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10 Manners Every Parent Needs To Teach Their Kids

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To exhibit good manners is nothing more than consciously understanding the importance of treating fellow human beings with dignity and respect. On the surface, this notion seems rudimentary and straightforward; however, many of our fellow humans lack the necessary understanding, along with the effects of treating people in such a way.

Why is this? Well, as with many cognitive and behavioral traits, its development begins at childhood. The human brain develops at a much quicker pace throughout childhood years than at any other stage of life. This understanding of development makes it all the more important emphasize the golden rule of “treating people how you would like to be treated.”

Any shortcomings in developing the empathetic nature of a child can yield undesirable consequences. Firstly, the child is less likely to exhibit the type of mutual understanding necessary to establish and nurture relationships. Secondly, the child is susceptible to becoming an outsider; one that resorts to isolation rather than social interaction – a genetically inherited element of human beings; traceable as far back as the “caveman” age.

Examining the sociological evolution of mankind throughout history is far (far) beyond the scope of this article. Instead, we have chosen to focus on what mannerisms children should understand in their early years.

Here are ten manners that every parent should teach their children:

‘Good manners: polite or well-bred social behavior. Example: “it’s nice to meet a young man with such good manners.”‘ – Oxford University Press

1. Saying “Please” and “Thank you.”

The simple words of “please” and “thank you” seemingly go a long way in a society inexplicably devoid of such basic, common courtesy. Not only are these basic words polite and well-mannered, but they also help to build a foundation upon which future relationships will be built.

2. Saying “Excuse me.”

People do not appreciate, whether right or wrong, having their personal space encroached upon. Whether it’s accidentally bumping into someone, attempting to get someone’s attention, or navigating through a crowded area, saying “excuse me” is not only polite but also increases the likelihood of someone respecting your right intentions and obliging accordingly.

3. Teaching them not to interrupt

Interrupting someone while they’re attempting to speak is perceived as incredibly rude and ungracious. Teach your child the “80/20” rule or the axiom of “2 ears and 1 mouth.” Active listening is, unfortunately, not a practice that is common in today’s “look at me” society.

4. Teaching the importance of gratitude

A simple thank you note or responding graciously to a gift is a great way of teaching a child the importance of gratitude. As the child develops, parents may wish to embellish upon the importance of being grateful for what one has regardless of circumstance.

gratitude quote power of positivity

5. Learning the importance of hygiene

This is not to say that your child should attempt to remain germ-free. But understanding the elementary rules of “covering your mouth when you cough” or “washing your hands after using the toilet” are subtle suggestions that promote self-discipline and courtesy towards others.

6. Teaching basic “table manners.”

Table manners are underappreciated in terms of teaching a child self-discipline and respectfulness. When a kid sits down to eat, please don’t allow them to leave without excusing themselves, teach them not to reach across the table to grab something, and so on.

7. Holding the door open for others

Wholeheartedly, the act of holding the door open for someone else epitomizes good manners. It also displays respect to others.

8. Responding to someone else’s question

Children have a short attention span. This is not to be considered a maladjustment of any kind. Their brain is still developing, after all. However, encouraging a child to respond to an adult’s inquiry is a terrific way to teaching them the importance of attention, discipline, and respect for authority.

Speaking of which…

9. Emphasizing respect for teachers and authority

An orderly society requires individuals who adhere to authoritative figures. Teachers, policemen, and those who carry the burden of enforcing societal order should be treated with respect.

What better time to teach this important aspect of society than during childhood? Emphasize the importance of respecting elders, raising a hand during class, and politely entering and exiting the classroom, which are just a few ways to encourage respect for those who keep our society in working order.

manners

10. Teaching the importance of cleanliness

Whether it’s assigning chores, insisting they clean their eating area at the table, or picking up toys in their bedroom, cleanliness is a close relative of orderliness. Children learn by what they see and are instructed to do. As such, insisting upon a clean and orderly environment that involves their participation is a great way of establishing a good sense of manners.

3 Ways To Melt The Most Stubborn Belly Fat

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Stubborn belly fat can make you feel less than comfortable in your skin. If you hope to melt it away, understanding how it forms is an excellent starting point to making a change.

The fat contents in food are either visceral fat or subcutaneous fat. Visceral fat is stored in the abdominal cavity, meaning it’s around several essential internal organs, such as the liver, pancreas, and intestines. This type of fat responds well to exercise and a healthy diet.

Subcutaneous fat doesn’t respond as well to diet and exercise, but you can get rid of it. This type of fat is simply the excess fat lying directly underneath the skin, mainly in the stomach and abdominal areas.

In this article, we focus on how to melt away this stubborn type of body fat. As with any exercise and nutritional regimen, we must remain dedicated and focused on sticking with the process.

How to Eliminate Stubborn Belly Fat

get rid of belly fat

1. Aerobic and Interval Training

As subcutaneous fat is much harder to shred than visceral, we must allocate more time to aerobic training – or cardiovascular exercise (cardio). Harvard Medical School recommends at least 30-minutes of moderate-intensity cardio exercise. Intermittent exercise sessions (two or three days per week, for example) will not yield many measurable decreases in subcutaneous fat levels.

The American College of Sports Medicine states it may take between 60 to 90 minutes of aerobic training, up to five times per week, for some individuals to lose weight. The good news is that you don’t have to do the entire duration all at once. You can eliminate subcutaneous body fat in multiple workout sessions throughout the day.

An alternative to moderate-intensity cardio is interval training – a more intense form of cardio. Interval training is just alternating the high-low intensity of each movement during the workout. The main benefit of interval training is that you can expedite the fat-burning process – an excellent solution for those dealing with a tight schedule.

2. Weight Training

Though cardio and interval training are thought to be the best method of eliminating subcutaneous fat, experts state that we shouldn’t be dismissive of weight training – and its myriad benefits. The main advantage of weight training is that it boosts metabolic rate and burns calories, even while at rest.

Some experts cite weight training as superior to aerobic activities when you want to burn subcutaneous fat. Interval training using weights is a better method for burning subcutaneous fat than interval training or high-intensity interval training (HIIT) alone.

Regardless, weight circuit training will target all the main muscle areas of the upper and lower body. You will efficiently reduce the fat composition within these areas. The result will be that your body shreds fat and, eventually, appears more toned.

3. Strike the right nutritional balance

You can’t melt felt with exercise alone, and you must implement a healthy diet, too. Most scientific studies comparing the rate of subcutaneous fat loss and diet conclude that nutrition trumps exercise in almost every way.

A rigorous exercise regimen cannot overcome the bad foods we eat. For subcutaneous fat to shred, we must strike a balance between the two. You can’t undo bad dietary habits with a demanding exercise routine.

This idea is perhaps best illustrated by an important observation that you can lose weight by diet alone. However, you cannot lose weight with bad dietary habits with an exercise routine, no matter how challenging this routine may be.

The simple solution is to research and read up on ways to implement a healthy diet with an acceptable exercise regimen.

15 Foods to Help Shrink Belly Fat

Eat these foods to help melt away that stubborn fat.

1. Garlic

Studies show that garlic helps boosts visceral abdominal fat loss. Garlic contains allicin, a compound with antibacterial effects. It also helps reduce unhealthy fats and cholesterol in the body.

