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10 Things Strong Women Don’t Give A Damn About

October 1, 2016 by Power of Positivity

We’ve witnessed incredible progress in the status of women in the past 100 years. That said, the demographic that makes up nearly 49 percent of all people is still due some postponed justice. And among those are many a strong woman ready to shine in the limelight.

Although there is much debate regarding the true “status” of women in society, consider these statistics:

– Women earn 21 percent less pay than men. The average earnings for a man in 2013: $50,033. A woman: $39,157.

– Of all Chief Executive Officers (CEOs) of Fortune 500 companies, just 22 of them are women.

– In a study of 272 women, 54 percent reported having experienced workplace sexual harassment.

We venture a guess (and hope) that most people reading this article hold the viewpoint that both genders are equal. Different, but equal. Sadly, society as a whole has obliviously failed – on numerous occasions – to bridge the gap that exists between the sexes.

As a result, women have had to endure struggles that are not often voiced. Consequently, most women have inherently strengthened themselves from having to endure unjust treatment. Problems persist, but so does the female will.

“I’m tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.” – Madonna

This segues into this article, “10 Things to Stop Giving a Damn About When You’re a Strong Woman.” While the title may sound somewhat combative, it is not intended to be as such. But the truth is that women do need, and should have, internal characteristics that help them navigate a society that can be very challenging.

Here are 10 things strong women don’t give a damn about:

1. Giving a damn about fashion

Some women love fashion for the sake of the art, and that’s different. But “keeping up with the Joneses” is not something women should take particular pride in. The purchase of an overpriced garment – one that will be “out of fashion” in a month or two, is definitely not something a strong woman should give a damn about!

2. Giving a damn about a bad “ex”

Many men have no quibbles about giving women a heads-up in the “class” category. Hey, when the majority of crimes are committed by men – including aforementioned, ubiquitous sexual harassment – there should be faint argument otherwise.

That said, strong woman, despite all of your good intentions, stop giving a damn about that unsavory character you once called a “boyfriend.”

3. Giving a damn about “staying in your place”

This is not 1916, it’s 2016. Women should not feel obliged to remain content with “keeping quiet,” “keeping about the household,” and other antiquated, compartmentalized roles they “should” have. Give us all a break. Strong woman, you don’t need to “stay in your place;” quite the contrary, we need your good head and heart to venture outside of it.

4. Giving a damn about toxic relationships

Kind of related to #2, but more broad in scope. Most women are incredibly empathetic and loyal, and some are prone to avoid conflict with whoever may be toxic in their life. The truth is that some people are bad for us, even if they do not recognize it.

5. Giving a damn about mistakes made

This one applied to both sexes, but strong women shouldn’t get too carried away by past mistakes. As mentioned, women have a tendency to “feel” a bit deeper than their male counterparts; this includes feeling mistakes for a period of time far beyond committing them. Rest assured, strong woman, you’ve got much to offer beyond some silly mistake.

6. Giving a damn about Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat…

In itself, there is nothing wrong with social media…it is just a tool. But, as with many other things people have managed to somehow screw up, we manipulate the tool to be something for which it wasn’t designed.

The prolific use of social media has had a “net negative” effect for many women, particularly teens and young adults. The simply reason is that we place far too much emphasis on who pays attention to us (i.e. “likes” or “friends”). Who cares? Be you strong woman, be you!

7. Giving a damn about a so-called “perfect body”

Ok…first off, this doesn’t exist. What exactly is a “perfect body”? Who gets to decide what constitutes a “perfect body”? Some men do not particularly care for a slim, toned look for females; yet, it is so heavily propagated in a myriad of media outlets.

It’s difficult to explain exactly why this is, but one theory is money. There’s a lot of revenue in fashion (surprise!) and in publishing, and the “forces that be” have decided for us what body form to emulate and admire. Who gives a damn?

8. Giving a damn about status

There’s a lot of “status” related things on this list isn’t there? Sadly, our society pushes the “latest and greatest” onto young women more than any other demographic. Again, money is deemed to be the culprit here.

That aside, just be your “best you.” Define “success” on your own terms. Strong woman, your perceived “status” will never define your true character.

9. Giving a damn about conformity

Outside of a few distant places, women have the right to speak their minds. If you’re fortunate enough to live in such a place, please do so!

Strong woman, we need your input. You’re smarts, strong character and good heart are all desperately needed in this day in age!

10. Giving a damn about other people’s opinions

“You don’t have a right to your own opinion, you have a right to an informed opinion.” This statement, while certainly subjective in nature, can indeed apply to one’s character. Unfortunately, there are so many assumptions made about a woman’s character that has absolutely nothing to do with the truth.

So, strong woman…stop giving a damn about someone’s uninformed opinion!

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Evening Habits That Set You Up For A Day of Success

October 1, 2016 by Power of Positivity

The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand. – Vince Lombardi

Those of us who have played sports or been involved in any kind of competitive activity, will attest that several variables – controllable and uncontrollable – ultimately determine our success. Our job is to execute on the former without being negatively impacted by the latter.

Vince Lombardi is considered by many to be the most outstanding professional football coach of all time. Perhaps Lombardi’s most celebrated attribute was his ability to motivate and get the best of out his players and staff. He realized that people require drive and motivation to produce their best work and be successful.

