Love is a half-full glass, and a hopeless romantic’s ideal partner will fill the other half to create a perfect balance rarely seen out of a Hollywood or Disney romances. In other words, you’re in love with the idea of perfect love and seek it out in your romantic relationships. You’re in good company; I’m a hopeless romantic too, and I always will be.
Today’s world, however, is less about romance and long term relationships and more about casual dating and one night stands. This is the bane of a hopeless romantic. We want someone who values love like we do. Maybe, if we’re lucky, we find a hopeless romantic partner just like ourselves. Your journey, however, can be more complicated because of the following bitter truths.
Here are 5 truths about being a hopeless romantic:
1. You Might Be Part Of The Problem
I remember the first time a (now ex) boyfriend said, “Maybe he wasn’t the problem.”
The sheer rage that ran through my veins at hearing those words could’ve started WWIII. At the time, I’d recently left a 17-year mentally abusive relationship and reentered the world of dating. Obviously, I’d found a tool of a guy who’d dared to blame me, but he was sort of right too. After all, I was dating him. I had unconsciously lowered my standards while ignoring flaws and warning signs. Moreover, I had done it repeatedly and expected different results.
In romances, yes, we do accept and forgive flaws, but we must recognize, accept, and love them first. What we do as hopeless romantics is ignore their existence, then an ah-ha moment occurs later, and we suddenly can’t understand how we missed it. You will have or have had these ah-ha moments, and yes, if not for our unrealistic view on love, we wouldn’t be in those relationships in the first place.
2. We Do Unexplainable Things In The Name Of Love
Here are a few.
• Lower standards and not just your physical standards. This means possibly putting yourself in a dangerous or abusive relationship.
• Give people second chances when they don’t deserve it or texting/emailing past lovers out of desperation.
• Raise your standards to unrealistic levels to prove to yourself you don’t need anyone or to make yourself feel worse.
• Become a serial dater in a sense that goes against being a hopeless romantic, like random hookups and casual sex.
• Do unrelated dating/love things, like losing weight (which should be for yourself), in hopes to attract a partner.
3. The Path To True Love Is A Rollercoaster Of Emotions
Being a hopeless romantic is like any other addiction, but the cure itself is not to forget or ignore our hearts, unlike an addict who gives up their drug to battle their addiction. Finding love with another hopeless romantic partner is ideal. It’s not always possible, but no one understands what your journey has been like except for someone who views love in the same way.
You might not fall for every person you meet, but you will love often and hard. After a bad breakup, you might temporarily stop looking for new relationships. There is nothing wrong with this. We can learn from taking a step back and reevaluating our love lives. Plus, you need to recharge and reexamine yourself.
4. You Will Constantly Date The Wrong People
This can be good or bad; depends how you look at it. A hopeless romantic partner often has dating experience like no other. This doesn’t mean you’re easy (or they are). It doesn’t need to mean sex or sleeping around, which today’s hookup culture almost redefines dating as, but it does mean you meet a lot of people.
If you take the time to reflect on why your partner(s) didn’t work out, you can avoid those types in the future. This is why dating the wrong people is good. It also means you’ll appreciate the right person more when you meet them. However, if you’re not careful, you will wind up repeating the cycle and dating the same type until you’re so hurt and frustrated that you temporarily give up on love.
5. You Will Attract Narcissists
Two types of people move fast in relationships: hopeless romantics and narcissists. Narcissists move like lightning through relationships and few occur without the victim suffering a form of mental abuse.
You should beware of the signs, but also understand that present signs don’t make someone a narcissist; after all, we all have some narcissistic traits at varied degrees. When you take relationships slowly, you run less risk at attracting not only narcissists but also the wrong people in general, including abusive ones.
If you’re currently in an abusive situation, please reach out to someone for help. You’re not alone.
Love is a wonderful emotion that each of us deserves to feel free of abuse or unhealthy conditions. When you find real everlasting love, you will know it. I’m not an expert on all things love, but I knew at the sound of my soul mate’s voice that my heart had finally found its home. It might be a bumpy ride for you too, but love is real. Don’t ever give up hope.