Your partner had more strength than you realized–until you pushed her away.
You probably didn’t realize how much the break up would affect you. After all, you weren’t the one who got hurt; it was her. However, as you may now realize, a breakup affects both parties, even if it affects them in different ways.
The reason you’re reading this is that your ex seems to be doing fine without you while you’re sitting back, regretting your decision. You’re likely wondering why. You probably thought your ex would come back, begging to be with you again but instead, she’s thriving without you.
First, I want to commend you for taking the initiative to find out why. Doing so shows at least a little spark of humanity in you after all you’ve put your ex through.
However, you may not like what’s next. It will be harsh, but knowing this information could make you a better person for the next relationship. Consider this a reality check. Although we are speaking about “she” in this article, it’s never okay to mistreat others. This advice can apply to women or men equally.
Eight Reasons Why Your Partner Found Her Strength
1. She’s been dealing with heartbreak the whole time.
When people are heartbroken, it can be devastating. They’re flooded with emotions that can be hard to overcome. However, eventually, the person gets over these emotions and finds the strength they need to move on.
In your case, you’ve been breaking your ex’s heart all along. She has dealt with the pain of betrayal, the pain of being taken for granted, your abuse, your unkindness, and all the things you’ve done to her for so long. Now she is a pro at handling those emotions.
This doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel pain right now, but she is so used to feeling pain from you that it’s much easier for her to brush it off and focus on a better future.
In a sense, you’ve conditioned her to get along without you. You gave her the practice and strength she needed to walk away and not let her emotions get the best of her.
2. She realized how strong she was after she left you.
Women are powerful. They may reach a breaking point, but they bend just enough to get themselves to a new starting point instead of breaking. Your ex may not have known how strong she was at the moment she walked away, but once she was able to take that breath of fresh, single air, she realized her incredible tenacity for standing on her own two feet.
Your ex probably loves the person she is without you. She doesn’t have to endure the pain anymore. She can focus on herself without restrictions, and she can finally be genuinely happy. Everything you did to her helped her conquer her fears and build her strength, so now nothing is holding her back.
A strong woman won’t let anyone hold her down. She may have allowed you to do that for a long time, but now that she is sensing her strength, you can be sure that she will never allow you to do that to her again.
3. She cut you off.
Ouch. That probably stings but getting you out of her life was exactly what she needed to do better. She knows that, so she is completely cutting you out of her life.
It would help if you faced the fact that you and she are done. She is not coming back, and you’re lucky if she even communicates with you. In the words of R. Kelly, “when a woman’s fed up, there ain’t nothing you can do about it.”
In fact, it’s not uncommon for women to walk away and leave everything, not just you. She won’t care about furniture, cars, dogs, or anything else you’ve shared. She wants out and wants nothing to do with you anymore.
For you, this hurts. For her, it’s exactly what she needs. The longer she goes without communicating with you, the more strength she’ll find. The least you can do is respect her newfound peace. You owe her that much.
4. Your mistreatment helped her realize exactly what she wants in a partner.
Your ex now knows what not to accept in a relationship. More importantly, she knows what qualities she wants in a partner. This means that the next relationship she is in will probably be successful, and she’ll be happier than she ever could have been with you.
It may take her a while to get back into the dating scene. After all, she is human, and she may still be dealing with a few emotions from the failed relationship (not enough to come back to you, unfortunately). However, she is much better off now that you’ve taught her what a bad partner is.
She may be a bit sad, but she can sleep at night, knowing that she did everything she could to save the relationship. But she has no guilt because she was an amazing partner. She gave you all her love, even when you didn’t deserve it.
When a person doesn’t feel guilty about leaving the relationship, they don’t have anything weighing on them. Your ex is as light as a feather and as free as a bird. She doesn’t have any unfinished business with you.
It’s too bad that you can’t say the same. That’s probably why you’re reading this – perhaps you have some guilt that is eating away at you. Guilt can keep you trapped in the past and can negatively affect your emotional strength. As much as you deserve to feel guilty, it would be best if you still let it go. You’ll need to work that out so you can move on also.
6. She neglected her goals for so long that she is ready to focus on them now.
Your ex put aside her goals and passions to be there for you. She kept giving and giving and giving in hopes that it would somehow be enough for you. She hoped that you would see how she supported you and that you would return the favor.
Now your ex sees how she has neglected what she wanted. Since her eyes are opened, there is no way she would go back to neglecting her own needs again. This is her time, and she won’t let you take that away from her ever again.
Now she is putting her goals and her future first. She should have been focusing on them the whole time, and you should have been supporting her. It’s too late for you to support her now, but it’s never too late for her to make herself a priority.
7. She recognizes her worth.
Finally, your ex-partner saw her value, which is why she finally decided to end things with you for good. She realized that she was too good to continue going through the crap you were putting her through. Eventually, she understood that she deserved better and that she was never going to get anything better from you.
She left you behind so she could seek out her value. She is now starting to build herself up, even if it’s slowly at first, and you don’t fit into the picture anymore. The two of you probably could have been gold together, but you wouldn’t hold up your end of the bargain.
She sank with you long enough. It’s her time to shine, and she deserves it. Without you weighing her down, she will rise to new heights that she never imagined before.
8. She honestly believes you don’t want her.
Your ex-partner probably heard criticism from friends and family repeatedly. They advised her that you don’t love her, and that’s why you mistreated her. She took up for you for so long, telling people who were close to her that they were wrong about you. So she made excuses for you, and even when that voice in her head told her that her friends and family were right, she ignored it and stayed with you anyway.
Then it happened.
She opened her eyes and saw things for what they were. Perhaps you do love her somewhere deep down inside, but for some reason, you were never going to show it. For some reason, you were incapable of loving her the way she needed to be loved.
She realized that you don’t truly want her, or perhaps you were simply incapable of loving her. Either way, she decided that she wasn’t going to live that way any longer. She realized that she is strong, beautiful, and has a lot of love to give to someone who would fully and unconditionally give it back.
You showed her that you didn’t want her, and she finally believed it.
After reading these eight reasons your ex seems to be getting along fine without you, you’re probably wondering what you can do about it. The short answer is nothing. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change her mind.
The two of you have reached a point of no return. You broke her heart, and she is finding the strength to put it back together without you. You messed up, and maybe one day she will forgive you, but you must let the relationship go and move on.
Vow to do better next time. Think about all the reasons above that she is over you and never do those things again. Once you are ready to love again, learn from your mistakes, and treat your next partner with newfound respect.