Lombardi also realized that, while he was a great coach, much of the will to succeed came from inside of the players themselves. And so it is with each one of us. If success is to be our destination, we must commit to self-discipline. We must commit to “perfecting” the right behaviors and mitigating the wrong ones. This includes recognizing – and working on – all controllable factors…even those that are much less obvious.

Our evening habits play a crucial role in our success, though we may not give them the attention they deserve at times. It is so easy, in this era of overwork and overexposure to stress, to use our evening time counterproductively. We must resist such forces, however tempting they may be.

To that end, we’ve developed a list of five evening habits that will prepare you for a day of success. We encourage you to consider each one and measure your aptitude on each.

Here are five evening habits that create tomorrow’s success:

1. Prioritize physical activity

This is a drum that has been beaten before, and will be beaten again: physical activity – of any and every kind – is absolutely critical to our well-being. This also includes our relative success. When we prioritize physical activity, we’re fine-tuning our minds and bodies for the work ahead of us.

Though not a “typical” time for working out, getting your sweat on at night can be beneficial. After all, what better time for a physical and mental tune-up than after a long day’s work? We could probably use some stress relief too, and exercise is arguably the best stress reliever out there.

2. Give loved ones your time

Of course, it is important to devote some of your valuable off-time to friends and family. Success isn’t truly success unless its achieved with your loved ones. One of the perceivable shortcomings of some of those who’ve achieved great success (e.g. Einstein) is that they did so while sacrificing their relationships. Maybe it wasn’t the intent of Mr. Einstein, but many of his relationships were an abysmal failure; though, the man himself remains one of the most celebrated.

Most of us are not Albert Einstein. We’re probably not going to devise anything similar to the Theory of Relativity; or attempt to provide an equation for the space/time continuum. But, whatever our definition of success is, we’re going to find it difficult to get there without prioritizing our loved ones. Even if we should achieve it, as Einstein did, that success may be more bittersweet.

3. Identify tomorrow’s three biggest tasks

This one is incredibly important. Many people are not particularly adept in short-listing our work…we kind of just “go with the flow” at times. The process of trying to achieve success is made more difficult when we don’t prioritize, and this includes in our work.

So, to make things simpler, jot down the tomorrow’s three most demanding tasks and commit to them early. In doing so, it’ll become more difficult to get sidetracked; either with less-important tasks or useless distractions. More energy will be expended in completing these tasks, while both our collective attention and energy will become much more focused.

4. Commit to lifelong learning

Success is more of a mental exercise than anything else. Our cognitive abilities directly impact the likelihood of success on any scale. Thus, it is important to keep our brain active. One of the best ways in ensuring that we remain cognitively-active is to learn something new, each and every day.

The world is saturated with enough interesting information to keep us occupied throughout multiple lifetimes. A terrific way to obtain this new information, while continually-developing our smarts, is to commit to reading for a designated period of time every evening. Give 15 minutes a go at first, and then commit to more if so willing and able.

5. Reflect on the day and give gratitude

Before a well-deserved sleep, make it a goal to reflect on the day. What were some of the successes? What could you have done better? Look forward–what will you do the same tomorrow? What will you do differently? Be honest with yourself.

The eclipsing day undoubtedly brought its trials; and sometimes it’s important to reflect on those, as mentioned above.

Just as important, however, is to recognize – and give gratitude towards – the many blessings that unfolded throughout the day. What are you grateful for? Remember that gratitude and carry it forward. As John F. Kennedy said: “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciate is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

4 Signs Someone Is Suffering From Emotional Distress

September 30, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Modern society is a sea of drama. From real dramas that play out, sometimes in real time, across the news/twitter/podcasts or just with family to fake dramas on the television or at the movies, we are saturated in things that push our emotional buttons. There is drama all over social media. Then, there are the close to home dramas of work stress, deadlines, children and family. We are like the frog that is slowly boiling to death in a pot whose temperature is rising so slowly the frog does not notice it until it is dead. The people around us notice when we start getting short with people, drag around work or home with little energy, and bite people’s heads off for no apparent reason.

Here are four signs you are emotionally distressed, and how to heal from them:

1. You Withdraw From The World If You’re Emotionally Distressed

Most of us deal with the daily drama by trying to escape into books, video games, sports or music. When you are emotionally distressed, you spend more and more time in these fantasies as a way to escape the reality lurking just outside. We just want to relax on a beach with a cold drink in our hand. When life beats us down, we want to run for our life.

What you need to do is turn around and push through it. This seems counterintuitive, but you cannot run from your problems or the drama in your life forever. Face them down one by one. Eliminate that drama from your life through solving the underlying problem or removing the drama from your life. So change jobs to something less stressful or more enjoyable, stop hanging out with that friend who generates drama constantly, or ask for help in reducing the stress in your life. Don’t let circumstances dictate your response. Take back control of your life. You are the master of your fate; you are the captain of your soul.

2. When You’re Emotionally Distressed, Your Patience Wears Very Thin

Yes, we get very snippy when we are stressed. We have zero patience for people and their BS. We want to be done with work/school/commitments right freakin’ now. That’s it…we are done. So done with this. Everyone can see that you are frazzled and stressed out.

