No one wants to deal with narcissistic behavior from others. However, there are ways that people subconsciously attract it. First, you have to stop allowing their behavior to be acceptable to you. When they do things that bother you, make sure that you set up a boundary. Clearly explain that the offensive behavior was not okay. Allow them the opportunity to rectify the situation.
If you see that they don’t care to make a change or they justify the behavior, this is a sign that they will not stop. When you confront someone regarding hurtful behavior and they dismiss it, this is a form of emotional abuse. Do not allow it. Consider the reasons why you might continue to attract narcissists into your life.
Here’s why you keep attracting narcissist personalities into your life:
1. You’re used to it.
You might be used to narcissists because they were in your home. If one of your family members is a narcissist and you experienced their controlling behavior throughout your childhood, it might feel like second nature to you to adjust to anyone else who’s a narcissist. As a result, you’ve created space for narcissism to thrive in your personal or professional life. Because you can tolerate the traits of a narcissist, they will naturally cling to people like you who are used to their type of nature.
2. You’re overly concerned with pleasing others.
It’s good to be concerned with how you come across. You never want to come across in a way that doesn’t portray you accurately. However, if you’re overly concerned with pleasing others and making sure they like you, this is a breeding ground for someone who’s a narcissist to take over. Because a narcissist naturally is selfish, they’ll take from you. When they take from you, you’ll accommodate it (even if you don’t like it) because your desire to please is greater.
3. You think you can fix people.
A lot of women tend to date men based on their potential. They don’t look at the man who’s right in front of them. They look at who this man could become. The same concept applies to a person who is dealing with narcissists. When they see the narcissism, they feel sorry for the person. As a result, they strive to do all they can to help that person come out of that nature. Unfortunately, a narcissist has to learn on their own. There’s really nothing you can do to fix the situation. If you try, you’ll only end up hurting yourself in the long run.
4. You don’t think highly of yourself.
When you don’t think highly of yourself, you’ll allow others to define you. When you have low self-esteem, your standards will naturally be low as well. It’s so important to cultivate a healthy sense of self and self-worth because that will detract people who will take advantage of you. Narcissists thrive in spaces where they know a person doesn’t think highly of himself because they can manipulate them. When you love yourself and truly know your worth, it’s harder for anyone to convince you to do things you don’t want to do.
5. You don’t think you matter.
Narcissists know they matter. In fact, they’ll do their best to make sure the room understands how much they matter. However, narcissists do this at the expense of others. Because they need to be exalted, it’s easier to do that in a room with people who don’t think they matter. When you don’t believe your feelings, values or desires count for anything, you’ll put others ahead of yourself. It’s good to be noble and giving, but not to your detriment.
6. You need people to approve of you.
Validation isn’t bad. A lot of times, people will try to tell you that you don’t need to be validated by anyone and that you should just exist in your truth. It’s nice to be appreciated and validated by others. However, you can’t let it rule you. That’s where the danger is. If you need people to approve of you and your lifestyle, you’re going to run into issues. This will especially be true with people who are narcissists. The problem here is that narcissists will only approve of you when you’re doing things they want you to do. Oftentimes, the things they want you to do involve serving them. You were not put on the earth to only serve one person. Your job isn’t to solely assist another person to live their best life. You have a life to live too. It’s so important for you to honor your own calling. Additionally, you must understand and know that your calling doesn’t revolve around another person.
Take note of the passive-aggressive behavior that narcissists tend to spew out. Also, notice if they tend to be controlling in any way. Manipulative behavior is another weapon narcissists will use to get you. Understand that narcissists only care for you in relation to who they need you to be. It’s not about you and what you need to thrive. It’s always about you in relation to them. Understand that people who genuinely care for you will show it. They won’t be manipulative, passive-aggressive or controlling. They’re the ones who will celebrate you, encourage you and love you. Work on loving yourself, and you’ll attract more people who will want to love you as well.