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15 Ways to Slow Down Wrinkles And Look Younger

November 9, 2022 by Power of Positivity

Mature skin. The term conjures up images of wrinkled, tired-looking skin–but it need not be that way!

Aging usually brings a gradual decline of your skin’s fitness. Besides wrinkles, your skin sometimes loses fat, becomes thinner, and no longer looks smooth and plump like it once did. Fortunately, you can take several key measures to minimize the lines and wrinkles. Here are fifteen mature skin tips to help reduce wrinkles.

Can you turn back the aging clock?

Can you turn back the aging clock? Maybe. Aging skin cells become altered and don’t function as well. But a group of researchers from Babraham University, Cambridge, United Kingdom, has found a way to turn back the clock of human skin cells by thirty years. The researchers restored the function of older cells while rejuvenating the molecular structure of the biological age. Even though it’s still in the exploration stage, scientists are excited about the potential of these findings.

What changes occur in mature skin?

As you age, your skin changes. Here are some changes that occur in mature skin.

Dry skin: You may experience dry spots on your legs, elbows, and arms. The dry areas might look scaly and rough. Of course, your dry skin might indicate you need to change your soap or stop taking hot baths. However, dry skin can also signify a health problem like hypothyroidism, diabetes, or kidney disease. Check with your doctor if your skin is dehydrated and itchy to rule out health problems.
Wrinkles: Where did those wrinkles come from? Ultraviolet rays (UVA) from the sun and your environment make your skin less elastic. Gravity also causes your skin to wrinkle and sag.
Age spots: Age spots are brown spots caused by exposure to the sun. They show up on your arms, hands, face, and back. Using sunscreen can help protect you against both UVA rays.
Skin tags: These are flesh-colored growths of skin with a raised surface. They’re common in women as they age. You get them on your neck, eyelids, and body folds like your armpits, groin area, and chest.
Skin cancer: Mature skin is susceptible to skin cancer. The most common cause of skin cancer is sun exposure, tanning booths, or sunlamps. However, early detection makes skin cancer treatable.

Fifteen mature skin tips to improve wrinkles

Try these tips to decrease the signs of aging, especially on your face and neck.

1. Protect yourself from the sun

Sun damage is the leading cause of early wrinkles. Using sunscreen regularly can slow down the signs of lines and wrinkles. Be sure your sunscreen is at least 30 SPF. Even if it’s overcast outside, your skin still receives UVA rays. Wearing a hat plus sunglasses will protect you from the sun.

2. Stop smoking

Nicotine causes your blood vessels to constrict, reducing the blood flow and causing your skin to lack oxygen. Tobacco damages the elasticity of your skin. Even the heat from a cigarette will cause wrinkles. Plus, when you purse your lips, it causes wrinkles around your mouth. People who smoke generally look older than those who don’t smoke.

3. Coconut oil

Coconut oil comes from a coconut tree’s palm and kernel parts. Besides cooking applications, coconut oil is an effective skin moisturizer. It’s a great moisturizer with anti-inflammatory properties to help heal. Coconut oil also helps your skin produce collagen. Collagen keeps your skin firm and youthful-looking. In addition, keeping your face moisturized with coconut oil helps rid your face of wrinkles and lines.

4. Eat your carrots

Eat more beta-carotene-rich vegetables and fruits to reduce your wrinkles. Beta carotene gives fruits and vegetables their yellowish orange color. This pigment turns into vitamin A in your body, which improves your eye health and builds your immune system. In addition, it’s a powerful antioxidant that protects your body from free radicals that cause damage to tissue and organs. Beta carotene is good for your skin because it rejuvenates and provides antioxidants to improve it.

5. Moisturize mature skin daily

Use moisturizers, creams, or lotions daily to keep your skin moist. Moisturizers help your skin stay hydrated and nourished. However, mature skin gets dry, which causes wrinkles to appear. Choose a moisturizer with hyaluronic acid to prevent wrinkles from forming and getting deeper.

6. Chemical peels refine the texture of mature skin

Chemical peels are effective ways to remove imperfections from your skin. They remove the top layers of your skin, allowing your new healthy skin to grow. Chemical peels are good for reducing wrinkles, scars, and skin discoloration. You can get a chemical peel at your dermatologist or at home. Doing one at home often uses the same ingredients for a fraction of the cost. What are the best chemical peels you can use at home?

7. Retinoids

Retinoids help regenerate your skin. First, check the potency of the retinoid you’re using to be sure it’s strong enough. A percentage of 0.01% is strong enough to reduce your pores and improve the glow of your skin. You can use it every other day for it to be effective.

8. Drink lots of water

Consume water to reduce wrinkles and lines. Water flushes out toxins, aids digestion, and helps your body and skin stay hydrated from the inside. In addition, water improves your skin elasticity and repairs tissue damage. Generally, men should drink around 15.5 cups of fluids daily, and women should consume approximately 11.5 cups of fluids daily.

9. Eat a healthy diet

A healthy diet helps you maintain weight, energy, and disease prevention, but eating healthy also determines how your skin ages. Researchers say that eating lots of red meat and processed foods cause facial wrinkles, particularly in women. Eating foods that have antioxidants and anti-inflammatory benefits improves your skin’s elasticity and protects you from premature aging. Eating these quality foods can help you avoid facial wrinkles and lines.

Orange vegetables and fruits
Olive oil
Salmon
Avocado
Flax seeds
Pomegranates

10. Pose like a model

Have you noticed how models don’t smile? Instead, they pose with a rested face without frowning, squinting, or pursing their lips. These facial expressions cause wrinkles and lines. If you find yourself squinting or frowning, try to rest your face. Wear sunglasses to avoid squinting in the sun. If you squint because you can’t see, get a new prescription or try contacts.

11. Take collagen

Studies show that topical and oral collagen supplements help delay aging. Collagen supplements improve the elasticity and hydration of your skin. Collagen also smoothes and reduces wrinkles in your skin. Premenopausal women need collagen more than younger women because menopause causes your body to stop producing collagen.

There are many collagen peptide powders available. Add one or two teaspoons of collagen powder to your morning coffee or a glass of cold water daily. You’ll see improvements in your skin right immediately.

12. Topical vitamin C

Vitamin C is a powerful antioxidant. It helps create collagen in your skin. This nutrient occurs naturally in many fruits and vegetables. Applying topical vitamin C improves your skin’s appearance and removes fine lines and wrinkles caused by sun damage. Topical vitamin C comes in lotions, serums, and creams. If you’re looking for topical vitamin C serum, look for

A good color: the serum or cream should be champagne color. It shouldn’t be cloudy or dark.
No smell: Vitamin C serum shouldn’t smell sour. If it does, it’s not good.

13. Zinc and selenium

Zinc and selenium are two essential minerals to help keep your skin looking smooth and wrinkle-free. In addition, zinc promotes healing from sun damage. However, it’s best not to take zinc and selenium supplements because too much can harm your health. Instead, eat foods with zinc and selenium.

Foods high in zinc include:

Almonds
Bananas
Beans
Cheese
Oatmeal
Oysters
Peas

Eat foods with selenium, such as:

Eggs
Brazil nuts
Organ meats
Sunflower seeds
Seafood
Spinach
Oatmeal
Yogurt

14. Eat yogurt

Yogurt includes probiotics that are good for the gut and your skin. Yogurt may help decrease wrinkles and improve the health of your skin. It’s thought that applying probiotics to your skin may increase the strength of your skin and help fight damage from things like UVA rays from the sun. Be sure to eat yogurt that doesn’t contain sugar. Instead, purchase plain yogurt and add fresh fruit, nuts, or granola for added flavor.

15. Get your beautifying sleep

As you sleep, your body increases blood to your skin, helping you wake up with glowing, well-rested-looking skin. When you’re getting enough sleep, your complexion looks drab. Try to get up to seven to eight hours of sleep to feel and look your best. Some people swear that a silk pillowcase helps their skin have fewer wrinkles.

Final thoughts on keeping mature skin healthier and decreasing the appearance of wrinkles

Mature skin needs extra loving care to avoid lines and wrinkles. As you age, your collagen levels decrease, causing your skin to lose its elasticity. As a result, it may become rough, dry, and tired. These fifteen tips help keep your skin plump and smooth as you age.