So, take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and let everything that is bugging you the hell go. Just let it go. Let’s face it. The things that are stressing you out are not going to be fixed right away. This isn’t a marathon. It is a siege, months or years of slowly grinding through the enemy defenses until you can storm in and achieve your goal. So, settle in for the long wait while you chip away at your stress. This isn’t a struggle for miles, but for inches. Fight for every single inch. Claw and crawl towards your goal an inch at a time. Don’t give up. Don’t waste valuable energy blasting everyone around you with your frustration. Be patient and keep moving forward. One inch at a time.

3. You Feel Drained All Of The Time

Chronic stress and drama can drain your mental, physical and emotional energy. It zaps the will. You feel trapped in a tarpit surrounded by other folks who are also desperately trying to free themselves from the trap. The more furious your struggle against it, the quicker you will tire out and and the further you will sink into the pit. At this point, there are two ways this could go: You can lay down and quit or…

You can get up and fight like hell. Yeah, you are tired and stressed. So is everyone else. If you need to recharge your batteries, then go do something to relieve that stress. Turn up the Rocky training montage and hit the gym, go for a hike, or go dancing. Get the blood pumping and the endorphins flowing. Remind yourself that you are alive and vibrant and full of power. Do this even when all you want to do is collapse on the couch. A body in motion stays in motion. Staying in motion is the very definition of being alive.

4. Negative Emotions Bubble To The Surface

Anger, bitterness, jealousy and frustration will bubble to the surface much more easily and quickly when you are emotionally distressed. The barriers between your negative emotions and the rest of the world are weakened by the stress and drama. Those emotions also escalate much faster and with more power as we lack the energy to hold them in check. People that are under stress will lash out with a vehemence that most people were unaware they possess. Inside everyone lurks a primal beast. Most of us keep that beast caged and starve it into submission. It feeds on negative emotions, and the more you have, the more powerful it becomes.

So, how do we rob this beast of its power? Well, you take it for a walk. Do something constructively destructive. Go do a few rounds on the heavy bag. Chop up that tree in the backyard that needs to be turned into firewood. Sign up for Habitat for Humanity and get in on some demolition work before a remodel gets going.

You have a couch that needs to go in the trash? Chop that sucker up into little pieces out in the backyard so that it will fit in the trash can. Scream your frustrations to the sky. When the beast is too tired to fight back any longer, then you stuff it back into its cage. Take control of your life again. Take control of your emotions again. Wear that beast out like a Matador wearing down a bull. When it is good and tired, you finish it off and move on with your life.

Final Thoughts on Coping With Being Emotionally Distressed

You are not a victim of life, or of circumstance, unless you let yourself be a victim. You are in control of your actions and you are in control of your emotional state. Emotional distress and stress in general is a dragon in your life. You can lay down and let yourself be eaten, you can slay that sucker or you can grab a saddle, wrestle it into submission and ride that armored fire-worm into the sunset like a total bad-ass. It is all up to you.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

How to Identify (and Get Rid Of) Limiting Beliefs

September 30, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Are your limiting beliefs holding you back from leading your best life?

There are two wolves at war for your soul and the one that wins is the one you feed. There is a positive, constructive and determined one and a negative, counter-productive and hopeless one. Like all wolves, they hunt in and are reinforced as a pack. If you surround yourself with negative thoughts and people, then you will fall prey to that mentality. You will see hopeless situations everywhere you look. You will give up before the contest has adequately gotten started. If you cultivate positive outlooks, identify and dismiss negative thoughts or viewpoints and surround yourself with positive people, you will find yourself empowered and motivated.

So, how can we identify and eliminate negative and limiting beliefs or thoughts? Well, here are some methods to try.

How to Identify (and Get Rid Of) Limiting Beliefs

1. Identify Which Wolf You Are Feeding

The easiest way to do this is to write down how you feel about situations in your life that you wish were better. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to find the love of your life? Or, do you want that better job / promotion? Write down what you think about your situation and how likely that situation will turn out positively or in your favor. This should be your stream of consciousness; don’t overthink or analyze your thoughts just yet. Put it away for a day and look at it tomorrow with fresh eyes. Find all of the negative statements, thoughts or feelings you put down and highlight them. How much of what you wrote is negative or self-criticizing? If it is mostly negative thoughts, then you are feeding the wrong wolf.

2. Find The Truth In Your Thoughts And Feelings

Just because you feel it is true doesn’t make it objectively true. Be brutally honest with yourself here. Look your feelings right in the face and stare them down. You might feel that there are no good men/women left in the world, but is that really objectively true? The world’s population is going up exponentially, so there are people finding love and making babies. Maybe you are holding onto a fantasy version of love that isn’t real and that fantasy is limiting your choice of partners. Most of the time, those negative thoughts are just other emotions masquerading as truths. Anger, bitterness, and frustration can all lead to us justifying our failures to ourselves with thoughts that, when viewed from a distance, are objectively false. Strip yourself of unrealistic fantasies. Take a hard look at your strengths and weaknesses. Find the areas you want to improve and write down your objectives.

