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What Your Face Tells You About Your Health

September 14, 2016 by Power of Positivity

You might not know that it’s possible to tell a lot about your health just by looking at your face, but there is information revealed by just looking in the mirror.

What Does Your Face Reveal About Your Health?

The mirror has a lot to tell you when you look at the skin of your face because it can show underlying health problems. If you see some symptoms of the disease on the surface of your skin, it’s important to receive a test for health issues for the organs that correspond with that location of the skin problem on your face.

Distinctive facial features and what they reveal about your health

Researchers at the Department of Psychology of the University of Western Australia looked at the ways that body symmetry is associated with health. They ranked participants’ faces for symmetry (looking the same on both sides of their face), averageness (looking less distinctive than other people), and for distinctiveness (looking different from the average person). They found that facial distinctiveness ratings of 17-year-olds were associated with poor childhood health in males, and poor current and adolescent health in females.

Scientists then tested peoples’ perceptions of a healthy-looking face compared to an unhealthy face. When asked to rate faces for their perceived health, people gave averaged composite faces the highest health ratings, which is what they expected. Having an average-looking face is equated with being healthy. Symmetrical faces may signal a healthy mate. But we also tend to have preferences for symmetry in the design of our homes, our furnishings, and our clothes. Our pursuit of attractive and aesthetically pleasing faces may not be simply a pursuit for a healthy mate based on their face.

What does your birth month reveal about your health?

Skin discoloration

Smoking, drinking too much, and eating too many of the wrong kinds of foods can all discolor your skin. Here are some of the most common facial skin discoloration problems and what they reveal about your health.

Redness – A night of heavy drinking can make your face ruddy or red in the morning. Redness can also be due to an allergic response.
Blotchiness – Patchy redness can indicate rosacea, a skin inflammation response to an environmental irritant
Pale – a lack of blood flow to the face could indicate that a person is going to pass out.
Greenish – Usually an indication of nausea and potential vomiting. This could be from food poisoning, overeating, or excessive alcohol drinking.
Yellow – A yellow color to the skin and the whites of the eyes is a big cause for concern. This could indicate jaundice, liver disease, pancreatic disease, or gall bladder disease. Skin of the face can also become yellowish if you consume a lot of yellow or orange food that contains carotenoids like carrots or tomatoes.

Skin conditions

Dryness – Dryness is your skin’s way of asking for more moisture.
Flaky skin – skin naturally loses its top layer but flaky skin is usually more than just the surface layer of skin cells that shed. Exfoliate by scrubbing gently with a dry washcloth and apply a heavier moisturizer than usual. A few drops of coconut oil, olive oil, or castor oil will help relieve dryness.
Acne – Acne is an inflammatory response to clogged pores.
Deep Wrinkles – wrinkles are a normal part of growing older but deep creases may indicate that you are sleeping poorly with a pillow that is not conforming to your face.

What these zones of the face can reveal about your health

In Traditional Chinese Medicine and in Ayurvedic practices, acupressure stimulates parts the feet, face, and hands. This pressure can activate the body’s energy to heal other organs. There are energy meridians running up and down our bodies, similar to our veins and arteries. Along these energy meridians are corresponding points that when stimulated send energy to repair your internal organs.

Researchers studying acupuncture’s effects on the skin found that ‘In the field of dermatology, acupuncture has been reported to be beneficial for the treatment of acne, post-herpetic neuralgia [burning rash similar to shingles], psoriasis, atopic dermatitis, and urticaria [itchy welts].’ They say that ‘Acupuncture is an old therapeutic method that includes both needle and non-needle acupuncture. Non-needle acupuncture includes moxibustion [smudging the body with mugwort], cupping, and acupressure.’

By stimulating these points on the face, a practitioner of acupuncture or acupressure can help heal these corresponding bodily organs.

Forehead – bladder, liver, stomach, gall bladder
Eyebrow – thyroid, liver, kidney
Chin – kidney, bladder
Nose – heart
Ears – kidney
Under eye – stomach, kidney, liver
Upper cheek – heart, colon
Lower cheek – lungs, stomach, colon
Upper lip – stomach
Lower lip – intestines
Below nose – spleen

The theory of Traditional Chinese and Ayurvedic medicine is that any skin problems in these areas relate to underlying health problems in the correlating organs. For example, a person with rosacea on their upper cheeks might have inflammation in their colon or problems with the heart or lungs.

Bottom line. Closely analyze changes in your face and skin on the rest of your body. This attention can make a huge difference in what health results you achieve. Awareness of any situation is of utmost importance, especially when it comes to your life.

4 Simple Remedies That Can Cure Smelly Feet

September 13, 2016 by Power of Positivity

“If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are built upside down,” goes the old joke.

How is your foot hygiene? Are those flippers you call feet as clean as a whistle or is it a case of “it ain’t easy bein’ cheesy”? You can tell us, your secret is safe with us…

What do you do to get rid of that nasty, horrible smell, known medically as bromodosis, from your feet? Use deodorant or perfume? If that is your weapon of choice and you bathe your feet in Elizabeth Arden, it is high time to change your plan of attack.

