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Study Finds: Here’s How Many Trees It Takes Relax

August 13, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Spending time in nature is a great way to relax. Now science backs up this idea by telling us exactly how many trees we need to see to relax. The crisp, fresh smell of pine trees, the rustling sound of palm fronds, and the drooping fountain of green of a weeping willow tree are beautiful aspects of the peacefulness that trees bring us.

Finding a quiet spot under a tree in the shade gives you the peak hours of mid-day sunlight. Or resting against its trunk on the sunny side as the sun is lower in the sky, can be the most relaxing place to spend your time. In this article, we will look at how trees help us relax our bodies and physically overcome the stress response.

Here’s How Many Trees You Need to See To Relax, According to Science

Shinrin-yoku, or “forest bathing,” was first named by the Japanese Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry, and Fisheries in 1982. The name for spending time looking at trees to relax gives us a way to talk about the significant discovery identified by scientists; human health and the environment connect to each other in important ways.

The stress response and its effect on your body

Heart rate variability, levels of the stress hormone cortisol, blood pressure, pulse rate, and perspiration are all measurable parts of the body’s stress response. Researchers look at these measurements in people at baseline, after exposing them to a controlled stressful situation, and after they looked at a certain number of trees in a forest setting. According to science, taking in the atmosphere of a forest can improve your state of mind and physical relaxation.

Stress can be caused by many different things in our environment, from our jobs to too much traffic, to not having enough time to do what we want. Stress is a killer; it can lead to coronary heart disease, overeating, stroke, immune health problems, and a lower quality of life.

Our response to environmental factors can either be healthy and positive or negative and harmful to our health. In many ways, we can control our response to stressful events by reframing the way that we think about these events. For example, looking at stress as a challenge we know we have the skills to handle effectively can be one effective way to relax.

The physiological effects on your body when you see trees

A joint research team at the University of Illinois at Urbana, Champaign, and the University of Hong Kong, Hong Kong studied the density of trees that we see in city parks and people’s ability to recover after a stressful event. They reviewed the results from several previous studies and 24 forests across Japan.

The results, according to the scientists, were remarkable for the ability to see trees to lower the body’s stress response. They suggest that the results of their study show that local governments should work toward an ‘effective use of forest resources in stress management, health promotion, rehabilitation, and the prevention of disease.’

According to scientists, there is a healing effect of being surrounded by trees. In fact, it has a very real effect on reducing the stress response in our bodies. Scientists who study the health effects of trees on reducing stress have developed a new field; of forest medicine. According to science:

‘The results of studies performed on the physiological effects of Shinrin-yoku (forest bathing) show that forest environments could lower cortisol concentrations, lower pulse rate, lower blood pressure, increase parasympathetic nerve activity, and lower sympathetic nerve activity compared with city settings.’

Why science says you need to see many trees before you can relax

As little as 15 minutes of viewing trees and 15 minutes walking in a forest can reduce stress. Joint Illinois and Hong Kong research mentions that previous forest bathing research also ‘showed that forest environments could lower the absolute value of the total hemoglobin concentration, an index of cerebral activity, in the brain’s left prefrontal area. The absolute value of hemoglobin concentration had never previously been measured in the field.’

These herbs may relieve anxiety better than medicine.

Researchers looked at varying levels of tree density and how stress response differed for the participants in the study. They found that if they had participants view a video of trees where the density of trees went from as low as 2% of tree canopy coverage to 62% of tree canopy coverage, the amount of self-reported stress decreased in a linear pattern. The higher the tree density, the lower feelings of reported stress, according to the scientists. Sohow many trees you need to see to relax? The science simply shows the more trees, the better.

7 Things Clever People Do Differently To Find Love

August 13, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Finding the right partner to love IS possible. But there is a process that clever people follow to lead them to find the right person at the right place and the right time. Let’s look at seven things you can do to be clever about your choice of partner.

7 Things Clever People Do Differently To Find The Right Partner

1. Think intentionally about what you want

Do you want someone who is rich or poor, healthy or unhealthy, intelligent or uneducated? These and other qualities should be things that you can write down in a list to better help you identify the type of person who is right for you.

Researchers at Yale University and the University of Michigan looked at the following traits and preferences for them among people who were looking for the right partner:

Kind and considerate
Socially exciting
Domestic
Professional status
Wants children
Artistic and intelligent
Religious
Politically conservative
Easygoing and adaptable

The research found that when it comes to preferences in finding the right partner, men more than women preferred mates who were physically attractive and women more than men preferred mates who showed good earning potential and who were college-educated. The top three personality traits that people preferred in a potential partner were being kind and considerate, having an exciting personality, and intelligence.

