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5 Things Trustworthy People Do Differently

October 3, 2015 by Power of Positivity

Trust is the building block of any successful relationship, whether in business partnerships, romantic relationships, friends, relatives, etc. Without trust, you can’t form any sort of bond with the person, because people simply don’t want to open up to someone they can’t fully count on. On the other side of that coin, people need to be able to trust you, as well. We often think about how other people gain our trust, but what about how we get others to trust us?

Here are 5 things trustworthy people do differently:

1. They apologize for things they cannot control.

This might seem unnecessary or silly at first, but an apology about something like the weather, for instance, makes you seem more trustworthy and compassionate.

For example, Harvard researchers recruited a young man to ask 65 strangers in a busy train station if he could borrow their cell phone, but he only did this experiment on rainy days. Half of the time when he approached people, he started with an apology like “I am so sorry about the rain!” before asking if he could borrow their cell phone. Only 9 percent of people who didn’t hear the unnecessary apology let him borrow their phone. In contrast, 47 percent of those who heard the apology let him borrow their cell phone. Researchers have found that starting off a conversation with an apology, whether necessary or not, exemplifies empathy and concern for the listener, which instills trust in him or her.

2. They mimic body language to make you feel comfortable.

It turns out that noticing people’s subtle gestures during a conversation and mirroring their body language can make them trust you more. An astonishing study published in the journal Academy of Management Proceedings revealed that MBA students asked to mimic a partner in a negotiation exercise (i.e. resting their elbow on the table if the other person did) ??reached an agreement 67 percent of the time. (The participants had no clue they were being mimicked.) Students told not to mimic the other person’s body language reached an agreement only 12.5% of the time. Researchers attribute the success in the negotiations to interpersonal trust, explaining that mimicry could help solve arguments and even assist in mediation.

3. They are humble.

In general, people trust humble people more, because they come across as much more personable and friendly. For example, a University of California at Berkeley study revealed that showing embarrassment helps people trust you more. In the study, researchers showed participants a video of someone telling a man that he earned a perfect score on a test. He responded with embarrassment some of the time, and pride the other times.

After watching the video, the participants played games to measure how much they trusted the man. The results revealed that those who had seen him react in an embarrassed manner trusted him more. Researchers explain that embarrassment shows acceptance and congeniality in a person, making them more trustworthy and approachable.

4. They often like to wear soothing scents.

It turns out that how you smell can affect people’s level of trust in you. A Dutch study had 90 adults separate into three groups to play something called the “Trust Game,” which measures people’s trust in one another. How does this game work? Basically, the researchers give all players a certain amount of money, and the participants choose whether to keep it or give it to someone else. If the players choose to transfer money, the profits triple, but the trustee gets the final say in whether to share the profits with the trustor, a decision that requires trust.

During the game, the groups had exposure to three different scents: either none at all, lavender, or peppermint. The study revealed that the group who smelled lavender had much more willingness to trust someone with their money than the other groups. The olfactory nerve connects to the part of the brain that signals whether we should trust others or not, and lavender has a soothing effect, while peppermint excites the nerves.

5. They often share mutual friends.

Obviously, you will gain someone’s trust more often if you share a mutual friend with him or her. Apparently, two people have a higher likelihood of trusting one another when they share a common friend. This way, your friend will have probably mentioned you to the mutual friend at least a few times, which makes the person feel like they know you a little bit already.

University of British Columbia students performed a study where they sent random friend requests to people on Facebook. Not surprisingly, people were more likely to accept as the number of mutual friends increased. Almost 80 percent of people accepted the request when they had 11 or higher mutual friends, but only 20 percent of people accepted the requests when the two had no mutual friends.

How Happy People Spend The Last 30 Minutes of the Day

October 2, 2015 by Power of Positivity

When we get caught up in the hectic schedule of our day, we look forward to just getting home so we can unwind. We may turn on the television, scroll through Facebook, or even do both. While seemingly innocent (we did put in a full day’s work, after all), how we end our day can impact our overall happiness. Happy people tend to do certain things at the end of their day that unhappy people don’t practice. Not every happy person does all of these, but some do. And it’s not about the time you spend on these things, but more about ending your day on the right note, setting up tomorrow to be even happier.

Here’s how happy people spend the last 30 minutes of the day:

They find quiet.

