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5 Silent Killers of a Relationship

April 1, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“Sometimes we maintain silence to protect one Beautiful relationship, But too much silence creates a Distance in every Beautiful relationship.” – Unknown

In a relationship, it is common for one or both partners to give the ‘silent treatment’ when they experience anger, disappointment, frustration, or any other kind of negative emotion directed towards the other.

Short periods of silence, before (sometimes, slowly) transitioning back to regular dialogue can be a positive thing; at times, we require some space to “clear our heads” – and silence can do just that.

When these periods of silence become longer – and more frequent –it is a potential catalyst for a deteriorating relationship. The reason being that effective communication is arguably the most essential component of any successful relationship.

Anjhula Mya Singh Bias, Ph.D. psychologist states: “Often we stop communicating because one or both partners feels ‘it’s not worth it. They’ve been down that path, and they think they know what it holds – more anger, bitterness, and frustration.”

We’ll discuss five ‘silent killers’ of a relationship – and actions that can be taken to counteract them:

1. Inattentiveness and invalidation

A typical scenario: one partner tells the other that they’re hurt over something the other did, and their reply either lacks substance or invalidates any perceived concerns by saying they’re overreacting or just plain wrong. Should these types of interactions become more frequent, one or both partners are prone to silence – a descendent of futility.

Relationship experts recommend a few behaviors that may prevent such communication difficulties from surfacing. The first recommendation is to refrain from text messaging. The reason is simple: text messaging cannot portray body language or intonation – two essential parts of effective communication. Second, choose a place to talk without distractions. Being with one another without potential distractions increases the effectiveness of what’s being said, and also encourages eye contact. Third, practice empathy and reflective listening. Bear in mind that this doesn’t, or shouldn’t necessarily signify agreement with the other’s point of view; instead, it displays understanding and willingness to engage in conversations, no matter how difficult.

2. Animosity

Animosity in a relationship is a definite intimacy killer. This feeling often surfaces due to one partner’s (real or perceived) lack of responsibility or inaction. When this behavior continues despite the issue(s) having been discussed, one or both partners is/are liable to harbor silent resentment. Once again, this silence results from feelings of futility.

According to Dr. Alicia H. Clark, the solution “is to channel the shock at your spouse’s behavior into empathy, to try and understand them, and to come at the situation trying to see their perspective.”

In time, a mutual agreement of some sort will be reached, which may require a bit of compromise from both.

3. Sexual repression

When one or both partners feels that their sexual needs are not being met, the topic is often placed on the back-burner. Reasons for such feeling vary but commonly involve the frequency (or lack thereof) of intercourse.

The rationale for such feelings aside, bringing up one’s sexual displeasure can feel uncomfortable for any number of reasons. For example, the person feeling repressed may consider the topic of sex to be “taboo” or unnecessary; they could be wary of the real possibility of hurting the other’s feelings, and so forth.

Despite this understandable hesitation, it is indeed an issue that requires a resolution. Sexual intimacy is an important part of a relationship, and intimacy can disintegrate without a healthy sex life.

Dr. Pamela Stephenson-Connolly, a sexual therapist and psychoanalyst, says: “Start by praising your partner for what is working, and reaffirm your positive feelings for him or her. They say something like: “But I’ve noticed that we’re struggling with…(mention the problem)…and I’m wondering, what’s your take on it?” This makes it clear that you are willing to share the problem, rather than allocate blame.”

4. Tacit Disappointment

Admitting disappointment to someone you love is a hard thing to do. In fact, some relationships end because of unexpressed disappointment in the other. To complicate the matter, one or both partners can become numb to even perceiving disappointment in the other; something that can make it agonizingly difficult to both comprehend and articulate any disappointments to another.

Dr. Mark Goulston, considered among the best crisis psychiatrists in the U.S., says:

“…admit the disappointment to yourself, then feel the full extent of it and next, tell the other person…it actually frees you from the pain of holding it in after which it dissipates, goes away (enabling) you to feel warm and good feelings that have been laying sadly unreachable, unfeelable and underneath the disappointment all the time.”

5. Lack of Trust

A deficiency in trust for one’s partner can stem from having unsuccessfully navigated the “trust gap” with another, usually by having been the victim of betrayal or neglect in the past. While this lack of trust is more common in new relationships, it can surface later on in the form of suspicion.

Regardless of the reason, harboring feelings of untrustworthiness will always manifest into feelings of tension. In most cases, the relationship will deteriorate for one of any number of related reasons.

Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., offers the following advice to those with self-trust issues: “If you are suppressing important parts of yourself to accommodate your partner, it is important to acknowledge your unmet needs and work…to find a solution that allows them in. Therapy is often necessary to help repair injuries due to affairs, addictions, or other forms of unavailability, instability, and control.”

References:
Conklin, L. M. (2017, February 06). The Silent Intimacy Killer That’s Ruining Your Relationship. Retrieved March 02, 2017, from http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/silent-treatment-in-relationships/
Goulston, M., M.D., F.A.P.A. (2015, December 05). Unexpressed Disappointment, the Great Intimacy Killer. Retrieved March 02, 2017 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/just-listen/201512/unexpressed-disappointment-the-great-intimacy-killer
Greenburg, M., Ph.D. (2012, November 13). Healing the Cycles That Tear Couples Apart. Retrieved March 02, 2017 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201211/healing-the-cycles-tear-couples-apart
Psych Central. (2014). The 7 Best Tips for Handling Anger and Resentment in Relationships. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 1, 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/11/23/the-7-best-tips-for-handling-anger-and-resentment-in-relationships/
Stephenson-Connolly, P., M.D. (2009, March 08). Reading between the sheets. Retrieved March 02, 2017 from https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/mar/08/sexual-problems-solutions

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

9 Habits That Change Your Mental Health

April 1, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Whether you’re the one struggling with mental health or trying to help someone you care about who does; the confusion, fear, and anxiety can feel overwhelming.

