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5 Signs You’ve Become Someone You’re Not

September 2, 2016 by Chris Butler

Have you become someone you no longer recognize?

Who we are often changes from day to day, but you know in your heart when you’re embodying your truest self. However, in this world, it’s easy to lose yourself among all the responsibilities, pressures, noise, chaos, and general mayhem that goes on during our daily lives. Without all the distractions and unnecessary parts of life today, we could easily find ourselves. However, in our modern lives, doing so takes time and effort. To find yourself, you have to disconnect from “reality” for a bit, and actually tune into your soul. Listen to it and figure out what it truly wants.

If you’ve done that and still feel that you’ve become someone you’re not, read our list to find out for sure(and find ways to make the journey back to your highest self).

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde

5 Signs You’ve Become Someone You’re Not

1. You don’t feel happy most of the time.

When you’ve become someone besides yourself, you won’t feel content most of the time. Something deep within you longs for attention, so you have to silence all that chatter in your mind and tune into your spiritual self. Pinpoint what in your life feels foreign and not natural to you, and then work on eliminating it. We came here to show up as true, authentic beings, so don’t sell yourself short.

Happiness starts from within, so remember that anytime negative emotions arise. You deserve to embody your true self and get to know yourself on the deepest level possible. It’s understandable that sometimes life gets in the way of revealing our authenticity, but don’t let that stop you. If you’ve become someone you’re not, you’re only a decision away from becoming someone else. That’s the beauty of life; we have free will to change our mindset, outlook, location, job, and anything else important to us. Changing is hard, but it all begins with one decision to start the journey.

2. You feel uncomfortable in your own skin.

Another indicator of becoming someone you’re not is feeling disconnected from yourself, or not liking yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable with who you are, perhaps it’s who you’re not that’s really the issue. Think about it: when we hide parts of ourselves so that we don’t get judged, we start to feel uncomfortable because we have to play a role. We have to wear a mask in order to feel like we fit in. However, this won’t bring true happiness. If you don’t like who you’ve become, check in with who you’re hiding in order to feel alive, vibrant, and whole again.

3. You compare yourself to others.

When we become our authentic selves, we can strip away the layers of hate and judgment, and allow our highest selves to shine. If you compare yourself to others often, you’re just settling on being small. You’re shrinking in order to fit in, but we were born to stand out. Don’t allow yourself to engage in the act of comparison; you deserve to let your individuality come to the surface, without standing in anyone’s shadow or feeling inferior to others.

4. You don’t care about yourself.

If you don’t love and care for yourself, who will? At the end of the day, we really just have ourselves, so we can’t neglect the person staring back at us in the mirror. If you’ve become someone you’re not, you probably don’t want to bother with truly caring for yourself, because you don’t even recognize yourself. When this happens, you need to make time to go deep within and figure out what your soul really wants. It talks to us if we really take time to listen.

5. You look to others for acceptance.

By looking to others for approval, we take away that power from ourselves. Truthfully, none of us needs permission to be ourselves on this planet. We can all coexist in our individuality, and learn from one another. If you have become someone else, you probably rely on others a lot for acceptance because you can’t even accept yourself. However, don’t fall victim to this way of thinking. Simply be what comes naturally, and forget what others have to say about it.

How to Become Someone You Like

You were meant to keep growing as a person. Growth means you seek to learn new things and stay curious about life. Sometimes, during a busy life, you feel as if you’ve lost your true self. Those things you once believed in and lived for have gotten pushed aside. What can you do to become someone you recognize again?

1. Find faith

Faith in God is the best way to find your true self. Faith says, “I want to become who God made me to be.” You believe that your life is more than a bunch of events strung together with no purpose. Your faith can help you become someone you recognize again. Faith helps you become someone who believes from the moment you were born you were on a journey overseen by your Creator. An ancient text says it like this,

You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. (Psalm 139:16 NIV)

Having faith anchors you in the past, present, and future. It gives you hope and helps you to be your best.

2. Change where you need to change

Part of growing and maturing as a person is realizing your strengths and your weaknesses. It’s evaluating areas where you need to change. Perhaps you realize you need to become a more sensitive person or be a more thoughtful partner. The best ways to change involve

Setting small goals-Set realistic goals for yourself. You won’t change in 24 hours, but you may begin to change in 24 days.
Some self-reflection- Be sure to stop and look at yourself. Be realistic about how you’re doing.
Asking others for input-Ask your family or friends how you’re doing. Ask them to be honest with you.
Stepping out–Growth and change are hard work. Don’t give up if it seems like you’re not changing. Unless you’re willing to step out and make the uncomfortable changes in your life, you’ll stay exactly where you are.

3. Stay connected with like-minded people

Being in a community with like-minded people guards against losing focus on who you are. Having strong ties with family and a social group gives you better health and a better sense of well-being. These connections with others have physical benefits. It’s been found that people who live the longest have strong ties to family, friends, and people in their community. Social isolation is linked to the risk of more heart problems and other diseases.

