An ideal relationship is one of equity, where both partners give and take happily in a positive, healthy dynamic. But maybe you’re having some doubts about your own relationship. Is it really one of reciprocity? Does your partner care for you as much as you care for them?
Unfortunately, differences in commitment levels are far from unusual in relationships. But you and your partner both deserve to be with someone who they share a balanced dynamic with, so you need to make sure you’re not being taken for granted or led on.
10 Hidden Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Care About Your Relationship
1 – Your Interactions Are Sparse
How often do you and your partner interact? If they are interested in you beyond a superficial level, they would want to spend as much time as they can with you. This doesn’t mean they won’t be busy or have their own hobbies and commitments. But it does mean that they’d make an effort to see you or at least talk to you very regularly.
- How often do you go on dates? Is it often many weeks before you see each other in person?
- Do you text each other regularly? Or are there long gaps between messages, and many days that you go without speaking?
- Do you call each other, especially when you can’t see each other for a while?
- How quickly do they respond to your messages or attempts at interaction?
- Do they often make last-minute plans, or cancel long-made ones?
If your partner doesn’t seem to want to spend that much time interacting with you, they probably only think of you as a side-fling.
2 – They Avoid Presenting You As A Partner
When you’re with someone you care for, it’s hard not to want to show them off. You proudly announce that this is your girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner. You tag them in cute pictures on social media. You tell others stories about them.
But what if your partner just thinks of you as a fling? They likely won’t want to make others think you’re their partner because they don’t see this as a long-term thing.
A partner who is in it for the long run will:
- Be very excited about showing you off to others
- Proudly bring you around with them
- Introduce you as their partner in a positive way
- Tell others about you, even just in passing
- Have no problems posting social media photos or statuses that involve you
On the other hand, a partner who doesn’t care about sticking with you will:
- Introduce you as a friend or refuse to use committed terms for you
- Seem embarrassed by you, as though they don’t want to be seen with you
- Never talk about you, ever
- Refuse to be open about your relationship on social media
3 – You’ve Never Met Their Friends Or Family
Someone’s friends and family are the people they spend time with. These are the lovely people your partner cares most about. If you were an important part of your partner’s life, they would have decided to introduce you to the other people they love so that their worlds can collide in harmony.
But if your partner doesn’t want you to meet anyone he knows, there’s a good chance that’s because they don’t think it’s necessary. You won’t be around for long enough for the stress and anxiety of these meetings to be worth it, and maybe your partner doesn’t see there being much of a point, to begin with.
4 – You Initiate Everything
No matter what, it seems like you’re always initiating every interaction you have with your partner. They never take the first step, and it’s enough to make anyone wonder if the relationship is a real, committed one. Sadly, the answer is probably “no”. This goes for:
- Gestures of affection
Your positive thinking may spur you to continue this pattern of repeated and unreciprocated initiation, but be careful. There’s a good chance that they just don’t consider you worth that effort.
5 – Your Interactions Revolve Around Physical Intimacy
Okay, so what if your partner does initiate some things? Does that automatically mean they care about the relationship? Unfortunately, this is not the case, so don’t get ahead of yourself! It’s all about the kinds of interactions they initiate.
Does your partner only seem to ring you up for intimate activities, as though you’re a number to casually dial for booty call services? Perhaps you’ve noticed that, no matter what you’re doing, things always slowly devolve into private, steamy exchanges.
This is even more of a red flag if you try to get your partner to do other activities with you outside of the bedroom, but they repeatedly turn you down. It definitely sounds like they’re only interested in intimate activities, and not in being with you in the long run. Sure, intimacy is important in all sexual relationships, but it shouldn’t be all that you do.
6 – They Don’t Do Anything For You
Relationships are about give and take, and a healthy one involves plenty of that. More importantly, a positive and committed relationship has both partners making “sacrificial” types of gestures for the betterment of their significant other’s life or happiness.
They don’t have to be big gestures, and you certainly shouldn’t expect a partner to give up everything in their life for you. But there are some common signs of commitment through small sacrifices, including:
- Doing things for you that they don’t necessarily enjoy
- Changing up their schedule every now and then to be with you
- Helping you whittle down small things on your to-do list
- Being there for you when you’re feeling down
- Offering to help you out with small tasks
- Buying you simple but meaningful gifts
- Actively trying to make you happy
If your partner refuses to do absolutely anything at all for you, there’s a good chance that they don’t care about you or your relationship.
7 – You Only Seem To Meet At The Same Place And/Or Time
Couples typically like the process of switching things up every once in a while, and doing the exact same thing can get fairly monotonous and boring. But for some reason, everything about your relationship is monotonous. You meet at the same places every time you do meet, or at the exact same time, or only at night, or even all three.
Why is this a bad sign? Well, it could indicate that your partner doesn’t want to bring you into their life – they just want you to be a regular stop in their daily routine. It sounds nice until you realize that this means you’re not a partner in this situation: you’re a convenient number on a list. This can also indicate that:
- Your partner is hiding something
- Your partner doesn’t want to alter their schedule to see you
- Or, your partner is meeting with you out of convenience
Of course, jumping to these conclusions quickly is a bad idea, but you should be ready for the unexpected when you bring this up to your partner.
8 – They Don’t Know Much About You (And They Don’t Ask)
Does your partner sometimes feel like a stranger? Do they buy your least favorite chocolate to give you as a gift, even after you’ve told them you dislike it countless times? Do they have no idea what you do for a living? Have they mixed up your hobbies multiple times?
A partner who doesn’t know much about you is probably not interested in finding out more about you and committing it to memory. It’s even worse if they never ask – it truly shows that they have little to no actual interest in you.
This also goes the other way around. A partner who is committed often shares more about themselves with their significant other, according to studies that examine the positive and negative links between self-disclosure and commitment readiness.
9 – They’re Talking To Other People
The most obvious sign that a partner isn’t 100% committed to you is if they’re still shopping around. It seems clear, but many people keep their positive thinking and allow themselves to be one of many because their silver-tongued partner insists they are the real one. But how many other people are they saying that to?
Here’s the truth: studies have shown that attentiveness to alternative romantic options is pervasive in those who are unhappy or lack positive feelings in their relationships. Your partner may:
- Actively check out other people constantly (not just every once in a while)
- Refuse to delete dating apps from their phone (or lie to you that they have)
- Openly flirt with other people (sometimes even when you’re right there!)
- Text, call or chat with people while refusing to tell you who they are
10 – They Don’t Talk About The Future
Someone who cares about your relationship and is committed to you will happily discuss the future with you. This doesn’t have to be about marriage or having kids, either (and in most newer relationships, it won’t be!). Instead, you may notice things like:
- Your partner talks about his future while including you in it
- Your partner seems to naturally include you in all their future plans
- Or, your partner expresses a desire to be with you for a long time
- Your partner makes plans months in advance with you for vacations, dates, or other events
- Your partner is happy to have an open, honest conversation about the direction of your relationship
On the flip side, a partner who completely refuses to talk about the future at all, they probably are not committed to you and don’t care about the relationship nearly as much as you do.
Final Thoughts on Identifying a Weak Relationship
If your partner displays any or many of these ten signs, does it mean that you’re doomed? Well, the outlook isn’t great, but it’s a good idea to maintain some positive thinking first. Sit down with your partner and have a serious discussion about the state of your relationship and where it may be going.
Remember your value in a relationship and don’t allow yourself to be treated less than you deserve. If things aren’t working out with your partner, it’s time to move on. Sure, it’s easier said than done, but a positive, healthy relationship is waiting for you out there – and you can’t find it if you stay in an unhealthy one.