Psychology Explains the 3 Stages of the Stress Response Cycle

November 9, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Everyone struggles with stress daily, but few know anything about the stress response cycle. Even if you are one of the lucky ones and live a relatively relaxed life, you’ll still experience it to some extent. This happens because stress is a natural hormonal response to uncomfortable or dangerous situations. But what most people don’t know is that the feeling doesn’t just appear out of thin air. You may feel depression or exhaustion, not realizing it stems from your body’s natural responses.

There is a whole stress response cycle that people go through when they are under pressure. And the only way to cope with stress healthily is by completing the cycle. The issue is that people aren’t taught things like these when they are young. Society doesn’t give enough importance to mental health and often regards stress as usual.

While it is natural and beneficial sometimes, it doesn’t mean it’s normal to be cripplingly stressed all the time. But that’s not what people learn. No one teaches others how to cope correctly, and some people even romanticize stress. For example, you have undoubtedly heard people saying that a job isn’t good enough unless it puts some pressure on you to perform. Or maybe your parents have told you that if you aren’t stressed about school or work, that means you don’t care.

Small, off-handed comments like these make it seem normal to be stressed constantly. Not only that, but they lead you to believe that if you aren’t, you should feel guilty. Because of this, people end up developing unhealthy coping mechanisms for stress. As a result, they don’t complete the stress response cycle, which means they never fully relax. This harms both your physical and mental health. Therefore, you must learn about the stress response cycle stages to cope with stress properly. If you’re also feeling down or stressed out, playing online slot games may help relieve your stress or anxiety.

What Is Stress?

Before going into details about the stress relief cycle, you must understand what stress is and how it can affect you. And the best way to begin is to talk about what causes stress in the first place. Stress is a typical reaction to challenging, demanding, or dangerous situations. In those cases, your body needs to react, and it does so by releasing hormones. These hormones must be present so your body can be alert enough.

It’s a way to adjust to new situations and handle them well. You might know this reaction as the fight-or-flight response. This response is just another name for the first stage of the stress response cycle. When you think about human evolution, having this built-in response makes sense. In the prehistoric ages, this was necessary so that humans could stay alive. Otherwise, they would have risked getting complacent and hurt by some wild animal.

But, because of the fight-or-flight response, their body was fit to run away from danger. Of course, society has evolved, and we don’t need to run from wild animals anymore. But that doesn’t mean stress doesn’t still serve a purpose. For example, it can still help you focus more during a test.

How Stress Affects You

How does stress prepare the body for these situations? When a stressor stimulates the nervous system, the body produces large quantities of cortisol and a few other hormones. This triggers a few changes at a physical level. Most notably, it increases blood pressure by increasing your heart rate. It also leads to heightened muscle preparedness, sweating, and general alertness. All these factors allow you to respond better to particular challenges.

So, what’s the catch? Why is stress so bad? Even though only the good parts were described so far, that’s not the whole story. In reality, stress is only suitable in small quantities. But, when someone feels overstressed, their mental and physical health diminishes. You might be sluggish or experience exhaustion. On the physical side, too much cortisol can lead to heart, digestive system, and even muscular issues.

For example, a 2018 review of a few studies found a link between work-related stress and an increased risk of coronary heart disease. Psychological problems are not something that can be overlooked either. Repeated stress can evolve into a mental health struggle. Acute stress is more common but can even develop into chronic stress. Depression, anxiety, and PTSD are just a few other issues caused by stress.

You can avoid all of these risks by understanding the stress response cycle. Whether you know about this cycle or not, it’s best to understand it. That way, you can learn what your body needs to cope healthily.

3 Stages of the Stress Response Cycle

Alarm, resistance, and exhaustion–let’s look at how each stage contributes to your worried mind.

1. The Alarm Stage

The stress response cycle begins with the alarm stage. Then, it’s triggered by a stressor, which is usually a tense or dangerous situation. Next, the amygdala (involved in processing emotions and memories associated with fear) sends signals to the hypothalamus (the link between the endocrine and the nervous system). Then, the hypothalamus activates the sympathetic nervous system, releasing adrenaline into your bloodstream.

This is your body’s most visceral reaction to a threatening stimulus. These signals trigger changes, such as an increased breathing rhythm and rapid heartbeat. As a result, you’ll experience a rapid spike in your energy levels and increased alertness. This is why and how stress can keep you up at night.

These physical changes will boost your energy no matter how tired you are. This stage is what people know as the fight-or-flight response. It’s the same response that all animals have. But the human stress response cycle is a little more complex than animals. We have a couple more stages than they do.

2. The Resistance Stage

The second stage of the stress response cycle is the resistance stage. This is when the body senses the danger or pressure has passed, so it presses the breaks. To be more exact, the parasympathetic system lessens the body’s stress response, but not completely. It still allows you to be alert so you can make sure that you are truly safe.

It’s also the stage where you can tell if you’ve regained balance. This stage will allow you to recover from the shock you’ve experienced. But that won’t be possible if your life is full of stressors. Because of that, your body will always be on high alert.

Still, this stage is not always timed perfectly. Sometimes, your body will stop releasing hormones before the danger has passed. In that case, the nervous system will need to re-release hormones. The bad part is that you’ll experience a rapid decrease in energy levels followed by another spike.

This is a shock, so you will likely become irritated or upset. You might even lose your concentration. Whether this cycle is timed wrong or doesn’t stop, the result is the same. It will lead to the final stage of the stress response cycle.

3. The Exhaustion Stage

As the name suggests, the final stage of the stress response cycle, exhaustion, happens when your body is overloaded with stress. The exhaustion stage doesn’t always have to happen, as your body can recover before reaching this point. But if you’re dealing with chronic or unmanaged stress, you won’t be able to avoid it. Ideally, people would be able to prevent this stage altogether.

But the only way to do that is to give your body time to recover and stop dumping hormones in your bloodstream. That’s why taking breaks is so important if you have a demanding job, for example. If those breaks don’t happen, your body will go overdrive and release cortisol and adrenaline. Slowly, your body’s resources will be exhausted. There are only so many hormones your body can produce before running out.

At some point, you’ll be without adrenaline and experience a massive decrease in energy. But that’s not the only issue. When your body is overworked, its normal functions are affected. Remember that stress makes your heart beat faster and affects your breathing, muscles, digestive system, and more. All those systems will suffer when they are overworked. In time, you can develop chronic conditions like heart disease, diabetes, mental health issues, etc.

This is why it’s essential to manage your stress. If you are dealing with chronic stress, you must contact a therapist and work through your issues. You also need to identify your stressors and try to eliminate them. For example, if your stress is mainly caused by work, you might want to consider changing it.

Final Thoughts on Understanding the Three Stages of the Stress Response Cycle

Whether we like it or not, we’ll have to deal with some stress throughout our lives. But that doesn’t mean being stressed always is normal or beneficial. Small quantities can help you be alert and up for a challenging task. But when it gets out of hand, it can threaten your mental and physical health. And the three stages of the stress response cycle–alarm, resistance, and exhaustion–show precisely that.

The dangers of chronic stress are apparent when you look at the last stage, so beware of how you manage it. The three stages of the stress response cycle are alarm, resistance, and exhaustion. You’ll always have to deal with the first two when stressed. The alarm stage is when the stressor triggers your body, and your nervous system reacts by releasing hormones. The resistance stage is when your body decreases hormone levels so it can allow you to cool off.

Still, it keeps you somewhat alert if the danger hasn’t passed. Lastly, you have the exhaustion stage, which you should try to avoid. That stage happens when you are in a constant state of stress. You must manage your stress to ensure you don’t end up there. At the very least, try to find relaxing activities throughout the day. If your stress is chronic and unmanageable, you should consult a specialist.

14 Ways to Let People Know Your Worth Without Being Rude

November 9, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Getting other people to value your time is essential if you know people who often waste it. You might feel like people always ask things of you that offer no benefit to your life. It can take away from your personal or professional life, interfering with your well-being. Setting boundaries is fundamental to success.

You can’t get time back; getting people to value your time can make your days more fulfilling. It can help you accomplish more things you want and need to do.

Getting others to value your time reflects how you view yourself and can help you make more money. While money isn’t the most important thing, it is necessary for living. However, time is more important, so making more money in a shorter timeframe can help you make more time for your personal life.

Each day is a chance to invest in yourself, but it’s only possible if you prioritize your time. Since you can’t get time back, the best thing you can do is ask others to value it.