Here is a small, simple secret, so you can win the battle and the war. The odor is a symptom of what is really going on down there (in your feet, Dirty Den!); what you do not see is that your feet have roughly 1/4 million sweat glands on each, producing two PINTS of sweat daily between them. This makes bacteria make camp in your feet and reproduce, using your sweat as their food stuff that they crave to survive and thrive.

Regular washing is normally enough to remedy this, but what about under abnormal conditions? Athlete’s foot is a type of fungal infection in the feet, which is more common than most people realize. This particular infection comes to pass when the lowest points of our body are stuffed inside dark shoes for hours on end, and that probably means you, right? (If not, apologies.)

According to Lorraine Jones, a podiatrist – a doctor who specializes in feet, via the National Health Service (NHS) in the United Kingdom:

“Your feet sweat into your shoes all day so they get damp and bacteria start to grow. The bacteria continue to breed once you’ve taken your shoes off, especially if you put them in a dark cupboard. Then, when you put your shoes back on the next day, even if you’ve just had a shower, putting your feet into still damp shoes creates the perfect conditions for the bacteria to thrive – warm, dark and moist.”

You say: “Enough with the suspense already; just tell us what the four simple remedies to get rid of the smell are.” Alright then! Here they are if you are ready to do battle.

4 Simple Remedies For Smelly Feet

1. Change shoes/Wash insoles weekly

Rotation is the big sensation, baby! Do not use the same shoes twice in as many days. This gives the recently-worn shoes time to dry out, ready for next use. Also, it helps to have real ventilation to allow your feet to “breathe”, therefore not requiring the foot to sweat so much. The optimal material for this is leather, which is far better than any other presently.

2. Alum Powder

A bacteria killer in an antiseptic powder, although alum is better known with shaving. This remedy goes straight in for the kill, tackling the core problem – the bacteria. Sprinkle some on your feet, the soles, the ankles, and in between the toes. “However it is advised to use it every other day instead of every day,” suggests Wild Turmeric.

3. Black Tea Soak

Your proverbial white knight. This contains tannin, a plant polyphenol, an anti-bacterial substance (not to be confused with tannic acid – all tannic acids are tannins, but not all tannins are tannic acids). So, “you’ll need one pint of water (for boiling purposes) and two black tea bags. Both regular and decaffeinated varieties will work. You’ll next need to dilute the tea solution with two quarts of cold water,” states Life Hacker. Life Hacker continues: “Once you’ve created the mix, soak in it for one week, 30 minutes daily. You can lower the count to twice weekly once you see some results.”

4. Vinegar Soak

This will undoubtedly make you the bad odor conqueror. Harmless on the battlefield that is your feet, you will destroy the odor of smelly feet with this recipe, as explained by Mr. Avocado himself, David Wolfe: “Mix half a cup of vinegar with 8 cups of hot water. Let it cool until its comfortable and then soak your feet in the mixture for about 15 minutes. Then, rinse your feet. If you’d like to get rid of the vinegar smell, just wash your feet with some natural soap.”

Now fight the good fight and reclaim your territory that is your feet. Your feet belong to you, not microscopic invaders.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Researchers Reveal What Negative Thoughts Can Do To Your Health

September 13, 2016 by Chris Butler

We all know the phrase: “You are your own worst enemy.” What does it mean to you? Take a moment or two to pause and reflect. Nope, five seconds is not “a moment or two.” Search deep inside yourself–do you engage in negative thinking? Seriously. This is your health that is at stake.

Tick tock. Excuse me, let me grab a coffee while you work your interior magic. Keep up the excellent work reflecting.

Proof Positive: Negative Thinking Is Bad For Your Health

Done it? Good. Unfortunately, this is a one-way conversation, so your thoughts stay where they are (if someone out there has a way to convey their thoughts telepathically, we are all ears… or all minds, or whatever!). My particular sentiments on this are that it hurts. Yes, it kills me inside. It is known as “the nocebo effect,” the other side of the coin to the placebo effect. “The term nocebo (Latin noc?b?, “I shall harm,” from noce?, “I harm”) was coined by Walter Kennedy in 1961 to denote the counterpart to the use of placebo (Latin plac?b?, “I shall please,” from place?, “I please”); as a substance that may produce a beneficial, healthful, pleasant, or desirable effect,” affirms Wikipedia. Using the mind in life, we can either hurt or help ourselves.

With the placebo/nocebo effect, take Raj in The Big Bang Theory as an example, who had an irrational fear of talking to women without alcohol. With a bottle of (non-alcoholic) beer in his hand, he confidently walks up and talks to Summer Glau, a famous actress, on the train. He impresses her with his charm until Howard points out what Raj is drinking, and the poor Indian astrophysicist returns to his fearful self and timidly walks away.

