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5 Signs That Reveal If Your Loved Ones Value You

June 4, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever wanted to have a way to tell if the people you love think the same about you? Do you have a hard time understanding your value and need to know if others value you? Would you like to know how to act if you find out someone doesn’t appreciate you?

Relationships with loved ones are full of beautiful moments, but they can also be exhausting. Sometimes people don’t know how to reach out and ask if friends and family value them. They are stuck wondering without getting a straight answer. It can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity that eat at you for a long time. If you have trouble knowing whether or not you are valued, it’s best to know some signs.

Five Signs That Your Loved Ones Value You

Look for these signs that indicate someone treasures your heart.

1. Loved Ones Who Treasure You Will Listen to You

Communication is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. Whether that relationship is with family, a friend, or romantic, listening and being listened to are very important.

When someone listens to you, they show you that they value what you have to say. They want to know your opinion or what you are dealing with so that they can help you. And there is a big difference between listening just because you have to and actively listening. Someone who doesn’t value you will pretend to listen or nod from time to time, and that’s about it. They will brush you off and make the conversation all about them.

But someone who genuinely cares will give you their undivided attention when you want to talk. They will ask questions, give you their advice if you ask for it, and remember what you said in case it will be relevant later.

If you need to vent, they will let you. If you need help, they will try to guide you. While they won’t remember every detail of what you discussed, they will know about the things that matter to you the most. Sure, they might forget some one-off comment, but they will remember what your opinions, likes, and dislikes are.

Not only do they know how to listen, but they can adequately communicate with you. You can be sure you have a strong bond if you don’t feel weird telling them about something they do that bothers you. They can talk about whatever, without things ever getting awkward. They listen to your side, and only when you’re done do they share their opinion. They’re capable of making compromises if needed.

2. They Make You Feel Safe

Everyone knows that you can only have a healthy relationship if the people in the relationship make each other feel safe.

People generally know that someone who values you won’t be physically aggressive towards you. When someone gets so mad that they hit you or ruin your stuff, sometimes even this side is overlooked. Some people were raised in an environment where parents hitting their kids is normalized.

Others have had to deal with other types of domestic abuse. If you have been through trauma like this, know that someone physically aggressive towards you doesn’t value you. The same can be said about people that destroy your belongings. And if you’re in a delicate situation, let a friend know or contact authorities.

But the part that is even more normalized is the psychological abuse. Maybe a loved one is trying to pressure you into doing something. They might gaslight you, make you think you did things that you didn’t do. And there are other forms of psychological abuse. Whatever someone does that makes you feel unsafe, that’s an unjust attitude towards you.

The people who genuinely value you will make you feel safe. They won’t try to control your life, make decisions for you, or cut you off from social support. You can get to express your opinions and desires freely. For example, if you want to go out without them, they won’t make a scene over it. You can trust each other and count on each other to be there when needed.

3. Loved Ones Accept You Instead Of Trying To Change You

Most people have mixed opinions about what acceptance means. For some, it means leaving someone to their own devices without any interference. To others, it means guidance and advice. Some people don’t understand the concept and try to change the people around them.

The best way to describe acceptance is by acknowledging that someone is the way they are at a particular moment. It doesn’t mean you support them no matter what they do. And you can certainly wish to help them change certain things. So, if that’s not how your loved ones act towards you, it means they don’t value you as well as they should.

When a person accepts you, they will offer you guidance and constructive criticism. They aim to help you become a better version of yourself. They won’t try to control you or pressure you into acting in specific ways. You won’t have to deal with injunctions like “if you don’t change, I’m going to leave you.”

An accepting person will recognize that you are your person, and you have the right to do whatever you want to. They will support you when you want to pursue the best path for yourself. Of course, they won’t help you in doing things that could destroy your life. But if you want to move towns in pursuit of your dream career, they will back you. If you are working towards a promotion, they will help you. And if they see you going astray, they will try to get you back on the right path.

If you feel that your friends and family have this attitude towards you, you can be sure they value you.

4. They Pay Attention To The Details

This might not seem vital for a relationship, but paying attention to the details shows that people care about who you are.

The more details someone knows about you, the more they think about you. And someone who thinks about you respects you. It shows that not only do they listen when you talk, but they go a step further. They make a conscious effort to remember the little things. If you ever go to a coffee shop with someone, and they know how to place your favorite order, that’s a sign they value you.

They make an effort to ask about you. They want to know what you like and dislike so that they can use that information in the future. If they know you don’t like a particular food, they won’t make it at a gathering. They check up on you often to see if you’re alright or if you need something.

If you have a friend or relative who doesn’t do these things, that signifies they don’t value you. If you are vegan, but at a family dinner, they do not offer vegan-friendly alternatives, which shows they ignore your needs.

5. Your Loved Ones Keep Their Promises

Someone who values and respects you will make an effort to keep their promises no matter what. If your loved ones always show up when you need them to, you know they care deeply.

People tend to be selfish in life, and that’s understandable. But if they become selfish in relationships, that can become a problem. But you need to understand that people don’t need to make promises if they can’t keep them. If they make them and back out on them once, that’s excusable. But if that happens repeatedly, it shows a blatant disregard towards you.

A person who values you will try their best to make promises only when they know they can keep them. They don’t offer lame excuses to back out of a commitment. If you need their help, they will be there for you. This shows that they reciprocate the effort you put into the relationship.

People who care will give just as much as they get. They match their words with actions. They won’t just give the illusion that they are there for you. Indeed, they will proactively do things. If they promise they’ll show up to an important event, they’ll be there. They won’t make up excuses last minute to get off the hook.

What To Do If Loved Ones Don’t Value You

Two reasons explain why certain people don’t value you. Either you do things that force them to lose respect, or they don’t care about you.

If you’re in the first scenario, where your actions have forced their hand, you need to make an effort to fix the situation. You need to understand what the problem is, what you have done to hurt them. Maybe you don’t offer them the support they need. Perhaps you are a terrible influence. Whatever it might be, you need to find the root cause. One way to do that is to have a conversation with them and take constructive criticisms. Make concessions when needed.

If you’re in the second scenario, that gets a bit more complicated. Therapist Jenny Walkers say that if you feel you need to walk on eggshells around someone, they don’t value you as they should. These people don’t make you feel seen or heard, to the point where they might interrupt you often or ignore you. They don’t value mutuality, don’t show up when you need them to, and they might be abusive. If that’s the case, you need to distance yourself from that person. Let them go if they don’t deserve you. Don’t justify their behaviors, don’t overcompensate, and don’t stay for the wrong reasons.

Final Thoughts On How To Find Out if Your Loved Ones Value You (And What To Do If They Don’t)

It’s important to be valued in every relationship you have. It would help if you felt that others care and respect you. The main sign that indicates people value you is if they put real effort into the relationship. If they listen, communicate, make you feel safe, and keep their promises, that shows you they are genuine.

If you know someone who criticizes you, that indicates they don’t value you the way they should. Those people don’t deserve you, and your best bet is to distance yourself from them as soon as possible.

5 Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

June 4, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever considered that what’s holding you back from being confident are excuses? That your brain is the one keeping you back? What can you do to get over the fears and nurture your confidence?

It can be hard to be confident when it feels like everyone is judging you at all times. Or when it feels like, no matter what you do, it’s not enough. But all these feelings that stop you from believing in yourself are excuses more than anything else. Is there a way in which you can stop making excuses and start feeling confident?

What Is Self-Confidence?

Self-confidence is the way someone relates to their skills and abilities. It involves acceptance of your true sense while having a sense of control over your life. You have to trust yourself and know your strengths and weaknesses. Self-confident people set realistic standards for themselves, communicate effectively, and can handle criticism well.

People who are trying to build confidence know that they need to take everything step-by-step. Their accomplishments need to be long-lasting. Any new skill you learn, or any setback you overcome, will make you trust yourself a little more. It’s very easy to lose your confidence and a titanic effort to get it back.

Confidence can give people the coping methods to handle failure. Not only that, but it can make you less self-centered. This might seem counterintuitive, but the less you worry about how others see you, the more time you have to be selfless. When you get out of your head, you can engage and socialize genuinely.

5 Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

Self-confidence is an important quality that can motivate people in any circumstance of their life. Every person wants to become more confident. But what someone wants consciously doesn’t always coincide with what their subconscious does. Sometimes, your brain might put up barriers between you and your goals. And, sometimes people use these barriers as excuses. How can someone stop making these excuses and focusing on self-growth?

