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20 Negative Behaviors a Vain Person Displays

August 18, 2021 by Chris Butler

What do you think of when you hear the term “vain person?” Do you imagine someone who is always looking in the mirror, a person who’s addicted to having a perfect physical appearance, or do you see someone who is superficial and conceited? Well, vanity is all those things and more.

A vain person usually has a grandiose view of themselves, or so it appears to the outside world. In most instances, this person puts a great deal of emphasis on their appearance to cover up the insecurities on the inside. It’s also possible that this individual has a narcissistic personality disorder that’s causing them to have these feelings.

According to the National Library of Medicine, narcissistic folks have an increased need for admiration, and they lack empathy for others. They often display patterns of grandiosity that stem from inner turmoil. They’re self-centered and have a challenging time maintaining relationships because of their actions.

Twenty Negative Behaviors of a Vain Person

Can you easily spot the negative actions of a selfish person? Their vain nature makes them pretty obvious and hard to ignore. However, here are twenty toxic behaviors that you’re dealing with someone who’s very arrogant.

1. Worrying About What Other People Think

They put a great deal of effort into what others think of them. In fact, they go over the top worried that someone might not think their superior in all things, including their appearance.

2. Puts a Great Deal of Emphasis on Appearance

They want to camouflage the hurts they feel inside, so the best way to do this is to emphasize their presence. They want every hair to be in place and to wear the most stylish clothes. Their outward exterior is so perfect that it’s hard for them to live life without fear of getting something out of place.

3. Can’t Admit Their Faults

This person won’t admit that they’re wrong. Even when faced with undeniable proof, they will fight to the death to keep from admitting defeat.

4. Often Have Anger Issues

It’s not uncommon to see someone with vanity also have issues with anger. Remember, they’re often trying to hide the inside problems, which can cause them to be a ticking time bomb. You will see their inner rage come out if you challenge them or their opinions.

5. Will Resort to Theatrics

Everything this person does is over the top, including their entire personality. They will often resort to theatrics to get your attention. They love to be in the center of it all, so their theatrical displays are often Oscar-worthy.

6. Addicted To Taking Selfies

They always have their camera ready to take a pic at a moment’s notice. They can’t pass a billboard, statute, or other location without feeling the need to snap a picture.

They have tons of selfies because they think that anything and everything is another reason for a snapshot. Others are quite put off by the constant picture taking, as it can be interruptive it’s so frequent.

7. Obsessed With Social Media Platforms

Since they like to take selfies so much, they use social media to share their beauty with the world. These outlets are the perfect spot to get their ego stroked by people “liking” their photos. Folks might become annoyed at all the images of themselves they post, and they probably get “unfriended” a lot.

8. Has an Inflated View of Themselves

They come across to others as having an inflated view of themselves, their worth, and their appearance. They act like they’re the best thing that ever walked the face of the earth, or so they like to make others believe. Remember, they’re trying to make you believe that because they have issues with poor self-esteem.

9. Doesn’t Consider Consequences of Their Actions

They act first and worry about the consequences later. They have impulse control issues, which may or may not stem from other underlying mental health conditions. It’s not uncommon for the narcissist to have other mental health problems that fuel their fire.

The National Library of Medicine states that a borderline personality sometimes accompanies the selfish person, and it’s one mental illness that is extremely challenging to treat.

10. Won’t Listen to Reasoning

Forget trying to reason with this person, as their view is so skewed that they cannot entertain what others say. They only care about their thoughts and opinions, so save your breath.

11. Are Often Loud and Proud

You’ll always know when someone has vanity issues and is self-absorbed because they’re very loud and proud. They like to dominate conversations to talk about themselves. They’re also not above raising their volume to ensure they’re heard.

12. Gives Unsolicited Advice on How Others Can Also Be Perfect

Since they come across as someone who has it all together, they want to share their knowledge with others. They often love to instruct other people on how they, too, can live a perfect life. However, most of their advice falls on deaf ears.

13. Lives a Life With No Apologies to Anyone

It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong; they live their life with no apologies. Even if they’re incorrect on something, don’t think they will ever admit to it. They can hurt your feelings, walk all over you, and act as if nothing happened.

14. Exaggerates Their Abilities

When it comes to job hunting or just regular conversation, they like to exaggerate their abilities. There’s nothing they can’t do or haven’t done in the past. Their inflated view of self-worth makes them come across as the most talented person.

However, when those skills are put to the test, they often fail miserably. Just don’t expect them to admit defeat, as they will turn it around and make it someone else’s fault.

15. Exaggerates Their Worth

This person likes to exaggerate, so they may tell tall tales of how much they’re worth. They want to make others think they have thousands in the bank and live on easy street. They suffer from inferiority complexes, which according to the National Library of Medicine is something that often begins in childhood.

16. Doesn’t Have Healthy Human Interactions

The vain person often doesn’t have healthy human interactions, as their actions often make relationships toxic. They’re tough to get along with, especially since they can grate on the nerves.

17. Often Disagreeable or Rude

You already know that they’re disagreeable because they feel they’re always right, but they can also be downright rude. Don’t ever corner the person who suffers from vanity, as they will come out swinging. They will put you down, resort to using derogatory terms, and do anything in their power to maintain their illusion of perfection.

18. Their Value System Is Skewed

They don’t have the value and moral systems of the average person. They’re not above using unscrupulous methods to accomplish their agenda. Additionally, they’re not going to go out of their way for you, but they will expect you to drop everything to help them when they need it.

19. They’re Focused on Material Possessions

The person who suffers from vanity issues is exceptionally focused on material possessions. They believe that their accomplishments in life are all about material gains. They want the biggest and best homes, cars, clothes, jewelry, and anything else that gets them the attention they desire.

20. They Live in a Fantasy World

It’s clear by this list that the vain person lives in a fantasy world. It’s a space they’ve created that helps them to feel secure. The truth is they’re very insecure on the inside, but they wouldn’t dare let anyone see the lack of self-confidence they conceal.

Final Thoughts on Behaviors of a Vain Person

Vanity, by definition, is someone who has a heightened view of themselves and their abilities. Many people think that vain people only care about looks, but it goes much deeper than outward appearance. Not only do they care about their physique but also their achievements.

When a person suffers from abuse, neglect, or dependency issues as a child, they often have inner needs that go unmet. They grew up with a skewed sense of reality during the formative years that permanently damaged their self-view. So, to cover up for these heartbreaks and hurts, they try to overachieve at everything they do in life.

Now, the arrogant person doesn’t always have to come from a broken home or trauma, as some folks develop this heightened sense of pride over time. Whatever the underlying cause, they can be pretty taxing to handle, and they’re often the center of much controversy at work, social gatherings, and in your personal life.

Do you know someone that suffers from issues with vanity? Do you recognize some of these behaviors listed above in people you know? The best thing you can do is steer clear of the vain one, or at least encourage them to get help for their grandiose sense of self-worth.

3 Ways Worrying Makes Us Better Problem Solvers

August 18, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever wondered why the weight of your problems seems to be crushing? Have you ever laid awake at night not being able to get “what if?” thoughts out of your head? This is what worry can feel like, an all-encompassing dark cloud. It disallows you from thinking logically and coming up with reasonable solutions to your issues.

But worrying is entirely normal, especially in today’s society. Today you may feel like no matter how hard you try, you can never be quite perfect. Thankfully, by following the proper steps, you can turn all your worry into a tool to become a better problem solver.

Why Do People Worry?

Worrying is usually seen as an issue, a negative trait. Although it can spin out of control, worrying is only as positive or negative as you allow it to be.

Anxiety researchers describe the process of worrying as a sequence of repetitive thoughts, mental images, and emotions that have uncertain outcomes.

Throughout history, worry has been defined both in adverse and favorable terms. As of late, the tendency has shifted towards positive connotations. It tends to be associated less and less with anxiety and more with a trigger of motivation. For example, psychologists studying climate have described worry as an emotional state that leads to behavioral responses to reduce a threat. One study found that worry about climate change was the primary catalyst for building support for climate policies.

While concern about climate might be uncorrelated with your daily life, the underlying worry mechanisms remain the same. That fact is true whether we’re talking about wildfires or your life problems. In addition, worry links to academic performance and more attempts to quit smoking; the positive effects of concern are pretty straightforward.

Worry focuses on the future, not allowing you to be a good problem solver in the present.

So it is true that overthinking can lead to feelings of anxiety. On the other hand, you can use a moderate level to your advantage–right now! So, how exactly do you manage the levels of your worry?

Most psychologists recommend creating a “worry list” and a “worry period.”

