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15 Reasons To Love Your Partner In Public

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A love in danger of failing might find benefit from one or more of these ways that public displays of affection can improve their romance.

15 Ways PDA Can Save Relationships

1. You give and receive love physically

As you touch your partner, you are giving them physical affection and also receiving their touch back. This is a small exchange of how giving can also be receiving at the same time and it mirrors other cooperative aspects of a strong relationship.

2. You feel desired

This isn’t necessarily about sex, but your partner is publicly showing that they chose you, that they want you over other possible partners. Knowing that they are willing to show that you are their choice feels good inside.

3. Your partner feels desired

To others, you are saying that you choose the person you are with. We can’t read their thoughts, but your partner is likely to feel happier knowing that you are comfortable in public with your choice.

4. It signifies your unity

You and your partner are a package deal. For the most part, it’s going to be hard for others to come between you two.

5. Bonding neurotransmitters are released

The neurotransmitter oxytocin is released when we receive affectionate touch. This brain chemical helps us to bond to our partner.

6. Small acts go a long way

Brushing hair from your partner’s eyes is a small act that can convey caring.

7. Touch helps process emotions

Touch is reassuring after a moment of frustration or upset because it brings our focus back to the physical present moment with a pleasant sensation. All is not lost, because you have each other.

8. Easily amp up the thrill factor

The meaning of “I want to kiss you all over” is a little more thrilling when said in public versus a private place.

9. It’s a secret fantasy

Being seen by others in an intimate moment is a common fantasy due to the additional thrill factor mentioned above.

10. It proves you’re more open-minded about love

Researchers studying attitudes toward public displays of affection had subjects read one of three scenarios depicting either a heterosexual, gay male, or lesbian couple engaging in an act of affection in a coffee shop. They found that the participants who had more liberal attitudes toward sexual expression and those who engaged in public displays of affection themselves were more accepting of the public display of affection that they read about.

11. Appreciation for dissimilar couples’ expressions of love

Couples who are comfortable with public displays of affection are more likely to be accepting of expressions of love between same-gender couples, mixed race couples, and couples who are less like themselves.

12. You know your partner’s comfort level

Public displays of affection should never push someone beyond their comfort zone. It’s important to know your partner’s level of willingness to be public. For example, respecting when they brush your hand away, demonstrates your understanding of their safe boundaries.

13. Reduces stress hormones

Cortisol is the stress hormone produced when we are upset, which is likely to be higher for relationships in trouble. Researchers studying Alzheimer’s patients found that therapeutic touch helped reduce levels of cortisol in the body. Lower levels of stress hormones are one way that public displays of affection help us to have longer, healthier relationships.

14. Return to dating mode

Young and in love couples can hardly keep their hands off of each other, even in public. Public displays of affection help you to remember when you and your partner were head over heels in love.

15. Less tech, more talk

Effective communication is so important in a strong relationship and touch is one way to communicate feelings in a way that texting could never replace.

Sources:
http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/romantic-love/public-display-of-affection-relationship
The Effects of Gender and Sexual Orientation on the Acceptability of Public Displays of Affection
http://digitalcommons.framingham.edu/journal_of_behavioral_sciences/vol5/iss1/4/
touch and cortisol levels The Effect of Therapeutic Touch on Agitated Behavior and Cortisol in Persons with Alzheimer’s Disease
http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1099800402238331

Avoid An Unhappy Relationship: 8 Early Warning Signs to Never Ignore

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“One of the hardest parts of life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder” – Anonymous

What happens when your relationship seems to be bringing more stress than it does happiness? Do you find that you have settled for a relationship that’s less than perfect? Perhaps you find yourself making excuses and simply hoping that you’re going through a rough patch, and things are going to get better.

While relationships can’t be all high, they definitely shouldn’t be all low, either! Here are some signs that your relationship is going through more than just a rough patch – and that maybe it’s time to get out.

8 Early Warning Signs of An Unhappy Relationship

1. YOU START THINKING OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP AS “GOOD ENOUGH”

While you can recognize that your relationship isn’t the best, you’ve convinced yourself that it’s good enough. You find yourself staying with your partner simply because they’re staying with you.

Any relationship is better than none, and you find that you would rather stay in a relationship that isn’t making you happy rather than endure being alone. If you find yourself thinking this, it’s a sign that your relationship is only going to be a source of stress, and that finding a way out will bring a joy to your life you didn’t know was missing.

2. IT’LL ALL WORK OUT … EVENTUALLY

If you find that you keep tacking on “eventually” to the thought of your relationship working out, it is a sign that your relationship isn’t working out at all. No matter what you do to try and fix it, it just doesn’t seem to be working, so you hold out hope that maybe it’ll all just work itself out… except this waiting starts to drag on and on, and you’re not sure if it’ll ever end.

This is a sign that the relationship would probably be better if it was over entirely. Don’t underestimate the stress that holding out hope for a dragging relationship can cause! You deserve a relationship that isn’t all waiting and hoping.

3. YOU’RE WAITING FOR YOUR PARTNER TO CHANGE … SOMEDAY

People can and do change. People grow into whole new personalities, opinions and ideas. However, if you’re staying with a partner who is making you unhappy in the hopes that one day they’ll finally grow into the person you need them to be, you’ll only be setting yourself up for hurt. You deserve a relationship where the other person is already who you need them to be! Waiting for someone to change, or trying to force that change, will only lead to more stress and destruction.

