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How Often Should You Eat Dessert If You Want to Lose Weight?

July 17, 2017 by Power of Positivity

“It’s not realistic to tell people to never eat dessert; that’s not something I expect of my clients, or myself.” – Metltzer Warren, R.D.N. and nutritionist

We all know what’s supposed to be the best way to lose weight. How many times have we heard “Eat a well-balanced diet,” “Eat breakfast,” and “Eat (x) and drink (y) in moderation?” Some diets even propose the elimination of all types of sugar; with some (e.g. the Atkins Diet) requiring dieters to count the grams of natural sugars in fruits and vegetables.

And we wonder why diets are, by and large, a terrific failure – with between 80 to 90-plus percent of dieters regaining their weight within a year (90-plus percent regain their weight within three years.) Such statistics, which are widely published in scientific journals, may evoke a sense of discouragement – but this would be a misinterpretation. We’ll expand a bit more of the reasons later on.

Perhaps the old cliché, “It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle,” was born out of the grand failings of the weight loss industry.

Moderation

At this juncture, we’ll reintroduce and expand upon the oft-quoted diet advice of “Everything in moderation,” which has plenty of merit – when understood in the correct context.

The word ‘moderation’ is somewhat vague in certain respects. The Oxford Dictionaries define moderation as “The avoidance of excess or extremes.” Merriam-Webster has a similar definition: “Avoiding extremes of behavior or expression; observing reasonable limits.”

Moderation can be interpreted, then, as one extreme or the “other.” When consuming alcohol, provided that an individual possesses common sense, such an interpretation is quite useful. There’s “falling down drunk” and “a beer or two,” for example.

Concerning food, moderation is something a bit more abstract in nature. Let’s use a piece of cake as an illustration. Does moderation mean one piece of cake? If so, is one piece of cake daily okay? A beer or two daily, after all, has been shown to possess certain health benefits – something that remains true even when dieting.

Surely, one piece of cake per day is cool, right? Most “dieters” or other individuals trying to maintain a healthy weight will answer this question with a resounding “no.” Science, as it turns out, is a collective “no” on this, as well.

Not-so-accidentally, the word “moderation” is a favorite of junk food companies. Consider this reporting published by health and science reporter, Beth Skwarecki:

“…look at the Back to Balance Coalition, made of 18 “leading food groups” that have signed a statement of principles promoting moderation. Their motto: “All foods fit in a balanced diet.”

“(the 18 groups) include the Sugar Association, the National Confectioners Association, the Corn Refiners Association (makers of corn syrup), the National Potato Council ([most potato consumption in America is through chips and fries]), the Grocery Manufacturers Association (members include Coca-Cola and Hershey), and the Snack Food Association.”

What does the alcohol vs. cake example in Ms. Skwarecki’s reporting have to do with losing weight? Simply this: the theoretical has no place in weight loss or maintaining health.

When it comes to what you put in your body, scientific consensus is everything.

Health Experts Explain The Relationship Between Dessert And Losing Weight

Eating dessert is a good thing

No, you did not misread the above statement. Eating dessert is a good thing – when the flimsy “everything in moderation” advice is replaced with real data and information. (And not some “Back to Balance” members who represent corporate interests in various fast food, soda, and candy companies.)

Quantity

First thing’s first: for those losing weight, it is recommended to limit your favorite treats to 1-2 times per week. According to nutritionists, this rate shouldn’t interfere with your progress, provided that you are consuming no more than the recommended serving amount on the nutrition label.

(The only exception to the “1-2 times per week” recommendation is dark chocolate. A 2011 Harvard University study found eating a couple “chunks” of dark chocolate is beneficial for lowering blood pressure, as an anti-inflammatory, and strengthening the immune system.)

Here are some other reasons why indulging a couple of times per week can be healthy:

It may boost weight loss

Mindfully eating your dessert; through counting your bites and focusing on the taste, may help slim your waistline. According to an article published in Readers Digest: “One study asked participants to first choose a healthy or unhealthy snack, and then count how many times they swallowed while eating it. Researchers found that (dieters) who chose the unhealthy snack … felt satisfied more (quickly).” Satiety, of course, is a key element of weight loss.

Eating treats may curb your cravings

Nyree Dardarian, director of the Center for Integrated Nutrition and Performance Coordination at Drexel University, told Time Magazine: “When you put rules and restrictions on something, you’re only going to want it more.” Instead, focus on portion control – with desserts and every other food.

Eating treats may ignite activity

For some healthy folks, having a treat occasionally provides some motivation to get moving. “The number one thing I love about dessert is that what you see is what you get. (I’m) making a conscious decision to have a treat,” says registered dietitian Jaclyn London. This conscious decision, for her and others, is added incentive to get to the gym.

It’s a wonderful reward

Most of us work at least one-third of the day. The idea of going to the gym or doing something else that requires additional effort is overwhelming at times. A dessert can serve as an excellent reward for our hard work

6 Behaviors That Boost Your Sex Appeal

July 17, 2017 by Sarah Barkley

Your sex appeal goes well beyond your physical appearance. While the way you look does play a role, there is much more to it.

Each time you interact with someone, your personality and behavior boost your attractiveness just as much as your appearance.

People become attracted to your behaviors and mannerisms, boosting your sex appeal. Your level of attractiveness doesn’t depend on luck or anything else. Anyone can increase their appeal by implementing a few new habits in their life.

Behaviors That Enhance Your Sex Appeal

The best behaviors that boost our sex appeal are ones that allow us to remain classy. You don’t have to modify your physical appearance or compromise your comfort to be more attractive. Instead, things like selflessness, confidence, creativity, openness, and other aspects play a role.

1. Showing a Sense of Selflessness is Sexy

Each time you do a selfless act, you boost your sex appeal in the eyes of others. Studies show that helping others increases attractiveness and inspires a good mood within. Since happiness increases attractiveness, being in a good mood will quickly boost your appeal.

Plus, when others see you being selfless, you instantly become more attractive to them. Helping others lets potential partners know that you have a nurturing nature, which most people consider a sexy attribute. Selfless behavior also shows people that you will be caring towards your partner as well.

If you aren’t sure where to begin when it comes to helping others, consider things you are good at. You can help an older person with grocery shopping, mentor children, or volunteer at a homeless shelter or hospital. It doesn’t matter what you choose to do, as long as you practice selflessness and help others.

2. Be A Sexy Stranger

Research shows that familiarity is less desirable in a mate than unfamiliarity. Being more attracted to a stranger is because of the unconscious effort to have genetically diverse children. Being a sexy stranger requires a little mystery and emotional control.