Take 20 to 30 minutes a day to think about what your concerns are. Write them down and go over the list. Finally, consider ways to deal with your problems. Dr. Colleen Carney, Associate Professor at Ryerson University, has even created a “constructive worry worksheet” with clear instructions on how to turn your concerns into positives.

You can keep worry to a moderate level and use it as a tool. But how exactly can you use this tool to become a better problem solver?

What Are The Attributes Of Good Problem Solvers?

Problem solvers, especially effective ones, are not just your average person dealing with the problems they face. Problem solvers develop a skill and a mechanism when it comes to approaching a problem and coming up with a solution.

To effectively problem-solve, research suggests you must be able to analyze situations and use critical thinking. Integral to the process is identifying and defining issues and opportunities, generating different courses of action, evaluating the risks, and selecting the most viable option based on this analysis.

Probably the most critical aspect of problem-solving is the ability to be self-critical and never settle on the first solution you stumble upon. This is where the concept of worry comes in handy. So, what are the main ways in which you can use worry to your advantage?

3 Ways Worrying Makes Us Better Problem Solvers

When you release your worries, it becomes less challenging to solve problems.

1. Worrying Is The Best Way To Pinpoint What Your Issues Are

Sometimes people aren’t even consciously aware of all the problems they face. You tend to focus on what you believe is the most pressing issue that you can lose sight of all other things that could be improved upon. Of course, significant issues like “how can I advance in my career” are the things that you logically gravitate towards solving, but if you listen to what your subconscious tells us, we might find that there could be even more pressing.

As mentioned before, worry is a sequence of repetitive thoughts. Logically, we want to believe that our most significant issues are the ones society tells us we should care about most, like job, family, money, appearance; but sometimes that is just not the case. Sometimes, the image we cannot get out of our head is an image about how we should have helped someone in need when we had the chance or how we should have tried that hobby we have always yearned to try. That is to say. Our biggest problems are the ones we feel most passionately about, not the ones we falsely believe we should care about the most.

Furthermore, it can be the best warning sign we have. Suddenly feeling worried about a specific household appliance, for example, can be a way for your brain to warn you that something is wrong that you might not have noticed consciously, studies suggest.

Putting Worry to Work As You Solve Problems

By worrying and following a plan like the constructive worry worksheet, you will effectively identify the issues in need of solving, thus being able to start forming a coherent plan of action in regards to that issue. Whereas, if you would never have pinpointed the problems, you wouldn’t have a starting point. In fact, you’d be stuck still trying to solve issues that are of less importance to you.

So, next time you worry about your car breaking down, take it to a shop! Simply because you care about that problem so much, taking steps towards solving it will make you happier. Not only that, but you will never neglect to do check-ups on your car if you listen to your worry.

2. You Can Use Challenges To Become a Better Problem Solver

When faced with many issues, humans tend to start feeling like they have no incentive even to try juggling all of their responsibilities.

“What good does it do fixing this small problem when I feel buried underneath a dozen other issues I cannot handle?”

Focusing on what worries you can fuel your desire to start acting again, research states.

Worry triggers the need to shield yourself from uncertain outcomes. Thus, it incentivizes you and showing you the reasons why you should take proper action and adopt a problem-oriented mentality. If you wouldn’t be concerned about certain things in life, chances are you would not care about the potential adverse outcomes they could have. Therefore, you wouldn’t have the proper incentive to be proactive, even if dealing with problems is often tricky.

Here’s an everyday example you’ll recognize.

Why sacrifice precious time in the day to clean your coffee-maker is and fail on you tomorrow? And this hypothetical situation doesn’t even have long-lasting consequences on your life. But if you wouldn’t worry about losing your job, chances are you would lose motivation and start underperforming.

Worry doesn’t let you slack off. By never leaving your thoughts, the repetitive images you have when worrying will turn you into a better problem solver by constantly reminding you why you make an effort to solve your issues instead of pushing them under the rug.

3. Worrying Prepares You For The Worst Possible Outcome

It doesn’t sound pleasant. Why would you prepare for the worst? Indeed, you should be more positive and think that the worst could never happen!

Of course, a positive attitude sounds all nice and dandy. But the truth is that a good problem solver cannot afford not to think about all the possible outcomes. And yes, that means even the worst ones are likely. Remember, integral to the process of problem-solving is the ability to analyze all possible results, never settle on the first course of action and always be self-critical.

Worrying makes you think about a particular problem enough that you allow yourself to go through all possible scenarios in your head. Worry itself doesn’t have to be a negative experience when analyzing the worst possible outcomes. Indeed, concern often accompanies other negative feelings, maybe fear, maybe disappointment, perhaps different feelings. And yes, this can seem like a burden, but it has long-term benefits.

Remember how worry connects to better academic performance?

This outcome is because the people who worry the most are already mentally prepared for even the worst possible outcome. Research shows that if you fear before an adverse event, you’re less likely to respond to that even with an overwhelming burst of negative emotion. So, while worry may make you feel certain negative emotions, it prepares you for the worst. Furthermore, it allows you to spread that negative emotion in sustainable ways instead of experiencing a blindsiding of negative emotion all at once.

It also enables you to plan for every possible outcome.

The fact that you can shield yourself from feeling many negative emotions at once allows you to remain logical and collected. Thus, you stay in a better state of mind. You will be able to come up with a solution to the issue you’re facing. If you wouldn’t have been prepared for the worst, the chances are that being hit with the worst would have just made you mentally collapse. Of course, that would render you unable to quickly and efficiently solve your problems.

Say you’re worried about that meeting you have with the boss on Monday. Stressing over this meeting means that in your mind you either already considered a backup plan or are at least mentally prepared to move on and find something better. And if the boss wants to offer you a promotion, all that fear will make the accomplishment taste that much sweeter.

Final Thoughts On How Worrying Makes You A Better Problem Solver

It’s perfectly normal not to know how to manage your worry. Don’t remain in a place in which you replay the same thoughts over and over again. But, if you ever feel like your problems are overwhelming, you might want to try worrying a little bit. Worrying helps you focus and pick only the most pressing issues out of the bunch. So it keeps you motivated and mentally prepares you to face the worst. This emotion enables you to plan for any scenario.

Next time you feel a little concerned about that project from work, remember that worry can help you tackle that project in no time!

Study Explains Why Disadvantaged Children Face Cognitive Challenges

August 18, 2021 by Kristen Lawrence

A new study shows that disadvantaged children have a heightened risk of developing cognitive and behavioral challenges. Researchers found that children raised in poverty have more physical and mental stress. These effects even last into early adulthood, compounding the difficulties that come with daily life.

Many prior studies have analyzed the physical effects of childhood poverty. The research also discovered an association between mental health and socioeconomic classes. However, the authors of this study took a different approach, wanting to see if childhood poverty affects people into adulthood. If it did, how?

Deanna Barch, chair and professor in the Department of Psychological & Brain Sciences in Arts & Sciences at Washington University, St. Louis, led the study. She collaborated with her colleague Joan Juby, MD, the Samuel and Mae S. Ludwig Professor of Child Psychiatry in the School of Medicine.

About the study of the cognitive challenges faced by disadvantaged children

To conduct the research, Luby, March, and other colleagues, collected data from families who volunteered for the study. Researchers followed the families through early adulthood, which included 216 preschoolers, for 17 years. Researchers took brain scans of participants throughout the study period to determine how low socioeconomic status affected brain development. They then used this information to analyze relationships between preschool socioeconomic status (SES) and early adulthood cognitive, social, academic, and psychiatric outcomes.

The results were published July 14, 2021, in the journal Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging.

Barch said this:

“First and foremost: yes. Early poverty sadly continues to predict worse outcomes in all of these domains.”

Researchers found that even if a child’s socioeconomic status changes before adulthood, brain development remains impaired.

“We think poverty and all of the things associated with it” — such as stress, inadequate nutrition, less access to health care — “impact brain development,” she said. “If we can prevent poverty, we can help circumvent some of these negative outcomes.”

For the research, the team gathered participants, including primary caregivers and their 3- to 5-year-old children. To increase accuracy, they used a specific questionnaire to recruit more children with symptoms of depression. This way, the researchers could differentiate between the effects of poverty and preexisting mental disorders.

Next, the researchers interviewed the children once a year. When they turned sixteen, they tested the young adults for cognitive function, psychiatric disorders, high-risk behaviors, educational outcomes, and social function. During the seventeen-year study, volunteers also underwent five brain scans that measured local and global brain matter volumes. This information allowed researchers to determine whether brain development mediated risks for poverty.

In other words, do changes in the brain due to childhood poverty cause lasting effects into adulthood?

