if you want to move towns in pursuit of your dream career, they will back you. If you are working towards a promotion, they will help you. And if they see you going astray, they will try to get you back on the right path.

If you feel that your friends and family have this attitude towards you, you can be sure they value you.

4. They Pay Attention To The Details

This might not seem vital for a relationship, but paying attention to the details shows that people care about who you are.

The more details someone knows about you, the more they think about you. And someone who thinks about you respects you. It shows that not only do they listen when you talk, but they go a step further. They make a conscious effort to remember the little things. If you ever go to a coffee shop with someone, and they know how to place your favorite order, that’s a sign they value you.

They make an effort to ask about you. They want to know what you like and dislike so that they can use that information in the future. If they know you don’t like a particular food, they won’t make it at a gathering. They check up on you often to see if you’re alright or if you need something.

If you have a friend or relative who doesn’t do these things, that signifies they don’t value you. If you are vegan, but at a family dinner, they do not offer vegan-friendly alternatives, which shows they ignore your needs.

5. Your Loved Ones Keep Their Promises

Someone who values and respects you will make an effort to keep their promises no matter what. If your loved ones always show up when you need them to, you know they care deeply.

People tend to be selfish in life, and that’s understandable. But if they become selfish in relationships, that can become a problem. But you need to understand that people don’t need to make promises if they can’t keep them. If they make them and back out on them once, that’s excusable. But if that happens repeatedly, it shows a blatant disregard towards you.

A person who values you will try their best to make promises only when they know they can keep them. They don’t offer lame excuses to back out of a commitment. If you need their help, they will be there for you. This shows that they reciprocate the effort you put into the relationship.

People who care will give just as much as they get. They match their words with actions. They won’t just give the illusion that they are there for you. Indeed, they will proactively do things. If they promise they’ll show up to an important event, they’ll be there. They won’t make up excuses last minute to get off the hook.

What To Do If Loved Ones Don’t Value You

Two reasons explain why certain people don’t value you. Either you do things that force them to lose respect, or they don’t care about you.

If you’re in the first scenario, where your actions have forced their hand, you need to make an effort to fix the situation. You need to understand what the problem is, what you have done to hurt them. Maybe you don’t offer them the support they need. Perhaps you are a terrible influence. Whatever it might be, you need to find the root cause. One way to do that is to have a conversation with them and take constructive criticisms. Make concessions when needed.

If you’re in the second scenario, that gets a bit more complicated. Therapist Jenny Walkers say that if you feel you need to walk on eggshells around someone, they don’t value you as they should. These people don’t make you feel seen or heard, to the point where they might interrupt you often or ignore you. They don’t value mutuality, don’t show up when you need them to, and they might be abusive. If that’s the case, you need to distance yourself from that person. Let them go if they don’t deserve you. Don’t justify their behaviors, don’t overcompensate, and don’t stay for the wrong reasons.

Final Thoughts On How To Find Out if Your Loved Ones Value You (And What To Do If They Don’t)

It’s important to be valued in every relationship you have. It would help if you felt that others care and respect you. The main sign that indicates people value you is if they put real effort into the relationship. If they listen, communicate, make you feel safe, and keep their promises, that shows you they are genuine.

If you know someone who criticizes you, that indicates they don’t value you the way they should. Those people don’t deserve you, and your best bet is to distance yourself from them as soon as possible.

5 Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

June 4, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever considered that what’s holding you back from being confident are excuses? That your brain is the one keeping you back? What can you do to get over the fears and nurture your confidence?

It can be hard to be confident when it feels like everyone is judging you at all times. Or when it feels like, no matter what you do, it’s not enough. But all these feelings that stop you from believing in yourself are excuses more than anything else. Is there a way in which you can stop making excuses and start feeling confident?

What Is Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence is the way someone relates to their skills and abilities. It involves acceptance of your true sense while having a sense of control over your life. You have to trust yourself and know your strengths and weaknesses. Self-confident people set realistic standards for themselves, communicate effectively, and can handle criticism well.

People who are trying to build confidence know that they need to take everything step-by-step. Their accomplishments need to be long-lasting. Any new skill you learn, or any setback you overcome, will make you trust yourself a little more. It’s very easy to lose your confidence and a titanic effort to get it back.

Confidence can give people the coping methods to handle failure. Not only that, but it can make you less self-centered. This might seem counterintuitive, but the less you worry about how others see you, the more time you have to be selfless. When you get out of your head, you can engage and socialize genuinely.