How to Know Your Worth and Ask Others to Value Your Time

Your time is valuable, and you deserve to spend it in the best ways for your life. You don’t have to give in to what anyone else wants. These tips can help you set boundaries and ask others to value your time.

1 – Keep Your Overall Goal in Mind

Frequent distractions can lead to losing focus and forgetting the big picture. When you lose sight of your goals, giving in to what other people want rather than prioritizing your time becomes too easy. Focusing on your overall dream can help you find the courage to ask others to value your time.

2 – Enforce Time Limits and Scheduled Appointments

If a meeting is supposed to last for half an hour, enforce the time limit. Each extra minute takes away from your other essential tasks. One way to let people know you can’t stick around is to say things like, “during the last few minutes of our meeting, is there anything else you’d like to discuss?”

If you have a planned meeting or appointment, stick to the agreed-upon time frame. Don’t let someone showing up late keep you any longer. Your time is valuable whether the other person arrives on time or not.

3 – Make a Choice and Stick to It

People will often ask you to do things that aren’t a priority in your day. However, agreeing to what they ask means you must do it anyway.

One way to get people to value your time is to choose whether helping them will interfere with your productivity. Consider whether you should be helping them or if focusing on something else would be a better use of your time.

Making choices based on what’s best for you allows you to control your life. It also emphasizes that you expect others to respect what you have on your plate. Once you make your choice, stick to it so that you don’t get behind on your tasks or miss out on something meaningful.

4 – Say “No” More Often

Saying “yes” to everything might make other people happy, but it also teaches them that they don’t have to value your time. Accomplishing your goals requires prioritizing your life rather than giving in to others every time. Practice saying “no” more often to see how quickly it changes how people treat your time.

5 – Plan Your Days and Setting Boundaries for Your Free Time

If you’re on vacation or have a day off, you can embrace not planning every detail. However, planning days that you must be productive can help you accomplish everything.

Making a to-do list can help you focus on essential tasks and avoid giving in to distractions and things that waste your time. Planning your workdays can help you value your time and ask others to do the same.

Your plans don’t only have to revolve around work. You can also plan self-care, family time, and spending time on your hobbies.

6 – Determine Your Priorities and Clarify Them for Others

Valuing your time requires setting priorities and clarifying them to the people around you. When you determine what’s essential to you, it’s easier to make time for those things.

Some of the things to consider when setting your priorities include asking yourself:

what you want to achieve and experience
who matters most
where you see yourself
what makes you happiest

These questions can help you determine what you should focus on in life. When you know what these things include, you’ll have an easier time asking others to value your time regarding those aspects. You can clarify your priorities and explain your needs from those around you.

7 – Prioritize People Who Value Your Time

If you have people in your life who don’t value your time, it might be time to move on. Surrounding yourself with people who respect you and your time can improve your life in many ways. It’s worth the effort and changes as you find a supportive group of people to spend your time around.

8 – Ask Questions

Don’t hesitate to ask questions if someone wants you to do something that wasn’t in your plans. Asking why they need you to do it or what they expect can reiterate that your time is valuable.

9 – Talk About Time and Why Setting Boundaries Matters

Talking about time is a polite but effective way to ask others to value your time. Time is a resource, and mentioning it in your conversations helps others realize that you see it that way.

Say, “Is there anything else you want to talk about in the next 10 minutes?” These questions can help keep the conversation moving while reminding the other person that your schedule is inflexible regarding this situation.

10 – Don’t Give in When People Try to Distract You

Try shifting your mindset if you experience disruptions during work or leisure time. Thinking about something different or refocusing on the task at hand prevents you from giving in to potential distractions.

Your partner, friend, or child might assume you can or should accept their distractions. However, these distractions interfere with your time because you must stop during your task. Try to ignore these distractions and stay focused, making the most of your daily time.

11 – Respect Your Own Time

If you want other people to value your time, you must respect it, too. Consider whether you say yes to every request, even if it interferes with your priorities. If you drop what you’re doing when people distract you, it sends the message that interrupting you is okay.

You can also respect your time by not responding to emails when they arrive. Emails can distract you from your priorities, and your time is more valuable than that.

Sometimes showing them that you value your time can help you get the point across without ever having to ask. However, you don’t have to be afraid to speak up if someone keeps pushing boundaries.

12 – Value Their Time While Setting Boundaries for Yourself

You can’t expect people to value your time if you don’t respect theirs. Don’t ask them to do things for you when you know they are already overwhelmed.

Be respectful and empathetic of their lives and schedules. They’ll be more likely to do the same for you. Plus, asking them to value your time is easier when you’ve shown that you respect theirs.

13 – Don’t be on Call 24/7

Being available any time of day or night sets the precedent that other people don’t have to respect your time. With technology being at our fingertips, many people expect an immediate response. However, everyone needs time to themselves without having to respond to others. Setting boundaries and enforcing them lets people know they must value their time.

You can let them know you’ll only be available in an emergency. This way, they know you’re there for them, but you won’t always answer and help in a non-emergency.

14 – Explain the Best Way to Contact You

One way to limit interruptions is to explain how to get ahold of you in an urgent situation. Tell people that it might take a couple of days to respond to an email or a few hours for a text message.

If they need you immediately, they can make a phone call to get ahold of you. Emails can be a distraction, so it’s not always a good use of time to check them frequently. People aren’t as likely to make phone calls if they don’t need a quick response, so it is a way to ask people to value your time.

Final Thoughts on Ways to Know Your Worth

While you can’t change other people, you can ask them to value your time. You don’t have to let people use your valuable time. Focusing on your priorities promotes your well-being and allows you to achieve your goals.

You can’t get your time back, so make the most of every moment. Set your priorities and focus on those before agreeing to help others. While it’s good to be kind, you must start setting boundaries. Only then can you put yourself first to enjoy your life and reach your dreams.

How to USE the 333 Rule For Anxiety

November 8, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Most people struggle with mental health issues that prevent them from working on techniques that help reduce anxiety. Many factors can easily affect the mind, from lifestyle to work, friends, family, etc. One of the most common issues is anxiety. While feeling anxious is normal, it still isn’t ideal.

Not to mention that some people struggle with anxiety disorders, which differ from usual, fleeting feelings of anxiety. So, whether you are coping with some anxiety or a full-blown condition, knowing how to reduce anxiety is always good.

Depending on your anxiety levels, there are many ways to try coping with them. Unfortunately, not all of them work for everyone. Not to mention that simple, quick techniques won’t solve your anxiety forever. There are many instances in which you’ll need to find better measures. But if you need a quick fix, you can always try the 333 rule to reduce anxiety.

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is not precisely something unnatural. On the contrary, some feelings of anxiety are, unfortunately, a normal part of life. For example, when you worry or overthink, you probably feel anxious. To be more concise, anxiety is an emotion that appears when you feel tense and have worried thoughts. Physical changes, such as increased blood pressure and heart rate can even characterize it.

But this is known as a “normal” level of anxiety. It’s when you are tense but can still manage what you’re going through. There are many triggers for this emotion. Even something as ordinary as taking a test can make you feel anxious. Anxiety has an evolutionary purpose. Since the dawn of humanity, anxiety has been the factor that allowed us to deal with dangerous situations.

If people weren’t anxious about facing a wild animal, they would become complacent and subject to harm. Anxiety helps set off alarms in the body, which makes you acutely aware of your surroundings. Danger triggers a hormonal response from the body, which releases adrenaline. This triggers the anxious reaction that is known as the fight-or-flight response.

How Anxiety Affects You

Most people today don’t need to run from wild animals anymore, but there are still dangers all around us we need to avoid. Anxiety can come in handy if, for example, a car is close to hitting you. But the danger doesn’t even need to be that big. Even an upcoming test can trigger anxious feelings.

And that’s because your body wants to prepare you by letting you know you must get to work. Anxiety even works passively. You might motivate yourself to avoid tense situations by simply wishing to reduce anxiety. This can look like studying for a test a few days before so that you don’t learn everything the night before.

It would be nice if people only felt the positive effects of anxiety. But anxiety is still a negative emotion. So, no matter how you twist it, there’s a price you have to pay if you want to reap the benefits. And not everyone is lucky enough to only deal with mild anxiety.

