You can’t change all the people you encounter each day. However, you do have the choice in who you allow into your inner circle. You want to be with someone eager to forgive, knows how to have fun, and is there for you when you need it most.
You will blink your eyes, and the best years of your life will be behind you. Since time is so short, you don’t want to waste it on those who don’t value and respect you as a friend. You must surround yourself with people who make you feel loved and appreciated.
The Sting of Betrayal
Have you been betrayed because you allowed someone to get close, and they misused your trust? It’s not always easy to forgive or forget, but it’s something you should practice often. Going through a betrayal is one of the most heart-breaking things in life.
If you tell a boyfriend or girlfriend about a cheating ex, they probably promised that they would never do that to you. When they turn around and do the same thing, the pangs of disloyalty from a cheating spouse feel more intense. Once you feel such a deep blow to the psyche, you bear that scar for life.
When you meet someone new, every fiber of your being wants to believe that this person is true blue and would never hurt you. You care and love deeply, but giving yourself entirely to them is challenging because you’ve developed trust issues. You’re afraid that they will turn around and break your heart that is barely mended from the last betrayal.
Do you tend to stay longer in relationships than you should? There are always warning signs that the partnership isn’t working, but many choose to remain, hoping things will improve. Why do people stay with people that make them miserable?
What makes someone stay with someone they no longer trust?
Some of the most common reasons that people stay in a rocky relationship are these:
- Finances
- Children
- Social or family ties
- Jobs
- The comfort of having someone
No matter how miserable this person makes you, there is comfort in coming home to the same thing every night. Generally, people don’t’ like change because it’s uncomfortable. It’s a huge hassle to pack up the house, sever ties, and move on.
Once you’ve had such an intimate life with someone, it’s hard to move on and show mercy because they deceived you. They know things about you that make you vulnerable to them.
You will experience pain because the person you believed and trusted in with all your secrets now is no longer that confidant. In fact, they might be the enemy. How do you move on from such a devastating blow?
The Emotional Changes Caused by Hurt
Once you’ve experienced deep hurt, it does things that cause you to change in ways that are hard to imagine. Some people believe in the fallacy that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Sadly, that’s not always the case.
Sure, there are some things you go through in life that will make you a stronger and better person. However, some storms will alter you and can even destroy who you are. Love doesn’t mean you will live happily ever after, and it’s a bitter pill to swallow.
You can love a person with all your heart, but that doesn’t mean that you can live together. What good is love if there is no income, commitment, or trust? Does it sound odd to say that the person who has caused you so much agony in life is the one that you should be thanking?
Aligning Your Visions
What would have happened if you never saw the person who betrayed you for who they really were? If you never saw their true colors, then you would have continued in a relationship that wasn’t right or healthy.
Without this revelation, you would have continued to believe that they were a good and decent person and that they were someone they weren’t. You gained wisdom and perspective when you hit your breaking point.
You’ve now learned when enough is enough. The next time you will see the warning signs and end things before it comes to blows. The most important lesson comes when someone disrespects your values because now you fully understand your true worth.
People become quite emotional when it comes to love. The pain is not caused by the fact that they didn’t love you completely; it comes from thinking that they did. You wanted and believed that they loved you every bit as much as you did them.
You had no idea this relationship would end up like this. When you said forever, you thought that it would be for eternity. You had visions of sitting in the porch swing growing old together, but your visions didn’t align.
Learning to Forgive Yourself and Others
It’s time to change your destiny. If you let unforgiveness fester in your heart and mind, it can destroy you. However, you can forgive yourself because you didn’t know or ignored the warning signs.
Promise yourself that you will never allow this to happen to you again. The knowledge and wisdom you gain will keep you from making the same mistakes again. Time will tell if a person is right or wrong for you, and you can’t use your feelings of infatuation or love as a guide.
Time is really a beautiful gift as it allows manipulators and narcissistic people’s true colors to come to the forefront. Don’t be so eager to jump into a relationship head-on, and don’t move them into your home before you’ve given them a decent period to prove themselves.
Forgive the past mistakes you and others have made, but don’t make the same blunders again. Take some time to get to know yourself a bit better. Understand what you want, need, and are looking for in a friend or mate. You should guard your heart like a fragile piece of glass that can shatter and break if mishandled.
One of the biggest problems that people get caught up in is quantity. Don’t worry about how many dates you have or haven’t been on this month. It’s not a contest. You want quality because this is where you will find true happiness.
Stop loving all the wrong people and giving your heart away so easily. When you are eager for love, you will set yourself up for heartbreak.
But What if You Wronged Someone?
Now, what if you wronged someone in a relationship. And now, you must ask for forgiveness?
You must be careful because some people are not so eager to offer mercy. When you’ve crossed the line, some people aren’t interested in going back to the way things were.
Assume that you’re dating a woman, and things are going well. You get a call from an ex-lover that wants to meet for dinner while she’s in town. You don’t want to tell your girlfriend because you know she might overreact, and you don’t intend on this to be anything other than a quaint dinner.
The night was splendid, and it was good to catch up with an old flame. However, your girlfriend found out because someone saw you with another woman. She will have a hard time with trust and communication in the future, and she may not forgive you.
Even though you didn’t technically cheat on her, you put yourself in a position for her to distrust you in the future. She may view this as an unforgivable offense, and she may believe that you were intimate with her even if you weren’t. Sometimes, people cross a line and do things that are unforgivable in the other person’s eyes.
This whole situation could have been avoided if you had told your girlfriend or brought her along too. When things are going great in a relationship, be careful not to do something that could ruin the entire thing. A simple act of foolishness could have cost your bond with a beautiful person.
Not everyone will offer forgiveness or forget what you’ve done. You must be careful who you’ve hurt because sometimes there’s no going back.
Final Thoughts on the Choice to Forgive (or Not)
While you may forgive someone for something wrong they’ve done to you, it’s almost impossible to forget. Still, it’s possible for time to ease the painful pangs over time. When someone is dishonest or treats you poorly, you must forgive them. Karma is a beautiful yet vicious thing.
When you put negativity out into the atmosphere, then negativity is what will come back to you. When you offer forgiveness to others, then forgiveness will come back to you. Life is hard, and people make mistakes as no one is perfect, but make sure that even if it means your association ends that you forgive.
