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5 Smart Ways To Deal With A Hostile Ex

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Hopefully, you’ll never have to experience a hostile ex-partner. However, if you do find yourself in the situation where you have an ex that won’t leave you alone or is plaguing you with texts, phone calls, or even threats, you need to know how to handle it. Break-ups can be messy, and not all of them end amicably.

When an ex-partner refuses to accept that they’re no longer part of the other person’s life, it can lead to some pretty scary situations. The most important thing to know is to stay smart and stay safe. It may be tempting to plan revenge against an ex-partner who is stalking and threatening you, but the goal is to not antagonize them into further action. Here are some tips on how to deal with a hostile ex while staying positive.

5 Smart Ways To Tell Your Hostile Ex To Leave You Alone

“When suspicion and hostility is allowed to fester, it can erupt into unrest.” –  Loretta Lynch

1. Figure out what your ex wants and talk it through

This can be anything from acknowledging their feelings, to getting back together. If it’s the former, try and figure out what feelings they need validated and see if you can talk through them in a positive and healthy manner that doesn’t dissolve into name-calling and arguments.

If it’s the latter, make it clear that you have no intentions of getting back together. It may be tempting to try and placate them with a vague “someday, maybe”, but this will only add fuel to the fire in the long run. The goal is here is to figure out what they want from you so that you can figure out how best to get them to leave you alone.

2. Don’t take the bait and be part of the scheme to get your attention

You may notice that if your ex is not getting the response out of you that they desire, they may move on to other tactics to get your attention. For instance, they may create false emergencies to get you to speak to them, or they may threaten self-harm or suicide. If you’re worried, contact someone close to them who can help – either to assist them in a real emergency, or talk them down from doing something self-destructive to get your attention.

Err on the side of caution if your ex is continually leaving you hanging with cliff hangers and promises of discovered secrets. Chances are, they’re just trying to get you to talk to them.

3. Don’t meet up with your ex unless absolutely necessary

According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Ron L. Deal, “Face-to-face interaction has the most potential for conflict.  Use the phone when possible or even talk to their answering machine if personal communication erupts into arguments.” Sometimes, you just can’t avoid seeing your ex-partner, especially if you’re going through a divorce or there are kids involved.

If your ex is particularly hostile, you should only meet up with them in populated areas to avoid public outbursts, or to have witnesses to any kind of harassment – verbal or otherwise. If you’re feeling particularly vulnerable, bringing a friend with you is good.

Your ex may not feel like lashing out in front of someone else, and there can always be someone there to make sure that help can be called if needed.

4. Document everything, whether it’s a phone call, messages or emails

If your ex is stalking you or leaving you threatening text messages and voicemails, you’re going to want to save everything. Or if your ex is coming to your house and trying to get you to let them in, record the incident on your phone either with the camera of voice memo. If, God forbid, you have to get the law involved, physical evidence is going to hold up a lot better than he said-she said.

According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Virginia Gilbert, “Do not listen to conventional wisdom that your ex will “move on” in time. Well-adjusted people move on; high-conflict personalities never quench their thirst for revenge and their desire to feel like “the good one.” Document everything; save hostile e-mails, take screen shots of abusive texts, note every violation of your court orders.”

Let your ex’s calls go to voicemail and save any threatening or harassing messages. If the only time that they threaten you is when you pick up the phone, have a voice recorder and put the phone on speaker so you can record everything they’re saying.

5. Have a support network to confide in when you feel defeated

Whether your support network is close friends or family members, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to deal with this alone. Keeping a network of people who can support you during this time means that you are not only getting the emotional support you need to handle the situation, but it can also serve as a warning that your ex may approach them in the coming days for information about you. Friends and family can also help document anything your ex does that is worrying, harassing, or threatening.

Hostile ex-partners can be scary, but a way to handle them can keep you safe. Knowing the right course of action means you’re already ahead of them. While your ex’s actions may be largely driven by negative emotions, you’ll have the tools to deal with the situation while staying safe, positive and smart. Remember: never fight fire with fire when it comes to a hostile ex. It can be tempting to retaliate, but it may not stop your ex’s behavior. Don’t be afraid to call the police if you need to. Making sure you and everyone else involved stays safe is the number one priority!

References:
Dealing with a Difficult Ex-Spouse: 10 Tips to Help You Cope https://smartstepfamilies.com/view/dealing-with-a-difficult-ex-spouse
What Therapists Don’t Tell You About Divorcing A High-Conflict Personality http://www.huffingtonpost.com/virginia-gilbert-mft/what-therapists-dont-tell_b_2622776.html

Relationship Experts Reveal 5 Secrets to Happy Marriages

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Research psychologist and relationship expert John Gottman explains over 40 years of research in his book ” What Makes Love Last ,” that trust and commitment are the two biggest secrets to happy marriages. Beyond that, we asked our community of relationship experts to reveal more secrets to happy marriages.

Anyone who is married will tell you that it’s hard work. It’s a commitment that requires more effort than simply long-term dating. When you bring someone into your life in a permanent way, you’re going to have a few bumps along the way. Just because marriage can be difficult, doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth it! Marriage can be a blissful time in someone’s life, filled with all of the best memories.

Marriage can bring couples strength and support that they may not otherwise have. Not all marriages are successful, however. Those that are require effort on the part of both parties to make sure that the marriage stays healthy and successful. Relationship experts have revealed exactly what it takes to make sure that a marriage stays strong.

Here Are 5 Secret Ingredients To Happy Marriages

“The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” – Julia Child

1. BE KIND

According to relationship expert James Preece, “The biggest gift you can give your partner is the chance to miss you.” After the honeymoon phase has ended, you may not find that you want to be around your partner 24/7 anymore- and that’s okay! Being around someone all the time can cause annoyance, or make one person or the other feel smothered.

