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5 Signs He Is Not The One For You

April 24, 2016 by Power of Positivity

You haven’t made up your mind yet, and the uncertainty makes you wonder if maybe he is not ‘The One’ for you. In this article, we will look at five deal-breakers that could be the reason you haven’t committed yet.

Your man is probably looking for someone attractive, healthy, intelligent, kind, honest, has a sense of humor, is dependable, and someone who has good communication skills. These were the traits that most men and women looked for in a study of over 200,000 men and women.

Researchers also say that heterosexual men and women ranked religion, fondness for children, and parenting abilities higher than homosexual men or women. They also say that the biological drive to have children leads men and women to search for an attractive, young, and healthy partner.

We mention this here because your search for the guy who is ‘The One’ may be very different if you have a specific goal, like raising a family.

5 Signs He Is Not “The One” For You

1. He’s not The One for you if he hasn’t finished growing up yet

Selfishness, being an egomaniac, outdated values, and jealousy are just a few of the psychological problems he might still be dealing with. Most adults mature and learn lessons about these negative personality traits because society disapproves of childish behavior.

If your man is still learning what it means to be an emotionally mature person, he may require too much retraining to make it worth your time. It IS still possible that he is The One, but it may involve a little change on your part. Keep reading to the end of the article.

2. He’s not The One for you if the future is all about him

Do your goals, dreams, and ambitions all take second place to his? Traditionally, the higher income earner makes decisions in a partnership, but that doesn’t mean you have to be second.

Ask your man to give you a voice in the decision-making process. If he doesn’t want to share the power to control your future, feel free to let him know that he’s not The One for you.

3. He’s not The One for you if he doesn’t understand emotions

We understand that there is immense cultural pressure for men to be tough and not show emotions, but The One for you needs to be able to express his deep love and connection with you.

4. He’s not The One for you if he shuts down communication

Another cultural guy trait is not being able to talk through problems. Your man can jump into action when you need him, but if you ask him to explain why he chose to spend $6000 on Superbowl tickets, he gets defensive and shuts down – or worse – he justifies his purchase based on how much you spend on your work clothes.

Communication is so essential for a lasting, long-term relationship, which is what you are hoping for with The One. Talking is how couples express their needs, make sure their needs are met, and make sure that they feel supported emotionally, mentally, and sexually.

5. He’s not The One for you if he’s broken your trust

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Unfortunately, if your man has broken your trust in the past, he is more likely to do it again. You can live with that uncertainty in your lives forever because, let’s face it, ‘The One’ is your forever mate.

Unfortunately, the stereotype of promiscuity for men is true. Researchers say ‘Men may possess three adaptations that make it seem as though they are generally more ‘oriented’ toward short-term mating than women: (1) Men possess greater desire for short-term sexual relationships than women; (2) Men prefer larger numbers of sexual partners over time than women; and (3) Men require less time before consenting to sex than women.’ This doesn’t mean your man can’t commit, but you should be aware of his tendencies.

If you feel secure that your man has changed his behavior for good, or you’ve decided to live with the possibility that he could hurt you again, he could still be your One. If you aren’t ready to forgive and trust him going forward, let him know that he is not The One for you.

Don’t despair if all signs point to ditching this man and moving on to the next One. People CAN change their behavior; sometimes, a licensed counselor can help unlearn old habits. On the other hand, adjusting your attitude toward your partner’s perceived ‘faults’ is all it takes from feeling that he isn’t The One to feeling like he is.

What Are the Signs to Know When You Do Find The One?

There are several signs that someone has found “the one,” including the following:

A strong and effortless connection: They feel comfortable, relaxed, and at ease in each other’s company.
Mutual respect and support: They support each other’s goals and aspirations and deeply respect each other’s opinions and decisions.
Similar values and interests: They share common values and interests and enjoy spending time together doing things they love.
Good communication: They are open and honest with each other and can effectively communicate their feelings, thoughts, and needs.
A sense of security: They feel secure in their relationship and trust each other completely.
Shared plans for the future: They have a shared vision for their future together and are excited about the life they will build together.