4. YOU DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE

Or, rather, being alone is terrifying to you. Being in a relationship that makes you actively unhappy is better than being alone. This could show itself in a string of short, unhappy relationships. If you find that you’re too afraid of being alone that it makes you get into a relationship with the first person who comes along, regardless of how well that relationship works, you may need to take a step back and examine the source of that fear. Low self-esteem can make people become afraid of being alone for fear of not being able to find someone new. If your relationship is maintained only to make sure you’re not alone, there’s a chance to learn to heal from that fear before starting another relationship.

unhappy relationship

5. YOU FEEL GUILTY

A sign of an unhealthy and unhappy relationship is feeling guilt for thinking about leaving your partner. Perhaps your partner is dependent on you for whatever reason: emotionally, mentally, financially. You know that the relationship isn’t working, but instead of walking away, you allow guilt to keep you. This isn’t a good reason to stay, not for you or for your partner.

Relationships should be founded on trust, love and communication – not guilt. It might hurt, but you can still help them get the support they need, just not as a romantic partner.

6. YOU’RE STAYING FOR THE KIDS

Sometimes, people stay in relationships that have long passed their expiration date because children are involved. If they’re quite young, this might seem like a good thing. However, the older they get, the more that children can realize what’s going on. Staying with a partner for the children can easily cause resentment, and will only create a messier split down the line.

According to Psychotherapist Sean Grover, “Staying in a toxic marriage is certain to cause children more damage than good. In many cases, children blame themselves, feeling their parents’ combative relationship is somehow their fault.” Children can be negatively affected by an unhappy relationship just as much as you can. Sometimes, making the decision to part ways is best for everyone.

7. THE ONLY THING GOOD ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP IS THE SEX

If you and your partner don’t get along, don’t enjoy spending time together, and can’t seem to compromise, but the sex is phenomenal … this is probably a sign that the relationship just isn’t going to work. Physical intimacy is important, but it won’t fix a relationship that doesn’t have all the rest of the foundations. Luckily, this is an issue that can be caught early, so it’s important to keep in mind how you’re going to feel in the long run.

8. YOU FEEL FORCED TO COMPROMISE

According to adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University, Andrea Bonior, “One of the first signs of a toxic relationship is when one partner is very controlling. It can simply be that you feel frightened to share your opinions—you’re constantly walking on eggshells because you’re afraid of your partner’s emotional reactions.”

In a relationship, compromise is important. In an unhealthy relationship, compromise is only met after an ultimatum. You may find that you’re constantly giving in to your partner’s demands and wishes because you don’t want to start an argument, or because your partner never seems to want to compromise on their end. If there’s no willing compromise, then the relationship isn’t equal. You deserve to have your thoughts and ideas acknowledged and your wants and desires considered.

Relationships can have both highs and lows. Not every relationship you have is going to have the honeymoon phase last forever, and that’s okay! Relationships change, people change, but the important thing is that the relationship stays healthy. Even through all the bad times, relationships are meant to be a source of strength and support. If you find that your relationship is hitting some, or all, of these points, it may be time to reconsider what is going to make you happiest in the long run.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
30 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20976691,00.html#relationship-red-flags-0
4 Reasons Why Bad Marriages Are Worse for Kids Than Divorce
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/201703/4-reasons-why-bad-marriages-are-worse-kids-divorce

21 Easy Ways to Be The Reason Someone Smiles Today

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“Share your smile with the world. It’s a symbol of friendship and peace.” ~ Christie Brinkley

It’s easy to allow life to get us down. We’ve all got responsibilities – bills, jobs, kids, and so forth. We must also contend with the frequent and random obstructions along the way.

In the midst of life’s stressors, it’s all too easy to think “me, me, me.”

But these are the times we should think about others. More specifically, making others’ days brighter.

Simple acts of kindness have a positive and distinct reciprocal effect. Counterintuitive as it sounds, selfless acts build us up in a way that few things can.

After we’ve done something selfless, it’s common for us to feel an absence of ego. The greatest humanitarians in history – Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa, Desmond Tutu – have all discovered this truth: it is greater to give than to receive.

And all it takes is a smile.

Why a smile of all things?

Well, consider some of these fascinating things about grinning with teeth:

  • Smiling can reduce blood pressure.
  • It is “contagious.”
  • Smiling releases endorphins – our body’s feel-good hormones.
  • It is a universal sign of happiness.
  • Smiling can immediately lower others’ defenses (anger, jealousy, etc.)

Here are 21 ways to be the reason someone else smiles today! :]

1. Show them something funny

Show the person some celebrity fails on the interwebs; tell them about something dimwitted someone else (or you!) did.

And watch laughter ensue.

2. Give them a small gift

If you know the person, consider giving them a small gift. Wrap it up nicely, and it’ll probably make for a pleasant surprise.

3. Listen

This one sounds out of place, but sometimes all a person needs is for someone to listen to him or her. Your thoughtfulness may help produce a smile.

4. Be affectionate

If you know the person well, put an arm around them, give them a peck on the cheek, or otherwise show some physical affection.