5 Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

Self-confidence is an important quality that can motivate people in any circumstance of their life. Every person wants to become more confident. But what someone wants consciously doesn’t always coincide with what their subconscious does. Sometimes, your brain might put up barriers between you and your goals. And, sometimes people use these barriers as excuses. How can someone stop making these excuses and focusing on self-growth?

1. Feeling Unworthy

Feeling unworthy itself is not an excuse but a real issue that people struggle with. But wallowing in it might become an excuse. When people do this to get attention, that’s when it stands in the way of personal development.

When people feel down, they reject their value. It can be too hard for them to grasp that, no matter what others say, they are enough. Society puts too much pressure on people to be and act in specific ways. And when they don’t, they have to endure consequences. This can induce fear, and it can make people wary of trying new things.

Whenever people feel unworthy, they start to doubt their intelligence and strength. You think there’s no way it’s alright to be different. If you can’t do something, you think it’s definitely because you’re not smart enough or good enough. You start counting failures and measuring mistakes. Maybe the first failure is somewhat acceptable. Let’s say the second one is too. But the more you fail, the more you beat yourself down. And if those feelings are left unattended, you might start wallowing in self-pity.

When you don’t trust yourself enough, you might get comfort from other people complimenting you. The more you express that you feel unworthy, the more you can gather pity from others. When people pity you, they cut you some slack.

They act kinder, and they lend you a hand when needed; they compliment you. This emotional comfort can make you use the fact that you feel unworthy as an excuse. If you tell yourself that you are hurting too much to have the energy to work on yourself. You use this excuse repeatedly until it gets too hard to embark on the path of self-growth.

If you start noticing signs that you beat yourself down over every little mistake, be aware that you might be developing unhealthy habits. Don’t allow yourself to start being too harsh on yourself, and don’t give up on feeling confident.

2. Worrying About What Other People Think Can Hinder Feeling Confident

Social standards are harsh on everyone, no matter how “perfect” you might be. But they’re tough on the people who struggle with feeling confident. Having to live by some standards imposed by others makes you obsess about what they think. And the more you worry over that, the harder it will be to manage.

When you constantly worry about how you appear to others, you can risk tying your value to social expectations rather than your happiness. Instead of focusing on being content with who you are, you focus on how others might perceive you. This mindset doesn’t allow for growth, as whatever you change about you will be forced. You won’t change because you want to or understand you should, but because you want to uphold a specific image.

As you try to be as society expects you to be, you will force yourself to be conventional. On the way, you’ll forget that there’s nothing wrong with being unconventional. If you suppress who you are, you might become someone you’re not. At that point, your self-esteem will plummet as everything “good” about you is fake.

The burden of upholding a fake persona is a lot to handle. You might start using the fact that you always worry about your image as an excuse to refuse to work on self-growth. You might be content with superficially working on yourself, and that will distract you from digging deeper.

When you let go of social expectations and start to value your own needs and wants, you can start working on deeper issues. That can result in you becoming more confident.

3. Self-Defeating Assumptions

Too often, people make assumptions about things before even trying them. Without knowing if you have the necessary skills or not, you assume the worst. That makes people give up before they even start.

Self-defeating assumptions can look like “I can’t do this; I can’t do that.” It is a confidence destroyer, as it disallows you from focusing on specific goals. Even the most skilled people might get rattled by a misstep and lose all trust in themselves. Once an athlete gets injured, they might never psychologically recover, even if they heal physically. This might look like talented people giving up their dreams because they start believing they aren’t fit for the job.

Assumptions might make you afraid to dedicate yourself to a goal, as you believe the only possible outcome is a failure. Alternatively, you might set goals that are too big or too distant just because you know you can put those off. Some people risk claiming victory too soon, as they are afraid to keep pursuing a goal.

Some people assume that if they try something, they will fail or they will suffer grave consequences. A woman might not go for a management position in a big company because she is afraid she won’t be accepted by a board filled with men.

There are many examples where self-defeating assumptions can ruin your self-esteem. But this fear it makes you feel will be your excuse to stop trying altogether. If you notice that you are keeping yourself from pursuing your dreams, try to stop this before it goes too far.