2. Be the person you want to meet and fall in love with

Like attracts like, as the Law of Attraction tells us, so if you are looking for a sexy, confident, healthy person, make sure to work on developing those qualities in yourself in order to meet the right partner.

3. Play the field

The odds are against you if you only date from one group of people. Expand your search to other social groups that you might not normally encounter, people who have different hobbies or interests, and even as far away as foreign countries where the right partner might be hiding.

Date multiple people to get an idea for the type of single people who are available to you as you continue to look for the right partner.

4. Get the opinions of your friends and family

If you’d like to keep your friends after you get married, make sure that they think your partner is a smart choice for you. A word of caution here; clever people know that some of the opinions of their family members may be colored by the traditions that they were raised with. Socially, we have evolved much since your parents’ generation, so take their advice with a grain of salt. Also, cultural norms tend to favor men finding suitable wives who are able to bear children, and you may or may not be looking to have kids.

Researchers at the Institute of Behavioral Sciences in Hungary studied couples who stayed together long-term and found that couples whose wives were younger and less educated than their husbands lasted longer than other couples did. Men looking for younger wives makes biological sense for reproduction, and it is possible that they seek a less educated partner who will be less likely to have a career of her own which might take her away from the house and caring for children.

5. Focus on your needs, then on your wants

Making sure that you find a partner who can meet your needs is one thing that clever people do when looking for a mate. Take an honest assessment of yourself and what you really need from the right partner to feel happy. Do you need frequent physical touch or do you need a partner who will respect your need for space? Do you need quiet time or do you need an active, fun social life to feel fulfilled? A partner who can meet your needs is a smart find because you know they will listen when you then tell them what you want.

6. Keep your emotions in check

Sure, love is grand, but it also changes and develops over time. The way you feel about your partner after five years is different from the love you feel for them now. Often, passionate love fades and changes into companionship and deep affection for each other. If you think you feel a spark for a person, make sure to check your emotions. Then put a hold on them until you can be smart about making the right partner choice.

7. Tune in to your intuition

Your gut instinct is a powerful tool to tell you that you are either on the right or wrong track when it comes to being wise about choosing the right partner. There is no other substitute for that ‘it just feels right’ feeling. Trust the physical sensation of tightness or warmth that you can feel under your ribcage between your heart and your stomach. This spot, when you learn to tune into it, will guide you to the right choices more often than not.

Study Finds: Ancient Practice of “Forest Bathing” Reduces Stress And Boosts Immunity

August 13, 2016 by Power of Positivity

You might already know that nature heals, but did you know that “forest bathing” specifically can offer many health benefits? “Forest bathing” comes from a Japanese term, Shinrin-yoku, which basically means spending time amongst trees to lower stress levels. To do this, you just need to find some trees, breathe deeply, open your mind and all your senses, and forget about all your stresses and responsibilities for a little while.

We live in such a fast-paced, chaotic, stressful world, and we all need to decompress sometimes. Luckily, nature offers a wonderful, natural way to do just that. Often, it doesn’t have to cost you a penny.

Many people go into nature for relaxation purposes, but did you know that trees specifically can help to reset your immune system and lower stress? Trees and all sorts of plants produce a compound called phytoncides, which help to protect the plants from rotting and from hungry animals. This chemical can actually lower cortisol levels in humans, plus increase immunity. Just a 40-minute walk through the woods, or “forest bathing,” can greatly improve your physical and mental health.

Here’s How “Forest Bathing” Helps People Reduce Stress And Boost Immunity

Of course, people have known about the power of nature to heal for centuries now, but today, we need this natural gift now more than ever before. Two German physicians in the 1800s actually found that fresh forest air helped to heal patients from tuberculosis. Nowadays, researchers have found that nature can actually cure many problems brought on by modern living, by going back to our roots, our natural environment.

For example, a Japanese study from 2010 found that participants that had exposure to forest environments showed more positive health markers than those surrounded by city conditions: “lower concentrations of cortisol, lower pulse rate, lower blood pressure, greater parasympathetic nerve activity, and lower sympathetic nerve activity.”

In addition to these wonderful benefits, being in the forest can also increase creativity and improve focus! This study by researchers from the University of Kansas and the University of Utah discovered that participants who hiked and camped for 4-6 days in Alaska, Colorado, Maine and Washington performed 50% better on creative problem-solving tasks than those who did not. These states have tons of trees, which provides further evidence that being among forests can do wonders for the mind, body and spirit.

Also, scientists believe that being in a less stimulating, natural environment helps us have better attention spans, because we don’t have to switch between tasks and manage so much stimuli like we do in the “modern world.” This helps to provide mental clarity, as the peace and tranquility of nature don’t demand things from us like city life does.