2. Red Bell Peppers

Bell peppers contain high amounts of Vitamin C, an essential nutrient for fighting fat. Three cups of red bell peppers will give you three times the necessary amount of the vitamin, making it an ideal addition to your diet.

If you often experience stress, your body can produce more cortisol, a hormone that triggers fat storage. Vitamin C can alleviate the effect, helping you keep the fat at bay.

3. Avocados

Avocados contain healthy monounsaturated fats, preventing blood sugar spikes. Blood sugar spikes trigger your body to store fat, so stopping the spikes is essential. Avocados also help your body absorb carotenoids, helping fight cancer cells.

4. Chickpeas

Chickpeas contain fiber, protein, and immune-boosting antioxidants. This healthy food can be a wholesome snack, or you can use chickpea flour to bake some sweet treats. It’s a versatile ingredient, so learning to implement it into your diet can be life-changing.

5. Yogurt

Yogurt helps prevent bugs that cause bloating because it encourages the growth of good gut bacteria. This food offers carbs and protein, stabilizing insulin and preventing the storage of calories as fat. Yogurt is a good option because you can implement it into any part of your diet, including meals and snacks.

6. Nuts and Seeds

Nuts keep you feeling full for longer and are effective in reducing fat. They contain Omega-3 fatty acids, tightening the belly and reducing inflammation. Rich in monounsaturated fats and phytonutrients, they help you melt the most stubborn belly fat.

Nuts also have high protein content, allowing you to burn excess fat. Additionally, they contain phytic acid, folic acid, and phytosterols that prevent fat storage.

Seeds are also effective for melting fat, as they provide zinc and fiber. They also boost your immune system, giving you more energy and improving overall well-being.

chia seeds

7. Dark Chocolate

Dark chocolate contains cocoa butter, a monounsaturated fat. It is heart-healthy and contains stearic acid, a fat that doesn’t elevate fat levels in the blood as much as other fats. Dark chocolate also contains fiber, an essential nutrient for weight loss.

8. Tuna

Tuna is full of healthy fats and Omega-3 fatty acids. It also contains protein, making you feel full and preventing cravings throughout the day. You’ll find that you don’t eat as many mindless snacks after eating tuna, immensely helping your weight loss efforts.

Tuna not only burns fat, but it also helps with muscle building. It is a versatile option for losing weight without going hungry.

9. Whole Grains

Whole grains are fiber-rich and keep you feeling full for longer times. You can choose from oatmeal, brown rice, and so much more. It keeps your insulin levels low, preventing fat storage. Consuming whole grains instead of refined can make a huge difference in your weight and fat loss efforts.

Whole grains lead to weight loss and decrease LDL or bad cholesterol. It also improves your body composition even when a person’s weight stays the same.

10. Fruit

Most fruit can help melt stubborn body fat, making it an essential addition to your diet. Blueberries are full of fiber and antioxidants, and they contain less sugar than most other fruit. They are satisfying but sweet, making them a perfect snack or dessert.

Citrus fruit is also beneficial, as they combat bloating and fight antioxidants and inflammation. Plums also help, as they contain Flavonoids which help fight fat. Additionally, plums contain pectin, a fiber that reduces fat and blocks fat absorption.

Red grapes are another beneficial fruit because they have high levels of phytonutrients and flavonoids. These phytonutrients burn fat, and the phytonutrients prevent fat storage. Grapes also have a low glycemic fruit, improving insulin sensitivity and regulating blood sugar levels.

Apples also reduce fat and promote weight loss. They contain ursolic acid, triggering your body to burn more calories and generate heat. Apples also contain pectin, helping remove excess fat from the body.

11. Matcha Tea

Matcha tea contains epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG), catechin that burns fat. It has more fat-melting properties than green tea, making it a superior drink for your diet.

12. Olive Oil

Olive oil contains monounsaturated fats, satisfying cravings and regulating your cholesterol levels. While it doesn’t sound like you can do much with olive oil, there are plenty of options.

You can use olive oil with lemon as one of the most purifying remedies. It eliminates toxins from your body, allowing you to eliminate fat.

You can also use olive oil with ginger because ginger is a natural fat burner. It has a thermogenic effect and is easy to add to your diet. Incorporate it in your salad, and it’ll be easier than you ever imagined.

Another option is to consume olive oil with cucumber. Cucumbers have lots of water, making them low in calories while still containing high levels of fiber. The fiber eliminates toxins, and the olive oil works its magic simultaneously.

13. Kale and Spinach

Kale is a leafy green that is fat-free and low in calories. It also contains Vitamins A, K, C, B6, Calcium, Potassium, and magnesium. These nutrients and vitamins make it great for melting stubborn belly fat.

Spinach is another leafy green that is low in calories and promotes melting fat. It prevents fat storage and triggers the body to burn fat for energy. You don’t have to consume a large amount because two cups of spinach are enough to give you a nutrient boost.

14. Beans

Beans play a role in weight and fat loss as they are loaded with soluble fiber. The fiber eliminates inflammation in your digestive system, allowing you to melt fat regularly.

15. Eggs

Eggs are full of protein, allowing your fat to be used for muscles instead. They are a perfect option for breakfast, lunch, or dinner and can even be a filling snack. Eggs are full of muscle-building protein and fat-burning compounds, so don’t miss out on the benefits.

belly fat

Final Thoughts on Melting Stubborn Belly Fat

Melting stubborn belly fat isn’t always easy, but you can make it happen. Follow these tips to make a beneficial change in your life. Once you start melting fat, you’ll feel better about yourself and your life. You don’t have to sacrifice good food, as there are plenty of options for every food group.

10 Hidden Anxiety Triggers You Need to Avoid

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Anxiety seems to be a near-universal condition. However, not all those with a diagnosis share the same anxiety triggers.

In the United States alone, approximately forty million adults – or eighteen percent of the population – suffer from an anxiety disorder. However, these numbers come as no surprise to most people.

The truth is that society is somewhat to blame (not to negate our sense of responsibility.) In fact, our society built a 24/7 “constantly connected” infrastructure that permeates our schools, businesses, and elsewhere. Many people are under constant pressure to succeed, most ironically by leveraging this very infrastructure. Of course, this expectation only exacerbates the problem.

“Prevention is the best cure” is a universal axiom within the medical community, including within the mental health sphere. Understanding what “triggers” specific symptoms or conditions can – in some instances – drastically reduce the likelihood of a sign or episode.

Here, we focus on ten established “triggers” that are known to induce anxiety symptoms and anxiety conditions. We hope that, by understanding what provokes anxiety, we can better mitigate any adverse consequences.

Here are ten common anxiety triggers that we need to avoid:

Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice.
It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you.
It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room.
The only one you can hear.
– Unknown

 

inspiration

1. Alcohol

Consumption of alcohol, as it relates to the onset of anxiety, is a “Catch-22.” After a period of dealing with stress and its related stressors, some will turn to booze to calm themselves down.

As a depressant, alcohol can “accomplish” this task – but only temporarily. After this initial period, alcohol becomes the catalyst for anxiety – and this is the actual danger in relying upon the substance to ease anxious thoughts and feelings.

Finding a more constructive and sustainable outlet is strongly recommended by medical professionals.