General Anxiety Disorder and Its Repercussions

Some people struggle with anxiety disorders, often requiring therapy or medication. Those happen when someone is dealing with recurring intrusive thoughts or concerns. Because anxiety triggers physical changes in the body, an anxiety disorder will have physical and psychological implications. Take General Anxiety Disorder (GAD), for example.

Someone struggling with GAD will always feel restless or on edge. They’ll overthink and be unable to control their worries. Because of it, there’s a high likelihood they’ll be irritable and moody. Because of the high levels of adrenaline released, they’ll have trouble concentrating and sleeping. But the issues don’t stop there. Because it’s a disorder, there will be long-term repercussions. The psychological ones are intuitive.

For example, anxious people will likely become pessimistic and isolated. On the physical side, GAD can lead to heart and muscle issues and affect one’s immune system.

Causes of Anxiety

There are many causes of anxiety. Environmental factors like certain tense or traumatic events often trigger mild anxiety. Environmental factors can also lead to anxiety disorders. For example, if someone grew up in an abusive household, they’ll likely develop an anxiety disorder.

Genetics and brain chemistry are also risk factors when developing such a disorder. If you are aware of a history of anxiety in your family, you might want to see a psychologist and see if you’re struggling with a condition.

Beware that many people have anxiety disorders and don’t even know it. That’s mainly because anxiety is natural, so people tend to believe it’s not a big deal. Also, many people act like others should be ashamed for struggling with anxiety. Don’t just brush it off if you feel you are struggling. It’s better to get a diagnosis, just in case there’s something wrong. Even if you don’t have a disorder, having intrusive thoughts is something you’ll experience from time to time. So, if these thoughts are so common, what can you do to make sure you can reduce them?

The 333 Rule to Reduce Anxiety

As is the case with all self-help techniques, the 333 rule is by no means a substitute for treatment. So, if you’re dealing with chronic anxiety, you must ensure you get the treatment you need. Depending on your anxiety, this can range from therapy to medication.

Still, a therapist can’t always be there. Not to mention that almost everyone will deal with the occasional intrusive thought. So, if you find yourself overthinking and worrying too much, you can learn to cope with those moments using the 333 rule. This way, you can handle intrusive thoughts before they become full-blown meltdowns.

1. Focus On 3 Things You Can See

When you feel anxious feelings creeping, you need to pause and focus on three things you can see. This is the visual part of the rule and helps you start to break away from your internal chaos. It’s easy to focus on big things, like a tree or a chair. Some people prefer to focus on smaller things, though, as the details help them be grounded. But, honestly, it doesn’t matter what you focus on.

If you want, you can always have three objects with you that you can use. Some people even prefer it, as certain items bring them comfort. Just try to clear your head and eliminate everything but those three items. Slowly, you’ll start being able to focus on everything without things getting fuzzy or worrying you even more. You can move on to the next step as soon as you have those objects in your visual field.

2. Focus On 3 Things You Can Hear

When people get anxious, they often get in their heads and stop being aware of the sounds around them. This is bad because it allows the intrusive thoughts to grow until they become overbearing. Instead of letting your internal voice monologue, it’s better to make an effort to focus on auditive stimuli.

This is harder than the previous step because it can be hard to isolate sounds. For example, if you’re walking down a busy street, you might hear a thousand different sounds. Try focusing on distinctive noises to avoid getting even more confused by all those sounds. It’s even better if they are constant.

For example, focus on the sound of car engines rather than a random honk. Things like clocks can be great for this exercise. To keep things simple, try to hone in on the most obvious sounds you hear and try to clear your mind. You can move on to the last step once you have all three sounds in mind.

3. Focus On 3 Things You Can Touch or Move

This technique’s last step is finding three things you can touch or move. Again, this helps you become grounded and in tune with reality. Those three things don’t need to be special or out of reach. If you’re sitting on a chair, you don’t need to get up and touch something that’s across the room. Maybe you’re on the street and don’t even see something you can easily feel or move.

In that case, you can hold on to something you have, like a piece of clothing. Even touching your arm can do the trick. But, again, the object you touch doesn’t matter; what matters is that you have an anchor that helps you focus on the physical world. This can help you relax and calm your thoughts down. But, most importantly, it gets you out of your head.

Final Thoughts on How to Apply the 333 Rule to Reduce Anxiety

Anxiety is not easy to deal with, especially if you are struggling with an anxiety disorder. Even if it’s only mild anxiety, it can still be uncomfortable and trigger a destructive spiral. If left unmanaged, intrusive thoughts can get in the way of everything. They can ruin your day and even push you toward making bad decisions.

Sometimes, even someone who has never struggled with anxiety can have an unexpected panic attack. So, no matter how mild or chronic your anxiety is, it’s always good to learn ways to manage it. One of the simplest and most effective techniques is the 333 rule. It’s very straightforward, so it’s easy to remember and implement when going through something. As the name suggests, this technique is based on finding three things you can see, hear, and touch.

The aim is to stimulate your senses in a way that allows you to get out of your head. By using these senses, you can start grounding yourself. You can start relaxing as soon as you feel like you are back in the real world. Be careful not to trigger a spiral again, and give yourself time before thinking about whatever you were worried about. Also, remember that if you’re struggling with a disorder, this technique is just an addition to treatment, not a replacement.

4 Reasons to Live Together Before Marriage

November 8, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Marriage is a big step in anyone’s life, but there are reasons to cohabitate before you tie the knot. In past history, marriage was more than a business deal between two families. Some of your parents might have still gotten married based on those principles. If they married for love, they were lucky. But society has changed towards something healthier. Nowadays, it’s encouraged to marry out of love. And it’s even become acceptable not to marry, and just live together, if that’s what you want.

But that doesn’t mean we handle marriage in the healthiest of ways. For example, society doesn’t teach people the importance of cohabitating before marriage. As a result, individuals get into relationships, but they never cohabitate. Instead, they get to the altar and believe everything will work out. Occasionally it does. But most of the time, this decision will come back to bite. Too many couples have split after seeing that they cannot live with their partner.

The Need to Live Together

Even couples who love each other deeply risk breaking up because they can’t stand each other’s living habits. When you think about it, the need to cohabitate is evident for the family. And you see how not being prepared to get along with someone can affect your relationship, even with your parents or siblings. So many people love their parents but can’t share the same space for longer than a day. And most young adults still remember just how desperate they were to get out of the family home.

Not just that, but many people’s relationships with their parents improved after they moved out. Why is this relevant in the context of marriage? Because it shows that love isn’t enough to cohabitate in a space. At least you share a different bond with your parents that’s much more likely to last, even if you can’t cohabitate. Even then, many kids cut ties with their families because of how they were raised.

But there’s almost no chance of reconciling with your partner if you can’t live together. That’s the whole point of marriage. To have someone you can take on life with. But if you can’t even decide what to buy from the grocery shop, there’s a high probability you won’t stand the test of time. So, what are the reasons a couple needs to cohabitate before getting married? And in what ways can this strengthen your relationship?

4 Reasons to Live Together Before Marriage

1. It Shows You Whether You Should Even Get Married

The most crucial benefit of cohabitating is that it shows you whether you should get married. But unfortunately, if you look at the numbers, they show that many couples who take this step end up splitting. Patrick Ishizuka, Ph.D., is an assistant sociology professor at Washington University. His research is focused on family, work, and social inequality. In 2018, he published a paper analyzing how cohabitating couples get along.

He found that over half of the case studies were couples who eventually ended their relationship. Many of those couples didn’t even make it to the altar. And, out of those who did, most ended things in the following couple of years. But don’t get things twisted. This didn’t happen because they cohabitated. The numbers wouldn’t have improved if they had chosen not to live together.

On the contrary, they would have gotten worse. Even if fewer couples had split, if they had married without cohabitating before, that wouldn’t have been a good sign. Those couples who would have stayed together would have done so because of how difficult it can be to get a divorce.

Not all couples are meant to be forever. Maybe you truly love your partner, but that doesn’t mean you should marry them. If you don’t cohabitate, you won’t have the chance to see how you can function as a team—cohabitating forces you to have adult discussions and figure out if you’re on the same page.

