Having a healthy relationship requires going through some hard times, but it doesn’t involve saying hurtful things. You might have arguments with your romantic partner, but it shouldn’t cross the line into accusations. Saying harmful things to one another can interfere with your relationship and well-being.
Healthy relationships need more positivity than negativity. Each hurtful comment sticks in your partner’s brain, replaying repeatedly. The positive experiences don’t keep running through their mind, making the negative words and accusations more prevalent.
Since the negativity stays in mind much longer than anything else, you must provide comfort and support more often than not. It can offer security when arguments happen, ensuring your partner knows you still care for them. If you fill your relationship with harmful words, there won’t be a sense of comfort for them to hold onto.
Learning the phrases to avoid saying to your romantic partner can make a difference. If you can hold back these hurtful phrases and words, your partner will know you care for them, even during arguments. Your partner also shouldn’t say these things to you, as it’s up to both partners to build a healthy relationship.
Twelve Things You Should Never Say to a Romantic Partner
Even strong relationships encounter hardship. You and your romantic partner are sure to disagree and get into arguments sometimes. However, what you say during these times can make or break your relationship, and some things can cause irreparable damage.
1 – I hate you.
Telling your romantic partner that you hate them shows bitterness, and it’s incredibly hurtful. Your partner may take the comment as you regretting being with them or wishing you hadn’t spent time on the relationship.
Even if you calm down and apologize for saying it, your partner may still have doubts about how you feel. It can create trust issues and deep hostility.
2 – You never do anything for me.
This blanket statement is hurtful because it’s likely not accurate. If it is true, you wouldn’t be with your partner. Accusations like this imply that you assume your partner has no good intentions for you and your relationship.
Telling your romantic partner that they never do anything for you also downplays the efforts they’ve made. It implies that their sacrifices are meaningless, even though they assumed they were doing right by you.
Rather than using this statement when you’re angry, try something else instead. In this situation, you’re likely mad about something your romantic partner didn’t do, but don’t use a blanket statement. Instead, be clear and kind as you outline what you need of them in each situation. It helps your romantic partner understand what you need while ensuring no miscommunication and irritation.
3 – I wish I hadn’t ever met you.
This statement can cause your romantic partner to pull away from you and the relationship. It cuts deep and can cause further issues until the relationship ends. Telling them that you wish you never met them creates intense doubt.
Similarly, saying things like they were a mistake will hurt your partner the same way as telling them you wish you’d never met. The doubt it causes will continue to grow, even as time passes. It will leave your partner wondering if you ever cared about them in the first place.
4 – You have no reason to be angry.
Telling your romantic partner they’re wrong to be angry invalidates their feelings. It trivializes their emotions and can make them hide their feelings from you. In a healthy relationship, there must be communication, including hearing things you disagree with.
Rather than telling them that they are wrong to be angry, listen without judgment. Even if you disagree, it’s not okay to invalidate your partner’s feelings. Accusations that they have no reason for anger can make them feel like they can’t be honest with you.
If you believe they have no reason to be angry, wait it out, and they’ll calm down. However, if you use this phrase, your partner won’t forget it, even after they’re no longer angry.
5 – You would do it if you loved me.
This phrase is harmful, even if all you mean is that you want your partner to do something. Don’t pressure them into doing something they’re uncomfortable with. If you don’t understand why they don’t want to do something, ask what stops them from doing it. Discussing it can help you process without pressuring your partner and making them feel bad.
6 – I wish you were more like…
It hurts your romantic partner anytime you tell them you wish they were more like someone else. It creates unhealthy competition while making your partner feel threatened. This phrase can make them feel like they aren’t enough for you, even if you didn’t mean it that way. Avoid saying you wished they were like anyone else.
Additionally, don’t say you wish your relationship could be more like someone else’s. Whichever way you put it, these words can cause unnecessary emotional and mental pain.
7 – You are a little fatter than when we got together.
This phrase (or the opposite accusation–getting too thin) is a form of body shaming. It can disrupt your partner’s mental health, even if you say it as a joke. According to research, body shaming is degrading and harms their confidence.
Your partner trusts your opinion, and you don’t want to hurt them by saying something mean about their body. You might think you’re being helpful, but it does the opposite.
8 – Shut up.
This phrase can slip out of your mouth during an argument. It might be the first thing that comes to mind if you’re angry or irritated, but you should keep it inside. Telling your partner to shut up is harsh and makes it seem like they are allowed to speak their mind.
9 – I don’t care about that.
It can erode your relationship if you say that you don’t care. In a relationship, you’re the person that’s supposed to have your partner’s best interests at heart. It can create a fear of abandonment and make your partner feel like you don’t care about them.
Your partner should feel comfortable coming to you about anything. They’ll want to share it with you if they care about something. Don’t tell them you don’t care, or it can create a barrier between you.
10 – I wish our relationship could be like it was in the beginning.
People change over time, and that means relationships evolve, too. You can’t expect your relationship to stay the same when life continues to change. Wishing it stayed the same is wishful thinking, and it can make your partner think you’re not happy with them anymore.
Rather than wishing the relationship was the same, consider what you want now. It’ll help you focus on improving the situation rather than dreaming of the past.
If you want to do something you used to, be specific and say that. It’s less hurtful than saying you wish the relationship could be the same, allowing your partner to make a beneficial change.
11 – You’re acting like…
Negatively saying this phrase is a sure way to start a fight. Accusations can trigger defensiveness and lead to a lack of communication. You might think your partner acts like their mother, father, sister, or someone else when they’re angry.
However, even if you think this way, you should keep it to yourself. Rather than using this phrase, talk calmly to your partner about their behavior. Describe what they do that upsets you, making sure to say how it makes you feel, too.
12 – You are crazy.
This accusation makes your romantic partner think you question their judgment. If you say it too often, it can make them question their reasoning. It’s not good for their mental health and confidence, and it’s hurtful.
Try to understand your partner by listening to what they say and asking questions to help you grasp their thoughts. It’ll make your partner feel like you hear them without disrupting their well-being.
Oops–You Already Made One of These Accusations to the Person You Love. What Now?
Mistakes happen, and you might let some of these things slip out of your mouth during an argument. If you said any of these phrases to your partner, it’s not too late to fix it. You can repair the damage in the following ways:
- Admit your faults and acknowledge that you made a mistake.
- Apologize sincerely and in person.
- Understand that your relationship may not be the same until your partner heals from your words.
- Don’t repeat the mistake in the future.
Final Thoughts on Phrases Never to Say to a Romantic Partner
Arguments and disagreements happen, but you don’t have to worsen the situation by making hurtful statements or accusations. These are some phrases never to say to a romantic partner, but there are others. Before you say anything during an argument, think about whether it will hurt your partner.
You don’t want to hurt them or make them question your relationship. If you don’t think you can refrain from saying something hurtful, walk away until you calm down.