Then, the team controlled for variables including preschool psychopathology along with significant life events. Researchers found that socioeconomic status in preschool impacted cognitive function, high-risk behaviors, social function, and academic performance 13+ years after the children joined the study.

Brain health and disadvantaged children

The research team performed brain scans, providing physical proof of poverty’s toll on young children. Children living below the poverty line in preschool had smaller volumes of subcortical brain regions such as the hippocampus, caudate, putamen, and thalamus.

“But also they had less growth in these regions over time,” Barch said. “So they’re starting out smaller and not growing as much.”

In scientific research, subcortical regions often get overlooked since they’re not directly responsible for a specific cognitive or emotional function. Instead, they act as messengers, sending information to other brain regions where higher-order functioning takes place.

“The thalamus, for example, doesn’t always get a lot of love in the literature,” Barch said, “but it’s a very important relay structure that helps coordinate the transfer of information from the brainstem to higher-order cortical areas. These brain regions are like important waypoints on the highway of the brain.”

These areas of the brain are susceptible to environmental factors like pollution and inadequate nutrition. These factors disproportionally affect disadvantaged children and adults.

The silver lining in the new research

However, researchers want to stress that childhood poverty doesn’t necessarily determine a person’s future. While these children may face more setbacks, they can still overcome them with the right support and resources. In fact, in future research, Barch wants to test this theory by tracking the effects of the recent child tax credit on children’s brain development.

“Plenty of kids have wonderful outcomes despite growing up in poverty,” Barch said. “Growing up in poverty makes things harder for people, but it is preventable. That’s the good news: We can do something about this.”

The study actually helped the participants as much as the researchers. Simply by showing up over the years through adolescence and even after becoming young parents, in some cases, the volunteers gained valuable insight.

“It’s pretty amazing,” Barch said. “They have made a huge contribution to science.”

This research shows that early life circumstances don’t always determine a person’s fate. With the right support and resources, disadvantaged children can have better outcomes in life. This doesn’t downplay the struggles they face but rather focuses on turning these obstacles into opportunities.

It’s also important to remember that the brain can adapt over time, also known as neuroplasticity. As a person gains more knowledge and experience, their brains adapt to these new inputs and situations. So, by feeding the brain positive information and having a growth mindset, a person can actually rewire their neural pathways. Pretty cool, right?!

Final thoughts on the study proving that disadvantaged children may face cognitive impairments

A new study by researchers from Washington University shows that impoverished children face significant cognitive challenges. Compared to children of a higher socioeconomic status, disadvantaged children have smaller volumes in critical brain regions. This can impact them even into young adulthood.

However, the study also shows that these children can have bright futures with the right resources and support. A strong support system, educational opportunities, and financial aid can positively impact disadvantaged children and their families. Every nation should strive for equality, and by eradicating poverty, we’ll be one step closer to achieving it.

8 Habits That Prove a Person Is Accountable for Their Behavior

August 18, 2021 by Deborah Tayloe

Dependability might be one of the most notable abilities you can have. Isn’t it assuring you to know whom you can trust for a job well done? You also want others to see that you stand by your word and are accountable for your actions.

Having accountability for behaviors makes you a stronger, more trusted individual. That attribute shows others that you are honest and reliable.

Accountable Versus Responsible

Remember back in high school when the teacher assigned group projects? They usually divided the class into equal groups and gave each group a specific task. It was up to you and your unit to decide who would be responsible for each phase of the work.

Most of the time, classmates in your group took their tasks seriously and fulfilled their fair share of the project. However, you probably noted times when there was a slacker. They were responsible for the task, but they refused to be accountable for completing it.

Professional Accountability

Some things don’t change even into adulthood. Maybe you’ve been involved in a group effort at work, and some colleagues didn’t do their share. Not only do you and the other mindful people on the team do extra work, but it causes frustration and low morale.

That’s the difference between being responsible for your actions and being accountable. Only when you take an active role in your responsibilities can you hold yourself into account. When people realize that you’ll fulfill your promises and obligations, they’ll deem you as dependable and trustworthy.

An article published by the Office of Human Resources for NIH defines accountability as knowing your responsibilities and the overall objectives of your group or company. You’ll also reach out to fellow workers when they need help. Owning both positive and negative outcomes of your work is part of accountability to yourself and others.

Personal Accountability

It probably takes all your strength and ability to juggle responsibilities at home and work. Even if you work from home, you’re often pulled in a hundred directions as everyone seems to be vying for your attention. Not only do you answer to your boss, but you also answer to your family and friends.

In healthy professional and personal relationships, people take ownership of what they say and do. You’re a respectable person when you admit your mistakes and shortcomings and use them as learning tools. However, toxic people seek to shift the blame and refuse to claim accountability.

Eight Habits of Responsible People Who Are Accountable for Their Actions

Do you consider yourself a person who family, friends, and coworkers say is reliable and will accept responsibility? Sure, everyone makes mistakes, and you’ll have to apologize and try to correct the situation. There’s a difference between expecting perfection and anticipating one’s best efforts.

How can you tell if people take their responsibilities seriously? Do you and your significant another share equal liability in the relationship? Are you frustrated with a toxic friend or coworker who won’t own up to their shortcomings?

Whether the relationship is professional or personal, it won’t work for long if it’s one-sided. People who value accountability have everyday habits that cultivate this desirable trait. Here are eight practices these people have to prove that they own their actions:

1. They Take Their Role Seriously

Understandably, some pupils in a group project may push their part on to others in their group. Unfortunately, it can be a bad habit that continues into adulthood in personal and professional relationships. At some point, these people never learned how crucial accountability is in life.

Those who learned the concept early on take their role seriously at home and work. As part of a family, relationship, or team, you realize that everything you do and say affects everyone. You also understand that healthy relationships require dedication and work.

2. They Don’t Make Excuses

Toxic people often have narcissistic personalities and refuse to accept any blame for their mistakes. Instead, they skillfully point fingers at others and make excuses. No matter how easy the task was, they have an arsenal of skewed reasons why they’re not at fault.

Conversely, reliable people don’t need lame excuses because they’ll do what’s required. You won’t throw your mate or coworker under the bus when things go south. Also, you try to be proactive and practice good problem-solving techniques instead of fabricating ways to excuse yourself.

3. An Accountable Person Is Punctual

In a scene from a popular movie, a queen arrives at a ball a few minutes later than when it started. She replied to her courtiers that the queen is never late. Everybody else is just too early.

Unless you are royalty, this excuse for being late won’t be accepted. No matter what your job title or whom you are meeting, punctuality is crucial to accountability. Try being late for work a few times, and you may find yourself out of a job.

Likewise, be punctual with your mate, family, and friends. When you say you’ll meet them at a specific time, do it. Should something unforeseeable happen, contact them as soon as possible?

Also, reliable people accomplish their assigned duties and obligations on time. If your boss sees that you are punctual with smaller assignments and reports, they are more apt to trust you with larger ones.

4. They Control Their Emotions

Understandably, very few people are jolly when working against the clock. If you’ve ever had a time-sensitive group task at work, you know that things can go wrong, and tempers can flare. Responsible people have learned how to keep their emotions in check.

Just because you had a bad day at the office doesn’t excuse you from taking it out on the family, and vice-versa. If anger is an issue, you can learn techniques such as meditation to cope with it effectively. Try not to allow your emotions to impede your responsibilities at home or work.

5. They Work Together

It’s a given that you’ll experience a glory hog at least once in your life’s experience. These people often take a superior tone and won’t budge on their techniques, ideas, or opinions. In personal relationships, they bring toxicity that makes the other person feel intimidated and inferior.

As you practice being more accountable in your life, you realize the importance of cooperation. You learn to actively listen to your coworkers and make the necessary compromises for overall success. You value your affiliation, and you want to work together for years with satisfaction in your relationship.

Just because you are a cooperative person doesn’t mean you must be a doormat. As a person who takes your responsibilities seriously, you have a right to expect the same from others. If you must shoulder all the faults in a personal or professional relationship, you may need to re-evaluate the situation.

6. It’s Not all For Praise

Of course, humans have an intrinsic need for acceptance and appreciation. Not everything you do is selfless. However, getting praise can’t be your motivation for owning up to your responsibilities.

You probably know some people whose arms are tired from constantly patting themselves on the back. As a person who values accountability, you don’t need a pedestal to accomplish your duties efficiently. You also know how to show love and kindness to your mate and others without expecting anything in return.

7. They Don’t Procrastinate

You may feel at ease when you see that something is due in a week or a month. Maybe in the past, you were the kid who waited the night before to cram for an exam. According to an article published by Eric Jaffe for the Association of Psychological Science, procrastination is a problem that’s plagued people throughout recorded history.