Although the majority of us live in a concrete world, we can all find a green space somewhere nearby to refresh our brains and recharge our spirits. Fresh air and sunshine have never stopped being vital to our existence, so we ought to make spending time in nature a priority, instead of just an afterthought.

According to a study published by the National Academy of Sciences of the USA, we spend 25% less time outdoors than we did just 20 years ago. With that said, it should come as no surprise that we have so many health problems today since we have neglected our natural environment and basic needs.

Walking in nature not only gives us Vitamin D from the sun and helps to refresh us, but it can also change our brain chemistry.

Research from Stanford University found that spending time outdoors can actually lead to changes in brain chemicals, providing mental clarity and peace of mind, and reducing anxiety and stress. As Gretchen Reynolds explains in the New York Times, graduate student Gregory Bratman, who attends Emmett Interdisciplinary Program in Environment and Resources at Stanford, analyzed the brains of 38 adults living in the city who went on a 90-minute nature hike. Bratman found that these individuals had lower brain activity in their subgenual prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain that focuses on “morbid rumination,” than the participants who trekked along the side of a nearby highway.

Those who spent time in nature at least once a day didn’t dwell on the negative happenings in their lives as much, Reynolds reported. These results suggest what many of us probably knew all along – that everyone can benefit from spending more time in nature, and less time in the concrete jungle.

Nature can do wonders for your mental health, but did you know it can also boost energy levels?

Several studies have shown that spending time in nature can increase energy levels, and research reveals that just twenty minutes of outdoor time a day can make a significant difference. Richard Ryan, lead author of the scientific studies mentioned above and a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, says, “We have a natural connection with living things. Nature is something within which we flourish, so having it be more a part of our lives is critical, especially when we live and work in built environments.”

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

The Most Hurtful Word You ‘Should’ Never Say In Your Relationship

August 13, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Relationships have ups and downs, and discussions can quickly become arguments with as little as one wrong word spoken in a moment of frustration. Protect yourself and your partner from being hurt by keeping the one most hurtful word out of your conversations with each other.

The Words You Should Keep Out of Your Relationship

Communication is an essential part of any relationship, including both the verbal and nonverbal parts of your interaction. Communication is essential for each partner to get their needs met and those could be physical needs, like the need for food, or emotional needs, like the need for intimate physical touch.

Your communication with your partner is about expressing how you feel and getting what you need with the help of your other half. In the course of talking to each other, sometimes you can unintentionally let slip the one word that should be kept out of your relationship.

The power of words to hurt your relationship

The University of Texas at Austin researchers studied the power of hurtful words in a relationship and found that it’s not necessarily the words themselves that hurt, but the perception of their intent that does the most damage.

The researchers say, ‘Results indicated that people who judged something an individual said to them as intentionally hurtful felt the comment had more of a distancing effect on their relationship with the individual than did those who perceived the message as unintentionally hurtful. Furthermore, those who viewed the comment as intentionally hurtful tended to be less satisfied with the relationship they had with the person who hurt them and felt less close to the person than those who saw it as unintentional.’

Lashing out at someone in frustration because you are having a bad day, are tired, or hungry is likely forgiven by your partner when they know you did not mean to hurt them. However, if your hurtful words reflect a pattern of negative behavior toward them, they will be more likely to perceive your words as intentionally hurtful.

Communication in your relationship is about more than words

Although your partner in your relationship might use one of these hurtful words, it doesn’t mean much unless:

1) You take it negatively, or

2) Their actions, tone, body language, or other patterns of behavior also convey a negative meaning

Much information is hidden in our body language and facial expressions. Was your partner smiling and using the humor of sarcasm when they said it to you? Did they say a word that you disliked, but then after you told them that you were hurt they changed and did not do it again?

Research published in Communication Quarterly looked at the hurtful messages in communication and the use of humor to soften those messages. They say ‘The results indicated that humorous messages used to convey hurtful information were seen as less intentionally hurtful, as expressing less intense feelings across most message topics, and as causing less hurt as compared to non’humorously phrased comments. These findings suggest that humor may make hurt-evoking statements more palatable to recipients than non’humorously phrased hurtful comments. ‘

Failing to speak can also be hurtful to your relationship

Keeping silent might be good, but only if you also know when it’s essential to speak up. When your partner is getting close to pushing your boundaries and you feel that uncomfortable gut reaction, speak up and calmly express how you feel about their words or actions. For example, you might say, ‘I’m not comfortable with that. What are some other options?’

