Are we ever justified in texting our ex-partners? Normally, if something’s over, it should be over for good. However, experts claim that in today’s digital age we never really break up with our partners. Despite positive thinking and a positive outlook of life, it’s harder and harder to avoid people you don’t want to speak to ever again, especially if their faces are all over your Instagram and Facebook feeds. That can only lead you into the temptation to reach for your phone and text your ex with messages you’ll only regret.
In some situations, texting your ex isn’t that much of a horrid mistake. But you need to make sure that you’re not in an emotional standstill and you’re giving yourself some space to move on. It’s very rare that relationships end in friendship, despite what you might tell yourself. That’s certainly a very polarizing opinion yet, in fact, a study in 2000 found that it’s nearly impossible to stay “just friends.” So, the best thing is to break away if you can. No matter how tempted you are, here are some texts you should never even consider sending your ex, even if you’ve decided you’ll stay friends after the break-up.
Here Are 10 Messages You Should Never Send Your Ex
“Sometimes we need to forget some people from our past because of one simple reason. They just don’t belong in our future.” – Anonymous
1. “I am really, really sorry.”
We feel very fragile after break-ups and we tend to try and apologize for things that aren’t necessarily our fault. If you do have something you need to apologize for, that’s fine – but if not, you’ll just be making yourself vulnerable to someone who might be turning themselves into the victim. That’s only guaranteed to bring you more heartbreak. Additionally, if you have made mistakes and you’ve already apologized for them, don’t do it again via messages. It’s just a way of convincing yourself you need to contact them, when in fact you don’t.
2. “Why aren’t you replying to me?”
Not only is this very clingy and needy, but it can also be a bit smothering. You’re not dating anymore, and your relationship ended for a reason. As much as you wouldn’t like to hear it, they have no obligation to reply to you anymore. Consider that every time you think about sending a message to them saying something like the above question.
3. “I have a new job!”
Or really, any unsolicited information about how you’re getting on in life. That way, you’re robbing your ex of the opportunity to move on and heal from your failed relationship. Besides, it means that you might still be seeking validation from them, which isn’t something you should need any more after you’ve broken up. If they ask you how your life’s going, give them as little information as you can without being rude.
4. “Happy birthday!”
Experts agree that wishing your ex happy birthday is often an opener for other, more serious conversations. There is no way to be altruistic in birthday wishes for ex partners. You’ll always overthink their response – or lack thereof – so the best thing to do is save yourself the pain and not even wish them a happy birthday on Facebook if you can help it.
5. Song lyrics
Every couple has “their song,” or several of these. After the break-up, those songs can be very hard to listen to. That’s understandable. But don’t try to pour salt into old wounds by texting your ex the lyrics to your song, even if you just heard it on the radio. Instead, try and make new memories to connect to that song so that you don’t have to think about them every time you hear it.
6. “I met someone.”
There’s nothing worse than a very clear attempt to try and make your ex feel jealous. You wouldn’t text any of your other friends to let them know you’re in a new relationship so quickly – so when you text your ex, your intentions will be very transparent. Let it go and enjoy your new adventure instead.
7. Anything beginning with “remember when …”
When you’re grieving the loss of something like a relationship, you always want to think back to the happy times. However, that way you’ll never be able to move on. Focus on creating new happy memories you can enjoy that don’t have the presence of your ex in them.
8. “Are you engaged?”
This happens most often if you’re going through their Facebook profile and see engagement-looking high-quality photos. It’s upsetting, but it is how life is – it goes on after a break-up. It’s a good sign to look up from their profile and try to continue your own life. Besides, if you text them that, they will know that you’re still preoccupied with them. Try to focus on what you can look forward to and – if it’ll make you feel better – remove them from your Facebook feed.
9. Mean, resentful messages
You’re allowed to be mad at your ex for weeks and months after your break-up. But if you keep telling them how mad you are, you’re not giving yourself – or them – a chance to move on. Invest in a diary, or start a private blog, where you can channel all those emotions. No matter how hurt you feel, you shouldn’t feel the impulse to be mean to another human being. Keep your dignity and don’t be resentful by sending such messages.
10. “How are you?”
This is probably one of the worst messages ever. You and your ex both know that you’re expecting to hear something like “I’m missing you” or something else that you see in rom-coms. But you’ll most likely not get it. It’s an excuse to talk to them, masked under small talk – it’s time to let go and move on. No matter how tempted you are, don’t try to strike up a conversation. It’ll only end in tears.
It’s very hard to let go. But in many cases, refusing to move on will keep you from realizing your full potential. Resist the temptation to send messages to your ex. Find new experiences to devote your time to. Time heals all wounds and as unlikely as it may seem, it will heal yours too. You are certain to find a way to move on if you are actively looking for it.