One of the beneficial habits of reliable people is knowing how to pace themselves to get the job done. Waiting until the last minute only leads to frustrations and substandard work. When you procrastinate in a love relationship, your partner may think you don’t care and aren’t dependable.

Since you know your style of work best, use calendars and other visual reminders. Write down important dates and compose a list of materials you’ll need. It’s also helpful to break the goal into smaller tasks so you aren’t overwhelmed and you’ll be motivated by accomplishments.

8. They Know How to Apologize

It’s a serious misconception that an apology means conveys only that you are sorry. While that’s a start, genuine apologies go further than expressing your feelings. It’s about taking responsibility for your words and actions without offering excuses. Plus, you try to make amends and a concerted effort not to repeat the same mistakes.

People will respect you more when you’re honest and own up to your mistakes. Use it as a lesson for the future and go on from there. Keep in mind that you need to make some changes if you’re constantly apologizing for the same things.

Final Thoughts on the Habits of Accountable People

Do you want to be the person your family, friends, and coworkers depend on and trust? Consider putting these and other beneficial suggestions into practice. Not only will you learn to have accountability to others, but you’ll also be accountable to yourself.

All in My Head: Women Often Ignored for Severe Pain

August 18, 2021 by Lindsay Rae

Severe pain impacts women, but health professionals often ignore their voices.

One of the most disheartening things to happen to me during the coronavirus pandemic was giving myself a skin infection on my chin from picking due to stressing over the shutdowns. I opted for a virtual doctor’s appointment to avoid going in person. The online app doctor looked at me through the camera. She commented, “Well, good thing there are masks, right, honey?”

She said to me about my face, “Good thing there’s masks, so other people don’t have to see your face.”

Now, of course, she didn’t say, “So other people don’t have to see your face.”

But what do you think I thought when she said that? This authority on my health tore me down without even an ounce of recognition of the emotional implications of her words.

This is also not the first time that doctors ignored a valid concern. I am a plus-size woman, and rather than listen to me. Indeed, most doctors want to address my weight instead of the cause of weight retention by someone who eats fairly healthy.

My Experience With Severe Pain

My birthing experience further sheds light on my experiences with severe pain.

The day my daughter was born was hands down the worst day of my life. Now I will never tell her this because I don’t ever want her to think that it is her fault. But my birth experience was the opposite of beautiful. It was traumatic and abusive and scary. Furthermore, I was alone for so much of it because I lacked a supportive partner and was sadly faced with medical professionals who opted for their lunch break over…well, my life.

I spent my entire pregnancy, including the years when we were trying to get pregnant, planning a dreamy beautiful, and serene water birth. And I got close. I labored naturally for 14 hours handling the contractions three minutes apart, then two minutes, then one – for hours like a champion. It hurt, but I knew I had the power. I had lived in pain my entire life – contractions had relief – I had this in the bag. Fourteen hours into my labor I got out of the birthing tub to get ice chips. Then as I lifted my leg over the edge of the tub, I felt the most excruciating pain. My daughter had flipped inside of me. She was now in a full split with one foot by her ear and one hanging out nearly earthside.

I was rushed into surgery with very little time to prepare emotionally. Even the prep for the surgery was traumatizing and was an example of having my humanity ignored. Inexperienced rookie nurses in training on their first week of work pricked my veins over and over again. Then they ignored my cries in pain as my arm turned purple. They told me, “Let me just try one more time.”

My mother finally had to yell and cause a scene to get someone more experienced to put my IV in to save me from continuing to be a human pin cushion. For the record, I have pretty normal veins, nothing unusual. They also shaved me with no lubricant such as shaving cream, which caused the razor to slice me open multiple times – leaving the wounds unattended. They would go on to have an infection that would impact my postpartum experience.

At the door to the OR, the midwife who promised she wouldn’t leave my side…told me her shift was over…and left me at the door. Another midwife I had only met one time prior showed up to take me into the emergency surgery room.

The anesthesiologist was clearly in a rush and made me feel I was a burden. She missed my spinal tap three times before getting it in on the fourth try. This procedure was the most severe pain I have ever felt was when they hit a nerve connected to my leg. In fact, the pain of my daughter flipping inside of me while 8 cm dilated was nothing compared to the long needle in my spine not hitting where it was meant to hit. I was convulsing badly from anxiety, reactions to the pain, and sheer terror. They strapped me down – arms stretched out like a cross with leather bands strapped to my wrist to the table. I felt like a prisoner…alone…while the doctors and nurses talked around me, barely acknowledging I was a human being.

They left me sitting in my bloody bed for twelve hours in post-op. Nurses promised to come back and never return. My mom had to fight for someone again to change the bedding and help me. They did not even show the little kindness of acknowledging me.

Giving birth was not the most beautiful day of my life. Neither were the three months that followed where I got an infection on my incision, mastitis, couldn’t go to the bathroom alone for almost six weeks, my milk never came in. Besides that, other moms judged me. They made me feel like I was hurting my child by having to give her formula to nourish her.

I felt like a failure. To be honest, I am not shocked. Looking back, that I had some pretty severe postpartum depression.

I was lucky enough to know people who have been through this and knew about postpartum depression. So I immediately contacted a mental health specialist who helped me work through these feelings and hormones.

The Unfair Label of Hysteria

The history of hysteria is an important one to note when discussing women and pain.

“Until 1980 hysteria was a formally studied psychological disorder that could be found in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Before its classification as a mental disorder, hysteria was considered a physical ailment, first described medically in 1880 by Jean-Martin Charcot.” – McGill, Office of Science and Society

According to Wickedpedia:

“The word hysteria originates from the Greek word for uterus, hystera. The oldest record of hysteria dates back to 1900 B.C. when Egyptians recorded behavioral abnormalities in adult women on medical papyrus. The Egyptians attributed the behavioral disturbances to a wandering uterus—thus later dubbing the condition hysteria. To treat hysteria Egyptian doctors prescribed various medications. For example, doctors put strong smelling substances on the patients’ vulvas to encourage the uterus to return to its proper position. Another tactic was to smell or swallow unsavory herbs to encourage the uterus to flee back to the lower part of the female’s abdomen…. Between the fifth and thirteenth centuries, however, the increasing influence of Christianity in the Latin West altered medical and public understanding of hysteria. St. Augustine’s writings suggested that human suffering resulted from sin, and thus, hysteria became perceived as satanic possession. With the shift in perception of hysteria came a shift in treatment options. Instead of admitting patients to a hospital, the church began treating patients through prayers, amulets, and exorcisms. Furthermore, during the Renaissance period many patients of hysteria were prosecuted as witches and underwent interrogations, torture, and execution.”

I lived with my pain for so long because the chiropractors and doctors I saw essentially ignored me. They told me to go on a diet or reduce my stress less. Try this stretch – try that turmeric – try this keto diet or that elimination diet – try this medication – see a therapist – try this SSRI for stress – but yet not a single one acknowledged the severity of the pain I was in. Not a single one took my pain seriously enough even to order imaging to see if something was wrong with me.

“Women are more likely to wait longer for a health diagnosis and to be told it’s ‘all in their heads’. That can be lethal: diagnostic errors cause 40,000-80,000 deaths in the US alone…In 2016, the Brain Tumour Charity released a report on the treatment of brain tumour patients in the United Kingdom. It found that almost one in three of them had visited a doctor more than five times before receiving their diagnosis. Nearly a quarter weren’t diagnosed for more than a year. Women, as well as low-income patients, experienced longer delays. They were more likely than men to see 10 or more months pass between their first visit to a doctor and diagnosis –and to have made more than five visits to a doctor prior to diagnosis. – Maya Dusenbery for BBC.com

My story is not unique. I like to think I am an absolute individual. However, this is not only my problem. We must call out the medical industry for systemically ignoring severe pain in women.

A Life Free of Severe Pain?

Can you imagine a life free from severe pain?

For all of the reasons explained above, I couldn’t before I met NP Mary Moshier. She was my client first. I knew that she was in the neuro field, so I asked her for help. Without hesitation, she ordered me an MRI. For the first time, I was finally going to know what was wrong with me.

The MRI experience was not fun. I had a severe vasovagal response to stress in a closed MRI, and they had to pull me out. So I sat on the machine in tears because someone was willing to listen to me and help me the first time. But I was going to get in my own way!

Elizabeth Losin, Ph.D., a psychology professor, reported on this topic and dug deep into a Journal of Pain study: “Gender Biases in Estimation of Others’ Pain.”