1. Feeling Unworthy

Feeling unworthy itself is not an excuse but a real issue that people struggle with. But wallowing in it might become an excuse. When people do this to get attention, that’s when it stands in the way of personal development.

When people feel down, they reject their value. It can be too hard for them to grasp that, no matter what others say, they are enough. Society puts too much pressure on people to be and act in specific ways. And when they don’t, they have to endure consequences. This can induce fear, and it can make people wary of trying new things.

Whenever people feel unworthy, they start to doubt their intelligence and strength. You think there’s no way it’s alright to be different. If you can’t do something, you think it’s definitely because you’re not smart enough or good enough. You start counting failures and measuring mistakes. Maybe the first failure is somewhat acceptable. Let’s say the second one is too. But the more you fail, the more you beat yourself down. And if those feelings are left unattended, you might start wallowing in self-pity.

When you don’t trust yourself enough, you might get comfort from other people complimenting you. The more you express that you feel unworthy, the more you can gather pity from others. When people pity you, they cut you some slack.

They act kinder, and they lend you a hand when needed; they compliment you. This emotional comfort can make you use the fact that you feel unworthy as an excuse. If you tell yourself that you are hurting too much to have the energy to work on yourself. You use this excuse repeatedly until it gets too hard to embark on the path of self-growth.

If you start noticing signs that you beat yourself down over every little mistake, be aware that you might be developing unhealthy habits. Don’t allow yourself to start being too harsh on yourself, and don’t give up on feeling confident.

2. Worrying About What Other People Think Can Hinder Feeling Confident

Social standards are harsh on everyone, no matter how “perfect” you might be. But they’re tough on the people who struggle with feeling confident. Having to live by some standards imposed by others makes you obsess about what they think. And the more you worry over that, the harder it will be to manage.

When you constantly worry about how you appear to others, you can risk tying your value to social expectations rather than your happiness. Instead of focusing on being content with who you are, you focus on how others might perceive you. This mindset doesn’t allow for growth, as whatever you change about you will be forced. You won’t change because you want to or understand you should, but because you want to uphold a specific image.

As you try to be as society expects you to be, you will force yourself to be conventional. On the way, you’ll forget that there’s nothing wrong with being unconventional. If you suppress who you are, you might become someone you’re not. At that point, your self-esteem will plummet as everything “good” about you is fake.

The burden of upholding a fake persona is a lot to handle. You might start using the fact that you always worry about your image as an excuse to refuse to work on self-growth. You might be content with superficially working on yourself, and that will distract you from digging deeper.

When you let go of social expectations and start to value your own needs and wants, you can start working on deeper issues. That can result in you becoming more confident.

3. Self-Defeating Assumptions

Too often, people make assumptions about things before even trying them. Without knowing if you have the necessary skills or not, you assume the worst. That makes people give up before they even start.

Self-defeating assumptions can look like “I can’t do this; I can’t do that.” It is a confidence destroyer, as it disallows you from focusing on specific goals. Even the most skilled people might get rattled by a misstep and lose all trust in themselves. Once an athlete gets injured, they might never psychologically recover, even if they heal physically. This might look like talented people giving up their dreams because they start believing they aren’t fit for the job.

Assumptions might make you afraid to dedicate yourself to a goal, as you believe the only possible outcome is a failure. Alternatively, you might set goals that are too big or too distant just because you know you can put those off. Some people risk claiming victory too soon, as they are afraid to keep pursuing a goal.

Some people assume that if they try something, they will fail or they will suffer grave consequences. A woman might not go for a management position in a big company because she is afraid she won’t be accepted by a board filled with men.

There are many examples where self-defeating assumptions can ruin your self-esteem. But this fear it makes you feel will be your excuse to stop trying altogether. If you notice that you are keeping yourself from pursuing your dreams, try to stop this before it goes too far.

4. You Compare Yourself To Others, You May Lack Feeling Confident

While it’s good to have role models, it’s not so good to compare yourself to others. It would help if you didn’t focus on the fact that someone is better than you in a particular area, but on how you can become better yourself. You should aspire to do more and look up to others for motivation, not beat yourself up because you aren’t there yet. Unfortunately, people who constantly compare themselves to others employ the latter strategy.

Two things can happen when you obsess with comparisons: you become envious of others’ successes or lose trust in yourself. While it is good to be self-critical and push yourself, you will never be able to do things exactly like someone else. And it would help if you didn’t want to. If you’re an artist, and you can’t recreate a technique, that shouldn’t be an issue. It would be best to focus on what you can do best instead of forcing yourself to be something you’re not.

The comparison makes you shift your attention from your growth. Instead of focusing on how to harness your strengths, you’ll be busy watching others and worrying about how they see you. Not only is it a distraction, but it’s terrible for your self-esteem. You won’t be able to feel confident if you see someone doing something better than you. Don’t always try to be better than others. Instead, be better than you were yesterday.

5. You Depend On Reassurance

One of the most significant ways people create the illusion that everything is alright is by seeking constant reassurance. Instead of working on their flaws, they depend on others to tell them they’re perfect just the way they are. While it’s essential to have people who support you around you, you shouldn’t want them to sugarcoat what they say.

A big part of having confidence is going through hard times, even if you’re alone. Reassurance in doses can do wonders for people who feel a little lost. But when you start depending on it, it creates a façade of safety. You don’t face your flaws and fears because you keep yourself shielded.

Reassurance is a thing that can help you feel better for a short period. But in the long run, confidence and self-trust will get you through tough times. Try to let go of the need to have someone pushing you from behind. Instead, work on being able to stand on your own.

Final Thoughts On Psychological Excuses That Prevent You From Feeling Confident

It’s hard to feel confident every second of every day. Some days might be better. Conversely, some might be worse when it comes to how much faith you have in yourself. Confidence is an ongoing journey; you should never stop working on growth and happiness.

On your journey, you must be aware of many obstacles. And you are going to find many excuses to give up. As long as you are aware of those excuses, you can try to avoid them and keep working on feeling confident.

5 False Beliefs About Marriage

June 4, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

False beliefs about marriage permeate relationships across the globe. It’s no surprise with how much it’s romanticized and falsely presented in pop culture and fiction! There’s a huge tendency for people to mismanage marital issues based on those false beliefs. This situation creates more significant problems in the most common forms of conflict and setbacks.

Healthy marriages come in many forms and intricacies, but some facts are virtually universal. Unfortunately, these facts are the same that numerous inaccuracies have drowned out! If you fall for them, it could spell doom for your marriage. Here are five false beliefs about marriage, never to believe.

False Belief #1 – Reciprocity and Quid-Pro-Quo Are The Way To Go

Equality is a good concept to have in a marriage. But they often get taken too far due to false beliefs about reciprocity. Some people believe in strictly written contracts to follow, and many celebrities have talked about theirs. For others, there’s a general idea that some form of agreement about the division of relationship duties is necessary. That may be a verbal “contract” or something even less set in stone.

Of course, each spouse must do their fair share in their shared home and overall relationship. And of course, you should be giving each other affection and doing nice things for each other! But being too calculated about this “fairness” can lead to a marriage’s downfall.

This is because:

The desire to split something 50/50 is not possible. There will always be inaccuracies and inconsistencies, which breed resentment and contempt.
Keeping track of a contract causes couples to become calculated, even “keeping score” against each other. This goes to worse places than the simple healthy competition and becomes a passive-aggressive battle.
Contracts don’t involve compromise. Instead, they rely on hard and fast rules. In something as fluid and central as a marriage, that’s not an excellent structure. Things change, circumstances evolve, and the solution isn’t always divvying up but finding a different path altogether.
Quid-pro-quo in relationships can lead to arguments over whose turn it is. A perceived lack of equality can cause all agreements to go out the window.
Research shows that marriages that focus on reciprocity are ultimately less successful.

False Belief #2 – A Spouse Should Always Know What To Do To Make The Other Feel Better

One of the false beliefs prevalent in marriages is that spouses should “just know” the right thing to say or do. While some partners manage to achieve this difficult feat, most won’t – and that’s normal! No one is perfect, and couples can’t read the minds of each other.

Some partners believe that if they need to ask for affection or support, that support is inherently meaningless. This is a toxic and highly harmful thing to insist on. Communication is essential, and this concept goes against that at its core.

It’s true that, over time, you’ll get better at responding in the way your spouse needs. But that’s not a necessary part of any healthy or happy marriage. Above all else, partners need to be willing to talk about their feelings, needs and wants. And, conversely, partners should also be willing to do what they can to help as asked, with compromises always possible.