5. Bring them a coffee or tea

Coffee and tea are the second and third most popular drinks in the world. One reason is that both can help us relax and enjoy each other’s company.

6. Tell a joke

Who doesn’t like a good (or bad) joke? Even better if you know the person’s sense of humor. So crack one.

7. Give a heartfelt compliment

Even the shy folk amongst us love to hear a warm commendation. Compliments are very powerful and can help make someone else’s day.

8. Reach out to someone who wants to hear from you

How many times do we think about calling someone we’d know would love to hear from us, yet forget? Think about a person who’d love to hear your voice and make their day.

9. Share a meal

There’s something so peaceful and comfortable about sharing a nice meal together. Ordering different items and sharing each other’s food is even better.

10. Tell someone how proud you are

Similar to words of encouragement, saying “I’m proud of you” has a way of lifting a person’s self-esteem.

smiles

11. Write a handwritten note or letter

Nowadays, it’s so easy to type out an email or text message. Do you remember the days when handwritten notes were a “thing”? While the written note may not be too popular anymore, they are assured to serve as a great pick-me-up.

12. Say “I’m sorry.”

Own up to your mistakes. While they may not smile in your presence, they could later when thinking of your honesty and courage.

13. Give a generous tip

Do you know how much crap people who work in a service-related job must deal with? Rude people and bad tips – enough said. If someone does a good job, leave a little extra. You may just make their day.

14. Speak some genuine words of encouragement

We all need some assurance once in a while. Life is rough sometimes. A few well-chosen words can go a long way in helping someone overcome their problems.

15. Be available for them, or let them know you’re there

As mentioned, sometimes we just need someone to listen. If they’re not quite yet ready to talk, that’s okay. Telling them you’re there may just bring a smile to their face.

16. Share an old picture

If you and the person are close, there’s probably a few old pics floating around. Find one of the funniest or most ridiculous and shoot it their way.

17. Bring some hand-picked flowers

Go out into a grassy field, grab a handful of flowers, wrap them up nicely, and give them to the person. While picking wildflowers is rare nowadays, it’s a super sweet gesture.

18. Bring them some food

Everyone loves food. Oh yeah, you already knew that. Anyways, bring them a nicely presented plate or fruits or veggies, or just stop by their favorite fast food joint.

19. Tell them “Thank You.”

Whether we consciously realize this or not, “Thank you” are two of the most cherished words for someone to hear. In essence, you’re saying “Thanks for your hard work, consideration, and care.”

20. Change their screensaver

When the person steps away from their computer, change their screen saver to something that will make them smile. Use your imagination.

21. Make a silly face

Sometimes we have to forget the whole “Act your age” thing. Funny faces have a way of cheering someone up. So peep through a doughnut or stick your tongue sideways and cross your eyes. Silly faces are always hilarious!

7 Signs Your Partner Is Too Clingy

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“Love should not cause suffocation and death if it is truly love. Don’t bundle someone into an uncomfortable cage just because you want to ensure their safety in your life. The bird knows where it belongs, and will never fly to a wrong nest.” – Michael Bassey Johnson

Everyone likes to have their own space, even in a relationship. Spending time together is one of the greatest joys in a partnership. On the other hand, time to yourself is something that all people need. That’s true even if you love being around your significant other. Sometimes, though, our partners can hang around a little too much. Being clingy has a whole host of negative connotations, and you may not notice it until it becomes a problem, or when someone else points it out to you.

Relationship development expert AJ Harbinger says, “At some point, we’ve all exhibited needy behaviors. What’s worse, it can suddenly grip us from time to time in certain contexts, even if it’s not a constant characteristic, which is part of why feelings of neediness can be so scary, difficult and unpredictable to manage.”

Having a clingy partner can cause issues in the relationship, even if you love them and understand where they’re coming from, whether it be abandonment issues or low self-esteem. Knowing the important signs that your partner is too clingy will help you be able to address the issue and deal with it before it starts to cause problems in the relationship.

Here Are 7 Signs You’re Dealing With A Clingy Partner

1. They’re always texting / calling you

This is one of the earliest and most obvious signs that your partner is far too clingy. The minute you two are apart they are texting you, constantly. They seem to get distressed or uncomfortable if they don’t know where you are or don’t have access to talk to you whenever they want to. If you’re out with your friends, you may notice that they’re constantly sending you messages and making sure that they’re always in contact with you.

But why?

Psychologist Nicole Martinez Psy.D., LCPC says, “People who are jealous and insecure will tend to cling to their partner as a means of keeping a closer eye on them.” The best way to deal with this is to let them know there are certain times that you can’t talk, and set a firm boundary. It may be difficult for them to adjust to, but it’ll make the relationship go a lot smoother.

2. When you don’t respond, they become distressed

If they send you a text message and you don’t respond within a certain period of time, it may cause them to get distressed, nervous, or upset. The reasons for this can be varied. For instance, they may catastrophize a situation, fear you’re angry with them, or feel insecure.

Toronto based dating coach Christine Hart says, “Generally, being clingy and being insecure go hand in hand.” Letting your partner know that there are going to be times that you can’t respond and that it doesn’t mean anything bad can help quell their fears. Your partner may also want to seek anxiety counseling.