4. You Compare Yourself To Others, You May Lack Feeling Confident

While it’s good to have role models, it’s not so good to compare yourself to others. It would help if you didn’t focus on the fact that someone is better than you in a particular area, but on how you can become better yourself. You should aspire to do more and look up to others for motivation, not beat yourself up because you aren’t there yet. Unfortunately, people who constantly compare themselves to others employ the latter strategy.

Two things can happen when you obsess with comparisons: you become envious of others’ successes or lose trust in yourself. While it is good to be self-critical and push yourself, you will never be able to do things exactly like someone else. And it would help if you didn’t want to. If you’re an artist, and you can’t recreate a technique, that shouldn’t be an issue. It would be best to focus on what you can do best instead of forcing yourself to be something you’re not.

The comparison makes you shift your attention from your growth. Instead of focusing on how to harness your strengths, you’ll be busy watching others and worrying about how they see you. Not only is it a distraction, but it’s terrible for your self-esteem. You won’t be able to feel confident if you see someone doing something better than you. Don’t always try to be better than others. Instead, be better than you were yesterday.

5. You Depend On Reassurance

One of the most significant ways people create the illusion that everything is alright is by seeking constant reassurance. Instead of working on their flaws, they depend on others to tell them they’re perfect just the way they are. While it’s essential to have people who support you around you, you shouldn’t want them to sugarcoat what they say.

A big part of having confidence is going through hard times, even if you’re alone. Reassurance in doses can do wonders for people who feel a little lost. But when you start depending on it, it creates a façade of safety. You don’t face your flaws and fears because you keep yourself shielded.

Reassurance is a thing that can help you feel better for a short period. But in the long run, confidence and self-trust will get you through tough times. Try to let go of the need to have someone pushing you from behind. Instead, work on being able to stand on your own.

Final Thoughts On Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

It’s hard to feel confident every second of every day. Some days might be better. Conversely, some might be worse when it comes to how much faith you have in yourself. Confidence is an ongoing journey; you should never stop working on growth and happiness.

On your journey, you must be aware of many obstacles. And you are going to find many excuses to give up. As long as you are aware of those excuses, you can try to avoid them and keep working on feeling confident.

5 False Beliefs About Marriage

June 4, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

False beliefs about marriage permeate relationships across the globe. It’s no surprise with how much it’s romanticized and falsely presented in pop culture and fiction! There’s a huge tendency for people to mismanage marital issues based on those false beliefs. This situation creates more significant problems in the most common forms of conflict and setbacks.

Healthy marriages come in many forms and intricacies, but some facts are virtually universal. Unfortunately, these facts are the same that numerous inaccuracies have drowned out! If you fall for them, it could spell doom for your marriage. Here are five false beliefs about marriage, never to believe.

False Belief #1 – Reciprocity and Quid-Pro-Quo Are The Way To Go

Equality is a good concept to have in a marriage. But they often get taken too far due to false beliefs about reciprocity. Some people believe in strictly written contracts to follow, and many celebrities have talked about theirs. For others, there’s a general idea that some form of agreement about the division of relationship duties is necessary. That may be a verbal “contract” or something even less set in stone.

Of course, each spouse must do their fair share in their shared home and overall relationship. And of course, you should be giving each other affection and doing nice things for each other! But being too calculated about this “fairness” can lead to a marriage’s downfall.

This is because:

The desire to split something 50/50 is not possible. There will always be inaccuracies and inconsistencies, which breed resentment and contempt.
Keeping track of a contract causes couples to become calculated, even “keeping score” against each other. This goes to worse places than the simple healthy competition and becomes a passive-aggressive battle.
Contracts don’t involve compromise. Instead, they rely on hard and fast rules. In something as fluid and central as a marriage, that’s not an excellent structure. Things change, circumstances evolve, and the solution isn’t always divvying up but finding a different path altogether.
Quid-pro-quo in relationships can lead to arguments over whose turn it is. A perceived lack of equality can cause all agreements to go out the window.
Research shows that marriages that focus on reciprocity are ultimately less successful.

False Belief #2 – A Spouse Should Always Know What To Do To Make The Other Feel Better

One of the false beliefs prevalent in marriages is that spouses should “just know” the right thing to say or do. While some partners manage to achieve this difficult feat, most won’t – and that’s normal! No one is perfect, and couples can’t read the minds of each other.

Some partners believe that if they need to ask for affection or support, that support is inherently meaningless. This is a toxic and highly harmful thing to insist on. Communication is essential, and this concept goes against that at its core.