4. Other things you can do to become someone you recognize again

Resist the urge to sit around-Stay busy and engaged with life.
Stay curious- Reading, listening to podcasts, listening to a sermon at church are all ways you can keep learning about yourself and life.
Observe others-If there are people you admire, observe how they live their life. What do they value? Where do they find strength and meaning?
Live a healthy life-Choose to eat healthy, nutritious foods and get some exercise. You’ll feel better and have more energy.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

10 Signs Your Partner Is Hiding Their Emotions

September 1, 2016 by Power of Positivity

You are a product of your childhood and how others treated you. If you felt abandoned as a child, you likely may suffer from emotional abandonment. This term describes the emotional state of feeling undesired, insecure, and discarded. Someone who suffers from emotional abandonment may feel a sense of loss and withdrawal and cannot connect to another. When things become too serious in a relationship, the emotionally abandoned person will hide their emotions.

So what are the ten signs you partner is hiding emotions? Watch for these.

1. You are experiencing long periods of silence.

One of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship is the silence between two people who once shared deeply. If your partner isn’t speaking for long periods, they might be experiencing depression, isolation, or simply trying to disengage from the intensity of the relationship. They might feel comfortable withdrawing, but it’s no picnic for the other person in the partnership. You may always walk on eggshells, not knowing if they will explode. This may also signify that your partner is getting emotional support from someone outside the relationship.

2. You are having one-side conversations.

You find that you are the only one speaking in the relationship. You’re the one who asks the simple questions, “How was your day? What’s going on? Let’s talk….” It might just be a red flag that your relationship is in trouble. Emotionally disconnected individuals tend to shut down quickly. They don’t partake in small talk. They say what needs to be said, and then it’s done. But, this doesn’t make a healthy relationship.

3. You are witnessing self-absorbed behavior.

If your partner is emotionally withdrawn, they might not even tap into your emotions. An emotionally abandoned individual doesn’t understand what is truly bothering them. They struggle with just making it through one conversation. They become self-centered and self-absorbed. These emotions can be the leftovers from past relationships, fears of abandonment from childhood, or abuse. They can’t open up psychologically. These types of folks could genuinely benefit from therapy. But, most of the time, they don’t see they have a problem.

4. You are in denial, and so is your partner.

If you make excuses for your partner emotionally withdrawing, you may be in denial. These psychological patterns might not have been noticed at the beginning of the relationship, or you may not have wanted to accept them. So here you are, dealing with the silence, anger, and isolation of a broken relationship. Your partner might also deny the underlying issue in the relationship. Seek help!

5. Your partner has difficulty dealing with their parents.

Dr. Elliot D. Cohen shares in Psychology Today that: “Emotional neglect involves failing to provide emotional support that one should provide, given one’s relationship to the other. Thus it is thought that a parent emotionally neglects a child when the parent fails to show the child the level of affection or attention that, as a parent, she should (even when she may be providing for the physical needs of the child, such as food, health care, clothing, and shelter).”

Your partner may still suffer from the effects of a neglected and abandoned childhood and doesn’t know how to display the nurturing part of love in your relationship.

6. You are experiencing physical or emotional abuse.

As a child, you depend on others for safety in your surroundings and environment. However, if you grew up with abuse, the world is unsafe; therefore, you will continue to play out the same emotional and physical abuse you learned as a child. You might not even recognize it. Usually, the things we fear and dislike in others are the ones that are very prominent in ourselves. For example, a child with alcoholic friends hated the circumstances and grew up following the same behaviors. Emotional and physical abuse are more profound signs of something that has not been addressed: repressed anger, fear, loss, abandonment, and insecurity. Are you willing to continue putting yourself through this, and at what cost?

7. Your partner is showing signs of addiction

Lance Dodes, M.D. is a former professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He shares his research on addiction as follows:

“I have found that virtually all addictive acts have this form. This psychology that drives addictions can be summarized in three elements:

Every addictive act is preceded by a feeling of helplessness or powerlessness. Addictive behavior functions to repair this underlying feeling of helplessness.
States of overwhelming helplessness, such as the feelings that precipitate addictive acts, produce a feeling of rage. This rage is actually a normal response to the serious emotional injury of losing a sense that one is in control over oneself and one’s life.
In addition, the rage at helplessness is always expressed via a substitute behavior (a displacement). If this feeling were expressed directly, there would be no addiction. If drinking were how a man regularly dealt with states of overwhelming helplessness, then he would have a repetitive, intensely driven, apparently irrational drive to drink. We call such compulsive behavior an addiction.”

8. Your partner isn’t taking care of his/her body.

If you find that your partner isn’t on top of his/her hygiene or appearance, as before, this is a sign of emotional withdrawal and neglect. The underlying cause can be sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, or other emotional turmoil. He/she may not be able to understand the behavior. You may address it lovingly, but it might not be well-received.

9. Your partner doesn’t touch you.

When someone is emotionally withdrawn, they also become physically removed. There might be another person in the picture. Or the stress of the hidden emotions is overwhelming. If you can’t discuss the reason for the lack of touch and anger rises, it’s time to truly get help. No one wants to be in a relationship with emotional and physical neglect.

10. Your partner doesn’t care about your emotions.

How was your partner when you began your relationship? Was they supportive? Or have you always been the one to reach out to make and mend the relationship? This is the time, to be honest about your relationship. Do you want to continue in a union with someone who doesn’t want to get help, doesn’t want to talk about things, and doesn’t care how you feel? The beauty of a safe and healthy relationship is in the ability to compromise and love one another without judgment. Be honest. Find your truth and follow your intuition. Your relationship shouldn’t be an emotional prison.

