Do you and your spouse have marriage problems? Marriage is the joining of two souls for eternity. What starts as a fairy tale is soon hit because being with someone 24/7 has many challenges.
The best partners stick together and don’t give up no matter what comes their way. Sadly, statistics show that 42-45 percent of all marriages end in divorce. Though the numbers seem staggering, it’s much better than it was in years past.
Whether more people live together without getting hitched or getting married is reserved for those with old fashioned beliefs, is not mentioned in the equation. Some give marriage a derogatory term of the old “ball and chain” because you’re tied to another individual for life. You must consider this other person in everything you do.
Sometimes, love isn’t enough to weather some of the marriage problems people face today. Ask anyone that has been married for a while, and they will tell you that there are many times they felt like walking away. There are times you don’t want to speak, times you pack a bag and head out the door, and times that you contemplate why you ever got married in the first place.
However, these times are considered a normal part of marriage, and soon you get through these feelings and back to marital bliss.
Common Marriage Problems
In any marriage, there’s going to be problems, but the good should outweigh the bad. What are the most common marriage problems that people face, and are the things you and your spouse argue about normal? Here are the 12 most popular arguments among couples.
Infidelity is one of the most common issues in a marriage, and it’s also the reason why many marriages end. Some people have a difficult time being faithful to one partner. Whether you’ve been married for two or twenty years, there will be times when you may look outside the union for comfort and friendship.
Some people are just sexual beings and can’t imagine sharing their lives and beds with one person for life. In contrast, others fall into these situations by chance. Infidelity is quite common, according to relationship therapists, especially with internet dating and online chat rooms. Cheating seems to be the norm for some people, while overcoming this marriage problem is quite tricky.
Trust is the foundation of any good marriage, and without it, your union is in trouble. You should know that every word out of your partner’s mouth is the truth as it brings much comfort and assurance. When one partner is not trustworthy, then it becomes impossible to believe anything they say.
They may lie about their whereabouts, who they’ve been with, or how much money they’ve spent. When one person tells numerous lies, it can take a significant toll on the marriage.
Another common reason why marriages end is due to finances. For most couples, the lack of money is a big issue that many people argue over. Sometimes couples disagree on who will handle the finances, how or where the money will be spent, and the lack of savings.
Cash issues can put a lot of strain on people, and it’s one of the most common issues that people face. Given the downtrodden economy, it seems the financial arguments are becoming more prevalent.
In-laws can be supportive or disruptive to your union. Often, the mother-in-law gets a bad rap because they can’t seem to let their son or daughter go. Boundaries and ground rules need to be laid with in-laws that want to control the marriage.
While it can be a blessing to have an excellent extended family that is supported and helps you out in life, ones that are overbearing and controlling can ruin your marriage.
5. Household Responsibilities
Who does the dishes, takes out the trash, cleans the litter box, and does the 1,000 other things that need to be done around the home? It’s quite silly, but fights over household chores make the list of marriage problems top. Gone are the days where the man went to work, and the woman stayed home and took care of all the household needs.
These days, since both people work, it requires 50/50 effort around the house. If one person slacks on their duties, it can be a significant source of contention.
Children are a gift from above, but they can also cause much grief in a marriage. Arguments can often come into play regarding who will transport the kids to sporting events and when one parent feels the other one doesn’t spend enough time with the kids. Another bone of contention is disciplinary styles.
One parent might be relatively lax when it comes to discipline, while another believes in a strict military-type method. Parenting styles can cause plenty of issues in any relationship.
Jobs take at least 40 hours a week out of a person’s life. However, there are times when people become more married to their job than their spouse. Some folks tend to be obsessed with working, while others want to do their job and get home.
Having a demanding career that takes a lot of time away from the family can be a great source of strain. Another common issue is when a job requires one person to travel so that they are not around the home to share in the daily responsibilities.
An article in the Journal of Marriage and Family warns that careers challenge relationships. They advise couples to prioritize making time for each other to overcome this concern.
8. Poor Communication
Life is chaotic and hectic, and many people have poor communication because they don’t make time to fill their spouse in on their life. You should know what happened in your spouse’s day and anything significant that is going on. When you are kept out of the loop, you are giving an entry for someone else to swoop in and hear all their problems.
Poor communication is a significant issue when it comes to children, houses, and careers. Your spouse should be your best friend and the person to whom you tell everything.
9. Values and Beliefs
The values and morals that your parents instilled in you are still an active part of your life today. While some of your thoughts and feelings have morphed over time, you still hear your mother or father coming out of your mouth during certain situations. Religion would be a big issue for many, especially if you were both raised in different faiths.
Many people think that Sunday is the sabbath, while others observe it on Saturday. Some people won’t buy or sell anything on the sabbath, and others believe you cannot work on this day. All these beliefs add up to significant issues when the views are not shared.
Outside of religion, simple things on how children should be raised, holiday traditions, and even how the towels are folded can cause arguments. Everyone has their way of doing things, and it can be troubling when the other person won’t budge an inch on their methods.
10. Stages in Life
You’ve heard of a mid-life crisis, and it’s something that can cause problems in your marriage. It can be an especially significant issue when there is a larger age difference between the couple. You go through various cycles in life as you’re trying to figure out your place in life as you grow older.
It can often be a considerable source of contention between you and your partner, especially if your crisis involves buying the iconic sports car that many do to recapture their youth.
You always take your frustrations out on the people that are the closest to you. If your spouse is in your line of fire, then they may feel like a punching bag by the time the day is done.
Stress can kill you, doctors and counselors warn. Plus, it can also cause a great deal of strain between you and your partner. It’s important not to let the troubles of the day ruin your relationship with those that mean the most.
12. The Green-Eyed Monster
Does one of you have a problem with jealousy? When one partner is jealous, it can make the other feel that they live in prison. They may question your every move, monitor your phone calls, and even go as far as accusing you of cheating.
Jealousy can be a significant issue that can destroy your relationship because it always comes down to one spouse with insecurities. A partner can be so jealous of your time that they don’t even like you being with your children.
They want to monopolize your every minute and think any extra time you have should be spent with them. This mindset is very irrational and can make it extremely hard for the person living with a jealous spouse.
Humans are fallible, so any relationship they have will be problematic. However, it’s the healthy couple that knows how to overcome obstacles in their marriage that can make it for decades. Think of your union as a garden.
A marriage must be cultivated and given time to flourish. You will have to deal with a few weeds and purge some of the dying vegetation, but soon you will have something of value.
Marriage is about giving and take, and you grow and learn together. When a couple first walks down the aisle, they have no clue what being together forever really means, and many of them have no idea about love.
However, after you weather a few storms together, you soon learn that you’re more powerful together as a united force than apart. Marriage problems are just par for the course, and they make for great learning experiences.