“It was found that female patients were perceived to be less pain than the male patients who reported and exhibited the same intensity of pain. Additional analyses using participants’ responses to the questionnaire about gender-related pain stereotypes allowed researchers to conclude that these stereotypes partially explained these perceptions. If the stereotype is to think women are more expressive than men, perhaps ‘overly’ expressive, then the tendency will be to discount women’s pain behaviors….What’s more, psychotherapy was chosen as more effective than medication for a higher proportion of female patients compared to male patients. Additionally, the study concluded that the gender of the perceivers did not influence pain estimation. Both men and women interpreted women’s pain to be less intense.”

Well, it turns out it all IS in my head…but not the way you think. I have a cerebellar tonsillar ectopia that causes occipital neuralgia. Aka, my skull is 2mm too far forward and damaging a nerve in the occipital lobe of my brain. This condition causes searing pain in my occipital lobe that radiates down my neck and shoulder and behind my eyes.

Google it.

“Severe,” “shooting,” “intense.” All words to describe the level of pain for the condition that I have. The extensive medical terms for the base of the skull and the back bottom part of your brain make it sound a lot scarier than it is. When I received my MRI results, I Googled them. Terrible idea. Quickly, I plunged into the dark rabbit hole of worst-case scenarios. Aahhhhh, brain surgery! Mary brought me back to earth. She explained all of my options, shared her own experiences with her neurosurgeon and neurologist, and reminded me that there is now a light at the end of the tunnel.

For the first time in my life – I actually CAN imagine a life free from severe pain. All it took was 1 NP to listen finally.

11 Things That Often Cause Kids to Misbehave

August 13, 2021 by Chris Butler

Is your kid is a force to be reckoned with on the worst day? Have you ever stopped and thought about why your child might misbehave?

There are many ways that a child in which a child can act out–and at the most embarrassing moments! But have you ever wondered what is behind their poor behavior? In most instances, there’s a reason why a child is acting out. Did you know medical conditions such as ADHD can make a kid appear off the chain?

What if the child is crying out for help? Teachers often experience this more than anyone. They have a classroom full of students that come from a wide range of backgrounds with various needs.

According to Resilient Educators, teachers must have a wide range of coping strategies, and what works for one child doesn’t always work for the other. According to the United States Department of Education Office For Civil Rights, children who suffer from either learning and behavioral disabilities are more likely to be suspended than their peers. Additionally, these children are three times more likely to be incarcerated for making poor choices during adulthood.

So, what if the obnoxious child in the classroom is being overstimulated by lights, sounds, and the atmosphere because they have a processing disorder? It certainly changes things dramatically from a child who is misbehaving to one who needs help.

Eleven Common Reasons Why Kids Misbehave

Not all children misbehave because of ADHD or another medical issue; some do it for the sheer attention these behaviors bring. Here is a list of the common reasons why children disobey and cause disruptions.

1. Testing Limits

Boundaries are healthy for children to have in life. However, there are always those kids that want to push the limits. Don’t judge them too harshly, as they may be running a corporation or create a product the world can’t live without one day.

Consequently, some children always want to push buttons to get a rise out of you, which can be challenging to manage. So, the next time your child is aggravating you, it may be merely them trying to test their limits.

2. Showing Independence

As adults, you want to tell the world when you get a job promotion or get a new house or car. However, children do the same thing. They’re constantly learning and developing new skills that help them to advance, but they don’t have the proper skills to show their independence with tact.

Your pre-teen might come across as rebellious and mouthy, but all they’re trying to show you is that they’re able to think for themselves. Kids may scream and throw a fit when you try to tie their shoes for them, especially if they want to learn this task and be able to do it for themselves.

3. Unmet Needs

If you’re hungry, you go to the refrigerator and get something to eat. If you’re cold, you grab a blanket and comfort yourself. However, younger children don’t have the vocabulary or mental capacity to tell you such things.

So, they will scream, cry, and act out of character trying to communicate with you. Unmet needs can be a big reason why children misbehave, and it’s up to parents to decode these cries for help to meet the need.

4. Big Emotions

If you’ve ever suffered from anxiety, you know that sometimes big emotions can be overwhelming. How many times have you struggled to find the right words to say how you feel? Now, imagine if you didn’t have the vocabulary and life skills behind you to communicate effectively.

Children often experience big emotions that they don’t understand. Just like the anxious person may cry, hyperventilate, and sweat, the upset child, may scream, cry, and act out because they’re trying to regulate themselves.

5. A of Lack Skills

Assume two toddlers are playing. One of the little boys has a fire engine, and the other little boy wants it. He doesn’t know how to tell the other child he wants a turn, so he takes the toy and smacks him to get it.

The child lacks skills and doesn’t know how to communicate with the other kid, so he does what has worked before. Rather than punishing the child at this moment, use it as an opportunity to teach them about sharing and instruct on how to ask nicely for something.

6. Underlying Mental Health Issues or Learning Disabilities

As discussed above, many children have underlying mental health or learning disabilities that cause them to misbehave.

Here is one such example. Did you know that kids in school with dyslexia may create a scene to get in trouble, so they’re not called on to read? These children are trying to communicate with you the best way they know, and their language must be deciphered.

7. Imitating Others

Who says adults are the only ones that are intimidating? Children can be just as fierce as you, but most of their behavior is mimicked by watching television and other adults. Be careful what your children watch when they’re on technology.

Some sites, mainly social media, are meant for an older crowd. When you allow your kids to watch things above their age, it’s only natural that they will pick up a few things they shouldn’t. For instance, how embarrassing is it when a child says a curse word in public, and you have no idea where they picked up that language?

8. Attention Seeking

Why is it that every time you get on the phone to have a conversation, your children start whining, grabbing at your pant legs, and wanting you to pay attention to them? You’re not alone, kids tend to be attention hogs, and if you’re busy with someone else, they will act out to ensure all eyes are on them.

Here’s the thing that most parents don’t understand; children want attention, whether it’s positive or negative. While they would rather you cuddle them and tell them you will buy them the moon, they will take you, sending them to their room for acting out too. They want you to pay attention to them and show them any affection.

Many times, older children will often act like a screaming toddler in the playpen. They want all eyes on them and everyone to stop what they’re doing to look at them.

9. Exerting Power and Control

Most parents have become accustomed to defiant and argumentative behavior, especially during the teenage years. A child may want to assert control over you or a situation, so they become belligerent. Some kids tend to be more verbal than others, and it’s a constant battle to balance the needs of the defiant child with the others in the household.

Don’t give in to the power struggles of these young ones. Rather, offer them choices. Shut down their defiance by telling them something like:” Would you like to do the dinner dishes now or after you’re done watching this television program?”

By choosing your words wisely, you’re giving them options and gaining control of the situation.

10. Learned Misbehavior

If your child screams and throws a fit wanting an extra cookie, and you give your child that treat. So the next time, they will know to use this tactic again to get what they want. Many times, children act out because it’s effective.

They have excellent minds that remember the smallest of details. So, when they want something and tell them no, they remember they got what they wanted last time by acting out. It would help if you didn’t give in to temper tantrums, as your child is asserting authority over you.

11. Neglect

Some kids act out because they’re trying to tell you that they need help. To the little boy in kindergarten who has been to the principal’s office 2-3 times each week, it may be that he’s being neglected at home. Even though it’s not positive, getting this attention is just what he needs to make it.

As adults, it’s imperative to read the verbal cues and body language of the younger crowd. They communicate in very different ways that you must try to decipher.

Final Thoughts On What Causes Kids To Misbehave

The next time you’re in the grocery store and see a mom who has her hands full with a child having a meltdown, don’t be so quick to assume that it’s because she’s not disciplining them. Children misbehave for a wide variety of reasons, and discipline probably has nothing to do with it.

The child who has sensory processing issues might find the grocery store uncomfortable. The whistling of the cartwheels and the chatter from voices going by has overstimulated them. The meltdown you see is due to a medical problem in this instance.

See these actions as a cry for help, and get to the bottom of the situation before jumping to conclusions.

5 Parenting Tips To Help Raise Intelligent Children

August 13, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Parents want their children to flourish. That desire usually means wanting them to raise intelligent children, brimming with curiosity and insight. But given the many challenges involved with developing high intelligence, it can be hard to know where to start.

Luckily, there are scientifically proven ways to encourage the healthy development of intelligence in children. Better yet, those methods are also crucial for parent-child bonding and good parenting in general! Here are five parenting tips for raising intelligent children.

1. Foster A Positive Home Environment

The environment that a child grows up in has a massive impact on developing and going through life. While the occasional hurdle to overcome at home can be a good lesson, an overly hostile home environment is sure to damage a child’s ability to grow, learn, and manage their emotions, which all lend themselves to lower intelligence.