It’s true that, over time, you’ll get better at responding in the way your spouse needs. But that’s not a necessary part of any healthy or happy marriage. Above all else, partners need to be willing to talk about their feelings, needs and wants. And, conversely, partners should also be willing to do what they can to help as asked, with compromises always possible.

False Belief #3 – Marital Therapy Is Only For Broken Marriages

People often see the act of utilizing marital therapy as a sure sign that a marriage is crumbling. Marriage counseling is so stigmatized! There are ongoing false beliefs that if you’re seeking help, everything’s as good as over, and divorce is sure to come. It’s even worse if you try to seek therapy early on in a relationship! People will tell you that you’re not meant to be.

But the truth is that there’s nothing wrong with seeking therapy, even when your relationship is pretty healthy. Regularly going to counseling together can even prevent divorce. Studies have shown that, on average, most couples will wait six years before seeking professional help for marital issues. They don’t realize that things are that serious until it’s too late.

Even with no significant marital problems, you can benefit tremendously from marriage therapy. The entire point of treatment of any kind is to give you the tools you need to manage future issues positively. This means that marital therapy in a happy relationship can:

· Improve Communication

They say that communication is the key to any good relationship, and it’s true! Couples therapy can help partners sort out miscommunications and learn tools to avoid or handle them in the future. Encouraging both parties to open up can also end a dangerous lack of communication. The tools you can learn for healthy discussion will ensure a long-lasting, happy marriage. You’ll be able to resolve conflict better, both in and out of therapy.

· Help Each Other See Perspective

It’s natural to see things from your perspective first and foremost. Though you try to put yourself into the shoes of others, even the most empathic people need a little help in seeing other views! Marital therapy lets you and your spouse hear each other’s perspectives on different issues and experiences. Both parties may feel more comfortable expressing themselves in an unbiased and welcoming setting. Your counselor will also teach you tools that will allow you to see each other’s viewpoints without therapy.

· Help You Set Goals Together

All marriages need a few goals and priorities set. You can do them yourself, but any ideas you shouldn’t get help with are false beliefs. Doing these goals with professional assistance can bring tons of benefits. You’ll be able to be completely honest and host productive discussions in a safe environment. Your therapist can also offer guidance based on their knowledge and professional experience to help you set better goals. Continued counseling can ensure both stay on track for those priorities and dreams.

False Belief #4 – You Must Have Shared Interests For A Happy Marriage

If you’ve ever used a dating service, you’ll know that filling out your interests is pretty standard in finding a suitable partner. People often want to date people with whom they can share things, which is not necessarily bad. But is it crucial? Absolutely not!

The belief that you must like the same things is one of the most prevalent marital false beliefs. In fact, the Pew Research Center found that 64% of people believe that shared interests are crucial for their marriages. This ranked higher than the importance of shared political views and a satisfying intimate life!

There seems to be a belief that those who don’t share interests will have a wedge driven between them. The truth is that any activity can do that, and so can any difference in opinion or preference. A strong marriage between two individuals who love each other won’t allow such a wedge to be hammered in!

It doesn’t matter if you have a lot of shared interests, a few, or none at all. What matters is that you both:

Please respect each other’s interests and don’t belittle or make fun of them.
Are happy to listen to your spouse speak about their interests.
Make time for quality time together, even if it can’t involve your respective interests.
Seek to necessarily “change” the interests of the other beyond simple introductory attempts.
Are willing to compromise or take turns on activities done together.
Avoid false beliefs about each other’s interests to the point where deception and falsehoods are involved.

False Belief #5 – Having Kids Will Bring Spouses Closer Together And Save A Marriage

Many couples decide to have children for the sake of their marriage. But this is another one of the dangerous false beliefs about marriage never to believe. Having children can deepen a couple’s empathy and understanding for each other. It can further enhance intimacy and closeness and lead to deeper bonding. You’ll become wiser and expand your horizons. But that’s only in a relationship that’s already healthy.

If you want to fix or save a marriage, having children is not the way to go. Parenthood can reveal many hidden issues, even in happy relationships. Naturally, for a marriage in trouble, that’ll be even worse, and it can feel like it’s all coming out of nowhere! Here are some reasons having children to save a marriage doesn’t work:

· Differences In Parenting Style

If you’re already dealing with a lot of marital conflicts, having kids will worsen that. You must find ways to agree on various aspects of raising and caring for a child. Each parent’s protectiveness over the kids will make these brutal battles to fight without pre-existing healthy communication.