It’s important that each partner have time to themselves. It’s also important that your partner has a chance to miss you. A marriage is bringing two lives together, not living one life. It’s important that each partner have their own friends and interests in addition to the ones that you share together.

While this may seem easy when dealing with someone you love, we all have had moments where we say things that we don’t mean to say, or adopt a passive aggressive manner to display our displeasure. Focusing on being kind will strengthen any marriage. This includes conceding to your partner’s thoughts, feelings and opinions and validating how they feel, even if you don’t agree.

2. COMPROMISE

Being able to have arguments or disagreements and come back with a compromise will make the relationship and the marriage ten times stronger. According to marital therapist Andrew Marshall, “People think love is just about connection, but what’s equally important is to have good relationship skills. And the most important one is to be able to negotiate with one another.”

Being able to negotiate with your husband or wife on even the smallest things can build up both trust and confidence in your ability to communicate, so that when something big happens you’ll be able to dive headfirst with open communication to solve the problem. Arguing until one person gives in will only cause resentment to grow and fester in the marriage, which will weaken the bonds of the relationship.

3. LEARN TO LISTEN

Give your partner time to speak what’s on their mind. Even if the argument seems to be going nowhere, it’s important that both partners have the space and time to speak. According to therapist Dr. Mike McNulty, “Focus on the stressful things or events that are important to your spouse. Listen. Help your spouse express his or her feelings. Empathize. Show support. Don’t problem solve or fix. Most of us just want to be heard.”

relationships

We, as humans, have a tendency to try and bring in a counterpoint against every point made before the other person has an opportunity to say everything they need to say. While it may be tempting to interrupt, it’s important that everyone has an opportunity to speak. And even more essential: both partners have to learn to actively listen. Instead of thinking up a counterargument, listen intently to your partner and hear everything that he or she is saying. Only then can true communication happen.

4. GIVING ONE ANOTHER SPACE

 

If you don’t understand a point your partner is making, being kind can mean saying, “Will you help me understand?” Sometimes, being kind means admitting that you’re wrong and saying, “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?” At the same time, being kind means accepting that apology and forgiving your partner and working through the argument in a more affirming manner.

5. HAVE FUN

Don’t ever forget the reason that you married one another – that you were in love and enjoyed each other’s company so much you wanted to do it together for the rest of your lives! Having fun together is the best way to build intimacy and to keep your marriage strong. There are times to be serious and there are times to be silly, and a strong marriage has a healthy balance of both. Staying physically intimate is an important part of keeping your marriage strong. Set aside time to have some romantic time together, to have fun with it. This can mean sending the kids away to your parents’ house, or even booking a weekend romantic getaway at a nearby hotel. However you do it, make sure that you always set aside time to reconnect together.

While marriage may not always be smooth sailing, there are ways to keep the ship afloat. Learning how to communicate your needs and feelings with your partner will make sure that you have the foundation to whether any storm, be it financial hardships, grief, upheavals or arguments. Love is an important factor in keeping your marriage strong, but it isn’t always enough. Hopefully, these tips from relationship experts will give everyone the tools they need to make sure their marriage stays healthy – from “I Do”, to the rest of your lives together.

References:
Relationship Experts Reveal The Things All Successfully Married Couples Do http://www.goodhousekeeping.co.uk/news/how-to-have-successful-marriage
Relationship experts reveal 6 secrets that help power couples stay together http://www.businessinsider.in/Relationship-experts-reveal-6-secrets-that-help-power-couples-stay-together/articleshow/51704375.cms

Researchers Reveal Left-Handed People are the Smartest

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Are left-handed people more intelligent than their right-handed counterparts?

“The findings are considered to support the view that greater engagement of right-hemispheric resources facilitates the performance of higher order functions that orchestrate cognition, such as mental flexibility, inhibitory control, and working memory operations.” – Beratis et. al (2013)

Okay, so approximately 10 percent of our readership is ecstatic, while 90 percent aren’t. “That’s total B.S!” may be your reaction – but wait, there’s more!

A couple of things to clear up beforehand:

(1) Research swings both ways on the lefty/righty debate.

(2) We are being as objective as possible by using peer-reviewed data.

Intelligence, smarts, or whatever term you may use to describe brainpower is, in itself, a highly debated topic!

Some people call “B.S.” on I.Q tests – and there’s plenty of good reasons. For example, did you know that most “intelligence” tests do not measure creative skills? In other words, most IQ tests do not consider a crucial component of abstract thinking.

But what does science say? We will narrow down the thousands of studies that have “solved” the right/left debate to just a few publications.

Anyways *puff*, onto the science!

Why Left-Handed People Are the Smartest, According to Science

left-handed

1. “Divergent Thinking”

Interestingly enough, one of the main advantages of being a lefty is divergent thinking – aka, creativity and abstract thought.

Most studies reveal that lefties possess a more developed right hemisphere of the brain, which might have a greater influence on abstract thinking than the left hemisphere.

Another interesting and quite plausible hypothesis is that lefties, as part of a minority group, develop a more individualistic (less group-oriented) mindset. An independent frame of mind and creative giftedness often lead lefties down the path of an artist.

2. Better, faster hand-eye coordination

Some Australian researchers made an interesting observation: 25 percent of Major League Baseball (MLB) players are lefties – 2.5 times the rate of the general population. This number is what scientists call “statistically significant” (i.e., it’s worth a damn.)

A study published in the journal Perceptual and Motor Skills found “statistically significant differences in proportions of left-handed persons” who “(engaged) in “interactive sports.” What’s more interesting is what they didn’t find – an advantage in “non-interactive” sports. The difference? Interactive sports: baseball, boxing, fencing, tennis. Non-interactive: bowling, diving, gymnastics.

In short, lefties (theoretically) have better and faster hand-eye coordination.