False Belief #3 – Marital Therapy Is Only For Broken Marriages

People often see the act of utilizing marital therapy as a sure sign that a marriage is crumbling. Marriage counseling is so stigmatized! There are ongoing false beliefs that if you’re seeking help, everything’s as good as over, and divorce is sure to come. It’s even worse if you try to seek therapy early on in a relationship! People will tell you that you’re not meant to be.

But the truth is that there’s nothing wrong with seeking therapy, even when your relationship is pretty healthy. Regularly going to counseling together can even prevent divorce. Studies have shown that, on average, most couples will wait six years before seeking professional help for marital issues. They don’t realize that things are that serious until it’s too late.

Even with no significant marital problems, you can benefit tremendously from marriage therapy. The entire point of treatment of any kind is to give you the tools you need to manage future issues positively. This means that marital therapy in a happy relationship can:

· Improve Communication

They say that communication is the key to any good relationship, and it’s true! Couples therapy can help partners sort out miscommunications and learn tools to avoid or handle them in the future. Encouraging both parties to open up can also end a dangerous lack of communication. The tools you can learn for healthy discussion will ensure a long-lasting, happy marriage. You’ll be able to resolve conflict better, both in and out of therapy.

· Help Each Other See Perspective

It’s natural to see things from your perspective first and foremost. Though you try to put yourself into the shoes of others, even the most empathic people need a little help in seeing other views! Marital therapy lets you and your spouse hear each other’s perspectives on different issues and experiences. Both parties may feel more comfortable expressing themselves in an unbiased and welcoming setting. Your counselor will also teach you tools that will allow you to see each other’s viewpoints without therapy.

· Help You Set Goals Together

All marriages need a few goals and priorities set. You can do them yourself, but any ideas you shouldn’t get help with are false beliefs. Doing these goals with professional assistance can bring tons of benefits. You’ll be able to be completely honest and host productive discussions in a safe environment. Your therapist can also offer guidance based on their knowledge and professional experience to help you set better goals. Continued counseling can ensure both stay on track for those priorities and dreams.

False Belief #4 – You Must Have Shared Interests For A Happy Marriage

If you’ve ever used a dating service, you’ll know that filling out your interests is pretty standard in finding a suitable partner. People often want to date people with whom they can share things, which is not necessarily bad. But is it crucial? Absolutely not!

The belief that you must like the same things is one of the most prevalent marital false beliefs. In fact, the Pew Research Center found that 64% of people believe that shared interests are crucial for their marriages. This ranked higher than the importance of shared political views and a satisfying intimate life!

There seems to be a belief that those who don’t share interests will have a wedge driven between them. The truth is that any activity can do that, and so can any difference in opinion or preference. A strong marriage between two individuals who love each other won’t allow such a wedge to be hammered in!

It doesn’t matter if you have a lot of shared interests, a few, or none at all. What matters is that you both:

Please respect each other’s interests and don’t belittle or make fun of them.
Are happy to listen to your spouse speak about their interests.
Make time for quality time together, even if it can’t involve your respective interests.
Seek to necessarily “change” the interests of the other beyond simple introductory attempts.
Are willing to compromise or take turns on activities done together.
Avoid false beliefs about each other’s interests to the point where deception and falsehoods are involved.

False Belief #5 – Having Kids Will Bring Spouses Closer Together And Save A Marriage

Many couples decide to have children for the sake of their marriage. But this is another one of the dangerous false beliefs about marriage never to believe. Having children can deepen a couple’s empathy and understanding for each other. It can further enhance intimacy and closeness and lead to deeper bonding. You’ll become wiser and expand your horizons. But that’s only in a relationship that’s already healthy.

If you want to fix or save a marriage, having children is not the way to go. Parenthood can reveal many hidden issues, even in happy relationships. Naturally, for a marriage in trouble, that’ll be even worse, and it can feel like it’s all coming out of nowhere! Here are some reasons having children to save a marriage doesn’t work:

· Differences In Parenting Style

If you’re already dealing with a lot of marital conflicts, having kids will worsen that. You must find ways to agree on various aspects of raising and caring for a child. Each parent’s protectiveness over the kids will make these brutal battles to fight without pre-existing healthy communication.

· Jealousy

Children don’t always show affection to both parents in the same way. At a very young age, they may strongly prefer receiving support from one parent. Spouses may feel jealous of this and lash out if they already have prior issues in the relationship. This breeds resentment and unhealthy competition, which creates a toxic family environment.

· You Don’t Have Time

Healing a marriage requires time and effort from all parties. This won’t be possible when you have young children! Kids are a real handful and need so much supervision and care. Your lives will get increasingly hectic, and you’ll barely have time for yourself, let alone each other. This causes problems and issues to sit and stew as you avoid them, which will blow up later.

· You’re More Emotionally Fraught

Having children is stressful. If you’re stressed out due to marital issues, kids will only worsen that. You’ll be snappier, irritable, and less willing to discuss things. You’ll be running on empty a lot, leaving you with no bandwidth to manage pre-existing conflicts and problems.

Final Thoughts On Some False Beliefs About Marriage To Never Believe

For something so romanticized, marriage sure can be tricky! False beliefs about marriage only make matters worse. They can lead to disappointment, toxicity, and an unhealthy relationship. By separating myth from fact, you and your partner will be able to better manage future marital issues with mindfulness and care.

3 Effective Ways To Make Better Choices In Life

June 3, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Life is full of decisions that have to be made. Many have trouble making better choices, especially when a lot is at stake.

You might have made your fair share of less-than-ideal choices in the past. This track record could make you worried about committing more errors in the future. But you don’t have to be held up by this anxiety and fear, and you have the power to make good decisions continually. Here are three practical ways to make better choices in life.

1. Frame Your Dilemmas So You Can Make Better Choices Intelligently

The way you think about and look at choices in your life determines whether or not you make good decisions. Without proper intelligent and mindful framing, you wind up falling victim to various biases and a lack of critical thinking. To make better choices, you should frame your dilemmas in the following ways:

· Outline Your Choices

Suppose you want to make better choices. One of the first things you need is to understand your options thoroughly. That’s why you should always correctly outline your preferences before you begin pondering them. It’s helpful to write or type this out so you can better process it. Start by noting what choice you’re trying to make, your motivation for it, and how each option can fulfill the overall decision’s requirements.

· Consider Various Different Choices

There are always multiple options to every single dilemma. Rarely is it truly a fork in the road. Instead, it is a path that branches into numerous different sub-branches and beyond! You shouldn’t compare every single possible choice under the sun, but you should have more than one or two in mind. This consideration gives you the chance to flex your thinking skills and consider a range of options that may have been previously not considered.

· Reframe Your Mind To Make Better Choices

The framing effect is potent in determining human decisions. The way you present the same information can dramatically change how it is received. For example, this is why 10% fat milk is marketed as 90% fat-free. It’s also why you’d be more likely to gamble, for instance, if something were advertised as “Keep $30!” than “Lose $20”. That’s what research says, having performed that same experiment! This means that changing the language, you use to describe your different options can dramatically alter how you view them. Practice reframing other choices in ways that sound better and worse to you, so you get a full scope of its pros and cons.

· Play Devil’s Advocate

Playing devil’s advocate against yourself sounds silly, but it’s essential in fighting confirmation bias. People naturally seek information that will confirm what they already believe or want, often twisting that information to fit their desired outcome. Studies show that even those who don’t want to do this still can do it accidentally! Playing devil’s advocate allows you to fight this bias and seek out genuine facts, interpreting them correctly to inform your decision. Reframe your choices by putting yourself in the shoes of someone with a different mindset from you. Would you still feel the same way, or can the input be interpreted a different way?

· Consider Risk And Reward

The more familiar you are with a particular path, the more comfortable you’re likely to feel in it. While this is a good thing, it can also cause you to become uncomfortable with taking any risks. But making the best choices doesn’t always involve doing the least risky something! Sometimes, the potential rewards can be worth a moderate risk. Reframe risky options based on their reward, and don’t let fear of those risks cloud your judgment!

· Don’t Overload On Options

It sounds like a good idea to collect as many options and choice possibilities as you can. But this is counterproductive when it comes to making better decisions. The human brain naturally makes decisions based on the information that it received last. Plus, too much to consider can lead to heightened decision paralysis as you’ll have trouble deciding between them. So prioritize essential details and use that to narrow down choices quickly before you stop to ponder the last few most ideal options.