The ONE word you don’t want in your relationship

This is one word that you may say to yourself all the time, especially if you have a lot on your to do list, so you definitely want to keep it out of your relationship vocabulary. The controlling word that we need to keep out of our relationships is ‘should,’ as in ‘You really should (or shouldn’t) do ___.’ Why is this one word most toxic to a healthy relationship? The same reason that it feels bad when you say it to yourself – it’s a negative way to influence someone’s behavior and it implies a judgment about what they are or are not doing right according to your opinion.

Rather than judging the behavior by saying that your partner really ‘should’ or ‘should not’ do something, focus on your own feelings and say ‘I feel like this is not really the best thing for you because ___.’ In this way, you have expressed your own feelings and given reasons for feeling the way that you do but you aren’t presuming to know what is best for your partner. Ultimately, it is their decision to act on your suggestion or not.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Ways Pessimists Try To Bring You Down (And How To Avoid Them)

August 13, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Pessimistic people aren’t just negative but cynical and arrogant. They don’t just see the struggles in life but thrive in these circumstances. Many will flat-out tell you that they are not pessimists but realists. In their world, nothing is rainbow and butterflies. Many of these folks are depressed, mentally unstable, and feel that the world is the world’s cruelest place. Our lives consist of good and bad, up and down, and a million other opposites. The Yin and Yang of the world describe how opposite and contrary forces are interconnected. Perhaps we need the pessimist to appreciate the optimist.

How does one deal with the constant woes of the pessimist? The pessimist has unrealistic expectations and continues to be pushed and pulled by the gloom and doom of circumstances. In many cases, this type of person cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. They live in a miserable state of darkness, crudeness, and hostility.

Here are 5 behaviors pessimists use to bring you down, and how to avoid them:

1. Victimization

Most pessimists believe that they are victims of circumstances or situations. They live stuck in the past. As per Robert Firestone, Ph.D.: “People who become mired down in feeling victimized tend to view events in their lives as happening to them and feel ineffective and overwhelmed. They also operate on the basic assumption that the world should be fair, which is a child’s way of thinking.”

Some practically carry around a sign that says, “Poor Me!” Everything that happens to them relates to childhood or past events. They cannot move out of the victim mode.

The best way to deal with the victimization behavior is to call the person out. Make them aware each time they enter into a pessimistic attitude and put a stop to it. People may become angry when they are called on their attitude constructively. It’s essential to shut down critical and destructive thoughts. Help that person understand that they are no longer living in the past. They can create a new way of thinking.

2. Jealousy

Jealousy and an envious attitude derive from insecurities. Most pessimists do not want to follow through because they believe they will be disappointed. Therefore, they’d rather feed on emotionally toxic behaviors of wanting what others have worked hard for. In their own lack of self-esteem, they cannot understand why they are “unlucky” or do not get what they deserve righteously.

Most of the time, jealous people have no idea that they are envious. They do not see the disturbing pattern in mental health. It’s not uncommon for them to have anger or rage for not receiving what another has in their lives. Dealing with this type of behavior is like dealing with a selfish child. You can’t make them understand what they aren’t ready to face about themselves. They already live in a state of negativity, and any productive criticism will be taken as a rejection. It’s best to reinforce their good qualities and help them find something to replace the jealousy.

3. Chronic Complainer

The complainer is ridden by constant negativity that can become a huge challenge for anyone around them. Nothing makes these type of people content or satisfied. They are a dark cloud that never allows the sun to shine through. The chronic complainer lives in a miserable state of dissatisfaction and passes on that toxic behavior on to others. Unfortunately, these folks do not see themselves as pessimists. They believe they are pointing out the things that no one sees, but in the most annoying ways.

You cannot convince the complainer that things are not that morbid. You cannot tell them to stop overreacting either. The best way is to validate their feelings, have empathy and let them know that you appreciate their input. You can redirect their complaints and behavior by adding something positive and walking away.

4. Cynical Attitude

Most cynical people have little faith in humanity. They are bitter, and angry and have no problem expressing their opinions to anyone. Oscar Wilde said best: “A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.” Cynicism is often considered intelligent because cynical and sarcastic people are full of wit. However, they are not just skeptics but blinded by their ignorance and fears of seeing beyond their conventional ideas. A cynical person has difficulty leaving the comfort of their own ideas to learn something new.

It’s hard to deal with a cynical, close-minded individual. You either set boundaries or take your losses. This type of person isn’t willing to agree to disagree. They are right and you are wrong. It’s best not to pursue an intelligent argument because they can’t see past their misconceptions. They are not willing to learn anything from you.