· Jealousy

Children don’t always show affection to both parents in the same way. At a very young age, they may strongly prefer receiving support from one parent. Spouses may feel jealous of this and lash out if they already have prior issues in the relationship. This breeds resentment and unhealthy competition, which creates a toxic family environment.

· You Don’t Have Time

Healing a marriage requires time and effort from all parties. This won’t be possible when you have young children! Kids are a real handful and need so much supervision and care. Your lives will get increasingly hectic, and you’ll barely have time for yourself, let alone each other. This causes problems and issues to sit and stew as you avoid them, which will blow up later.

· You’re More Emotionally Fraught

Having children is stressful. If you’re stressed out due to marital issues, kids will only worsen that. You’ll be snappier, irritable, and less willing to discuss things. You’ll be running on empty a lot, leaving you with no bandwidth to manage pre-existing conflicts and problems.

Final Thoughts On Some False Beliefs About Marriage To Never Believe

For something so romanticized, marriage sure can be tricky! False beliefs about marriage only make matters worse. They can lead to disappointment, toxicity, and an unhealthy relationship. By separating myth from fact, you and your partner will be able to better manage future marital issues with mindfulness and care.

3 Effective Ways To Make Better Choices In Life

June 3, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Life is full of decisions that have to be made. Many have trouble making better choices, especially when a lot is at stake.

You might have made your fair share of less-than-ideal choices in the past. This track record could make you worried about committing more errors in the future. But you don’t have to be held up by this anxiety and fear, and you have the power to make good decisions continually. Here are three practical ways to make better choices in life.

1. Frame Your Dilemmas So You Can Make Better Choices Intelligently

The way you think about and look at choices in your life determines whether or not you make good decisions. Without proper intelligent and mindful framing, you wind up falling victim to various biases and a lack of critical thinking. To make better choices, you should frame your dilemmas in the following ways:

· Outline Your Choices

Suppose you want to make better choices. One of the first things you need is to understand your options thoroughly. That’s why you should always correctly outline your preferences before you begin pondering them. It’s helpful to write or type this out so you can better process it. Start by noting what choice you’re trying to make, your motivation for it, and how each option can fulfill the overall decision’s requirements.

· Consider Various Different Choices

There are always multiple options to every single dilemma. Rarely is it truly a fork in the road. Instead, it is a path that branches into numerous different sub-branches and beyond! You shouldn’t compare every single possible choice under the sun, but you should have more than one or two in mind. This consideration gives you the chance to flex your thinking skills and consider a range of options that may have been previously not considered.

· Reframe Your Mind To Make Better Choices

The framing effect is potent in determining human decisions. The way you present the same information can dramatically change how it is received. For example, this is why 10% fat milk is marketed as 90% fat-free. It’s also why you’d be more likely to gamble, for instance, if something were advertised as “Keep $30!” than “Lose $20”. That’s what research says, having performed that same experiment! This means that changing the language, you use to describe your different options can dramatically alter how you view them. Practice reframing other choices in ways that sound better and worse to you, so you get a full scope of its pros and cons.

· Play Devil’s Advocate

Playing devil’s advocate against yourself sounds silly, but it’s essential in fighting confirmation bias. People naturally seek information that will confirm what they already believe or want, often twisting that information to fit their desired outcome. Studies show that even those who don’t want to do this still can do it accidentally! Playing devil’s advocate allows you to fight this bias and seek out genuine facts, interpreting them correctly to inform your decision. Reframe your choices by putting yourself in the shoes of someone with a different mindset from you. Would you still feel the same way, or can the input be interpreted a different way?

· Consider Risk And Reward

The more familiar you are with a particular path, the more comfortable you’re likely to feel in it. While this is a good thing, it can also cause you to become uncomfortable with taking any risks. But making the best choices doesn’t always involve doing the least risky something! Sometimes, the potential rewards can be worth a moderate risk. Reframe risky options based on their reward, and don’t let fear of those risks cloud your judgment!

· Don’t Overload On Options

It sounds like a good idea to collect as many options and choice possibilities as you can. But this is counterproductive when it comes to making better decisions. The human brain naturally makes decisions based on the information that it received last. Plus, too much to consider can lead to heightened decision paralysis as you’ll have trouble deciding between them. So prioritize essential details and use that to narrow down choices quickly before you stop to ponder the last few most ideal options.