2. Take Your Emotions Into Account To Make Better Choices

People often falsely believe that emotions shouldn’t factor into making better choices at all. There’s a mistaken idea that decision-making must inherently involve nothing but pure logic.

But the fact is that human beings aren’t robots! They have feelings and instincts that aren’t easy to rationalize without accepting the nature of emotion. To deny your feelings is to deny reality, and you can’t separate yourself from them. Studies show that your feelings play a huge role in making decisions, whether you want them to or not. Trying to stick to logic alone leaves you susceptible to the influences of subconscious feelings.

If you were to take your emotions into account from the start, you could treat them as informational factors to consider. This takes power away from them, so they don’t secretly pull your strings. It also grants you insight into things you may not have thought about prior. Here’s how to do this to make better choices:

· Label Your Feelings

When you feel a variety of different emotions relating to decision-making, identify each one. This will allow you to understand how you think and whether or not these feelings should be driving your decision-making at all. For example, if you’ve been feeling like passing up an opportunity, you need to stop and consider why.

Is it because of anxiety? That innate anxiety could be driving a confirmation bias and may have framed the choice in a certain way to prove it. Or perhaps that anxiety is for a good cause – is there a factor you’ve ignored that could make this a bad idea? If you miss the emotion without labeling it, you’ll never know!

· Wait Till Your Emotions Aren’t High

When possible, an ideal way to make better choices is by ensuring you’re of a clear head and relatively stable emotional state. This is because high emotions can dramatically influence how you process input and make choices, according to studies. So if you’re currently stressed out, have just received bad news or good news, or are excited about something, take a bit of a brother. Just sleeping on a decision can allow you access to a much clearer head and more beneficial way of thinking.

· Trust Your Gut When Necessary

Your gut instincts trigger emotional responses. For example, when you get a bad feeling about something, you might become anxious or uncomfortable. Or when you have a good feeling, you may become eager. While instincts shouldn’t be the only thing that drives better choices in life, the fact is that you rely on them all the time!

Most human beings automatically make judgments about the world around them as part of their daily survival instinct. So if you have to make a fast decision and can’t take any time to properly consider your options, trust your gut. It’s emotional, but it can be trusted for the most part.

Anyway, studies show that the difference between stewing over the same information for one millisecond and several minutes is pretty much indistinct. So instead of wasting your time chewing your nails in nervousness, go with your instincts when you have no time!

3. Learn From Your Past Events to Make Better Choices Now

You can’t know the outcome of any situation based on the choices you might make. You can only do your best to make choices well and hope for desirable results. But at the end of the day, one of the most significant factors in making better choices is learning from past decisions. What were their outcomes? How could you have done better? Was there anything you could have changed? Here’s how to keep learning, so you continue to make better and better choices:

· Reflect On Mistakes

When a decision turns out to be a mistake, take some time to reflect on it. Think about the choices you made and your reasoning for them. What underlying factors motivated these choices? Was there any way to prevent this outcome? If so, what steps will you take to do so next time? If not, could that outcome have been better handled? And if this wasn’t something you had any control over, then remember that it’s not a mistake on your part. Don’t blame yourself for things that you had no hand in!

· Make Better Choices By Evaluating Past Errors

It’s good practice to spend ten or fifteen minutes at the end of each day reviewing the choices you made throughout it. This encourages a regular habit of reflection. Congratulate yourself over good decisions and consider how to continue making choices like that. Reflect on poor decisions and consider how to do better next time. Don’t spend too long on these reviews, however. Ruminating over past events isn’t healthy. Take the valuable knowledge and information you need and move on.

· Don’t Cry Over Spilt Milk

The goal of learning from past choices is to move on wiser and more decisive. If you dwell on them for too long, you risk further worsening your future decisions. For example, if you made a mistake, you might make several more mistakes in the hopes of making up for the first. Or you may fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy, where you’ve spent so long in a wrong decision that you’re reluctant to get out of it. But these past issues don’t define you and shouldn’t continue to hold sway over you beyond informing your growth. Keep moving forward.

· Empower Yourself To Make Better Choices

Self-compassion and self-esteem play a central role in continual learning and growth, say studies. You have to be able to forgive yourself for previous mistakes to learn from them well. It would help if you were reasonable with your expectations to avoid gunning for something unattainable in decision-making. You must be open-minded and non-judgmental to listen to your emotions and experiences and work with them. You have to have the necessary confidence to be willing to stand by decisions and stride forward while trusting your capability to adapt to future issues. Learning to be kind to yourself facilitates learning!

Final Thoughts On Some Effective Ways To Make Better Choices In Life

The easy and challenging decisions you face in everyday life are opportunities to learn, grow, and do better next time. So frame your decisions intelligently, take your emotions into account, and continually learn from the past with confidence and self-compassion. If you do so, you’ll make better choices in life.

10 Things About an Introverted Person An Extrovert Won’t Understand

June 3, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Introverts and extroverts can seem a world apart. To an extrovert, an introvert can seem confusing, especially with all their solitude and quietness. Since introverts keep to themselves, extroverts might not have the chance to know what their friend is thinking.

Meanwhile, introverts are getting pretty tired of being misunderstood by those who are more outgoing and social than them! Here are ten things about an introverted person an extrovert won’t understand.

1. An Introverted Person Needs Alone Time, But It Is Not Personal

If someone were to define the term extrovert, they might say that person charges their batteries through social activity. For an introverted person, it’s simply the opposite: they get energy from being by themselves. The longer they spend socializing, the more their social batteries drain. To recharge their batteries, they have to spend time by themself.

This need has absolutely nothing to do with the people around them. It’s a personal need that they need to attend to. If they don’t spend time alone, they’ll become fatigued and won’t feel like themselves anymore. Unfortunately, not everyone is very accepting of that behavior! Studies have shown that it’s not uncommon for extroverts to look at introverts and assume that they’re:

Anxious
Depressed
Angry
Irritated
Upset
Sullen or sulky
Rude
Dismissive

In reality, the introvert in question wants some time to pick themselves back up. It can be hurtful for an introvert to be accused of negative emotion and intent simply because they need solitude!

2. They Like To Keep Their Best Stuff To Themselves

An introverted person doesn’t have much of a desire to show off their best qualities. They’re okay not being particularly noticed unless they need to step up. An introvert may feel that only certain people are worth baring themselves entirely for.

Extroverts often showcase a lot about themselves to the world. Of course, as all people do, they have lots of depth, but they’re more willing to reveal their deeper layers. This means it can be hard for them to understand why an introvert won’t do the same.

Introverts need proof that a relationship is meaningful before they divest themselves of layers. They also may find power in keeping their best traits hidden, allowing them to take others by surprise. This is especially true in environments like a workplace or school.

3. An Introverted Person Needs Their Personal Bubble

Everyone has a “bubble” of personal space. When this space is intruded upon, it can be jarring and uncomfortable. Extroverts may be able to lower this bubble quickly when necessary. This lets them dole out hugs to near-strangers or feel comfortable in a tightly packed environment.

An introverted person isn’t able to lower this bubble as quickly. They need their personal space and can become very drained when they don’t get to have it. This is also why they tend not to like crowded parties. Sometimes it’s not just about the social aspect, but about the space they need.

An introvert’s preferred forms of showing affection tend to happen from a distance. Pay attention, and you’ll see them!

4. They Don’t Always Want To Be Alone

The standard depiction of an introverted person involves a lonely person barely leaving their room. That’s not at all an accurate portrayal of a true introvert! Studies show that introverts have plenty of meaningful relationships with others. They’re more than happy to devote their time and attention to those bonds!

Almost no one wants to be alone all of the time. Extroverts will do well to remember that introverts are people, too – just with different social priorities! An introvert needs more “me time” than an extrovert, but they still have typical social desires.

5. An Introverted Person Is Not Necessarily Shy

A lot of extroverts believe that an introvert is automatically a shy person. But that’s not the case! There is a vast difference between these traits. For comparison:

A shy person may be apprehensive or nervous about talking to others. On the other hand, an introvert wants to get to know someone more closely before engaging in more conversation with them.
A shy person may be quiet due to their shyness and apprehension. On the other hand, introverts are silent because they don’t enjoy small talk and want to think well before they speak.
A shy person may also experience symptoms of social anxiety or have difficulty in social situations. Conversely, an introvert can thrive in a social setting, only craving solitude due to tiredness.
A shy person may want to engage with others more but lack confidence. However, those who tend towards introversion are naturally more inward-turning and reserved and don’t desire to engage more.