2. Inadequate nutrition/diet

Our brain is a “hungry” organ in that it requires specific nutritional components – at adequate levels – to function correctly. Further, as the brain uses up much of our body’s resources (i.e., energy), our gray matter must receive said nutritional components in the right amounts.

A typical “Western Diet” is heavily processed, lacking nutritional value to provide for the brain and body sufficiently. According to Dr. Eva Selhub, Contributing Editor at Harvard University’s Health Publications:

“…studies have compared “traditional” diets, like the Mediterranean diet and the traditional Japanese diet, to the typical “Western diet” and have shown that the risk of (mental illness) is 25% to 35% lower in those who eat a traditional diet.”

Nutritionists, dietitians, and other health professionals recommend minimizing the consumption of processed foods and increasing the amount of whole, natural foods we eat.

3. Anti-social behavior

Depending on one’s personality, the desire to engage with fellow human beings can fittingly range on a scale of 1 to 10. Introverts, for example, require sparse social interaction, while extroverts require social interaction as a means of energy and motivation.

Secluding oneself to the extreme, however, can cause some unintended consequences. Too much solitude, particularly for introverts, can result in some serious overthinking – a prelude to an anxiety episode.

This is a highly individualistic and subjective recommendation, but we should seek some social outlet to better our mental health.

4. Certain sensory inputs

Certain lights smells, or sounds can (sometimes, inexplicably) negatively affect our state of mind. In addition to being an annoyance, they cause a stress reaction – and, more specifically, an anxiety reaction.

Noise, especially loud or blaring sounds, can activate and heighten the activity within the amygdala – a part of the brain responsible for the “fight or flight” response. Smells and sounds are much more nuanced but trigger anxiety in some.

Understanding and accepting the notion that certain stimuli can provoke an anxiety response, we are better equipped to manage our environment.

5. Overworking

The determination to push ourselves and create a better life is a respectable trait. However, some individuals possess a drive that – at a certain point – becomes more of a liability than an asset. Such folks do not “live in the moment” of any marked success but instead succumb to the “next big thing.”

Constantly working to achieve this “next big thing” can alter brain chemistry to where any perceived “setback” can ignite a sense of anxiety.

Practicing mindfulness, meditation or gratitude can help keep things in perspective.

6. Lack of sleep

Sleep is essential to the normal functioning of the brain. When we deprive ourselves of this vitally-important state, many unintended consequences can surface. This includes, of course, adverse psychological outcomes.

Lack of sleep often leads to an inability to sleep, aka insomnia. Ultimately, our mental and physical health suffers as a result.

If getting a good night’s rest becomes a consistent problem, you must seek medical advice.

7. Low blood sugar

The brain is a hungry organ; it requires a steady supply of glucose and other nutrients to function correctly. We’re susceptible to diabetes-like symptoms – shakiness, dizziness, weakness, etc.

Furthermore, low blood sugar creates unnecessary stress for the brain. As a result, the brain will perceive this inadequacy as a threat, which can trigger an anxiety episode.

The solution is to consult a physician, nutritionist, or another expert who can recommend a dietary regimen that benefits your unique needs.

8. Poor stress management

Without an excellent ability to manage stress, we’ll quickly succumb to anxiety triggers – both internal and external. Stress creates and exacerbates thoughts and feelings of anxiety, making stress management a priority for those who desire to alleviate anxiety and its associated symptoms.

Practicing mindfulness and deep breathing can help in dealing with these triggers.

9. Negative thought patterns

Negative thoughts breed negative thoughts, the consequences of which can be devastating. As necessary, negative thought patterns tend to worsen over time, resulting in a negative spiral that some cannot manage to get out of.

Positive activities can counteract some or all of the anxiety experienced due to such thought patterns. Sports, meditation, or yoga are all activities that can reduce negative and anxious thought patterns.

10. Loss of direction

Those who once had “a vision” for their life – and (realistically or perceivably) saw this vision crumble – are prone to experiencing high levels of depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.

These folks tend to be highly competitive and goal-oriented individuals. Therefore, losing your sense of purpose is devastating. Similarly, others who “lose their way” tend to experience bouts of anxiety.

Indeed, mindfulness, meditation, and practicing gratitude can help put things in perspective. Practice sitting in silence consistently. As a result, you may find the ever-elusive answer to this complicated problem.

These Habits Help You Avoid Your Anxiety Triggers

anxiety triggers

1. Poor health triggers anxiety

Your physical health can impact your mental health. Poor health causes you to feel lethargic, be tempted to overeat, and to feel depressed. Therefore, it limits your ability to work and go to school. Living day in and day with poor health could be one of your hidden anxiety triggers.

2. Too much alcohol

Alcohol is a known depressant. Large amounts of alcohol can cause feelings of sadness and depression. While drinking alcohol, people have reported that they sometimes feel nervous and anxious. So the more alcohol you drink, the more likely you will develop temporary anxiety and depression symptoms.

3. Poor diet

Your diet is an essential factor in your mental health. What you eat impacts your body, but a poor diet also hurts you mentally. There’s a clear connection between what you eat and the risk of depression. Studies show that a healthy diet is associated with a lower risk of depression and its side effects.

4. Dehydration

Dehydration is another one of the anxiety triggers you may have overlooked. Water, in many ways, is a nutrient for your brain. Not drinking enough water causes your brain to work slower and not function properly. If you’re feeling anxious, try drinking extra water to see if it helps you feel better.

5. Lack of sleep

Don’t underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep. Anxiety and sleep disorders go together. Sleep deprivation makes you prone to worry, fear and sadness. Even people who don’t usually experience anxiety have feelings of anxiety when they’re sleep-deprived.

6. Negative thoughts

Your negative thoughts could be one of your anxiety triggers. If your thoughts are rooted in pessimism, it will negatively affect your mental health and how you feel.  It’s easy to allow negative thoughts to repeatedly cycle through your mind until you feel anxious and depressed. Breaking the negativity is key to letting go of your negative thoughts.

7. Social isolation

Did you know loneliness and social isolation are proven anxiety triggers? Prolonged isolation can harm your mood. It puts you at risk for mental and physical health problems like

  • Depression
  • Substance abuse
  • Anxiety
  • Dementia
  • Heart disease
  • Diabetes

8. Fluorescent bulbs

Did you know that those fluorescent bulbs you shop under at the store and sit under at work or school could trigger your anxiety?  Fluorescent bulbs have higher levels of blue light. Blue lights interrupt your ability to sleep. They also flicker more than other light bulbs, which leads to stress or anxiety for sensitive people.

9. Some medications

Certain over-the-counter or prescription medications can trigger anxiety symptoms. The ingredients in these medications cause you to feel uneasy. These feelings lead you to feel anxious or unwell. Medicines that cause you to feel unwell include:

  • Cough medicines
  • Decongestant medications
  • Birth control medications
  • Weight loss medications

10. Caffeine

You may have heard of the caffeine jitters. These jitters make you feel almost the same as if you experienced a frightening situation. Your heart beats faster, your hands will get clammy, and you feel ready to run away.  Caffeine is a stimulant. It sets off your fight-or-flight responses, which can trigger your anxiety and, for some people, cause an anxiety attack.

9 Habits To Help You Avoid Your Anxiety Triggers

Now that you understand some of the leading causes of your anxious feelings try making these changes to your routine.