2. Take Your Emotions Into Account To Make Better Choices

People often falsely believe that emotions shouldn’t factor into making better choices at all. There’s a mistaken idea that decision-making must inherently involve nothing but pure logic.

But the fact is that human beings aren’t robots! They have feelings and instincts that aren’t easy to rationalize without accepting the nature of emotion. To deny your feelings is to deny reality, and you can’t separate yourself from them. Studies show that your feelings play a huge role in making decisions, whether you want them to or not. Trying to stick to logic alone leaves you susceptible to the influences of subconscious feelings.

If you were to take your emotions into account from the start, you could treat them as informational factors to consider. This takes power away from them, so they don’t secretly pull your strings. It also grants you insight into things you may not have thought about prior. Here’s how to do this to make better choices:

· Label Your Feelings

When you feel a variety of different emotions relating to decision-making, identify each one. This will allow you to understand how you think and whether or not these feelings should be driving your decision-making at all. For example, if you’ve been feeling like passing up an opportunity, you need to stop and consider why.

Is it because of anxiety? That innate anxiety could be driving a confirmation bias and may have framed the choice in a certain way to prove it. Or perhaps that anxiety is for a good cause – is there a factor you’ve ignored that could make this a bad idea? If you miss the emotion without labeling it, you’ll never know!

· Wait Till Your Emotions Aren’t High

When possible, an ideal way to make better choices is by ensuring you’re of a clear head and relatively stable emotional state. This is because high emotions can dramatically influence how you process input and make choices, according to studies. So if you’re currently stressed out, have just received bad news or good news, or are excited about something, take a bit of a brother. Just sleeping on a decision can allow you access to a much clearer head and more beneficial way of thinking.

· Trust Your Gut When Necessary

Your gut instincts trigger emotional responses. For example, when you get a bad feeling about something, you might become anxious or uncomfortable. Or when you have a good feeling, you may become eager. While instincts shouldn’t be the only thing that drives better choices in life, the fact is that you rely on them all the time!

Most human beings automatically make judgments about the world around them as part of their daily survival instinct. So if you have to make a fast decision and can’t take any time to properly consider your options, trust your gut. It’s emotional, but it can be trusted for the most part.

Anyway, studies show that the difference between stewing over the same information for one millisecond and several minutes is pretty much indistinct. So instead of wasting your time chewing your nails in nervousness, go with your instincts when you have no time!

3. Learn From Your Past Events to Make Better Choices Now

You can’t know the outcome of any situation based on the choices you might make. You can only do your best to make choices well and hope for desirable results. But at the end of the day, one of the most significant factors in making better choices is learning from past decisions. What were their outcomes? How could you have done better? Was there anything you could have changed? Here’s how to keep learning, so you continue to make better and better choices:

· Reflect On Mistakes

When a decision turns out to be a mistake, take some time to reflect on it. Think about the choices you made and your reasoning for them. What underlying factors motivated these choices? Was there any way to prevent this outcome? If so, what steps will you take to do so next time? If not, could that outcome have been better handled? And if this wasn’t something you had any control over, then remember that it’s not a mistake on your part. Don’t blame yourself for things that you had no hand in!

· Make Better Choices By Evaluating Past Errors

It’s good practice to spend ten or fifteen minutes at the end of each day reviewing the choices you made throughout it. This encourages a regular habit of reflection. Congratulate yourself over good decisions and consider how to continue making choices like that. Reflect on poor decisions and consider how to do better next time. Don’t spend too long on these reviews, however. Ruminating over past events isn’t healthy. Take the valuable knowledge and information you need and move on.

· Don’t Cry Over Spilt Milk

The goal of learning from past choices is to move on wiser and more decisive. If you dwell on them for too long, you risk further worsening your future decisions. For example, if you made a mistake, you might make several more mistakes in the hopes of making up for the first. Or you may fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy, where you’ve spent so long in a wrong decision that you’re reluctant to get out of it. But these past issues don’t define you and shouldn’t continue to hold sway over you beyond informing your growth. Keep moving forward.

· Empower Yourself To Make Better Choices

Self-compassion and self-esteem play a central role in continual learning and growth, say studies. You have to be able to forgive yourself for previous mistakes to learn from them well. It would help if you were reasonable with your expectations to avoid gunning for something unattainable in decision-making. You must be open-minded and non-judgmental to listen to your emotions and experiences and work with them. You have to have the necessary confidence to be willing to stand by decisions and stride forward while trusting your capability to adapt to future issues. Learning to be kind to yourself facilitates learning!