It’s true that some introverted people experience social anxiety or are shy. They’re not mutually exclusive experiences. But extroverts should take care not to conflate the two!

6. They Crave Intellectual and Emotional Depth

Introverts notoriously dislike small talk, superficial people, and things with little substantial meaning. They’re naturally deep thinkers and enjoy the process of learning.

More than anything else, introverts want to be genuinely and deeply seen by those who matter. They want to connect to people on a deeper level. But they’re also acutely aware that many people in the world won’t try to see beneath their exterior. Plus, given their limited social energy, they can be somewhat picky about who they want to bond with.

This is why introverts are happy to continue their quiet, reserved behavior. The right person to befriend or pursue will not dismiss them simply because of their silence. That person will patiently take the time and effort to forge a connection. That’s when an introvert knows something meaningful is beginning to form – and then they’re all in.

7. There’s Always Something Behind The Scenes.

An introvert’s silence isn’t a sign of low intelligence. In fact, it’s quite the contrary! Many of these folks are very reflective and like deep thinking. They don’t see the point in airing their thoughts, though. They want only to speak meaningful things and not to be judged for their less well-defined thoughts.

Essentially, an introverted person’s gears are always turning. They’re working overtime to collect information and form ideas from them. This isn’t to say that introverts are calculated or cold. They like to keep their brain heavily occupied as much as possible!

8. They Have A Lot Of Fun

Extroverts have fun by being social. They might even think introverts need to learn to have fun and let loose. But introverts do have fun, and they’re often lots of fun to hang out with.

Sure, introverts are quiet in rowdy, crowded, and high-energy social environments. This is because the five senses are the best friends of the introvert, meaning that they have fun through observation. Research suggests that this means introverts:

Like listening to information and reflecting on that.
Enjoy sitting back, relaxing, and observing various environments.
Love being a witness to fun shenanigans.
Make people feel welcome by being empathetic and interested in receiving information.

Of course, to an extrovert, that can sound pretty boring. One has to accept that both sides of the spectrum like to have fun in different ways!

9. Introverted People Don’t Hate Others

For some reason, some extroverts have the idea that introverts hate people. Sure, extroverts can acknowledge that an introverted person will have a few close friends who matter. But there’s also this idea that introverts only want to be around “their people” and heavily dislike humankind as a whole.

This is a really silly way to look at introverts–they aren’t unfriendly by nature. Research shows that people of this personality type:

They are highly interested in other people.
Enjoy deep and meaningful conversations with others.
Will open up and talk happily in a space where they feel safe.

Basically, if extroverts give introverts a chance, they’ll see just how vibrant and compassionate the “quiet ones” can be!

10. Demanding That They Change Will Dull Their Shine

A lot of introverts find that people view their behavior as something that must be fixed. Throughout their lives, various people may have forced them to act more like an extrovert. This pressure can come from teachers, parents, bosses, friends, bullies, and different authority figures.

These actions stem from a misunderstanding of what introverts are. They hear they should “get over” their quietness, which is mistaken for social anxiety, shyness, and agoraphobia. Of course, as we’ve already covered, those things aren’t automatically synonymous with introversion. It’s not possible for these folks to completely subvert this vital facet of themselves!

Being treated this way can be damaging to an introverted person. They may lose interest in the field where this pressure exists. They might perform poorly due to being discouraged or having trouble acting as instructed. All-in-all, telling a person to change the core of who they are is unhealthy!

Extroverts who don’t quite understand introverts should try their best to avoid demanding this change from introverts.

How Extroverts Can Be More Understanding

It can be helpful for extroverts to remember:

An introverted person’s strengths shine most when they aren’t being pressured.
It’s simply rude to tell someone that they’re too quiet, too dull, or that they should speak more.
Severe problems like genuine social anxiety, extreme shyness, and agoraphobia are not random people’s business to comment on.
Being patient with your introspective friend can be rewarding and you’ll see that you’re not so different after all.
If you want to hear introverts speak, you shouldn’t interrupt them in your excitement, as this may discourage them.
Introverts often want to think and need time to process things before speaking, and rushing them will hurt their confidence.
Telling an introverted person to “talk more” is akin to the research-noted act of telling an extroverted person to “stop talking.”

Final Thoughts On Some Things About An Introverted Person That Extroverts Won’t Understand

At the end of the day, you’re a human being first. Terms that dictate social preferences shouldn’t stop those on either side from treating each other respectfully. Extroverts don’t need to understand introverts to treat them with kindness and empathy, and vice versa!

4 Effective Ways To Break The Cycle of Violence

June 3, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

The cycle of violence, power, and control in domestic abuse is tough to break out of. The way that a toxic relationship with a partner or family member is structured can quickly trap you inside of it.

Are you trapped in an abusive situation? Then know that you’re not alone and that you deserve better. And, more importantly, know that you can get out. Here are four practical ways to break the cycle of violence, power, and control.

1. Beware The Honeymoon Phase in the Cycle of Violence

Each cycle of violence in domestic abuse has four similar stages. These phases, which have been the subject of much research over the years, make the violent relationship somewhat predictable. If you’re trying to break free from the cycle, you need to make sure you’re aware of each stage and what trappings to avoid. These phases are:

· Stage One: Building Tension

During this time, the stressors of life get to the abuser. These stressors can come from anywhere and everywhere, from work problems to fatigue and from adverse life events to illness. Regardless, an abuser doesn’t know how to manage or process this stress in a healthy way. This causes them to become increasingly aggressive and irritable, even hinging into paranoia, as they bottle up their feelings or lash out. In this stage, you might begin to feel uncomfortable and worried, feeling guarded. This mindset can cause you to do everything possible to appease the abusive individual, catering to even their most unreasonable demands.
·

Stage Two: Incident

This event is the incident of abuse. All the tension, as mentioned earlier, rushes out and erupts in domestic violence. This can take many forms, from physical aggression to emotional manipulation. The point is that the actions of an abuser in this situation will be harmful. They’ll mistreat you, and you may even feel that you’re to blame for what happens.

· Stage Three: Reconciliation

The incident eventually ends, and a honeymoon phase begins. The abuser, attempting to make up for their actions or cover up their behavior, will suddenly behave with extreme affection. You’ll receive gifts, compliments, and gentle, kind treatment. This results in a rush of positive hormones that get released, making you feel happy and hopeful for the relationship’s improvement.

· Stage Four: Calm

As the honeymoon phase of reconciliation slowly ends, an abuser will continue to refuse to acknowledge their behavior. They’ll deny what happened or refuse to talk about it. If they apologize, they will do so only to keep the peace and not do so genuinely. They may minimize their behavior, make several excuses, transfer responsibility to you, or imply that you’re sensitive. They can be very good at sounding sincere at this moment, even making you question what happened. You may doubt yourself and the abuse. This calm will stay for a while until tensions rise again.

The most dangerous of these phases is the reconciliation stage or the honeymoon phase. Many people are coaxed into forgiveness because of the insidious love-bombing that happens here. You will suddenly receive so much love and affection, especially of a kind that you haven’t had much of previously. It’ll make you feel amazing and loved – but you have to remember that it’s part of the cycle of violence you need to break.

Don’t fall for niceness or kind treatment after receiving abuse, especially if it’s part of this recurring cycle. The abuser is trying to keep you quiet and make you stay. And don’t believe in any gaslighting, minimizing, or rationalizing of the abuse. That includes the rationalizing that you might do in your mind to convince yourself that everything is okay.

2. Start Planning To Leave the Cycle of Violence

The best way to stop the cycle of violence is to leave the violent relationship in question. But that’s not always easy, and many toxic relationships have dynamics inherently tricky to escape. You might be financially dependent on an abuser or be afraid for your life if you leave. You might have been isolated from your friends, therefore having nowhere to turn to.

But there are still some things you can do to plan to leave. Doing so will also help to give you hope that you can escape the cycle of violence and domestic abuse. Here are some steps to start planning:

· Get Help

There are numerous centers dedicated to aiding survivors of domestic violence. Contacting them can garner you various services, such as counseling, job training, childcare, and financial aid, that may help you. Their assistance can be valuable in breaking the cycle of violence. When contacting them, try to avoid being tracked by the abuser. Use a work computer, browse in a private tab, and use payphones.