They also have…

3. Faster reaction times

Now this “lefties are more athletic” theory is making a bit more sense. Better, quicker hand-eye coordination and faster reaction times? You’d see that scribbled down in some pro scout’s notepad.

In a study published in the journal Neuropsychology, researchers discovered “a relationship (between) interhemispheric transfer time and hemispheric interaction in left-handed participants. (Results) demonstrate significant handedness effects, suggesting that left-handed individuals tend to have more hemispheric interactions.”

This scientific mumbo-jumbo boils down to this: lefties, on average, have faster left/right brain connections than righties. (Couldn’t they have just said that?)

4. Better spatial ability

Johns Hopkins University’s Center for Talented Youth defines spatial ability as “the capability to understand and remember the spatial relations among objects … made up of numerous subskills, which are interrelated among each other and develop through your life.”

Spatial skills are among the most “convenient” to have. For example, someone with this ability is generally excellent with directions. The skillset may also be lucrative. That’s because many lefties enjoy prominence in architecture, engineering, mathematics, and technology.

5. They’re emotionally intelligent

“For left-handed people, implicitly, they think good stuff is on the left, even though consciously, explicitly, everything in language and culture is telling them the exact opposite,” says Daniel Casasanto, psychologist and professor at Stanford University.

Dr. Casasanto makes an important point. For years, and it continues today (though to a lesser extent), left-handed people were/are discriminated against. Did you know that, simply by being born left-handed, many people assumed lefties were “crippled, defective, clumsy, inept, doubtful, questionable, ill-omened, inauspicious and illegitimate”? We were talking less than 100 years ago.

Most of this revolting ignorance has (thankfully) gone by the wayside. Having something in common with five of the last seven presidents, four of five designers of the Mac computer (including Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak – and their competitor, Bill Gates), and possibly the most incredible mind in history – Albert Einstein – will quickly render critics silent.

Plus, lefties have their day: International Lefthanders Day. Yep, that’s pretty cool.

On August 13, be a pal (or look smart) while offering a crisp high-five using your southpaw.

left-handed

How do lefties adapt to a right-handed world?

Approximately 90% of the world population is right-handed. Individuals who prefer using their left hand are in the minority, with only 10% of the world’s population. Being left-handed is unique. But it also means learning how to adapt to a right-handed world.

Left-handed people tie their shoes differently.

If your parent or teacher is right-handed, as a leftie, you probably had to teach yourself how to tie your shoes. Learning how to hold the shoestrings in one hand while looping the other string around takes practice. Of course, many left-handed people adapt by learning to do tasks like tying their shoes with their right hand.

A left-handed person eats differently.

Although many left-handed people choose to eat like right-handed, some lefties hold their fork in their left hand with the fork tines facing down. They cut their food with the knife in their right hand. Strangely enough, we traditionally called this eating “right-handed eating.”

To make it even more confusing, Europeans eat this way–even righties.

They write uniquely.

Lefties have gotten a bad rap for sloppy handwriting, but that’s not always true. Many lefties have beautiful handwriting. It involved holding a pen differently, shifting the paper to a different angle than a right-handed writer, and trying to write in a right-handed spiral notebook. Still, lefties all face these challenges when they write.

They adapt how they use scissors.

Right-handed individuals should try to use scissors in their left hand to experience the challenge lefties face. Fortunately, left-handed scissors exist–they have different grips and reversed blades so lefties can cut more easily.

They need to move their computer mouse in a different way.

Computers always have the mouse on the right side. Moving the mouse on the left side seems simple enough, but it’s more involved than that. You must go into your computer settings and change the mouse button, or it won’t work.

How they use zippers.

Pants zippers provide an everyday challenge to lefties. So a left-handed person must awkwardly reach around to zip up or down.

How they use cupholders.

Indeed, righties don’t even need to think about most car cup holders are on the right side of the driver’s seat. This means lefties must adapt by setting their coffee in the cup holder with their right hand or reaching around with their left hand at an awkward angle to put their coffee in the cupholder.

They change up how they swipe their credit card.

Most stores’ credit card machines require lefties to reach around and swipe on the right side of the machine. As with many other situations, a left-handed person may adapt by using their right hand to swipe their credit cards.

left-handed

Giving a signature varies.

If you sign your name on a credit card machine, the pen is always on the right. Lefties must adapt by reaching over the machines and signing their names at an awkward angle.

5 Toxic Ingredients To Stop Using Immediately

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It’s hard to know what ingredients are in everything we use daily. From lotion to makeup, to shampoo, there are things that we use every day that often go overlooked because they’re so commonplace. When was the last time we all stopped to really think about the types of ingredients that are being used in our shampoos?

Things that we use every day in our morning or nightly routines could be full of potentially toxic chemicals. Not only are some of these chemicals bad for our bodies, but they’re also bad for our environment. Some of these ingredients are more toxic than others. But there’s still an alternative to help keep our bodies free from unhealthy chemicals. Take a look at these five different toxic ingredients that can be found in our everyday bathroom routine.

If You Have These 5 Toxic Ingredients At Home, Throw Them Away

“Even in tiny amounts, many of the chemicals commonly found in our cosmetics can have a tremendous health and hormonal impact, and we are only beginning to understand the consequences.” – Dr. Trevor Cates

1. FORMALDEHYDE

This particular ingredient is a naturally occurring gas. It is often used as a preservative, so if this ingredient sounds familiar, you’re probably thinking back to 8th-grade science class. The EPA and Toxic Substance Control Act heavily regulate the use of formaldehyde. However, there are no restrictions currently for beauty products that contain formaldehyde. Formaldehyde is often a preservative in hair products and face makeup.

When checking ingredients lists, watch out for things like ‘diazolidinyl urea” and “quaternium-15”, preservatives that release formaldehyde.