Plus, it’s an opportunity to get to know your partner. Only seeing them on dates can give you a skewed perspective. But, when you live with them, you can truly understand who they are and what they’re going through. This way, you can accurately judge if this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

2. It Helps You Be on the Same Page

When two people decide to live together, they’ll need time to adjust. If you’re at the age when you’re thinking of marriage, you’ve probably been living alone for a while. Or maybe you still live with your family or a roommate. Still, those dynamics are different from living with a special someone. You don’t have the same responsibilities and expectations. If you have a roommate, you’ve probably already split the fridge space.

You probably don’t eat the same things; even if you do, that’s a happy coincidence. But that’s not possible when you want to start your life with someone. Especially when it comes to marriage, you are starting a family together. Even if you don’t want kids, you are still a family. And it’s silly to think that you’ll have different shopping lists and eat different meals daily.

You must be on the same page regarding small things like meals and big decisions. Living together before getting married is not as strict, though. You don’t feel pressured to be on the same page about everything from the get-go. But you would if you’d start to cohabitate after getting married. If you start before, you still have time to smooth things out.

You can see how each of you lives and decide how to incorporate your needs and desires in the best way possible. Maybe one of you becomes the designated cook while the other does the taxes. You can slowly fall into the roles that best suit you. After you find a comfortable rhythm, you can get married without being afraid to share a space.

3. It Gives You Time to Correct Bad Habits

Everyone has some bad habits they only do in the comfort of their own homes. Some people don’t close the bathroom door. Others forget leftovers in the fridge for a day too many. And everyone has had lazy days when they didn’t even bother to shower. People can do all these things without being judged if they live alone.

But, once you add another person to the equation, things become trickier. And we’re not just talking about a random roommate. At least you can hide in your room all day if you’re living with a friend. But that won’t work with a significant other. Your bad habits will likely not be acceptable, nor will you get away with hiding in your room.

If you’re already married, it can be too late to test if you can eliminate those habits. It’s best if you live together before marriage, so you can both learn how to compromise. If you cohabitate before marriage, you don’t have to commit to living together full-time. Instead, you can start small, like spending a few weekly nights together. That way, you don’t risk overwhelming one another.

You can still retreat to your safe space if the change is too drastic. But, simultaneously, you can still unlearn some of the bad behavior that might be the source of issues. You can start creating new, better habits that fit a married couple.

4. You Can Deepen Your Relationship

If you are considering getting married, you must ensure your relationship is not superficial. Sure, you might have fun with someone, but that doesn’t mean they’d make a good partner. Or maybe you aren’t yet mature enough to be a good partner. Still, there’s no better way to find out if you are compatible than living with your partner. Plus, cohabitating will deepen your relationship because it will force you to focus on all aspects of life.

If you move in together, your relationship will also have to tackle big issues like money, career, and life goals. You won’t have the luxury of only seeing your partner on dates when both of you are having a good day. You won’t just see them at their best. Living together means you’ll also see them at their worst. Or maybe you’ll just see how they are on an ordinary day.

Still, you’ll learn who they are. You can better understand whether or not they are the right one for you. That’s not the only benefit. Sure, your relationship grows because you have to tackle life together. But it also grows because you spend more time together. You run errands, cook, clean, and probably fall asleep watching a show together. Because you live in the same place, you will have to be around each other more.

If you are truly ready for marriage, you’ll know how to have a great time while doing mundane things. You’ll get to know each other better and just learn how to be comfortable in each other’s presence. Having shared responsibilities but also spending more time together will strengthen your bond. And, after even a few months of living together, you’ll be much more prepared for married life.

Final Thoughts on Why You Should Cohabitate Before Marriage

Married life is never easy, no matter how much you prepare for it. But you can make it easier by moving in with your significant other before tying the knot. Maybe you don’t see the point, as you’ll do that after things are official. But cohabitating before marriage is kind of like a trial period.

If you can’t go through a few months of living with your partner, that’s a sign you shouldn’t consider marriage. It doesn’t mean you have to break up. You can keep dating if you still love each other. But you should put the whole marriage idea on hold.

If you think about marriage, you and your partner must cohabitate first. But, by living together, you’ll see if marriage is truly your logical next step. You’ll have time to accommodate each other and let go of some bad habits. You’ll learn how to be a true team and share your responsibilities in those months. But, most importantly, your relationship will become stronger and more serious.

Counselors Explain Why Fair Relationships Have More Intimacy

November 8, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

If you don’t have a degree in psychology, you are likely not familiar with the concept of a fair relationship. And not knowing this term is more than fair, as it was first used to describe an economic concept. But it has been adapted to interpersonal relationships in the past years. In a few words, an equal relationship is better for both parties. A perfect relationship is one that is perfectly equitable, or so the theory states. But real life is not perfect.

You can’t have a perfectly equitable relationship at all times. Sometimes, one of you will have to sacrifice more than the other. Still, it’s good to have fairness in mind when building a connection. Even if you think you might get an advantage out of the relationship, an inequitable relationship just doesn’t work. It will always affect other aspects of the relationship, especially intimacy.

Fair Relationships and Intimacy

You probably know that you can’t have a romantic relationship without intimacy. And we’re not just talking about physical intimacy in this case. For a long-lasting relationship, intimacy’s emotional and psychological aspects are just as important, if not more. It allows you to trust your partner and feel safe around them. Without that intimacy, you won’t want to communicate and fully share your life with them. People don’t feel safe when they see intimacy being affected.

And relationship equity plays an enormous role in how intimate you feel you can be. Plus, most people don’t realize their relationship can be inequitable. Most people don’t want to make the other sacrifice more, but it can happen. Or maybe you sacrifice yourself too much because you want to spare your partner. Either way, your relationship will be affected when one of you gives more than they take. If this is something you might struggle with, read on to see how to avoid having an inequitable connection.

What is Relationship Equity?

Relationship equity is based on a theory created back in the 1960s. It’s called equity theory, inspired by the social exchange theory. John Stacy Adams, a workplace and behavioral psychologist, developed it. Initially, the theory was meant to change things in the workplace. This is because Adams created a link between worker motivation and a divided resource system.

Adams had shown that inequality in these systems would lead to worker unhappiness and inefficiency. So, you can see that the equity theory was intended for economic use. It was supposed to show owners that they would have a more effective firm by creating better working environments. But, in time, the theory was modified and used in other areas. After all, the arguments are based on behavioral studies. So they can be easily tailored for use in other instances.

It makes sense that this theory evolved and gave birth to the concept of relationship equity. In romantic relationships, one partner’s benefits minus their costs should equal the other’s benefits minus their costs. In simpler terms, you should be left with the same benefits or costs at the end of the day. If you are going through a rough phase and must sacrifice, your partner should chime in. And, if you are going through a good one, you should help your partner and share the good.

Going The Extra Mile to Be Fair in a Relationship

Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to break an arm and a leg for them. If, for example, they are prepping for a challenging job interview, you can help with what you can. You don’t need to learn for them. They decided to apply, and they must see things through. But you can help them revise or even cook something if they don’t have enough time.

And they should do the same when you struggle with many issues and work. Indeed, if you’re doing well, you shouldn’t spoil yourself and give them nothing. Of course, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t buy yourself nice things. But don’t buy yourself designer shoes while your partner struggles with money. Maybe help them out first and then think about those shoes.

Relationship equity is just common sense if you think about it. But way too many people end up in inequitable relationships. And that’s mostly because of selfishness. If you never think about your partner’s needs, you won’t be able to give them what they need. And this goes both ways. So, you need to sit down and discuss how you divide responsibilities and how fair you are.

You can start by making small changes, like dividing the chores or deciding who pays for what. But before implementing those changes, let’s see how relationship equity can improve intimacy.

The Connection Between a Fair Relationship and Intimacy

Fairness makes a tremendous difference in how you and your partner relate to each other.

1. A Fair Relationship Improves Communication

When there’s equity in a relationship, each partner feels like they have a voice. Not only that, but they’ll see that their opinions will be heard. In a fair relationship, both parties will try to listen, not just talk and impose their view. Because of that, communication is improved. You won’t be scared to speak your mind when you get the attention you deserve.

You won’t feel the need to hide things from your partner. For example, many people hide issues from their partners to avoid upsetting them. Even if your partner did something to upset you, you might feel it’s better to hold everything in. But that fear doesn’t exist when your partner sees you as an equal.

When you can discuss everything, not only will you solve issues, but you’ll grow closer. You’ll feel safe around each other. When you share your fears and worries with someone, and they respond with love, that’s a good sign. Some people might be dismissive, and those are the ones you shouldn’t waste your time on. But someone who truly values you will be attentive and try to help you.