3. Flip The Script

Once you have identified those negative feelings and thoughts and confronted the truth of your situation and what you realistically want, then you can start to flip the script. Take each of your negative thoughts and write out a positive version of those thoughts and feelings. Go from “I could never lose 20 lbs” to “I will lose 20 lbs in the next six months”. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones with realistic and achievable goals. Do not set unachievable goals for yourself. Those things that seem unachievable when looked at as one large long term goal can be very achievable when broken down into much smaller, near term and very achievable goals. How do you move a mountain? One spoonful at a time.

4. Do The Work

Now that you have identified your negative thoughts, reasoned that they are false and set yourself positive achievable goals, you can begin doing the work necessary to achieve those goals. You cannot sit on the couch and expect to lose weight. Nor will you find love if you don’t put yourself out there and go on dates. You will never get that dream job if you don’t educate yourself and work hard to get it. If you free your body then your mind will follow. If you fail – and you will from time to time – do not get discouraged. It is just an obstacle in your path. Walk around it, climb over it or push it out of the way. Improvise, adapt and overcome. Everyone is powerful when they set their minds to a task and don’t allow themselves the luxury of giving up or turning away. There is no quitting. Your life is, quite literally, on the line.

The 21 Day Relationship Challenge

September 30, 2016 by Power of Positivity

We all know that relationships can get a little messy sometimes. However, just because you hit a few roadblocks doesn’t mean that you should turn around so quickly. If you want to make your relationship last, you probably know by now that it takes extreme effort, commitment, time, and patience. It takes compromise, active listening, kindness, generosity, love, and acceptance for a relationship to last. However, modern society can easily take its toll on even the strongest of relationships.

When this happens, you need to give some extra TLC to your relationship. You need to step back and figure out, together, what you can do to keep the flames burning, to keep that spark alive between you two. When you truly love someone, this won’t seem like a hassle, but rather, an important step to take in the health of your relationship.

Maybe this 21 Day relationship challenge backed by science will help you to rekindle the flames with your partner or simply break down the walls between you two. Maybe you’ve felt stagnant in your relationship lately and want to spice things up, so take a look at this 30 day challenge for some fun, meaningful relationship ideas!

The 21 Day Relationship Challenge

Day 1: Stare into your partner’s eyes for at least 3 minutes. A study done by UC Davis showed that when couples stared into each other’s eyes, their heart rates became synchronized.

Day 2: Put items in a time capsule that represent your relationship. Then, agree to open it at a later time. You’ll have something to look forward to, and this will help you to focus on positive aspects of your relationship.

Day 3: Go for a quick walk down a new street or nature trail. This will boost both of your moods due to doing something different together.

Day 4: Have dinner together, but instead of at the table, make it a picnic! You can do this either indoors or outdoors, depending on the weather. Sharing a meal together, without phones or other distractions, will help you to reconnect and focus on one another.

Day 5: Surprise your partner with a note in their purse or wallet that they will find later in the day at work. Or, simply show your man or woman that you care by making their lunch before work or bringing them breakfast in bed on their day off. Generosity brings your partner immediate happiness, so try it out sometime.

Day 6: Do a project together, whether that means organizing an area of the house or building a shelf for the movies to go on. When you do something seemingly boring and tedious together, it becomes a fun project that both of you can tackle as a team.

Day 7: Go on a date to one of your favorite places that you’ve been together. This will bring back fond memories, plus offer more opportunity for connecting.

Day 8: Send your partner a funny text, video, or meme during the day. A sense of humor is necessary to make it through life, especially in a romantic relationship.

Day 9: Dance with your partner at home. Just turn on your favorite tunes and break out some dance moves! (You might even learn some new ones from your partner!)

Day 10: Eat chocolate together. Dark chocolate, especially, contains plenty of antioxidants and releases endorphins that will make you feel good. Or, go to a local bakery and bring some treats home to enjoy together!

Day 11: Hold your partner’s hand at an unexpected time, such as at home on the couch. This will surprise them, as well as make them feel safe and paid attention to.

Day 12: Give your partner at least 10 compliments today. Regular assurance and kind words make all the difference in a relationship. Compliments don’t cost a thing, but mean the world to your significant other.

Day 13: Light some candles and put on some soft music when you both get home from work. This will relax both of you and set the mood for a peaceful, rejuvenating evening.

Day 14: Go on a nature walk together, or watch a sunrise/sunset. Being together in the wild will help you bond, and relax both of you. Plus, you might even discover a new place to go on adventures in the future.

Day 15: Get healthy together! Make today the day to start a new workout routine or cook a healthy dish together! You don’t have to do anything too extreme – just a jog before work or some bodyweight exercises are enough to get a routine going.

Day 16: Look at old pictures of you and your lover together. This will hopefully bring back great memories and remind you of where it all began. Also, remember to keep taking pictures regularly to add to your scrapbook!

Day 17: Play a board game, color, play hopscotch, or do anything else that brings you back to childhood. Remember, adults can act like kids sometimes, too!

Day 18: Go to a bookstore for some new books, or even better, choose one that will strengthen your relationship. For example, maybe you could buy a book that asks questions to get to know one another better.

Day 19: Make cooking fun and interesting by making a dish out of whatever you have in the pantry and fridge. Chances are, you’ll come up with a pretty unique concoction that will hopefully taste good and bring some laughs into the kitchen!