10 Reasons Why Most Women Don’t Find A True Gentleman

September 1, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Women often complain that chivalry is dead and that no true gentlemen are left in the world. But, chivalry is a concept from the medieval period that dictated the behavior between two warriors.

The code of chivalry only relates to women in that women were a man’s property (either daughter or wife) and what a warrior needed to do so as not to offend his host or liege lord by not taking liberties with the women of the house.

The idea of the gentleman grew out of the aristocracy and the chivalric code when firearms made the knight obsolete. With their purpose (waging war) taken away from them, the aristocracy had to justify their existence and maintain their warlike demeanor even though they were rarely called upon to fight. Out of this grew the idea of personal honor and the willingness to fight at the drop of a hat for any offense, real or perceived. Throw women into the mix, and men fought, killed, or died to protect a woman’s honor.

Remember that this time period had very little law and order, and women in particular had very few rights as they were still seen as property. During this time, minstrels were touring Europe and singing ballads about the deeds of chivalrous knights and their romances with (often unavailable) women.

These stories were very different from the actual state of things and were essentially romance novels, songs, and poems of the period.

What does this history have to do with the modern world? Those same warped ideas about chivalry have been passed down through the generations through stories, books, plays, movies, and television. The intersection between this romantic fantasy and the modern world where men and women are equal leads to the ten reasons why most women don’t find a true gentleman.

10 Reasons Why Most Women Don’t Find A True Gentleman

1. The tale of ‘Prince Charming’

Women are raised to expect a prince charming to sweep them off their feet and carry them into a magical land where they are rich and royal and live happily ever after. As fantasies go, it isn’t bad but completely unrealistic on almost every level. This is beyond the means of 99.99% of men on the planet, yet movies, TV shows and books sell this plot line to women relentlessly.

Why?

Because it sells. It is a fantasy that women want and when reality doesn’t come close to meeting this fantasy, some women become embittered. Especially when women fall for narcissistic manipulators pretending to be Prince Charming who use those women and cast them aside.

2. The idea that women need rescuing

Men, on the other hand, are expected to rush to a woman’s aid at the drop of a hat only to be shuffled off into the friend zone. Sometimes a man goes out of his way to help a woman, only to be told, “I don’t need your help, I can do it myself.”

Women have been told for the last fifty years that they are equals and can do anything a man can do. If you want knights back, then ladies have to encourage it. Men know that women are their equals already.

3. The pay-to-Play fallacy

Gentleman should always pay for the date except for when a woman is specifically taking the man out, and that is established before the date commences. But, it is generally understood that the man will pay for everything when on the date, no questions asked. Dinner? Sure. Dancing after? Absolutely. Movie? No problem. After years on the dating scene, gentleman will be able to tell the difference between women who are sincerely interested in a relationship, and those who are using men to subsidize their lifestyles(there are a lot of them these days).

With the proliferation of dating apps, a woman in a reasonably sized city could get a date every night of the week. That is hundreds of dollars a week in free meals and entertainment. A gentleman isn’t stupid. So, these women are left with those men who are just as shallow, materialistic and selfish as they are and complain that chivalry is dead. It isn’t dead. A gentleman isn’t going to be your next sucker either. If you want a nice gentleman, you must be a lady in return. Be sincere, gracious and honest with yourself about why you are on that date.

4. Holding out for “the one”

If there is a one for you, they are probably slinging noodles in Shanghai. There are over eight billion people on the planet. The odds that the ONE goes to the same gym as you is beyond ludicrous. So stop using that Mr. Perfect who resides in the matrix of your fantasies to judge all men against. No one can live up to your idea of “THE ONE,” so the men you go out with will fall short of your unrealistic expectations. No one is perfect, not even you.

5. Putting financial security ahead of love.

It is almost a joke that women all want to marry a doctor, lawyer or someone with another high-paying career. See, the thing is, doctors and lawyers are heavily invested in their jobs and have horrible working hours, which means they don’t have time for you or your needs. They can throw cash at you through jewelry, clothes or cars. But, you might find that you are incredibly lonely. Maybe you should have given that sweet history teacher who gave you his coat on a cold night a chance. You might struggle a little more financially, but you might have found a true gentleman who made you happy.

6. Immature male behaviors

What girl doesn’t want to land a guy whose family is loaded? The problem with these guys is that they never earned their own way. They were given the best education, fancy cars, and just about every whim catered to them because their parents were too busy making the fortune they are now enjoying. See, the thing is, he doesn’t know the value of anything because he hasn’t had to earn it, fight for it or struggle through heavy odds to achieve anything.

He also doesn’t value you. You are a trophy to him, something he collects and will most likely discard once you wreck your body giving him children. That is what you can look forward to, being replaced by a younger model. He does it with his cars; why not with you? After all, you are just another possession to him.

7. The Beauty who looks for her Beast

People don’t really change. If he acts like a beast, it is because he is a beast on the inside and outside, and you are not going to change him. Violence, rage, screaming and abuse are fine in a story on the big screen, but no one should have to endure that in real life.

Find someone who is gentle with you and treats you like the lady you are. Don’t expect a beast to be anything but a beast.

8. Expecting other people to change

You have been kissing a lot of frogs to find your prince. But, that is not how it works. You shouldn’t go into a relationship already expecting a man to change into something he is not already. Do people change over time? Sure. But don’t expect a man to suddenly change into “THE ONE” (see above) just because you kissed him.