Final Thoughts On Some Effective Ways To Make Better Choices In Life

The easy and challenging decisions you face in everyday life are opportunities to learn, grow, and do better next time. So frame your decisions intelligently, take your emotions into account, and continually learn from the past with confidence and self-compassion. If you do so, you’ll make better choices in life.

10 Things About an Introverted Person An Extrovert Won’t Understand

June 3, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Introverts and extroverts can seem a world apart. To an extrovert, an introvert can seem confusing, especially with all their solitude and quietness. Since introverts keep to themselves, extroverts might not have the chance to know what their friend is thinking.

Meanwhile, introverts are getting pretty tired of being misunderstood by those who are more outgoing and social than them! Here are ten things about an introverted person an extrovert won’t understand.

1. An Introverted Person Needs Alone Time, But It Is Not Personal

If someone were to define the term extrovert, they might say that person charges their batteries through social activity. For an introverted person, it’s simply the opposite: they get energy from being by themselves. The longer they spend socializing, the more their social batteries drain. To recharge their batteries, they have to spend time by themself.

This need has absolutely nothing to do with the people around them. It’s a personal need that they need to attend to. If they don’t spend time alone, they’ll become fatigued and won’t feel like themselves anymore. Unfortunately, not everyone is very accepting of that behavior! Studies have shown that it’s not uncommon for extroverts to look at introverts and assume that they’re:

Anxious
Depressed
Angry
Irritated
Upset
Sullen or sulky
Rude
Dismissive

In reality, the introvert in question wants some time to pick themselves back up. It can be hurtful for an introvert to be accused of negative emotion and intent simply because they need solitude!

2. They Like To Keep Their Best Stuff To Themselves

An introverted person doesn’t have much of a desire to show off their best qualities. They’re okay not being particularly noticed unless they need to step up. An introvert may feel that only certain people are worth baring themselves entirely for.

Extroverts often showcase a lot about themselves to the world. Of course, as all people do, they have lots of depth, but they’re more willing to reveal their deeper layers. This means it can be hard for them to understand why an introvert won’t do the same.

Introverts need proof that a relationship is meaningful before they divest themselves of layers. They also may find power in keeping their best traits hidden, allowing them to take others by surprise. This is especially true in environments like a workplace or school.

3. An Introverted Person Needs Their Personal Bubble

Everyone has a “bubble” of personal space. When this space is intruded upon, it can be jarring and uncomfortable. Extroverts may be able to lower this bubble quickly when necessary. This lets them dole out hugs to near-strangers or feel comfortable in a tightly packed environment.

An introverted person isn’t able to lower this bubble as quickly. They need their personal space and can become very drained when they don’t get to have it. This is also why they tend not to like crowded parties. Sometimes it’s not just about the social aspect, but about the space they need.

An introvert’s preferred forms of showing affection tend to happen from a distance. Pay attention, and you’ll see them!

4. They Don’t Always Want To Be Alone

The standard depiction of an introverted person involves a lonely person barely leaving their room. That’s not at all an accurate portrayal of a true introvert! Studies show that introverts have plenty of meaningful relationships with others. They’re more than happy to devote their time and attention to those bonds!

Almost no one wants to be alone all of the time. Extroverts will do well to remember that introverts are people, too – just with different social priorities! An introvert needs more “me time” than an extrovert, but they still have typical social desires.

5. An Introverted Person Is Not Necessarily Shy

A lot of extroverts believe that an introvert is automatically a shy person. But that’s not the case! There is a vast difference between these traits. For comparison:

A shy person may be apprehensive or nervous about talking to others. On the other hand, an introvert wants to get to know someone more closely before engaging in more conversation with them.
A shy person may be quiet due to their shyness and apprehension. On the other hand, introverts are silent because they don’t enjoy small talk and want to think well before they speak.
A shy person may also experience symptoms of social anxiety or have difficulty in social situations. Conversely, an introvert can thrive in a social setting, only craving solitude due to tiredness.
A shy person may want to engage with others more but lack confidence. However, those who tend towards introversion are naturally more inward-turning and reserved and don’t desire to engage more.

It’s true that some introverted people experience social anxiety or are shy. They’re not mutually exclusive experiences. But extroverts should take care not to conflate the two!