Mental illness is perplexing. Between trying to understand an enigmatic condition, evaluating treatment options, and contemplating the future of your loved one, it’s easy to experience a sense of hopelessness.

But there is hope.

While mental illness may or may not be treatable by lifestyle changes alone, such changes often mitigate a number of symptoms associated with the illness. In conjunction with a physician-supervised treatment plan, changing one’s life habits can quicken the recovery process.

At the very least, the afflicted person will feel much, much better.

14 Signs of Mental Health Disorders

Because of the past stigma of mental illness, many people may avoid a proper diagnosis. Also, some signs and symptoms may overlap with physical conditions. Here are fourteen primary signs of mental health disorders that you should notice.

1. Lingering Feelings of Sadness and Hopelessness

It’s only human to feel melancholy on occasion. If someone tells you that they are always happy, they aren’t being truthful. Even when things are on the upswing, your moods may be blue.

However, deep despair that lasts for two weeks or more can be a red flag for mental illness. It’s the hallmark of anxiety and depression disorders. These bleak feelings usually accompany chronic negative thoughts.

2. Extreme Fear and Anxiety

There are common fears like speaking in public or encountering creepy spiders. However, fears of mental health issues go beyond normal worries. You may spend most of your time fretting about things that aren’t likely to happen.

Do you feel anxious and tense and don’t know why? Maybe your usual fears have turned into debilitating phobias. Your anxious emotions hinder you from living in the present.

3. Confusion and Lack of Concentration

Mental disorders often interfere with your thought processes and memory. You’ve always had mental clarity and good problem-solving skills in the past. It’s concerning when you begin to have issues focusing and completing tasks.

You may have done a routine job countless times, but now you have moments of confusion. Your memory may slip, and you start to forget important things. These issues may point to a mental health problem.

4. Isolation from Family and Friends

Like most people, you need occasional solitude to rest your brain. According to an article published by Frontiers in Psychology, spending time alone may benefit your entire well-being. It’s your opportunity to reflect and understand yourself better.

There’s a difference between healthy solitude and isolation. It may be a warning sign when you start to isolate yourself from your circle of family and friends. Chronic isolation is a symptom of several mental disorders, including depression.

5. Extreme Mood Changes

Are you usually an even-tempered person from day today? While anyone can have a bad day, your moods are generally predictable. If you have mental issues, you may not have the usual stability.

You may be on Cloud Nine, and the next minute, you’re down in the dumps. It may become difficult for others to deal with your ever-changing moods. You may have problems coping with it yourself.

6. Chronic Exhaustion

When you’re having mental issues, it can affect your whole body. Your brain is so overworked that it drains every ounce of energy you have. It may be all you can do to get out of bed in the mornings.

7. Changes in Your Sleeping Habits

One would think that there would be no problems sleeping at night if you have chronic exhaustion. Instead, you may experience many nights staring at the ceiling and counting sheep. It’s a vicious cycle that creates more fatigue more insomnia.

Perhaps you’re at the opposite end of the spectrum and sleep too much, which is called hypersomnia. No matter how many hours of rest you get, you feel like you haven’t slept a wink. If you notice either of these changes in your normal sleep patterns, it could be a mental health issue.

8. Lack of Coping Ability

From childhood through adulthood, you’ve learned to create coping skills for stressors. Whether it’s a simple problem or you’ve experienced a loss, you can usually cope.

If you’re having an issue with your mental health, you may feel chronically stressed. Your ability to cope diminishes and your anxiety may be in high gear. In this mindset, you may feel like you’re losing control.

9. Changes in Eating Habits

Are you an emotional eater, or do you lose your appetite when you’re upset? For many people, food may be a comfort for easing anxiety. A mental issue can make the most attractive dishes look distasteful to others.

Take notice if your eating habits drastically change over a short period. You may be overeating as a coping tool, resulting in weight gain. Or you may lose your appetite and lose more weight than you should.

10. Substance Abuse and Addiction

Not all coping tools are beneficial. In fact, some of them can be severe health risks. If you’ve developed an addiction that you’ve not had in the past, it could be related to your mental health. Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, tobacco, gambling, or the Internet, an addiction negatively affects your life and relationships.

11. Detachment from Reality

Some mental illnesses can make people lose their sense of reality. If you experience delusions, you believe things that aren’t factual. For example, you could have delusions of grandeur and believe you have superhuman powers.

These issues can also make you have visual and auditory hallucinations. You start to see and hear things that that aren’t real. Such detachment can be a symptom of schizophrenia or major depressive disorder.

12. Excessive Anger and Aggression

A study published by the World Journal of Psychiatry defines aggression as a purposeful action to hurt a person, animal, or property. According to the survey, aggression and hostility are also symptoms of several psychological disorders. It’s even more concerning when aggression results in violence.

Not everyone who has aggression issues becomes violent. Maybe you’re more impatient than usual, and a minor thing can make your temper explode. You may be more susceptible to bursts of anger that include verbal abuse.

Do you notice that people walk on eggshells when they’re around you? Have you lost some close relationships because of your anger issues? Could there be some mental problems behind the aggression that haven’t been addressed?

13. Unexplained Physical Issues

Since your mental and physical health is intrinsically related, something that affects one will affect the other. It’s not unusual for mental issues to manifest as unexplained aches and pains you’ve not had in the past.

You could be experiencing headaches and digestive issues that can be nearly debilitating. Perhaps medical tests have ruled out any physical reasons for your pain. It could be a symptom of an underlying mental condition.