9. The Tarzan fallacy

You think that taking some wild man out of his natural habitat, whether that is an African jungle or the concrete jungle, and enlightening him with your civilized ways is a good idea. Then go right ahead, but understand this. He will always be that wild man in his heart. So, if you don’t want a wild animal who swings from the vines and wrestles gorillas, you may need to revisit your motives for wanting to change him. Is it to suit your needs so that he will fit into your world? Or is it because you think you can polish those rough edges? Don’t go into a relationship expecting him to turn into something he isn’t. Either you want him the way he is or you don’t.

10. Looking at the book without opening it

You want a gentleman, great. But, he may not look like what you expect. He may be big, grouchy and intimidating but also the most sweet, caring and affectionate man you have ever met. Don’t judge a book by its cover; you may find your true gentleman where you least expect it. After all gentlemen, like ogres and onions, have layers.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Avoid Saying These 8 Things to Someone With Depression

September 1, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Depression hits hard and can linger for long periods if left untreated. It’s the overwhelming sense of sadness, gloom, and doom. This mental disorder is debilitating, as it paralyzes the person into withdrawal and stress and can contribute to suicidal thoughts. These “blue moods” can turn into serious disorders that require treatment. Depression may also be a symptom of some other mental health issues.

Depression exists if you have at least five of the following symptoms for at least two consecutive weeks:

A depressed mood during most of the day. You might especially notice it in the morning
Fatigue or less energetic almost daily, or at least several days per week
Feeling worthless or guilty almost every day
Impaired concentration or indecisive
Insomnia (the inability to sleep) or hypersomnia (sleeping excessively) almost every day
Marked diminished interest or pleasure in most daily activities
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide (no fear of death)
A sense of being slowed down
Restlessness
Unintentional and noticeable weight loss or weight gain

This mental illness is not a joking matter. The last thing anyone needs, suffering from this mental disorder is uncalled-for suggestions or sarcastic remarks. You might think you are helping by insensitive remarks, but they do not help.

8 Things Never to Say to Someone Who Struggles With Depression

Here are eight things you should avoid saying to someone suffering from depression:

1. “Will you snap out of it already?”

This statement dismisses the mental disorder. It makes the person feel as if he or she is feeling sorry for themselves. It forces the person encountering the sadness to introspect and withdraw from others. No one wants to be a burden to anyone.

What to say instead: “Would you like to talk about what you’re going through?” Offer a listening ear and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings.

2. “It’s all in your mind.”

In our society, we have been ingrained with the stigma of mental illness as a considerable dysfunction. We are bombarded with the media’s constant scrutiny and negativity about depression, anxiety and other disorders. Even though millions of folks suffer from one sort of mental disorder, we are still incapable of being sensitive. We see mental illness/disorder as a sign of weakness. Saying this to a person is degrading their ability to feel emotions. You are letting them know that they are making things up.

What to say instead: “I’m here for you.” Let them know that you will support them no matter what.

3. “I thought you were stronger than this.”

Usually, those who make these types of comments are folks who, themselves, avoid confronting their emotional issues. This is a bullying attitude. It’s disregarding the person’s emotional state while trying to bulldoze yourself into a better mood. If only it were that easy!

What to say instead: “You’re strong for reaching out.” Acknowledge the courage taken to open up about their struggles and seek help.

4. “Suck it up, toughen up, life is hard for everyone.”

This statement is hardcore insensitive. It’s expressing a lack of compassion for sadness and emotions. Someone who says this has a massive issue with reaching their own emotions. In other words, it’s letting the person know that the universe doesn’t revolve around them. This also expresses that depression is a sign of weakness.

What to say instead: “Let’s find some resources together.” Help them explore treatment options or therapy, and offer to help them find a mental health professional if interested.

5. “No one ever said life is fair.”

This statement is the opposite of empathy. It’s like telling the depressed person to escape their self-absorbed world and return to reality. A depressed person has little energy to see clearly. The sadness is overwhelming. Depression is not selfish. It paralyzes the ability to see the positive side of life.

What to say instead: “It’s okay to not be okay.” Let them know that you understand that depression can be a complicated and overwhelming experience and that you don’t expect them to recover without support.

6. “Grow up.”

Depression can hit anyone. You aren’t exempt from it at any age. This comment expresses a lack of compassion and quickly discards the sufferer’s feelings. The underlying symptoms of depression are serious matters. “Grow up” is not the solution. Sometimes being so grown up and full of overwhelming responsibilities triggers depression.

What to say instead: “Take your time.” Let them know there’s no rush to heal and that taking things one day at a time is okay. Encourage them to focus on self-care and treat themselves well as they heal from their depression.

7. “Perhaps you should try learning from your mistakes.”

Some people believe that by pointing out another person’s flaws they are helping the person or giving them a different perspective. But someone suffering from depression already feels the world’s weight on their shoulders. What this statement does is create even more insecurities. The depressed person knows his/her mistakes. Bringing it up doesn’t help, but it causes more stress. It adds an intense sense of failure.

What to say instead: “It’s okay to ask for help.” Remind them that seeking help for depression is a sign of strength, not weakness.

8. “Happiness is a state of mind.”

A healthy mind can adjust to its surroundings. But, a mind under severe stressors, anxiety, or depression cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Depression can be triggered by a considerable loss or change in life. Mourning and sadness are parts of life. At this moment, this person cannot conquer the mind over matter. It’s not something they will quickly shake off.