Final Thoughts on the Search for The One

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience of finding “the one” is unique, and these signs may vary from person to person. Ultimately, finding “the one” is a feeling of deep contentment, happiness in a relationship, and a sense that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You might make a few missteps along the way, which is okay. Indeed, it will make you appreciate your true soul mate better once you meet that person.

5 Things To Remember If Your Partner Ends Your Relationship

April 24, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Whenever a relationship ends, you may experience loss, blame, and despair. During these difficult moments, you encounter tremendous vulnerability and shame. This is followed by resentment and anger. No matter how excruciating the moments get, please remember your greatness.

Here are five things to remind yourself if your partner ends the relationship:

1. The pain from a breakup is real.

Scientists at Columbia University in Manhattan, NY, have researched the brain of college students after a break-up using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). These findings have shown that when the participant is shown a picture of their ex-partner, the brain lights up just as it would through the exposure of physical pain.

You are not imagining the hurt and destitution. And, just like any physical ailment, it takes time to heal. Your heart and your mind will recover. An unexpected breakup is distressing. The mind and body will need time to truly re-adjust to all the events surrounding them. Time is the best healer but does not put limitations and expectations on it. The worst thing you can do is rush the healing process.

2. You are worthy.

After a breakup, we are left wondering, “What did I do? Was I not good enough?” Thoughts begin to create around your self-worth. You are worth more than a relationship ending. A lot of times it isn’t about what you did or didn’t do. Personalities clash. Relationships are powerful lessons and experiences. Instead of asking negative questions that bring your self-esteem down, why not ask, “What did I learn from this person?”

Focus on the good. You will carry the memories of your relationship with you onto other unions. Don’t allow what one person reflected on your emotional body to become the foundation for another relationship.

3. You get to push a restart button.

Your world has just crashed. It’s been hard. You were blindsided. Step back and realize that this is a wonderful opportunity to start fresh. You don’t want to chase after someone who doesn’t recognize your vastness and greatness. You want to flourish and be happy. Make a list of things you have wanted to do but your partner did not. Go explore those parts that bring you joy.

When we are in relationships we forget to take care of ourselves. We are too busy trying to make sure the other person is happy. You are responsible for yourself. This is a wonderful time to redecorate your bedroom. Get a haircut. Start taking a painting class. You have the time to do those things that are on your bucket list. Don’t put them off any longer.

4. Stop trying to substitute the loss.

The devastation from heartache is profound. Do not reach for something to fill the space or the hurt. This is detrimental to your healing. You cannot heal when you immediately fall into another relationship. That cookie or bottles of booze won’t heal the ache either.

Therapy is a beautiful tool for allowing emotions to come through in a productive manner. Meditation, yoga, and hiking are examples of positive venues for those times when it’s too much to sit alone in the dark thoughts of sorrow. Start a gratitude journal. Each day writes down three things that have made you happy. Readjust the focus on something other than the finality of a relationship. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel.

5. Love yourself and the world will see your greatness.

You know all that love you poured into that relationship? You know the way you prepared a meal with such gratitude? Why not do the same for yourself? When you begin to give yourself that kind of love and attention the world opens up to you saluting your magnificent nature. You are the best candidate for love and know yourself better than anyone. You have created a world around you and just because someone walked out of it doesn’t mean that the world ends. Self-love is not selfish. Loving yourself is the most healing source of energy you will ever have.

Breakups, divorces, and even the loss from death are life-changing experiences in our lives. Mourn properly. Allow time to heal those parts of yourself that feel shattered and broken. Make the time and space to love yourself and connect to nature. Your physical, emotional, and spiritual bodies will be glad you gave yourself the love that you so righteously deserve. Reach out to friends and family. You are not alone in this.

“One of the best times for figuring out who you are & what you really want out of life? Right after a break-up.”~ Mandy Hale

10 Signs Of A Scarcity Mindset

April 23, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Most people have been taught from early on that having money and abundance of any kind is a subject of fairy tales. They have been programmed to believe that there is only a certain amount of things they can reach. In Stephen Covey’s words, from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “The Scarcity Mentality is the zero-sum paradigm of life. People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or profit — even with those who help in the production. They also have a very hard time being genuinely happy for the success of other people.”