When you hold back a little, it creates a fantasy in the minds of others, heightening the experience and emotions. In the early stages of attraction, over-revealing things about yourself and your feelings can decrease your sex appeal. Some of the things you can do to be a sexy stranger include:

avoid posting everything on social media
stay active with your own goals and hobbies
don’t reveal your feelings too soon
take things slow so that the sexual tension simmers
practice indifference if you feel rejected
encourage the other person to talk
avoid talking about negative topics at the beginning
don’t send too many selfies
avoid texting more than once if they didn’t respond

3. Tapping into Your Creative Side

Creativity is one of the best ways to boost your sex appeal. Your creativity can be focused on art, music, film, dance, or any other creative outlet, and it’ll help in many ways.

First, creativity is linked to intelligence, which is something many people find attractive in a partner. Creative people tend to have deeper and more meaningful conversations, which is an ideal trait.

Creativity also indicates good genes, which most people subconsciously look for. Plus, creative people can express their feelings and desires better than other people. Find a creative outlet and let your mind flow as you boost your appeal. For those interested in exploring their desires further, Cock Cages Australia can provide a unique avenue for creativity in personal expression and intimacy.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Like an Open Book

You can be open without revealing too much about yourself in the beginning. When you’re around others, maintain positive body language that makes you open to others. Keep your arms uncrossed, stand up straight, keep your chin up, and your shoulders back.

Maintaining good posture and positive body language will make you approachable and boost your sex appeal. Plus, an open body posture will subconsciously convey your romantic interest. Think of it as adjusting yourself to take up more space than you typically do.

Don’t look at your phone too much, either, as it makes you seem closed off and unavailable. The more approachable you are, the sexier you seem to others.

5. Take Control of Yourself

Being in control of yourself boosts sex appeal because it makes you seem powerful, mysterious, and independent. Start by taking control of your emotions by not lashing out when someone has a different opinion. You can also show emotional control by not repeatedly texting someone when they aren’t texting back.

Striking up a conversation with someone and breaking the ice is a good way to take control, too. You can also develop strong plans rather than wait for the other person to come up with something. When you can take control instead of waiting around, you’ll instantly seem sexier.

Additionally, you can make yourself feel sexy by wearing something that you feel confident in. Taking control of your appearance is a sure way to boost your sex appeal quickly. Spend time grooming each day, too, focusing on hair, skincare, and oral hygiene.

6. Confidence Is Key

Confidence stands out more than any other characteristic, making it an effective way to boost your appeal. If you’re comfortable in all situations, other people will notice and be attracted to your confidence.

If you want to flirt with someone, do it boldly while keeping eye contact. Practice self-assurance and make yourself stand out. Speak confidently to let the other person know you are interested without saying it directly.

Making decisions with confidence is a way to boost sexiness, too. Trust your instincts while listening to input from others but remain confident with the decision you think is best. When you know what you want, others will be sexually attracted to you.

Eight Things That Might Hinder Your Sex Appeal

While there are things you can do to boost your sex appeal, things make you less attractive. Many of these traits and behaviors will surprise you, and you might even realize you’re guilty of some.

1. Not Getting Enough Sleep

Research shows that sleep-deprived people are less attractive than those that get an entire eight hours of sleep. People that don’t get enough sleep experience pale skin, red eyes, and drooping eyelids. Additionally, lack of sleep causes dark circles under the eyes and can make someone look sad.

2. Stress

High levels of the stress hormone cortisol make people appear less attractive, giving you plenty of reason to relax a little. Researchers explain that it’s because people with low cortisol levels indicate fertility and health, which potential partners subconsciously look for.

3. Lacking a Sense of Humor

Researchers at the University of California at San Diego determined that not having a sense of humor makes someone less attractive. Even an average sense of humor makes you less attractive if someone with a great sense of humor is nearby. Making people laugh increases the likelihood that they will like you.

4. Being Lazy

A lazy person is less attractive than those that work even an average amount. Researchers asked students to rate their peers, and those that were uncooperative, not hardworking, or lazy were deemed less attractive. Even if an individual was considered sexy or good-looking at first, they were rated as unattractive in the end if they were lazy.

Being lazy also typically means someone doesn’t have a passion in life, contributing to their lack of appeal. Potential partners want to know that you have goals and strive for self-improvement.

5. Lying

Dishonesty has a major effect on perceived attractiveness and likability. Research from the University of Western Ontario shows that lying has more of an impact than unintelligence and dependence. Many people find it hard to respect someone that lies, making it impossible for attraction to occur.

6. Drinking or Smoking too Much

Research shows that people who drink alcohol and smoke frequently are less attractive than those that do it occasionally. This evidence was more prevalent in those considering long-term partners.

7. Being Mean

Mean or spiteful people are less attractive than nice ones, and this surprising fact is backed by research. People want to feel respected and appreciated, and mean people can’t offer that kind of behavior.

8. Bad Grammar

This trait is often overlooked when someone wants to boost their appeal, but it plays a role. Studies show that bad grammar, both online and in-person, reduces levels of attractiveness.

Not only does incorrect grammar indicate a lack of education, but it also indicates a lack of interest. Some people even consider bad grammar to be lazy behavior.

Final Thoughts on the Six Behaviors That Boost Your Sex Appeal

Your sex appeal is so much more than your physical appearance. While physical attractiveness does play a role, you can boost your sex appeal in quite a few ways. Practice these behaviors, and you’ll become more comfortable with them, naturally increasing your attractiveness.

Not only will other people find you sexier, but you’ll feel better about yourself, too. When you feel better, you’ll be happier and more confident all the time. It’ll take practice and self-control, but it’ll become easier the more you do it.

Dying Army Veteran Has One Final Wish – He Wants to Hear From You

July 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Lee Hernandez, an army veteran who has served 18 years, is dying. Despite this, he only has one final wish: he wants to talk to you.

Living on hospice care in his home in New Braunfels, Texas, 47-year old Lee Hernandez has come out on the other side of three separate brain surgeries and numerous strokes. It’s taken a while, but Lee’s wife, Ernestine Hernandez, has finally found a way to make her husband’s passing days a little bit happier.

Phone calls and text messages brightened Lee Hernandez’ day, something that Ernestine discovered after her husband became depressed one day when he asked her to hold his phone, just in case someone were to call. Lee Hernandez lamented, “I guess no one wants to talk to me.”

Because of his brain surgeries and strokes, Lee now has a difficult time speaking. People often have a hard time understanding what he’s saying, and Ernestine believes that many people don’t want to speak with him because of that.

Dying Army Veteran Has One Final Wish – He Wants to Hear From You

Determined to find someone who would put aside Lee’s speech problems and contact him to make his dying days better, Ernestine contacted Caregivers of Wounded Warriors, and made a plea out into the world for someone to contact her husband and keep him in high spirits and in good company. She was determined to find someone out there who would take the time out of their day to contact her husband, and make him see that there were still plenty of people who were interested in what he had to say, even if sometimes he had a hard time saying it.