What to say instead: “I believe in you.” Offer words of encouragement and support. These words let them know you have faith in their ability to overcome depression.

Final Thoughts on Knowing What to Say to Someone Dealing With Depression

Depression can arrive at many times in our lives. There is help out there. Our uplifting community on Facebook, psychotherapy, medication, natural cures, and alternative life changes can lessen the burden. If you are suffering from this disorder, please get help and don’t entertain such comments as those above. Your mental and physical health is invaluable; you do not need anyone projecting how you should feel when you need loving support.

Research Reveals 7 Signs of A Nervous Breakdown To Never Ignore

September 1, 2016 by Power of Positivity

The Mayo Clinic describes a nervous breakdown as “a stressful situation in which someone becomes temporarily unable to function normally in day-to-day life. It’s commonly understood to occur when life’s demands become physically and emotionally overwhelming. The term was frequently used in the past to cover a variety of mental disorders, but it’s used less often today.”

The term “nervous breakdown” is not a medical term. It also does not specify a mental illness. A nervous breakdown, however, can indicate mental health problems that need addressing. These can be derived from depression, anxiety, or stress. It may be a huge indicator that you’ve reached a limit on how much you can take and endure in your present state of being “stressed out” or “at the end of your rope.” There is a limit to how much we can endure. Recognizing the signs that can lead to other health issues is essential.

Here are seven warning signs of a nervous breakdown:

1. Lack of concentration.

According to the University of Maryland Medical Center, stress can boost your brainpower by releasing hormones that increase memory storage and help in concentration. Unfortunately, chronic stress affects your attention span, ability to focus on projects, and normal functions. In severe cases, the stress hormone cortisol can actually lessen your memory. It’s essential to recognize your stress levels and make time to do things that can reduce the heaviness. You can exercise, be outside in nature, or even take time to meditate.

2. Irregular heartbeat.

You may feel an irregular heartbeat when you have a nervous breakdown. You feel your heart pounding against your chest, and it becomes hard to breathe. Oftentimes, you may even begin to sweat. A panic attack has similar symptoms. When you get this checked by a doctor, the symptoms will show that everything is fine. Good deep breaths with long inhales and exhales, as well as stretching, can help with opening up the chest area. Anxiety and stress can mimic the symptoms of heart problems.

3. Upset stomach.

Stomachaches are often physical signs of anxiety and stress. If you notice increased stomach pain, constipation, gas, bloating, or diarrhea, you could suffer from irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). IBS is triggered by the immune system’s responses to stress. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anywhere from 50 to 90 percent of those suffering from IBS have a mental health condition, like generalized anxiety disorder or depression. If you suspect you have IBS, talk to your doctor about physical and emotional relief options.

4. Tension headaches.

Stress can cause tremendous headaches. We tend to hold everything inside, and the body tenses. Our neck and shoulder muscles become rigid, and the next thing that’s affected is our head. Notice your posture. Are you slouching? Are you sitting up properly and walking straight? When we are under stress, our physical and emotional bodies get attacked. Our muscles work overtime, especially around the head and neck area, ready for fight-or-flight mode. Tension headaches can also be signs of other health issues. If your headaches persist for weeks on end, please seek professional medical assistance.

5. Sleep problems.

Lack of sleep is one of the most common causes of mental stress, especially extreme stress levels. Depression causes more extended periods of sleep and the inability to function correctly during the day. Too much sleep is triggered by too much stress, anxiety, and other mental disorders. Symptoms of insomnia include lying awake for long periods before falling asleep, short sleep intervals, being awake for the more significant part of the night, overwhelming feeling of not sleeping at all, and/or waking up too early in the morning. Your doctor will diagnose sleep problems based on your medical and sleep histories during a physical exam.

6. Depression.

Nervous breakdowns can be part of depression. Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person’s thoughts, behavior, feelings, and sense of well-being. Depression can be the underlying cause of your nervous breakdown. If you have little interest or pleasure in doing the normal things in your life or you feel hopeless, these are severe signs of depression. If you have restless thoughts or suicidal thoughts, please get professional help. Untreated bouts of depression can lead to tremendous mental and physical health problems.

7. Anxiety.

Anxiety is caused by fear and phobias. It’s the inability to see past this moment with an overwhelming sense of paralysis. Being fully stressed out all the time is a common symptom of anxiety. Anxiety disrupts sleep, causing racing thoughts for hours at a time. While some anxiety is generalized, others can be more specific. When the anxiety connects to something specific, like certain situations, it can be crippling. Medication for anxiety is common in severe cases. Psychotherapy and other mind-body modalities, such as acupuncture, yoga, and hypnotherapy, can reduce stress and fears.

As with every significant change in your health, please do not ignore symptoms that persist. A nervous breakdown can cause many other health problems. It’s important to recognize that we may need help to cope with the stressors, anxieties, and sadness every so often. Don’t deny those who love you the chance to support and nurture you.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

This Is What The Color of Your Pee Reveals About Your Health

September 1, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Urine is your body’s liquid waste product. Your urine is a combination of water, salt and chemicals called urea and uric acid, which form when your kidneys filter your blood of waste products. Medication, illnesses, and certain foods can affect how your urine smells and what color it is. The color, consistency, and smell of your pee can indicate certain things about your health, like how hydrated you are, whether there is an infection in your bladder or urinary tract or whether your kidneys are functioning correctly.