3. They’re far too interested in your social media

If your partner likes to look at your Instagram, or tags you in things on Facebook, this isn’t too much of an issue. However, if they’re starting to dig through your social media and begin to ask you invasive questions about a comment that you received on an old Instagram post, or questioning the people you have on your friends list, it may be a sign your partner is a little too nervous and clingy. Discussing with them honestly what their fears are and why they feel the need to dig so much can help get to the bottom of the feeling that is driving the behavior.

4. They hate when you go out without them

Sometimes, people in relationships have different sets of friends. If your partner becomes upset or distressed when you go out with your friends without them, this is a red flag that your partner is a little too clingy – especially if you only go out occasionally, and they get upset every time. This could be due to your partner not having the same type of support system or friend circle. They may be feeling left out if they don’t go out as much. Encouraging them to find a group of friends that they can go out with will make them feel more at ease when you leave the house.

5. They adopt all your interests … and drop their own

An overly clingy partner will want to have as much in common with you as possible, even if this means abandoning things that they once enjoyed in order to adopt your interests, even if they don’t really like them.

Again, why?

That’s because “the basis around clinginess is the fear of not being loved and not being enough,” says Bernardo Mendez, a relationship coach for women.

The best way to handle this is to encourage your partner to continue to do the things that they like, and even engage in them with them. An overly clingy partner will want you to be the center of their world – and sometimes they have to be shown that you’re not!

6. They hold back their feelings or opinions

Clingy partners tend to be extremely self-conscious or have low self-esteem. This can result in them holding back their true opinions, or allowing your own worldview to become their own. Clingy partners tend to do this in order to make sure that they don’t drive their partners away. So ensure that your partner feels safe expressing their political, religious, or social beliefs around you can alleviate this desire to change their opinions to match your own.

7. They’re more into you than you are into them

This is a tough one to deal with. If you’re dating someone casually, it may be clear that they’re far more into you than you are into them.

Author Elizabeth Stone tells us why this happens. She says, “When we feel insecure and worry that someone is pulling away from us, often we try to pursue them for reassurance that they’ll never leave us—an insecure behavior and attitude that causes them to want to leave us.”

Making sure you set boundaries early in the relationship, especially if it’s a casual one. Indeed, this action will make it so that your partner doesn’t expect too much out of you, or expect more than you’re willing to put forward. It sucks when the lines of a relationship aren’t clearly drawn.

Final thoughts

If your significant other shows signs of being overly clingy. While you still care about them and want to keep the relationship going, it’s important to make sure that you communicate and draw clear boundaries. If your partner crosses those boundaries repeatedly, it may be best to let the relationship go. But, there’s an equally high chance that communication and understanding will help turn a relationship around and make it much more balanced.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Researchers Explain How A Lack of Sleep Can Ruin Your Relationship

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“It doesn’t take a study to tell us that a lack of sleep affects our cognitive capacities, but luckily, there are a lot of them. Sleep deprivation can affect everything from cognition to attention to decision-making.” ~ Alice G. Walton: ‘7 Ways Sleep Affects The Brain (And What Happens If It Doesn’t Get Enough).’

Okay, so we’re not going to ramble on about the importance of sleep. You’re a smart group of folks and, more than likely, you’ve dealt with lack of sleep once or twice. Suffice to say that sleep deprivation is considered a public health epidemic by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Without a doubt, thinking (aka ‘cognitive’) abilities decline rapidly when we don’t sleep enough. To compensate, we’ll hit the cursed snooze button; borderline-overdose on caffeine; sleepwalk into the office; try miserably to work for eight hours – and get the hell home. The question then becomes: did you learn a lesson? Too many of us don’t for whatever reason.

Many of us don’t prioritize sleeping. This uncomfortable truth negatively affects so many areas of our lives, including relationships.

Lack of sleep is terrible for love

Many studies affirm the physical and mental toll of sleep deprivation. Considering that relationships take up a large part of our time and stamina, it’s hardly surprising to find that lack of sleep can inflict substantial damage.

bed sleep

Let’s talk about how skimping on sleep can wreak havoc on your love life:

1. You’re more impulsive 

June Pilcher, a professor of psychology at Clemson University in South Carolina, states: “Self-control is part of daily decision-making…Studies have also found that sleep deprivation decreases self-control but increases hostility in people, which can create problems in the workplace and at home.” We’re stating the obvious here, but impulsivity and relationships are usually a dangerous mix.

Tip #1: Don’t snap at your spouse or children. So please get at least seven hours of sleep.

2. Your sex drive plummets 

Studies have linked sleep deprivation to low testosterone levels in both men and women. It’s important to understand that not only can sleep deprivation reduce sex drive, but it can result in sexual dysfunction. The potent effects of poor sleep; including fatigue, low energy, and sleepiness, almost always has a dampening – and potentially debilitating – impact on libido.

Tip #2: To help relax and induce sleep, try a quick 10-minute meditation. Focus your attention on the inhale and exhale. Disregard the random thoughts that pop into your head (at first, this will happen a lot!)

3. You’re less attractive

Your partner is with you for many reasons, including your attractiveness. While the innate human tendency to seek out an individual who is physically attractive fades a bit after a while, it is nonetheless important. When we feel healthy, we feel more attractive and confident. In fact, these characteristics are inseparable.