It’s hard to be happy when the noise of the world is constantly demanding our attention. The happiest people end their day finding quiet to contemplate their experiences and their life. They recognize the importance of quieting the world around them to put challenges into perspective, forgive themselves of the mistakes they made, vow to do better tomorrow, and reignite their creativity, curiosity and love of life.

They plan for tomorrow.

Keeping a to-do list in our heads keeps our mind on what we need to do instead on the accomplishments we achieved. It’s important to recognize our progress, make adjustments when necessary, pay attention to what is happening in the moment and keep growing and evolving to be happy. We can’t do that when we are worrying about what’s on the agenda for tomorrow. Instead of worrying about it, create your agenda and then let it go until morning.

They visit their affirmations.

Happy people have a clear picture of the things that make them happy. They are also on a constant quest for growth and improvement and do not take their happiness for granted. Part of this process is to create affirmations that support them in their growth. They make a point to end their day visiting these affirmations to keep them focused on their goals.

They disconnect and then reconnect.

Happy people spend the last part of their day disconnecting from their office by setting their phone to do not disturb, shutting down their computer and turning off the television. They disconnect so they can fully connect to the people that matter most to them.

Happy people know that it’s the people that influence them that make them happy. They protect them and honor their relationships by being present. Because nothing says love quite as much as being the center of someone’s attention.

They follow a personal routine.

Happy people take care of themselves doing the mundane and routine things that prepare us for bedtime. Personal hygiene is important to our overall health, and we can’t be happy if you aren’t healthy. We just can’t. So wash, brush, floss and gargle yourself towards happiness.

They take time to reflect in a journal.

Happy people know that life is full challenges, and they do not allow those challenges to affect their overall happiness. One way they do that is to journal. Whether it’s journaling about what makes them grateful or writing about their challenges, writing releases the hold the less-than-happy moments have over them. They embrace the freedom of clearing the mind to allow them to learn from their experiences and move on to better things.

They focus on their breath.

We go, go, go all day long, and that kind of schedule eventually will wear us down. Happy people spend the last part of their day finding the time to practice restorative breathing. Whether they do it through meditation, practicing some light yoga or just breathing, they take the time to reconnect with their inner guide. They do this knowing it’s this internal source of wisdom that will get through the challenges of the next day.

They don’t try to stay awake.

Happy people sleep. It’s as simple as that. And not only do they sleep, but they also honor their sleep by getting a full night’s rest, leaving their phone outside of the bedroom, so it’s not interrupted and making bedtime a priority. It’s not a secret; we make smart decisions, are more productive and navigate challenges better when we are well-rested. Happy people take that knowledge and act on it by going to bed.

They do things that make them feel good.

It’s not unusual to get to the end of a busy day and collapse from exhaustion and just fall into bed. Happy people end their days doing things that make them happy. Whether it’s reading a good book, doodling on paper, or taking a walk with their partner, they find a few minutes to do the things that make them feel good because it feeds their soul.

Bottom line, happy people know that the key to staying happy is to do more of the things that make them happy, and it’s always wise to end your day on a happy note.

5 Ways To Spot A Heart Attack Before It Happens

October 2, 2015 by Power of Positivity

As we age, we question our health and how to spot common ailments to prevent serious diseases. One of the most common concerns is heart health. We all know someone with a heart attack that might not fit the “typical” profile. They might be young and in excellent health, so to hear of them having a heart attack is scary. If it can happen to them, then surely it can happen to us, right?

We get a daily bombardment of advertising, infomercials, and more, all telling us about healthy living and protecting our hearts. They tell us that we should get more exercise, eat more greens and less junk, drink less, don’t smoke, and reduce our stress levels. We’ve heard it all before. And while it sounds good in theory, we often let the warnings fall by the wayside.

We’ve all seen the ‘movie’ version or the ‘classic’ heart attack signs: a person gets pain in their chest and left arm, then they begin sweating and calling out for help or “my pills.” This mental image can be deceiving as it might imply to many people that it’s all there is to it when it’s not the case. There are signs that we should be paying attention to spot a heart attack before it happens.

Here are five ways to spot a heart attack before it happens:

1. We aren’t taking care of ourselves the way we should.

Let’s face it. We can do better. We can eat better, exercise more, and sleep longer. Not taking care of ourselves is just asking for trouble. Of course, this is a very vague warning sign, but one that should be heeded. Being overweight and out of shape is a warning sign for future health problems.