6. They Crave Intellectual and Emotional Depth

Introverts notoriously dislike small talk, superficial people, and things with little substantial meaning. They’re naturally deep thinkers and enjoy the process of learning.

More than anything else, introverts want to be genuinely and deeply seen by those who matter. They want to connect to people on a deeper level. But they’re also acutely aware that many people in the world won’t try to see beneath their exterior. Plus, given their limited social energy, they can be somewhat picky about who they want to bond with.

This is why introverts are happy to continue their quiet, reserved behavior. The right person to befriend or pursue will not dismiss them simply because of their silence. That person will patiently take the time and effort to forge a connection. That’s when an introvert knows something meaningful is beginning to form – and then they’re all in.

7. There’s Always Something Behind The Scenes.

An introvert’s silence isn’t a sign of low intelligence. In fact, it’s quite the contrary! Many of these folks are very reflective and like deep thinking. They don’t see the point in airing their thoughts, though. They want only to speak meaningful things and not to be judged for their less well-defined thoughts.

Essentially, an introverted person’s gears are always turning. They’re working overtime to collect information and form ideas from them. This isn’t to say that introverts are calculated or cold. They like to keep their brain heavily occupied as much as possible!

8. They Have A Lot Of Fun

Extroverts have fun by being social. They might even think introverts need to learn to have fun and let loose. But introverts do have fun, and they’re often lots of fun to hang out with.

Sure, introverts are quiet in rowdy, crowded, and high-energy social environments. This is because the five senses are the best friends of the introvert, meaning that they have fun through observation. Research suggests that this means introverts:

Like listening to information and reflecting on that.
Enjoy sitting back, relaxing, and observing various environments.
Love being a witness to fun shenanigans.
Make people feel welcome by being empathetic and interested in receiving information.

Of course, to an extrovert, that can sound pretty boring. One has to accept that both sides of the spectrum like to have fun in different ways!

9. Introverted People Don’t Hate Others

For some reason, some extroverts have the idea that introverts hate people. Sure, extroverts can acknowledge that an introverted person will have a few close friends who matter. But there’s also this idea that introverts only want to be around “their people” and heavily dislike humankind as a whole.

This is a really silly way to look at introverts–they aren’t unfriendly by nature. Research shows that people of this personality type:

They are highly interested in other people.
Enjoy deep and meaningful conversations with others.
Will open up and talk happily in a space where they feel safe.

Basically, if extroverts give introverts a chance, they’ll see just how vibrant and compassionate the “quiet ones” can be!

10. Demanding That They Change Will Dull Their Shine

A lot of introverts find that people view their behavior as something that must be fixed. Throughout their lives, various people may have forced them to act more like an extrovert. This pressure can come from teachers, parents, bosses, friends, bullies, and different authority figures.

These actions stem from a misunderstanding of what introverts are. They hear they should “get over” their quietness, which is mistaken for social anxiety, shyness, and agoraphobia. Of course, as we’ve already covered, those things aren’t automatically synonymous with introversion. It’s not possible for these folks to completely subvert this vital facet of themselves!

Being treated this way can be damaging to an introverted person. They may lose interest in the field where this pressure exists. They might perform poorly due to being discouraged or having trouble acting as instructed. All-in-all, telling a person to change the core of who they are is unhealthy!

Extroverts who don’t quite understand introverts should try their best to avoid demanding this change from introverts.

How Extroverts Can Be More Understanding

It can be helpful for extroverts to remember:

An introverted person’s strengths shine most when they aren’t being pressured.
It’s simply rude to tell someone that they’re too quiet, too dull, or that they should speak more.
Severe problems like genuine social anxiety, extreme shyness, and agoraphobia are not random people’s business to comment on.
Being patient with your introspective friend can be rewarding and you’ll see that you’re not so different after all.
If you want to hear introverts speak, you shouldn’t interrupt them in your excitement, as this may discourage them.
Introverts often want to think and need time to process things before speaking, and rushing them will hurt their confidence.
Telling an introverted person to “talk more” is akin to the research-noted act of telling an extroverted person to “stop talking.”

Final Thoughts On Some Things About An Introverted Person That Extroverts Won’t Understand

At the end of the day, you’re a human being first. Terms that dictate social preferences shouldn’t stop those on either side from treating each other respectfully. Extroverts don’t need to understand introverts to treat them with kindness and empathy, and vice versa!

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Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!