Day 20: Kiss as often as you want – it’s good for you! Regular kisses show your partner that you can’t get enough of them, and are also a sweet reminder of how you feel about them.

Day 21: Volunteer together. Helping other people better their lives together will deepen the bond between you, and make other people happier at the same time.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

15 Ways to Break Down Walls In Your Relationship

September 29, 2016 by Power of Positivity

It is a cruel and unforgiving world out there. Dog eat dog, survive the fittest, and go the spoils to the victor. Sometimes we feel safe behind fortified walls; we shelter in a safe harbor away from the fierce and uncaring sea. Sometimes we do this in our relationships out of fear, doubt, anger, or shame. We fear being hurt, again and again. We doubt our self-worth or that anyone could ever love us. As a result, we are angry that we are not where we thought we would be in life or who we thought we would be with. Sometimes, we are even ashamed of our failures and missteps along the way.

These emotions and feelings build thick defensive barriers between us and everyone else. These walls may keep us safe, but then again, so does a cage. We can only live a genuinely fulfilling life through accepting some risks and acting decisively when the time comes to do so. A ship is safe at anchor in a protected harbor, but that is not what ships should do.

Fifteen Habits to Build a More Authentic Relationship

Here are fifteen ways to break down the walls in your relationships holding you a prisoner.

1. Overcome Fear with Courage

We fear being hurt or missing a golden opportunity. We fear failure. Fear is our greatest enemy and always has been. Fear will prevent you from acting decisively when you need to. Furthermore, fear will cloud your judgment and push you to make false assumptions about people. Courageous people do not lack fear. They are scared out of their minds like everyone else. The key is not letting fear guide your actions. Push the fear to the back of your mind. Act. Act despite your fear.

You would be surprised at what you can accomplish even when afraid. That beautiful woman/man that you want to approach and talk to but can’t seem to muster the courage? Well, get over there and talk to them. What have you got to lose? Rejection? Well, you aren’t with them now, so what does it matter? And if you do manage to talk to them, you could win their heart. You can’t win anything without courage—the courage to try.

2. Banish Doubt with True Grit

Everyone has doubts–our ability, our partner, our attractiveness, and our worth. If we have doubts and know ourselves the best, why should anyone else believe in us? Be honest about your abilities and weaknesses, and then use your courage to try something. Keep trying until you succeed. The act of perseverance when all the odds are against you is a mark of true grit. True grit is the ability to keep going no matter what. I am sure you had heard it from your father when he said, “Suck it up and keep going.” That is what it means to have true grit. You take the punches and keep moving forward. You keep moving forward because that is how winning is done. Sometimes all your partner wants you to do is try, not to succeed, but to make an effort.

3. Release Shame and Embrace Acceptance

There are things in everyone’s past that cause shame. Sometimes, we are ashamed of who we are inside. Or perhaps we feel shame about our jobs or education. Sometimes we are ashamed of our circumstances or mistakes. The critical thing is that shame holds you down in a hard pit to escape. The only way to escape is to accept yourself and your circumstances. Accept your partner and all of their baggage as well. Once you accept all of that, then you can start moving forward. Do not hold mistakes or events in your past against yourself or your partner. Today is a new day. Yesterday is gone and done. There is nothing you can do to change the past, but you can start changing your future.

4. Refuse Judgment of Others or Yourself

Once you have accepted your past and your partner’s past, you can refuse judgment of yourself and refuse to judge them. Being overly critical of past mistakes is counterproductive and damaging to an excellent long-term relationship. If you find yourself keeping score or holding onto grudges, you are part of the problem. People screw up, even you. Sitting in judgment of them is not your place and does nothing to strengthen the relationship. That is not to say you should not have standards or embrace unacceptable behavior, but if someone is honestly trying to start fresh and better themselves, including yourself, then reminding them of their failures does not move the relationship forward. It moves it backward.

5. Let Go of Resentment and Embrace Love

We resent people or situations because we are angry with them. Being angry always wears you down and adversely affects all of your relationships. No one wants to be with someone angry and resentful all the time. Let go of it. Let go of it because you refuse to judge others for their past, and you have released your shame and accepted yourself the way you are. Embrace your love for yourself and others. Use that love to build yourself up, build up your partner and build up the foundation of the relationship. Eventually, you will build that foundation so much that you have buried the walls between you.

6. Good communication

Good communication breaks down walls in any relationship. Of course, good communication is more than talking to someone. It’s asking them good questions, maintaining eye contact, and staying focused on what’s being said. Good communicators avoid bad habits that build walls in a relationship.

Not focused: Looking at your phone or walking out of a room while your partner is talking signals you’re not interested in what they have to say.
Giving unwanted advice: Don’t be the answer person to your partner. Hold your thoughts and opinions while they’re sharing. Only advise if they express a desire to hear what you think.
Judging: Don’t assume you know your partner’s motives. Don’t criticize them. This is sure to put up some walls in your relationship. Please give them the benefit of the doubt and assume the best about them. Treat them how you like to be treated.

7. Show respect

When you show your partner respect, the walls in our relationship will come down. Showing respect means you acknowledge they have feelings and opinions that may differ from you, and that’s okay. You respect them for who they are rather than wanting them to be like you. If you’re going to break down the walls, practice these respectful habits.