Here are 10 signs that you have a scarcity mindset:

1. It’s difficult to be happy for those who succeed around you.

The scarcity mindset doesn’t allow anyone to be happy for those who get a promotion at work, buy a new house, publish a book or anything that doesn’t involve them. The ego dictates the shots.

2. You are constantly comparing your worth to others.

You must “keep up with the Joneses.” Your self-worth and self-esteem are based on the comparisons of those around you. When you cannot keep up it becomes a struggle to keep going. Materialism determines your merits, virtues, and significance in the world.

3. You feel that when others acquire things, you have a less chance of acquiring those things.

You believe that there is a limited amount of things out there. Whenever someone reaches and grabs those things, like nice car for example, there is less for you to acquire.

4. On a subconscious level, you like others to fail.

You get happy when others do not accomplish their goals. You become very supportive during their downfall. But secretly, you rejoice in their inability to get what you believe is yours to receive.

5. When you win, you feel like you have conquered over everyone else.

You are no team player. You believe in survivor of the fittest. This type of mentality is narcissistic in its journey to be the very best at everything. They crave the title of success and they don’t care who they have to step on to reach it.

6. You are full of negative reasons why you don’t reach your goals.

The scarcity mindset is an oxymoron paradox. You crave for success but you find every excuse not to acquire it. You are a go-getter when you speak but you find reasons not to follow through with your goal. Then when others reach those goals you enter into victimization mode. How dare they take your success? They are not equipped to have that!

7. You have a difficult time sharing with others.

What is yours is yours and you worked hard to get it! Chauvinism is masterful for this mindset of scarcity. You become a child with selfish tantrums. The mind chit-chats, “I got this on my own. You go get your own.”

8. You are always trying to be in charge.

You truly believe no one else can do the job you do. You’ll be the leader at all costs. You have what it takes and no one else can possibly accomplish these things. This type of mindset does not allow for advice. It will never ask for help even when they need it the most.

9. Success means beating someone else.

You measure life based on fame, accomplishments and victory over anyone else. You get a tremendous high from feeling like you are the very best.

10. You ignore long term goals.

The scarcity mindset does not allow for long term goals. It is set on instant gratification. What can you get right now? How much can I get for this? Today is one thing, and tomorrow might be another because someone you know might just get that promotion that you deserve! You don’t focus on anything that can’t be reached quickly.

The scarcity mindset is not a genetic disposition. It can be changed, like the old saying, “Change your attitude, change your life.” You get to decide how you will survive in this world. Abundance is a state of mind. When you help others you are also aiding in your growth. When you rejoice in another person’s success you are bringing light into your path for success. Greed does not equal success. It’s temporary. When you continue to step over other folks’ toes, eventually you will be left alone. Your success is scarce based on your fears not because someone else has succeeded.

A shift in perception is vital in order to change from a scarcity to an abundance mentality. Your thoughts are your power. They are your own personal genie in the bottle. You can manifest wealth, health, and unlimited joy, or you can continue to determine your worth based on scarcity. There is no limited amount of supplies in this world. You have the ability to change every second of every day. Being vulnerable and accepting help is part of the process. This life is not meant to be spent alone. The joy and grace you give to others is returned with magical gifts.

“Worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress. It happens when we’ve been through too much, and rather than coming together to heal (which requires vulnerability) we’re angry and scared and at each other’s throats.” ~ Brene Brown

5 Lessons To Learn From Being Single

April 23, 2016 by Power of Positivity

While many of us tend to feel happier in a relationship, you shouldn’t look at being single as inherently “bad” or less enjoyable. Even though it can seem lonely and emotionally unsatisfying at times to not have a partner, you can gain many important benefits during your time as a single man or woman. Society seems to push the message that we can only find happiness in another person, however, this is very far from the truth.

