You had your last chance with an amazing person. But now, you finally did it. You broke the last straw, and now your partner is gone for good. There are no more second, third, or fourth chances. This was it.

Your partner was a beautiful soul and an inspirational spirit. Someone who could cause miracles with a simple smile. A person whose light shined so brightly that it illuminated all the darkness you brought into the relationship. Your partner outshined you, but instead of absorbing that illustrious light, you wanted to dim it.

This time, you did more than dim the light. You put it out. You burned the candle all the way to the last part of the wick. You cannot relight it. Your partner left, and it did not need to be that way. Now it’s time to examine where things went wrong. Only then can you put together the pieces of your life and move on.

Instead of looking at this relationship as a failure, think of it as an opportunity to reboot your life and get back on track.

Self Reflection: Why did your partner leave?

Let’s look at some of the things that might have gone sideways in your relationship. Only once you identify the issues can you make smarter decisions when you meet a new person.

1 – Did you cherish your partner?

You could have cherished your partner. You could have appreciated everything that wonderful person gave to you. Oh my…they gave you so much.

Love, peace, acceptance, kindness, understanding, and motivation are only a few of the gifts that you took for granted. Your partner gave you so much. Your partner gave and gave, and you took it all, never giving anything in return. To make it even worse, you gave it all away. Perhaps you recognize now that you tossed these gifts to the side, thinking that there would always be more.

Now you know better. There is an end for unappreciative people, and you have reached it. This is one race that you ran and came in the first place, but the prize was not a prize at all. You ran the wrong race, and now instead of winning, you are paying. You are paying big time.

How to show your next partner how much they mean to you.

Your partner wants to know that you cherish, respect, and will always protect their feelings. Keep this lesson in mind for the next time that you fall in love. Here are some ways to show your next love interest that you really do value them:

  1. Carve out time for them, even when you are very busy with work, family, or other obligations. No excuses. Your time is proof that you care.
  2. Plan special outings or dates. Think of a picnic at their favorite park, movie tickets for two in their favorite genre, or even a day trip to a local tourist site. Plan these dates according to your love’s interests–not yours.
  3. Send your new love a special text or DM for no special reason. This gesture tells them how much you treasure them.
  4. Give your new love your undivided attention. Switch off the smartphone and pay attention. Look into their eyes when they are speaking.
  5. Learn to become an attentive listener. Restate the key points of what they say to you to ensure full understanding. Mirror their gestures, so they see you are tuned into them.

2 – Did you think the grass was greener on the other side?

They say that sometimes the grass is greener on the other side, but you seemed to have skipped over the word sometimes. What you failed to realize is that you were already on the other side. Your grass was the greenest.

What was so special about that other side? What did you feel you were lacking? Was it worth losing everything? Was it worth giving up all the good times, all the special moments, and future possibilities? Now all you have left are memories and ghosts. I bet when you remember, you will see all that green grass that you previously ignored.

While some very forgiving people can forgive a cheater, most will not tolerate that behavior. Now that you learned that lesson the hard way, look inside yourself. You have a critical question to answer:

Why is it that you were not satisfied?

Here is the real question. It would help if you dug deep inside to determine why you cheated. Perhaps this amazing person was not the right one for you. When you find love again, find someone with the qualities that will keep you happy forever.

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3 – Were you incompatible with this person?

These days, it is almost impossible to find a compatible partner for a relationship. That is something your partner now realizes more than ever, thanks to you. Hopefully, you have not scarred your partner for life, and they will be open to finding the right one. After all, they deserve happiness, not the mistreatment you gave them.

But was your behavior an indicator that the two of you were really incompatible?

The next time you take a chance on love, look for someone who shares your dreams, goals, and values. While opposites might attract, it takes two people striving for a common goal to build long-lasting love. So if that’s what you really want, then compatibility becomes ever-so-important.

Signs of compatibility

Here are eight primary signs that prove someone is compatible with you:

  1. You share common hobbies or interests. Life is more fun when you have someone to explore it with!
  2. Your partner inspires you to become your best self. Indeed, you greatly care about their opinion of you.
  3. Each of you accepts the other just how you are. Trying to change someone will backfire every time.
  4. Both of you want to make plans to build a life together. You cannot imagine walking down the path without this special someone by your side.
  5. You love each other without any strings attached. Love should never be a quid pro quo scenario.
  6. You want to impress your love’s family. Family is everything, and you know, someday you’ll need that support system.
  7. Your friends and family like your significant other. When they blend into your group seamlessly, it makes life easier. Your relatives and buddies know that this is a person who is good for you, gaining them instant acceptance.
  8. Both of you also value alone time. You are secure in a compatible relationship. So you don’t fear cheating or other misconduct. This security allows you to take the time to yourself that you might need to recharge your batteries from time to time.

4 – Did you learn your lesson–and now you’re ready to move on?

If you are ready to start healing and be better, you will search within yourself to find and fix the problems. That is assuming that you have accepted the fact that you are the problem. If you had accepted this sooner, your partner might still be around. However, you did not, so it is too late to fix that relationship. Fix yourself for the future.

Yes, you have ruined things between you and your partner, but you may still be able to change for the better (assuming you want to). This is not “another chance” with that person because those are over.

Think of this opportunity as a remaking of yourself–a reboot, if you will. You are alone now, so you can start from the ground and become a whole new you. It would be best if you start by practicing being grateful for all the blessings in your life. Gratitude makes you happier, which fosters an appreciation for those you cherish.

Remember that people are not your doormat. Treat them kindly and with respect. Treating others well helps you remember that people have feelings, and it acknowledges that their feelings are important. Finally, treating others well will make you better for the next person.

Final Thoughts on Losing Your Special Person–and the Chance to Reboot

You probably never thought you would feel this way when they left. You thought it would be no big deal and that they would come running back like always. This time, you got it all wrong. Your partner has had enough, and the relationship is over.

It is a tough fact to accept. Yes, it hurts like a broken bone, and it is a wound that may never fully heal. But you do really regret your role in this. So you will take the steps you need to take to do better in the future.

So move on. But learn from your mistakes. You will do better the next time you find love. Perhaps when you are lucky enough or blessed enough to find another, you will learn from your mistakes and treat them much better. That newfound positivity and awareness of your mistakes will help you build a better relationship in the future.