Studies have found that high-conflict homes are terrible for kids, mainly if a divorce or similar break-up of guardian figures occurs. Maintaining a happy, positive, and peaceful environment should be prioritized, as the troubles you have with fellow family members will affect your child’s growth and development. This can mean learning to handle conflict in more positive ways.

Of course, it is also true that disagreements happen in homes, and sometimes the separation of guardians is necessary. You definitely shouldn’t decide to try and “make things work” for the sake of your children when they can’t. Fostering a healthy home environment doesn’t mean creating an appearance of perfection, after all.

Don’t Let Occasional Negative Circumstances Interfere With Your Desire to Raise Intelligent Children

If conflict must occur at home, you can help to negate the adverse effects this will have on your child by doing the following:

Opening lines of communication to them by keeping them informed (age-appropriate) of any significant events happening in their home.
Keeping the most severe displays of conflict away from them.
Providing them with a safe space to express their emotions, ask for reassurance from you, and be away from any volatile environments.
Signing up your child for appropriate counseling or therapy.
Helping your child every step of the way through any home transitions.

2. Raise Intelligent Children by Promoting a Love of Learning From A Young Age

There are many different kinds of intelligence, but most parents would agree that the sort of intelligence they want their child to have involves a thirst for knowledge and enjoyment of new experiences. You can foster this desire to learn in your children by promoting learning from when they’re very young.

It’s never too early to teach kids what they’ll be learning more formally later, say studies. Here are some ways to promote learning in your children:

· Buy Them Brain-Boosting Toys

Kids love to play, and this means that they can often learn very well from the act of playing. Educational toys and play can help children develop and grow, so you can do them a massive benefit by choosing play items that double as learning tools for them. Puzzles for brain power, building blocks for creativity, educational computer games as a video game alternative, or physically engaging toys are great choices. However, it is crucial to tailor the toys you opt for to your child’s unique preferences.

· Parents Who Raise Intelligent Expose Their Little Ones To Many Different Things

Your kids aren’t going to learn things that they aren’t given the inherent opportunity to learn. In their early years, they’ll need you to show them how to expand their horizons. Encourage your children to leave their comfort zone now and then, introducing them to new things and allowing them to decide if they like them or not. Break barriers and stereotypes and make it clear that you will support your child’s interests with positive thinking no matter what they may be, and this will teach your child to feel safe in learning and growing.

· Read With Them Or To Them

There is a whole lot of research about the hugely positive effects that reading to and with your children can have on their development. The activity allows children to develop a sense of grammar and vocabulary while learning helpful communication skills and teaching them new things from the contents of their books. As they grow older, encourage your kids to read independently, let them choose books to buy, and bring them to libraries.

· Nurture Their Interests

Sometimes, parents try to discourage or control the interests of their children towards more stereotypically “intelligent” ones. For example, some parents may refuse to indulge their child’s interest in art and instead tell them to focus on science. While this usually comes from a place of concern, it’s important to remember that there are many different forms of intelligence. Better yet, passion is a huge motivator for people of all ages, and allowing your child to pursue what interests them will give them a chance to learn and grow at fast rates in these areas.

3. Don’t Forget It’s Important to Raise Socially Intelligent Children, Too!

Social skills are an essential part of a child’s growth and development. Research has found that learning social skills at a young age can increase a child’s chance of success throughout their life, especially in early adulthood.

Exposing your kids to social situations with their peers is a great way to socialize them, but you should also focus on specific skills and have them practice them out in the real world. Here are some essential social skills to teach your children:

· Listening

Very young children may struggle with listening, but when they’re at an appropriate age, it’s crucial to teach your kids to listen to you and those around you. Foster listening skills by asking your children to repeat stories and instructions and steer them away from interrupting or inattentive behaviors while being spoken to.

· Sharing

Children can be a little self-centered in their youth, so teaching the act of sharing is vital to help your kids make friends and keep them. Praise your kids for sharing the things they like with others.

· Eye Contact

Teaching kids to look people in the eye when speaking or being spoken to will give them the chance to build emotional intelligence. (Of course, if your child is neurodivergent, you shouldn’t force them to make eye contact when they’re not comfortable with it!)

· Cooperation

Working together with others teaches kids how to respect the people around them, and it also will make them team players in the future. You can foster this trait by creating activities for the whole family to do together as a team.

· Personal Space

A lot of children don’t naturally understand the concept of personal space. Set boundaries and rules about this subject early on so your child grows up knowing about them. Explain why these rules are in place. Relevant rules include “knock before you enter a room” and “don’t touch people without asking.”

4. Let Your Kids Do Chores

Chores are an easy way to give your kids something productive to do around the house and teach them hard work and responsibility. Research has indicated that children who do chores grow up in more positive ways, predicting a higher chance of success in their fields as they grow up.

Chores don’t have to be complicated. Give them age-appropriate tasks and explain to them why it’s vital that they do them. Hold them accountable by reminding them of their chores and praise them moderately for a job well done. They’ll learn to value responsibility and will pick up essential skills that can help them in life.

5. Talk To Your Child

A lot of parents can be jam-packed, and a lot of children talk a lot! This can result in situations where kids get used to talking to parents who aren’t listening or are eager to quickly tell them what they want to hear to have some peace and quiet.

Of course, it makes sense that parents need a break now and then. But for the most part, it’s vital to make an effort to really, truly converse with your child. This will give you insight into your child’s interests, progress, and communication styles, and it’ll also deepen your bond.

Regularly communicating with your child will also help them build their skills, and they’ll learn from the information you give them in the process. The trust they create with you over time, thanks to this open communication, will further foster the right environment for a child to grow into themselves and their brain. Here are some tips for talking to your child in this positive way:

· Turn Things Into Conversations

Some things need only a short answer, but others could spark conversations. If your child asks a question, try to provide an opportunity for discussion and thought exchange instead of simply hurrying them along.

· Put The Devices Away

When talking to your kids, don’t use any devices. Please pay attention to them directly and show them that you’re focused on them and are fully engaged. This also sets an example for them and how they should listen. (Note that neurodivergent children may need to fidget with items to focus on a conversation, so tailor this to your unique child!)

· Be A Good Listener

Kids’ brains are still developing, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to be heard. The concerns, interests, and thoughts they have can seem silly to adults, but if you’re going to foster your child’s intelligence (and a healthy bond), you should listen to them carefully. Validate what they say, show that you understand them, empathize with them, and encourage further conversation.

· Talk About Their Interests

Children love discussing the things they’re passionate about. If you’d like to spark a conversation with them, talk about the things they like. This will show them that you support their interests and encourage them to pursue them with positive thinking!

· Ask Questions

When your child talks about something, continue the conversation by asking them relevant questions to show that you’re interested. Doing so will encourage them to further explore their ideas with you. Note that this doesn’t mean forcing a child to answer you when they don’t feel like talking about something; kids who feel safe with you will come to talk to you about those things when they’re ready!

Final Thoughts On Some Parenting Tips To Raise Intelligent Children

Parenting is harsh, especially when you want to ensure that your kids raise intelligent children who can solve problems and act thoughtfully. Learning to follow the proper steps to raise them intelligently will foster the growth you want to see in them!

4 Ways To Break The Destructive Cycle Of Negative Thoughts

August 13, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Negative thoughts are far from uncommon, which is why it’s so shocking how dangerous they can be. This danger is because negative thoughts often grow over time, leading to more negative thoughts and ending in an endless downward spiral. This destructive cycle of negative thoughts becomes hard to overcome.

When you’re in those spirals, getting out of them seems impossible, but it can be done. You need to break out from these ever-growing sources of negativity. Here are four ways to break the destructive cycle of negative thoughts.

1. Recognize Automatic Negative Thoughts

Automatic thoughts are the natural thoughts that occur when you’re confronted with different situations. They aren’t necessarily negative; for example, your intuitive thought upon being given a gift may be positive, such as “Oh, they were thinking of me! How nice!”.

But the problem, of course, isn’t with positive thinking as a form of automatic thought. Negative thoughts can happen automatically, too. For example, if instead of the previous positive thought, when you receive a gift, you may think, “Oh no, they’re so nice to me, and I don’t deserve it at all.”

Automatic negative thoughts are the catalyst to many destructive cycle thoughts. Many studies have showcased how these thoughts are instrumental in helping individuals with depression and mood disorders. If your thoughts are often automatically negative, you’re going to get caught in downward thought spirals – and that’s why recognizing them first is essential.

To recognize these automatic negative thoughts, you’ll need to start reflecting and looking back on times when you were caught in negative thoughts. Here are the questions to ask yourself in your reflection:

· What Is The Inciting Situation?