1. Stay hydrated

Being thirsty can lead to stress and trigger anxiety. Even mild thirst can lead to calm anxiety. Increase your water intake with these suggestions.

  • Keep your water bottle with you all the time.
  • Drink some water every time you go to the bathroom
  • Order water when you eat outside
  • Drink water after you work out
  • Serve water at mealtimes
  • Eat water-filled veggies and fruits
  • Drink herbal teas

2. Avoid too much alcohol

If you know it may tempt you to drink too much, try these tips when you’re going out for a drink.

  • Avoid drinking alcohol on an empty stomach-Eat a light meal before you drink alcohol.
  • Drink water and alcohol together-For every alcoholic drink you have, drink a glass of water.
  • Sip your drink-Take your time and drink slowly.
  • Limit yourself to only one alcoholic drink per hour
  • Set a limit on how you drink at one sitting

3. Understand how God cares for you

Understanding how God cares for you can give you hope and peace of mind. Your spiritual health is closely related to your mental health. When you nurture your relationship with God, it helps you trust him in those things in life that are out of your control. Your growth in understanding God and how he’s working in your life through:

  • Read scripture-Read Psalms for comfort
  • Give your troubles to God-Choose to pray about your worries. Ask God to help you trust him with the outcome.
  • Find a faith community-Find other people of faith who will help you grow in your relationship with God.

4. Stay healthy

Stress from an illness throws you off both emotionally as well as physically. Good self-care helps you stay healthy. Follow these self-care practices for optimum health and less anxiety.

  • Lower your alcohol intake
  • Eat a balanced diet
  • Stay active
  • Get your blood pressure checked regularly
  • Avoid sugar and high fats
  • Don’t smoke

5. Relieve your stress

Stress buildup leads to anxiety triggers. You can relieve your stress by doing these activities:

  • Being outside in nature
  • Exercising
  • Walking
  • Reading
  • Yoga
  • Social interactions
  • Owning a pet
  • Growing in your faith with God

6. Get enough sleep

Lack of sleep can make you more anxious. So even missing as little as one hour of sleep can make you feel more stressed and irritable. It affects your memory and even your muscles. People who struggle with anxiety feel the effects of sleep deprivation more than people who don’t have anxiety. Create a bedtime routine to help you sleep better, such as

  • Keep your bedroom dark and cool.
  • Avoid eating food or drinking alcohol too close to bedtime
  • Take a bath or read a book to relax before you go to bed
  • Avoid using your computer or smartphone close to bedtime
  • Take a calcium-magnesium supplement to help you sleep

7. Avoid negative thought patterns

Sometimes, the same way that you think can make you more anxious. When you’re focused on the negative things in your life, it affects how you feel about your life. It’s easy for your mind to wander, causing everything to look darker than it is. The next time you feel alone, sit down and make a list of all the people in your life. This could be your family, friends, church friends, people in your groups, or school. This can help you fight the lie that no one cares for you.

8. Avoid too much caffeine

Limit how much caffeine you drink. Curb your caffeine habit by following these simple tips:

  • Drink herbal teas during the day
  • Shorten how long your coffee brews
  • Read the labels of your drinks. Even some coffees contain caffeine
  • Drink a smaller cup of coffee
  • Limit how many cups of coffee you drink each day

9. Stay socially active

Staying socially active is one way to break your anxiety. Avoiding people is harmful to your mental health. Even if you don’t feel like it, try to get out with friends or family several times a week. Other ways to stay socially active include:

  • Attend church meetings or Bible studies
  • Join a book club or hobby group
  • Talk to your neighbors
  • Join your co-workers after work for a drink

anxiety triggers

Final Thoughts On Identifying Your Anxiety Triggers

It may surprise you how your everyday life experiences can be anxiety triggers. Simple things like being dehydrated, not eating well, or even missing out on some sleep, can trigger your feelings of anxiety. You can avoid these anxiety triggers by following some tips listed here.

Researchers Reveal The Secret ‘Lazy’ Habits That Make You More Creative

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Do people call you a daydreamer? If so, you are probably a person with creative thinking skills.

Definition of DAYDREAM : a pleasant visionary; usually a wishful creation of the creative imagination – Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Re-read the definition of daydream above. Do you notice any word or phrase that in some way relates to the title of this article? The one that catches the eye is “wishful creation of the imagination.”

People daydream in a variety of ways and for many reasons. For example, many us will daydream at work or while doing something tedious. Desiring to escape the monotonous boredom that is work, we’ll allow (or not allow) our minds to drift.

It’s a pleasant escape. A “breakaway” from the routineness of life. Of course, as with most attempts to escape the drudgery that is work, daydreaming is frowned upon. Most people consider daydreaming a “lazy” habit – a waste of time. Well, such notions are completely untrue.

And according to recent research, the act of daydreaming can spark creativity. In fact, according to an article published in Nature Reviews Neuroscience, daydreaming may actually be one of the best ways to be more creative.

Researchers Reveal This ‘Lazy’ Habit Is The Secret To Unlocking Your Creativity

creative

If you think the mind grinds to a halt when you’re doing nothing, think again. Spontaneous thought processes – including mind-wandering, but also creative thinking and daydreaming – arise when thoughts are relatively fee from deliberate and automatic constraints. Mind-wandering is not far from creative thinking.

The above is a word-for-word summary of a study undertaken by the University of British Columbia (UBC). The underlying message throughout the study is quite simple: that thoughts are dynamic and flowing, even in states of rest:

“Mind-wandering is typically characterized as thoughts that stray from what you’re doing…but we believe this definition is limited in that it doesn’t capture the dynamics of thought,” says Kalina Christoff, lead researcher and professor of psychology at UBC. In other words, the notion that daydreaming is the habit of a lazy mind is simply untrue.

The authors take this a step further, proposing that mind-wandering/daydreaming is actually our default mental state: “…we propose that mind-wandering isn’t an odd quirk but rather, something that the mind does when in enters into a spontaneous mode,” says Christoff.

Perhaps the most astonishing proposal of the study, however, is that creativity and novelty could not exist without spontaneous thought. Humans couldn’t paint masterful pieces, write beautiful poetry, or discover the next breakthrough medical cure without this capability.

Daydreaming is essential to the creative process because it frees up cognitive resources that would be directed elsewhere. The brain is “freed” of its responsibilities, and given the opportunity to explore the abstractions it otherwise would not. The ability to think in the abstract, of course, is the foundation of creative thought.

creative

The Caveat of Being a Creative Type

Of course, constant daydreaming can be counterproductive to our efforts – even to our health. Researchers involved in the study say that permitting the mind to constantly drift aimlessly can manifest into a mental illness, such as anxiety, depression, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). The reason: “Sometimes the mind moves freely from one idea to another, but at other times it keeps coming back to the same idea, drawn by some worry or emotion.”

The solution, then, is to recognize when thought patterns become negative and discover something else to occupy it. Another idea is to allocate a certain amount of time each day to allow our minds to wander simply, preferably when we are in a positive state of mind.

Elaborating further, the research team is exploring the very real possibility of a link between mental illness and the normal variation of thought processes. In essence, that there is some part of each one of our brains that resembles what are thought of as disorders, including ADHD and anxiety.