Per one Swedish study, researchers note the following: “Our findings show that sleep-deprived people appear less healthy, less attractive, and more tired compared with when they are well-rested. This suggests that humans are sensitive to sleep-related facial cues, with potential implications for social and clinical judgments and behavior.”

Tip #3: If you are a smoker or coffee-drinker, avoid indulging 4-6 hours before bedtime.

4. You’re less grateful 

Amie Gordon, a psychology professor at the University of California at Berkeley, states:“Poor sleep may make us more selfish as we prioritize our own needs over our partner’s. Make sure to say ‘thanks’ when your partner does something nice.” 

You read that correctly. Indeed, being deprived of sleep can cause someone to forget to say “thanks.” Given that it requires almost no effort to utter two words, it must feel like lifting bricks trying to conjure up a meaningful idea.

Tip #4: Make it a habit of falling asleep and waking up at the same time every day.

5. You’re more hostile

Every relationship has disagreements. No amount of sleep you get will negate this fact. However, adequate sleep may just make any verbal spat less aggressive. Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, a relationship scientist at the Ohio State Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research, states: “When people (sleep less), it’s a little like looking at the world through dark glasses. Their moods are poorer. We’re grumpier. Lack of sleep hurts the relationship.”

Tip #5: While a heavy meal prior to bedtime is a bad idea, a small snack may help induce sleep, according to WebMD.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
http://www.bmj.com/content/341/bmj.c6614
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3148304/How-bad-night-s-sleep-erodes-self-control-Not-shut-eye-makes-impulsive-fuel-addiction.html
http://edition.cnn.com/2015/02/18/health/great-sleep-recession/index.html
https://www.dmarge.com/2017/09/sleep-deprivation-relationships.html
https://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2016/12/09/7-ways-sleep-affects-the-brain-and-what-happens-if-it-doesnt-get-enough/#5130df49753c
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/04/well/family/relationship-problems-try-getting-more-sleep.html
https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/news/20011004/12-tips-better-sleep-troubled-times

Why You Should Work Out With Your Partner, According To Science

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“The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommend at least 2.5 hours of moderate cardio activity or 1.25 hours of vigorous cardio work out activity every week, plus two days of strength training.” ~ Rebecca Harrington

Let’s break down what Rebecca Harrington is saying: (a) we should be doing 90 to 150 minutes of cardio and (b) an hour or so of weight training per week.

“Check and check?” Good for you!

“Not so much?” Don’t feel bad about yourself. You’re not alone, believe us.

Yours truly absolutely despised the idea of working out before getting hooked. In fact, most people who work out regularly hated the idea of exercise at first.

Then they found out a little secret: the payoff – especially how much better exercise makes you feel – is well-worth the initial struggle of motivation.

If you struggle with a less-than-enthused attitude as it pertains to working out, any tip, trick, or “hack” is welcome. In this respect, you may want to consider bringing your partner along.

Why? Well, research gives us a few reasons why we should sweat it out with our better halves.

Here’s why you should work out with your SO:

1. Gives our workout a boost

A few of us appreciate a complete absence of people (as in, zero gymgoers) when hitting the gym. Most of us, though, like at least a couple of people around.

Why is this?

Well, humans don’t like doing things by themselves much – the whole “social creature” thing.

Now scientists are saying that your partner may provide an energy boost while working out. This is especially true if we’re already confident in our physical fitness, and have established an exercise routine.

2. A healthier relationship

Studies show that couples who engage in some challenging physical activity report feeling more satisfied with their partners.

Researchers attribute this effect to the physiological components of working out. This makes sense, as exercise is known for producing feel-good hormones, at least in the short term. It isn’t a stretch of the imagination to think that prolonged exercise by our partner’s side would translate into some long-term relationship benefits.

3. Produces lovey-dovey feelings 

The biological and chemical effects of exercise are potent. Few activities produce a natural cocktail of bodily elixirs – and vigorous exercise is one of them.

In fact, physiologists state that the chemicals produced by the body while working out are the same as those it makes while falling in love.

In short, you’ll probably feel more attracted to your partner by making them your gym buddy.

4. Helps us achieve our fitness goals

When both partners care about fitness, it’s easier to for them to support each other’s goals.

In a recent study involving married men of average weight, researchers found that men were more likely to care about health and fitness if their partner did too. Additionally, the men were more physically active when their wives expressed their encouragement and support.

Exercise is similar to intimacy in the sense that both involve emotional ebbs and flows; physical activity is just a healthier way of expression (and resolution!)

5. Strengthens our emotional bond

Researchers found that a certain synchrony exists between some partners when they work out together. They observed couples matching each other’s walking or running pace, lifting weights in rhythm, and even passing a medicine ball in similar time intervals (from catch to pass.)

Scientists call this phenomenon “nonverbal mimicry,” which assists human beings in their development and strengthening of emotional bonding.

6. Encourages healthy dissolution of stress 

Anyone who goes to the gym will tell you about the extraordinary stress-relieving benefits of exercise.

The reason our body reacts so positively and fully to exercise is simple: the human body is not meant to be a stationary entity. Swiftness of movement and physical mobility are evolutionary traits passed down by our distant ancestors through the millennia.