Being single doesn’t have to mean loneliness and despair; in fact, you might be surprised to find out that science has proven that some people actually do better single. Whether you fit into this category or not, you can still learn to enjoy and cherish your time without a partner, so that you’ll feel even more ready to dive back into the dating world later.

Here are 5 important lessons to learn from being single:

1. Love isn’t just bound to a relationship.

With the advent of modern movies, advertisements, and mainstream media, we’ve been brainwashed into thinking that love somehow only exists in romantic relationships. Sadly, many people still feel incomplete without someone to call their own, and can’t seem to find love unless they have a significant other. However, love shouldn’t have conditions – it should just exist and become your primary state of being. In other words, you shouldn’t have to have a significant other to recognize the abundance of love in your life.

Being single can teach you to not only find love in other people, places, and things, but find it within yourself, as well. When you cultivate enough self-love, you will then see the reflection of this love in everything and everyone else in the world. Love should be a state of being, not a feeling you can only have in a relationship.

2. You don’t need anyone else to validate your existence.

Being single can also teach you that you and you alone have the responsibility to see value in yourself. You shouldn’t look to anyone else for acceptance or assurance, because if you have to do that, this means you don’t see your own self-worth. Other people can boost your self-esteem or provide support in times of uncertainty, but they shouldn’t replace the value you give to yourself.

As a single man or woman, you can learn how to love and take care of yourself, so that you won’t have to rely on someone else to do this for you.

3. Alone time is recovery time.

Many people in relationships don’t seem to remember how to spend time alone since they spend so much of it with their significant other. However, alone time allows us to recharge, do solitary activities that we enjoy, and cultivate passions and awareness without the presence or input of our partner. When you spend time alone, you have the opportunity for quiet reflection and powerful insights, something that you can’t really get in the presence of someone else.

4. Another person should add value to your life, not be the sole source of your happiness.

Also, your happiness should come from within, not from reliance on someone else to give it to you. Other people should make you feel good and excited to be around them, but you shouldn’t totally rely on them for feelings of safety, happiness, or anything else. Honestly, other people can leave whenever they wish, so depending on them for our sole source of well-being doesn’t sound like too promising of an idea. If you find happiness within yourself, no one can take that away from you.

So, during your time as a single man or woman, you can figure out your likes, dislikes, and what truly makes you happy. You get to discover yourself all over again, and nothing is more exciting than learning how to have a positive relationship with yourself.

5. Being single can provide you with the time to explore your own interests and hobbies.

Finally, being single allows you so much free time to do things you truly enjoy without having to check in with someone else first or see if they want to tag along. You get to be the boss and make your own decisions without the input of someone else, which can be totally liberating. All the time you spent with your significant other trying to decide what to do on the weekend or attempting to agree on a restaurant to eat at will seem quite taxing when you can just get up and do whatever you want on your own. No checking in with someone, no compromising, and no skipping out on things you enjoy just because someone else doesn’t agree.

Simply put, being single allows you the freedom, flexibility, and time to find yourself again, and learn how to truly fall in love with the one person who matters most – you.

Here’s Why Introverts Are The Leaders Of The Future

April 23, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Oftentimes, introverts feel that they must “correct” their personality in order to fit in with an extroverted world. To the introvert, the outside world can seem highly exhausting, overwhelming, and unnecessarily fast-paced. Our livelihood, politics, and how quickly and easily we make friends (among other things) often depend on us at least acting extroverted in order to mark our place in the world.

Introverts often feel like they don’t fit in with the current world where endless self-promotion supersedes quiet reflection. However, introverts certainly have an important role to play in our society, and have a lot of value to add to businesses, friendships, and the way the world will be shaped in the future…

Introverts can sometimes be mistaken for being shy, uncaring, or otherwise uninterested in their surroundings, but their brains are simply wired differently than that of extroverts. Introverts feel most energized alone, whereas extroverts obtain their energy from external sources. Researchers estimate that extroverts make up anywhere between 50-74 percent of the population.

So, what types of things do introverts excel in, and what does this mean for the future? We will explain in further detail below.