Dr. Masaru Emoto’s Water Experiment

According to Dr. Masaru’s water experiments, Dr. Masaru Emoto studied water crystals for years to study the crystal structures that water forms. He landed on a beautiful piece of evidence of how negativity impacts the systems. He would play the crystals with different kinds of music and would also expose the crystals to other emotions. What Dr. Emoto found was that positivity led to beautiful crystal forms whereas hate and negativity led to the dissipation and irregularity of the crystal form.” What does this have to do with humans? I thought you would never ask: This has implications for the health of the human body as we are composed of 50-70% water.

Emiliana Simon-Thomas, Ph.D., science director of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, was quoted as saying by Health.com: “Many negative emotions such as anger, fear, and frustration become problematic when those emotions turn into a more permanent disposition or a habitual outlook on the world.” Health.com does not stop there. It also talks about some negative emotional states and their impact on the physical and neurological parts of the well-being of a human being.

Cynicism and Negative Thinking

They continue… “Take cynicism, for example; a 2014 study published in the journal Neurology linked high levels of cynicism later in life, i.e., a general distrust of people (and their motives), to a greater risk of dementia compared to those who were more trusting, even after accounting for other risk factors like age, sex, specific heart health markers, smoking status, and more. This way of thinking may also hurt your heart.

A 2009 study from the journal Circulation looked at data from nearly 100,000 women and found that the most cynical participants were more likely to have heart disease than the least cynical folks. The more pessimistic women also had a higher chance of dying over the study period, versus those who were more optimistic about humanity.” Fear not, dear friends. We can change this. Simon-Thomas goes on: “We know that neural pathways are changing every minute of your entire life and that your brain is generating new cells throughout your life. And this neurogenesis is not only associated with the formation of new memories, but with mood stability, as well.”

Simon-Thomas concludes: “We can be deliberate about shifting our habits of feeling and thinking in the world.”

10 Habits To Reverse Negative Thinking and Be Happier In Life

Now that you know the reasons to bring more positivity into your life, here are some steps you can take to be more positive.

1. Seek to be grateful

Being grateful can have a powerful effect on your health. Negative thoughts take a backseat when focusing on what you are thankful for in your life. Take some time, every day, to look back at your day. Some people call this looking for the “roses” or the “thorns.” The roses are those good things that happened that you feel grateful for in your day. The “thorns” are those things that weren’t so great. Looking at both gives you a realistic picture of life. There’s the bad stuff, but there is always something to be grateful for in your daily life.

2. Take a deep breath

Breathing comes naturally, but when you’re struggling with negative thoughts, you may need to take a couple of extra deep breaths to get refocused. Breathe in deeply and slowly allow the air to escape from your mouth. Relax your body and your mind. This can reset your brain.

3. Help someone

Helping someone is a natural way to help push away your negative thoughts. Focusing on someone else and their problems put your negative stuff into perspective. It may feel counterintuitive to reach out to others when you’re feeling negative, but it’s worth the effort. Studies show that helping others improves happiness and decreases stress and loneliness. It also builds your resilience so you can face difficulties better. Some places that are always looking for volunteers include:

A soup kitchen
Churches
Schools
Local hospitals
Pet shelters

4. Be alert to your negative thinking

It’s good to understand yourself and how you think. It’s good to know your specific temptations. Being attentive to your negative thoughts helps you not be surprised by them. You know yourself well enough to realize you’re headed into dangerous waters by thinking a certain way. Asking yourself some questions can help you figure out why you’re having negative thoughts. Ask yourself things like:

Why am I feeling like this? What triggered these thoughts?
What happened that caused me to feel sad suddenly? Angry? Discouraged?
Did someone say something or do something that made me feel this way?

Once you understand what’s going on, you can redirect your thoughts away from negativity. Slowing down your negative thoughts and turning them around from the direction they’re headed is helpful. This helps you stop the downward spiral of negative thoughts and makes you feel in control of your thoughts rather than your thoughts being in control of you.

5. See the humor

Seeing the humor in your negative thoughts is a positive way to reverse your negativity. This doesn’t mean you try to pretend you’re not feeling negative, but it’s being able to laugh at yourself. It’s refusing to let the negative thoughts control you. You control them and how much they can affect your mood. Laugh at the ridiculousness of where your negativity is headed and tell them to turn around.

6. Don’t pretend

Of course, it’s never good to pretend you don’t have negative thoughts. It’s best to look your negativity straight in the eye instead of resisting them. Accept that you are having negative thoughts. You’ll feel better just being honest with yourself. Once you accept them, it’s easier to disarm their power over you. Your negative thoughts don’t need to define you. Tell yourself something like,

Yep, these bothersome negative thoughts have shown up again, but today, I’m not going to listen to them. I want to focus on what I’m doing. I don’t have time for the pain they’re trying to inflict on me.

7. Take Full Responsibility

Taking responsibility means you accept your part and make it right. If you did something and it’s bothering you, take responsibility for your part. If there’s an apology you need to make or some restitution, you should make, take action and do it. Then let go of it. Don’t beat yourself up about your mistakes. Everyone makes them. Perhaps you struggle with perfectionism, and making a mistake is awful to you. Remember, only God is perfect, so you are off the hook.