Too many couples handle stress in unhealthy ways – through avoidance, grumbling, or conflict. We act out like this because we need an outlet – and it’s that simple.

Rather than release pent-up stress via a shouting match, it’s much healthier to allow our the body to take care of it for us. And there’s no better, more robust stress-buster than some physical activity.

Final Thoughts

Please do not fall into the trap of thinking that exercise is tedious. Gym memberships, spinning classes, and high-intensity training are not all there is – far from it.

While the “typical” environment associated with exercise may be the gym, it is by no means the only (or “best”) choice.

The “best” type of exercise is one that you enjoy and makes you feel good about yourself.

Find an activity – biking, walking, tennis, basketball, anything – that you and your partner enjoy.

As long as the chosen form of physical activity helps break a sweat, you – and your relationship – will experience the numerous benefits that exercise has to offer.

Sources:
http://www.businessinsider.com/scientific-reasons-why-exercise-is-good-for-you-2015-11?op=1
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201401/5-reasons-why-couples-who-sweat-together-stay-together

5 Techniques To Stop Feeling Like A Failure

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We’re not going to start with an “It’s okay to fail repeatedly” sort of talk. Why do we mire ourselves in failure?

Because it’s not okay. It’s not okay to keep failing unless you’re trying to change the world by changing yourself.

*By the way, changing yourself does change the world. So keep at it!

You shouldn’t give two S*iT$ about failing to meet others’ expectations. Forget about conforming to what “society” (yes, including your family) expects of you. Obeying the law and treating others with loving kindness are the only dues you owe.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” ~ Winston Churchill

To truly “fail” is to fail yourself.

You should undoubtedly care about failing yourself. To be clear, to fail yourself isn’t to experience missteps along the way – everyone does.

Please understand that success and failure are defined on an individual level. In much of the developed world, culture promises that things like education, possessions, money, and some religion will make you happy. Maybe these things will, but most likely they will not. Not really – and not over the long-term.

5 Techniques To Stop Feeling Like A Failure

failure

1. Seek happiness internally.

The explanation is simple: People who buy into the promises of society or anyone else are relying on the external world to deliver internal (and highly individualized) happiness. Psychology – and common sense – tells us that this is highly improbable.

2. Breathe

Breathe? Really?! “Don’t I breathe already?”

Yes, but if you’re like many people, you probably breathe very shallowly.

Proper breathing is one of the life’s most precious gifts. Diaphragmic breathing can change your heart, mind, and spirit. It can make us happier, less stressed, and more resilient.

Here’s how to practice diaphragmatic breathing (“belly breathing”) per the Cleveland Clinic:

  1. Sit comfortably, with your knees bent and your shoulders, head and neck relaxed.
  2. Breathe in slowly through your nose so that your stomach moves out against your hand. The hand on your chest should remain as still as possible.
  3. Place one hand on your upper chest and the other just below your rib cage. This will allow you to feel your diaphragm move as you breathe.
  4. Tighten your stomach muscles, letting them fall inward as you exhale through pursed. The hand on your upper chest must remain as still as possible.

Start by practicing this technique 5-10 minutes every day.

3. Allow yourself to feel

Personal failure can take a heavy emotional toll – and this is okay. Remember that it is not the situation that determines your happiness, but your reaction to that situation.

Feel afraid, sad, frustrated, confused…whatever you need to feel at that time – but do so non-judgmentally. Be kind to yourself.

Buddhism calls this type of emotional processing acceptance. We can accept these emotions and feel them without attaching to them.

Proper breathing activates the parasympathetic area of the nervous system (PNS), which suppresses the fight-or-flight response. Fight-or-flight is responsible for fear, anger, and all other negative emotions.

Another simple breathing exercise just for this purpose:

  1. Inhale through your belly for 3 seconds. Pause briefly.
  2. Exhale for 5-6 seconds.
  3. Repeat 6 times.

Congratulations. You just activated the PNS!

Please try this the next time someone cuts you off in traffic. You’ll be amazed!

4. Understand the benefits of failure

We’ll quote Churchill one more time:

“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”

So let’s critique ole’ Winston a bit. We’d all love nothing more than to fail and remain enthusiastic. But unless you’re a Yogi or monk, it’s probably not possible.

What’s possible is recognizing the benefits of failure – and there are many. Here are three:

First, failure is inseparable from self-realization and accomplishment.

Second, failure strengthens our character and willpower.

Third, it is through failure that we learn who we are – and how much further we must go.

“Character is what you are in the dark.”

Failure is an excellent teacher of character because it has a way of exposing us to the dark.

failure

5. Occupy your mind

Time to get to work!

In all seriousness, there may not be a better way of overcoming the fear of failure than using your beautiful brain.

Nothing takes your mind off of the negative like hard work. On the other hand, if you need a break, take one! Engage in a hobby or find a new one, take a nap, read a good book – whatever you enjoy! Joyful distraction can be productive too! Just don’t get lazy.

Occupy your mind, and you’ll have much less to be afraid of!

10 Self Esteem Tricks to Feel Proud of Where You Are Right Now

by

“Love who you are, embrace who you are. Love yourself. When you love yourself, people can kind of pick up on that: they can see confidence, they can see self-esteem, and naturally, people gravitate towards you.” – Lilly Singh

Everyone needs a boost every once in a while. As much as we like to think that our self-esteem is fine, it always helps to give ourselves little boosts and reminders. If you find that your day-to-day life could use a little self-esteem boost, never fear. You’re not the only one, not by a long shot!