The Arizona Veterans Forum advertised his wishes on Facebook, which immediately resulting in an outpouring of support towards the Hernandez family. Ever since then, Lee has been in no shortage of calls and text messages. Many of the people who call are doing so to pray for him, though others are just reaching out for a conversation to brighten his day. People are reaching out to let Lee know he isn’t alone, and that his service as a Veteran is appreciated. Ernestine reads him the text messages, while Lee takes the calls.

Lee Hernandez had served 18 ½ years as a soldier in the Army, which included a tour in Iraq. He had lived through those eighteen years, and is now battling a terminal illness. He has been struggling with his health for the last five years, something Ernestine has been by his side through the entire time.

Unfortunately, in the past year, Lee’s health has begun to plummet, and despite the many odds that he’s already beaten, he’s no longer winning the battle. In hospice care, Lee Hernandez knows he’s dying, and wants to simply live out the rest of his days in contact with the world outside his home. Reaching out to people, knowing he’s not alone, has been a tremendous help to him, and has kept Lee Hernandez in good spirits.

Ernestine is incredibly grateful for the show of support from everyone. She’s doing her best to give her husband the best care – both physically and emotionally – that she can while they both travel the end of this hard journey together.

LET’S HELP FULFILL THIS BRAVE VETERAN’S WISH

To contact Lee Hernandez and be a part of making this veteran’s final wish come to fruition, simply call or text: 210-632-6778.

Ernestine Hernandez has commented that those who wish to contact Lee can do so during the late afternoon or early evening, Central Daylight Time, between 2:00 pm and 6:00pm. This is when Lee is alert and awake.

For anyone who would like to send a postcard to Lee Hernandez please send to: PO BOX 10066, Glendale AZ 85308 C/O Salute Media

Ernestine Hernandez has warned that they may not pick up the phone every time, but that it’s not because they don’t want to hear from you. However, some days, Lee is in a lot of pain, which makes talking much harder and the medication he takes to manage the pain can make him less alert.

If you want to make sure your message reaches him, send a text. Any amount of support is welcomed by the Hernandez family.

All it takes is a simple text or a five minute to call to reach out and make someone feel a little less alone, and a little more connected to the world.

Are You Still Friends With Your Ex? Researchers Explain 5 Reasons People Do It

July 15, 2017 by Sarah Barkley

Are you deciding whether or not you should stay friends with your ex? While some people swear off past loves for good, others manage to hang onto a friendship with relative ease.

Researchers Justin Mogiliski and Lisa Welling studied this–and they agree that it is possible for some.

“Our findings are consistent with previous research and suggest that (post-relationship friendship) may provide opportunity for ex partners to exchange desirable resources (e.g., love, status, information, money, sex) after romantic relationship dissolution. Staying friends with an ex: Sex and dark personality traits predict motivations for post-relationship friendship”

As this article is based on a scientific study, let’s clarify some jargon that you’ll come across.

PRF = post-relationship friendship: Maintaining a (real or apparent) friendship with an ex.
CSF = Cross-sexual friendship: Plutonic sex, or “friends with benefits.”
NOTE: When you read “rated” or “rate,” this means a weighted average. This distinction is essential, as some info [e.g., the male findings in the “Results” section] may seem contradictory.

Justin Mogilski and Lisa Welling, both psychology professors at Oakland University in Michigan, wanted to study the specific reasons for maintaining friendships with ex-partners. Some research had already been done, but much more on CSFs than PRFs (remember the key.) Further, Mogilski and Welling wanted to focus also on the post-relationship behaviors of people with “dark traits” – a bit more on this later.

The researchers had the participants brainstorm five reasons why someone would remain friends with their partner to accomplish their ends. Afterward, the participants took two personality tests.

Using this data, researchers analyzed each person’s “5 reasons,” ultimately grouping the 2000-plus responses into seven categories. We will focus on six: reliability/sentimentality, pragmatism, continued romantic attraction, children and shared resources, social relationship maintenance, and sexual access. The researchers also took gender into account.

Results of the Study on Friendship With an Ex

The two-part study revealed some fascinating stuff. To avoid overwhelm, here is a bulleted list of the interesting (if not predictable) findings:

Men value pragmatism (money, gifts, etc.) and sexual access as reasons for remaining friends more than women. Both sexes cited reliability and sentimental reasons (good listening, supportive behaviors, similar personalities, trust, etc.) for a PRF at about the same rate. Ex-partners who were friends before romantic involvement are more likely to maintain a PRF.
PRF outcomes are similar to CSFs in nearly every measure.

People with “honesty-humility” personality traits are less likely to continue a friendship for practical or sexual reasons. They’re also the least likely to have a PRF at all.
Extraversion (“outgoing, aggressive”) and agreeableness (“kind, warm, considerate”) personality traits are more likely to maintain a PRF for reliability/sentimentality reasons.
Extraversion “predicted” pragmatic motivations and sexual access – a trend observed among those with dark personalities.
This last observation leads us to the root of the study (and this article): 5 “secret” reasons that some people remain friends with their exes.

Before we get to the list, here’s the study’s definition:

“Dark personality features are a collection of antagonistic behaviors and interpersonal styles that are associated with disagreeableness, manipulativeness and callousness, and exploitativeness.”

In short, dark characters are aggressive, abrasive, untruthful, shallow, and calculating. With these positive descriptors in mind, here’s what they mean for a post-relational friendship.

5 Secret Reasons People Remain Friends With Their Exes

Study participants stayed friendly for these five reasons.

1. They want perks

“This (research) suggests that some individuals maintain a friendship after a break-up for reasons that depart from what some might typically expect from a friendly ex,” says Mogilski. Whether it’s money, sex, or something else, these characters may be looking at some angle to exploit.

2. They want to control

Here’s where the narcissistic factor comes into play. People who scored high on the narcissism part of the “pathological personality features” test are likely to coax their way into a PRF to seize control over someone. This is particularly true if they feel some sense of control was lost upon the relationship’s end.

3. They want to sabotage your relationships

Maintaining a friendship with a shady ex places any future relationship at risk. It doesn’t matter if the person is just a friend or something more. If they catch wind of any “potential” romantic interest of yours, they may attempt to disrupt severely – if not outright destroy – that relationship. Their actions may adversely impact other connections, from plutonic to professional.

4. They want to take advantage of your kindness

If their selfish nature didn’t rear its ugly head during your relationship (or if you didn’t notice it), you could almost be sure that it will during “friendship.” Notice the quotation marks around friendship. Aside from not sharing anything tangible, you can forget about them sharing genuine, mutual companionship. Anything perceived as otherwise is probably faked.

5. They want revenge

“Revenge is a dish best served cold” is a long-standing maxim – and it may explain why your ex is bothering to hang around. If you fell for the wrong person, only to realize it later and soon break it off, remain cautious about saying the “F” word (the other one.) Though rare, this study (and many others) have found a strong link between borderline and real sociopathic/narcissistic traits and exacting retribution.