Your conversations will be meaningful, not just something you go through as your duty. Your fights will be constructive and will help you grow as a couple. All this can happen if you regard the other as your equal. And, naturally, you two will be able to be more intimate. After all, you cannot be intimate with someone if you don’t know how to communicate.

2. A Fair Relationship Improves Satisfaction

Like Adams argued back in the 1960s, equity makes individuals more satisfied. And this is true for all people, including the ones in romantic relationships. You’ll be happier when you feel like the resources are evenly divided in a romantic relationship. You’ll feel you are given what you are owed, making you more likely to give back.

But most relationships are at least inequitable. In most cases, it even takes place without the participants realizing it. For example, it happens if someone takes on too much responsibility because they think they need to support the other. Or maybe someone does all the chores around the house, which can make them feel used.

And, when either partner is unsatisfied, the intimacy will suffer. You won’t want to work towards fixing things. Chances are, you’ll just become complacent and drift apart. But when your relationship is fair, both partners will feel valued. This allows you both to feel like you are cared for. Feeling loved is a big part of intimacy. And when your partner shows you through actions how often they value you, you’ll grow closer.

Relationship equity allows you to be happy in the relationship and feel like it’s an addition, not a burden. This is where the satisfaction comes from. You know you aren’t giving up everything to make the relationship work. Instead, the relationship improves the life you already had. Knowing this allows the bond you have with your partner to become much stronger.

3. A Fair Relationship Empowers You

Relationships are complicated because you can feel like you are losing yourself while you are in them. In an inequitable relationship, you might feel like you must sacrifice your individuality. If you are expected to give more than you get, you’ll have to sacrifice some of your dreams. Say, for example, your partner wants you to stay home and support them.

But maybe you want to focus on your career. If you give that up, it will eat away at you. And you’ll become closed off. Your intimacy will become weaker and weaker. But, by having a fair relationship, you can feel empowered. This is important because you can focus on your goals and won’t give up on the relationship.

Going through rough patches in normal. How you react to them is what can make or break a relationship. If you don’t feel you have intimacy in the relationship, you’ll give up when things get complicated. But when your relationship is fair, and you have that intimacy, you’ll keep fighting no matter how hard things seem.

Final Thoughts on The Connection Between Fairer Relationships and Intimacy

Maybe you haven’t ever heard of relationship equity before, which wouldn’t be surprising. But it’s a concept that can save your relationship. Plus, it’s connected to intimacy. The fairer your relationship is, the stronger your intimacy will be. So, it might be time to assess your relationship and see how equitable it is.

It might surprise you to see that things aren’t as fair as you might have thought. For any relationship to work, you must share your benefits and duties as evenly as possible. If one of you is struggling, the other should help, and vice versa. This is how you create a partnership and take your relationship to the next level.

Being in an equitable relationship will help both of you feel more satisfied. It allows you to communicate openly. And most importantly, it will give you something to fight for. All these factors are strongly tied to intimacy. So, if you want a more intimate relationship, be fair to each other.

10 Things to Learn from Divorce

November 8, 2022 by Deborah Tayloe

Divorce is the last thing you mind the day you walk down the aisle. You think your love will last forever. However, many people end a marriage and go through the emotional and financial toll it takes. When divorcing, it is typical for you to feel alone, empty, lost, desperate, and like your world has been turned upside down.

While everyone goes through the same court process, your journey is diverse. Some are happy to be rid of the toxic relationship, while others mourn the death of great love. Grief is a very real emotion that’s present in other aspects of life besides death.

Ten Divorce Lessons Every Couple Should Know When Ending a Marriage

While divorce is a complicated process, it will teach you many valuable lessons that can extend to other areas of your life. When you’re ending a marriage, these are some things you can take with you from your experiences.

1. Divorce Is Financially Costly

According to Forbes, divorcing in the United States will cost you between $15,000 to $20,000. Of course, this is a contested divorce with children or assets. You can get by much more economically if you do an uncontested dissolution and agree on everything.

Sadly, many people disagree on a thing, so they need the court to make hard decisions for them. Most people don’t spend that much money on their wedding. The thing with divorce is that you must consider things on top of the court costs like alimony, child support, and other obligations the judge orders you to pay. The total cost varies depending on the laws of your state.

So the ballpark figure by Forbes is just for the legal proceedings and lawyer fees. The sticker shock from ending a marriage can only worsen the grief, as some harsh financial realities can be eye-opening.

2. Divorce Stigmas Can Be Harsh

Many people feel that ending a marriage will define them as a person. They feel like no one would want them again. It’s also hard if you have children. That’s because you think no one wants a ready-made family. Thankfully, these beliefs are old school, and blended families are common today.

Divorcing doesn’t mean that either of you is a bad person. You might be great people with a few issues, but you don’t work well together. While oil and water are great alone, they cannot mesh together.

Even if your love didn’t work out with this individual, it doesn’t mean you can’t find the right person and be happy in the future. Don’t buy into the stigmas and let grief power your self-doubts.

3. Holidays Can Be Brutal

You will feel lots of loneliness during the first holidays after a divorce. Sharing the kids and being alone will be an adjustment. Try to fix your schedule so that you have family or friends to be with rather than sitting alone. Also, ensure that the holiday parenting schedule is ironclad so there are no issues that ruin you or your child’s holidays.

4. Healing Takes Time

Realizing your marriage is over can feel like the end of the world. Others may think that divorcing is as wonderful as Christmas morning, especially if their spouse caused them great distress. Regardless of whether you’re happy or sad, you will feel vulnerable.

Your grief makes you a vulnerable person until the healing process is complete. While it’s ironic, if you initiated the ending of your marriage, you may find that it hits you harder than the defendant. You may blame yourself for causing pain to someone you once loved, which can add to your emotional stress.

What you will learn more than anything is that healing is a process that doesn’t happen overnight when divorcing. There are no shortcuts, and you must work through all the intense feelings you experience. Know that it’s okay to get counseling to help you through this time, as going through the court battle and separating might have been the easiest part of the journey.

5. It Pays to Be Kind During a Divorce

No one expects you and your ex to be best friends when divorcing, but you will learn that it pays to be nice. If you can work things out and remain civil, it will help you co-parent your children and get through the whole process.

It may be challenging to be kind when they’ve hurt you so much, but you’re not going to gain anything in this life by being nasty. Let karma work for you, and ensure you do what’s right. Remember that every action will have a consequence. It may not be now, but something you say or do can come back to bite you in the future.

6. You Need to Know the Financial Matters

It’s expected that one person handles paying the bills. However, you both need to have access to accounts. You should know where titles, deeds, and accounts are opened, and you also should know how much money you have combined.

The court needs to know detailed information about your finances, and it’s also helpful to ensure your soon-to-be ex isn’t slipping some money into their pocket without you being any the wiser.

7. It’s Tempting to Engage in Retail Therapy When Divorcing

When you’re emotional from divorcing, your grief can force you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. You have a lot of stress, and you need to find some way to calm the angst you feel. Some folks will go out and buy a car they’ve always wanted, while others will fill their home with useless trinkets of shopping trips they can’t afford.

Compulsive spending is a common problem. According to the National Library of Health, these uncontrollable shopping trips can give you a high like cocaine, opiates, and nicotine because it stimulates dopamine production in the brain. You can become addicted to the euphoric feeling that shopping brings, which isn’t good for your financial well-being.

It’s hard to rationalize your grief and remind yourself that it will take time to heal, but the financial repercussions from poor choices can plague you for years. If you run up debts you can’t pay and must file for bankruptcy, it can impact your credit for seven to ten years. Financial advisors are vital to helping with finances when your emotions are all over the place.

8. Don’t Settle for Any Divorce Lawyer

Many folks are worried about finances when ending a marriage, but you shouldn’t go with the attorney who offers the lowest retainer or hourly rate. You want someone experienced in family law to get you the best deal. It also helps to understand key legal details, like what disqualifies you from alimony in florida.

Having the wrong lawyer representing you can be costly. Additionally, having no legal representation is a big mistake–even if divorcing seems open and closed. Good legal counsel can mean everything when you need your case to be done fairly. It’s also wise to have your divorce papers properly authenticated through a process like the U.S. Federal Apostille Certification.