The interesting thing? These “illnesses” can produce excellent and creative things. As one of the study’s researchers says: “The anxious mind helps us focus on what’s personally important; the ADHD mind allows us to think freely and creatively.” Not only is this very well put, it’s very true.

Daydreaming is looked down upon because our society has become so task-oriented. We have jobs, families, and other responsibilities. Our 24/7, “always on” society has made us productive and prosperous while shunning our propensity to dream.

Some of the most brilliant minds to have ever existed were daydreamers: inventors, artists, writers, poets.

Albert Einstein, arguably the greatest scientist to have ever lived, once said:

“I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”

9 Natural Ways To Prevent Cavities and Relieve Tooth Pain

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Tooth pain is both an incredibly annoying and ache-ridden experience. It can result from several things: dental decay, injury, and infection among them. Often, tooth pain is exacerbated by one or more activities, such as: biting and chewing food, oral contact with hot or cold foods, swelling of the gums, and so on.

Developing cavities is also a common cause of tooth pain, and usually results from progressive tooth decay. Cavities occur when enamel (the hard, outer layer) of the teeth is exposed to acid-producing bacteria, which forms a sticky layer of plaque. Left untreated, this bacterial film effectively erodes the minerals contained in enamel.

The best way to counteract tooth pain is – you guessed it – to prevent it in the first place. This is achieved through good oral hygiene habits; such as brushing twice a day, using mouthwash, and flossing regularly.

That said, tooth pain can still surface despite the practice of regular oral hygiene. To complicate matters, treating the root cause (no pun intended) of tooth pain can be expensive and time-consuming. Fortunately, there are natural remedies that may be successful in alleviating some of that dastardly pain.

 Here are nine natural remedies for tooth pain and cavities:

A word of caution, first: you may need to try one, two, or even more remedies to discover what works for you.

1. Cold or ice water & lemon juice

Lemon juice has proven to be an effective cavity fighter. Mix some of this potent juice with a glass of cold or ice water and rinse 3-4 times daily.

Also, ice may be used as a pain reliever. Wrap a few cubes in a hand towel (or paper towel) and apply to the area near infected tooth. This should relieve and numb some of the pain.

2. Cranberry juice

Per the Dental Health Magazine, drinking 3-4 ounces of (sugar-free) cranberry juice can help prevent some of the bacteria that causes tooth decay.

Consumption of cranberry juice may complicate the health of individuals with kidney disease, and potentially those on blood thinners. As such, it is necessary to consult with a health professional in these circumstances.

3. Take Vitamin D

Some research exists showing that people with higher vitamin D levels are at lower risk for developing gum disease and other conditions. The solution here is quite simple: get out into the sun! For some reason, if sunlight exposure is not possible, prioritize the vitamin in your diet or supplement it.

4. Apply alcohol

No, we’re not suggesting that you drink booze to relieve the pain. Applying (not consuming) alcohol-heavy substance (e.g. vanilla extract) can relieve tooth pain in the short-term. Simply apply a small amount directly onto the problem site to provide some relief.

5. Tea tree oil!

Dental Health Magazine also recommends applying tea oil to help promote oral health. While the pain relieving properties of this essential oil are up for debate, it does serve the role of preventing serious dental conditions such as gingivitis and gum disease.

6. Rinse with salt water

The combination of warm water and salt (preferably, sea salt) has shown to alleviate some forms of tooth pain. The prescription here is quite simple: mix a small glass with a teaspoon or two of salt and rinse for 30 seconds. Of course, do not swallow! Gross…

7. Brush with mustard oil

Okay, so this suggestion doesn’t sound all that appealing… but mustard oil is another oil product with pain-relieving properties. Mixing mustard oil with lemon juice (of course!) and brushing 2 or 3 times per day may alleviate tooth pain. Those with cavity problems should consider brushing with the combination immediately prior to brushing with toothpaste to counteract symptoms.

8. Wheatgrass?…

Yes, wheatgrass…or wheatgrass juice. Like most items on this list, wheatgrass contains elements that promote pain relief. Wheatgrass is different, however, in that it can be either chewed or consumed as a drink. Wheatgrass also contains preventative elements that may be beneficial for averting tooth decay.

9. Lemon!

Okay, about time we went ahead and gave lemon its due credit. The fruit contains potent anti-bacterial properties that are beneficial in many ways… simply chewing on a slice of lemon can bring clean up some of that bacteria. Mixing lemon – in the form of lemon juice – and brushing your teeth has additional benefits such as preventing cavities.

Related article: Oil Pulling! Have you tried the newest trend for a clean mouth and gums?

10 Reasons to Try Oil Pulling

References:
Cavities. (n.d.). October 26, 2016, from http://www.colgate.com/en/us/oc/oral-health/conditions/cavities
Common Dental Symptoms – Info From Endodontists | AAEorg. (n.d.). Retrieved October 26, 2016, from http://www.aae.org/patients/symptoms/tooth-pain.aspx
(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

20 Common Causes of Anxiety & Depression

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Most people with anxiety and depression can’t provide an exact reason why they developed it in the first place. Aside from an individual experiencing a traumatic event, comprehending what exactly happened to cause it is often a futile endeavor.

In most instances, depression and uneasiness do not have a single cause. Medical professionals state that depression and anxiety surface from a few factors, including genes, past experiences, current circumstances, and others.

Understanding why one is suffering is not the most important thing. People with the disorders must understand that it is not their fault, as it can happen to anyone.

However, some lifestyle choices or experiences can contribute to or directly cause mental health concerns. The condition may be acute (short-term) or chronic (long-term), depending on the underlying cause. Knowing this is powerful, as we can counteract some things that instigate the conditions.

“Don’t believe everything you hear – even in your own mind.” – Dr. Daniel Amen

Common Lifestyle Causes of Depression and Anxiety

anxiety

1. Substance Abuse

People abuse substances such as recreational drugs and alcohol for many reasons. Substance abuse is a habit that may form at any time, including during childhood and teenage years.

Drugs and alcohol can rewire your brain’s neurochemistry, disrupting communication between neurotransmitters. The neurotransmitters are the chemicals that allow your brain and body to communicate, and they control every physical and psychological experience. Individuals susceptible to depression and anxiety who engage in drug use are more likely to develop mental illness.

2. Overworking

Becoming exhausted because of too much of a heavy workload causes stress reactions within the body. When the brain is exposed to chronic stress, its delicate chemical balance is interrupted.

3. Grief and Trauma

A common talking point in the news is the prevalence of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in military members. Being a witness or victim of violence can trigger a biological reaction that evolves into full-blown uneasiness and depression.

Feelings of grief following the death of a loved one or friend, though uncomfortable, can serve as a good healer. However, prolonged grief in susceptible demographics can cause mental health issues.

4. Anxiety About Health Conditions

People diagnosed with untreatable health conditions may be at an increased risk of becoming depressed. Age-related illnesses or diagnoses of a terminal condition such as Parkinson’s Disease, Alzheimer’s, cardiovascular disease, or cancer often induce panic and helplessness. Of course, prolonged exposure to these feelings can manifest as depression.

5. Sudden and Stressful Changes

During the infamous Wall Street Crash of 1929, which led to the loss of billions of dollars and laid the foundation for the Great Depression, 23,000 people committed suicide. At the time, this number was the highest number of suicides ever in one year.

