Life never seems to go as planned, and it’s not uncommon for you to have a pity-party and feel sorry for yourself at times. You have the best of intentions on many things, but still, you cannot predict the mistakes or failures you will make in life. When things don’t go well, you become crushed, defeated, and you engage in self-pity.
What’s scary is that self-pity is as dangerous and as destructive as narcotics. Did you know that it’s a very addicting emotion that not only brings you a moment of pleasure, but it also can separate you from reality? However, you must know that this is very normal to feel this way when your world is turned upside down.
The key is that you cannot allow yourself to be stuck in this place for too long. Some people enjoy the attention they get when they are wallowing in despair. They love hugs, gifts, and well-wishes from friends and family.
If you want to get better, then you must recognize that you are addicted to the way pity makes you feel. No matter how hard it is and how bad you think, you must be positive.
Why You Should Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself
You should know that feeling sorry for yourself is a natural human emotion that you will feel at various points in life. The problem comes into play when it consumes you, and you enjoy the attention that you get from this feeling. Remember, your pity-party also comes with exaggeration and some embellishments when you retell the story to others.
It’s also normal to amplify the little misfortune that occurred to make it grander than what it was. If you’re not careful, the deep sense of being helpless and hopeless will entangle itself around the fibers of your being. You may start to feel as if you are misunderstood and that people don’t appreciate you. All those doubts come rushing to you, and it’s hard even to feel loved.
Self-destructive thinking can destroy your esteem. You will become so wrapped up in the problems that you dig a big black hole to live in. Suddenly, you will feel a sense of entitlement as a victim, and you will begin to think that everyone else has a better life than you.
The rabbit hole of negative thinking
Negative thinking will get you nowhere, and you must be positive no matter how much you feel sorry for yourself. It would help if you used all this energy to turn the bad experience into something useful, like a test into a testimony.
Take time to reflect on what has happened, but use your story to help someone else. Do you think you’re the only one that’s ever had trouble in life? Someone else is struggling right now with the same things as you.
It’s what you do during these times of adversity that counts. Stop wasting valuable time being unproductive and use this as a time to grow and change.
Seven Steps to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Did you know that feeling self-pity can give you a slight dopamine rush to make you feel good? When you moan, complain, and sigh loudly, it’s very addicting. Sadly, the euphoria you feel will only last a few minutes, but you will continue to act this way because it feels good.
The problem is you’ve never learned how to express your emotions adequately. So, you need some positive ways to help you deal with the things that burden you. Here are some steps you should try to help stop feeling sorry for yourself.
1. Learn to Breathe
It’s essential to calm your mind and body when you feel all those thoughts of self-pity come creeping inside. The easiest way to do this is to sit in a comfortable place with your eyes closed. You want to take deep breaths in through your nose and hold them for about 5-6 seconds, then release them through your mouth.
Try to keep your thoughts focused on positive things, which will be hard to control at first. Setting a timer will help you to ensure that you do this for two minutes. It will appear that breathing is an insignificant way to control self-pity, but this exercise can help you to relax your mind.
According to psychological research, rhythmic breathing allows you to focus and clear out negativity.
2. Embrace Feelings of Gratitude
Are you thankful for all the things you have, or do you always compare yourself with others? The Universe has blessed you with many things, though you may not drive that fancy sport’s car you want.
When you learn to have a heart of gratitude, then you will be entrusted with more. Stop feeling sorry for the things you don’t have and be thankful for what you do possess.
3. Incorporate Optimism
You’ve probably heard the wise saying about whether you see the glass as half empty or half full. While it’s overly used, it does well to prove a point. It would help if you found ways every day to incorporate optimism into your life.
What’s the number one thing that you grumble about each day? Is it the overflowing trash can that vexes you or the dishes that pile up quickly in the sink? Rather than look at these things as chores, look at the blessings. Those dirty dishes meant that you had food to eat, and the overflowing trash can imply that you’ve been blessed with items too.
When you change your outlook on the little things, it will help you incorporate stuff on a more significant level.
4. Accept the Feeling
When you feel yourself wanting to wallow in your self-pity a bit, you should embrace the feeling and move on. Research suggests that it is better to allow yourself 5-10 minutes to feel sorry for yourself and then cut it off. Don’t allow yourself to make a habit of these feelings. Accept what you think and move on.
5. Reach Out to Others
When you feel overwhelmed by life and the circumstances around you, you must reach out to your support group. You may have family, friends, or a counselor that can help you with the events in your life.
Like death, divorce, and job loss, some things are more challenging to fend off than other things. If you’re going through some serious times, then don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
6. Get off Social Media
Nothing is worse than seeing everyone else’s life seem so perfect when yours is not going so well. Social media has created a façade of people that appear to be perfect, but what you see is far from reality.
When you are down and out, don’t look to social media to boost your spirits. The negative news and downright garbage on these channels can make you feel worse.
7. Set Realistic Daily Goals
If you can’t seem to lift your head up from the pity-party you’re having, then you need to set small, daily goals that you can obtain. For instance, rather than having a target to quit these feelings cold turkey, why not set daily goals.
For instance, you can say things like, “I will name five things I am thankful for when I get out of bed each day.” Gratitude is a small first step that can mean everything in changing your outlook. Maybe you can’t stop crying.
When you feel the tears forming in your eyes, perhaps it would be an excellent time to turn on one of your favorite comedians or watch a funny video clip. Find effective coping mechanisms that work for you and your situation.
Perhaps one reason you feel sorry for yourself and are not willing to change your views is that you have lost faith. Maybe you don’t think you have what it takes to make changes, or perhaps you don’t trust the world around you anymore.
There is so much negative around the world that you can easily get caught up in all the pessimism. You must surround yourself with people who help to lift you rather than tearing you down. You want those around you that have a zeal for life and seem not to let anything that comes their way get them down.