2. Unexplained Fatigue.

You should be concerned when fatigue comes upon you for no apparent reason, or you become excessively tired during daily activities. Something is going on with your body, and you need to find out what it is. It is more common for this to affect women than men, but men should not ignore such warnings either. If the fatigue is heart-related, it’s caused by increased stress on the heart. This stress causes an inefficiency in the heart’s overall function and, therefore, leads to symptoms elsewhere in the body – sometimes odd symptoms that, taken on their own, may seem to add up to nothing.

3. Shortness of breath.

Like fatigue, the increased stress on the heart causes inefficiency and leads to seemingly unrelated symptoms, like shortness of breath. If the heart cannot supply the body with as much blood as it needs to function normally, it follows that the body’s cells are also not receiving sufficient oxygen that would have been carried in the blood.

4. Nausea, Vomiting, or Indigestion.

You have probably heard that there are people who mistake indigestion for a heart attack; and those who mistake a heart attack for indigestion. How can you determine the difference? Be familiar with your body’s typical response and your family history.

In many cases, most foods we eat do not lead to indigestion, and most people do not typically suffer from indigestion, having no history of it. Most of us are well aware of the foods that are likely to bring on indigestion or heartburn in us and usually avoid them. That means sudden, unexpected indigestion may be a warning sign of something more serious. This is particularly true if the indigestion is combined with any other symptoms.

5. A rapid or irregular heartbeat.

If your heart’s ability to function is impaired, it will naturally try to work harder to compensate for the shortfall. This increased effort shows itself as an irregular or rapid heartbeat.

Many causes of a rapid heartbeat include exertion from sports and physical activities, stress, and anxiety. In most cases, though, the heartbeat returns to normal once the person relaxes. When your heart rate doesn’t return to normal when at rest, it can be a sign your heart may not be functioning properly, and you should seek help immediately.

Final Thoughts on Spotting a Heart Attack Before It Happens

Sometimes, we’re afraid to ask for help. We don’t want to be a bother or an inconvenience. But those who love you want to help you, so don’t be afraid to ask for support. Take preemptive measures and get into shape. Your health is too precious to risk.

Take note of the warning signs and pay attention to your general health and well-being. If you experience one or more of these symptoms, seek medical attention. You may just be told it’s nothing. But you’ll never regret finding out. Imagine the alternative!

5 Signs You’re In the Wrong Relationship

October 2, 2015 by Power of Positivity

Many people know what it takes to maintain balanced, happy relationships in life: love, trust, compassion, compromise, laughter, a deep connection, and respect, to name a few. However, many of us don’t recognize unhealthy relationships, even if we happen to be in one.

To cultivate supportive, healthy relationships in life, you have to find out what you don’t want, and sometimes that involves being in the wrong relationship. Here’s how to tell:

5 Telling Signs You’re In the Wrong Relationship

1. You aren’t comfortable spending time apart

In the beginning of a relationship, you naturally want to spend as much time with the person as possible since everything about it feels fresh and new, and you absolutely love the person you’re with. Of course, you still feel the same about your guy or girl after a few months, but you might occasionally crave some time away from them to continue your own personal growth.

While your partner should be a huge part of your life, it’s important to ensure they’re not the only part of your life. Research shows that once a relationship becomes stagnant, people start to forget why they’re in the relationship and look for a way out so they can feel that initial spark again with someone new. To avoid this, hanging out with friends or spending time alone is important in keeping the spark alive in the relationship and growing evenly during time spent apart.

If this time apart doesn’t feel comfortable, there is an underlying trust issue, and since trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, you may want to reassess your relationship.

2. You don’t understand how to make the other feel truly loved.

We all have different preferences when it comes to receiving love. In the wrong relationship, one or both partners fail to understand the needs of the other. If you want to care for them in the best way possible but don’t know how to remember that something as small as a cup of coffee in the morning or a warm dinner at night can be just the right touch to fixing a wronged relationship. This is effectively done through the right communication. You don’t expect the other to read your mind. You learn, get to know your partner, and act in a way that makes them fall in love with you even more.

3. Living in the past.

Focusing on the wrongdoings and mistakes that people in your past made will only make you feel negative about your current relationship. Let go and leave those relationships where they belong – in the past! Fixating on prior pain will only cause more to appear…what you resist persists.