Legal representation is especially important when things get complicated or contentious. If you’re facing a particularly tough divorce, having a knowledgeable lawyer by your side can make all the difference. For those who need experienced, compassionate legal counsel, visiting https://www.bruceplc.com/ can connect you with professionals who specialize in divorce cases and family law. They will ensure that your case is handled with care, helping you navigate the challenges of the process and giving you peace of mind during a difficult time.

9. Divorce Affects the Children More Than You Think

Most parents try to act like nothing is wrong with their children, even though things aren’t going well. However, your kids can read right through this act. Your children can also experience the grief you feel, and you need to look for tell-tale behavioral signs that indicate depression.

Change is never easy, but your children are affected more than what they can verbalize to you. Therapy might be an excellent tool for the whole family as ending a marriage impacts everyone in the home.

10. It’s Not the End of Your Story

Grief is a powerful thing to experience and can send you straight into depression. While you may have closed the chapter on this relationship, divorce doesn’t mean your story is complete. You can and should find love again, as you deserve to be happy.

When you release yourself from the ties of a marriage, you can do whatever you want. You can go where life takes you and make decisions that feel best for you. Sure, there are some uncertainties, but there are also many choices you never had before. Divorcing the wrong person can empower you to find the right one, and if you have co-dependency issues and other problems, you can finally break free.

Final Thoughts on Divorce Lessons Everyone Couple Splitting Up Should Know

Divorce is scary, and no one will tell you it was a pleasant experience. Still, sometimes it’s the best path for your mental and physical well-being. Sure, there will be a lot of uncertainty that will cause you significant emotional distress, but you need to surround yourself with a great support system.

When ending a marriage, there will be dark days and times when you feel like you can catch your breath again. You may think you’re over it, but it hits you all like a flood again when you have a memory or see something special to you. While there’s no easy way to get through this time other, what you can learn is that the lessons you discover are valuable.

3 Ways to Practice Forgiveness And Move On

November 7, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Forgiveness is often not something you feel like giving. Sometimes people do you so dirty that you might consider never forgiving them. You might think they don’t deserve it, so wasting your breath is useless. This is especially true right after someone has hurt you. At that moment, letting things go seems like the last thing you’d want to do. But no matter what someone does to you, holding grudges is never the answer.

What you might not know about forgiveness is that it’s not something that only benefits someone else. Instead, you need to do it if you want to move on. So, being able to forgive is a quality that ultimately only helps you. This doesn’t diminish your hurt, though. And it doesn’t mean you should forget what happened and accept those who hurt you back into your life. People will lie, cheat and break your heart. Sure, not all of them will do something unforgivable. But most people who will do you wrong won’t cause much harm. For example, if someone accidentally spills a drink on you, you’ll likely brush it off.

When it comes to small mistakes, forgiveness comes naturally. That’s mainly because you are sure those people deserve your forgiveness. But what about the other category? What about those who don’t deserve to be in your life anymore? You’ll be surprised to learn that you should forgive even those people. But not for them. Do it to move on with your life and begin a new chapter. Letting go of grudges and anger is the only way to move on.

Why You Shouldn’t Hold Grudges

Before we get into the thick of it, we should go over why it’s unhealthy to hold on to grudges. Many believe being angry at someone who hurt them is the right thing to do. So, they hold grudges and never let go of the past. After all, this is a form of retribution, right? You’re doing to them exactly what they did to you. But real life doesn’t work like that.

In real life, you need to worry about your well-being rather than being concerned with getting even. But why do people engage in this behavior if it’s toxic and has clear negative consequences? Well, for one, because it’s the natural thing to do. People are emotional creatures, no matter how much we would like to believe otherwise. Sure, we are also rational, but in sticky situations, chances are our emotions will take over.

So, when you feel hurt, your instinct will always be to either hide or strike back. If you hide, you’ll do anything in your power to avoid the one who harmed you. But that doesn’t help you heal. It only puts you in a position where you feel unsafe. Say, for example, that a friend stole something from you. If you shove the situation under the rug, the anger and hurt won’t go away.

It’ll just simmer until, eventually, you’ll burst. Your feelings should never be left unaddressed. Plus, by hiding and ignoring the issue, you only give off the feeling that you’re vulnerable. So, the one who hurt you will likely take it as a sign they can do it again. The only way to release that betrayal is the act of forgiveness.

The Role of Payback in Grudges

People also take the opposite measure, meaning they look for payback. You might want to reciprocate whatever misfortune you suffered just to see the other hurt as you did. But that’s even more unhealthy than ignoring the situation. Holding a grudge is a thing, but acting on it is dangerous for your and the other’s sanity. Not only do you risk hurting someone, but the grudge will always be on your mind. You’ll constantly ruminate and imagine ways to get even.

Or, at the very least, you’ll overthink every little aspect of what went down between you and the one who wronged you. It’s not difficult to see how that won’t help either party. But, most importantly, holding a grudge will stop you from moving on. You won’t be able to make up with the one who wronged you, but you won’t know how to let them go, either.

Essentially, you’ll be stuck in the worst-case scenario, and there are studies to support this idea. And the only way to avoid this is to learn how to forgive people. Whether they deserve it or not that’s not as relevant. What matters is that you know how to handle things in the healthiest way for you.

3 Steps to Forgiveness and Moving On

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

The first step towards forgiveness is to acknowledge your emotions. Most people don’t forgive because they don’t know what they feel. You can feel anything from anger to sadness if someone does you wrong. But unless you come to terms with what you feel, you won’t truly be ready to forgive. You might even acknowledge someone’s apology if it exists, but you won’t internalize it.

And if that apology doesn’t exist, you won’t even acknowledge that you need it. People are way too used to brushing off little things that happen because they don’t understand how much they affect them. Slowly, those things build to the point where you might explode. But that’s in the happy case, where someone just annoys you instead of outright hurting you. In that instance, there’s still a way to move on without anyone getting hurt.

But when someone does wrong to you, you must be in tune with your emotions. For example, say you get cheated on. That hurts tremendously, and your instinct will be to ignore your feelings so that you don’t have to deal with them. But the sooner you accept what happened, the better. Sure, it’ll hurt like hell. But that’ll happen either way. If you deal with them sooner, you avoid other potentially traumatizing situations. Plus, you can move on and rebuild your life.

2. Figure Out What You Want After Forgiveness

Whenever someone does you dirty, you need to make a decision. Do you still want them in your life or not? Based on the answer, you’ll have to take different approaches. You also need to be aware that not all the people you want are good for you. For example, you might want to have a relationship with someone who consistently lies to you, but it might be better to cut them off.

You must consider many factors affecting how you move on when making this decision. Say you still want to keep them in your life. Be aware that you should have a good reason to do so. You need to see whether they still bring something positive to your life. No matter how much you care about someone, that doesn’t mean they are good for you. If you constantly find yourself getting hurt by them, that’s a sign you’d be better off without them.

If that’s not the case, and they are still good for you, then you need to communicate. When they make a mistake, you need to sit down together and discuss things. See why they did what they did and how you can fix things. They must apologize. Otherwise, if they don’t own up to their mistakes, you’re probably wasting your time on them. If they do, then you can start patching up your relationship. You’ll still move on, but you’ll continue with them in your life.

But there will be times when you need to cut people off to move on properly. That doesn’t mean you should just start ignoring them and never forgive. But, in this case, you aren’t forgiving their actions as much as you are coming to terms with what happened. You forgive the past so that you can have a better future. Communicating with them is still good, but some people won’t always be open to talking.

If you don’t get closure from them, you have to give it to yourself. That means you’ll have to go through everything that happened and deal with all your emotions. Understand that staying mad is not a healthy option. It’s ok to acknowledge that someone hurt you and acted wrongly. But don’t hold on to that anger forever. Instead, let them go and focus on your own life.

3. Give Forgiveness to Yourself

Often, people know how to forgive others, but they still can’t move on. That might be the case because they haven’t forgiven themselves. Also, because we are human, we tend to overthink everything. So, whenever something terrible happens, we can’t help but think that we could have done something to prevent it. For example, if someone lies to you, you might feel it’s your fault because you aren’t trustworthy enough.