2. PETROLATUM

This is an ingredient that is used in lipstick to keep it moist. You also see petrolatum in lotions and creams. Petrolatum is a “crude oil.” It’s not currently restricted in America, and the FDA has approved its over-the-counter uses. However, with Petrolatum comes a risk of cross-contamination with chemicals that can cause cancer that are often found in crude oil. To cut out petrolatum altogether, buy products made by brands you know don’t use this particular ingredient.

To cut out petrolatum altogether, buy products made by brands you know don’t use this particular ingredient.

3. TRICLOSAN

This ingredient is found in toothpaste, mouthwash, body wash, deodorants and shampoo. It’s an antibacterial as well as a preservative, however, the FDA has recently banned its usage in both body and hand wash. Yet, it can still be found in mouth products such as toothpaste and mouthwash. While it may be good to fight against gum disease, the risks of long-term triclosan usage show potential disruption to hormones, allergies, and can even be linked to certain cancers. Keep an eye out for this particular ingredient, and try buying natural toothpastes and mouth washes.

Keep an eye out for this particular ingredient, and try buying natural toothpastes and mouth washes.

4. PARABENS

Another preservative, parabens are often found naturally in fruit and vegetables, such as blueberries or carrots. It is one of the most widely used ingredients in beauty products. The studies on parabens show that a buildup in our bodies can reduce fertility, and their mimicry of estrogens has led to worries about breast cancer in the past. Parabens are not currently restricted in the U.S, and the FDA has not connected them to detrimental effects in our health.

However, alternatives to parabens used in cosmetics may lead to irritation in the skin, so stop using them immediately if your skin reacts poorly.

hand sanitizer

5. PHTHALATES

This ingredient isn’t required by law to be placed on ingredient labels. You can find it in everything from our nail polish to our perfume. Phthalates are restricted in using children’s products, however, most households have cosmetics and other items that have phthalates, such as cleaners. To avoid phthalates, keep an eye out for packaging that includes “recycling-code-3” plastics, and any ingredient vaguely described as “fragrance.”

It may seem like everything we use is filled with chemicals that we would not otherwise want on our bodies. But don’t worry. There’s always a more natural alternative. Keeping an eye out on labels and knowing what chemicals to avoid will help make the choice of what products to buy easier!

Natural products will use less chemicals that are both bad for our bodies and bad for our environment, meaning that making the switch between products will do good for everyone in the long run. Keep an eye out for these chemicals, and choose a healthier alternative, if possible!

Researchers Explain How Negativity Feeds Cancer

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Emotions are deeply tied to our overall physical health. When our minds and emotions are suffering, our bodies also suffer. The magnitude of emotions affecting our bodies may be greater than we have anticipated. Anxiety and depression can cause our bodies to feel overtired and run down and even suppress our immune systems. But what can negativity do?

But negative emotions can do much more than that. For example, scientists are now looking toward negative emotions as a detrimental cause of cancerous growth. Cancer has always been known as a growth of cells,. Indeed, most causes tend to be chemicals such as the ones in cigarettes, carcinogens in air pollution, and even chemicals that we ingest every day in our food.

Cancer has always been something medical that can be fought against with medicines and surgeries – but now, scientists are revealing that negative emotions can feed cancer. This new discovery also means positive emotions can send us well on our way to healing.

But How Does Negativity Encourage Cancer Growth?

Twenty years of research has found that cancer development can be caused by negative feelings, with the feelings of “unforgiveness” being one of the leading emotions. Forgiveness has long been linked to our mental and physical health. The chief surgeon at the Cancer Treatments of America, Dr. Steven Standiford, explained that healing emotional wounds is just as important in cancer treatments as treating physical ones.

The evidence for emotional involvement in both the spread of cancer and its healing elements has caused the inclusion of “forgiveness therapy.” A look into cancer patients has found that 60% of those patients have some kind of issue with forgiveness, an emotional block against allowing themselves to forgive the people in their lives that have caused them hurt. Half of those patients are dealing with severe cases of cancer.

“Chronic anxiety very predictably produces excess adrenaline and cortisol, which deplete the production of natural killer cells, which is your body’s foot soldier in the fight against cancer.” – Dr. Michael Barry

Negative emotions and physical ailments work like this: the negative feelings are being kept inside, bottled up, and never released. Keeping these negative emotions locked inside and refusing to work through them can cause chronic anxiety in anyone. This anxiety creates chemical and physical changes in your body, such as an excess of adrenaline. This excess adrenaline makes it harder for your body to produce the cells it needs to fight the cancer. The way to alleviate this chronic anxiety is to deal with the negative anxiety emotions outright.

Being able to rid yourself of the extreme anger and hatred that comes with being unable to forgive means that your body will no longer be a victim of the chronic anxiety these feelings produce. This isn’t just with cancer, however. Focusing on forgiveness has been proven to heal the emotional and mental scars that many of us carry throughout our lives. A recent study on female survivors of emotional abuse focused on women’s forgiveness regarding their healing process.

The study found that the women who used forgiveness as a form of healing were less likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and anxiety. Forgiveness can be the path to helping people deal with all sorts of illnesses, both mental and physical. That’s because of the way our emotions work has a proven effect on our physical well-being.  Counselors who specialize in the art of forgiveness relay that this process begins with one’s self-acceptance. In fact, they note how turning your effort inward into forgiveness allows you to release all that pent-up anger at those who have hurt you in the past.

 

cancer

Final Thoughts on Releasing Negativity and Loving Yourself

Once you can focus on yourself, you no longer hold the grudges that made you ill in the first place. Less emotional turmoil means that your mind and your body are well on your way to healing. Learning to forgive can be difficult. That’s why there are therapies dedicated to this process! However, no matter the challenges, learning to allow yourself to forgive means that you will be a more healthy and happy individual. Forgiveness is rarely about the other person.