What the Color of Your Urine Reveals About Your Health

Yellow Color

Your urine should be a pale gold color. The color comes from urochrome, which is a pigment your body manufactures. If your urine is clear, you are either very well hydrated due to drinking lots of water or taking a diuretic that helps your body get rid of liquid waste. If your urine is a dark honey color, you are likely a little dehydrated. It would help if you drank fluids, preferably water, but pure, cold-pressed fruit juice or vegetable juice is good too. It would be best if you stayed away from caffeinated drinks like coffee, soda, tea, or energy drinks, as caffeine is a natural diuretic and will dehydrate you more quickly.

Pink or Reddish Color

Some foods like carrots and beets can turn your urine slightly pink. Some medications, like the antibiotic rifampin or phenazopyridine, which treats urinary tract infections, can also turn your pee pink. There may also be blood in your urine, which could signify kidney disease, urinary tract infections, prostate issues, kidney stones, or a tumor. Always see your physician if your urine is a red or pink color. Extreme exercise can also cause your urine to be pink or the color of cola due to muscle injury and kidney damage.

Orange Color

The same drugs and antibiotics that cause your urine to be pink or red could also cause an orange color. High doses of vitamin B2 could also cause the urine to turn orange. It could also signify that you are dehydrated or have a liver or bile duct issue. Consult your physician if you are drinking plenty of water, not on those antibiotics, and still have orange-colored urine. If you also have pale stools, yellowish skin, and eyes, it may be a sign that your liver is malfunctioning.

Blue or Green Color

Some other medications, like the anesthetic propofol or the allergy medicine promethazine, can cause your urine to turn a green or blue color. The usual reason for such a color is artificial dyes in your food being voided through your urine. Green color can also be the result of a pseudomonas bacterial infection. If the color doesn’t fade after a few days, consult your doctor.

Deep Red or Brown Color

A deep red or brownish color urine is an identifying characteristic of porphyria, which is a rare and inherited genetic disorder of the red blood cells. It could also indicate liver disease if it is a brown ale or syrup color. You could also be dehydrated. See your doctor if this condition persists.

Foamy or Frothy

Regardless of color, if your pee looks foamy or bubbly, you may void a lot of protein, which can indicate an issue with your kidneys, and you should see a doctor immediately.

Cloudy or Murky

Urinary tract infections and kidney stones can make your urine appear cloudy.

Smell

When dehydrated, the urine is very concentrated and will smell strongly of ammonia. Some foods like asparagus will cause your urine to smell strong, as will some medications and vitamins like B6 supplements.

Things you don’t see

There are things in your urine like low blood levels that won’t turn the urine a different color or sugar, which could be an indicator of diabetes. Make sure you get yearly checkups, including urinalysis, to check for those invisible things.

Psychologist Reveals These 4 Behaviors Are The Biggest Predictors of Divorce

September 1, 2016 by Power of Positivity

The divorce rate for couples in the U.S. is between 40 and 50 percent, so it is important to understand the 4 behaviors that psychologists say are the biggest predictors of divorce. Knowing these four behaviors is not the same as fixing the problems that may or may not be present in your marriage, but we also have some advice on what you can change to avoid the unfortunate ending of what was once a happy beginning.

Psychologist Reveals These Four Behaviors Are The Biggest Predictors of Divorce

By no means is this a comprehensive list of all the things that can go wrong in a marriage, but science backs up these behaviors that can lead to the demise of your relationship. This is an excellent place to start with for what to do less of or avoid if you want to live happily ever after into your golden years.

1 – A lack of communication may indicate a couple heading toward divorce.

The first sign is a lack of communication. Stonewalling is when one partner withdraws from the conversation, either to avoid conflict, or to avoid discussing an uncomfortable issue. Shutting off communication with your spouse by ignoring them as you check your phone, or watch TV, is obnoxious behavior that can lead to divorce because it makes your partner feel unappreciated.

See behavior number four (below) for more about communication problems and how to solve them. If you feel that tightening in your gut and chest when your partner brings up a topic that you’d rather not discuss, face your fears, put down the phone, and give them a listen. Of course, the hope is that they will do the same for you because marriage is a partnership and it’s going to take both of you working on things to make it successful.

2 – Unhealthy relationships may be fraught with negativity

The second sign is exclusively expressing negative feelings. Bottling up your emotions is unhealthy, but expressing only negative ones toward your partner might be one of the most significant predictors of divorce.

Do you nitpick at your partner’s behavior? Do they nitpick at yours? These petty, negative discussions may predict whether or not your divorce. Of course, you dislike things about your partner and vice versa, but bringing them up does not change your behavior. It only makes your partner resentful that you don’t seem to love them just as they are.

Instead, you might try a more positive approach. For example, ‘I appreciate it when you put your dirty laundry in the hamper’ versus ‘Do you have to leave your smelly socks on the living room floor every day?’ You can see the difference. Catch your spouse doing something right and praise them a lot. Try to stop making negative comments and ask them to do the same. A lifetime of these negative statements can wear away at the love and intimacy you once felt for each other.

3 – Changes in physical affection may be a divorce warning sign.

The third warning sign is a noticeable decrease in affection toward your partner. Sure, you love your spouse, but do your actions and words show them this daily?