Sudden and stressful changes like what occurred on Wall Street can happen in your life. These events quickly cause anxiety and depression as life changes drastically.

6. Poor Self-Image

Low self-esteem and poor self-image can trigger anxious feelings and depression. People with self-esteem problems are more likely to engage in behaviors considered a health risk, including smoking, alcohol and substance abuse, and poor diet.

Research shows that there is a correlation between negative self-image and suicide. A continually negative picture of oneself can lead to obsessive thought patterns about appearance, money, reputation, and other aspects of your life.

7. Isolation or Rejection

Humans are naturally social creatures, requiring social interaction to function. We long for intimacy and desire another person to care for, love, and support. Isolation, separation from other human beings, rejection, and refusal of others to accept or consider you as part of something, are counterintuitive to the brain’s innate social cognitive functions.

As a result, the brain adopts opposing thought processes and forms neural networks that disturb its natural chemistry. In short, isolation and rejection can lead to a neurochemical imbalance.

8. Caffeine

While you might rely on your morning cup of coffee to wake up, it could trigger your negativity. It increases alertness, attention, and cognitive function, but only if you have a cup or two. Studies show that people with anxiety are more sensitive to the effects of caffeine.

Caffeine can trigger anxious feelings, and it could make you feel nervous and moody, too. Plus, it increases your heart rate, body heat, and breathing rate. You don’t have to cut it out of your diet entirely, but cutting back can make a difference in your life.

Caffeine isn’t always bad for you, but you must consume it in moderation. Plus, everyone has a different tolerance level, so paying attention to your limits is essential. It is a stimulant that triggers your fight or flight response and can cause you to feel jittery. Your body will feel like it is in a frightening situation.

One way to cut back is to substitute your caffeinated beverages with something else. If you choose coffee for the hot temperature, switch to non-caffeinated tea instead. Or, you could try flavored water if you drink caffeine because you need more flavor than plain water offers.

9. Past Experiences Contribute to Depression and Anxiety

Situations from your childhood or other times during the past can cause uneasiness later in life. Stress and trauma stay with you, even when you think you’ve gotten through it.

These experiences will have a long-term impact on your mental health and could involve physical or emotional abuse, losing a parent, neglect, racism, and social exclusion. Additionally, if your parents don’t treat you kindly or are overprotective, it can trigger depression later.

10. Family History

You could have a genetic predisposition to mental illness, so pay attention to whether or not the condition runs in your family. Having a parent or other relative who has depression or anxiety doesn’t always mean you will, but it does increase the risk.

anxiety

11. Financial Issues

Worrying about finances can quickly trigger uneasiness. Whether you’re worried about saving money or paying down debt, you might become overwhelmed. Plus, unexpected expenses or fears involving money can cause mental health conditions.

If you can’t overcome your financial issues, you might want to see a professional financial advisor. Once you get your finances under control, you’ll feel much better and experience less uneasiness and depression. If you can’t see a professional, find ways you can cut costs and save more money.
Money provides people with a sense of security, so having financial issues takes away their feeling of being safe. Whether you’re worried about job security, salary, lack of knowledge, debt, wealth comparison, or anything else, it can impact your mental health.

12. Long-term or Chronic Stress

While daily stress like getting stuck in traffic or running late for work can cause stress, it doesn’t turn into anxiety and depression. However, long-term stress can lead to problems and worsening symptoms. Plus, stress can cause you to miss sleep, skip meals, or indulge in drinking and other detrimental behaviors that trigger uneasiness.

Stress is a normal part of life, but too much of it can trigger anxious feelings. Some of the events that could pile up and overwhelm you include:

  • Career stress or change
  • Pregnancy or giving birth
  • Emotion shock from a traumatic event
  • Physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse
  • Change in living situation
  • Relationship or family problems
  • Death of a loved one
  • A cluttered home

Learning to cope with stress can help you overcome current struggles and prevent depression from setting in. If you can’t get through it, you might want to reach out to a professional to help you recognize and handle your stressors.

13. Certain Medications Might Cause Anxiety

Some medications can cause uneasiness or depression, and knowing if yours can help you overcome the issue. They make you feel generally unwell, triggering your mind and body in ways that cause anxiety symptoms. Mental health issues occur as a side effect of:

  • Some psychiatric medications
  • Medications for physical health concerns
  • Birth control pills
  • Cough medicine and over-the-counter decongestants
  • Weight loss medications
  • Recreational drugs
  • Thyroid medications
  • Medications for ADHD
  • Narcolepsy medications

If any prescription medications trigger your uneasiness, talk to your doctor about how it makes you feel. They can help you find another option that doesn’t make you feel that way.

14. Lack of Sleep

Not getting enough sleep can cause many issues, including mental health conditions. If you stay up late every day for a long time, it can cause or worsen symptoms. Create a realistic sleep schedule that ensures you get plenty of rest. The CDC states that adults should get at least seven hours of sleep each day because anything less can cause issues.
Sleep deprivation can trigger anxiety, but uneasiness can cause problems sleeping. It turns into a seemingly never-ending cycle, and your condition will worsen as time goes on.

15. Personality Traits

Some personality factors can cause mental health issues, with perfectionists being more likely to develop anxiety or depression than other people. Likewise, those who are easily flustered or timid experience it more frequently. A lack of self-esteem and the desire to control everything can also lead to anxious feelings.

Additionally, people who frequently have negative thoughts can struggle with mental health issues. Being upset or frustrated and saying negative things to yourself can trigger feelings of uneasiness. Try to avoid using negative words and thoughts, refocusing on positive things in your life.

16. An Unhealthy Diet

The foods and beverages you consume can affect your mental health. Some foods worsen your symptoms, triggering depression. Sugar and caffeine are two of the most common foods to cause issues, but they aren’t the only ones. Research shows that carbohydrates can also increase your risk of mental health issues because of the quick changes in blood glucose levels.

Skipping meals can also trigger anxious feelings because it makes your blood sugar drop. It makes you jittery and causes your body to believe something is wrong. Balanced meals give you energy and essential nutrients, allowing you to feel good mentally and physically.

17. Conflict

Arguments and disagreements are conflicts that trigger or worsen mental health conditions. Relationship problems can interfere with every area of your life when they affect your mindset. Learning conflict resolution strategies can make a difference, or you could talk to a professional for tips on how to overcome.

It can be hard to deal with an argument, whether it is with a co-worker, your best friend, a spouse, or a family member. Sometimes even arguing with a random person can trigger the feelings within you.

18. Worrying About a Loved One

Your uneasiness and depression don’t only stem from concerns for yourself. Many times the feelings come from being worried about someone you love. You might worry about something happening to them or how you would cope if something did happen.

Research shows that caregivers often experience anxiety because they constantly worry about the person they care for. Even when there is nothing obvious to worry about, many people have overwhelming thoughts about something serious going wrong.

Anxiety and depression can also occur due to the fear of being separated from a loved one. This situation can occur in children and adults, although many think kids are the only ones who suffer. Adults sometimes think something bad will happen while away from their children, possibly leading to them avoiding separation.

19. Public Speaking or Events

Talking in front of people can trigger anxiety for many people. Even something as simple as talking to your boss could be enough to cause problems for you. However, public speaking in front of a large group can be debilitating.