14. Suicidal Thoughts

One of the most dangerous symptoms of mental illness is contemplating suicide. It’s even more severe when it includes rumination on ways to end your life. Unfortunately, some people who battle mental conditions will attempt suicide, and some will succeed.

Nine Habits to Change Your Mental Health

So let’s go over some ways that we can improve mental health, naturally!

1. A stable home life

Living in any emotionally damaging environment; whether it’s abuse, constant arguing, financial difficulties, or something else, makes treating any mental illness much more challenging – if not impossible.

Abuse of any kind – emotional, mental or physical – is a common catalyst for the development of mental problems. Children, our most cherished yet vulnerable people, are particularly susceptible to the severe aftereffects of abuse. In the United States, a child abuse case is reported every ten seconds.

If you’re among the abused, it is important to find a means of escape. Furthermore, if you know of a child victim of abuse, do the right thing and get the authorities involved. Treatment is available for everyone.

2. Diet and nutrition

Diet and nutrition aren’t the first things that come to mind when many think about mental illness; however, diet and mental health are – at the very least indirectly linked.

Diet systematically affects mental health by first causing physical health to deteriorate. Processed foods, along with foods with little to no nutritional value all contribute to this systematic effect.

Foods rich in Omega-3 and Omega-6 (e.g. avocado and fish) can aid mental health and improve cognitive functions.

3. Exercise

Adequate levels of exercise not only help your physical health, but can also serve a preemptive role in warding off symptoms of mental illness. Some research has shown physical activity to be more effective than antidepressants in many patients.

Again, exercise needn’t be arduous or time-consuming. A brisk walk, bike ride, or stair-climbing are all viable alternatives to “traditional” exercise routines.

4. Sleeping well

Important as it is to get the recommended seven to nine hours of sleep per night; a regular sleep schedule may be as much, if not more of, a benefit to a healthy mental state. Maintaining a regular sleep schedule normalizes the body’s circadian rhythm (i.e. “sleep/wake” cycle).

Getting adequate sleep and sticking to a regular sleeping routine may lead to faster results when treating mental illness, as well.

5. Meditation or relaxation practice

More and more medical professionals are “on board” with the interconnection between meditation and relaxation techniques and mental health. Research from institutions such as Harvard and Stanford University have consistently established the mental and physical health benefits of meditative and relaxation practices.

One needn’t commit to any particular program, either. A focus on developing mindfulness for 20 to 30 minutes per day can induce significant health benefits. Popular practices are mindful deep breathing, meditating, or concentration-based mindfulness.

6. Smoking

We already know that smoking may cause severe physical damage, but it can also exacerbate any mental health problems. In fact, the introduction of various toxins into the body through smoking may manifest into mood disorders.

The body/mind connection, established above in the “Diet and Nutrition” section, works against the smoker here. Quitting or drastically reducing the intake of nicotine – in any form – may be one of the best things you can do for your mental health.

7. Physical health

Relating to the mind/body connection (which is gaining further acceptance in the medical community) is overall physical health and its impact on mental illness.

Common conditions such as an infection, chronic headaches, or hypertension adversely impact the ability to cope with stress. Of course, chronic stress can lead to several mental illnesses: anxiety, depression, and insomnia, among them.

Preventing or promptly treating any physical illness can both help with and avoid potential mental illnesses. Scheduling an annual or bi-annual physical exam can assist in this regard.

8. Community and social involvement

It’s been repeatedly said that “human beings are social creatures,” and related research has established this fact.

Friendship is one of the best antidotes to mental distress. Even a day or two away with a friend or loved one may be enough to improve our outlook for days; this notion also applies to any community involvement.

9. Relationships

When it comes to mental health and relationships, there are two popular opinions: (1) the individual should work on their mental health before committing to a relationship, or (2) a healthy intimate relationship can drastically improve a person’s mental state.

As it turns out, new research sides with the second viewpoint.

In a study at the University of Jena in Germany, individuals aged eighteen to thirty years were accompanied by researchers and individually interviewed every three months. Those that scored high on a questionnaire measuring neuroticism (a long-term tendency to experience multiple negative mind states) showed improvement.

“The positive experiences and emotions gained by having a partner change the personality – not directly but indirectly…the perception of presumably negative situations change,” says lead author Christine Finn.

Final Thoughts on Habits to Change Your Mental Health

When you incorporate these habits into your lifestyle, you can benefit your mental health. It’s just as important as caring for your body and spirit. Remember the only shame is living with a treatable condition and not getting the help you need.

5 Ways To Create Positive Energy In Your Home

April 1, 2017 by Power of Positivity

After a long day of work, we all just want to go home, relax, and spend time with our loved ones. Home should offer solace in a world of chaos and constant movement; it should truly feel like our sanctuary. The place we return to after dealing with the stresses of every day life should bring us comfort, peace, and relaxation, and nothing less than a positive vibe. We spend a lot of time in our homes, so we all deserve to feel great while being in them.

If you struggle to make your house feel like a home, and just feel like you can’t really unwind while being there, then read on for some tips on bringing positive energy into your living space.

Here are 5 ways to add positive feelings to your home:

1. Bring nature inside your home.

House plants will not only help you relax and feel more positive, but they provide other amazing health benefits as well. A multitude of studies have shown that they can fight pollution, ward off allergies and colds, and even help your concentration and cognitive function. Not to mention, plants add a nice touch of color to your living space, bringing it to life (literally).

It’s no secret that being in nature is better for our well-being than living in concrete jungles, but most of us have to choose the latter to survive. So, if we can’t bring ourselves to nature, then why not bring the nature to us?

