From the moment you are brought into the world, you develop relationships – with your parents, siblings, near and distant relatives, students, spouse, friends, co-workers… the list goes on. Something else that we all have in common – we want to have healthy and happy relationships (and we all have the capacity to ruin relationships).
In order to create these positive relationships, there are certain behaviors we must learn to stay away from. Three of these behaviors in particular if left unchecked, can ruin your relationships. They can also have a very strong impact on the amount of relationships formed in the future.
Here are 3 behaviors that ruin relationships:
Withdrawal from communication (and/or emotional unavailability)
Realizing that all relationships require honest, uninhibited communication; relationships don’t last very long if there is an ongoing behavior pattern of keeping secrets and being closed off from having real conversations. Relationships can quickly take a turn for the worse if people start distancing themselves, and won’t admit when the other person did or said something to upset them.
People can be rational when confronting someone, and have a mature conversation that doesn’t end in name-calling and yelling at one another. A healthy relationship is built on trust and effective communication, so strive to cultivate these in all of your close relationships if you want to avoid damaging it.
Comparing the relationship to the relationships of others
Keeping up with the Joneses, Kardashians, or any other people and their relationships is something that can always keep you feeling from a place of lack. Feeling like your relationship is never enough is just enough to send your relationship reeling.
To try an avoidance of potentially ruining your relationship, remember that every relationship is unique and special; your relationship with your friend will look different than someone else’s relationship, so appreciate it for what it is. You will be hard-pressed to find positive relationships if you always wish for something you don’t have instead of honoring the beautiful relationships you already have.
Holding on to grudges
“For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
When someone has offended you – especially in a relationship, it can hurt you to your core, and feel like it’s something you could never forgive them for. While not realized at first, having unresolved problems and holding onto the grudges you have with someone else can lead to the misplaced conception that people cannot be trusted. Don’t undeservingly do this to yourself or anyone else.
Forgiving someone is much easier than living with disdain or hate in your heart. It is as much, if not more, about your mental wellbeing than it is about disregarding someone’s affront, however severe it may be. Forgiveness is important because it opens your heart and mind to placing trust in others.