Setting Ground Rules When Staying Friends with Your Ex

If you stay friends with an ex, you must set ground rules. These rules will make it so that both of you feel comfortable with the friendship and how things play out. Being friends with your previous lover can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to be.

Give It Time

Before jumping into a friendship, you must take some time for yourself. If the breakup is fresh, you likely still have feelings for them, whether negative or positive. Not having contact for a while can give both of you time to heal, making friendship possible.

There’s no set timeline to follow in this situation. Give it as much time as you think is necessary, working to overcome your feelings before an encounter. Wait until you’ve moved on and can focus on being just friends instead of trying to get them back.

Making sure you’re both over each other is essential to a healthy friendship. Once you think enough time has passed and decide to spend time together, pay attention to how you feel. It might be too soon if the energy is tense or there’s still an attraction.

Forgive Your Ex

You can’t be friends with your former lover if you hold a grudge over something from the past. There was likely anger or heartache at the end of your romance, and you must forgive to move past it. If you can’t get over what they did, you’re better off not trying to be friends.

No Flirting

Avoid flirting with your ex if you want to be friends because it could make it harder for one of you to move on. Plus, it can rekindle feelings that you thought you were already past. Be careful to avoid inside jokes and romantic gestures that you were once comfortable with.

What you might think of as harmless flirting can interfere with your friendship. Instead, try to avoid it and treat your previous partner how you’d treat every other friend. It’s easy to fall back into your old habits, so be careful.

Respect the New Situation

You aren’t a couple anymore, and you must respect that situation if you want to be friends. Please don’t treat them how you did before because the new friendship requires a change.

Respecting the situation means that you can’t expect them to text or call you daily. The other person doesn’t have to tell you everything about their life anymore. As friends, you must respect the new boundaries.

To respect the situation, it’s a good idea to avoid being friends with benefits. If you keep having a physical relationship, it’ll make it hard to have a healthy friendship.

Set Boundaries

When you become friends with your former lover, you can’t turn to the same habits as before. They might have been your go-to person for many things, but the situation is different now. Setting boundaries is essential to ensure neither of you reverts to old habits and expects things to be certain.

Avoid turning to your ex for emotional support, love, or affection. If you want the situation to work, you must have emotional boundaries and treat it like you would any other friendship.

Additionally, please don’t send them messages saying you still have feelings. It pushes the boundaries and shows that a friendship won’t work.

As you set boundaries, make it clear that neither should mention your past together. Bringing up old memories or romantic experiences makes it hard to focus on the new friendship. You must look at romantic relationships and friendships as individual situations.

Make Sure Things Are Different

Relabel your relationship to make sure that things are different. Instead of referring to them as your ex, consider calling them a friend. Since you’re friends now, there’s no reason to refer to them any other way.

Plus, switching to calling them a friend helps you make the shift in your mind. It makes the situation less complicated and prevents you from overthinking the relationship.

Many exes who become friends allow their friendship to resemble a romantic relationship. When this happens, it makes it nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship with both people happy.

Hang Out in Group Settings

Spending time together in a group can make it easier to merge into a friendship. Meeting one-on-one can be hard at first, so a group setting can ease the discomfort. Plus, it lets you see if the new arrangement is possible before putting yourself into a tense situation alone.

You might even decide to only hang out in group settings for the duration of your friendship. One-on-one experiences with a former lover can be uncomfortable no matter what the situation looks like now. Having other people around also makes enforcing boundaries easier.

Find Things to Bond Over and Create New Memories

Finding things to bond over is essential for any friendship, including one with your ex. Create new memories so that you aren’t always thinking back on the romantic experiences.

If you enjoyed certain activities together as a couple but didn’t have any romantic memories attached to them, you could continue enjoying those things together. All that matters is ensuring your bond over things without romantic attachments so that you can create new memories together.

Creating new memories gives you something to look back at and discuss when you’re together. You don’t want to continually bring up romantic memories because it will make things tense and uncomfortable. New memories make it easier to avoid bringing up bad experiences.

Be Honest About Your Friendship

You will start dating again eventually, and you’ll want to be honest about your friendship. Please don’t lie to any new partners about your past with your previous lover, or it can complicate things. Explain early on that the friend is your ex and that you’ve developed a healthy friendship without romantic feelings.

Your new partner might be a little uncomfortable with the situation, but they’ll be more accepting if you’re honest. Don’t hesitate to detail how you keep things strictly friendly. When a new partner isn’t okay with the friendship, you’ll have to decide which is more important.

Being open about it will make you and your partner feel better about the experience. Plus, you won’t have to put your friend group in an awkward position of always keeping secrets for you. You also won’t have to worry about your new partner finding out from someone else.

Encourage Them to Start Dating Again

If you want to be friends with your previous partner, encourage them to get out there and start dating again. You might feel weird about it at first, but you’ll have to get through it eventually. It helps both of you take a step back from the idea of you two as a couple and focus on a friendship instead.

When you meet your ex’s new partner, please do whatever you can to make them feel comfortable. Make sure you don’t do anything to make it look like either of you still has romantic feelings.

Don’t Be Afraid to Say No.

Switching to a friendship requires that you speak up when you are uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to tell your former lover when they’re crossing boundaries. If anything feels weird to you, say no and step back.

You don’t want to give in to these situations because it’ll make the friendship weird. Friendships should feel good, and you should be able to speak up. You don’t have to continue going along with things if it isn’t bringing happiness to your life.

Sometimes you’ll notice that you need more space, and that’s okay, too. Take a step back and spend less time around your ex to make sure a friendship is possible.

Don’t Hesitate to End the Friendship If Necessary.

If the friendship isn’t working, don’t hesitate to end it. Sometimes it’s impossible to be friends, and you must recognize it and walk away.

If either of you has feelings, a friendship won’t be beneficial. Additionally, if boundaries aren’t enforced or respected, it’s best to walk away. Please don’t put your ex’s feelings or thoughts before yours because it’s up to you to do what’s best for your life.

Be honest about why you don’t think a friendship will work. Then, eliminate contact so avoid falling back into old habits. You can still get along and be cordial even if you aren’t friends.

Final Thoughts on Staying Friendly with an Ex

Many people decide to stay friends with an ex, and the situation can be a beneficial experience. However, it’s not always possible or easy. Consider why you want to stay friends and then determine if it would be good for you.

If you decide to be friends with your former lover, follow a few rules. Things are different now that you’re friends instead of lovers. Talk with your ex about what they want the friendship to be like, and see if you can create some boundaries.

You can be friends with an ex, but make sure you don’t fall back into old habits. Put your well-being first, but be considerate of the other person too. A friendship should be good for both of you, so make the best decision for your situation.

7 Behaviors That Reveal A Child May Have Autism

July 14, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is not as mysterious as it used to be ten or twenty years ago. Now, we better understand the spectrum, and with that understanding comes empathy and support. Children on the autism spectrum see and process the world differently than children who don’t.