No one wants to feel taken for granted, and when they do, they start to wonder if they are in the right relationship for them because they could get more affection elsewhere. Research has found that not showing affection toward your partner could lead to divorce.

4 – Couples on the rocks are less responsive to each others’ needs.

The fourth and final warning sign of divorce is a lack of responsiveness to your partner. Active listening is a skill that is often overlooked by most people when it comes to maintaining harmony in a relationship and avoiding divorce. Researchers at the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington were able to predict divorce accurately 83% of the time and marital happiness 80% of the time based on several factors, including those we have already mentioned.

In addition to the above factors, actively listening and engaging with your spouse is important. When your partner speaks, listen as if your marriage depended on it, because it does. Put away distractions, turn your face and body toward your partner, make eye contact, and quiet your inner thoughts and judgments about what they are saying. Calm your emotional state as well and pay full attention.

When your partner speaks, nod, and say things like ‘I understand.’

No matter what your partner says, try to summarize what you understood from their words.

For example, you might say this. “I can understand why you might be upset that I left my socks on the living room floor, and I appreciate that you would prefer them in the laundry basket.”

Even if you choose not to pick up your socks right then, actively listening, demonstrating understanding, and acknowledging your partner’s negative emotions alone will help your partner feel understood and appreciated, which can help you avoid divorce.

Happy vs. Unhappy: 10 Things Happy People Do Differently

August 31, 2016 by Power of Positivity

What makes happy people love life? What is their secret to living in joy? Is it that they see the glass is half full, or that the glass is actually refillable? Happy people attract more of the things that make them content. They know not to sweat the small stuff, and when to walk away from those things that are toxic.

We have been taught to believe in several myths about happiness: Money makes you happy; being in a relationship makes you fulfilled and happy; the older you get, the less happiness you will find. But, these are myths that have been debunked by truly inspiring and happy folks. Visionary and inspiring author, Dr. Wayne Dyer, knew the secret to happiness. He said, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” Happiness is a shift in perception.

Here are ten things that happy people do differently

1. Compassion versus animosity

Happy people love to help others. They know that by giving to the less fortunate, they feel they’ve made a difference in someone’s life. And, this brings joy. A person who has no compassion is merciless and cannot see the joy in giving. They are selfish. Empathy pulls and tugs in the heart of a happy person. They enjoy giving more than receiving.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” ~Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness

2. Accept versus resist

These beautiful souls accept life as it appears. They aren’t always in perfect harmony with their circumstances, but they learn to find lessons in all challenges and evolve from there. An unhappy person resists, and we know that whatever we resist will persist. Happy people go with the flow. They know that things happen for the higher knowledge of growth and the expansion of our soul.

3. Love versus apathy

Joyful people love everyone. Love exudes from their being. They are able to see the best in anyone. Because of this, they can find qualities in others that aren’t visibly there. The person who carries hate in their heart is always miserable. They are full of apathy, anger, and intolerance. They judge from a place of fear. But, love is what makes a happy person shine.

4. Forgiveness versus unforgiving

Happy people don’t hold onto grudges. They don’t regret things and carry them around. Indeed, they release resentment because they know that it damages the mind, body, and spirit. They let go of the past. They know that in order to continue finding joy, they have to release whatever has happened. People who are unforgiving tend to attract misery, negativity, and illnesses into their lives. Rubin Khoddam wrote in Psychology Today, “Forgiveness is not saying what happened was okay. Forgiveness is not saying you accept the person who wronged you. Instead, forgiveness is choosing to accept what happened as it happened rather than what could or should have happened. Forgiveness can mean that you let go. Forgiveness can mean you love from a distance. Forgiveness can mean you step into your present rather than anchoring in the past.” And, this is how a happy person forgives.

5. Admiration versus criticism

Happy people struggle like everyone to reach their goals, but they don’t hold on to self-judgment or criticism. They believe that you reach your dreams by staying positive. They know that family is the highest thing on their priorities. And, they treat everyone with dignity and respect. The unhappy person judges and criticizes another in order to feel better about themselves. They live in a state of insecurity.

6. Obstacles versus problems

Happy people aren’t exempt from struggles. They still have major financial issues, relationships that end, and other life challenges. However, these type of positive people cultivate happiness even in moments of deep life-changing struggles. Oftentimes, they see a challenge as an opportunity to do something different. If they lost their job, they might take the time to find something else that calls for their passion. If a relationship ended, they might see it as a chance to travel alone. They see the silver lining in the horizon and run towards it.

7. Abundance versus poverty

The positive person attracts an abundance of all types. It’s not just money. They attract a wealth of information, people, and health. They are able to witness how wealth is attracted by positive thinking. The negative person lives in a poverty and scarcity mindset. They live in fear of not having, lead by tremendous anxiety. Happy believes in the power of manifesting dreams.

8. Strengths versus weakness

Happy folks utilize their strengths to get ahead. They don’t focus on weakness and the lack of anything. They know that when you work hard, you see results. Whereas the negative, unhappy person tends to live in victimization mode. Joy is a high-frequency vibration in the body and it strengthens everything around you. The happy person utilizes this as much as possible.

9. Gratitude versus ingratitude

French novelist Marcel Proust said it beautifully, “Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” Happy people look at everything with rose-colored glasses, opening up perspectives and being fully conscious of their world. They live in gratitude. It’s not just about being grateful with others. They are grateful with just being in this world, navigating all sorts of rocky waters. They don’t take things for granted. The happy person makes sure they give thanks as much as possible. They are humbled and full of humility.