Ask what situation triggered these negative thoughts. What were you doing at the time? Who was around you and interacting with you? When did it happen, and what other circumstances were in the backdrop of that? Where were you, and what external factors were involved? What is the full scope of the situation, as you’d view it on the outside looking in?

· How Did You Feel In That Situation?

Find one apt word to describe the most considerable emotion you felt in that situation. Then, rate that emotion in terms of its severity and intensity. Rate it with a scale of your choosing – a scale of 1 to 10 works, as does a percentage-based scale. Then, do the same with the rest of the more minor emotions you felt. Name them all and face them directly and try to determine what influenced what, then link them to different factors of the inciting situation, so you know what triggered them.

· What Thoughts Came From Each Emotion?

Now, you can recall the automatic negative thoughts you had and link them back to your emotions to tell what triggered them. This moment gives you the chance to accurately and adequately trace the individual source of every single automatic negative thought. You will then be better prepared for each trigger in the future.

· How Can You Combat These Thoughts?

Now that you understand the automatic negative thoughts and where they come from, you can evaluate these thoughts and determine the best ways to shift your mindset away from them. How can you pause those thoughts, and what are some positive ways to reply to them?

· What Non-Automatic Thoughts Can You Fight This Way?

Not all negative thoughts are automatic, but you can apply these same principles and questions to thoughts of any kind. So start pinpointing natural thought patterns you have and pointing out the way that you can counteract them.

2. Practice Existential Digging to Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts

Sometimes digging deeper into the root of your problems is essential to break destructive cycles. This is a process known as existential digging, and getting to those depths is essential to managing and changing destructive thought patterns, say studies.

Existential digging takes the pattern of asking questions to understand negative thoughts, making them even more profound. Here are the questions you can use when digging existentially to break the cycle of destructive and damaging thoughts:

· How Did You Respond To A Situation?

What was your way of responding externally and internally to the situation you faced? How did other people respond in turn? Did your actions help or harm your endeavors? Are you proud of how you handled it? How significantly were your actions affected by your thoughts?

· What Did You Learn From That Situation?

Negative thoughts can make it very difficult to learn. When you’re trapped in a spiral of flawed thinking, it’s almost impossible to be able to examine the situation to take lessons away. That’s why you need to dig deeper to find those lessons.

· How Can You Grow From That Situation?

Once you find the lessons, ask yourself how you can grow with these lessons. Envision yourself to learn from those mistakes and improve, then visualize yourself reacting to these situations with the kind of positive thinking you desire.

· Is This Situation Part Of A Pattern?

Sometimes, people get stuck in repetitive cycles of negativity because it’s what they’re used to and how they naturally handle things. Pay attention to the situations you find yourself in and ask if you’ve been in those situations before, even in a more abstract or general manner. If you have, it may be time to examine the patterns you’re often trapped in more closely.

3. Acknowledge and Embrace Thoughts

Many people fear their negative thoughts, and if you often find yourself in destructive cycles of those thoughts, they may seem even more frightening and overwhelming. The ability to acknowledge those thoughts and face them is a bold and brave thing to do and is essential for fighting those thoughts.

Think about it – if you don’t face your thoughts and acknowledge them, how can you address or change them? Research has even found that your wellbeing will be negatively affected if you repress your emotions, so there’s even more reason for you to express and face your feelings.

But to truly break destructive cycles, you’ll need to do more than acknowledge your emotions. You’ll also need to embrace them. This means validating how you feel, accepting that you feel this way, and welcoming those emotions.

It sounds a little counter-productive, but this is a really positive way to look at your thoughts! Emotions will happen whether you want them to or not. Feeling accepted is essential to manage and handle those emotions appropriately. When you think that your feelings are okay and fine, you’ll be able to counteract them or correct them as needed gently.

Embracing how you feel is much easier and takes up much less energy than fighting those emotions. Instead of wasting your energy on denial and repression, you can repurpose it for using compassion for yourself, leaving you with much more energy left over.

Embracing and acknowledging your thoughts also allows you to work with your feelings. Ask yourself and your emotions how you can work together, and you’ll find that you can manage them much healthier.

4. Seek and Creative Positivity to Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts

The best way to fight negativity is with positivity. Once you learn to break destructive cycles when they begin, you’ll need to find thoughts to replace the negative ones. Looking around to seek positive things in the world around you is a great way to do this, as seeing and interacting with these good things will make you feel and think well, too. Here are some ways to do this:

· Find The Positive In The Negative

While you shouldn’t deny negative realities, there’s no reason that you can’t try to find good things in difficult times. As a matter of fact, locating silver linings in difficult situations is a fantastic way to fight negative thoughts. It allows you to find positive things to hold onto to help you move forward through the negative circumstance. Once you’re good at doing this, you’ll even be able to find positive things in everyday life!

· Start The Day Well

The way that you begin each day can determine how the rest of the day goes for you. Let the natural light into your bedroom, say a couple of affirmations in the mirror, eat a nourishing breakfast, and listen to some music that you love. Incorporate morning routine steps that make you feel good! Of course, this is not to say that you can’t improve a day that begins badly – merely that setting a positive precedent for the day is better than setting a negative or even neutral one!

· Be Your Support

Often, you’re your own worst critic, which is where negative thoughts come into play and create destructive cycles. But at the same time, you’re the only person you can truly rely on 100% of the time with certainty. That’s why instead of being a critic to yourself, you should learn to be your supporter. Think about how you’d treat a close friend or loved one if they were in your situation and use that as a model for how to treat yourself. You’ll be creating positivity and support from an intrinsic point.

· Remove Sources Of Negativity

Are there things in your life that make you unhappy or tend to bring you down? They could be bad habits, toxic people, or even media sources that get you riled up. Evaluate the things that give you negative emotions and consider removing them and replacing them with things that make you feel good instead.

· Do Good Things For Other People

If you want to create positive thinking in your life, sometimes the best way is to bring it to other people! Making others happy is likely to make you happy in turn, and it ultimately makes a tremendous difference in the world that makes you feel accomplished, too.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways To Break The Destructive Cycle Of Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts can be very damaging, and they can trap you in a destructive cycle of more and more bad thoughts that feel all-consuming. Learning to break free from those patterns is very powerful and is essential to your well-being.

Counselors Explain Emotional Intelligence and 3 Ways to Use It

August 13, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Emotional intelligence is a concept that has been on the rise for a couple of decades. But it has existed as an idea since the 1960s. It promotes the idea of an alternative intelligence to IQ, creating the idea that book smarts and socially normative views of intelligence may not be all there is to our brains and life.

So, what is emotional intelligence? Is it important? Is it necessary? Can it be built? Do you have it, and if you do, what can you do with it? And if you don’t, is that a bad thing? Read on to find out what emotional intelligence is and three ways to use it!

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Let’s look at the hallmarks that define this concept.

1. Defining Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence, often shortened to EQ or EI, refers to the ability to use, handle, perceive, manage, and understand different emotions. This idea applies to both yourself and others. Its use as a term surged in popularity in the mid-1990s. More recently, it has been touted as a highly positive and valid form of intelligence.

Someone with high EQ would presumably handle awkward situations, social environments, and interactions with others with grace. Someone with low EQ may struggle to understand why someone is sad, angry, or happy, even if the reasons seem perfectly obvious to others. This is a common experience of neurodivergent individuals who struggle with social cues or “normal” emotional affairs.

Having low EQ isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, most people do want to increase their emotional intelligence. Indeed, there are many positive things that research has associated with high emotional intelligence, such as:

Better job performance
Improved leadership skills
Higher levels of positive thinking
Better mental health
Improved relationships
Positive influence over others

There has been a fair bit of controversy about emotional intelligence over the years, with questions about whether or not emotional intelligence is valid when compared to or used in tandem with the Big Five personality traits or standard IQ. Luckily, research has found that emotional intelligence maintains its validity even with those factors accounted for.

2. Components of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence seems like a pretty abstract concept, but there’s more theory behind it than you may think. Experts have even been able to properly identify emotional intelligence features across different people, leading to what we know about the composition of EQ.

Daniel Goleman is credited with coining the term “emotional intelligence,” and his book about his research and theories on the subject identified five components of emotional intelligence. Here are those components:

· Self-Regulation

Self-regulation allows you to take note of your emotional responses to things and ensure that they are appropriate and proportionate to the inciting incident. It means being aware of the consequences of your actions, being able to pause before deciding on behavior, and pushing yourself to bring out your own best.

· Empathy

Emotional intelligence does have to make you focused on yourself and your actions, but that doesn’t mean it makes you self-centered. Those with high EQ can put themselves in the shoes of others and understand where they come from, even if they’ve never been in that situation before. You don’t judge people, using your own experiences as a guide.