5. Assume the Worst

The pessimist assumes the worst in everything without ever trying. They believe they will never succeed at anything, so they don’t bother pursuing a dream. A cloud of doom and gloom drives them at all times. And, this type of person will rain on your parade when you share a dream or goal. They will find the worst-case scenario to stop you from pursuing anything you want. It’s not in their genetic composition to understand how anyone can accomplish things and have a beneficial outcome.

Final Thoughts on Avoiding the Pessimists Who Hold You Back in Life

The pessimist with this characteristic is rude and condescending to a fault. They don’t know they are this negative; sometimes, you must set them straight. But, no matter what you try to say to them, they will never see life through rose-colored glasses. The best thing to do is acknowledge their opinions and keep quiet. Arguing is part of their programming. It’s not worth trying to instill a new personality trait when they are unwilling to see the good in a situation.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

6 Things Your Parents Never Told You About Relationships

August 11, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Your parents usually have good intentions at heart when they try to give you relationship advice. But one thing they won’t tell you is that you don’t have to take their word for what works in a healthy partnership and what doesn’t. The honest truth is that although you love where your parents are coming from with their hopes for your happy relationship. However, they don’t know what’s best for you and your partner.

6 Pieces of Relationship Advice Your Parents Won’t Give You

Parents don’t get to decide whether you will be happy with your partner or not. But sometimes, they like to butt in and give you a taste of some advice that they think will help you. It’s none of their business. Still, telling them, that might not save you from hearing their well-intentioned advice anyway.

Let’s look at six pieces of relationship advice your parents won’t give you. You will also read why you’re sometimes better off learning these lessons alone.

1. Your relationship might turn out a lot like your parents’ relationship

Researchers at Florida State University studied young adult romantic relationships and the role of parents’ marital problems on their children’s relationships. They found that if the parents experienced marital conflict problems, they could predict that their children would have conflict problems in their relationships as young adults.

The important piece of relationship advice that your parents won’t give you is to look at whether or not your parents were able to communicate effectively and resolve problems without fighting. If you saw many arguments between your parents, learn how to avoid repeating these problems in your current and future relationships. Otherwise, you may follow in their unhappy footsteps.

2. You don’t have to settle for someone just to avoid being lonely

Perhaps your parents worried about you becoming a spinster or never giving them the grandchildren they had always dreamed of. Well, the piece of advice that your parents won’t give you is that you don’t have to live up to their expectations for you. Just because they worry about you being alone your whole life doesn’t mean you have to take on that worry for yourself.

3. Being your authentic self will make it easier to find the right person for you

The true you is always the best you, and being yourself, even if it means being quirky or different from most people, will help you attract the person who best fits you in a romantic relationship. But you won’t hear this piece of advice from your parents. Instead, they will probably tell you to me more this or less that, which doesn’t do you or your romantic partner any good since you’re just concealing your true nature.

4. Intimacy is natural, fun, and healthy, even before marriage

Your parents’ attitudes and beliefs about sexuality are often transmitted to children by how restrictive the parents are when their children are teenagers. Your parents won’t tell you that their opinions about sex were primarily shaped by their own parents’ beliefs and their parents’ religious beliefs about sexuality. But the real advice that your parents won’t give you about sex is that your body belongs to you alone and that if you find joy in sex, are safe, and are not hurting anyone, you are having more fun than they did.

Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed parents and their teens and found that attitudes about premarital sex were largely the same for both of them, with restrictive parents having teens who felt that they should wait to have sex. Social norms and attitudes about sex have changed dramatically since your grandparents’ day. Indeed, the sex advice you get from your parents is not necessarily suitable for you in your relationship.

5. A successful relationship doesn’t have to lead to marriage

Marriage is not ideal for a happy relationship. Still, your parents won’t give you this piece of advice because they were most likely raised with more traditional, church-wedding expectations.

6. Having children doesn’t have to be the goal of a romantic relationship either

Not everyone is suited for parenting, and not everyone wants to be a parent anyway. There is no reason that you should let your parents’ expectations dictate whether you add to the next generation or not. Of course, they will tell you that they’d love to spoil their grandchildren and that raising you was easy and a constant source of joy. But where will they be at three am when you’re exhausted and need to sleep before you get up in three hours for work and their darling grandchild just threw up? That’s another piece of advice that your parents won’t give you; when it comes to raising their grandkids, you’re on your own.

20 Things To Remember If You Love A Strong Woman

August 11, 2016 by Power of Positivity

If you love a strong woman, you might look at this list of twenty things to remember about her remarkable power, grace, and complexity. Keep in mind the strength of the other women who also touch your life and the lives of others.