Here’s why introverts are the leaders of the future:

1. They have wonderful listening skills.

Introverts care about what other people say (at least, when they talk about highly intelligent, interesting topics), and consider each conversation as an opportunity for learning and stimulation. They don’t just hear what you say – they ask questions to gain understanding, look you in the eye, and make sure you’ve finished what you have to say before responding. They talk less than they listen, but this makes them wonderful leaders, friends, and people in general.

2. They tend to have a greater awareness of their feelings.

Introverts have great intuition, and know their emotions on a deep level. They might cancel plans if they feel too tired or not up for socializing. And to them, that just means they are listening to their inner voice. They don’t apologize for how they feel; they just go with the flow and listen to their emotions.

3. They also empathize with others’ emotions.

In addition to knowing exactly how they feel at all times, introverts can read anyone like an open book. They have an uncanny ability to feel what others feel, and to empathize with them.

4. Introverts don’t feel remorse for taking some “me time.”

Introverts don’t feel sorry for taking time to pamper themselves and make sure their well-being is taken care of. In today’s stressed out, fast-paced world, they know how important “me time” is to the mind, body, and spirit.

5. Introverts know themselves on a deep level.

Introverts gain their energy from being alone, obviously, which gives them plenty of time to know themselves inside and out. They may struggle with self-confidence at times, but at the end of the day, they realize the importance of self-love, and try to look at themselves in a positive light.

6. They have a deep appreciation for all life.

Introverts naturally gravitate towards non-human animals, most likely for two reasons: 1) They don’t talk, which gets rid of the hardest component of a relationship with humans. 2) They are cuddly and fuzzy (well, most of them that humans would interact with, anyway), so introverts see this as comforting and healing.

7. They don’t shy away from important topics.

If you want small talk, you’d better just forget about connecting with an introvert. While introverts can fake the small talk, this isn’t their area of expertise. These people thrive on connecting with people in a much deeper way, which means you will never get bored around them.

8. Introverts think before they speak.

Introverts mull over what they want to say before speaking, and listen to the other person in entirety before they even begin to formulate a response. This is why some people think they are not as good at talking compared to extroverts, since it takes them much longer to gather their thoughts. However, this just means they are making sure they say the right thing before letting the words leave their lips.

9. They feel more comfortable in the natural world.

Introverts love nature – it provides time for quiet reflection, away from the noise and chaos of modern living. They don’t have to cultivate energy for socializing or getting ready for a party or other social engagement – they can just enjoy the world around them for a while, without any responsibilities or distractions.

10. Introverts have a knack for creativity.

Introverts use their imagination and innovative abilities to bring important new discoveries into this world. While extroverts can do this as well, introverts tend to think over all the possibilities before diving headfirst into any sort of new endeavor, which makes the final product even better.

11. They seek answers within.

Introverts know that the answers to life’s burning questions lie within them, and spend plenty of time trying to make sense of the world around them.

10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re A Taurus

April 23, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Taurus has been described as patient, self-indulgent, stubborn, and boring, but only a Taurus can really understand what we’re really like beneath those labels. The bull born between April 20 and May 21 can be such a happy sign, if only everyone would do everything exactly like we want them to. Here are 10 reasons why you might only understand Taurus if you are one.

10 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re a Taurus

1. Everyone else is so emotional.

Taurean people might look calm on the surface, but only a Taurus could understand the things that are churning away in our minds and bodies. Just because they don’t seem to get emotional doesn’t mean that we aren’t capable of emotions. As a sign ruled by both Venus and the Moon, they are an emotional wreck fairly often. Why can’t everyone else just be better at hiding it?

2. Taurus is cursed to be disappointed.

Everyone else seems to be satisfied with having lower standards, but only a Taurus can understand that the high expectations we hold are our minimum level of tolerance for what we encounter in our environment. They demand excellence! Too bad no one is able to provide it consistently.

3. Change sucks.

The way it was was perfect, but then you had to go and change things. You could not possibly understand how mad it makes them when you change their routine and move things around. They need to be a master of their environment. Everything has a place and time. Taurus requires you to do it their way.

