You haven’t made up your mind yet, and the uncertainty makes you wonder if maybe he is not ‘The One’ for you. In this article, we will look at five deal-breakers that could be the reason you haven’t committed yet.
Your man is probably looking for someone attractive, healthy, intelligent, kind, honest, has a sense of humor, is dependable, and someone who has good communication skills. These were the traits that most men and women looked for in a study of over 200,000 men and women.
Researchers also say that heterosexual men and women ranked religion, fondness for children, and parenting abilities higher than homosexual men or women. They also say that the biological drive to have children leads men and women to search for an attractive, young, and healthy partner.
We mention this here because your search for the guy who is ‘The One’ may be very different if you have a specific goal, like raising a family.
5 Signs He Is Not “The One” For You
1. He’s not The One for you if he hasn’t finished growing up yet
Selfishness, being an egomaniac, outdated values, and jealousy are just a few of the psychological problems he might still be dealing with. Most adults mature and learn lessons about these negative personality traits because society disapproves of childish behavior.
If your man is still learning what it means to be an emotionally mature person, he may require too much retraining to make it worth your time. It IS still possible that he is The One, but it may involve a little change on your part. Keep reading to the end of the article.
2. He’s not The One for you if the future is all about him
Do your goals, dreams, and ambitions all take second place to his? Traditionally, the higher income earner makes decisions in a partnership, but that doesn’t mean you have to be second.
Ask your man to give you a voice in the decision-making process. If he doesn’t want to share the power to control your future, feel free to let him know that he’s not The One for you.
3. He’s not The One for you if he doesn’t understand emotions
We understand that there is immense cultural pressure for men to be tough and not show emotions, but The One for you needs to be able to express his deep love and connection with you.
4. He’s not The One for you if he shuts down communication
Another cultural guy trait is not being able to talk through problems. Your man can jump into action when you need him, but if you ask him to explain why he chose to spend $6000 on Superbowl tickets, he gets defensive and shuts down – or worse – he justifies his purchase based on how much you spend on your work clothes.
Communication is so essential for a lasting, long-term relationship, which is what you are hoping for with The One. Talking is how couples express their needs, make sure their needs are met, and make sure that they feel supported emotionally, mentally, and sexually.
5. He’s not The One for you if he’s broken your trust
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Unfortunately, if your man has broken your trust in the past, he is more likely to do it again. You can live with that uncertainty in your lives forever because, let’s face it, ‘The One’ is your forever mate.
Unfortunately, the stereotype of promiscuity for men is true. Researchers say ‘Men may possess three adaptations that make it seem as though they are generally more ‘oriented’ toward short-term mating than women: (1) Men possess greater desire for short-term sexual relationships than women; (2) Men prefer larger numbers of sexual partners over time than women; and (3) Men require less time before consenting to sex than women.’ This doesn’t mean your man can’t commit, but you should be aware of his tendencies.
If you feel secure that your man has changed his behavior for good, or you’ve decided to live with the possibility that he could hurt you again, he could still be your One. If you aren’t ready to forgive and trust him going forward, let him know that he is not The One for you.
Don’t despair if all signs point to ditching this man and moving on to the next One. People CAN change their behavior; sometimes, a licensed counselor can help unlearn old habits. On the other hand, adjusting your attitude toward your partner’s perceived ‘faults’ is all it takes from feeling that he isn’t The One to feeling like he is.
What Are the Signs to Know When You Do Find The One?
There are several signs that someone has found “the one,” including the following:
- A strong and effortless connection: They feel comfortable, relaxed, and at ease in each other’s company.
- Mutual respect and support: They support each other’s goals and aspirations and deeply respect each other’s opinions and decisions.
- Similar values and interests: They share common values and interests and enjoy spending time together doing things they love.
- Good communication: They are open and honest with each other and can effectively communicate their feelings, thoughts, and needs.
- A sense of security: They feel secure in their relationship and trust each other completely.
- Shared plans for the future: They have a shared vision for their future together and are excited about the life they will build together.
Final Thoughts on the Search for The One
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience of finding “the one” is unique, and these signs may vary from person to person. Ultimately, finding “the one” is a feeling of deep contentment, happiness in a relationship, and a sense that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You might make a few missteps along the way, which is okay. Indeed, it will make you appreciate your true soul mate better once you meet that person.