Show compassion in word and deed.
Admit when you’re wrong
No hurtful name-calling
Be patient
Take responsibility
Be quick to forgive without holding it over them
No eye-rolls, heavy frustrated sighs, or other actions to display your irritation

8. Be a good listener

A good listener is an active listener. When your partner is talking to you, look into their eyes, lean forward, and give them your full attention. Being an active listener improves your communication, but according to researchers, it can enhance the happiness in your relationship. If you want to break down the walls of your relationship, develop your listening skills.

9. Show emotional support

Showing your partner emotional support means you will be with them in the good and wrong times. You care about how they feel, and when they’re sad or frustrated, you look for ways to support them. Displaying emotional support means asking your partner good questions to draw them out about their feelings, such as:

How did that make you feel when your brother said that to you?
When your boss did that, how did you react?
How does work worry you the most?
How did it feel when you got passed over for the promotion?
Can I support you more during this challenging time?

Even if you think you know how your partner feels about something, it never hurts to ask. It might surprise you what they’re feeling.

10. Be honest

Relationships have their ups and downs. You don’t always “feel in love” with your partner. Sometimes your partner makes you mad or sad. It doesn’t cancel your love or commitment. Being honest enough to say I’m struggling right now is good. Blame shifting and ranting at your partner is never a good idea. Words damage, and once something is out of your mouth. It’s impossible to take it back. Communicate honestly but kindly, and remember that difficulties come and go. This is the best way to break down walls in our relationship.

11. Forgive without strings

No one enjoys it when someone says they forgive you, but keep bringing up what you did. An ancient text says it well.

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. (Proverbs 17:9 NLT)

If you want to break down the walls in our relationship, be willing to forgive. Remember that you make mistakes so you can forgive your partner. Without forgiveness, the walls will never come down. Be sure to vocalize your forgiveness rather than pretending nothing happened. This is unauthentic. Take the time to talk about what happened and express your forgiveness. Be sure to apologize for any contributions you made to the incident.

12. Show gratitude

Expressing gratitude is a sure way to break down walls in your relationship. Showing gratitude for your partner builds positivity in your relationship. It makes your partner feel appreciated. You can show your partner gratitude through your words and your actions.

13. Be careful what you text

Lots of conversations with your partner happen via emails and texts. Be sure to consider what to say and how it may come across. It’s easy to misread someone’s attitudes behind a text or email. Even the most benign text can be received wrong if you’re not careful to fill in details.

14. Show patience

Your partner isn’t perfect, but so what, neither are you. Choose your battles in your relationship. Are you willing to yell at your partner because they throw their clothes on the floor? Is it worth it? Show them patience by your words and actions. Let go of your anger and bitterness. These are unproductive attitudes that put walls up. Talk about problems, but show kindness, care, and, most of all, patience.

15. Show affection

Healthy relationships are built on the appreciation. Hugs, a sweet caress, or a tender kiss before you leave for work tell your partner you love them. Things that you can do to break down walls in your relationship with affection include:

Lots of hugs
Kisses when you get home from work and when you leave
Holding hands in public
Smiling across the room at your partner
Little gifts
Checking in via text or phone call
Saying, “I love you.”

Final Thoughts on Breaking Down Walls in Your Relationship

You must be intentional if you want to break down walls in our relationship. You can kick down these walls with good communication, good listening skills, and showing emotional support. Express your gratitude to your partner and show them affection every day. Having a healthy relationship is worth the effort. Getting the walls out of the way will allow your strong, healthy, and authentic connection to flourish.

5 Ways to Move On When Life Isn’t Fair

September 29, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Someone or something always has the advantage, and there are usually two options: think negatively, or positively about it. We do best when we take responsibility for our actions, identify the problem, make a plan to fix the problem and then work on the plan.

The last thing you need to do is understand that not everything is under your control. Sometimes, you just gotta roll with the punches until you spot the opportunity to make progress.

When life isn’t fair, these 5 things can help you move on

1. Identify the Problem

The first thing you need to do when confronted with an obstacle in your path is to identify what the problem really is. Is it a broken part that needs replacing and bad employee that needs firing, or a personal emotional issue that needs to be addressed? Figure out what is causing the problem in your life. This may require us to face some very uncomfortable truths about ourselves, because maybe our own decisions or judgment is the problem. Be ruthless at this stage. Stop at nothing to identify the root causes of the problem in your life.

2. Devise a Solution

Once you have identified the issue that is causing the problem in your life, you have to figure out a way to overcome that problem. Do you lack financing for your new business? Find a way to improve your credit rating, tighten up your business plan or reduce costs during the startup period. Did you fail to get that promotion due to a lack of education or experience? Then find a way to get the experience you need through training programs, internships or volunteering. Need more education? Then take a course a semester in the evenings until you get that degree or certification. Every problem has a solution, but sometimes the solution is another problem on its own.

Work your way down the tree until you find the root cause, then start remedying that one first. Take it step-by-step, and before you know it, you will know what you need to do. Plan in detail and make backup plans in case you need to change direction on the fly. Shoot holes in your plan. Get others to shoot holes in your plan, then go about making changes to the plan to make it as bullet proof as possible.