Forgiveness is about being able to release negativity from holding you down. In this case, it can make you ill. After all that research, we see how positive emotions can bring about the best of changes in your life.

References
Negativity Literally Makes Cancer Grow Inside The Body, According To Science
http://healinglifeisnatural.com/negativity-literally-makes-cancer-grow-inside-the-body-according-to-science/?=pa

Researchers Explain What Happens To Your Brain When You Wake Up In The Middle Of The Night

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Sleep and the brain

Before we delve any further, let’s consider this statistic: in 2013, 40 percent of Americans did not get the recommended amount of sleep per night (seven to eight hours.)

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has labeled insufficient sleep a public health issue. Worse, inadequate sleep negatively impacts how your brain functions.

Dr. Richard Shane, a behavioral sleep specialist, states: “MRI imaging shows a lack of sleep reduces blood flow to areas of the brain that control higher-level thought processes. It impairs your problem-solving abilities, slows your cognitive speed, and decreases constructive thinking skills and logical reasoning.”

In other words, inadequate sleep reduces your brain’s effectiveness in nearly every way imaginable.

When asked about what sleep does, John Peever, director of the Systems Neurobiology Laboratory at the University of Toronto, replied, “Sleep serves to reenergize the body’s cells, clear waste from the brain, and support learning and memory. It is vital in regulating mood, appetite, and libido.”

The Effects of Irregular Sleep On Your Brain

deep sleep

Clearing waste from the brain is an essential mechanism of sleep. During this phase, the cerebrospinal flows through our brain and flushes out all kinds of toxins. One hazardous type of chemical cleansed during this process is beta-amyloid – a toxic protein.

Megan Hogan, a co-author of the study, explains her team’s findings:

“Using PET (Positron Emission Tomography) scans over the course of three years, we studied amyloid building and were able to compare the brain scans of individuals with obstructive sleep apnea and those who did not have the disease.”

Hogan and her team were especially interested in a condition known as obstructive sleep apnea, or OSA. Sleep apnea disrupts sleep through “repeated episodes of (under-breathing) and apnea (not breathing) during sleep.”

OSA occurs in around 30 percent of women and 20 percent of men. OSA is also directly linked to increased levels of beta-amyloid. As it turns out, beta-amyloid is found in high concentrations within another demographic: Alzheimer’s patients.

“During sleep… your brain has time to wash away all the toxins that have built up throughout the day. Continually interrupting sleep may give it less time to do that.” – Megan Hogan

What Is Alzheimer’s?

Per the Alzheimer’s Association, “Alzheimer’s is a type of dementia that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior.”

Here are some sobering facts about Alzheimer’s disease:

  • It is the most common form of dementia, “a general term for memory loss and other cognitive abilities serious enough to interfere with daily life,” accounting for up to 80 percent of all dementia cases.
  • A progressive disease, symptoms get worse over time. Initially, the person experiences mild memory problems. Later in life, most patients are rendered incapable of conversing or living autonomously.
  • It is the 6th leading cause of death in the United States.
  • Alzheimer’s has no cure (though some recent research has shown promise.)
  • The most common symptoms of Alzheimer’s are difficulty remembering new information, disorientation, mood and behavior changes, confusion, paranoia, and difficulty speaking, swallowing, and walking.

Irregular Sleep and Alzheimer’s

Per the Alzheimer’s Association, two abnormal substances – plaques and tangles – are responsible for the accelerated depletion (killing) of the brain’s nerve cells.

A type of plaque discovered to be widespread in the brains of Alzheimer’s patients post-mortem is beta-amyloid. Scientists believe that beta-amyloid, along with a protein called tau (rhyming with “wow”), block the “communication among nerve cells and disrupt processes that cells need to survive.”

As mentioned, the same type of plaque is seen in patients with irregular sleeping patterns.

brain

Final Thoughts: Brain Health and Sleep Loss Share a Connection

While more studies will follow, there is – at the very least – a correlation between abnormal sleeping patterns and Alzheimer’s disease. Neuroscientists are nearly universal and agree that apnea patients with high concentrations of beta-amyloid within the brain have an increased risk of developing Alzheimer’s.

The simple deduction would conclude that chronic sleeping problems increase the risk of Alzheimer’s.

The study at Wheaton College was not the first to make this discovery, though they did expand on previous works.

Over four years ago, the same researchers responsible for discovering the glymphatic system, our brain’s waste disposal mechanism, reached the following conclusion:

“(This study’s) findings have significant implications for treating ‘dirty brain’ diseases like Alzheimer’s. Understanding how and when the brain activates the glymphatic system and clears waste is critical…”

This most recent study may bring us one step closer. One thing is for sure: proper sleep is crucial to brain health.

If you experience problems sleeping, please seek the advice of a medical professional.

Researchers Explain What Your Favorite Coffee Says About Your Personality

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Coffee and…psychology?

Well, let’s see…

“Police work wouldn’t be possible without coffee,” Wallander said.

“No work would be possible without coffee.”

They pondered the importance of coffee in silence.

­– Henning Mankell, “One Step Behind”

Some researchers believe that how you take your java indicates your personality.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles (and recipient of the University’s 2012 ‘Outstanding Professor’ award) conducted a study of 1,000 coffee drinkers, assessing several personality styles and psychological traits. The professor found that we may have more in common with our favorite coffee order than we know.

The good professor is not alone, either. You know there’s something when Harvard University starts researching our biological connection with coffee.

Researching and writing this article was very entertaining. We hope that you feel the same enjoyment reading it!

(Java drinkers: we’d love to hear your feedback! Do you identify with your coffee of choice or not?)

Without further ado, here’s what your coffee says about your personality:

Black Coffee Drinkers: Simple, straightforward, quiet, moody

Of all coffee lovers in the study, people who take theirs black were found to be more simplistic, patient, and simple. They’re also the most straightforward and to the point. For black coffee drinkers, minimalism (a trait we could all use more of) is something they hold dear.