8. Write about your negative thinking habits

If you’re struggling with negative thinking, it’s essential that you deal with these thoughts before they continue. Writing your thoughts can help you feel better. It gives you a chance to express yourself and then move on. Writing your thoughts is a form of self-talk that enables you to get back into a positive mindset.

9. Choose to be happy

Every day, you can choose how you will face your day. You can decide if you want to be happy or sad. What you focus on is critical. You can focus on the good or the bad. You have the power to choose to be positive and happy about your life, even if it’s not perfect. Other ways to make yourself feel happier include:

Get out in fresh air
Be with people
Limited decisions
Stay busy

10. Learn how to handle the hard stuff

Life isn’t always easy. There are unpleasant things that happen at work, school, and even at home. People can be critical or judgmental of you. This can lead to feelings of anxiety or negative thinking. If you find this happening to you a lot, it’s essential to figure out how to respond to these things. Some things you can do when faced with criticism include the following:

Don’t react right away. Say something like, “I need some time to think about this. Get more information if required. Then digest what was shared.
See if there is any truth. Surprise, you’re not perfect. In every criticism, there could be a tiny grain of truth. Dig for that nugget. If the person is sincere in their desire to help you, you can go back and thank them for the insight. If the person is out to hurt you, skip going back.
Remind yourself about your identity. Remind yourself that this is one person’s perspective. Your identity isn’t tied to their view of you.
Don’t be a martyr. Instead, ask a friend for their thoughts on what was shared.
Don’t let negative thinking happen. Resist the urge to spiral down into negativity.

Final Thoughts On How To Replace Negative Thinking With Positivity

Everyone struggles with negative thoughts. It’s not that you have them, but what you do with these negative thoughts that is important. Understanding yourself enough to know you’re spiraling down into negativity is the first step. Taking action to turn those negative thoughts around, finding the humor in them, writing about them, or finding someone you can help are all positive steps to replace your negative thoughts with positivity.

10 Things Parents Do Differently To Raise Grateful Kids

September 13, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Many parents face the challenge of raising grateful kids. Consider this typical conversation.

– Dad, can I have a Smartphone?
– No.
– But dad, I need one to play Pokémon Go with Ted.
– No buts, Hugh. I already bought you a brand new laptop yesterday for “studying”. The answer is no.
– OMG, that’s so unfair. That laptop doesn’t count…
– It does when I paid a small fortune for it and you only use it talking smack with your friends.
– Ugh, I hate you, you useless piece of… *hissy fit continues*

If this rings any bells, they should be alarm bells. Ready to learn? Let’s get cracking.

Here are ten things parents who raise grateful children do differently:

1. Saying no consistently

Delayed gratification is the key here. If you just give children material things on a plate, they will not know the true value of anything. They need to learn that things that are earned are much more valued.

2. The importance of gratitude

This goes beyond saying “please” and “thank you” to counteract against taking tangibles and people for granted. Children are required to show appreciation for all the good in their lives. If not, make the child return material things to you, telling them that they are not ready to receive them yet, and you will keep a hold of them until gratitude is shown.

3. Set the bar high yourself

It is scientifically proven that kids follow examples far more than words. “If mum does it, so should I.” Would you donate food or items of clothing? Once you lead with your actions and stick at it, your children will follow suit. Consistency with the “stick at it” is paramount.

4. Keep an eye on 3rd party behavior

This includes close friends and family. If you chill with lazy Max too much, your children make a mental note of it and copy his laissez-faire mentality. Make sure the people who spend time with you and the family have the same or similar values to yours. If not, remember that “old habits die hard”.

5. Written thank you cards

Yes, really! Your open-mindedness is fully appreciated. Due to various distractions out there, attention spans are shorter than ever. This is a creative way to show children gratefulness, and it keeps them focused on showing it to the person who did them a good turn, instead of the violent shoot-em-ups on the PSP. Watch out for glitter in the carpet!

6. Let them pick themselves up every once in a while

When taught to “stand on your own two feet” early enough, you will find that children are resilient and find strength from within. A good example of this when your offspring has no choice but to be strong is when (s)he is suffering from a serious or life-threatening disease and needs urgent medical treatment. This mindset teaches independence and lets them know you trust them. However, having a support system is also important, so do not let them swim from New York to London just yet.

7. Keep multiples in the classroom and homework

OK, your punishment for buying Belinda the entire Bratz set is writing a thousand times: “I must not go out and buy Belinda multiples of things.” Do you think this is a joke? It is but with a serious message. Purchasing multiple amounts of things makes the child think it is easy to obtain them, therefore be much less likely to appreciate them. Stick to one. School is out on this one.

8. Have a chat with the grandparents

Grandparents tend to give their grandchildren the life of Riley, especially if they give their children the life of Brian. Is that an exaggeration? Yes and no. Yes, because it is not their intention. No, because there is no responsibility on their part. You must be clear with your wishes; the old folks will understand. You want them to give your offspring: love, attention, and happy memories. Not wanted: a shower of gifts, sweets, and money.