2. Keep your space clutter-free.

We can’t have a positive home with piles of clutter around every corner, so as daunting as it might seem to clean it all, try to keep up household chores on a regular basis. Not only will this help you have more space inside your home, but it will help alleviate clutter inside your mind, too. After all, the state of our homes says a lot about the state of ourselves. If we feel frazzled and cluttered inside, it will likely reflect on the outside, too.

Try to devote at least one day a week for cleaning up, and get the kids and significant other involved, too! Some of us might not look forward to cleaning (and may not have picked up a broom in years), but you can always put on some fun music while you do the dirty work, or even set a small reward for yourself afterwards so it doesn’t feel like such a chore. Similarly, taking care of other household maintenance tasks regularly can prevent bigger issues later. For a heat pump Charlottesville, call Thompson N’ Thompson to ensure your home stays comfortable year-round.

3. Unplug often to stay positive.

We live in a constantly plugged-in world, but many studies have proven how this can impact our mental, physical, and emotional health. Other studies have shown how using electronic devices before bed can affect our sleep as well, so make sure you take time every day and night to turn off the virtual world and connect with the real one around you.

Ironically, cell phones were invented so we could stay in touch more with those we love, but nowadays, many of us feel very out of touch with ourselves and others due to technology. Our homes should be a space where we can all come back from a busy, hectic day and spend time talking, laughing, playing, and loving each other, not droning out spending hours on our mobile devices.

If you have trouble disconnecting from the world on your screen (as most of us do), try to allot time each day after work to use your cell phone, tablet, or computer, and stick to the schedule. Your home will feel much more positive, and you’ll even feel more energized by taking a break from technology every once in a while.

4. Make your home smell good!

Candles, incense, and diffusers have become popular for a reason: everyone likes things that smell good! Think about it: do you feel happier walking past a dumpster or walking past a store in the mall selling fresh-baked cookies? I think we all can agree on that one, which proves that smells have quite an impact on our mood. Aromatherapy can provide relief from a variety of conditions, from anxiety to insomnia to joint pain, and everything in between. You can put candles, incense, or even tart burners throughout your home to fill it with pleasant aromas that will hopefully help you to relax as well.

5. Remember to say thanks for the positive in life.

Remaining grateful for everything we’ve been blessed with can help us to keep a positive mindset, which will make our homes feel more positive, too. If you have children, make sure to remind them to say “thank you” often, and to say their blessings every night before bed. In our world full of temptation, it can be quite easy to think we don’t have enough, but if you have a roof over your head, fresh food and water, some clothes on your back, and people who love you, you’re richer than most people in the world.

As a family, take turns saying what you’re thankful for each day, and what makes you happy. This will increase the whole family’s energy levels, and do wonders for everyone’s mindset as well. Staying thankful for the little things, even when life feels like a trainwreck, is perhaps one of the most powerful things you can do to stay positive in a seemingly negative world.

5 Signs You Don’t Love Yourself (Even If You Think You Do)

April 1, 2017 by Power of Positivity

How do we achieve this seemingly elusive state of loving ourselves, in a world where we oftentimes feel disconnected from ourselves? Loving yourself certainly requires time, effort, and commitment, but many of us don’t even know where to start. You might think you love yourself, but in this article, we’ll discuss a few signs that may mean you need to dig a little deeper to truly fall in love with you.

Here are 5 signs you don’t love yourself (even if you think you do):

refresh your mind

1. YOU FEEL DISCONNECTED FROM YOURSELF.

With most of us starved for time and relaxation, of course, it comes as no surprise that we feel disconnected and disjointed. However, if you feel this way more often than not, it might mean that you don’t really love yourself. To truly love yourself, you have to get connected with the “you” that’s been hiding under all the layers you’ve put on to protect yourself in this harsh world.

If you feel like an alien in your own body, simply getting back to nature for a bit or doing some deep breathing exercises can do wonders for your mental state. Learn to reconnect with Mother Earth and unplug from the “real world” for a little while. You’ll feel a lot more real when you get away from reality for a bit, ironically.

2. YOU DON’T TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH.

If you resort to food, alcohol, drugs, or any other substance for comfort, then you probably don’t take very good care of yourself. Not caring for our health is a surefire sign that we don’t truly love ourselves, but in a world with constant stressors, it can be all too easy to reach for a quick fix for our problems. We live in an overstressed, overburdened society, and stress can lead to a slew of health problems that tend to get worse over time if not dealt with properly.

Remember to take care of yourself, because no one else will do it for you.

3. YOU ALWAYS WANT TO ESCAPE YOURSELF.

Sometimes, we can feel trapped inside ourselves and our bodies, and just want to get out somehow. However, running from ourselves or our problems will never work, because at the end of the day, you’re still stuck with the person looking back at you in the mirror. If you don’t truly love yourself, then it only makes sense that you’d want to run as far away as possible from your perception of yourself. But see, here’s the thing: how you perceive yourself is everything.

If you look at yourself in a positive light and work to have a healthy self-image, you won’t feel nearly as restless and trapped inside your own self. Work on seeing the good things about yourself, rather than fixating on all the so-called “bad” things.

find yourself

4. YOU HAVE UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.

If you find yourself in unstable, toxic relationships time and time again, then you probably don’t really love yourself. Your relationships should enhance your life and well-being, not steal your joy and happiness. Getting tangled up in bad relationships means that you have some things you need to work on within yourself in order to attract the right people. We can only accept the love we think we deserve, so ask yourself: “Do I deserve better?” If you think you do, then you’re on the right track to developing stable, healthy relationships with others.

Loving yourself means getting rid of toxic relationships that only seek to destroy you, and welcoming positive relationships into your life.

5. YOU FEEL DISENGAGED IN LIFE.

Unfortunately, many of us feel this way on a daily basis. However, if we really loved ourselves, wouldn’t we go after the life that brought us the most happiness? Wouldn’t we work on building a life where we can truly feel alive? If you don’t feel interested and passionate about your life, then you need to look deep within and figure out why you chose the one you’re living now. We all deserve to live a life full of abundance in every single way, and you owe it to yourself to create a life worth living.