3. Work the Plan

Once you have identified the root cause of the problem in your life and have started working on a solution to fix it or go around it, then you can start working the plan. Working the plan requires discipline and determination. Adjust your plan for issues that come up when they come up, but stay the course. Don’t lose sight of your ultimate objective. Stay laser focused on your goals. You have spent a lot of time coming up with this plan and you want to stick with it as much as possible, but no plan survives contact with the enemy. Be prepared to alter course or change the method of success, but never give up. Press through difficulties and keep your eye on the prize.

4. Accept Help from Others

If you get in a bind or find yourself in a situation you cannot get out of, then don’t be afraid to accept help from others. We succeed often as a team. Just like you would not hesitate to help a friend or loved one with their project or issue, then let them do the same for you. We all stand on the shoulders of giants, and others will at some point stand on our shoulders as well. We advance as a civilization by the very fact that we help each other and cooperate so effectively.

5. Understanding Control

The last thing is to accept that there are things in this universe that are out of our control and cannot be planned for. Sometimes, things just happen for no rational reason. Accept responsibility for the things that are under your direct control or influence and nothing else. If there is nothing humanly possible that you can do about it, then let go of it. You can only be expected to predict those things that are predictable. When the unpredictable happens, ride it like a wave. You cannot stop the wave, but you can make the wave work for you or against you.

10 Things Healthy People Do Differently

September 28, 2016 by Power of Positivity

What comes to mind when we close our eyes and try to imagine a “healthy” person? Maybe eating right, working out hard, calisthenics, protein shakes, portion control…you get the idea.

And make no mistake, most healthy people do some or all of these things. But it may surprise some of us how much about a healthy person we actually don’t know. It turns out that many of these folks aren’t “gym rats” or “calorie counters.” They actually take a much more deliberate, measured approach in how they tend to their physical and mental health.

So, how do they do this exactly? Well, as with many things, methods are highly individualized. However, there are some interesting (and highly-effective) traits of healthy people that some of us may want to emulate.

We discuss 10 inconspicuous things that healthy people do differently:

1. They listen to their body

Make no mistake, doctors are incredibly intelligent people. However, they are prone to be wrong from time to time. Healthy people are very holistic in terms of the regimens they subscribe to; along with who’s advice they seek. Additionally, healthy people understand that they body feels a way for a certain reason. Put another way, the body can signal when something needs to be eaten at a certain time.

2. They don’t fad diet

Fad diets (see: Atkins, South Beach…) have the potential to sell false hope. “Being in a diet,” in itself, really isn’t a good thing! Need proof? It’s estimated, depending on the source, that a scant 3-5 percent of people that lose weight via a fad diet actually keep the weight off!

The old cliché “it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle” is actually pretty darn accurate.

3. They prioritize time in the kitchen…

In a society where so much emphasis is placed on convenience, it’s very difficult to eat healthy on the regular. Healthy people – many of them as busy as most everyone else – find ways to cook their meals at home. More importantly, however, they cook the right foods at home.

4. Then they stay away from the restaurants/bars/burger joints

Well, 99 percent of the time anyways (see #10). Seriously, most restaurant, bar and burger joint food is utter garbage. Delicious garbage, maybe, but garbage nonetheless. It goes without saying, but consuming these foods is tremendously counterproductive to our health.

5. They consider the “true cost” of food

Fruits and veggies aside, some healthy foods can be a bit costlier. The reason is really simple. Most bagged foods we see (e.g. chips) and boxed foods (e.g. frozen lunches) are mass-produced using the cheapest available ingredients – including mass amounts of chemicals, additives and preservatives. Meanwhile, real natural and whole foods contain very little of these things, and are sourced responsibly. Of course, the latter is much healthier than the former.

But healthy people consider the “true cost” of food – what it does to their bodies – more-so than the numbers on the price tag.

6. They “eat clean”

Healthy people are very conscious of the ingredients in foods; often choosing to spend a bit more to get higher-quality products (see above). “Eating clean” is a term used to describe this: choosing foods minimal in ingredients and maximize potential health benefits.

7. They stay away from processed foods

Most “ready-to-eat” foods are highly-processed. This really is no different than injecting ourselves with a bunch of unknown substances. While food preservatives are important to the masses, they are considered detrimental by many healthy people.

Quite simply, it is very possible consume only foods with minimal processing if efforts are made to do so.

8. They shop around the aisles

Aisles are where all the “garbage” food is. Look around at a supermarket the next time you’re there. First, walk the perimeter of the store and note what you see. Then, walk down each aisle within the same market. Fruits, vegetables, seafood, dairy, lean meats…all of these foods are located around the aisles. Within the aisles? Potato chips, soda, frozen meals, desserts, etc.

9. They eat a lot (really!)

As mentioned prior, health people listen to their bodies. Therefore, they will not hesitate to satisfy their cravings when need be. Healthy people talk often about eating 5 or 6 meals a day, with snacks in-between.

So, healthy people eat a lot. The differences are: (a) they have a built taste for healthy food, so this is the food they’ll reach for, and (b) they metabolize much of their food quality because they are healthy.