You can find ways to become more comfortable with public speaking or during events, and a therapist can help you, too. One way to cope is to surround yourself with people who offer positive reinforcement to boost your confidence and help you find comfort in the situation.

Public events can be complex for some people, and being surrounded by strangers doesn’t sound like a good time. Making small talk or interacting with many people can trigger or worsen symptoms. In these events, try to bring someone you’re comfortable with along as a companion to ease the struggle.

20. Changes Within the Brain

Depression can occur because of a chemical imbalance, but many other changes can trigger it, too. Genetics, life stressors, substances, and medical conditions can all affect your brain and how it regulates feelings and moods. Luckily, you can stimulate nerve cell growth to help manage your mood, helping you overcome mental health concerns.

anxiety

Final Thoughts on Common Causes of Anxiety & Depression

It’s not always easy to identify the cause of your anxiety and depression, but you can try. Identifying the cause can help you overcome the issues and move forward. You deserve happiness, and it’s up to you to find it. Get support and do what you can to feel better and live a fulfilling life.

How Your Brain Changes After A Breakup

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We’re going to assume, at least for the sake of this article, that you had a recent breakup. You thought you found the one, but things went wrong somehow.

Many people reading this article will concede that such an unfortunate occasion has happened at least once.

The underlying concept you’ll see throughout the article is this: the brain’s complex – and often unknowable – intricately woven circuitry produces complex feelings that arise from any and all situations, whether positive or negative.

Of course, this includes any relationship that has gone awry.

The motivation behind this article is to explain what happens to the brain following a painful breakup. The benefit of such knowledge is noteworthy because we will gain a more comprehensive understanding of the neurocircuitry that accompanies a hard-felt separation. It is our hope, then, that this knowledge will enable you to understand why such emotions occur – and what you can do as a rational being to make the best out of a challenging situation.

Humans are Hardwired for Love, Not a Breakup

breakup

“Turning on the reward neurons releases repeated floods of the neurotransmitter dopamine. And the dopamine activates circuits inside the brain that create a craving…In the case of romance, the thing you need more of is your beloved.” – Diane Kelly

Does anyone remember the 1980’s commercial “This is your brain on drugs?” This commercial was a well-intended (though rudimentary) depiction of what occurs in the human brain during drug use. Whether or not one is a fan of this ad, it is challenging to object to its effectiveness. Following extensive research, the Partnership for a Drug-Free America reproduced a more intensive commercial version following a sizeable decrease in drug abuse cases.

As it turns out, the human brain reacts similarly to love. Indeed, strong emotion is the root of many schoolyard arguments, family feuds, and wars throughout human history.

Simply put, the numerous effects of love on the brain are strikingly similar to those produced by drugs. Like drugs can induce a stagnant effect on the human brain, love (especially deep love) can result in the same – if not exacerbated – neurological effects.

A neuroscientist at the Einstein College of Medicine explains love’s effect on the brain as follows: “Other kinds of social rejection are much more cognitive…(Romantic rejection) is a life changing thing, and involves systems that are not at the same level as feeling hungry or thirsty.”

In other words, when someone we love rejects us, it is as harmful, if not more so, to the brain as social needs (friendships) and primal needs (sustenance).

Wow…can’t say we saw that coming. Wonder what Dr. Oz or Dr. Phil would say on the matter. Anyway, digression aside, let’s get down to it.

This Is What Happens To Your Brain After A Breakup

When we separate or reject somebody we love, the physical effects – shallow breathing, nausea, chest constriction, etc. – are all very real phenomena.

Studies demonstrate that individuals amid a breakup show disproportionate activity in the brain regions determining the body’s response to physical pain and distress. This is potentially dangerous, and the more intimate the relationship, the likelier that adverse and extremely harmful physical side effects arise.

Unfortunately, this counterproductive cognitive response negatively affects other physical channels, including higher blood pressure, weakening of the immune system, and complications of the digestive system. These physical symptoms may persist for days, weeks, or months following a separation, with the duration of such effects highly dependent upon the individual.

Perhaps the most tragic response to heartbreak is a condition known as Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy (aka, “Broken Heart Syndrome), which produces stress hormones in extreme excess, which can, sadly, result in a heart attack, stroke, or even death.

(Sigh…)

What this means (and doesn’t)

Human beings desire to be loved from birth to death (and perhaps beyond). Regardless of the rapid advancements in neuroscience, we cannot – nor should we presume to – understand the complex mechanisms of love in our brain, body, and soul.

Experience (and science) tells us that love and human existence are inseparable. On the positive side, this inseparability enables us to love and cherish those we hold dear despite any circumstances. On the not-so-positive side, such findings elaborate upon – for better or worse – our dependence on others for connection, friendship, love, and nourishment.

For those currently going through the heartbreak that many of us have endured, it’s essential to know that you are not alone. Human beings, by evolutionary design, are resilient creatures. Our brains have the superlative capability of learning, adapting, and rewiring to any past, present, or future situation.

love

Final Thoughts on Healing After a Breakup

To those victimized by a former or current lover, we leave you with the following poem from Dorothy Parker (from The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker):

‘In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.”

We wish you peace, happiness, and love in any current and future relationships, dear readers.

15 Questions To Ask Every Morning That Will Reveal Your True Personality

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Are you on a journey to discover your true personality?

Before we get deep into the article, ask yourself this question: “Do I have a clear sense of who I am?”

If we are to poll everyone on this question, it’s likely that the majority of responses would be “Yes.” After all, we’re (mostly) adults now, having undergone the process of “finding ourselves” – an at-best cloudy notion that assigns a certain period for this “self-discovery.”

But then there are those who would answer “No” to our hypothetical poll. There are many reasons why someone would respond this way. For example, the wanderers and dreamers and those never feel settled into this existence (more on this later.) Either answer is okay – and can even be good. It all depends on the individual and their circumstances.

The idea that we all have “place” in this world is, in itself, both debatable and subjective. Maybe we don’t want to have or want “a place”(e.g. “the wanderers and dreamers). Some defiantly ask “what is “a place” in this world supposed to mean anyways?”

Perhaps we’re posing the wrong question. Instead, maybe we should ask “Do I know my identity?”

What is our identity?

“It is hard, so terribly hard, to please yourself. Far from being the easy thing that it sounds like, it is almost the hardest thing in the world, because we are not always comfortable with that true self that lies deep within us.”

Put simply, our identity is the way we see ourselves. The vantage point of identity also influences how we view others and the world.

Our identity encompasses and intertwines multiple human elements. It is made up of our culture, family relationships, exposure to stress and trauma, life experiences, social relationships, personality, and other characteristics.

Our identity is also malleable and even fragile. Internal and external influences often shape our identity for better or worse, and can even incite an identity crisis – also known as a “loss of identity” or “losing oneself.”

When we lose our true identity, every facet of our lives is affected: work, relationships, disposition, motivation, and so on. A loss of identity is often perceived by the individual as “feeling lost,” often leaving someone bewildered and unsure about life and any meaning behind it.

Events that can impact personality

We experience a loss of identity for many reasons. Here are some common ones:

(1) Self-neglect: Putting the needs of others before our own, leading to a failure to recognize the worthiness and deservedness of our needs, goals, and dreams.