Work on learning about yourself and rediscovering what really makes you happy, so that you CAN live the life of your dreams and not have to settle for anything less.

References:
10 Health Problems Related to Stress That You Can Fix. http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/10-fixable-stress-related-health-problems#1

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Techniques To Deal With Difficult People

April 1, 2017 by Chris Butler

Are you in a situation where you need to deal with difficult people? It could be your co-workers or neighbors, or maybe even some of your family members. There are probably a multitude of reasons why these individuals are so complicated. You can’t control how they treat you, but you can control how you react to them.

Here are five techniques to help you better deal with difficult people.

1 – Show difficult people respect

It’s counterintuitive to show respect to someone unkind to you. Even though they don’t deserve it, you can treat them with respect. If you start attacking by yelling and getting upset at them, you’re stooping to their level. Refuse to resort to anger or name-calling. Acting as they do won’t eliminate the problem or make it any easier to deal with them. Showing them respect is treating them the way you would like to be treated.

How to show respect to someone, even when they are unpleasant:

Here are some simple ways to show the problematic people in your life some respect despite their bad behavior towards you.

Say good morning when you see them: Even if they don’t respond, you have tried to show them respect. You are refusing to be angry or mean to them as they have been to you. It’s a step towards helping them see what kind of person you are and maybe thawing out their anger.
Look for things you respect about them: Maybe they’re hard workers, that’s noteworthy. Or perhaps they have lovely kids. That’s worth respecting them. If you look hard enough, you’ll find something you can appreciate about this difficult individual in your life. It won’t change how they treat you, but it can help transform your perspective about them.
Respect their potential: You may not know everything about this challenging person, but you can at least assume they have some potential that could benefit the neighborhood, your office, or your community. Even the most difficult person has some talent or skill. Knowing this helps you value them.
Remind yourself of your shortcomings: It’s easy to see another person’s shortcomings while being blind to your own. If you have a difficult person in your life, try to acknowledge your weaknesses. Admitting that you’ve been challenging to live with at times levels the playing field. When you do that, you won’t feel superior to them. It doesn’t change the situation, but it can help you have a different perspective on the difficult person. Plus, it enables you to be a bit more understanding of them.

2 – Be compassionate towards them

You never know what people are going through. Perhaps they’ve had a tough life with lots of problems. Maybe they’re just angry at the world. Maybe the way they treat you has nothing to do with you. It’s just a reaction to their struggles in their life. Showing them compassion is responding positively despite their actions. It’s turning the other cheek. Showing empathy for someone who doesn’t act like they want it is hard. Find little ways to show you care.

Try the following acts of kindness:

Put your difficult neighbor’s trash can back into their yard
At work, please open the door for the problematic person so they can go in first
Offer your difficult teenager a special drink from Starbucks
Take cookies to your difficult neighbor
Send your difficult relative a text asking how they’re doing

Don’t assume that the way this person acts is about you. Instead, consider this difficult person needs some compassion. Then look for creative ways to show it.

3 – Stay calm

Difficult people are hard to deal with. They say and do things that make you mad. Perhaps your difficult co-worker gossiped about you at work, or your difficult neighbor yelled at your kids because they stepped into their yard. It’s tempting to want to get angry and yell back at them. In an unguarded moment, maybe you plotted your revenge. It’s normal to feel this way, but of course, getting angry or doing something revengeful will only make the situation worse. There is no use losing sleep over the problematic person. They’re sleeping fine. Instead, choose to stay calm and not respond in the same manner.

Choose kindness rather than revenge. Researchers note there’s a connection between anger and heart disease. Anger affects your nervous system, which activates stress hormones that affect your heart. Anger also contributes to unhealthy lifestyle choices, such as smoking, overeating, and drinking. Others view hostile people as untrustworthy or unsafe. Keep your own heart and mind calm so that you aren’t endangering your body or mind.

4 – Don’t let the difficult person steal your joy

Difficult people can loom large in your life. If you’re constantly thinking about them and the unkind things they’ve said to you, it’s as if they have power over you. When you allow your happiness to be dictated by what others think about you, it steals your joy. Resist the urge to let the difficult person’s view of you change how you view your life. Take what they say with a carefree attitude. Your self-worth isn’t dependent upon these difficult people’s acceptance of you. No matter what the difficult person thinks or does, you can maintain your joyful disposition and enjoy your life. Remember these things to help yourself find joy even if someone is mean and demanding.

Remind yourself of these fundamental truths:

This issue isn’t about you
They must be unhappy people who have problems at home
Think about all you’re grateful for in your life
Find joy in your daily tasks, your family, or your home
Write in our journal how you’re feeling about this situation
Get exercise to let go of the stress of the situation
Laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation
Practice yoga to stretch and ease your tension

5 – Ignore a difficult person.

Why waste your energy on negativity?

When all else fails, sometimes the best course of action when dealing with a rude person is to ignore them. It’s okay to refuse to deal with negative people because you won’t change them or the circumstances. They will continue to be difficult and hostile, no matter what you do.

Of course, avoiding them may not be possible, but you can at least not enter into a conversation with them. If they’re your neighbors, you may need to live your own life and be friendly with the other neighbors around you. The problematic people may not want to talk with you, anyway. It’s said that people can’t get along, primarily if you work together or are neighbors, but it’s the sad reality of the world. There will be those people who choose to push you away by their negative behavior.