4. Being stubborn really just means being unwilling to compromise on the important things.

Have you ever wondered what science has to say about astrology? In a study of the personality traits assigned to sun signs and a psychological personality profile test, researchers found similarities between people’s personality test traits and the types of traits associated with their astrological sign for 14 out of 18 scales on the test.

As a Taurus, you know that the personality trait of stubbornness doesn’t always apply to you, right? You can think of at least one time that you compromised on something, can’t you? No? We didn’t think so, and we promise not to tell anyone that science backs up your unwillingness to compromise either.

5. Loyalty is mandatory in a friend or romantic partner.

Taurus demands that you be dedicated to them and they will, in return, be dedicated to and possessive of you as well. In fact, they may treat you a bit like their prized possession if you are their lucky romantic partner.

Taurus loves attention and praise from their partner. If you can prove your devotion to them, they will stand by you forever. Crossing a them, on the other hand, may send you running for the hills. They can hold a grudge like no other sign in the zodiac and those horns are very sharp and pointy.

6. No one works harder than Taurus.

Taurus is very similar to the symbol for their sun sign; the Taurean bull is dedicated to pulling the plough and working the land to provide for the family. Taurus is the ultimate provider. Bills will be paid, and loved ones will be well-fed, secure, and provided for in a Taurean household. Taurus is excellent with finances and is capable of being independent.

Taurus is patient and able to delay gratification (sometimes), so they are likely to have a healthy retirement savings and have thoroughly researched investment options. Stability also pleases Taurus, so they will look for work they can stay with for their entire career.

7. Taurean gifts are the best.

We’ve already mentioned how well Taurus does with finances, so in the rare instance that a Taurean is broke, it’s probably because they gave away all their stuff. Taurus loves to give. To show their love, Taurus wants you to have all the cool stuff that they have.

8. The finer things in life suit Taurus perfectly.

Quality over quantity is Taurus’ motto. Even if we can buy the same thing at a discount store for $5.00, we would rather have the imported Italian hand-crafted one that cost half of our paycheck.

9. It’s not a boring routine; it’s called discipline.

Others do not understand our dedication to doing things the same way, at the same time, over and over again. ‘Aren’t you bored?’ they ask. Only Taurus could understand that the discipline of a finely-crafted routine has taken years to perfect so that all of our needs are met regularly.

10. Taurus has incredible sensitivity to touch.

Only a Taurus could understand that cashmere is the only acceptable form of wool to touch our skin. When it comes to shopping, fabric feel and comfort is as important as the look. Taurus likes to explore the world through their hands.

If it isn’t something that can be touched in the physical world, Taurus usually doesn’t care for it. If it’s an abstract concept or it’s in the future, Taurus doesn’t need it.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

4 Ways To Get Closer Than Ever To Your Partner

April 23, 2016 by Power of Positivity

No matter how close your relationship is, there’s always room to grow. And when it comes to being close with your partner, there are ways to make that happen. Intimacy is a way of closely connecting with your partner that doesn’t have to involve anything physical, but it can if both partners want it to.

Improving your intimate relationship is all about three things:

Trust with your partner
Willingness to break old ways of thinking
The desire for a stronger intimate bond

Intimacy is a connection to your partner that involves physical closeness and an emotional connection. This intimacy is where our feelings of love come from. Did you know that when you cuddle with your partner, your brain releases oxytocin.

Oxytocin is a pain-killer that can naturally rival what pregnant women in labor receive to dull their pain. No wonder we are addicted to love. Loving cuddling is like being addicted to this incredible natural painkiller. Here are some suggestions on how to deepen your relationship.

4 Ways To Get Closer Than Ever With Your Partner

1. Think about your ideal encounters

Start this process off by thinking about your ideal encounters and then compare it to how your actual encounters with your significant other are. If it’s not ideal, think about what would make your relationship better, and then talk it over with your mate. Let them know what your needs are and listen to theirs as well. Communication is key when it comes to deepening your relationship.

2. Learn about yourself

You might have never thought about your preferences before unless you were in a situation where something new came up with your significant other. This doesn’t just mean in a physical sense, either. People can become closer through activities enjoyed together or by just having a conversation.