On the flip side, black coffee drinkers were found to be quiet and moody. Further, they were discovered to be very “set in their ways”; adamant against change of any kind. Anti-social personalities were most prominent in this group, as well. (*Cough*…Dad and Grandpa Joe…*cough*)

Espresso Drinkers: Bold, intense, well-traveled, pretentious

Black coffee is bitter – but not bitter enough for espresso lovers. The taste of espresso is strong, and certainly not on the menu for someone who someone who enjoys a sweeter cup of joe.

So what about espresso drinkers? Their personalities seem to mirror espresso’s properties and social perceptions: bitter and forceful, yet pretentious and excessive. Espresso drinkers are also most likely to have visited another country. Italy, perhaps?

Cappuccino/Frappuccino Drinkers: Trendsetting, adventurous, perfectionistic, sensitive

If you like the sweet, frothy varieties of coffee, you’re the most likely to be an extrovert. You’re also a trendsetter and have a thirst for adventure. Unfortunately, you may also be perfectionistic – a trait that undermines your talent and renders you complacent at times.

You’re also the among the more sensitive types – and have a marked tendency to worry and stress over the small stuff.

Flavored Coffee Drinkers: Creative, imaginative, impulsive, stressed

Flavored coffee drinkers are the ones sitting quietly at the back of the classroom doodling in their notebooks. They’re the daydreamers, artists, and inventors. Indeed, flavored blend drinkers are the most creative of all groups. This creative streak does come at a cost, however.

Like all great creators and artists, they’re whimsical and impulsive. They don’t have a very thick skin, so it’s common to witness a facepalm while they’re holding onto their hazelnut blend.

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Decaf Drinkers: Cautious, observant, obsessive, controlling

First, why do people drink decaf? Well, barring any sensitivities to caffeine, it’s because they enjoy the taste and not the effect. What does this tell us? Quite a bit.

Decaf drinkers tend to be in control – both of themselves and others, if necessary. They’re astute observers and are on the lookout for anything that goes awry. Unfortunately, decaf drinkers are also most likely to obsess about every small detail. They’re also prone to worry, which makes sense given their need for control.

Instant Coffee Drinkers: Ambitious, hardworking/laziness, procrastination

Unfortunately, instant coffee drinkers get hammered on by these studies. Again, it’s important to ask why people drink instant coffee? Well, either you’re busy and require a quick injection of caffeine, or you’re lazy and don’t put much effort into anything.

If you’re in the former group, well done. If you’re in the latter, we would say “try harder, ” but you probably wouldn’t care.

(Opinion: considering that “K-Cups” – a product that borderline classifies as instant caffeine – is a multi-million dollar business, many of us have apparently replaced the word “laziness” with “convenience.”)

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2014/10/07/genetics-explains-why-you-drink-so-much-coffee/#.WXrZhYjfpEZ
http://www.rd.com/health/wellness/what-your-coffee-order-reveals-about-you/
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/10322757/What-your-coffee-reveals-about-your-personality.html
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/coffee

11 Signs Someone Has Bipolar Affective Disorder

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Bipolar Affective Disorder, otherwise referred to as bipolar disorder, is a psychological disorder characterized by “cycles of elevated (manic) and depressed mood, (fitting) the description of ‘manic depression.’”

While not in a state of manic depression, the person may lead a productive life – all while appearing to function normally. However, without proper treatment, people with bipolar disorder are often severely impaired both occupationally and socially.

Estimations cite the prevalence of bipolar disorder at 1.5-2.5 percent of the U.S. population. Bipolar affective disorder is a complex mood illness – to illustrate, consider the following statistics:

  • As many as 20% of people complaining of depression to their doctor actually have bipolar disorder.
  • About half of people with bipolar disorder see three professionals before receiving an accurate diagnosis.
  • It takes an average of 10 years for people to enter treatment for bipolar disorder after symptoms begin. This is caused in part by delays in diagnosis.
  • Most people with bipolar disorder have additional psychiatric conditions (such as substance abuse or anxiety) that can make overall diagnoses more challenging.

The four types of bipolar disorder are:

  • Bipolar I
  • Bipolar II
  • Cyclothymic [sigh-clo-thy-mik] disorder
  • Bipolar disorder not otherwise specified (BP-NOS)

In this article, we’re going to discuss the causes, symptoms, and treatment options available for bipolar disorder.

Signs Someone Has Bipolar Affective Disorder

“ Bipolar disorder is a complex mood illness comprising several diverse types; each distinguished by the pattern, frequency, duration, and intensity of a person’s symptoms. ” – Nina Moadel, M.D., Practicing psychiatrist in Rockville Centre, New York

Signs of Bipolar I and II

Of the four types, bipolar I and II are both the most common and the most similar.

Here are overlapping signs of both bipolar I and II:

  • Constantly changing ideas and topics while talking
  • Loud, rapid, and uninterruptible speech
  • Hyperactive behavior and amplified energy
  • Exaggerated self-image (self-confidence)

What differentiates bipolar I are the severity of symptoms, particularly during the manic phase. Healthhype.com states:

“Bipolar I disorder involves periods of severe mood episodes from mania to depression. Bipolar II disorder is a milder form of mood elevation, involving milder episodes of hypomania that alternate with periods of severe depression.”

Further, the depression-to-mania ratio is markedly higher in bipolar I disorder – at 3:1. Individuals with bipolar II average around 35:1.

Additional signs of bipolar I include:

  • Excessive spending habits
  • Overactive sexual drive (“hypersexuality”)
  • Substance abuse

Bipolar II

As noted, people with bipolar II disorder spend disproportionately more time in a depressed state. Further, their manic episodes are different. Hypomania, or “a mild form of mania, marked by elation and hyperactivity” is typical of bipolar II patients. Fortunately, hypomania does not significantly impact a person’s daily functioning.