They may also have a more challenging time socializing and understanding social cues than other children. Without knowing what autism is or how to stop the signs, these children can often end up with unfair expectations put on them by parents, teachers, and their classmates.

As the name suggests, autism spectrum disorder exists on a spectrum of different behaviors and things that a child can or may have a more challenging time doing than most, including auditory processing, speaking verbally, and communicating. How can you know when your child might have autism?

There are some classic signs, and once you get a diagnosis, you can help your child better interact safely and comfortably.

7 Frequent Behaviors That Can Reveal a Child on the Autism Spectrum

“Autism is a severe neurodevelopmental disorder that is characterized by social withdrawal, by repetitive behaviors and by some kind of focal attention in its classic form. Basically, it’s an inability to relate to others.” – Harvey V. Fineberg

know the key signs of a sensory processing disorder.

1. A child on the autism spectrum often has difficulty responding appropriately

Children not on the autism spectrum often begin interacting with their parents and the world around them almost immediately. They respond to voices, and they track movement with their eyes. Babies that have autism, however, may have difficulty interacting and responding to interaction. If your child has autism spectrum disorder, you can consider enrolling them in a therapy center. This can help them better understand and learn how to interact with different people.

A child with autism may not respond to the sound of their parent’s voice or words and may avoid eye contact.

2. Verbal delays

Babies begin babbling before they start learning to speak. Before they hit the one-year mark, most children will begin to make noises with their mouths as a form of communication. Children with autism will tend to have delayed development when it comes to verbalizing and babbling.

If your child isn’t reaching the same milestones when it comes to babbling or even talking as the children around them, they may be considered for diagnosis with autism.

3. Difficulty socializing

As your children grow from a baby to a toddler, they may have difficulty socializing with the other kids or even socializing with their parents. Most children show an interest in interacting with other people. Children with autism will be disinterested or may find interacting with people, especially strangers, complex and overwhelming. Autism can affect how children understand socializing. It may not be that they don’t want to – they don’t know how.

Autism can affect how children understand socializing. It may not be that they don’t want to – they don’t know how.

4. Self-soothing behaviors

This behavior is called ‘stimming,’ and it’s not a bad thing and shouldn’t be discouraged as long as it is not self-destructive or harmful to the child or others. Children with autism have trouble verbalizing their feelings the way other children might be able to do. This results in self-soothing behavior. An upset child who needs to calm down may take to rocking back and forth.

A happy child may express that feeling by wagging their hands or flapping their arms. Self-soothing helps children deal with their emotions at their own pace.

5. Lack of imitation

Most children learn through imitation. Children will repeat what their parents say and make the same kind of gestures that their parents do. They’re learning critical social skills through this act of imitation. A child with autism, on the other hand, may feel disconnected from their parents or other adults and children. They often do not respond to smiling by imitating the smile or waving back when waved to.

The autism spectrum affects how they understand and see the world. However, they may not know that you expect them to wave back.

6. Children with autism might not respond to their names

Children will often recognize and respond to their name by a year old. They’ll also understand the names of other household members, such as Mama and Dada. Children with autism may struggle to identify the name with themselves more. It may be a sign to be tested for autism if they’re not responding to their name when they reach a year old.

7. Disinterest in people

Generally, babies and children will look to adults for what to do. They’re interested in the people around them and take part in interacting with them – babbling, pulling hair, grabbing jewelry, responding to sounds and voices. Children with autism show a marked decreased interest in other people. They have very little interest in interacting with people around them and often avoid eye contact and nonverbal.

12 Self-Care Tips for Caregivers of Someone On The Autism Spectrum

You cannot take care of your child until you learn how to care for your own needs.

1. Move forward

When your child is diagnosed with autism, you might feel your world stops. Perhaps you knew something was going on but never expected autism. These are normal feelings. Your life will be different. Now that you understand what’s going on don’t stay in this stop mode too long. Now is the time to move forward. Get your child involved in autism therapies and activities right away. You’ll be managing your child’s appointments and treatment programs. Research to educate yourself so you can advocate for your child. Once you move forward in all these things, you’ll build a team of people who care about your child and want them to succeed as much as you do.

2. Get help for your marriage

Research shows parents of a child with autism spectrum disorder have increased marital conflicts, resulting in a loss of marital love and higher stress levels in the union. This points to the need to get help for your marriage if you are a caregiver of a child with autism. As a couple, get together with a counselor to discuss marital conflicts you’re experiencing because of autism. Keep your marriage a priority. Schedule weekly dates for some time alone together. Talk about other things besides autism.

3. Write in a journal

Journaling gives you a way to express your feelings about life. Journaling improves both mental health and physical stamina. There’s something cathartic about writing your deepest thoughts. It is a natural outlet and helps you get perspective. Whether you use a paper journal or an online site is up to you. Find quiet time during your day, sit down, and write.

4. Trust your gut

As a parent, you know your child best. When you’re in the midst of your child’s treatments, trust your gut about what is and isn’t working. It would be best if you learned everything you can about autism treatments. Ask good questions about why your child is receiving specific treatment. Find ways to implement these same strategies at home. Trust your gut and speak up if you don’t feel like your child is getting the care they need. You are your child’s best advocate.

5. Don’t hesitate to ask for help

As a parent of a child with autism, don’t hesitate to ask for help. If the people around you offer to help you, accept their help. Perhaps they offer to take your other kids to a park, cook a meal or fold your laundry. Don’t feel guilty about getting help. Parenting a child with autism is time-consuming. Having the extra help from friends may be necessary for a few years until your child’s treatments work.

6. Find someone to talk to

Be sure to have a trusted friend to talk to. You need someone who knows how you feel and what you’re going through. They don’t need to have all the answers for you, but having them listen can be an essential source of strength for you. Perhaps you have great support from your family.

7. Train family caregivers

Perhaps a couple of your relatives are especially in tune with your autistic child. Train them on how to work with your child. Teach them about autism so they can cover for you if needed. You may want to schedule times for them to come over to play with your child. These regular times build trust for your child and help them learn about your child. Family members who understand your child and can be short-term caregivers are essential for your peace of mind.

8. Take breaks

Parenting an autistic child is exhausting emotionally and physically. Getting some time away every day would be best to refresh your mind and body. While your child is at school, take a walk or get coffee with a friend. You should never feel guilty about taking a break. Remind yourself that you will be a better parent when you get some rest.

9. Get some rest

One of your most significant needs right now could be to rest. As a parent of an autistic child, you’re always on the go, heading to doctor appointments, treatments, or other activities. At home, it’s up to you to oversee your child’s care and routine. You need to schedule your rest because your life doesn’t allow for rest periods. When your child is at school, it could be the best time for you to take a nap or read a book. These brief rest periods help recharge your mind and body.