4. Someone in the relationship withholds the truth.

When asked about the most important quality a person can possess, most people quickly say “trust.” If two people don’t have that, the foundation of the relationship will quickly crumble once the truth finally comes to the surface. Healthy relationships require two people committed to sharing their darkest secrets and most authentic self no matter what.

5. You can’t handle relationship problems effectively.

In both relationships and life, problems inevitably happen, and knowing how to deal with them and find solutions together can strengthen your relationship – and keep it running smoothly. If you or your partner are having a hard time tackling problems as a team and talking things through to solve the problem, it may mean that there’s a happier and longer-lasting relationship elsewhere.

A couple married for 75 years said that communication is the key to making a relationship work long-term, even if that means arguing to solve a problem. Whatever your style of problem-solving may be, if you are your partner and can resolve things quickly and easily without too much conflict, chances are you can make things work in the future. According to Dr. Preston Ni, “Successful couples have the ability to solve problems and let [them] go.”

If you and your partner have similar problem-solving strategies, you can get through the trials in life just as well as the triumphs. Don’t give up right away, but give it some time to see if you can learn to deal with problems as a team.

6 Ways to Wake up Easier When You’re Not A Morning Person

October 1, 2015 by Power of Positivity

Many people have to wake up early for work anyway, but how often do you hit the snooze button to catch an extra 15 minutes of shut eye? Probably more than you’d like to admit.

Getting some extra sleep every now and then actually does a body and mind good, but when you sleep in every day of the week, it can set your whole day off on the wrong note, making you feel rushed as you try to get ready for work or school. If you want to wake up easier and earlier to avoid being pressed for time, you just need to make a few simple changes.

Here are 6 tricks to help you wake up easier:

1. Set your alarm just one minute earlier each morning.

You can’t expect to wake up at 5AM tomorrow if you’ve been getting up at 8AM every single day of your life. Don’t set yourself up to fail; instead, set your alarm for just one minute earlier each day. This way, you can still achieve your goal, but it will seem much more attainable since you have small milestones set for yourself. After one month, you will be waking up 30 minutes earlier than before! And after two months, it will be an hour earlier, and so on. New habits take time to form, so don’t rush yourself; remember, slow and steady wins the race.

2. Remember your “why”.

It comes as no surprise that many successful people ease their way into waking up early so they can have more time to work on their goals. If you want it to become easier to wake up in the morning, you need to have something that drives you, motivates you, and inspires you. If you have a passion for something in life, you won’t want to sleep in. You’ll have the ambition and true desire to wake up so you can work on that dream for as long as possible, and it won’t even feel like work. Go deep within and figure out what makes you feel alive, and then work on that every single day. Then, waking up won’t seem like such a dreadful and impossible task.

3. Have early morning coffee dates with friends.

Everyone enjoys catching up with friends, so what better way to do that than over a nice, steaming cup of joe first thing in the morning? Forget about Folgers; make it a fun date with friends having coffee that actually tastes good. You’ll feel more motivated for your day after going out of your way to get up early to see them, plus the coffee will kickstart your day. You could make it a once a week type of thing, and call it “The Early Risers Club,” or something like that. Make waking up earlier fun, so it won’t seem like such a chore.

4. Adjust your environment to soften your mornings.

Is it cold in your house when you get up? Lay out a robe and slippers in a chair near your bed so you can feel cozy when you get up. Do you have to wait on your coffee in the mornings? Make it the night before and set a timer so it’s ready when you wake up. Also, set your alarm to something that will get you moving, like a radio station that plays upbeat songs so that waking up earlier will be enjoyable for you.

5. Sign up for an early morning gym or yoga class.

What better way to start your day than to get your sweat on and your body moving? Maybe a workout session first thing in the morning doesn’t sound like an ideal wake up call, but you will feel amazing afterwards, and totally energized for your day. Make it a class you really love, like Zumba or Restorative Yoga. Go to classes that fit your workout style and needs, and you won’t want to miss it, even if it’s at the crack of dawn.

6. Reward yourself for your wake-up goals.

Every day you wake up earlier, treat yourself to something small. It doesn’t have to be food, either; it could be an inexpensive decoration for your house, a new essential oil or bath soap, or just anything that makes you feel good. If you work toward a goal, you deserve to be rewarded for your accomplishments.