“Recognizing inner worth, and loving one’s imperfect self, provide the secure foundation for growth. With that security, one is free to grow with enjoyment, not fear of failure — because failure doesn’t change core worth,” says the author of The Self-Esteem Workbook Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D.

10 Self-Esteem Tricks To Make You Feel Proud Of Where You Are Right Now

If you’re looking to find tricks that will help boost your self-esteem whenever you need it, look no further. You’ll be able to get your own self-esteem back up in no time.

1. Look at your life objectively

If things aren’t going so well, take a step back. Are they really that bad? It doesn’t do anyone any good to compare your suffering to someone else’s, but stepping back and looking at your life and situation objectively can help you stop feeling so low. After all, things probably aren’t as bad as they seem at first. Once you’re able to see that, your self-esteem will bounce back easily.

2. Admire past achievements

When your self-esteem feels like it’s falling, don’t forget to look back at all the things you’ve accomplished. Look at where you were two years ago versus where you are now. Look back on all your school awards, your accomplishments, job advancements or relationship milestones. Whatever reminds you of how far you’ve come! It’ll make you feel much better.

3. Acknowledge 5 positive things

Sometimes, it can be hard to see the good things in life, and that can damage our self-esteem. When that happens, try pointing out five positive things about yourself and your life. Maybe you’re good at making people feel better, or great at handling difficult phone calls. No positive thing is too big or too small to make you feel better. Remember, “Reminding yourself of all your assets is a sure confidence booster,” says licensed psychologists Leslie Sokol, Ph.D. and Marci Fox

4. Detox your social media

Seeing the carefully constructed lives of all the people around us can really start to put us in the dumps. It looks like people are doing and achieving so many amazing things, and it feels like we’re just stuck. To boost your self-esteem, turn off your social media. Delete your apps, log out, and focus on your life. Enjoy your time with friends and family without documenting it on Instagram or Snapchat.

5. Read an old diary

If you have a journal that you’ve kept since high school, then a good way to feel a little better about yourself is to read back through it. All of your silly, high school drama will seem so hysterical now. It’s a good way to remind yourself that you’re not that person anymore, and thank god!

6. Give yourself a pep talk

Yep, out loud. Talking to yourself is a great way to shake yourself out of feeling poorly. Not only that, but talking out loud to yourself is guaranteed to make it easier to internalize your messages.

“Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are a unique, special, and valuable person, and that you deserve to feel good about yourself. You are, after all, a miracle of consciousness, the consciousness of the universe,” adds psychiatrist, philosopher and author Neel Burton, MD.

So, when you’re feeling particularly low, give yourself a pep talk. Treat yourself the way you would a close friend.

self-esteem

7. No need to be perfect

Analyze your perception of what ‘perfect’ means. Are you trying to reach the heights of someone else, or are you trying to achieve an impossible standard? Letting yourself stop worrying about being perfect can be an amazing self-esteem boost.

Ariana Grande once said, “Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.” Remember, perfection is entirely subjective. Doing your best can be perfect, and your best won’t be someone else’s best. It’s all about doing what’s right for you.

8. You’re number one

Sure, doing things for friends and family members is important, but you have to remember that it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes. If you need a day to relax, it’s okay to say “no” sometimes. Don’t be afraid to put yourself first if you need to have time to let your self-esteem reboot. It’s okay to treat yourself when things get too much!

9. Be spontaneous

Get in your car and take a road trip one town over! Go out to a new bar! Play a game you usually wouldn’t, or read a genre of book you’ve never tried before. Being spontaneous and acting out of character can be a great way to change up your life and give you a little boost of excitement. When we’re feeling low, sometimes all we need is a little change of scenery.

10. Hang with friends

This is a sane way to remind yourself how loved and appreciated you are. When you’re not feeling so hot, getting together with friends is an automatic self-esteem booster. After all, friends are there to lift you up and validate you.

“A healthy dose of skepticism and uncertainty about ourselves is a good thing because it helps us make better decisions. No one knows everything or has perfect instincts, and having good friends on whom we can rely for advice helps improve our sense of self-confidence and make better decisions,” says psychologist and author Irene S. Levine, Ph.D.

Don’t be afraid to reach out when you need some self-esteem boost. Your friends will always have your back!

Final thoughts on boosting your self-esteem

No matter how you usually feel in your day-to-day life, it’s probably true that your self-esteem isn’t always infallible. You may need a reminder from time-to-time, like everyone. Learning the best way to boost your self-esteem will make it easier for your self-esteem to stay high.

References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201703/8-steps-improving-your-self-esteem
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/think-confident-be-confident/201001/six-ways-boost-your-self-esteem
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201110/five-ways-friends-help-build-our-self-confidence

10 Quality Behaviors of A Friend For Life

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“There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” – Thomas Aquinas

Friendship is one of the many amazing types of relationships that we can have with other people. For some people, friendship means having a lot of good friends. For others, it means having just a few close friends. And for some people, having one quality friend for life is enough.

Pastor, author, educator, and radio preacher Charles R. Swindoll once mentioned, “I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun.”