10. Check out after-school programs

Ask your child’s teacher or your child’s autism treatment center workers about after-school programs for autistic children. Many groups provide parental respite care for those with disabilities. Some school systems provide supervised after-care programs for kids with autism. These groups are fun for kids and help them with their social skills, plus give you more time at work or home.

11. Join a support group

When you’re a parent of an autistic child, it’s helpful to talk or listen to other parents going through a similar experience. Support groups are fantastic resources for information about services or activities for kids with autism. A support group will give you the encouragement, support, and comfort you need to get through the most challenging days of parenting your child.

12. Do not neglect self-care

It’s easy to allow autism to loom so largely. You barely take time for yourself. Self-care is crucial for you to stay healthy with so many demands. Don’t forget to schedule regular check-ups with your dentist or family doctor. Have a weekly spa treatment, get a massage to reduce stress, or have a weekly lunch appointment with friends. As a parent of a child with autism, you need to stay focused on your physical and mental health.

Final Thoughts on Raising a Child on the Autism Spectrum

If you suspect your child has autism, reading up and learning everything you can is best. Your child is just as intelligent and capable as any of the other kids – they need a little more help figuring out how to navigate the world around them! Getting them tested is a good plan, just in case any of the symptoms of autism could also be caused by something else.

Children with autism don’t always present the same way. Autism may present with more behaviors than others. Eith r way, your child looks to you for love, guidance, and support.

7 Signs of A UTI (And How to Prevent It)

July 14, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Urinary tract infection (UTI) occurs when germs penetrate the urinary system – bladder, kidneys, urethra, and ureters. Bladder infections, including UTI, are quite common and are treatable. Without medical intervention, the infection may spread to the kidneys and further compromise health.

Women have about a 50 percent chance of developing UTI at some point in their life – a significantly higher percentage than men. Treatment of UTI commonly involves prescription or over-the-counter (OTC) antibiotics. However, steps can be taken to reduce your chances of getting UTI, which we will discuss later on.

First, we’re going to talk about the most common symptoms of UTI.

The seven most common symptoms of UTI are:

– Burning sensation while urinating

– A persistent, strong urge to urinate

– Urine that is red, bright-pink or dark

– Frequently passing small amounts of urine

– Urine that smells pungent

– Urine that appears opaque, cloudy

– (In women) pelvic pain, particularly in the center pelvic area around the pubic bone

Types of UTI

Now that you have the 7 most common symptoms of UTI, we’re going to break the illness down by type. The reason is simple, in that each type’s symptoms and treatments can vary widely.

1. Kidney infection (acute pyelonephritis)

Acute pyelonephritis (pie-lone-eh-fry-tis) is a kidney infection both sudden and severe in nature. The infection causes the kidneys to swell, which carries the risk of permanent damage. Pregnant women have a higher risk of developing the condition, which may be life-threatening.

Less common is chronic (long-term) pyelonephritis, which causes “repeated or persistent attacks.” The chronic form of pyelonephritis is more common in children, or those with a history of urinary tract problems.

In addition to the seven common symptoms of UTI listed above, pyelonephritis may cause:

– a fever at or above 102° F (about 39° C)

– pus or blood in the urine

– a fishy smell when urinating

2. Bladder infection (cystitis)

Cystitis is considered a more common form of UTI, especially in women. This condition is less severe than a kidney infection, but still requires medical intervention if symptoms should persist.

Cystitis typically encompasses the seven common symptoms of UTI, but also may include:

– a fever at or above 100.4°F (38°C)

– flu-like symptoms (aches, fatigue, malaise)

Medical intervention is necessary if:

– you’re unsure whether you have cystitis

– worsening or non-improvement of symptoms

– severe symptoms arise (blood in urine, fever, or flanking pains)

– you’re pregnant and have similar symptoms

– your child has like symptoms

Treatment generally involves antibiotics, which begin to have a noticeable effect after one or two days. OTC medications include ibuprofen or paracetamol, and may negate the need to see a medical professional if ineffective. All at-risk demographics mentioned above should see a physician.

3. Urethra infection (urethritis)

Urethritis (yur-eth-rye-tis) is the inflammation of the tube that carries urine from the bladder to outside of the body. The predominant symptom of urethritis is pain during urination.

Urethritis differs from the preceding two UTI conditions in that it is caused by bacteria which penetrates the skin. Additionally, urethritis can be acquired through sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). The herpes simplex virus (HSV-1 and HSV-2), gonorrhea, and chlamydia are three STDs that may cause urethritis.

Symptoms of urethritis, some of which are gender-specific, include:

– discharge from urethra opening or vagina

– blood in semen or urine (men)

– pain during intercourse

– the urgent need to urinate

– difficulty starting urination

Treatment of urethritis depends on the way in which the condition was acquired. Bacteria-induced urethritis is generally treated through prescription drugs (no OTCs.) Treatment of STD-induced urethritis involves special types of antibiotics and occasional checkups (usually every three months) to ensure the condition has been eliminated.

Preventing Urethritis

“Prevention is the best cure,” and UTI infections are certainly no different. Per the Mayo Clinic, the following precautions sharply reduce the risk of developing UTI:

– Drink plenty of water.

Water dilutes the urine and encourages frequent urination. This allows bacteria exit from the urinary tract before any infection takes over.

– Wipe from front to back (women).

Wiping from front to back after using the toilet helps prevent bacteria around the anal cavity from entering the urethra or vagina.

– Empty the bladder soon after intercourse.

This flushes any acquired bacteria. Drink a glass of water to help with urination, if necessary.

– Avoid potentially irritating feminine products.

Certain feminine products, such as deodorant sprays or douches, can irritate the urethral area.

– Change your birth control method.

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Diaphragms, or unlubricated or spermicide-treated condoms, can all contribute to bacterial growth.”

10 Signs You’re In An Unhealthy Relationship

July 14, 2017 by Power of Positivity

An unhealthy relationship can be easy to spot from the outside, but more difficult to recognize when you’re in the middle of one. You may have friends or family coming to you with concerns, but you’re able to easily justify or sweep away trouble behaviors.

“You can put all your effort in trying to make someone happy… but there comes a time when we become tired of trying to fill a bucket that is leaking from the inside.” – Steve Maraboli

Unhealthy relationships don’t always have to involve physical or emotional abuse – though both are immediate red flags that the relationship is unhealthy. Being able to pinpoint the ways your relationship is unhealthy will be able to allow you to take steps to change it, or give you a sign that it’s time to leave.

10 SIGNS YOU’RE IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

1. CONSTANT CRITICISM

Unhealthy relationships involve one or both partners being endlessly criticized by the other. This criticism doesn’t have to be fair or just, either. Sometimes, it’s simply a way for one partner to control the other. This may happen in front of other people, as a way to show their power. Be honest with yourself and whether or not your partner is criticizing you fairly or whether they’re doing it to gain emotional control of you. Being able to stop this sign can give you the knowledge to get out of the unhealthy relationship.