Final thoughts on trying these techniques to deal with difficult people

It’s not easy being in a situation where you need to deal with difficult people. Whether you’re dealing with difficult family members, difficult neighbors, or difficult co-workers, it can take an emotional toll on you. Although they may have good reasons for their rudeness, it’s still tempting to think about what they’ve said and done to the point that you lose your joy. Please resist the urge to think about them all the time. Instead, you can choose to show them respect and compassion and stay calm when you’re around them.

If you find they are still challenging to be around, maybe the best thing for you to do is to ignore them. You won’t change them or the circumstance, but you need to preserve your mental health. Life is full of difficult people. Learning how to deal with them helps you grow.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

How To Naturally Detox Nicotine From Your Body

April 1, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Nicotine in any form is a highly addictive substance found in tobacco. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), more people are addicted to nicotine than any other drug, which may be as addictive as alcohol, cocaine, or heroin. Withdrawal symptoms, weight gain, and stress are the three main reasons people “light up” again and again.

Some people who smoke or dip chewing tobacco find it easier to quit than others, but anyone can stop using nicotine given the proper advice and guidance. Nobody should be disillusioned: abstaining from nicotine is difficult, and often requires numerous attempts. But it can be done.

Contrary to popular belief, it is entirely possible to quit nicotine naturally. It is also entirely feasible to detoxify the substance naturally, which is the focus of this article.

Tobacco smoke contains a deadly mix of more than 7,000 chemicals; hundreds are harmful, and about 70 can cause cancer. Smoking increases the risk for serious health problems, many diseases, and death. – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Here are ways to naturally detoxify the body of nicotine:

Here are some tips on starting a nicotine detox from Recovery org.

1. Drink water. Lots of it.

Purified water is, without a doubt, the most powerful way to flush toxins from the body. Water also consists of properties that seem to reduce nicotine cravings for many; unlike alcohol or nicotine, which often stimulates nicotine cravings.

Consuming at least a half gallon of water every day is not only effective at flushing toxins, but it also provides the necessary energy to enable one to quit. A good idea is to purchase a large water bottle and keep it filled. Bring the bottle with you wherever you go, and you’ll naturally find yourself reaching for some H2O.

2. Change your diet.

A diet rich in fruits and vegetables can help the body naturally rid itself of nicotine toxins. Also, consuming plenty of fruits and vegetables may ward off the weight gain that often occurs after quitting.

Broccoli and spinach are both “superfoods” (nutrient-dense foods) high in folic acid, and vitamins C and B5. The former is depleted by nicotine use, and replenishment of this vital nutrient can ward off cravings. The latter strengthens the immune system, aiding in the detoxification process.

3. Exercise to distract you from nicotine cravings.

Get your body moving. Do something, anything for at least thirty minutes a day that requires some physical exertion. Exercise, of course, causes the body to sweat which expeditiously detoxifies the body. Also, physical activity helps some people deal with the stress and agitation that often accompanies someone trying to quit nicotine. Finally, exercise serves as a great alternative when experiencing cravings.

Perhaps just as important, exercise invokes the release of endorphins and other feel-good chemicals in the brain. This effect often leads to being “addicted” to exercise – a much healthier alternative than nicotine.

4. Keep your mind occupied as you quit nicotine.

Here’s the thing: by not smoking – and, ideally, following the above-mentioned advice – your body will naturally detoxify and heal itself from past nicotine use.

But the truth is that you’ll still experience cravings, and some of these episodes can be rather intense. Keeping your mind busy via work or play (preferably the latter) will help suppress some of the inevitable impulses to drink or dip tobacco.

When a craving is present, delve into the task at hand. During your free time, open up an app you enjoy on your phone, or challenge your brain with some fun activity. Distraction works wonders on cravings, and your body will continue to naturally detoxify.

5. Practice mindfulness or meditation (or both)

Mindfulness is just experiencing thoughts as they arise without judgment; as a sort of distant observer. You needn’t dwell on thoughts that make you want to head to the corner store for a pack. Acknowledge the thought (craving), but don’t interact or overthink it. These feelings will fade, and your body will continue to detoxify and heal itself naturally.

Various types of meditation exist – transcendental meditation (TM), mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), focused attention meditation, Zen meditation, etc., that are powerful mind and body practices. Fifteen to twenty minutes a day (minimum) is all you need to reap the benefits of meditation; which, in this case, will optimize your body and mind to detox from nicotine.

How To Release Emotional Attachments To Toxic Relationships

March 31, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot more forward.” – Steve Maraboli, Behavioral Scientist and author of Life, the Truth, and Being Free

The truth is we all have an opinion on how best to handle “toxic” people. (“Toxic” in this context describes individuals who inflict (mostly emotional) harm onto others). Indeed, this subject evokes plenty of passion – and rightfully so.

Something of which the majority of us agree is that our emotional health suffers (thus, our physical health) when interacting with toxic individuals. We believe in the premise that a person who’s healthy and positive is more apt and willing to leave a positive influence – on people, in their life, and in the world.

The excruciating hardships one faces – both during and after a toxic relationship – cannot be overstated. Often, these individuals have been subject to control, criticism, judgment, and abuse; yet, despite these extremely adverse circumstances, some may find it hard to move on. A good heart continues to long for the other person; with memory of the “good times.”

In this article, we discuss some hard truths of toxic relationships – and why it’s always best (no matter how difficult) to let go.

(Note: while we explain toxic behavior and its repercussions mostly in the context of an intimate relationship, the information can apply to other relationship types. A little more about this later on.)

How To Release Emotional Attachments To Toxic Relationships

First, it is important to understand what makes “reversing” a person’s toxic nature difficult. The need to feel in control of a situation (here, a relationship) and subject (here, a person) is the among the more conspicuous personality traits of a toxic person.