· Arrange Shelter

When you leave, you’ll need somewhere to go. It’s essential to have somewhere to stay arranged. If not, you might end up having no choice but to go back. Try to save up to stay at a motel for a few nights while you seek more permanent options. You can also arrange to move in temporarily with friends, family, or other loved ones who you know are safe and will be on your side. You can also turn to social organizations, such as shelters for the abused or religious organizations.

· Set Aside Money In A Secret Account

Is financial independence an issue for you? Set up a secret bank account using a post office box as a private address if you can. You can also opt to ensure your bank only sends bills and other information to a personal email address. This action can allow you to slowly but surely build up enough money to leave. The US Office on Women’s Health highly recommends this. If this is not possible, try to get a loan from a loved one.

The moment you feel it is safe to leave, do so. It’s a good idea to do this when your abuser won’t be around and won’t be able to stop you. Gather the essential documents, supplies, items, and contact numbers. This preparedness means you should have your wallet, keys, identification items, changes of clothes, and shelter numbers. Make sure you leave no indication of where you’ll be going.

3. Protect Yourself From Continuing The Cycle of Violence

One of the essential parts of breaking the cycle of violence is staying protected. Abusers can be unpredictable when they realize you’re trying to leave or have left. This makes them dangerous, and you have to keep yourself safe. Even abusers who aren’t physically aggressive can find ways to get you back into their lives with power and control. Here are some ways to stay protected:

· Block The Abuser Everywhere

Allow absolutely no contact from your abuser. It takes only one crack for them to continue the cycle of violence. Block their number, social media, and email addresses. Set your social media accounts to private so your abuser can’t make a new account to stalk you. Screen unknown numbers so they go to voicemail. Block anything suspicious. If you don’t know how to block people on various social media or contact methods, Google can help you!

· Change Passwords And Locks

If you remain at a personal home while breaking the cycle of violence, change all your locks. Please don’t allow your abuser to find their way in. It would help if you also changed the passwords on your social media and email accounts so your abuser can’t sneakily find out what you’re up to. Even if you think they don’t have your keys or password, do this anyway. There’s a good chance they would have duplicated a key or learned a password without your knowledge.

· Consider Getting A Burner Phone

Most smartphones can be tracked using lost-phone-finding apps and features. Purchasing either a prepaid phone lets you make essential calls without being found or followed. If you don’t have a smartphone, you should still consider changing your phone number so your abuser can’t contact you.

· Get A Court-Backed Legal Document

There are a few types of documents you can use to prevent an abuser from contacting you legally. This includes Personal Protection Orders and Restraining Orders. It’s a good idea to look up what will be involved in getting each one, so you don’t get overwhelmed by their requirements.

4. After You Break The Cycle Of Violence, Take Time For Self-Care

To break the cycle of violence, you must break your cycles. A toxic relationship of any kind can ruin your self-esteem and confidence. You may even feel guilty every time you try to put yourself first.

But the strength you had before the relationship still lies within you. If you build on it, you’ll be able to recover stronger and wiser. Research shows that learning to live for yourself again is central to the healing process. Eventually, most survivors no longer consider themselves victims and can move on.

What’s also important about this is avoiding repeat incidents of the same cycle repeating itself. Many individuals who escape violent relationships could end up in a new cycle of violence due to poor attachment styles. It’s essential to take some time to work on yourself first after leaving an abusive situation. Here are some tips for building yourself up again with:

Spend time with those who love and support you and can build up your self-esteem.
Don’t ruminate for too long on the past; look forward to the future.
Make plans and goals for the future that keep you motivated.
Plan one thing to look forward to every single week, so you stay energized.
Take care of your physical body and health by sleeping enough, eating balanced meals, and exercising.
Buy yourself something nice that you’ve wanted for a while.
Prioritize self-care and perform daily acts of self-love.
Make time for hobbies and things you did before the relationship.
Dressing up for yourself in a way that you like.
Joining support groups for survivors of the cycle of violence.
Keep busy and stay distracted with positive and productive behaviors.

Don’t forget that you can also seek professional help through therapy. Domestic violence is traumatizing, and a professional can teach you some tools that will aid your recovery. They can also ensure you stay on track during your healing process.

Final Thoughts On Some Effective Ways To Break The Cycle Of Violence, Power, And Control

The cycle of violence can often feel deadly and inescapable, but it isn’t. Understand the cycle of violence, plan to leave, protect yourself, and build yourself up again. Remember, you deserve better than to be trapped in a toxic and abusive environment, and you have the strength to break free. Things will get better, and you can take the first steps to plan your escape now. The path to safety and a better life is possible, and taking that first step can set the wheels of change in motion.

On the other hand, facing accusations of domestic violence brings its own set of challenges. Domestic violence charges and their penalties vary widely, ranging from a few months to several decades in prison, depending on the severity of the offense. This makes securing the right legal representation critical to ensuring a fair outcome.

A skilled criminal defence attorney, like those at https://www.defencelawyersvic.com.au/, can provide the expertise and support needed to navigate these complex cases. From understanding the nuances of the charges to building a strong defense, having a knowledgeable advocate by your side can significantly impact the outcome. Whether you are a victim seeking justice or someone facing allegations, the right legal guidance can make all the difference.

4 Things That Stop You From Healing After a Breakup

June 3, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Do you struggle with recovering after breakups? Are you the one who hurts the most and doesn’t know how to cope with the situation? Do you feel like you don’t know what to do with yourself after a breakup?

Breakups are hard, no matter the context. Whether you are initiating the split or receiving, you have to go through a healing process. Unfortunately, people have a hard time understanding how to deal with these situations healthily. And that’s understandable. A breakup takes such an emotional toll on people that it’s absurd to expect them to be entirely rational. Still, some things are clear hurdles in your healing process. So, what are the main mistakes made when addressing breakups, and how can you avoid them?

How Does A Healthy Breakup Look?

Dealing with a breakup looks different for everyone. It’s such a personal event that there’s no golden rule telling you how you should proceed. Some people heal quickly, some people recover in a few months, maybe more. Some people grow after a breakup, others not so much.

But most people experience five main stages after a breakup: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These feelings are normal, so don’t beat yourself up if you’re in disbelief immediately after the separation.

The main thing you want to do to get through those stages is to focus on yourself. After a long time with someone, you must readjust to being alone. Learn who you are without the person you were with. Everyone can have a healthy breakup if they work a little to get it. The important thing is how you look at the situation.

Any therapist will tell you that a breakup isn’t an ending, rather a new beginning. That sounds cheesy, but it’s true. When you break up with someone, you get opportunities to learn more about yourself and discover a new love. Just because you loved someone wholeheartedly doesn’t mean you can’t love again. On average, people have seven to eight severe relationships in their life. So, if you just broke up with your first partner, don’t despair. You will find someone else, and you can even thrive alone.

One way to get over a breakup is to get emotional support from the people closest to you. Talk about your feelings and let people be there for you. Take time for personal development. Take care of your mental and physical health. Try meditation, exercise, even counseling if that helps. But what are the common mistakes that hinder their healing?

Four Things That Stop You From Healing After a Breakup

Don’t let these roadblocks stand in your way.

1. You Aren’t Establishing Boundaries

A vital part of dealing with a breakup is establishing your needs. Some people can go straight to being friends after a breakup. Others need to take some time away. For some, seeing the other person might never be an option again.

But most people don’t discuss healthy boundaries. So, while going through the process, they might try to reach out to the other person. This might be unhealthy for both of them. While you go through the denial and bargaining phases, you might try to convince the other person to take you back.

Not only are you not respecting their needs that way, but you are doing yourself a disservice. Or this might happen the other way around. You wouldn’t want to wake up with a dozen missed calls from your ex when trying to move on.

What you need to do is set strict boundaries. When you talk about breaking up, also discuss ground rules. Don’t text and call if you feel like you can’t. Don’t go out with the same groups if you need distance. Discuss what to do if you run into each other. Do you ignore each other or talk? Figure what if you need a lot of space, or maybe just a little. No matter what your needs are, let the other person know so that they can respect them. And do the same for them.

Verbalize what you need and what makes you the most comfortable. Otherwise, your ex might cross some lines unintentionally. And that might be a setback for you. If you know talking to them will make you suffer, tell them that. They might call you to ask something innocent and reopen a wound. And you might reopen some of their wounds.

2. You Get Back Out There Too Soon

After a breakup, especially if it was a long relationship, people find themselves in unknown territory. They are alone again and must readjust to life that way. Because learning to be solitary again can be tricky, people want to fill that void and jump back into the dating scene as quickly as possible. But that can be pretty toxic.