9. What are your child’s perceptions of the value of money?

Does (s)he think that “money grows on trees?” If so, take him/her to the bank to open a savings account and say that pocket money will be put there for him/her to manage. Inform firmly but fairly that if all the money is spent, you will only deposit the next installment at the usual time with the usual amount. Not a moment before. Not a penny more. No emergency trips to the toy store. Get ready for hissy fits galore.

10. Tell them your story

Everyone loves a good story, not just kids. Kids, however, are curious creatures by nature as they are getting to know the world around them. How did you get to where you are now in all aspects of life? Where did you and their other parent meet? How has your relationship stood the test of time if you are still together? If you are rich, how did you get all that money? Make your children identify with achievements, struggles, happiness, sadness, memories, and lessons. These opportunities provide a perfect chance to be grateful.

Happy parenting!

6 Signs You Deserve More Respect In Your Relationship (and How to Get It)

September 13, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Respect is about your partner and you working together to ensure that your needs are being met. In fact, a lack of that is one of the six signs that you deserve more respect in your relationship. Part of that cooperation with your partner requires excellent communication between you and your partner to voice your needs.

6 Signs You Deserve More Respect In Your Relationship (and How to Get It)

Traditional wisdom is that women want love out of a relationship, and men want respect, but it turns out that both men and women want respect. Respect is so important to our happiness that researchers at the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley, found that respect was more highly prized than money in determining happiness. Having more money didn’t make a person happy if they didn’t also have respect for their social circles.

Respect for your partner will certainly make you happier than if you don’t get the respect you deserve. You may put up with being disrespected for a while. But when you realize that you deserve to be treated equally with your mate, and if you have not been treated equally, you should work to get it with your current partner. Or, move on and find respect somewhere else. Here are six signs that you deserve more respect in your relationship.

1. Your partner doesn’t listen

Communication is a two-way street. So that means talking to express your needs and desires and listening for the unmet needs of your partner. Both of you say what you need of the other person and specific ways your partner can help you fulfill those needs. If you either can’t express your needs clearly, or your partner doesn’t give you what you need, it’s a sign that you deserve someone attentive and who will give you the respect that you deserve.

2. Your partner keeps things from you

Researchers at Texas Tech University looked at measuring levels of respect in close relationships. They found that high levels of respect correlated with the depth of expressed love, similar sexual attitudes, relationship satisfaction, commitment, and self-disclosure. Self-disclosure means the things that you tell your partner about yourself. If your partner withholds information about themselves, it erodes your trust as a couple, and withholding information is disrespectful to the bond you share.

3. Your partner is only focused on their own needs

You deserve more respect in your relationship if your partner never asks you what you need. Or if you have expressed it, they ignore what you have asked them to do to meet your needs. When one partner if focused only on their own needs, the partnership is one-sided. Therefore, the selfish partner has more power in the relationship than the other one. The partner with less power can be manipulated by the other one, and this power imbalance signifies that you deserve more respect in your relationship.

4. Your partner blames you

Things go wrong, and accidents happen. From missing an entry in the checkbook to forgetting to take out the trash, you will be responsible for at least one screw-up. In a relationship where you deserve more respect, your partner holds the slip-ups against you rather than forgiving and forgetting.

‘This wouldn’t have happened if you had/hadn’t ____,’ ‘This is all your fault,’ or ‘You’re the reason this is happening.’ If any of these phrases sound familiar, it’s a sign you deserve more respect in your relationship. Point out that although you may have flaws, your partner is also partly responsible for the problems in the relationship.

5. What your partner says hurts your feelings

A betrayal that hurts your feelings signifies that you deserve more respect in your relationship. Betrayals can be anything that crosses your personal boundaries or that intentionally hurts you. Researchers studying the relationship between betrayal trauma and romantic relationship functioning found that ‘Betrayal traumas were also negatively related to partner respect and not significantly associated with dedication and relationship adjustment. Anxious attachment and psychological well-being were significant mediators for the relationship between betrayal traumas and perceived respect.’

6. Your partner shames you

Using belittling language toward you is a sure sign that you deserve more respect in your relationship. If your partner makes you feel bad for your words or actions and you’ve done nothing to harm them intentionally. Please take this as a warning sign. Being shamed, blamed, or belittled is right on the border with emotionally abusive behavior. If you feel afraid of your partner, you should trust your gut, seek a safe place immediately. Then call the national domestic violence abuse hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for resources and information on leaving an abusive relationship.

9 Ways Emotionally Unavailable People Hide Their Feelings From You

September 13, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Deciding to enter in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person – whether intentional or not – is a decision that many come to regret. But falling for an unavailable person is remarkably easy, as traditional signs that may indicate an underlying problem don’t often surface. Indeed, even the keenest judge of character could potentially make a life-altering relationship choice that will adversely affect them, sometimes irreparably.