10. Positivity versus negativity

We all know that one person who is always saying positive things. Life may be difficult for her, but she still remains faithful to seeing the good in everything. Positivity is not just an attitude, it’s a way of life. Happy people also take responsibility for their decisions and actions without blaming others. They live in a state of high awareness that there are sudden fluctuations in the journey, but there is a deeper reason for things that happen.

Happiness arrives from within. No job, relationship status, destination, or circumstance can provide it for you. It is an inside job. The moment you shift your awareness and raise your vibration to joy, you will find a solution to your problems. Expect the miracles. Happy people live through serendipity and the magic of chances.

How to Tell If Your Partner Is Your Soulmate (Or Not)

August 31, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Do you have a mental list of what you expect and desire in a soulmate? Does your current partner match up to that list, or some of those characteristics?

We often attract our partners in an unconscious manner that does fulfill what we want in a life partner. Sometimes it’s enough, while other times it doesn’t come close to what we desire. When you meet your soulmate, you know it. There is an undeniable attraction that goes beyond that list that has been mentally creating itself since childhood. But what happens when some characteristics or qualities don’t appear in our partner? How do we know what to look for?

Here are 11 qualities that let you know if your partner is your soulmate or not:

1. Will they support your heart’s desire?

Not only does your partner support your dreams, he or she makes it possible for you to reach them. This person is your number one cheerleader and supporter of what makes you happy. Your partner doesn’t just give you a helping hand, he or she helps you build the path towards reaching whatever you desire. And, this person doesn’t criticize how you get there either.

2. Do they add purpose to your own path?

Your partner enriches you with love. He or she brings out the best in you while giving you confidence, security, and respect. Your partner is a constant source of nourishment. It’s not that you can’t live without this person, but that you shine because of his or her presence. Your partner reinforces the fairytale story of being in love.

3. Do they make you laugh from the inside out?

Can you be silly with your partner? Do you have fun with your significant other in ways that are absolutely childish and fun? Is he or she the most amazing person to get you out of a bad mood? If your partner makes you laugh, rather than make you cry and depressed, you have a gem. This person is the joy that makes your heart skip a beat. Keep that person close to you.

4. Can they compromise?

Mark D. White, PhD, writes in Psychology Today: “A healthy relationship should affirm who each partner is and allow each person to meet his or her needs together with the other. A lesser relationship demands that one or both partners change in a deep and meaningful way to meet the needs of the other, which compromises one or both of the persons involved. In such cases, the compromise serves the relationship, which is backwards—the relationship should serve the persons in it.”

A healthy partnership has the ability to compromise without hurting one another.

5. Can you trust them?

It’s believed in our society, that betrayal is inevitable. However, when you are in a loving and trusting relationship, it is never an issue. If your partner isn’t giving you reasons to distrust him or her, then you are in a secure and nurturing relationship. Your partner should be giving you the confidence to trust and be trusting. It is a two-way street. When there is no insecurity in a relationship, then there is no need to distrust.

6. Are they forgiving?

We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. At some point in a relationship, there will be disagreements, heavy compromises and then forgiveness. If you and your partner can easily forgive, then you are in a beautiful soulmate relationship. If your partner isn’t constantly bringing things up from the past, or rehashing old fights, this person is a keeper. The most rewarding characteristic in a loving relationship is the ability to let go of the past.

7. Does your partner show you gratitude and appreciation?

Your partner values your thoughts and opinions and shows gratitude for them. He or she appreciates the little things you do. And, because of your partner’s behavior, you give of yourself even deeper. Nothing says acceptance more than feeling seen, heard and appreciated. We all want to be acknowledged, and your partner should be the number one source of this feeling.

8. Do they love (all of) you?

You partner loves you wholeheartedly with all quirks, eccentricities, and neuroses. You both accept one another unconditionally and bring out the best qualities in each other. And, because he or she accepts all of you, he/she accepts your family and friends (which are a part of your life). We all have flaws, so your partner should be the one person to never magnify what the rest of the world tends to already do for you.

9. Can you safely be vulnerable?

You don’t have to be afraid of your partner running away from your emotions. He/she can assist you through emotional waters. Vulnerability is not feared in your relationship. You can be at your weakest and your partner will help you find your strength. There is an unsound ability to being raw and not feel judged. If your partner allows you to shed your soul without criticism, he or she is a gem.

10. Can you be your authentic self around them?

Partnership is the union of two souls coming together in a contract to love and support one another. This doesn’t mean that you lose yourself in the process. A real soulmate allows you to be who you are without needing to fix you, reshape you, or restructure your characteristics. He or she indulges in your authentic power and grows from there. You both can have different needs, desires, abilities, friends, hobbies, and creativity without feeling responsible or making excuses for the other. There is no jealousy or sense of worthlessness.

11. Do you feel they bring out your best?

Your partner wants nothing more than to journey this life with you. He or she wants to experience life to the fullest with you. Your soulmate is your navigator through all the deep and rocky waters. This person enhances the most wonderful parts of you. If your lover is able to help you navigate through life with joy, stability, and loyalty, he/she is a soulmate.

“When you’re in love, you’re capable of learning everything and knowing things you had never dared even to think, because love is the key to understanding of all the the mysteries.” ~ Paulo Coelho

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