Yes, friends make life worth living, but how do you know when you’ve found that one person who is going to be your friend for life? There are plenty of ways to tell when someone will stand up to the many trials and tribulations that come with being a best friend for life.

10 Behaviors of A Quality Friend For Life

1. They call us out when we’re wrong

A quality friend for life is going to be our conscience. They won’t let us get away with being wrong, especially when they know that we would rather be corrected. A quality friend won’t call you out just to argue, however, but they will let you know when you’re in the wrong, and they’ll make sure that they always have your back to correct you in any situation.

Certified psychiatrist and the director of the Cleveland Clinic Robert Rowney, D.O. says, “If it’s a superficial friend or a new friend, they’re not going to say anything that may be off-putting… But if it’s a real friend — someone you truly trust — they know they can tell you exactly what’s on their mind. People who are open and straightforward are some of the most important types of friends to have.”

2. They’re always there

Not physically- but they’re always extremely present when you’re with them. They don’t zone out or look at their phones when you’re in the middle of talking with them. Rather, a quality friend will make sure that they’re always listening to you, and responding to what you’re saying. They respect your thoughts, feelings and opinions and they’ll always be there – not somewhere else, while you’re talking.

3. They listen

And we mean really listen. A quality friend will be able to remember your opinions on anything, and they’ll always listen when you’re talking. They don’t just wait for their turn in the conversation.

“Good listeners really put everything down and focus on [the person in front of them]. And as a result, the other person becomes instantly aware that they have an interest in what they have to say,” says assistant professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work Paul Sacco, Ph.D.

Quality friends actively engage in your discussion, and they’ll be able to give you strong and real opinions on what they think. You’ll be able to have a real, two-way discussion when you’re talking with a quality friend.

4. They’re there for us during the good times …

A quality friend is always going to be there for you when things are going good. They won’t be jealous or feel threatened by your success. They’re genuinely happy for you, and they genuinely want to see you succeed. You know that you have a quality friend when they’re the first person that you want to tell when it comes to all of the things going good in your life.

5. …and the bad times

But more importantly, your quality friend will be there for you when things aren’t going so well, either. They’re always going to be there to support you during bad breakups, job losses, fights with your partner or your family, and anything else that can go wrong in life. They’re not only invested in your friendship because you’re happy, but because they enjoy you as a person.

6. They help keep your stress under control

When life is going wrong, or your daily stressors are getting too much, your quality friend is going to make sure that they help you keep your stress under control. They’re always going to know when you need to check out and do something that isn’t stressful – like take a break or go out and do something fun.

Is that for real?

Yep, a study by the American Psychological Association mentions, “When a best friend was not present, there was a significant increase in cortisol and a significant decrease in global self-worth as the negativity of the experience increased. When a best friend was present, there was less change in cortisol and global self-worth due to the negativity of the experience.”

7. They also keep us humble

A quality friend will hype us up when we deserve it, but they won’t hesitate to let us know when we’re not doing our best, and that we can always do better. They’re there to make sure that your accomplishments get celebrated, without letting your ego expand. They remind you of your roots. A real friend won’t let you forget where you came from.

As Rowney mentions, “They knew you before you made it big or achieved any accolades. They know the deep-down, base version of you. So not only will they support you when you succeed, but they remind you [of] where you came from.”

friends-quote

8. They always have your back

No matter what drama or trouble you get into, a quality friend for life is going to have your back. Whether it’s confronting a bad ex, or dealing with being unfairly passed over for a job promotion, your quality friend will always be the first one there to support you.

“Honesty isn’t always an easy thing, but it’s important to your bond. Swallowing that pill and being the best friend you can by being open with them always works out better,” adds Rowney.

Quality friends won’t ever let anyone treat you poorly, and they’ll always defend you against people who want to hurt you.

9. Your friendship is a priority

For some people, friendship doesn’t come first. Their families, jobs, relationships … all of those are things that can come before your friendship. But a quality friend for life will always make sure that your friendship is one of the top priorities in your lives. They’ll make sure that they always make time for you, no matter what.

10. They practice forgiveness

People fight. You can’t get through a relationship with any person without having an argument or two. For some people, getting into one disagreement spells the end of friendship. But for a quality friend, they will always learn to forgive you for your misgivings, just the way that you’ve learned to forgive them.

Randy Taran, author and producer of Project Happiness adds, “When conflicts come up, real friends have the courage to reach out directly rather than gossiping and letting irritations grow. Real friends understand, and because they understand they are capable of forgiving.”

Your friendship is for life, no matter what.

Final thoughts

A quality friend is someone who will be by your side no matter what. They’ll be there through the good times and the bad times. They’ll have your back, and won’t let anyone talk badly about you. You never have to worry about losing them, because they won’t ever want to lose you, either. That’s how you know that you have a quality friend for life.

https://youtu.be/PlNgf2RRH0U

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References
http://www.huffingtonpost.in/entry/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821
http://www.huffingtonpost.in/entry/habits-of-good-listeners_n_5668590
http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-19550-001
http://www.huffingtonpost.in/entry/best-friend-benefits_us_5756e1e5e4b0ca5c7b5012d4
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/randy-taran/conscious-relationships_b_5644654.html
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