Individuals in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person are often confused. This is especially true when the overall chemistry of the relationship is strongly felt. Eventually, the very-human act of falling in love with a person comes to fruition. At this level – one of commitment, adoration, and love – the real pain begins…and hopefully, after a period of time, the pain ends.

When we place emotional stake into someone else, it’s serious business. We are sharing our souls, our hearts, our life with a person from whom we naturally seek reciprocation of those same sacrifices; when that reciprocation never comes, people get hurt.

It is important, then, that we all understand the signs of emotionally unavailable people. While this article focuses mainly on intimacy, the same underlying premise also applies to friendships.

A soul mate must be willing and available to have a relationship with you. If he or she is unavailable, this is not your soul mate at the present time. – Dr. Judith Orloff, psychiatrist and author

Here are 9 befuddling behaviors of emotionally unavailable people:

1. Emotionally unavailable people play with emotions

“So close, yet so far away” describes an emotionally unavailable person using just six words. You could skip the hypothetical course on emotional unavailability, and pass the exam with this phrase alone.

All smart-alecky comments aside, unavailable people often provoke all of the delightful feelings that surface during a relationship. Of course, such feelings are short-lived, as you’ll be yanking at your hair in frustration and confusion shortly afterward.

2. They’re not respectful of your time

Even if an unavailable person is time-conscious in nearly every regard, they always seem to be late when picking you up…or seeing you somewhere…or pretty much anything that requires them to allocate time to you.

This type of irresponsible behavior is egregiously disrespectful. Odds are that you also have work and other responsibilities; places to go, people to see. Yet, they view your time as negligible.

3. Emotionally unavailable people personify ambiguity

Good luck trying to get a definitive answer to that relationship question.

Are we exclusive? “Uh, I’ve gotta work early tomorrow.”

Time to meet the folks? “I want to, but now isn’t right.” Ok…when is “right?” What does “right” mean? The word “right” in the context of a relationship can be translated into a hundred different meanings.

Right. That’s the point.

4. They always seem to apologize

Sorry they didn’t get your message. And sorry they were late (again). Sorry about yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.

It goes without saying, but if someone you love/care for always seems to begin conversation with “sorry,” there is a serious problem. The fact that they’re really not sorry for anything is the real problem.

5. They’ll make last-ditch “efforts”

It’s been a month since you decided to take a break. After all, things weren’t looking so good for a while. You’ve settled back into your routine…maybe even considered texting that one guy/gal for a coffee date.

Then a text, or call, or unexpected visit. Weird timing.

6. Emotionally unavailable people are poor communicators

On one side of the communication spectrum, folks freak out if a reply isn’t received within 5 seconds. On the other, we’ve got the unavailable type. Their communication habits tend to resemble how one would interact with their second cousin; not their love interest.

When you do receive a timely response – or any type of communication, really – you would need to be a cryptologist to construct the almost non-existent detail. Awesome.

7. They always “forgot”

Quite similar to “sorry,” an emotionally unavailable person will say the word “forgot” more in a week than most will their entire life. A thorough and rational explanation of this really isn’t necessary.

“I forgot” is a poor excuse – a copout. Just as “I’m sorry” or “I’ll do it later” or (insert commonly-used excuse phrase) is.

8. They always leave you flummoxed

Ask any person that has been involved, in any way, with an emotionally unavailable person to describe their experience. In all likelihood, one or more of the following words or variety of these words will follow: confused, unsure, anxious, insecure, perplexed, unknowing, hesitant…etc.

The word “flummoxed” is a good one. Or baffled.

Baffled someone would blatantly treat them with such disrespect. Flummoxed that someone could be so inconsiderate; to never contemplate the magnitude to which they’ve inflicted undeserved pain.

9. They’re always “confused”

As terrible as that last one sounded, rest assured you’re not the only confused one. They are confused too, or at least they say so.

It doesn’t matter if they have a Ph.D. in Astrophysics, some emotionally unavailable people will still proclaim ignorance to anything having to do with relationships; specifically, how one is to act in a relationship.

Simply put, either that person is (1) ethically handicapped, (2) emotionally unavailable, or (3) all of the above. Regardless, it behooves us to realize them for what they are and move on.

High-Risk Relationships: How to Tell If You’re In One

September 13, 2016 by Power of Positivity

A high-risk relationship is one where the potential of a breakup is more likely. Sometimes we get a gut feeling that a relationship is on rocky ground. Trusting your gut about a likely breakup is probably wise if your relationship shows any of these 5 signs.

5 Signs You’re In A High-Risk Relationship

1. There is a lack of intimacy

Regardless of whether or not you are having sex, a lack of intimacy implies so much more. A lack of intimacy can be a lack of open, trusting communication about feelings. And if one partner is hiding something, even a feeling, from the other partner, there is a type of breach of trust between the two. Concealing feelings from each other is like a breakdown in the trust that you have, which makes it less likely that your partner will want to open up to you sexually either.

