15 of the Funniest Quotes About Kids You’ll Ever Hear

15 of the Funniest Quotes About Kids You’ll Ever Hear

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It’s hard to choose between all of the funniest quotes about kids because there are so many. This proves how entertaining children are and how fun being around them can be.

This list of funny quotes includes all aspects of being around children, not just parenting them. From the funny parts of parenting to humorous parts of encountering other children, you’ll find many that you like. If there is a child who is regularly in your life, you’ll be able to relate to many of these quotes.

These quotes will give you someone to relate to who understands how you are feeling. If you find yourself getting frustrated with a child, remember some of the funniest quotes you read here. It should help you relax and remember that children are funny, even when they aren’t trying to be.



15 of the Funniest Quotes About Kids

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1. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable” -Lane Olinghouse

It seems that children don’t want or need anything when a parent is asking. Likewise, they don’t always listen when a parent is trying to get their attention. It seems that parents are normally ignored.

To remedy this, you need to sit and get comfortable. Then, the children will suddenly want your attention. There’s no science behind this, but parents know this is an accurate description of what happens when they sit down.

2. “All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.” – Erma Bombeck

We all indeed have moments that test us, and children can bring about many of those moments. As Bombeck jokes, one moment that can test your courage is one that involves your child potentially making a mess.



Children can make a mess of anything, especially if it’s white. This goes for white carpet, furniture, walls, or anything else that can be easily stained. While Bombeck was joking in her quote, her statement is all too real.

3. “There’s nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child.” – Frank A. Clark

Children ask more questions than any adult ever could, and they’ll want to know all of the details. It’s easy to say what you believe, but when a child begins asking questions, you’ll have to delve deeper.

The questions that a child asks are ones that’ll make you reflect on your beliefs. You’ll have to consider exactly why you believe what you believe, and you’ll have to explain it. Oftentimes, you’ll end up learning something about yourself in the process.

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4. “The only thing kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.” – John J. Plomp

Children are always on the move and always growing, so they grow out of or tear up shoes pretty quickly. It’s normal to see children dragging their feet along the ground as they ride bikes or play outside. This causes scruffs, tears, and sometimes even holes.

The other thing children wear out quickly is their parents. Between taking care of the little ones and playing with them, parents are exhausted by the end of the day.

5. “It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snow-blower, or vacuum cleaner.” – Ben Bergor

The things that children learn quickly are the things that they want to do or that inspire them. Bergor points this out in his quote, and he is spot on with that. No matter how many things a kid claims not to know how to do, they master driving a car pretty quickly.

It shows that children are smart, but they typically only engage in learning when they are doing something they enjoy. Remember this the next time a child tells you they don’t know how to do something you ask of them. You can hold it against them when they want to learn to drive.

6. “The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.” – Paul Reiser

As Reiser explains, you can’t ease into taking care of a baby. Right from the start, you’ll be changing diapers seemingly non-stop. This is how much of raising children goes, suddenly the next stage is there, and you have to get started.



7. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” –
Phyllis Diller

You take care of your children for many years, and in the end, they return the favor. Ensure that the favor is a good one, and remember that children remember everything.

8. “Hi, my daughter will be late to school because she can zip her jacket by herself.” – Unknown

Small children insist on doing everything for themselves when you have somewhere to be. Parents will frequently find themselves late getting places because of this. The funnier part is that when you aren’t in a hurry, they don’t want to do anything themselves.

9. “You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” – Franklin P. Jones

Even when children aren’t trying to test your patience, they still manage to do it. Other times they help you learn how much patience you have on purpose. Either way, they can’t help but test you and make you force yourself to stay cheerful and kind.

10. “In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television.” – Erma Bombeck

I’m sure most parents argue with their children at dinner time at some point. If there were more commercials and television shows about healthy foods dancing around, it wouldn’t be such a problem.

11. “Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too.” – Lionel Kauffman

Many people joke that children cause them to have gray hair. According to this quote by Kauffman, there’s some truth to that.

Even with all the joy children bring to life, they cause stress and worry, too. This is likely the reason they may cause premature gray hair and old age.

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12. “There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother’s age.” – Benjamin Spock

Teaching children to share with others is a struggle for most parents and caregivers. They’ll willingly and happily share information about their parents, though. Unfortunately, it always seems they share the details we’d rather have kept private.

Even worse, when they get sick, they share their germs with everyone. If only they knew which things to keep to themselves and which to share, life would be much easier.

13. “The reason I love kids so much is because they’re so honest, so you know right away if they like you or they don’t.” – Colin Egglesfield

This is sometimes so embarrassing for parents. Children say whatever is on their mind, and if they don’t say it, they behave in a way that shows their feelings. This is why it’s so easy for others to know if a child likes them or not.

14. “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.” – Jerry Seinfeld

Toddlers can create the biggest mess in a short amount of time. There is no avoiding it, no matter how careful you are. As Seinfeld explains, they seem to cause a mess that is comparable to a blender flinging things around the room.

15. “Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.” – David Frost

It’s easier to manage one child than two for this simple reason. Siblings will always find something to argue about, so you’ll be breaking up many fights. Just add a referee to your list of skills if you’re a parent to more than one kid.

funniest quotesFinal Thoughts on the Funniest Quotes About Kids You’ll Ever Hear.

After reading the funniest quotes about kids, you should feel a little refreshed. It is always easier to look back and laugh than it is to laugh at the moment, of course. Maybe in the future, you’ll be able to remember some of the funniest quotes and laugh at the moment, instead.

Raising children is hard work, and it can be stressful. It’s essential to find the humor in it, even when you don’t feel like laughing. Remember that you aren’t alone, as the funniest quotes about kids happen to all of us from time to time. It’s nice to relate to others who understand what you deal with, and these quotes do just that.



You can save these quotes on your phone or print them and put them where you’ll often see them. This way, you’ll get a good laugh when you see it. Plus, when you begin to forget just how humorous children are, you can quickly remind yourself.

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