Psychologists attribute a voracious need for control to one’s childhood experiences. Such individuals see others (e.g. parents) toxic behaviors; resulting in an accumulation of events stunting their ability to develop interpersonal relationships. Toxic people often lack empathy, compassion, kindness, and respect. Unfortunately, these traits often carry over into intimate relationships.

Another particularly troubling habit of toxic people is the proclivity to pick and choose warmhearted, susceptible individuals for a potential relationship. The types of people who seemingly always put others first and have a fierce sense of loyalty. In other words, the type of people who are likely to tolerate or look past someone’s toxic behavior. Unfortunately, good people of this variety are often more willing to cede control.

In a normal, healthy relationship, love is a reciprocated emotion – it’s given and received. Further, love and other healthy feelings are unconditional; requiring a drastic change of circumstance to fade. When the other half of a pairing is toxic, however, “love” is withheld and replaced with intentions that are anything but benevolent.

During the initial phases of a relationship, it is common for the victim to rationalize their loved one’s behavior. This rationalization becomes more difficult in that the toxic person will often iterate their love. In fact, some toxic partners will justify their behavior as “an act of love” (i.e. “I’m just doing this because I love you.”)

Twisted, manipulative conduct will inevitably worsen over time, as the toxic partner’s innate nature kicks in, shifting the blame onto the other, innocent partner, who will be told they’re too needy, jealous, insecure, weak, foolish, etc. – and that they are creating and worsening any relationship problems.

This abusive cycle repeats itself again and again.

The truth is that love is a relatively straightforward emotion in its purest form. Little contemplation is required of the love received from your Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, brothers, sisters, or close friends. We know love when we feel it. There is no ulterior motive.

Another important truth is that people despise hurting someone who they care about and love. When’s the last time you heard a loved one call you stupid or worthless? When’s the last time you were meant to feel less than human by the people who actually love you?

When “love” does not possess the qualities that make it recognizable, it is not love. When someone needs to try and justify a toxic person’s devious and cryptic conveyance of love, it’s time to part ways.

Parting ways

Walking away from anyone you’ve loved, no matter how badly that loved was betrayed, can be an excruciatingly difficult thing to do. With that said, here are some important things to keep in mind during the separation process:

– You may choose to “keep the door open” in the event that a person realizes a change of heart. (Consideration should be the type of relationship (platonic or romantic) and the magnitude of it’s events)

– Setting boundaries is often a necessary component of when dealing with a toxic person. Boundaries must be unambiguous and non-negotiable.

– If the loved one is a parent, sibling, or someone else close, someone will almost always have some “inside information” on their state. Take this information into consideration before making any significant relationship-altering decisions.

https://youtu.be/7co7fuG04_g

References:
Steve Maraboli. (n.d.). Retrieved March 14, 2017, from http://www.stevemaraboli.com/aboutsteve
Young, K., MA. (2016, September 03). When Someone You Love is Toxic – How to Let Go, Without Guilt. Retrieved March 14, 2017, from http://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-people-when-someone-you-love-toxic/

11 Signs You’ve Found Your Happily Ever After

March 31, 2017 by Power of Positivity

For many of us, successfully finding happily ever after is the highlight of our existence. Most of us want and need a person who unconditionally provides loving care – and someone that connects with your innermost being will nourish this want and need with plenty of enthusiasm.

Discovering “The one,” “My other half,” “My dream guy or girl,” “My happily ever after,” “My soulmate,” is all the more special because of – in most cases – the elusive and challenging path required to find them.

A “soulmate” can indeed be considered a “sole-mate.” This person must embody certain qualities that connect with mutually-shared depth; qualities found in the one soul of whom you were meant to be.

Here are 11 signs that you’ve found your happily ever after:

“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person, we’re safe in our paradise.” – Richard Bach

1. Differences and opinions are fully respected

Soulmates will often share many similarities and opinions, which often reaffirms they’re the right one. However, individual differences and differences of opinion are not considered an obstacle to the overcome; rather, they’re perceived as an opportunity to “agree to disagree.” No big deal.

2. You understand each other without speaking

Most of what we “say” isn’t said at all – at least in the verbal sense. Because of their deep interconnection, soulmates can understand the other person without them uttering a word. It’s intuition that only close, loving, and understanding people possess – and a soulmate certainly fits this description.

3. Soulmate = BFF

One’s soulmate and who they consider a “best friend” aren’t mutually exclusive. It’s been said that establishing a close friendship before intimate involvement improves a relationship’s chance of success. Whether or not your soulmate was once considered a friend, the chances are that they’re now your closest friend – or ‘BFF.’

You “get” each other, and personal traits are shared at a deep level.

4. Mutual agreement about the future

Imagining the same type of future is one of the most visible signs that the person is your soulmate. It also happens to be the most important. The term “honeymoon phase” is broadly applied to any intimate relationship; it just happens that this phase is not really a phase for a soulmate. Why? Because things don’t “sour” or “fade” as they often do in relationships that ultimately fail.

5. Being together beats being apart (almost) every time

We all understand that alone time is essential – and soulmates are adept at striking just the right balance. Trust is well-established, so time apart becomes less of an issue.

With that said, your soulmate is your BFF (remember?), and your relationship has a profound reciprocal quality. This makes spending time together trump spending time apart almost every time.

6. You’re unafraid to be yourself

The chances are that you didn’t find your soulmate on your first date (if so, wow!) Remember how that sense of awkwardness caused you or your date to put up a “mask”?

Soulmates are unabashed about who they are – and their other half loves them for it, which is the most important thing.

7. The relationship is worth fighting for

There is no perfect relationship, and this includes between soulmates. Disagreements and fights will occur, and various other challenges will arise.

Unlike relationships without a sound foundation, however, soulmates will fight through any difficulties. Your happily ever after will stick with you as your continue the fight, together.