2. POOR COMMUNICATION

Communication is the backbone of all healthy relationships. Being able to discuss your feelings and communicate with your partner is one of the best ways to make a relationship work. Unfortunately, a relationship becomes unhealthy when the communication is lacking, or only one partner is putting in any effort. Ask yourself honestly if you feel comfortable expressing your emotions to your partner, and if the answer is no, you may want to figure out why. Counseling can help give a safe space for both of you to work on your communication issues.

3. PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

Everyone has known someone who is passive aggressive. When your partner begins to display this type of behavior, it is a show of manipulation and an attempt to control what you do by giving you a choice between either doing what you’re told or facing a cold shoulder. Passive-aggressive behavior can also manifest in purposely failing to do something that was asked of them, or purposeful procrastination in anything from cleaning the fridge to displaying and withholding affection.

4. CODEPENDENCY

When you’re unable to separate yourself from your partner, this is a sign of codependency. Codependent behavior enables negative traits in one another, such as the support of addictive behaviors, irresponsibility or mental illness. Being codependent is not the same as having a support system. Codependency is a way for one party to control the other by making them dependent on their validation. The best way to break free of codependent behavior is to have a support system outside of your relationship, whether that’s friends, family or a counselor.

5. VERBAL ABUSE

Verbal abuse is a type of emotional abuse that stems from one partner trying to manipulate and control the other through shame, degradation and manipulation. A verbally abusive partner indicates that your relationship has turned unhealthy, and you should leave. Confide in friends, family and counselors who can help you take the steps you need to end the relationship. Verbal abuse is not something anyone should have to endure to feel worthwhile, and will only eventually make the relationship unsustainable.

6. PHYSICAL ABUSE

When your partner becomes physically abusive, there’s nothing left in the relationship for it to grow. A healthy relationship is not possible when one partner uses threats of violence, or actual violence, to control and manipulate their partner. Physical abuse can be anything from smacking, hitting, slapping, kicking, punching, shoving, or even forced sex. Physical abuse can start slow, but even if the first sign was just a rough shove, you don’t deserve it. Make a plan with your support network to get out as soon as you can. One-time incidents are rare, and are usually a precursor towards the abuse getting worse.

7. DISHONESTY

Being honest and open with one another is a major component of healthy relationships. If you don’t feel safe sharing with your partner, your relationship is going to suffer. And if your partner is keeping things from you, then the relationship won’t work, either. It’s so easy to lose trust when your partner finds out that you’ve been keeping things from them, even things you don’t think matter. If you don’t feel safe sharing things with your partner, it may be a sign that your relationship isn’t going to work in the long run.

8. SEXUALLY FOCUSED

Sometimes, relationships can be casual and sex can be fun. However, if you have a long-term relationship that you’re putting emotional effort into, and find that your partner is only putting in the physical intimacy, the relationship becomes unbalanced and unhealthy. Lasting relationships need both emotional and physical intimacy. Sometimes, it’s better to forgo the fun of sex to seek out a relationship that will be longer-lasting and emotionally satisfying.

9. THREATENING TO LEAVE

When one partner threatens to leave as a means of controlling the other, the relationship is no longer balanced. Without a balanced relationship, it becomes immediately unhealthy. You will not be able to feel secure in the relationship if you’re constantly walking on eggshells worrying if something that you do will cause them to threaten to leave you. The best thing to do is to take the matter into your own hands, and end it as quickly and safely as you can.

10. TRYING TO CHANGE YOU

Your relationship won’t go anywhere if your partner doesn’t like you exactly the way you are. Using threats, passive aggressive behavior and manipulation to try and change you means that your partner sees you as something they can control. Relationships thrive on love and acceptance, not on one partner being a project to be fixed up and remedied. You deserve someone who will accept you exactly the way you are.

If you see any of these signs in your relationship, it may be time to evaluate what you want out of a partnership and whether or not you see that happening. Ending relationships can be tough, especially unhealthy ones. However, if you have a support system in place and are able to do so, ending a relationship that’s unhealthy is better for you and your partner in the long run, so that you can both get the help you need to move forward.

10 Signs of Relationship Addiction

July 14, 2017 by Power of Positivity

What is relationship addiction?

To answer this question, let’s first define addiction. Per the American Society of Addiction Medicine:

“Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, social and spiritual manifestations. (As a result) an individual pathologically (pursues rewards and/or relief) by substance use and other behaviors.”

Relationship addiction is the very real cycle of personal and intimate attraction, bonding, rejection, panic, reconciliation and rejection. Let’s take a look at a real-life example of relationship addiction:

“I can’t stop myself from going back to him,” Sherry – a 40-year-old woman and mother of a 12-year old, says, “even though all I get is rejection and put downs. He reels me in with false promises that he’ll be there for me if I just shape up. (He) criticizes me and I start to feel worthless and want to pull away. (But then) I start to panic and frantically (phone or text) him. It’s almost like he’s my life line and I have to prove myself to him. But it’s a life line to hell. I feel like I’m possessed.”

Fear of Abandonment and Relationship Addiction Go Together

What Sherry is describing is a premature form of abandonment anxiety. Notice that she begins to “feel worthless” and wants to “pull away” but can’t bring herself to do so – this is a textbook state of addiction. She experiences intense feelings of reward during the initial phases of exposure; a dysfunctional mechanism causes her to fear separation from the stimuli (the man), and she repeats the devastating cycle despite the negative consequences.

Relationship addiction is an incredibly unfortunate and sad situation. Anyone who has even gone through what Sherry has can probably relate to her sense of confusion, desperation, and fear.

In this article, we discuss ten potential signs of relationship addiction – and also some professional advice for overcoming it.

1. Look inside yourself to acknowledge a relationship addiction

Knowing the relationship is not good for you, but making no effort to end things. You’re capable of knowing that things are not right; yet, it’s you can’t bring yourself to end things for whatever reason.

2. Understand why you stay

Attempting but failing, to come up with a rational reason for staying in the relationship. This is quite often because there is no logical reason to stay – and your anxiety and fear of being alone take center stage.

3. Acknowledgment

Refusing to acknowledge or ignoring any thoughts that the relationship is risky. This is a phase when the precariousness of the relationship is brought to the forefront of your attention, and you refuse to engage in any interpersonal examination.

4. Relationship addiction brings anxiety

Feeling over-anxious and over-stressed when thoughts of ending the relationships arise (see “abandonment anxiety” in the introductory section.)

5. Own it

You’re in denial about any adverse effects the relationship is having; this may include any emotional, psychological and/or physical abuse. This is dangerous territory, particularly when you’re being abused and/or mistreated.

