Bringing two different people together from diverse backgrounds in a marriage is a challenge. Though you love each other dearly, you will go through a roller coaster of events if you stay together long. There will be days when you can’t wait to see them, and there will be times when you want to be alone. Indeed, you will face times in which you must work hard to save your marriage.
It’s often the case that people take out their frustrations on the ones closest to them, and this is often your spouse. If you want to save your marriage, you need to make changes to ensure that you’re both happy together.
Every day around this country, people file to end their marriage for unreconcilable differences. The heartbreak from divorce is excruciating to bear, but you don’t have to be another statistic.
Fifteen Tips and Behaviors To Save Your Marriage
If you want to work on a troubled marriage, then you should know that it’s not going to be an instant fix. It didn’t take you months and years to get into this position, and it’s not going to resolve overnight either magically. Be patient with one another and have realistic expectations. Here are some tips and behaviors you should observe to save your marriage.
One of the biggest problems in any relationship is nitpicking over silly things. If you want to improve your marriage, you must first acknowledge your part in all this. You’re not perfect, and neither is your partner.
When you realize all your faults, it makes your spouse’s issues seem a little less trivial. It doesn’t excuse their issues, but this tactic helps divert your mind from them to focus on you.
2. Speak About the Issues That Bother You
If you have a bone of contention between you and your spouse, you need to discuss it. Nothing good comes from pushing problems under the rug. Do you remember all those times you ask your children to clean their room, and they cram stuff under the bed or in the closet?
What happens? You find the mess, tear it all out, and make them clean it right. The moral of this story is that you will eventually have to deal with the things you try to conceal, so don’t put off the inevitable.
3. Save Your Marriage by Thinking as “We” During Decision-Making
It’s hard to lose your sense of self when you become the other half of a relationship. However, it would help if you remembered that you’re not single while you maintain your individuality. You’re part of a couple, and you should act like one.
Before creating any plans, signing for significant purchases, or making life decisions, you must consider your spouse. Everything you say affects them, so give them the courtesy that you should find someone so interlinked with you.
4. Remind Yourself of All the Good Qualities
When things get really frustrating, you should stop dwelling on the negative and focus on the positive. What are the qualities that you love in your spouse? Are they an amazing cook, a beautiful singer, and a wonderful parent to your children?
When you begin to focus on the positive things and view them through optimistic lenses, it will change your entire attitude.
5. Try Dating Again to Save Your Marriage
When is the last time that you’ve been on a date? It shouldn’t be before your wedding. Shaunti Feldhahn is a relationship expert and motivational speaker, as well as an esteemed author.
She wrote a blog recently on the importance of dating after marriage. She states that it keeps things exciting and shows that you choose each other all over again. These dates don’t need to be extravagant or meticulously planned.
However, they shouldn’t be going to the grocery store or hanging out with people from down the block either. A date should be where your spouse gets your undivided attention.
6. Remember To Do the Little Things
If you want to save your marriage, you need to get back to the basics. It’s the little things that matter most. Try to do something each day to make your spouse smile.
These things can include letting their car warm-up, so they’re not cold when they go to work. Make your partner some coffee so they can have to take it with them. Also, making sure they have a nice meal and a great dessert is always welcomed.
You can make all the big gestures in the world, but the small things you do that show you love them are the ones that matter most.
7. Reconnect Physically to Save Your Marriage
Why is it that people stop connecting physically when they have a rift in their marriage? These are the times that you should connect even more. Every human being has physical needs that their partner should handle, and if you don’t take care of these needs, then many folks look elsewhere.
Try reconnecting on a physical level to bring back the magic. The power of touch is a fantastic thing, and it can be done outside the bedroom. Why not try grabbing their hand as they walk by or pulling them in for a friendly kiss before they leave for work?
Remember, connecting means touching on several occasions, not just during intimate acts.
Psychotherapy is always a good thing when you want to save your marriage. However, emotionally focused therapy is a bit different. According to Good Therapy, this is counseling that focuses on the adult love and bonding processes.
These sessions are done one-on-one, and it helps you deal with the emotions of the situation so that you can have healthier emotional contact with your spouse.
9. Reintroduce Humor
When’s the last time you and your spouse laughed together? Life can’t be all about work, children, and troubles. It would help if you had time to let your hair down and have fun.
If you haven’t busted a gut lately, it’s time to reintroduce humor. Laughter is fantastic for the soul, and it’s excellent healing medicine. According to the National Library of Medicine, laugher has many benefits for the physiological, psychological, social, and spiritual aspects of your life.
10. Practice Mirroring
Mirroring is a powerful tool that’s a practical part of communication. When your partner says something is bothering them, you need to repeat what they said back to them. This lets you understand what’s being said clearly, and you won’t leave out bits and pieces.
When you repeat something aloud, you’re allowing your brain to process the statement and not lean into your own understanding. Plus, it helps to validate what they’re saying.
11. Stop Talking About Divorce and Slow Down
One of the things that many couples are guilty of is threatening divorce when they get angry. Don’t be so quick to jump on the divorce train just because you’re upset. After a while, when you don’t leave, the veiled threats lose their clout.
If you want to save your marriage, stop talking about divorce and speak about resolutions. Recognize there’s a rift and step into action mode to fix things.
12. Treat Your Marriage Like a Living Breathing Entity
If you stop looking at your marriage as an object and viewing it as an entity, it will change your entire outlook. If you don’t give your pet food and water, it will die. The same can be said of your relationship.
Your spouse needs to be nurtured, loved, and have companionship from you. If you don’t put the work in to keep it alive, your union will perish.
13. Celebrate Together
Don’t let birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays go by without celebrating with one another. It would help if you got your spouse a cake or pie on their special day, and by all means, at least acknowledge the date.
Now, each couple has their way of doing things, and you don’t need to spend a ton of money to celebrate. However, they at least should have a verbal acknowledgment and a hand-made card or something to show them how special they are in your eyes.
14. Understand the Need for Space
There are times in a relationship when you both need space. Allow your spouse to go out with their friends, and you should do the same. It would help if you had time to spend apart, making the times you spend together even more special.
15. Tell Them You Love Them
If you want to save your marriage, you need to get back to the basics. Your spouse needs to know how much you love them. It would help if you never let a day go by without telling them how much you care.
When you say these three little words, make sure you mean it. Don’t just give them lip service, but tell them from your heart how you feel.
With so many marriages ending in divorce, many people don’t take the time or energy to work on things. What about the couples that make it 30, 40, or even 50 years together? How can they go the distance when so many others don’t even make it a few months?
The key is not to give up. You often want to throw in the towel and wave the white flag of surrender. Thankfully, you can save your marriage with some hard work and getting back to the basics of why you fell in love. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to do, and it’s up to you both if it’s worth saving.