Going on a date with the first person you meet is a superficial way of addressing the problem. In most cases, it doesn’t even address it. Instead, it becomes a distraction from your true feelings. You fill your time and mind with new emotions, so you don’t have to deal with your wounds. But that disallows you from processing what you’ve been through.

If you shove your pain in the back of your mind, it will build up and eventually overwhelm you. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to heal. If you don’t give yourself time to process the breakup, you won’t learn anything from it. You won’t have time to reflect on what went well, what mistakes you made, and how you can become better. A breakup means losing a part of your life, so you must mourn it like any other loss.

If you jump into the first relationship you can get, you risk becoming dependent on that person. To have a healthy relationship, you need to be a healthy individual. You need to be able to thrive alone. Don’t use another person as an anchor in these times. Chances are, you will develop an unhealthy attachment towards them. Even if you don’t become toxic, a rebound relationship will only help with the superficial wounds. You are the one who needs to deal with the deep ones. So don’t use a new relationship as an excuse to avoid your emotions.

Don’t jump on all dating apps, either. Maybe you will feel gratification if people like your profile or swipe right. But you don’t want your healing to be dependent on how attractive strangers think you are. Instead, take a couple of months for yourself. Learn to love yourself before giving relationships a new chance.

3. You Compare Your Experience

When people go through something traumatic, they mimic what other people did in similar experiences. If they know a couple that stayed friends after a breakup, they might think that’s what they should do too. But relationships are not “one size fits all.” You need to stop comparing and start asking yourself what’s best for you.

Some people blame themselves if they process things differently. If they don’t heal after a couple of months, they might think there’s something wrong with them: “It’s already been a year; I should be fine.” But healing looks different for everyone. If you keep comparing yourself to other people, you will adopt behaviors unsuitable for your needs.

You might keep communicating with your ex because “that’s normal” and hinder your healing process. Or perhaps you might shove your feelings deep inside because “you shouldn’t show weakness,” thus never dealing with them appropriately. You have to take “should” out of your vocabulary. No one has the right to determine how you “should” feel. If you’re not over it after a year, that’s fine. It just means your emotional toll was more significant than what others experienced. Don’t downplay your experiences.

No matter what you’ve been through, you have the right to be hurt. And the more you let yourself feel those emotions, the better you can cope with them. As Professor Grace Larson’s studies found, when people acknowledge their feelings, they feel less depressed. And they are less likely to be hung up on the breakup.

4. You Make Your Closure Dependent On Your Ex

After a breakup, many people think the only way to get it is if their ex gives it to them. But your ability to let go of the past shouldn’t be determined by how others act. You should be in control of getting your closure.

If you depend on your ex to get closure, you might not get it at all. They don’t have to help you move on, and they don’t have to explain themselves a million times because you refuse to process. And you shouldn’t expect them to. Instead, dealing with a breakup is a lonely affair. And you should be aware of that.

You are the only person who can make sure your needs are fulfilled. If you want closure, you need to accept what happened entirely. If you’re holding on to the past, only you can fix that. There’s nothing your ex can do or say to make you immediately move on. Getting closure is a process in which you grieve the past, and you get ready to face the future. Only you can plan how you want your future to look like. Be proactive and rely on your strengths.

That doesn’t mean dealing with the breakup alone. Have friends and family support you. But be aware that you have to want to get better. No one is going to face your emotions for you.

Final Thoughts On Things That Stop You From Healing After a Breakup

Getting over a breakup is one of the most challenging and emotionally draining tasks you have to deal with. It’s such a personal matter that many people don’t even know how to start healing. Even if you follow all the relationship advice in the world, you might still stay hurt and develop toxic behaviors.

It would be best if you made your own rules when it comes to breakups. But it would help if you also avoid common mistakes people make after a breakup. Don’t forget to have clear boundaries you both need to respect. Don’t jump back into the dating scene the day after the split. Avoid comparing your experience to other people’s breakups. And lastly, find your closure.

Study Warns: Excessive Screen Time Links to Myopia in Young People

June 2, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

A new study in one of the world’s top medical journals revealed excessive screen time can cause myopia in young people. Children and young adults have a higher risk of developing myopia, or short-sightedness, the research finds.

Researchers and eye health experts from Singapore, Australia, China, and the UK collaborated on the study. One of the experts included Professor Rupert Bourne from Anglia Ruskin University (ARU). The open-access research first appeared in The Lancet Digital Health.

Study authors poured over more than 3,000 studies investigating links between smart device use and myopia. The age groups in the studies ranged from 3 months to 33 years old.

After analyzing and calculating statistics from the studies, the authors came to a similar conclusion. They found that excessive screen time, such as staring at smartphones, can raise myopia risk by 30%. When taking into account computer use, the risk increases to about 80%.

With more children spending time at home during the pandemic, the research comes at a critical time. Millions of children have had to learn remotely due to school closures during the global pandemic. In addition, children have likely spent more time on digital devices for entertainment purposes. With more parents working from home, smart devices may have helped soothe kids during the workday.

Professor Bourne, Professor of Ophthalmology in the Vision and Eye Research Institute at Anglia Ruskin University (ARU), said: “Around half the global population is expected to have myopia by 2050, so it is a health concern that is escalating quickly. Our study is the most comprehensive yet on this issue and shows a potential link between screen time and myopia in young people.

“This research comes at a time when our children have been spending more time than ever looking at screens for long periods, due to school closures, and it is clear that urgent research is needed to further understand how exposure to digital devices can affect our eyes and vision. We also know that people underestimate their own screen time, so future studies should use objective measures to capture this information.”

Prevalence of myopia increasing worldwide as technology use skyrockets

With more people using smartphones than ever before, it’s easy to see why our collective vision continues to worsen. Scientists have observed impaired vision occurring at younger ages and at accelerating rates. High myopia, usually defined as nearsightedness of −5 dioptres (D) or greater, is the leading cause of distant refractive error globally.

Experts have also observed a worrying trend of worsening myopia at stabilization, typically occurring in young adulthood. All of these factors may compound in the coming decades, leading to a global epidemic of high myopia.

Contacts and glasses help people with myopia see clearly, but they don’t fix the underlying problem. Severe myopia can eventually lead to complications such as irreversible blindness, macular degeneration, cataracts, retinal tears, and glaucoma.

Experts cite several environmental risk factors driving the myopia epidemic in urban, developed societies in particular. Two major risk factors include insufficient time spent in nature and increased near-vision work activities in childhood. Reading and using digital devices can exacerbate myopia, especially for children who engage for long periods in these activities.

The recent advent of digital smart devices like smartphones and tablets has spawned new types of near-vision work. Children use these devices for schoolwork, which means they’re staring at screens for eight or more hours per day. Making the issue even worse, they view these devices at closer distances than books.

While the rise in myopia cases predates the smartphone era, evidence shows that smart devices exacerbate vision loss. Population-based studies have revealed an association between excessive screen time and myopia, increased myopic spherical equivalent, and longer axial length. Some studies, however, haven’t found any links warranting more research on this topic.

Either way, staring at screens for hours a day can take a toll on our overall health. It’s not just vision loss we should worry about – smartphones and computers pose other threats to our well-being.

Other consequences of too much screen time

Difficulty falling and staying asleep: The blue light emitted from smart devices tricks your body into thinking it’s morning, even at night. This interruption means your body won’t produce as much melatonin, making it harder to get quality sleep.
The strain on the neck, head, and shoulders: Have you ever noticed that your neck hurts after looking down at your smartphone? Since your head weighs roughly 11 pounds, staring down at your device puts significant pressure on your neck and shoulders. Over time, the strain can weaken muscles in your neck, possibly leading to spinal damage.
It makes you more antisocial: When you’re absorbed in your smart device, you tend to tune out the world around you. As a result, your social relationships in real life suffer the more time you spend in a virtual world.
Affects cognition: The more we rely on smartphones to access information, the less our brains have to “think.” Passively looking at images and text on the phone makes our brains lazy, much like watching TV.
Increases anxiety and depression: Overwhelming evidence links the rise in smartphone use with poorer mental health. This mainly stems from the use of social media. Comparing yourself to anyone in the world and communicating with them 24/7 doesn’t bode well for mental health.