20 Things To Remember If You Love A Strong Woman

NOTE: If you need information on a relationship with a strong man, we cover his behaviors in a separate article.

1. A strong woman holds herself to a higher standard

Our laws may be in place for the rest of society to know what is right and wrong, but a strong woman lives by higher standards than those. She rises to the challenge; it means taking the high road in any situation.

2. She values integrity

She is a woman of honor and integrity if you love a strong woman. This righteous female does the right thing, setting an example for others in her words and behavior.

3. A strong woman is self-aware

The strong woman you love knows herself very well, inside and out. She may surprise you occasionally, but she rarely surprises herself unless it is by proving that she is stronger than she thought she was.

4. She is working on her flaws and she expect your to do the same

A strong woman can accept that she is not perfect, and she has identified the things she wants to improve. She is taking action to make herself a better person every day, and if you want to remain the love of her life, you need to step up and do the same to keep pace with her.

5. A strong woman expects you to act with kindness, like she does

Women have an innate social tendency to be kind to those who are weaker than themselves, including animals, children, and the elderly and they look lovingly upon those who also let kindness guide their actions.

6. She has better social skills than you do

A Cambridge University study showed that as early as the age of one year old, female children make more eye contact with their parents than male children do. The researchers say this is evidence of the superiority of female social skills, as shown in previous research.

7. A strong woman is sensitive to others’ emotions

Researchers at the Department of Psychology at the University of Western Ontario in London, Ontario, Canada say that women have a strong advantage over men regarding recognizing emotions through subtle facial expressions. In the study, the ‘women were faster than men at recognizing both positive and negative emotions from facial cues’ and had a significantly better recognition rate than the men for recognizing negative facial expressions.

8. She knows she can have more than she has now

A strong woman can have the sun, moon, and stars if she wants them. She just hasn’t decided that she wants them yet.

9. She asks for what she needs

If you love a strong woman, know that she will communicate to you in many ways what she needs from you. If you can meet her needs, then you are closer to her heart.

10. She can handle everything that you can

Never doubt for a second that the strong woman you love is capable of doing everything that you can do and more.

11. A strong woman knows her own mind

When you love a strong woman, be careful not to question her decisions because she knows what she wants.

12. She has overcome adversity, and it has made her stronger

Her past does not define her, but it has helped shape this lady who has your love into the person she is today.

13. She knows she is vulnerable

Women, as the ‘weaker’ sex, have their vulnerabilities. Some, but not all, females may be physically less strong than men, but they can also embrace their tender side. A strong woman knows that opening up about her innermost emotional struggles is a way of sharing her courage with others.

14. She has a positive outlook

Everyone has their down moments, but the woman that you love can usually find a way to see a lesson in even the most painful setback.

15. A strong woman doesn’t need your help

She is independent, knowledgeable, and determined, and with those traits, the strong woman you love doesn’t really need your help.

16. She knows when to ask for help

Although she doesn’t need your help because she is capable of doing things on her own, the strong woman that you love also recognizes her own shortcomings and can ask for help when she needs it.

17. She stands up for injustices toward others

Just as she is kind to others, a strong woman dares to stand up to bullies who go after the weak. She sees when others are hurting, and she speaks up for them.

18. She owns up to her actions

Accountability for her actions is a key trait of the strong woman you love. She is not afraid to say that she was wrong and apologize if she hurt anyone, but she will also take credit and expect to be recognized for her accomplishments.

19. A strong woman has a limitless capacity for love

She knows her heart as a bottomless well of love that she can draw from when she needs to give it to others, and she does so freely, with compassion and grace.

20. She expresses her gratitude

She knows when the gifts from the universe have blessed her, and your love is among the things she counts herself grateful for each day.

8 Signs Someone Is Jealous of Your Relationship

August 11, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Jealousy, often referred as the “green-eyed monster,” is present in all aspects of our lives. These insecurities come and go depending on the level of intimacy and attention. Helen Fisher, PhD explains that we feel jealous for many reasons.

But, “therapists often regard the demon as a scar of childhood trauma or a symptom of a psychological problem. And it’s true that people who feel inadequate, insecure, or overly dependent tend to be more jealous than others. But the “monster” actually evolved for positive reasons. Throughout our primordial past it discouraged desertion by a mate, bolstering the family unit and enabling the survival of the young. At the same time, it has pushed us to abandon philanderers—and many a futile match—in favor of more stable and rewarding partnerships.”

When it comes to jealousy outside of a relationship, it is important to be aware and understand why someone is envious of your relationship. It goes deeper in the psyche of how we feel and if we are being replaced. Some people cannot tolerate others being happy when they are not happy themselves. There are friends who feel they’ve lost their best friend to a significant other. Perhaps you know one or two of these folks.