A person diagnosed with bipolar II “has had at least one hypomanic episode and one major depressive episode in his or her life.” A major depressive episode involves symptoms severe enough to interfere with daily life. Symptoms include loss of interest or feeling no pleasure in activities, drastic weight fluctuations, insomnia or excessive sleeping, fatigue, inability to concentrate, and suicidal ideations.

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The Mayo Clinic explains the difference between I and II, “While the manic episodes of bipolar I episodes can be severe and dangerous, individuals with bipolar II disorder can be depressed for longer periods, which can cause significant impairment.”

Signs of Cyclothymic disorder (Cyclothymia)

Cyclothymia is a very rare condition – affecting between .4 to 1 percent of the population. The symptoms of the cyclothymic disorder include:

  • A mild, chronic depression
  • Cyclic highs and lows (must be present for a minimum of two years for a diagnosis.)
  • Hypomania

Though Cyclothymia is often described as a milder form of bipolar disorder, it’s a separate illness. However, statistics show that someone who suffers from the disorder is 15-50 percent more likely to develop bipolar I or II. Thus, it is crucial for individuals to seek treatment.

Signs of Bipolar Disorder Otherwise Not Specified (BP-NOS)

BP-NOS is when “a person has symptoms that do not meet the full diagnostic criteria (e.g. mania, hypomania, major depressive episodes, etc.) for bipolar I or bipolar II.”  You might also hear the term subthreshold bipolar disorder used interchangeably with BP-NOS.

Individuals diagnosed with BP-NOS usually experience symptoms that interfere with their normal personality, but often not to the severity or duration required to be diagnosed with bipolar.

Treatment for Bipolar Disorder

Except in cases where a person suffers from extreme mania, issuing a diagnosis of bipolar disorder is tricky. Too often, people who suffer from bipolar II, Cyclothymia, and BP-NOS receive a misdiagnosis of depression. The prescribed treatment, therefore, is usually a failure. Anti-depressants do not address the underlying neurochemical deficiencies.

In severe cases, patients diagnosed with bipolar disorders receive antipsychotic prescriptions. Doctors might also suggest. anti-anxiety medications, including benzodiazepines.

In mild cases, some behavioral therapy options are discussed. The three types of therapy are:

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – a focus on changing negative thoughts and beliefs into positive ones; stress management techniques; identification of trigger points
  • Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) – teaches awareness, distress tolerance, and emotional regulation
  • Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy (IPSRT) – a focus on the stabilization of daily rhythms – especially related to sleep, wake, and mealtimes; routines being indicative of helping stabilize moods.

Researchers Explain Why Men And Women Argue (And 5 Ways to Stop)

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Here’s why some couples may have so many arguments.

Have you ever found yourself in a heated debate with your partner, only to wonder how you even got there in the first place? You’re not alone. Across the globe, couples have arguments over the tiniest of triggers. But what if we told you that the reasons men and women argue are deeply rooted in biology and evolution? 

Diving into the heart of these disagreements can shed light on the age-old mysteries of romantic conflicts. It can also offer invaluable insights on navigating and resolving them. Join us as we unravel the science behind these clashes and, more importantly, discover actionable strategies to foster harmony in your relationship.

The Science Behind Why Couples Argue

We are all products of millions of years of evolution. Our ancestors faced different challenges and played distinct roles that have subtly influenced our behaviors today. But before looking into our prehistoric past, let’s start with something more immediate: our biology.

Biology: More Than Just Chromosomes

When we think of biological differences between men and women, it’s easy to oversimplify things down to XX and XY chromosomes. However, the story is far more intricate. Men and women have distinct brain structures and functions. For instance, studies have shown that women generally have a larger prefrontal cortex responsible for decision-making. They may also have a more prominent limbic system, which governs emotions. That doesn’t mean one gender is more emotional or rational than the other; it simply highlights that our brains process information differently.

Hormonal differences further accentuate these disparities. While both genders produce hormones like estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, the levels and effects vary. For example, testosterone, often linked to aggression and competitiveness, is higher in men. On the other hand, women’s hormonal fluctuations during menstrual cycles can influence mood and perception. Recognizing these inherent differences can be the first step towards understanding the unique ways each gender communicates and reacts.

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A Glimpse into Our Ancestral Roles

Taking a step back, our evolutionary roles as hunters (men) and gatherers (women) have left an indelible mark on our behaviors. Men, as hunters, tracked and hunted down prey. It was a role that required focus, strategy, and sometimes, isolation. That might explain why, in modern times, some men prefer to “retreat” and process things internally when faced with challenges.

Conversely, women, as gatherers, collected food and nurtured the young. This role demanded collaboration, communication, and multitasking. Unsurprisingly, many women today are naturally inclined towards open communication and seeking communal support when dealing with issues.

Common Triggers for Couples Who Argue

Now that we have examined some research and history…what exactly kicks off an argument? Here are a few common themes.

The Art and Science of Communication

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. But it’s also one of the most common culprits behind disagreements. Expressing our thoughts, feelings, and concerns can bridge gaps or widen chasms. So why do men and women often seem to speak different languages, even when using the same words?

Research shows that men and women often have distinct communication preferences. 

Men, for instance, tend to be more solution-oriented. When faced with a problem, their instinct might be to find a fix, a direct action that can address the issue at hand. At times, the problem-solving can be abstract. Although solutions are valuable, women can sometimes view them as dismissive. That may especially happen if the other party seeks empathy or validation.

Women, on the other hand, often prioritize emotional expression. Sharing feelings, venting frustrations, or being heard can be therapeutic. For many women, discussing an issue and feeling understood can be just as important, if not more so, than finding an immediate solution.