Ask yourself these questions now. What am I unwilling to try? Do I already know that I enjoy? What am I curious to learn more about with my partner?

3. Develop communication with your partner

First of all, if you aren’t having ideal communication, you either have not told your partner what you want or they already refused your offer. More likely than not, you never even asked.

Trust, even at our most vulnerable, is indeed important for an intimate bond. You want to be able to reveal your deepest desires to your significant other and feel comfortable doing so.

Decide now to face your fears and ask your partner for your innermost desires in a relationship. If they seem uncomfortable with what you’ve asked for, you might need to reach a compromise so that you can both feel a certain level of comfort in the relationship.

4. Make an appointment with a licensed therapist

There is no safer way to explore intimacy with your partner than by working with a professional. A licensed therapist can help with problems such as psychological fears and anxieties about intimacy, and other problems that keep couples from having an excellent intimate life.

You can find a licensed intimacy counselor through the American Association of Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). These are ethically trained professionals who ‘share an interest in promoting understanding of human intimacy and relationship behavior.’ If you want a healthy intimate life, it is within your reach.

10 Things People With Anxiety Wish You Would Do

April 22, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Unfortunately, many people in the U.S. and worldwide suffer from some sort of anxiety disorder. In the U.S. alone, approximately 18.1% of people age 18 and older have anxiety, which equates to about 40 million people. If you have never had anxiety, you may not understand what people who do suffer from it go through on a daily basis. Anxiety can affect every aspect of someone’s life, and treatment doesn’t totally eliminate the symptoms, in some cases.

People with anxiety can often feel very alienated and misunderstood, as the percentage of the population without anxiety often make incorrect assumptions about them. Below, we’ve listed a few ways you can help someone with anxiety feel a bit better and make life just a tad easier for them.

Here are ten things people with anxiety wish you would do:

1. Comfort them during a panic attack

Panic attacks can feel absolutely terrifying, and many people having one actually think they’re experiencing a heart attack or something similar. If your loved one is suffering from a panic attack, simply hug them and don’t let go until it’s over. When it passes, stay with them for a while to make sure they’re okay. Get them a glass of water if they need it, make them something to eat, or get them out of a stressful situation and move them to a quieter place.

2. Understand that things that seem easy for you can be difficult for someone with anxiety

Meeting someone new, talking on the phone, or going to the grocery store might seem like a walk in the park for you. For someone with anxiety, these things can feel like the hardest tasks in the world to accomplish. They don’t try to make them difficult, but their mind tends to overthink most things and send them into a frenzy about seemingly simple tasks. Comfort them through these things so that they have someone to support them.

3. Talk about happy memories to help calm them down

Sometimes, someone with anxiety simply needs a distraction from their frazzled and overstressed minds. Chronic overthinking can really wear them out, so talking about happier, calmer subjects with them can really help them deal with their anxiety better. People with anxiety often let their thoughts run the show, but listening to stories of happy times can show them that focusing on more uplifting thoughts can go a long way in easing anxiety.

4. Keep an eye out for signs of an impending anxiety attack

Shallow, uneven breathing, shaky hands or legs, a flushed face, and an overall nervous demeanor can point to an upcoming anxiety attack. If you see a loved one about to have an anxiety attack, just be there for them as much as possible, and help them to not feel alone. Call for help if you need it, and get a cold towel to put on your loved one’s head if you can. An anxiety attack causes a rush of blood to the face, so having something to cool him or her down can help immensely.

5. Don’t keep them guessing

If you have plans, stick to them. Respond to messages as soon as you can, and make your plans as concrete as possible. People with anxiety tend to not like surprises, so giving them as much information as possible is ideal.

6. Don’t put them down or question their anxiety

Don’t say condescending or tactless things about their anxiety such as “It sounds like this is all in your head” or “When did you get like this?” People with anxiety certainly don’t like the stigma of mental illness, so don’t make it worse. Instead, ask them more questions in a nice way to gain understanding. Accept that they have it, but try to learn as much as you can so you can help them in the best way possible.