· Self-Awareness

Being aware of your motivations, patterns, and thoughts is a crucial part of emotional intelligence. It allows you to be mindful of how your actions affect the world and the people around you, as well as yourself. You know what you feel, you know how to understand what you think and their triggers, and you’re under no illusions about your strengths and weaknesses.

· Social Skills

You don’t need to be a social butterfly to have the social skills necessary for emotional intelligence. Mostly, this component means you can work with other people, are capable of conflict resolution, and develop positive communication techniques like active listening and welcoming body language. You would likely also know how to build relationships with others.

· Motivation

Emotional intelligence requires a degree of intrinsic motivation – a desire to do well and improve for yourself and your development. Your idea of success is defined by you and you alone, not by what other people try to push you into. You’re more likely to seek out goals that improve your personal growth over material goals, though there’s also nothing wrong with seeking material goals at the same time.

If you’re looking to build or increase your emotional intelligence, these are the five factors you’ll likely want to focus on improving the most. Although some people believe that emotional intelligence is innate and unchangeable, it can certainly be built and improved on, like any other skill or form of intelligence.

It is worth noting that – as is with all research and theories – there are some criticisms of Goleman’s explanation of these five components. As such, it is advised that you do some of your research or seek a professional opinion as you try to build your EQ!

Three Ways To Use Emotional Intelligence

Here are three ways to put EI to work to improve your life.

1. Stop Being Reactive

It’s easy to immediately follow an impulse to react to the situations unfolding around you, whether they’re positive or negative. In cases of conflict, adverse events, or unexpected life changes, you may jump straight to a defensive mode instead of pausing to think about things.

You can use your emotional intelligence to control these impulses. Instead of reacting to things, respond to them. Use your knowledge of actions and consequences, your empathy skills, and mindfulness of your emotions to take a pause and think of how to respond to different situations.

The goal of any adverse event is to resolve it. While you can’t always tackle these events with positive thinking, you can certainly think about how to best move forward instead of simply reacting based on your emotions. With your EQ, you can consciously adjust your response to fit the situation and work towards solving problems instead of responding to them and accidentally exacerbating them in the process.

2. Learn About Others

High emotional intelligence allows you to learn more about the people around you more quickly than those with low emotional intelligence. Better yet, the more you know about others, the more likely you are to develop even more emotional intelligence! Here are some ways to learn about others:

· Understand What Others Want And Expect

Different people are driven by different things and want other things out of their world and goals. Understanding those driving forces and desires is crucial to gaining a complete picture of the people around you. It can show you how to best communicate with, relate to, and appeal to those individuals. If you’re in a leadership position, this will also help you work better with your team and cooperate with those around you!

· Ask About Their Experiences

Emotional intelligence can drive you to be genuinely curious about other people, their lives, and what they’ve been through. Use that to your advantage by showcasing your genuine interest and asking questions. Demonstrate that you’re genuinely interested in hearing about other people and what advice they have to share, and you’ll get to expand your horizons and impressively widen your worldview.

· Practice Active Listening

If you want to get people to talk to you, you have to show that you’re engaged, and emotional intelligence equips you with the ability to be! But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go the extra mile to make people feel heard. Use open body language, turn towards the people that speak, make good eye contact, and indicate your understanding.

3. Focus On “We” Instead of “Me.”

As human beings, we’re all in the same boat – just trying to navigate life in the best way possible. Use emotional intelligence to keep that in mind as you go through your daily experiences and interact with the people around you.

When you connect to other people, it becomes evident that things aren’t really about you. Besides that, they’re certainly not about you versus them. Instead, there’s a collective sense that everyone in the world is in this life together.

People with low emotional intelligence may struggle to be there for other people or charitably view others because they consider their fate and life entirely isolated from those around them. Your EQ can remind you that this is not the case.

We’re all on a ship sailing through the tumultuous sea of life. If someone’s side of the ship gets damaged, you don’t shrug and say, “that’s your side, so I’m staying out of it.” Instead, you recognize that we all need to work together and keep each other afloat and healthy. Otherwise, we all go down!

This is, of course, not to say that you should feel responsible for other people and their decisions. Instead, it is a reminder to use your emotional intelligence to form team-like bonds with others instead of competing with the people around you or judging them for their struggles.

Of course, this also goes for accepting criticism. Many people struggle to accept criticism in their lives. Don’t let that be you! You can learn so much from the feedback that the people around you provide, so don’t react to any constructive statements that sound bad at first. Put on your positive thinking, absorb what’s being said, and use that information to improve.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways To Use Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a valuable tool, and it can make your life, interactions, and career better in many ways. It’s a great skill to build and showcase, and it can help you build stronger, healthier relationships with others and feel more fulfilled with your situation.

If you have low emotional intelligence, don’t feel discouraged! People can improve their emotional intelligence to some degree, at least on a cognitive level, and you certainly can, too.

If you struggle with some aspects of emotional intelligence, you can also communicate your difficulties with it; for example, difficulty comprehending social cues or emotions, as a symptom of neuro-divergence, is something that the people in your life can learn to accommodate.

The bottom line is that emotional intelligence, while necessary, doesn’t have to be something innate, and it’s okay if you have trouble with some of its components. Learning to work on the things you can change, especially with a therapist or similar professional, works wonders!

Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!

Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

Twenty Negative Behaviors of a Vain Person

1. Worrying About What Other People Think

2. Puts a Great Deal of Emphasis on Appearance

3. Can’t Admit Their Faults

4. Often Have Anger Issues

5. Will Resort to Theatrics

6. Addicted To Taking Selfies

7. Obsessed With Social Media Platforms

8. Has an Inflated View of Themselves

9. Doesn’t Consider Consequences of Their Actions

10. Won’t Listen to Reasoning

11. Are Often Loud and Proud

12. Gives Unsolicited Advice on How Others Can Also Be Perfect

13. Lives a Life With No Apologies to Anyone

14. Exaggerates Their Abilities

15. Exaggerates Their Worth

16. Doesn’t Have Healthy Human Interactions

17. Often Disagreeable or Rude

18. Their Value System Is Skewed

19. They’re Focused on Material Possessions

20. They Live in a Fantasy World

Final Thoughts on Behaviors of a Vain Person

Why Do People Worry?

Worry focuses on the future, not allowing you to be a good problem solver in the present.

What Are The Attributes Of Good Problem Solvers?

3 Ways Worrying Makes Us Better Problem Solvers

1. Worrying Is The Best Way To Pinpoint What Your Issues Are

Putting Worry to Work As You Solve Problems

2. You Can Use Challenges To Become a Better Problem Solver

Here’s an everyday example you’ll recognize.

3. Worrying Prepares You For The Worst Possible Outcome

It also enables you to plan for every possible outcome.

Final Thoughts On How Worrying Makes You A Better Problem Solver

About the study of the cognitive challenges faced by disadvantaged children

Barch said this:

Brain health and disadvantaged children

The silver lining in the new research

Final thoughts on the study proving that disadvantaged children may face cognitive impairments

Accountable Versus Responsible

Professional Accountability

Personal Accountability

Eight Habits of Responsible People Who Are Accountable for Their Actions

1. They Take Their Role Seriously

2. They Don’t Make Excuses

3. An Accountable Person Is Punctual

4. They Control Their Emotions

5. They Work Together

6. It’s Not all For Praise

7. They Don’t Procrastinate

8. They Know How to Apologize

Final Thoughts on the Habits of Accountable People

My Experience With Severe Pain

Other Stories About Women Coping With Severe Pain

The Unfair Label of Hysteria

A Life Free of Severe Pain?

Eleven Common Reasons Why Kids Misbehave

1. Testing Limits

2. Showing Independence

3. Unmet Needs

4. Big Emotions

5. A of Lack Skills

6. Underlying Mental Health Issues or Learning Disabilities

7. Imitating Others

8. Attention Seeking

9. Exerting Power and Control

10. Learned Misbehavior

11. Neglect

Final Thoughts On What Causes Kids To Misbehave

1. Foster A Positive Home Environment

Don’t Let Occasional Negative Circumstances Interfere With Your Desire to Raise Intelligent Children

2. Raise Intelligent Children by Promoting a Love of Learning From A Young Age

· Buy Them Brain-Boosting Toys

· Parents Who Raise Intelligent Expose Their Little Ones To Many Different Things

· Read With Them Or To Them

· Nurture Their Interests

3. Don’t Forget It’s Important to Raise Socially Intelligent Children, Too!

· Listening

· Sharing

· Eye Contact