7 Things To Do (And Avoid) When Things Go Wrong

October 1, 2015 by Power of Positivity

You know those days when everything seems to go wrong, and nothing seems right? We’ve all had them, but sometimes, knowing how to deal with them without having a heart attack seems impossible. We want to sort out the problems and find solutions, but when that doesn’t happen as quickly as we’d like, we sometimes panic, take out our anger on someone else, or just run away from our problems. However, none of these methods will really make the day any better; they will simply add to your mounting stress. If you really want to keep a level head when things go wrong and learn to deal with problems rationally and thoughtfully, you just need to keep a few tips handy.

“Sometimes things have to go wrong. That’s life. And you have to stay strong, to survive.” –Mouloud Benzadi

Here are seven things to do (and avoid) when things go wrong:

1. Express your problems, but don’t lose your temper when things go wrong.

When everything comes crashing down in our lives, we usually turn to friends and family for support. However, just because these people love you unconditionally does not mean you can take advantage of that and expect them to take all the heat. They will probably endure your wrath, but that doesn’t mean they should. Try to take a few minutes to catch your breath and calm down, so you can explain the issues clearly without letting your anger control you.

2. Talk to your friends, but don’t drag them into your own fire.

You should always go to your loved ones for some guidance, but don’t bring them down if you have a bad day. Bring up the issues, allow them to express their thoughts, and then move on to other conversations. They might also have some issues to talk about, so remember that everyone, not just you, struggles with something in life. You can always rise above the problems by having a positive mindset and believing in yourself to get through it. Your friends can help you get back on your feet, but remember that at the end of the day, you will ultimately have to put out the fire yourself.

3. Get opinions on solutions, but don’t let others decide for you.

People just love to meddle in other’s lives and offer advice; in some ways, it should make us feel good since they care about us, but at other times, it seems like they’re overstepping their bounds. Let other people try to help you out, but don’t allow them to take the wheel and steer totally. You get the final say on what will happen in your life, so just remember that the next time people try to decide things for you.

4. Try to solve the problems, but don’t beat yourself when things go wrong.

Sometimes, as much as we try to conquer a problem, it can’t be solved. That doesn’t mean we won’t ever get an answer, but maybe we just need to distance ourselves from the issues and let them work themselves out for a while. You can’t solve every problem in the world, so don’t try. Focus on the things you know without a doubt you can change, and don’t worry yourself with problems you can’t change.

5. Meet the issues head-on, but don’t sit and dwell on them forever.

You should definitely confront the problems in your life head-on, but if they continue to linger, you can’t just let them take over your life. Trust that the universe will work things out for you, and if you’ve done all you can to sort out a problem, let it be for a while. Focus on everything you do in life well, and those areas of your life will outshine the times when things go wrong. Dwelling on problems doesn’t make them go away; it just makes them seem worse than they really are.

6. Give yourself space from the problem to figure things out, but don’t run from it.

Sometimes, we just need to distance ourselves from the problems to get real answers. Go on a camping trip, drive out into the country, or just find some quiet space in your home or workspace so you can try to sort through the mess. We can find any answers we need when we quiet our minds and go into our hearts, even if it initially seems elusive and pointless. However, going within doesn’t mean we try to escape from our problems by just listening to our inner voice and not getting out there to conquer the problems. Don’t run from your problems; rather, distance yourself for periods of time to decompress and rebalance your energies. You will feel much more prepared and resilient when you confront your problems when things go wrong.

7. Take things seriously when things go wrong, but don’t forget to have fun.

Just because this journey is temporary doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take some things seriously. For example, if you need car repairs or someone steals your credit cards, you need to take action immediately. However, you shouldn’t let your problems totally rule your life. After tackling some of the day’s problems, go out and do something you truly enjoy. Act like a kid again – buy a coloring book, play with sidewalk chalk, watch a children’s movie, or just do something that takes you away from adult responsibilities for a while. After all, being human is about letting go and giving into your inner child sometimes; growing up doesn’t have to kill your spirit totally.