7. Suggest activities that would help ease their anxiety

Getting outdoors, exercising, doing crafts, drawing, writing, and playing with animals can greatly help someone with anxiety. Try to suggest things that will help them, so that they can have something to do each day to get their mind off the anxiety for a bit.

8. Check in on them often to show them you care

If you don’t live with them, simply text or call them a few times a week to show you care. Living with anxiety can often feel lonely and very confusing, so make him or her feel loved and taken care of.

9. Invite them to do nothing with you for a while

Sometimes just laying down in a park and looking up at the clouds can help someone with anxiety get out of their head for a while. People with anxiety are highly sensitive to the hustle and bustle of this world, so getting out of that environment for a while and enjoying a relaxing experience really helps them.

10. Most importantly, don’t make them feel abnormal or weird

Don’t make them feel like an outcast because of their anxiety. Everyone is different, and fights their own battles. Make them feel loved despite their anxiety, because they are warriors every single day of their life. They deserve love, affection, and compassion just like everyone else, so offer it to them wholeheartedly and unconditionally.

11 Quotes To Remember When You Feel Anxious

April 22, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Anxiety afflicts millions of people throughout the world, and is the most prevalent form of mental dis-ease in the U.S., affecting 40 million people, or 18% of the population. Feeling some anxiety surrounding certain events in your life, such as a move to a new city, is totally normal and shouldn’t be a cause for concern. However, when your anxious thoughts start to disrupt your everyday life, you need to acknowledge it and try to figure out where the feelings are coming from, and what they’re trying to tell you.

We hope the following quotes can put things into perspective and help you ease your anxious thoughts, if only in the moment.

Here are 11 quotes to remember when you feel anxious:

1. “Trust yourself. You’ve survived a lot, and you’ll survive whatever is coming.” – Robert Tew

2. Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere. – English proverb

3. “Keep walking through the storm. Your rainbow is waiting on the other side.” – Heather Stillufsen

4. Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.

5. “Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.” – Sonia Ricotte

6. Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better.

7. Sometimes the reason good things are not happening to you is because you are the good thing that needs to happen to other people.

8. A negative mind will never give a positive life.

9. You will never be free until you free yourself from the prison of your own false thoughts.

10. Sometimes you need to step outside, get some fresh air, and remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be. – Gossip Girl

11. “Today’s a perfect day for a whole new start. Let go of fear and free your mind. It’s time to open your heart.” – Chris Butler

If you need more help with anxiety, try the following breathing technique:

Controlling your breathing through one nostril at a time is known as Nadi Shodhana in Sanskrit. Spot.pcc.edu says that it is also called “the “Sweet Breath,” “Sukha Pranayama” (Sukha translates as comfortable or happy), “Channel Purification Breath,” or “Alternate Nostril Breath.”

This breathing technique is also good for promoting clear thinking and balancing the brain hemispheres as well as relieving anxious feelings.

To do alternate nostril breathing, curl your index and middle finger of wither hand into your palm, with your thumb, ring, and pinky fingers sticking out. The ring finger and thumb are what you will use to close each nostril with. Use this hand as a pincher to gently press the outside of each nostril.

Spot.pcc.edu suggests the following pattern to achieve alternate nostril breathing:

“Curl index and middle finger of the right hand into the palm, forming a “pincer” with thumb and ring finger (little finger is “superfluous”). Take a deep inhale and exhale, then gently close the right nostril with the thumb, inhale slowly and deeply through the left nostril. In the moment of pause after the inhale and before the exhale, gently close the left nostril with the ring finger, release the thumb from the right nostril and exhale through the right nostril just as slow.

Observe the moment of pause after the exhale and before the next inhale, then inhale slowly and deeply through the right nostril. In the moment of pause after the inhale and before the exhale, gently close the right nostril again with the thumb, release the ring finger from the left nostril and exhale through the left nostril just as slow. Again, observe the moment of pause after the exhale and before the next inhale, then inhale slowly and deeply through the left nostril.

Continue breathing alternately through one nostril only, always closing the other nostril and releasing the one that was just closed in the moment of pause after an inhale and before the next exhale.”

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