Here are 8 signs someone is jealous of your relationship:

1. Your friends hate hearing about your relationship.

If your friends start to snarl or shut you down when you begin to talk about your relationship, it is a sign that there is jealousy involved. True friends are happy for their friend’s happiness. They don’t go around making remarks or ignoring them for being in a relationship. Perhaps it’s time you ask your friend(s) if they feel left out. You can take a night and just spend with them. Changes in friendships catapult others to irrational behaviors and question their bonds as friends.

2. Your friends become passive aggressive.

No one likes passive aggressive behavior. It becomes annoying when a friend agrees to something but deep inside means something else. Who wants that kind of sarcasm and cynicism?

As per PsychologyToday, “Jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses many different kinds of feelings ranging from fear of abandonment to rage and humiliation. Jealousy can strike both men and women when a third-party threat to a valued relationship is perceived. Conventional wisdom holds that jealousy is a necessary emotion because it preserves social bonds, but jealously usually does more harm than good, creating relationship conflict and strife.”

The passive aggressive behavior is a form of masking the fear of losing your friend. It’s easier for that friend to be passive than to confront what really is hurting him/her.

3. You stop getting invited to places or gatherings.

If you hear of parties and gatherings that have taken place but you weren’t invited, there may be some jealousy in your friendship. If you are missing out on events happening in your close circle of friends, it could be a sign you need to ask what’s going on. The more time goes by, and things aren’t addressed, the longer the distance becomes in your friendship. The greatest distance between friends is a misunderstanding. If you aren’t getting invited, perhaps it’s time you create the gathering and invite your friends.

4. Your friends start rumors that are far from the truth.

This is a no-no. True friends do not go around making up stories for dramatic effects. If you have a friend who is spreading rumors, you might want to evaluate your friendship. A real friend doesn’t gossip and make up events to make themselves feel better. You can be assured that this is not only jealous behavior, but manipulation. And, while you are re-evaluating your friendship, also let them know that the behavior is not going to be rewarded. It’s disrespectful and humiliating.

5. Your friends disappear and stop hanging around you.

Just like not being invited to gatherings, if your friends are giving you the cold shoulder, you are owed an explanation. Real friends can sit and talk about anything. You need to address what the deal is with the disappearing acts. Also, you might have to ask yourself if your partner is part of the issue. Is he/she not reaching out and being friendly? Is he/she being dominant with your time and space? Are your friends picking up on some toxic behavior or just being jealous of something special in your life?

6. Your friend starts to talk behind your back.

This is a bit different than spreading rumors. When a friend starts to talk behind your back, sharing intimate details of your relationship, it’s painful and disrespectful. You may want to reach out to that so-called friend and let him/her know that you will not tolerate this in your friendship. Address it and put a stop to it, while also being aware that jealousy is based on insecurities. Is your friend missing you and acting out? Is your friend feeling rejected because you have no time for him/her?

7. Your friend can’t stand when you and your partner show affection in public.

Some people cannot handle affection. They truly have an issue when a friend starts touching or kissing a mate in front of them. There are several reasons for this. First, they feel left out because perhaps they don’t have anyone in their lives. Secondly, people tend to take PDA to an uncomfortable level that makes others feel as if they witnessing an erotic state of voyeurism. There is a time and place for affection. However, if it’s a peck, a hug, or hand holding, and you witness a friend making a face of disgust, it might be more about them than you. That person could be dying inside because he/she doesn’t have this at the moment. And sometimes it’s their insecurities whispering in their ears, “Why can’t that be me?”

8. Your friend has a comment and opinion about everything.

Passive-aggressive behavior is difficult to swallow, but constant opinions are worse. If your friend has to comment about your mate all the time, it’s a sign that something deeper is brewing. He/she is envious of your relationship and cannot help it. They may start with supportive comments and turn negative in an instant. If your friend tries to one-up on everything you share with her, this is a huge sign of jealousy. You have the ability to put a stop to it. It’s difficult enough to start a new relationship, so by adding the stress of friends and their opinions, you have a recipe for disaster. You need to set boundaries with what you are willing to entertain and what you need to stop accepting from a friend.

Sometimes friends miss the fun and silly times spent with their friend before “the one” came into the picture. Be loving and compassionate with that friend who is acting out. He/she may just be missing one-on-one moments, the ability to be there all the time, and the sharing that seems to be lacking at this time. Reassure him/her that being in a relationship is not going to change the intimate moments shared before your partner arrived into the picture. Jealousy is not just about wanting what someone has, but about missing what they once shared.