5 Signs Someone Is Trying to Steal Your Energy

October 1, 2015 by Power of Positivity

There are many people out there who literally feed off the energies of those around them, attaching to a host and attempting to emotionally suck the person dry. Then, the cycle continues, as the “energy vampire” survives off of other people’s emotions. Now you know why happy, vibrant people can sometimes attract those with self-serving motives: people who try to steal others’ energy live from such a low vibrational state that they must turn to people with high energetic levels to survive.

In today’s society, you have likely encountered people like this numerous times without even knowing it. When the person supplying the energy does comes into full realization of the situation at hand, they will usually either ignore the person or let them go.

The hard part is seeing the signs of someone who is trying to steal your energy. Here’s how you can tell

5 Signs Someone Is Trying to Steal Your Energy

1. Someone trying to steal your energy will try to drag you down to their level

Not every psychic vampire steals other people’s energy knowingly or maliciously; maybe they just need a little guidance and support along their journey. In a short excerpt from Dr. Judith Orloff’s New York Times Bestseller, “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life,” she says,

“Some are overbearing and obnoxious; others are friendly and charming. For example, you’re at a party talking to a perfectly nice person, but suddenly you’re nauseous or weak. Or how about the co-worker who drones on about how she broke up with her boyfriend for the tenth time? Eventually, she feels better, but you’re spent. The bottom line is that on a subtle energy level these people suck you dry.”

For these types of people, often called “poor me” types, you could easily change the subject or offer a few positive words about her relationship. This type of energy vampire usually doesn’t have underlying intentions, but may just need some assistance in getting back on a path toward uplifting their own energy. We all need help from time to time, so don’t automatically dismiss those who exude negative vibes. They may have just had a bad day, and need someone to talk to. As long as you can reach within and easily access your own positivity, this person’s energy should not affect you psychically.

2. They greet you in a great mood, then flip the switch

Sometimes when coming into contact with someone who is trying to steal your energy, they’ll initially greet you with joy, as if you’re the person they’ve been waiting to see all day. Once they know they have you in their territory, they flip the switch and leave you blanketed by the overwhelming amounts of negative energy they give off. It can feel suffocating, but you can always find a way to keep them from getting away with stealing your energy.

Simply smiling at someone who is overwhelmingly negative can carries can actually help flood them with positive energy. Think of how you feel when a stranger smiles at you on the street or in the grocery store; you instantly feel happier, right? Well, it works in the same fashion when you pass the smile on to others; ripples create waves, so make sure to keep the positive energy flowing by giving away your own happiness to others!

This doesn’t mean to let others walk all over you and deplete your energy stores, but just give off good vibes so that others may benefit from them, and even start to use these tools to enrich their own lives.

3. They try to make you feel bad for them.

People who try to steal positive energy from others can often display a self-pitying behavior without making any indication that they want to take responsibility for their own energy. In this case, you will need to contemplate letting the person go. Even if it’s a close friend or family member, you cannot have a healthy relationship with someone who refuses to take control of their life and at least work on becoming a more positive, independent person.

Don’t feel guilty for wanting to leave an unhealthy relationship; sometimes, no other options are available, and you can’t carry their burdens on your shoulders forever. Allowing the behavior to continue only enables them to keep functioning as a victim, but cutting ties with them will force them to find strength within to both uplift themselves and others.

You will be doing them a favor, so try not to feel too much remorse, especially if you’re an empath.

4. They make problems bigger than they really are.

People who try to steal your energy will often overreact to the smaller, less important things in life, simply to feed off of the strong emotional response that comes with their reaction. If the barista at the coffee shop made a hazelnut latte instead of a white chocolate mocha, they are the type that will act as if their day is ruined.

Instead of letting them overreact, be sure to make the optimistic view apparent and remind them that this whole human experience naturally comes with imperfections and disorder, because life is simply an experiment. We all came here to learn and grow, and that involves failing, making mistakes, and adjusting to whatever happens.

5. They try to make you focus on the negative

Someone who is trying to steal your energy not only wants to fuel themselves with it, but they also want to make sure that you don’t have any left over for yourself. They will consistently try to make you see the sour side of things, fill your head with doubt, and make you feel like you aren’t good enough to receive the positive energy you deserve.

Any time someone is trying to steal your energy by making you focus on the negative, immediately do something else to take your mind off of it. This shows great accountability and self-respect for your own well-being, and clearly tells the person trying to drain you that their presence is no longer welcome.