6. Don’t mistake sex for love

Misinterpreting sex for genuine, lasting romance. Following the act, further repression of painful emotions and thoughts is common. Of course, your partner never changes after their immediate needs are met.

7. Stop making excuses

Accepting your partner’s criticism as “normal” behavior. Make no mistake; this behavior is anything but normal – it’s a chronic, sick, mind game is almost always to keep you under their control.

8. End the relationship addiction

When you try to end the relationship, you quickly feel a sense of withdrawal – including physical discomfort and tension. Psychological symptoms, including depression and anxiety, often accompany the physical signs.

9. Listen to those who love you

Ignoring – or attempting to ignore – advice or concerns from your family and friends about the relationship. Disregarding pleas from family and friends risks isolating yourself further – and at a time when you may need their support the most.

10. Stay away once you break things off

Desperately trying to reestablish contact immediately after the other person ends things. In most cases, the other person will terminate the relationship before you do. This is when rationality goes AWOL, and one kicks into desperation mode.

There is Hope for Recovering from Relationship Addiction

Per the Counseling Center at The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (UIUC), “it is often very hard to end an (addictive relationship) even when you know it is bad for you.”

UIUC counselors distinguish between a “bad relationship” and what often unfolds during stages of relationship addiction:

(a) A “bad” relationship is “not the kind that (goes through) the usual periods of disagreement and disenchantment that are inevitable when two separate people come together.”

(b) A genuinely bad relationship, as in one where a person is at the mercy of another, involves constant frustration and, yet, the victim is remains attached.

(c) The attachment felt by the victim is often the result of being attracted to someone “who is ‘unattainable’ in the sense that he or she is committed to someone else, doesn’t want a committed relationship, or is incapable of one.”

Expert Advice for Recovery From Relationship Addiction

Ann Smith, a renowned relationship therapist of over 30 years, provides six different steps one can take to break the pattern of relationship addiction:

#1 Begin to observe your own behavior. This requires taking an honest look at all past and current relationships, taking a personal inventory of your shortcomings and dysfunctions, and refraining from romantic behavior for at least six months.

#2 Notice any commonalities in your relationship experiences with those of your childhood (abuse, fear of abandonment, neglect, etc.) Should there be a link between your relationships and childhood experiences, this may require the help of a therapist.

#3 If you’re in a non-abusive relationship, abstain from making any significant decisions or requests until you’ve settled things. If you’re not in any romantic relationship – or in an abusive relationship – please consider getting some help. (The latter requires the intervention of authorities and the legal system.)

#4 Most importantly, Smith says: “Ask yourself how life would be if you took responsibility for your own happiness, successes and failures and loved yourself the way you want to be loved.”

Researchers Reveal The Best Sleep Positions For Chronic Pain

July 14, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Chronic pain is a Catch-22.

You have this aching chronic pain that needs rest to recover and a body that can’t sleep because of the pain. Having to deal with chronic pain can be a burden, especially when shut eye time arrives.

Knowing body positions which are, if not comfortable, at least compatible with persistent aches and pains, is both a mental and physical relief. In the case of chronic pain sufferers, this basic knowledge can change a person’s life.

Dr. Rich Bakir, a chiropractor at Las Vegas Recovery Center, says it perfectly, “Sleep is when you heal. You need to give your body adequate time to heal itself, and if you’re never sleeping, this can worsen your symptoms. The less sleep you get, the more pain you feel.”

With this in mind, we’re going to discuss some of the best sleep positions for chronic pain.

The Most Harmful Sleep Position for Chronic Pain

But not before we discuss the sleeping pose.

The stomach.

Sorry to break the bad news to stomach sleepers. Fortunately, this group is a rare one, making up less than 7 percent of the population.

Sleeping on your belly is a bad position for two main reasons:

(1) Sleeping face-downwards puts pressure on the stomach which, in turn, places pressure on the curvature of the spine and lower back. Not only does this position worsen chronic pain, but it can also be a stimulus to pain.

(2) Stomach sleeping places the head in an unnatural position: at a 90-degree angle. When in this position, one risks instigating chronic (and acute) pain by putting too much unnecessary strain on the neck and upper spine areas.

A rather unconventional way of breaking this habit is to sleep with a tennis ball in a sleeping shirt. If you should roll over on your stomach, the uncomfortable feeling of a tennis ball pressing into your stomach will cause you to switch positions naturally.

The Best Sleep Positions For Chronic Pain

Naturally, the best sleeping position is one that creates the greatest amount of comfort and encourages restful sleep. With that in mind, here are the five best sleeping positions (and alternatives, when applicable) for five common pain-afflicted areas of the body.

1. Neck Pain: Back or Side & pillow between knees

There are two good sleeping positions for neck pain: on your back or on your side, whichever is more comfortable.

To help ensure proper recovery, Harvard School of Public Health makes some recommendations for both. For back-sleepers, it is necessary to support the natural curvature of the neck by using a rounded pillow, and “a flatter pillow cushioning your head.”

Back and neck-sleepers may also benefit from using different pillow types. A “memory foam” pillow naturally forms to the shape of your head and neck. A feather pillow also allows you to “shape” the cushion a bit more than a traditional pillow.

Side-sleepers: it is advisable to position your pillow at an angle where the neck rests higher than the head. This helps keep your spine straight.

2. Shoulder pain: Back (ideal) or Side

The solution for shoulder pain is quite simple: don’t sleep on the shoulder that hurts. (You’re welcome.)

Joking aside, sleeping on your back is considered ideal – if it’s comfortable for you. If not, sleeping on the side opposite of your pained shoulder is fine, too.

3. Lower back pain: Back & pillow under knees

“Huh? I reduce my back pain by sleeping on … my back?”

The proposition doesn’t seem logical, but hear us out. Lying on your back while using a pillow for support is, far and away, the best way to expedite the recovery process and (hopefully) get a good night’s rest.

“Lie flat on your back and place a pillow under your knees,” Dr. Bakir explains. This position supports the spine and “allows the hamstring muscles to relax.”

If sleeping on your back is intolerable, don’t fear: “If you can’t sleep on your back, sleep on your side. And place a pillow between your knees,” says Bakir.

4. Hip pain: Side & firm pillow between knees

For dreaded hip pain, side-sleeping is an accommodating position for better rest.

Sleeping on your side with a firm pillow between your knees allocates your weight evenly through your body. This helps to keep the pressure off of the hip joints and pelvis.

(Acute hip pain is often caused by inflammation. In this case, a NSAID such as Aleve [generic: naproxen] or Advil [generic: ibuprofen] may help.)

5. Headaches or jaw pain: Back & arms at side

Jaw pain and/or headaches are among the most frustrating types of pain, particularly when one is attempting to sleep.

Lying on your back with both arms at your side helps keep the body naturally aligned. This position also supports the head, neck, and shoulders, which may help reduce some of the tension-related symptoms. Tension headaches are the most common, which makes this position ideal.

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