8. You challenge each other

Not allowing your other half to rest on their laurels is a benefit. Yes, your partner will admire you for what you’ve accomplished, but they’ll also conceptualize your full potential – and make this well known.

9. Flaws and qualities are known and accepted

The chances are that your soulmate is well aware of any “defects”.” Moreover, they accept these traits. Of course, this doesn’t mean that they won’t even question them (see #8) should they perceive the flaw as a significant relationship barrier.

But “flaws” like impulsiveness, stubbornness, perfectionism, and so forth, are likely well-known by know. It’s also fair to assume that you’ve worked on them somewhat because of your soulmate – or perhaps at their behest.

10. An intense intuition

This one pertains to the beginning phases of a not-yet-intimate relationship. People that have experienced a sensation such as “love at first sight” attest to a strong sense of familiarity and cohesiveness, despite not knowing the person well.

Sometimes, “when it’s right, it’s right.” If you’re one of the lucky ones, then good for you!

11. They make you forget “the bad”

Have a rough day at the office? Someone rub you the wrong way? Give you a dirty look?

Embracing your happily ever after will soon make such things a distant memory. In each other’s company, soulmates are in their favorite element. They realize that – at the end of the day – any adversity was well worth it.

12 Laws Of Being Human That Will Change Your Life

March 21, 2017 by Power of Positivity

The purpose of this article is not to look into the sociological evolution of the human race, but to remind us of values that the majority of us share. Call this collective understanding a “social contract,” “laws of humanity,” “laws of being human,” or whatever one may wish. The premise remains the same: we create our path in life with an understanding that certain rules apply to us as a species.

In this article, we present 12 laws of being human. These “laws” are what have enabled us to form alliances and defeat those who threaten our very existence.

12 Laws Of Being Human That Will Change Your Life

“There is but one law for all, namely that law which governs all law, the law of our Creator, the law of humanity, justice, equity – the law of nature and of nations.” – Edmond Burke

Mr. Burke’s quote is concise yet compelling, if only for the phrase “the law of humanity justice, equity – the law of nature and of nations.” Despite our differences, of which there are many, the vast majority of human beings knowingly abide by the laws of humanity. No matter our differences, many of us cherish the ideal notion that humans should co-exist despite our conflicting natures.

1. Relationships are key

It’s an evolutionary fact: human beings are social creatures. While everyone possesses introverted, extroverted, or ambivert tendencies, we all require healthy relationships to make our way in this world.

All relationships are not created equal. We’ll love, hate/strongly dislike (it happens), accept, disavow, trust and distrust thousands of people through our lifetime. The important thing to remember is not to write people off because of someone else. We need each other.

2. Inner strength can make the difference

Miyamoto Musashi, widely considered to be the greatest samurai warrior to ever lived, once said: “There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter, Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.”

Cultivating our inner strength is paramount to overcoming life’s obstacles.

3. Life is uncertain

Obstacles will present themselves – and sometimes during the most inconvenient periods of our life. We have three choices: go over, go through, or remain stagnant. Just remember that every uncertainty and obstacle is an opportunity to strengthen your character.

4. Loneliness afflicts every human

By nature, some of us will feel more alone than others; but we all experience a sense of isolation at one point (often many points) during life. Every human that’s ever lived has had to go through times of loneliness, isolation, and despair.

5. Some days are better than others

If you wake up in the morning, it’s a gift – a victory. Although that day’s events may unfold into something terrible, at least you were given the opportunity to live another one. Give thanks for that day, and hope for a better tomorrow.

6. Not everyone will like you, and vice-versa

Personalities are different; therefore, people are different; therefore, people with different personalities will butt heads. The cool thing is that there’s someone out there waiting to be discovered, someone that you’ll completely vibe with. Chances are you’ve got some in your inner circle.

7. Messing up (again and again) is assured

Does anyone else think it’s hilarious that some people consider themselves perfect or nearly perfect (see: narcissism or perfectionism)? Admittedly, some of us have made egregious mistakes. The critical question to ask is: did I learn something? Because you’re going to screw something up again – and have the opportunity to learn something again.

8. Life can be downright unfair

People we trust will break that trust. Moreover, people we love will disavow that love; people will lie, manipulate, steal, and deliberately attempt to inflict hurt. That’s life. It’s only a small part of life, but a part of life nonetheless. We’ll grow, we’ll adapt, we’ll become stronger. Because that’s what we do.

9. We’ll experience a broken heart

Yes, that third-grade boyfriend or girlfriend that broke up with you on the playground counts (kind of). We date and have our heart broken; we marry and have our heart broken; someone passes, and we have our heart broken.

As #8 states clearly: “Life can be downright unfair.” The same applies to many wonderful people who’ve (sometimes, repeatedly) had their good heart broken for no good reason.

10. The human body and mind is ours to take care of

Despite the billions and billions of people that have ever lived, nobody has replicated your body and mind. We must learn to accept and love both to live a peaceful, happy existence.

You’re special. If for no other reason that nobody like you has, or ever will, exist. Understand your nature and take care of yourself.

11. It’s human nature to be defensive at times

…But it can result in some missed opportunities. This is particularly true for the risk-averse, who try to wait for “the right time and place” for just about everything. Sometimes, it’s best to “lower the shield” and give someone or something else a chance.

Perhaps most importantly, try not to carry the “excess baggage” of your past. This baggage may result in your missing out on something truly beautiful.

12. A passion is ours to do something with

Okay, so maybe our childhood dream of becoming an astronaut didn’t quite pan out. But we believe that within each one of us is a passion waiting to be put to use in some way.

It doesn’t matter your age, education, income, or anything else. If you have a deeply-ingrained passion – no matter how elusive it may be – grab hold and make something of it.

Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.