How To Achieve Your Dreams in Four Steps

September 30, 2015 by Power of Positivity

In life, we all want to achieve our dreams, but many of us have no idea how to transform those visions into reality. Many self-help books and online articles will tell you to envision your idea first and believe in it so much that it has no choice but to manifest before your eyes. However, at some point, achieving your dreams comes down to how much dedication and perseverance you have in actualizing those goals. How badly do you want it?

Many books out there mislead people and have them believe that they need to do all these rituals and following certain practices in order to achieve results. However, if you want real ways to reach your goals without wasting valuable time following guidelines that may or may not work, take the advice of Gabriele Oettingen, New York University psychologist.

On the “Psychology Podcast,” started by cognitive psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman, Gabriele revealed a four-step plan she came up with after years of intensive research, proven to steer people in the right direction with achieving their dreams.

Of course, you do need to believe in yourself and think positively in order to see your dreams become a reality, but spending too much time trying to correct your thinking patterns could actually deter you from achieving your dreams. On the weekly podcast, Oettingen explained her four-step plan to Kaufman in detail, and it comes down to this motivational acronym: WOOP.

The Four Step Plan To Achieving Your Dreams:

Wish:

This part includes the visualization necessary for achieving your dreams. What is it that you want? You need to have this clearly defined in your head, and you could even write it down if that makes things easier for you. The idea isn’t to have the most grandiose wish in the world, but you can if you want; the main idea is to simply have something to work towards, no matter how small it may seem. Your wish can range from something relatively small, like waking up 15 minutes earlier the next day, to a big dream like buying a three-story house next year.

Whatever your dream is, make sure you really want it in your heart, and hold it there.

Outcome:

After you think about what you want, visualize how you’ll feel if your dreams come true. What will the outcome be if you do achieve your dreams?

“Very often, it is a feeling,” Oettingen said. “You define that outcome, and you imagine that outcome. And once you’ve imagined the outcome, really immerse yourself in these daydreams.”

This part does require some positive thinking, but you will use this step to carry you through the next ones. The key to achieving your dreams is to not just stop at the dreaming part; you have to put in the hard work to watch those dreams come to life.

Obstacles:

This step probably won’t seem that enjoyable, but it’s necessary if you want to go through the whole process of achieving your dreams. If you simply stop at daydreaming, you won’t ever have the tools you need to achieve your dreams, because following them requires both unshakable faith and dedicated action. However, many people have something inside them that bars them from achieving their wildest dreams.

After you let that feeling of accomplishment wash over you while visualizing what it would feel like to actually achieve your dreams, think about the realistic obstacles you face that keep you from those goals.

“Then you say, What is it in me that holds me back from experiencing that wish, that outcome? ” Oettingen said. “Very often it’s an emotion, it’s those same old habits. … And you imagine that obstacle.”

Plan:

Finally, you need to have action plans for each of those obstacles. Make a list of all the possible roadblocks you will face in achieving your dreams, and come up with solutions for each of them.

“Once you’ve imagined that obstacle,” Oettingen said, “you’ll understand what you need to do to overcome it.”

Sound too simple to be true? The research Oettingen has done thus far has helped people do everything from eat healthier foods to feeling more secure and confident in their romantic relationships. If you’d like to read more about her methods and research, click the link in the previous sentence for more in-depth information.

Also, remember to practice patience when trying to achieve your dreams. All the small steps you take will amount to big ones, in the end, so just make lists each day of the things you need to accomplish in order to reach your goals, and go after them! Don’t let anything, especially your own mind, hold you back from your destiny.

3 Behaviors That Ruin Relationships

September 30, 2015 by Power of Positivity

From the moment you are brought into the world, you develop relationships – with your parents, siblings, near and distant relatives, students, spouse, friends, co-workers… the list goes on. Something else that we all have in common. We want to have healthy and happy connections with others (and we all have the capacity to ruin relationships). In order to create these positive relationships, there are certain behaviors we must learn to stay away from. Three of these behaviors in particular if left unchecked can ruin your relationships. They can also have a very strong impact on the number of connections formed in the future.

Here are 3 behaviors that ruin relationships:

Withdrawal from communication (and/or emotional unavailability)

Effective communication is essential in any healthy relationship. Being open, honest, and willing to discuss your thoughts, feelings, and desires with your spouse is required. When people hold secrets or avoid genuine interactions, they create a barrier that inhibits the connection from growing and flourishing. This might result in sentiments of distrust, animosity, and disconnect.