10. They don’t deprive themselves

Deprivation is not a healthy characteristic. It is important to make a distinction between deprivation and desire when it comes to health. Healthy people don’t deprive themselves of anything…quite the contrary, actually. They have a voracious desire to eat right, eat clean, eat often, and completely understand what they put into their bodies.

“No matter how old you are, no matter how much you weigh, you can still control the health of your body.” – Dr. Mehmet Oz

21 Actions That Show Your Partner Isn’t Interested Anymore

September 28, 2016 by Power of Positivity

As we are all well aware, a relationship is a two-way street; there has to be a mutual and foundational understanding for the entire thing to work out. If this foundational mutual interest does not exist, the relationship will likely deteriorate to a point where it is beyond repair.

Perhaps the most challenging scenario is when one person in the relationship cannot make things work despite all their best efforts. Understandably, this person will often safeguard their emotions by unconsciously enabling denial. “Ah, it’s only temporary” or “He/She will come around.” This is not always the case, however, which is the point of this article.

“I’m not interested in trying to work on people’s perceptions. I am who I am, and if you don’t take the time to learn about that, then your perception is going to be your problem.” – Jim Brown, Former NFL Football Player

We’ll discuss several signs – 21 to be exact – that may indicate that your partner isn’t interested any longer.

21 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Interested Anymore

Here they are, in no particular order.

1. They are always “too busy”

Two people in a healthy relationship always make time for each other, almost without exception. This is evident during conversations when they will quickly disengage and fire some random, unmerited excuse about having to do “something important.”

2. They’re around more when they want something

Many humans are inherently selfish creatures, but a disinterested partner becomes a bit more selfish than most. They have no problem ignoring you 90 percent of the time, but the remaining 10 percent is when they “really need” something. Anger ensues.

3. They’re non-communicative

Communication that is non-existent or highly sporadic is a clear sign of disinterest. After all, who doesn’t want communication with a person they care about?

4. They always talk about themselves…

When there is communication, the topic of discussion always seems to focus on them. This is perhaps most evident when they are on a tirade of something burdensome, like work.

5. …while taking little interest in your life

“How was your day?” is a phrase no longer incorporated by the disinterested one. Instead, they remember they’re disinterested and either shut down or redirect the conversation to numero uno.

6. They’re very controlling

This is borderline abuse, plain and simple. See, they’re not actually interested in you, but they are interested in controlling you. It’s despicable behavior that should signal the victim to run the other way.

7. They’re incessantly blameful

Continuously blaming someone else without merit is often an intentional act to push someone away. It’s cowardly and, again, borderline abusive.

8. They’re frequently disrespectful

Ugh…yeah… someone that isn’t interested anymore can get downright nasty in their mannerisms and other behaviors. Again, this is their character flaw, not yours.

9. They seem to change you…for the worse

It’s not uncommon for someone on the receiving end of a disinterested person’s mischiefs to feel changed. As a result, you may find that you smile less, are more lethargic, and so on. A very unfortunate realization, indeed.

10. They disregard your value

This one truly is troubling. A person that is (1) lacking basic decency and (2) categorically disinterested will have no trouble in devaluing someone else; even someone they used to “care” about.

11. They don’t bother including you

Oh, you used to hang out with each other’s friends? Not anymore. They got a promotion and didn’t tell you? It shouldn’t be a surprise…they’re already disengaged.

12. They’re heavy on the excuses

Similar to empty apologies, excuses are thrown around when we lack any motivation to abstain from such behavior. An interested person doesn’t issue meaningless excuses.

13. They seem less concerned about your welfare

When we truly care for someone else, we make it a priority to concern ourselves with their welfare. Heck, even a stranger can sympathize or empathize with someone else. This is disrespect to the highest degree.

14. They begin ignoring your inner circle

This doesn’t always take place, but ignoring/disrespecting/avoiding your inner circle is an intentional act. It’s effective at provoking anger.

15. They issue empty apologies

Episodes of empty apologies seem to be on a loop when one begins to feel disinterested. It’s simple really: they don’t find it necessary to put meaning behind their words anymore. Kind of similar to how you’re sorry when arriving late at work…if that makes sense.

16. They seem to “forget” a lot

Especially concerning things that they used to remember. When this happens, it is almost assuredly a sign of disinterest. When we’re not engaged, we tend to “hear” more often than listen.

17. There’s a lot of sex, but not much more

“Friends with benefits” doesn’t apply here, as you’re supposed to be considered much more. When casual sexual encounters are frequent, but true intimacy isn’t, it speaks volumes about their real intentions.

18. They’re non-committal

When the other person evades anything in regards to commitment, it’s generally not a very good sign. The only exception to this rule is if you’ve been dating for a short period of time while discussing the future together. Other than this caveat, the other person just isn’t interested much.

19. They treat others better than you

The lady at the local grocery store bagging your stuff seems to get better treatment than you do. When he or she is cordial to seemingly everyone else but you, it’s a sign that things are disintegrating quickly.

20. They’re cheating

This one kind of goes without saying. Cheating is a sign of complacency at best and a sign of complete disinterest at worst. Either way, it shouldn’t be tolerated.

21. You always seem to be crying

This is the unfortunate result of any number of behaviors listed here. Feelings get hurt, people get upset, and tears are shed. However, if this happens frequently, it’s time to move on.

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