2. Your partner doesn’t show an interest in you

‘How was your day?’ is either never asked, or asked and then your response is barely heard. Does your partner even care what you do all day? If your partner doesn’t even seem to care enough to want to know about your day, how could they possibly hope to know what secret dreams lie buried in your heart? This is a high-risk relationship whenever one partner is focusing only on themselves and their own needs, not on their partner’s.

The need to communicate about feelings is stereotypically more a woman’s realm, however, communication in general is important to meet the social connection needs of each partner. Bonding with your partner happens over shared moments. While this doesn’t have to always involve talking to each other, it usually does. Shared jokes, sharing the positive parts of your day, sharing information about other people in your social circles creates a lifetime of shared experiences that reduces the risk of breakup in a relationship.

3. You’ve already had one breakup

Couples counselors say that it is unlikely that a couple that has split and reunited will stay together for the long-term. The reason for this is that there is a breach to heal that can become a point of resentment for the partners. The partner who was dumped is resentful of the one who did the dumping and fearful that they may get their heart broken again. These emotional wounds are difficult to heal.

Also, with a previous breakup, the partner who did the breaking up clearly had a gut feeling that something was wrong and chose to leave. If that gut feeling is telling you or your partner that something is wrong, getting back together without fixing the underlying problem first is unlikely to make for a happy ending.

4. You had a negative childhood experience with love

Unfortunately, not getting enough love as a child might have left you an insecure adult. This childhood insecurity is a factor for a high-risk relationship because you are still seeking the love that you never got from a caregiver from your current romantic partner. Your partner can’t live up to your expectations, so the relationship is doomed to failure.

Researchers in the journal Attachment & Human Relationships studied young adults and their romantic relationships. They say ‘Young adults who experienced a secure relationship with their primary caregiver were more likely to (a) produce coherent discourse regarding their current romantic partnership in the context of the Current Relationship Interview (CRI) and (b) have a higher quality romantic relationship as observed in standard conflict and collaboration tasks. Infant security accounted for variation in CRI security above and beyond the observed quality of participants’ current romantic relationship.’

5. Low level of commitment

Partners who don’t feel invested in the relationship are more likely to break things off. Having children together, for example, will often keep a high-risk relationship together due to the time, emotional, genetic, and financial investments that each partner has contributed to raising their kids. The same might be true for a couple who has a home, built a business together, or who have spent many years growing their marriage or partnership. Without these high levels of commitment, the couple is likely in a high-risk relationship.

In a study of romantic relationship breakups, researchers could predict which couples would break up based on how much ‘commitment, love, and inclusion of other in the concept of the self’ were present in the relationship. Other signs that contributed to a high-risk relationship were low relationship satisfaction, perceptions of available alternative romantic partners, and level of investment in the relationship were also predictors of breakup, but to a lesser extent. The research also found that social network support was also a strong predictor of relationship strength.

Studies Reveal How Your Body Image Affects Your Weight

September 11, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Having a negative body image is bad for your mental state, and it’s possible that it can actually make you gain weight. Our minds have more power than we often allow ourselves to recognize, and these negative thoughts can sometimes materialize into what we don’t want, rather than the healthy bodies that we do want.

Why Your Body Image Can Affect Your Weight

Let’s look at some of the scientific research behind a negative body image and the connection to weight changes. Also, we will discuss ways to change a negative body image into a healthy one to reverse the process of weight gain.

Body image research and weight gain

Researchers at the Department of Health Education at Indiana University-Purdue University studied obesity in teenage girls and their body images to try to understand the causes of weight gain. They found that overweight female adolescents seem to suffer from low self-esteem and their low self-esteem may be explained by having a poor body image.

So low-self esteem may cause people to have a poor body image or vice versa. Having low self-esteem is a combination of negative thoughts that you believe about yourself. For example, if you believe the negative thought ‘I am so fat’ about yourself, then you see yourself as a fat person and may eat fattening foods because this is what you have learned to believe about yourself.

The Department of Epidemiology & Public Health, and the Cancer Research UK Health Behavior Unit at University College London studied international perceptions of body image and weight issues. In their research, they say ‘Historically, perceived overweight and the drive for weight control have often been characterized as irrational and hazardous, especially for young women, who are viewed as pursuing absurdly thin ideal weights and risking their physical and mental health.’ The researchers are particularly concerned with the perceptions of teens and young adults who they say are at higher risk times for body image problems and eating disorders.

The researchers wondered if body image was similar for other countries and found that body image concerns were an international problem. They also found that ‘women were more likely to perceive themselves as overweight than men, and much more likely to report trying to lose weight.’

Almost 45% of women see themselves as overweight in most of the participating countries and over 50% said that they were trying to lose weight. The scientists say that for women, body image is more of a driving factor for making a decision to try to loose weight than it is for men because for women, ‘trying to lose weight is not motivated solely by feeling overweight.’

In the study, men were less likely to report feeling overweight (25%), and even fewer were trying to lose weight (21%). The researchers say ‘This gender difference is strikingly consistent across all of the countries in the sample, indicating common cultural pressures either for over-concern among women or under-concern among men.’