The Emotional Landscape

Emotions are complex, and their role in arguments is fundamental. Men and women have different emotional needs or ways of expressing these emotions. For instance, while both genders seek respect, how they interpret and need it can vary. A man might feel respected when his expertise is acknowledged. On the other hand, a woman might equate respect with being heard and valued.

Furthermore, misunderstandings can arise when one partner assumes the other should “just know” how they feel. Expecting a partner to be a mind reader is a recipe for disappointment. That’s because it can lead to feelings of neglect or being taken for granted.

External Pressures and Their Role

Life’s external stressors – work, finances, health, or family pressures – can significantly influence the dynamics of a relationship. Financial woes, for instance, are a leading cause of strife among couples. Disagreements about spending, saving, or financial priorities can quickly escalate. That’s especially true if underlying issues like trust or security are at play.

Similarly, pressures from extended family, differing parenting styles, or even societal expectations can start arguments. It’s essential to recognize that sometimes, the root of an argument might not be the immediate issue at hand but an underlying concern or fear.

By understanding these common triggers, couples can better navigate disagreements. It’s not about avoiding arguments altogether—after all, disagreements can be healthy and lead to growth. Instead, it’s about ensuring that couples approach them with understanding and empathy when conflicts arise. But most of all, they need a genuine desire to resolve them constructively.

5 Ways to Stop the Arguments

Arguments are a natural part of any relationship. They often signify two individuals trying to merge their distinct perspectives, values, and experiences. However, continuous and unresolved conflicts can strain even the strongest bonds. Here are five proven strategies to reduce the frequency of disagreements and address them in a healthy, constructive manner.

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1. The Power of Active Listening When You Argue

Active listening goes beyond just hearing words. It’s about truly understanding and internalizing what your partner is saying. That means resisting the urge to formulate a response while they’re speaking, avoiding interruptions, and giving them your full attention. You will validate their feelings and show that you genuinely care about their perspective. Often, just feeling heard can defuse a lot of tension.

2. Steer Clear of the Blame Game

It’s easy to point fingers or assign blame during heated moments. However, doing so rarely leads to a resolution and often exacerbates the situation. Instead of saying, “You always…” or “You never…”, try expressing your feelings and needs. For instance, “I feel hurt when…” or “I would appreciate it if…”. This shift from blame to expression can pave the way for a more constructive conversation.

3. Consider Professional Guidance if You Argue Frequently

There’s no shame in seeking external help. Couples therapy or counseling can provide a neutral ground where both parties can express their feelings, guided by a professional. Therapists can offer tools, techniques, and insights to help couples navigate their unique challenges and strengthen their bond.

4. Set and Respect Boundaries

Every individual has boundaries—lines that a partner must never cross. These can include personal space, communication styles, or even past experiences. Both partners must communicate their boundaries clearly and ensure they’re respected. Recognizing and honoring these limits can prevent many arguments from arising in the first place.

5. Recognize When to Take a Breather if You Argue

Not every disagreement needs immediate resolution. Sometimes, emotions run too high, making productive conversation impossible. In such cases, stepping back, cooling down, and revisiting the issue later is okay. This break can provide clarity and perspective, allowing both parties to approach the situation calmly.

Implementing these strategies requires effort, patience, and commitment from both parties. However, the rewards—a deeper understanding, strengthened bond, and a harmonious relationship—are worth the effort.

The Role of Empathy When You Argue

Empathy is a powerful tool. In fact, it can connect two individuals, allowing them to see the world through each other’s eyes. But what is empathy, and why is it so pivotal in resolving conflicts between men and women?

Understanding Empathy

Empathy is an ability to comprehend and share another’s feelings. It’s more than just sympathy, which is compassion for someone else’s plight. Empathy involves immersing oneself in another’s emotional state, truly feeling their joy, pain, or confusion. It’s a skill that can be honed and developed with practice and intention.

Empathy in Action

Imagine a scenario where one partner comes home after a particularly challenging day at work, feeling defeated and overwhelmed. Instead of offering solutions or dismissing their feelings, the other partner says, “That sounds really tough. I’m here for you.” 

This simple acknowledgment, without judgment or advice, can be incredibly comforting. It sends a clear message: “I see you. I hear you. I’m with you.”

Empathy as a Conflict Resolver

When disagreements arise, empathy can be a game-changer. By trying hard to understand where the other person is coming from, you can diffuse tension and pave the way for a constructive conversation. 

For instance, try to understand the underlying emotion or need to drive your partner’s words instead of getting defensive when faced with criticism. Are they feeling neglected? Are they seeking validation? Addressing these core emotions can often resolve surface-level disagreement.

The Challenges of Being Empathetic

While empathy is a powerful tool, it’s not always easy to employ, especially during heated moments. It requires setting aside one’s ego, biases, and preconceived notions. 

It demands vulnerability, openness, and a willingness to see beyond one’s perspective. However, the effort is well worth it. Empathetic interactions foster trust, deepen emotional connections, and promote a sense of safety and security in a relationship.

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Final Thoughts on Why Men and Women Argue

Relationships, with all their nuances, joys, and challenges, are a journey of discovery. As we’ve explored, the reasons men and women argue are multifaceted, rooted in biology, evolution, societal norms, and individual experiences. But with every disagreement comes an opportunity to understand, grow, and forge a deeper bond.

Recognizing the triggers of conflicts, armed with tools like active listening, empathy, and setting boundaries, can transform how couples interact. Instead of viewing arguments as battles to win, view them as conversations, avenues to understand and be understood.

It’s essential to remember that no relationship is perfect. Disagreements are natural, even healthy. They challenge us, push us out of our comfort zones, and prompt introspection. The goal isn’t to eliminate arguments but to ensure they’re constructive, leading to growth and understanding.

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