Or you’ll try to look for other excuses because you are too afraid to face the truth that those people just didn’t care enough. But if others keep hurting you, that’s not your fault. You didn’t make them lie or cheat. It was their choice and theirs alone. But, even if you are in a situation where you are partly to blame, you still shouldn’t beat yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes. What matters most is that you move on and be a better person.

Practice self-compassion and cut yourself some slack. Instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge what you might have done wrong and work towards becoming a better person. There’s no way to change the past, but you can always have a brighter future. So, take your time and be kind to yourself. Without forgiving yourself, you won’t be able to move on.

Final Thoughts on Steps to Forgiveness and Moving On

Forgiveness is something we all need to learn to practice. But it’s easier said than done. In theory, life should be easy. If someone does wrong to you, the two of you talk, they apologize, and you move on. But that’s not how it unfolds in real life. So in practice, you need to learn to move on even without anyone’s help.

To do that, you need to be in tune with your emotions and take time to process things. Try to communicate as best as you can. If that’s not possible, give yourself closure. That might mean cutting some people off, but it’ll be for the better. Lastly, to truly move on, you need to forgive yourself.

3 Reasons It’s Good to Avoid Groupthink

November 7, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Groupthink is a sociological and psychological phenomenon that affects everyone’s daily life. It appears when people decide based on the desire of the group to fit in. Most of the time, groupthink is not based on logical choices but often on biases. As a result, people don’t even realize they are adhering to such a method of thinking.

It happens irrationally as a survival mechanism. Maybe this doesn’t seem like such an awful thing, but it can be dangerous. Giving up your desires and beliefs is easy if you practice groupthink. It might seem a good idea to please people and go with what everyone wants. But the dangers aren’t just to your values. It’s not just your moral code you poison when doing it. It’s also your mental and psychological well-being that ends up affected.

Have you ever stayed silent while a decision was made because you didn’t want to be left out? Maybe you did it even when the decision wasn’t advantageous to you at all. For example, at some point, you might have agreed to go on a trip you never wanted to go on so that you wouldn’t be left behind. Or maybe you decided to promote someone even when you didn’t agree. These are just a few examples of when people have given in to groupthink.

If you are reading this and thinking that you could never end up like this, think again. You have surely done something along these lines without realizing the decision wasn’t yours. But if you want to understand the danger of groupthink, keep reading.

What is Groupthink?

As mentioned, groupthink happens when people adhere to the group’s mentality and decision-making to fit it. But, the desire to fit in must be greater than the desire to speak your mind, critique a position, or express an unpopular opinion. When people aren’t afraid of losing the group’s acceptance, groupthink might not happen. In that case, they might feel confident enough to express their opinions.

Even then, groupthink might appear as people find it easier to go with the group’s proposal. One very famous example of groupthink is the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster. This was a fatal accident, as the space shuttle broke apart merely 73 seconds after take-off. All seven crew members aboard perished. So, how is this an example of groupthink? All the engineers working on the project knew there were faulty parts. But no one said anything because they were trying to avoid bad press.

Even the engineers who wanted to speak up stayed silent because they didn’t want to face any backlash. If it weren’t for groupthink, none of this would have happened. It would have been enough for one person to speak up, and none of this would have happened. And there are many different examples of the dangers of groupthink in history. This all goes to show that you should never count on others. You should always base your decisions on logical thinking.

Groupthink doesn’t happen in all social contexts, but some factors can increase its likelihood. For once, having a strong and persuasive group leader is a determinant. One typical example of this is in the workplace. Most people blindly follow their boss or team leader, even when disagreeing. But that’s more because they could face material consequences if they don’t. Another factor that could lead to groupthink is a high level of cohesion.

If you have a strongly bonded group of friends, you might be inclined to go with what everyone else thinks. Maybe you don’t want to go to a particular coffee shop, but you won’t say anything so that you don’t create discomfort. You’ll give up on your wishes because you fear speaking up will develop issues. Lastly, peer pressure is something that almost always leads to groupthink.

You’ve almost certainly been at a party when you were young and drank because everyone else wanted you to. Or maybe you bought some shoes just because your friends all had them and you felt you needed them too. Looking at all three of these factors, you notice some similarities. People fall for groupthink because of fear and a desire to fit in. But what are some dangers of groupthink that are less known, and how to avoid them?

3 Dangers of Groupthink To Never Ignore

Don’t fall into the trap–watch for these three red flags.

1. It Creates Biases

The problem with tight-knit groups is that they often develop what’s known as a group identity. In some cases, that regards the moral code of the individuals. Sometimes it’s about likes and hobbies. It can even go as far as having a group style and image, with people having the same aesthetics. But, no matter what that identity is, one thing is clear. To keep that identity intact, members must ensure everyone acts accordingly.

No one can dress differently, as that would disrupt the identity. But how can a group make sure no one chooses to be different? Often, it’s by creating biases. As you know, a bias is a tendency or prejudice towards something or someone. People need some biases that can act as a rule of thumb to navigate life. For example, people are biased toward doing good. When you ask them why they’ll probably just say that being good is the right thing to do.

Most people simply believe that without being able to explain it through philosophical or moral arguments. But biases can quickly become worse. Groupthink can easily instill negative beliefs into your head without giving you an explanation for them. For example, a group of bankers is likely to believe they are superior to accountants. If they ask them why they’ll tell you it’s because they are better and give you no other reason. If you fall victim to groupthink, you’ll quickly develop toxic biases affecting your logical thinking.

2. It Affects Decision-Making

Having biases is something that will affect how you think and decide. But that’s not the only thing that will affect your decision-making skills. For example, one of the worst things about groupthink is that it creates an idea that there’s no right call other than the group decision. Not only that, but it instills fear into the members.

There’s always a lot of pressure to support the group and prove yourself worthy of being in the group. And the consequences of speaking up are clear. You say something against the grain and are out of the group. All these things can lead to self-censorship. It starts with small concessions until it grows into full-blown sacrifices. Finally, you’ll begin to ignore what you want or think and blindly follow whatever everyone else says.

But that might not even need to be the case. If you care for and respect the people in the group, you’ll believe them blindly. You won’t feel inclined to double-check if they tell you a lie. You’ll end up having incomplete or false information. It’s not hard to see how groupthink will lead to bad decision-making.

3. It Creates a False Sense of Unity

The last known issue with groupthink is that it can create a false sense of unity between the members. For example, say your group has to decide, and the leader proposes something. A few others agree with them. Maybe you aren’t pleased with the idea, but you go with it because everyone else is going ahead.

You want to see the team happy, so you go for it. In that case, they’ll think you’ve got their back when in reality, you’re just approving for the sake of it. But imagine if the roles were reversed. If you proposed something and everyone else agreed just for the sake of it. You’ll believe everyone has your back when that’s not the case.

The issue with having a false sense of unity is that it leads you to put your trust in the wrong people. You might think you can count on them, but they’ll likely just let you down. Plus, all the projects and ideas the group does will unavoidably have cracks. When not everyone is enthusiastically on board with an idea, they won’t work as hard as they could.

How to Avoid Groupthink

The first step is to know and identify the previously discussed signs. Then, whenever you are in a group, make a mental checklist of your wants, needs, and values. If the group is about to make a decision, remember that list. Always appeal to your logic instead of relying on someone else’s. Also, speak up whenever you feel it’s necessary. Finally, don’t start fights with people left and right. Be respectful but firm.

If the group doesn’t agree and they explain why they don’t logically, that’s when you can make a concession. Otherwise, stay firm and fight for your beliefs. Make sure you do the same even when it comes to your friend groups. And always remember that having your ideas is nothing to be ashamed of. If the group marginalizes you because of that, it’s a sign you don’t need them. Those aren’t the kind of people you need as friends or co-workers.

Final Thoughts on Dangers of Groupthink to Never Ignore

Everyone will fall victim to groupthink at some point in their life. In all honesty, all groups experience some level of groupthink. When you spend so much time with the same people, it’s normal to develop similar thinking patterns. But that doesn’t mean you should ever feel pressured or coerced to make decisions based on the group’s wants.

Nor should you ever let them implant biases into your mind. You should always do what you think is right. Even when you have to compromise, you should still make your thoughts heard. Groupthink is dangerous because it creates biases and alters decision-making skills. Plus, it creates a false sense of unity, making you count on the wrong people. It can make you feel scared and stressed and affect your logical thinking. If you want to avoid that, always remember to think freely and speak your mind.

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