(2) Detachment: Separating from our inner-monologue and a loss of emotional intelligence. Instead of centering in on our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, we dull them by participating in self-gratification. Whether through technology, food, alcohol, drugs, or something else, we’ll (sometimes unknowingly) delay self-discovery.

(3) Life events: Transitioning from role-to-role due to the demands of life. Going through a divorce, job loss or other traumatic event often manipulates our brain chemistry and distorts our self-perception.

(4) Social expectations: Society can be cruel – something that we discover at a relatively young age. Any unique aspect of a person can be critiqued; from one’s appearance, intelligence, sexual orientation, perceived “quirks,” income, job title…on and on it goes.

When we’re looked upon as outsiders, we either adapt or isolate ourselves. Either way, such people will always “feel different.” As a result – in an attempt to navigate through life – we attempt “fit in” when necessary.

This false persona comes at a high price: loss of one’s identity. Some within this “group” resort to drug abuse or become victims of mental illness. Tragically, some people take their own precious lives, thinking that they’ll never be “understood.”

kristen butler quote

Rediscovering your identity

Now that we’ve defined identity, described potential influences, and touched on the ramifications of losing one’s identity, we are now in a good position to discover or rediscover our individualism.

Discovery necessitates both an inquisitive and open mind. To unearth our true identity is to acknowledge (answer to) certain queries to bring this true identity to our consciousness’s surface ultimately.

It is important to understand that repeated questioning of thoughts, behaviors, and emotions is necessary for this self-discovery to take place. As such, it is suggested that we do so at least once per day, preferably in the morning when we’re about to set out on the journey ahead.

Finally, here are the questions we should ask ourselves each morning:

1. Do I have short-term and long-term goals? What are they?

2. What am I, or have been, ashamed of in my life?

3. What consistently brings about anxiety or a sense of worry?

4. What or who gives me the most comfort? Is this source of comfort healthy?

5. Putting aside fear and uncertainty, what would I love to do?

6. Where and when do I feel safe? Unsafe?

7. What achievement am I proudest of?

8. What does my inner critic say about me? (Write them down)

9. Do I practice self-care and self-compassion? How?

10. What do I have to be grateful for? (There should be something here)

11. What do I dream about? What thoughts or emotions do they bring, if any?

12. Do I enjoy being around people or do I prefer solitude? (Either is fine, just know your tendencies.)

13. What do I most enjoy doing?

14. When my life is dark, what or who do I turn to? Why?

15. When I’m stressed, do I react rationally or impulsively?

(Bonus 5 questions!)

16. Am I an early riser or night owl? Can I make any changes to put my best self forward?

17. What are my passions? Am I living them out?

Related article: Asking Yourself These Questions Every Day Can Reveal Your Deepest Desires

18. What failure still haunts me to this day? Maybe it’s time to let go?

19. What values do I hold dear? Am I adhering to these values?

20. What are my strengths? Weaknesses? (Write them down)

We sincerely hope that answering these questions reveals more about the special person you arh. Appreciate yourself, love yourself, acknowledge what you’d like to change, and find your true identity!

7 Intelligent Ways to Deal with Toxic People

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All of us experience the inevitable turbulence of life unfolding. We have our extreme ups, extreme downs, and everything in between. We will all behave in a way that can be perceived as toxic at one time or another. Does this make us toxic people? No, it does not.

One’s behavior does not necessarily indicate one’s identity. In fact, most times, they’re mutually exclusive. According to psychologists, a toxic person is not the whole person; but their behavior towards others, particularly those in any relationship, which often bears the brunt of such behavior.

Toxic people distinguish themselves by their propensity to “create drama in their lives, or be surrounded by it; try to manipulate or control others; be needy (“it is all about them all the time”); use others to meet their needs  (such as “narcissistic parents”); be extremely critical of themselves and others, bemoaning their bad fortune and others’ good fortune, abuse substances or harm themselves in other ways, and be unwilling (or unable) to seek help,” according to Jodie Gale, MA, a psychotherapist and life coach.

In short, a toxic person negatively consistently and adversely affects people around them through their (intentional or unintentional) toxic behavior.

“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth, just like you did.” – Jill Blakeway

Here are 7 ways to deal with toxic people – and toxic behavior – in a positive manner:

toxic

1. Do not rationalize their toxic behavior.

Many people do not like conflict, something that is known as conflict avoidance. As such, recipients of toxic behavior will allow the behavior to continue to pacify the toxic person. Recipients that wish to avoid contention will permit the toxic person to ramble. However, such an approach is short-sighted. Yes, the toxic person may “get what they want,” but guess who they’ll seek out the next time?

This brings us to the second point…

2. Make your voice heard.

Not everyone who displays toxic behavior is a “bully,” but some are. Toxic bullies will often spew their toxicity to others as a means to an end. When such behavior is evident, it is time to make your voice heard and oppose such acts of intimidation. Oftentimes, the “bully,” when confronted with resistance, will back down and move on.

On a related matter, sometimes it is necessary to…

3. Make a stand.

You deserve to be treated as a human being – with courtesy, respect, and dignity. When someone violates this socially-accepted contract, it should be considered an act of aggression.

This is when it is necessary to set clear boundaries. Fortunately, you don’t need to get into a long-winded dialogue with them. Abruptly walking away from a toxic conversation can be enough, for example.

4. Exude (sensible) compassion.

As mentioned, it is necessary to separate one’s toxic behavior from their “true selves.” When we know that someone is acting negatively due to whatever reason; personal problems, work-related stress, medical problems, etc., it’s appropriate to respond compassionately.

However, practicing sensible compassion does not mean becoming someone else’s pin cushion. When the line is crossed, it is necessary to speak up.

5. Move on from toxic people, if necessary.

Exposure to toxic behavior on an all-too-frequent basis can be mentally and physically exhausting. We’ll instinctively know when a person is pushing us past comfort zone – and it is sometimes necessary to get away.

While this “exit strategy” may require some fortitude on our part, it is instrumental for our well-being. Be strong, remain confident and simply let go.

6. Don’t take things personally.

It can be hard to “not taking things personally,” can’t it? Especially when said advice applies to a toxic person. This behavior is most evident in a direct attack (e.g., a verbal assault) towards you.

Interacting with a toxic person – at some point in time –  will inevitably result in something being said that’s insulting, dehumanizing, embarrassing, and unnecessary. Exchanges of this type will almost certainly antagonize us in some way. Thus, it is important to remember that “it’s not me, it’s you.”

inspirational quote

7. Get some alone time.

How we deal with toxic behavior strongly depends on the person involved.

For example, if a toxic colleague sits across the office, it’s easier to devise a plan to avoid negative rhetoric. If it’s a close friend or family member – a spouse, kid, “BFF,” etc. – the situation (and the “answer”) can be a bit (okay, a lot) more obscure.

The closer we are to someone, the more time we spend with them. As such, in addition to helping them, we must prioritize our well-being. One of the best ways to do this is to plan (and make known) your designated alone time.

References:
Tartakovsky, M., M.S. (2014, February 26). What’s a Toxic Person & How Do You Deal With One? Retrieved February 23, 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/02/28/whats-a-toxic-person-how-do-you-deal-with-one/
(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
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