20 Things A True Gentleman Does Differently

August 11, 2016 by Power of Positivity

The idea of a true gentleman grew out of the traditions of knighthood in a very dangerous period of history. While the concepts of knighthood and honor have long been out of fashion, some behaviors from that time still have meaning and purpose.

The core concepts of the knight and the gentleman are similar: Protect the weak and defenseless, show compassion and mercy, speak the truth, and be courteous to others, especially women.

So what are some of the actual behaviors of a true modern gentleman?

Here are twenty behaviors of a true gentleman:

Do you recognize these actions in your beloved?

1. Opens Doors

A gentleman holds the door for others to go in. He opens the door for women and lets them go through first.

2. On Time

A gentleman shows up when he says he will show up and doesn’t leave others waiting. It is rude to show up late and waste other people’s time. Not only is being on time courteous, but it shows that you value their time.

3. Walks closest to the Curb

Walking close to the curb and putting yourself between a woman and any potential danger is what a gentleman does.

4. Offers his Jacket

If a woman is cold and doesn’t have a jacket, and you do, then you sacrifice your comfort to make a lady more comfortable.

5. Helps her be seated

A gentleman pulls out a woman’s seat for her and helps her move the seat in closer to the table.

6. He is Courteous

It seems like a small thing, but saying “please” and “thank you” to people shows courtesy and respect for others. It is a minor thing and costs you nothing, but can earn you valuable points with people.

7. Offers his Seat

If you are on the bus/subway/park bench and a woman does not have a seat, you offer your seat. A gentleman sacrifices even small things like personal comfort for a short commute.

8. Offers His Arm

When out on a date, and you and your date are walking, offer your arm. It is classy, and women like to walk arm-in-arm with a gentleman.

9. Has Table Manners

Appropriate table manners mean a lot and show that you are not some uncouth barbarian. If you are at a BBQ joint, then by all means, use your fingers and get messy. But, if you are eating at a restaurant with silverware, use them; that knife and fork are there for a reason. Also, put your napkin on your lap. It shows refinement and class.

10. Is Not Rude to People

Even if the service is horrible, take the high road and be polite. It doesn’t cost you anything, shows you can restrain your emotions, and shows empathy and basic respect for others.

11. Picks up the Check

A gentleman reaches for the check and in most cases, should insist on paying. The rare occasions when a gentleman doesn’t pick up the check, he at least attempts to get the check and puts up a token struggle before conceding. When he picks up the check, whether for a date or for friends, he never expects something in return.

12. Is Attentive

When someone is talking, you should be listening and listening closely. Don’t fiddle with your phone or watch the TV in the background. Look at the speaker and listen to what they are saying. A gentleman also notices how others look. Compliment a woman sincerely. “You look stunning” is an appropriate compliment and always makes a woman smile.

13. Keeps his Word

He does it if a gentleman says he will be somewhere or do something. It is that simple. Do what you say you are going to do.

14. Keeps a Secret

That information goes into the vault if a gentleman is told something confidently. He doesn’t blab it to others.

15. Does Not Kiss and Tell

Nobody needs to know what your significant other looks like without clothes, how good they are in the sack or what freaky things they like. Please keep it to yourself.

16. Does Not Hit Women

A gentleman’s role is to protect women even at the cost of their own life. A gentleman never hurts a woman. The only exception to this is if a woman is trying to kill an innocent person. Outside of extreme circumstances, a man should never lay his hands on a woman in anger.

17. Waits For Others to Get Their Food Before Eating

A gentleman waits until everyone has been served at a restaurant before eating. It shows patience and courtesy.

18. Is Honest

A gentleman tells the truth even if it hurts him. Honorable people tell the truth, always. A gentleman is trustworthy.

19. Gets Stuff Done

A gentleman knows how to do stuff and gets those things done. A gentleman can fix the car, splint a broken limb, change the baby’s diaper or cook dinner. Gentlemen know how to do things and can get those things done. He is a jack of all trades, a Renaissance man, or the most exciting man in the world.

20. Protects the Defenseless

A gentleman, at his core, is a warrior and stands ready to jump into harm’s way to protect the innocent. Bravery, courage, and fearlessness are the hallmarks of a gentleman. He stands up for the oppressed, protects women and children, and risks his life to save the lives of others.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing the Signs of a True Gentleman

Being a true gentleman is a timeless concept that transcends generations and cultures. A true gentleman embodies the qualities of chivalry, respect, and integrity. He is someone who exudes confidence but not at the expense of others. Being a true gentleman is not just about being well-dressed or well-spoken. It’s about embodying values and principles that define the person. A true gentleman is respectful, honest, trustworthy, and kind.

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