Whenever a relationship ends, you may experience loss, blame, and despair. During these difficult moments, you encounter tremendous vulnerability and shame. This is followed by resentment and anger. No matter how excruciating the moments get, please remember your greatness.
Here are five things to remind yourself if your partner ends the relationship:
1. The pain from a breakup is real.
Scientists at Columbia University in Manhattan, NY, have researched the brain of college students after a break-up using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). These findings have shown that when the participant is shown a picture of their ex-partner, the brain lights up just as it would through the exposure of physical pain.
You are not imagining the hurt and destitution. And, just like any physical ailment it takes time to heal. Your heart and your mind will recover. An unexpected breakup is distressing. The mind and body will need time to truly re-adjust to all the events surrounding it. Time is the best healer but do not put limitations and expectations on it. The worst thing you can do is rush the healing process.
2. You are worthy.
After a breakup we are left wondering, “What did I do? Was I not good enough?” Thoughts begin to create around your self-worth. You are worth more than a relationship ending. A lot of times it isn’t about what you did or didn’t do. Personalities clash. Relationships are powerful lessons and experiences. Instead of asking negative questions that bring your self-esteem down, why not ask, “What did I learn from this person?”
Focus on the good. You will carry the memories of your relationship with you onto other unions. Don’t allow what one person reflected on your emotional body to become the foundation for another relationship.
3. You get to push a restart button.
Your world has just crashed. It’s been hard. You were blindsided. Step back and realize that this is a wonderful opportunity to start fresh. You don’t want to chase after someone who doesn’t recognize your vastness and greatness. You want to flourish and be happy. Make a list of things you have wanted to do but your partner did not. Go explore those parts that bring you joy.
When we are in relationships we forget to take care of ourselves. We are too busy trying to make sure the other person is happy. You are responsible for you. This is a wonderful time to redecorate your bedroom. Get a haircut. Start taking a painting class. You have the time to do those things that are on your bucket list. Don’t put them off any longer.
4. Stop trying to substitute the loss.
The devastation from heartache is profound. Do not reach for something to fill the space or the hurt. This is detrimental to your healing. You cannot heal when you immediately fall into another relationship. That cookie or bottles of booze won’t heal the ache either.
Therapy is a beautiful tool for allowing the emotions to come through in a productive manner. Meditation, yoga, and hiking are examples of positive venues for those times when it’s too much to sit alone in the dark thoughts of sorrow. Start a gratitude journal. Each day write down three things that have made you happy. Readjust the focus on something other than the finality of a relationship. You will be amazed how much better you will feel.
5. Love yourself and the world will see your greatness.
You know all that love you poured into that relationship? You know the way you prepared a meal with such gratitude? Why not do the same for yourself? When you begin to give yourself that kind of love and attention the world opens up to you saluting your magnificent nature. You are the best candidate for love. You know yourself better than anyone. You have created a world around you and just because someone walked out of it doesn’t mean that the world ends. Self-love is not selfish. Loving yourself is the most healing source of energy you will ever have.
Breakups, divorces, and even the loss from death, are life changing experiences in our lives. Mourn properly. Allow time to heal those parts of yourself that feel shattered and broken. Make the time and space to love yourself and connect to nature. Your physical, emotional and spiritual bodies will be glad you gave yourself the love that you so righteously deserve. Reach out to friends and family. You are not alone in this.
“One of the best times for figuring out who you are & what you really want out of life? Right after a break-up.”~ Mandy Hale