It is essential to be able to handle difficult conversations in a calm and sensible manner in order to create and maintain a good relationship. This includes the ability to express yourself without resorting to name-calling or yelling at one another. It also entails being able to listen to your partner’s point of view while accepting responsibility for your own behaviors.

It is critical to be open and honest with your spouse in order to establish successful communication and trust in your relationship. This entails being open to sharing your thoughts, feelings, and needs, even if they are difficult to articulate. It also entails being willing to listen to your partner’s point of view and collaborate to solve any problems that may occur.

To summarize, healthy relationships necessitate open and honest communication. When people conceal secrets, avoid uncomfortable talks, and refuse to admit when someone has done or said something that has upset them, it can lead to mistrust, animosity, and detachment. It is critical to establish trust and excellent communication in order to avoid hurting the relationship.

This can be achieved by being open and honest with your partner, and by being willing to listen and work together to find solutions.

Comparing the relationship to the relationships of others

Comparing yourself to others, whether the Joneses, Kardashians or anybody else, can harm your relationships. When we compare ourselves to others, it might make us feel inadequate or as if our ties with others are insufficient. In our relationships, this can lead to emotions of lack, inadequacy, and discontent. It can also foster an unhealthy dynamic in which we are always striving for something greater rather than appreciating the beauty of our current relationships.

To prevent potentially destroying your relationships by comparing yourself to others, keep in mind that each scenario is unique and individual. It’s normal for your relationship with a friend or partner to differ from your relationship of another person.

Instead of always wishing for something you don’t have, it’s crucial to accept your relationship for what it is and to focus on its strengths and positive qualities.

It’s also vital to understand that other people’s relationships and lives aren’t always as great as they appear on social media or in the media. People tend to exhibit only the best aspects of their lives, and it’s easy to compare your own life and relationships to an edited and curated version of someone else’s.

In conclusion, keeping up with the Joneses or the Kardashians might be detrimental to your relationships. It can cause emotions of lack and inadequacy, as well as make you want for something you don’t have.

To avoid potentially destroying your relationships, keep in mind that each scenario is unique and unusual, and cherish the beauty of your current relationships. Furthermore, it is critical to know that other people’s relationships and lives are not always as great as they appear and to refrain from comparing yourself to them.

Holding on to grudges and resentments

“For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

When someone offends us, especially someone we love, it can be excruciatingly painful and leave us feeling as if we will never be able to forgive them. Holding grudges and unresolved issues, on the other hand, might lead to the notion that people cannot be trusted. This is harmful to both ourselves and our relationships.

Forgiveness is an essential component of any healthy relationship. It enables us to go forward in a positive manner by allowing us to let go of the grief and hurt created by the offense. It’s critical to understand that forgiving someone does not imply overlooking their offense or making excuses for their behavior. It is all about letting go of the bad feelings and resentments that might affect ourselves and our relationships.

Forgiving someone might also be good for our emotional health. Holding on to anger and resentment can be emotionally taxing, leading to tension and discontent. We can let go of bad emotions and achieve peace and closure by forgiving someone.

Furthermore, forgiving is crucial because it opens our hearts and brains to trusting others. When we retain grudges and resentments against people, it can be difficult to trust them and develop healthy relationships. Forgiveness enables us to move past the transgression and develop better, more trusting connections. It can be tough to forgive someone who has hurt us. Holding grudges and unresolved issues, on the other hand, might lead to the notion that people cannot be trusted. Forgiving someone is vital because it allows us to let go of the grief and hurt caused by the transgression, improves our mental health, and allows us to open our hearts and minds to trust others.

Final Thoughts on Behaviors That Ruin Relationships

Some of the practices that might harm relationships include keeping secrets, removing oneself from genuine interactions, and comparing oneself to others. Effective communication, trust, and forgiveness, on the other hand, are essential components of any healthy relationship. Being open, honest, and eager to discuss your ideas, feelings, and desires with your spouse is one of these characteristics. Furthermore, the ability to have difficult conversations in a calm and sensible manner, accept responsibility for your own acts, and let go of grudges and resentments are vital for maintaining strong relationships. If you want to keep your close relationships healthy, you should aim to foster these habits in them.

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