How to change your body image to prevent gaining weight

As we already mentioned, part of your self-perception is your body image. If you see your body image as fat or overweight, it can distort your feelings about yourself and that might cause you to believe that you are the kind of person who eats fattening food.

It is possible that cognitive behavioral therapy can help those with a poor body image to rethink their negative thoughts about their bodies and change their self-esteem and eating behavior as a result. The Purdue University researchers also say ‘Efforts should be directed toward encouraging and supporting healthy eating patterns and physical activity while encouraging students to recognize personal strengths not related to physique.’

In cognitive behavioral therapy, you first identify the negative thoughts that you believe about your body image that actually may be making you gain weight. For an exercise in cognitive therapy, think about how you feel about your body when you see yourself in a full-length mirror. What are some things that you believe about your body? What do you tell yourself that you dislike about what you see in the mirror?

Now that you have identified these negative thoughts, question their truth or falseness. For example, if you said, ‘My belly is so fat,’ ask yourself why you believe this. Are there people who have larger stomachs than you do? Is your belly working to digest your food and nourish your body? Where did you learn that your belly was unloveable?

Finally, change your negative self-talk about your body to positive self-talk. For example you might say ‘I love my body unconditionally,’ ‘This belly is perfect just as it is,’ and ‘I only feed my body healthy, quality food so I can be a healthy weight.’

5 Thoughts That Hold People Back From Success (And How to Overcome Them)

September 11, 2016 by Power of Positivity

You have incredible potential for success today and every day. But something might be holding you back from doing just that. In this article, we will look at five possible thought-based habits that are holding you back from finding success and how to overcome each of them so you can reach your destiny.

5 Thought Patterns That Hold People Back From Success (And How to Overcome Them)

We all have a dream, and sometimes it seems so out of reach that we give up trying. But, you can reach your dream and we will help you do that by removing the things holding you back. According to Dr. Wayne Sotile, founder of the Center for Physician Resilience in Davidson, North Carolina, and author of Letting Go of What’s Holding You Back, being able to assess yourself honestly is crucial to let go of what is holding you back.

You will need to take a serious, objective look at your life and be willing to admit that you are playing a role in keeping yourself from being successful. Once you can admit that you are partly at fault for not accomplishing all that you are capable of, you’ll be on your way to killing it and checking things off your wish/bucket/dream list.

1. Fear of failure

Think about a time when you fell flat on your face in failure. Think about the emotions you felt; shame, frustration, disappointment, etc. These emotions are now blocking you from trying again. The negative emotional response to failure is one that we remember, and we do not want to experience that again. This experience creates an aversion to trying in the future because we fear these same negative emotions.

2. Fear of success

Although this seems counterintuitive, some people fear success as much as failure. The reason could be that being successful changes your image of yourself, and change can be scary. For example, if someone is working on writing a book and they become a published and acclaimed author, they may now feel pressure to continue producing great writing. The pressure that they imagine will come as a result of their success is one thing that will hold them back from being successful.

3. Being distracted from your priorities

Dr. Sotile says that we spend too much time on things that are not getting us where we want to go, and overcoming this is a matter of focusing on the bigger picture and dedicating more time to that goal. Dr. Sotile suggests that at least 20% of your day should be focused on the most meaningful aspect of your work. This helps you build positive feelings about your efforts, reinforcing you to want to do even more of that type of work.

4. Fear of uncertainty

There are a lot of ‘what ifs’ involved in being amazing. What if people don’t like me for being amazing? What if other people don’t recognize my talent? Will I offend people with my ideas? We’ve already covered the ‘What if I fail?’ and ‘What if I succeed?’ questions so this category of what is holding you back covers everything else you’re worried about.

It’s going to be hard to be successful if you are worried about what other people will think of you. People will always have an opinion, but you can’t allow that to stand in your way when you have a dream to accomplish before your time on Earth ends. You don’t want to be on your deathbed saying, ‘At least I didn’t offend anyone.’

Instead, focus on your faith in what you feel compelled to accomplish. There is a reason you have the desire to do it. Block out the rest and go find success.

5. Inactivity

Let’s face it. It’s hard to be successful while sitting on your butt on the couch in front of the TV. Very few accomplishments have been done from this position, like when someone gets lost in North Carolina casino apps during downtime that could be spent building skills or connections. So it’s important to keep from holding yourself back by getting up and moving, shifting from passive habits to active ones that open doors. Taking a single step in the direction of your dreams creates a forward momentum that propels you toward finding success.

One example of a thing that is holding you back, is your lack of action to prevent disease and get healthy. Researchers in the North Carolina Medical Journal looked at workplace health promotion programs. They say, ‘Preventable illnesses make up approximately 70% of the total burden of disease and their associated costs. Half of all deaths in the United States are caused by modifiable behavioral risk factors and behavior patterns.

You can find success by only starting ONE of these things at a time. It’s a process, but please believe that we have just as much faith that YOU CAN…

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