Final Thoughts: Study links increasing myopia to excessive screen time in young adults

Smartphones and tablets have their place in society, but they have also undeniably wreaked havoc on our well-being. A new study found that rising smartphone use may explain increasing myopia in teens and young children. Everywhere you look nowadays, kids and teens alike have their faces glued to screens. These devices have educational applications, but it’s not healthy to look at them for more than eight hours per day.

Not only do smartphones and tablets cause vision loss, but they also can lead to poorer mental and physical health. As a society, we need to curb our appetite for technology and spend more time in nature. This alone would help improve our vision, literally and figuratively.

4 Narcissistic Traits That Most People Overlook

June 2, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Do you ever get weird vibes from certain people but can’t pinpoint why? Do you think they display negative narcissistic traits?

Narcissism is a behavior often associated with an inflated ego. But what if that wasn’t the case for all narcissists? What if certain personality traits are harder to correlate with narcissism? Read on to discover some narcissistic traits that go unnoticed and how to identify them.

The Narcissistic Traits Never to Overlook

The most common definition of narcissism revolves around extreme self-involvement. It is a behavior that makes a person ignore the needs of the people around them. Usually, narcissists see themselves as better than most. While most people can occasionally display narcissistic behaviors, that doesn’t mean they are a narcissist.

To be a “true” narcissist, one needs to show frequent disregard of others’ feelings and a lack of empathy. They don’t understand how their behavior can affect others and don’t care. Being self-centered is common for these types of people.

While narcissism is a trait, it can signify a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is essential to understand that narcissism is a spectrum. Not all narcissists have NPD. Only the people on the higher end of the spectrum are classified as suffering from NPD. The people on the lower end are still narcissists but don’t suffer from this mental health disorder.

The Five Most Frequent Narcissistic Traits

Common narcissistic traits to look for when you suspect someone might be narcissistic are:

Sense of entitlement
Manipulative behaviors
Need for admiration
Lack of empathy
Arrogance

The problem with this portrayal of narcissism is that it makes people think it’s an overt behavior. While that’s true in most cases, narcissists don’t have to be honest about their true selves. This behavior is not all about being loud and flashy.

Covert narcissism

In recent years, in-depth studies on this behavior have determined two types of narcissism: covert and overt. Overt narcissism is the one discussed previously and the most prominent display of narcissistic behaviors. Covert narcissism is the one harder to spot.

The covert narcissist is introverted and reserved. How is that possible, you might ask? Isn’t that a contradiction? Well, no, and this makes sense. A study at NYU determined that narcissism is often driven by insecurity. Because of that, even they need reassurance. And if they can’t get it through showing-off, they will act vulnerable. As psychoanalyst Maxine Mei-Fung Chung stated, the mask of the wounded narcissist conceals pain and sadness.

4 Narcissistic Traits Most People Overlook

So, what narcissistic traits go unnoticed, and how can you become aware of them?

1. Habitual Non-Listening

Whether covert or overt, many narcissists engage in this behavior, and they get away with it. Because people think some people like talking, being around someone talkative who isn’t a listener doesn’t seem suspicious. But this is a red flag that you should be on the lookout for.

You already know that narcissists are full of themselves. So, it only makes sense that they would like the sound of their voice. They think they know best, so they don’t bother listening to any other perspective if it doesn’t coincide with theirs. Instead, they take over the conversation to ensure everyone knows what they think.

But talking a lot isn’t a red flag by itself. Extroverts tend to be big talkers, that doesn’t mean they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The main difference is the reason why they talk. Extroverts and others who like talking will entertain, tell a story, or fill the silence. But narcissists speak to tell you how great they are. They create extravagant tales about their achievements. And, when they talk, they’re not interested in dialogue. They don’t care what you say as long as they know you have been informed about their greatness. They are perfectly content with delivering a monologue.

Hearing versus listening

Another tell is that even when they listen, they do so superficially. These folks hear instead of listening. They let you talk while they nod and think about anything but what you’re saying. They only care about finding an opening where they can slide in and start boasting about themselves again.

Even covert narcissists will engage in non-listening. While they will pretend to listen and let you talk for more extended periods, they will do so just for show. They will have the façade of a concerned friend who is interested in what you have to say. But when it comes to giving you advice or anything like that, they won’t be able to because they didn’t truly listen.

When you see a person taking over the conversation, be wary of their intentions. The best way to unmask narcissists is to ask them questions about the conversation they just listened to. If they have no idea what it was about, that’s your sign they’re exhibiting narcissistic traits.

2. Procrastination (one of the most easily missed narcissistic traits)

This trait is more often associated with other mental health disorders, like depression. But what most people don’t know is that narcissists, especially covert ones, engage in this often.

Narcissists need to convince others, and themselves, just how perfect they are. Thus, they might choose not to engage in certain activities because they fear failure. They would rather have fewer successes but a clean record than do a lot but fail often. If they engage in an activity and don’t do it perfectly, that ruins the façade they worked so hard to create. If they procrastinate, they have excuses for not doing things. And if they do something subpar, they can save face by saying they started at the last second.

That’s not the only reason they engage in procrastination, though. Sometimes narcissists don’t care about doing certain things. They have an innate disregard for most activities. If they don’t personally like something, why bother doing it? More often than not, you will not see a narcissist doing volunteer work. They don’t care about doing things for others. The only reason why they might engage in certain charitable activities is if they gain something from it. The gains can be brownie points from friends, social connections, a better image, or something to add to the CV; it doesn’t matter. But they will not bother doing things if that personal gain doesn’t exist.

Be careful around someone who constantly delays doing things or does nothing more than what makes them look good. You might be dealing with a narcissist.

3. Self-Deprecating Humour

Self-deprecating humor is popular among younger people. In most cases, it’s the effect of cultural changes. Sometimes, it can reveal narcissistic traits.

This all stems from narcissists trying to conceal that they have low self-esteem. Most of them do this by acting overly confident. Some take it to the other extreme. They become excessively modest, belittling themselves through the jokes they make. But it’s all a ploy. In reality, they’re just fishing for compliments, trying to get the validation they need to boost their confidence.

If you’ve ever heard someone saying, “I’m the most horrible person ever, am I right?” that’s probably just a manipulation tactic. It’s meant to put the listeners in a tight spot, where they can agree and move on with their life. Instead, they’re forced to be reassuring, thus feeding the narcissist’s ego. Plus, if they cover up this attempt at manipulation in the form of humor, they can’t be confronted about their true intentions. They can always say, “I’m just joking!”.

Narcissists often couple this type of humor with victim behavior. The more vulnerable they can make themselves seem, the more leeway they will have to act wrong. They rely on fear and guilt-tripping as a means to manipulate. Making jokes about how they look, how stupid they are, makes the people around them feel responsible for them. And once you become their rescuer, they will only manipulate you for their gains.

Beware of people who go overboard with this type of humor and people who play the victim. Narcissism is one of the least problematic behaviors that display this trait. Worst case, you might be dealing with sociopaths.

4. Reactive To Criticism

Most people are open to a certain degree of criticism, especially when they are criticized constructively. If your friend advises you to try a different sauce when you cook your pasta, you’ll say “thanks,” and that’s it. You certainly won’t lose your mind. Right?

Well, that’s true for most people. But narcissists tend to be reactionary. Interpreting every criticism negatively is a sign of that person displaying narcissistic traits. The more someone blows a small comment out of proportion, the warier you should be. If someone starts raging when hearing even the most well-intentioned advice, you know something is up.

Narcissists can’t accept that people don’t see them as perfect. They take every comment as a personal attack. Because they fear that their mask of perfection is cracked, they lose it and react when given advice. Rage is simply a defense mechanism to protect their inflated ego. Sometimes, they act like their survival is dependent on being right.

Even if they’re not directly criticized but instead presented with different viewpoints than the ones they hold, they react the same. It’s always “my way or the highway” with these people. Be careful if you know someone who gets angry when presented with advice or alternative opinions. It’s possible you are dealing with a narcissist, and you’d better distance yourself from them than try to make them see reason.

Final Thoughts On Four Narcissistic Traits Most People Overlook

The best conclusion to everything discussed is that you shouldn’t stereotype anything. So many stereotypes and misconceptions are associated with narcissistic traits that people overlook the subtler nuances.

When identifying narcissists, don’t just look for the loudest and most full of themselves. Sometimes, the people who seem the most vulnerable are the most dangerous. Pay attention to people who don’t listen to you, procrastinate, and go crazy when criticized. A closer look might show you who they are. Most importantly, please don’t fall for their self-deprecating humor and victim behavior. Remember, the people who act like that can always be manipulators with inflated egos.

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