Are you a guy who complains because you don’t have a love life? If you dig a little deeper into why some men remain a party of one, the real reason might be fear. How many dates have you been on in the last six months? Serial dating in the quest for that perfect partner becomes exhausting!
If you can easily rattle off those numbers, something under the surface hinders you from meeting the partner of your dreams. When you don’t go out on dates very often, it’s hard to get into a groove and figure out what works. The fear of the unknown can be crippling if you allow it to be, but like driving a car, practice makes perfect.
You’re undoubtedly a good guy that any woman would be proud to have on her arm. The real problem is you’re afraid. The biggest fear is rejection, but it’s not the only thing you worry about with women.
NOTE: We acknowledge that some women also fear dating. Because their reasons vary slightly from the guys, we share them in a separate article.
Thirteen Top Fears in Dating
The fear of dating, though not an actual medical condition, can be devastating. While your doctor won’t diagnose you with this issue, they might find an underlying anxiety disorder. A little bit of angst in these situations is warranted, but if anxiety is overpowering your life and causing you to live reclusively, it becomes a problem.
Anxiety causes a sense of impending doom or unrealistic fears, which can be why you’re not going out as much as you should. Here are the top worries of why men avoid dating.
1. Small Talk is Challenging on a Date
Once you’re on a date, there’s a lot of pressure to talk and interact with the other person. Will you say the right thing, or will there be an awkward silence where you want to hide under the table? Guys aren’t usually as good with small talk as women, but if you want to go out on the town, it’s a skill you need to polish.
2. The Ex May Reappear After You Start Dating
Everything is going well, and you’ve met the woman of your dreams, but suddenly, an ex that you thought was long gone has come back into her life. If this man is a person she talks about all the time, the concern is that he will return and take her away from you.
Some ex-lovers have a powerful hold on the heart long after they’re gone. So, the thought of this person returning after you’ve settled into a cozy routine is unnerving.
3. You’re Too Strapped for Cash to Date
Ladies don’t worry as much about the cost of the date as men do. As a man, you feel compelled to pay for the meal. You might have all these thoughts running through your mind about your credit card being declined or her ordering something you can’t afford.
While these are probably unrealistic fears, they’re still ones you must overcome. If one date turns into two and so on, can you take her out and accommodate her taste? Will going out too much buy you a one-way ticket to bankruptcy court?
4. You Lack a Sense of Humor – Or Have One That’s Quirky
Some guys love to tell jokes, and some women will appreciate the humor. However, what happens if she doesn’t laugh when you tell a riddle, and she looks at you like you’re strange? The fear of her not liking your personality or those eccentric little jokes you tell is real.
The flip side is that the right person for you will get all your little quirks, and she will love you for them. You connect with your soul mate on a deeper level, so she overlooks so much and sees straight to your heart. Consequently, you might only find her if you overcome some of these fears and get out there and start mingling.
5. You Don’t Know How to Ask Someone Out
So, you are attracted to someone, but you’re unsure how they feel about you. If you ask her out and she turns you down, you will feel like a failure. However, if she says yes, you might have a date with the woman of your dreams.
There’s a lot of anxiety about the initial invitation, as the fear of rejection can make you freeze. Things can get so bad that you can develop anthropophobia, which is the official term for fearing rejection till it becomes a chronic condition. According to the Cleveland Clinic, this is not an official diagnosis, but it usually occurs alongside social anxiety.
If you fear being in public places and with people, it might hold you back if you don’t get treatment.
6. Fear of a Humiliating Dating Experience
Anxiety causes all sorts of things to run through your mind that isn’t true. You may fear falling walking into the restaurant, or you’re afraid that you might leave your wallet at home. Anxiety can put all sorts of things into your head that make you paralyzed for no good reason. You want to go on a date and kiss her so badly, but letting your fears overrule you will destroy the possibility of having a good time.
7. You Have No Time to Date
Some guys don’t want to start anything because they fear they won’t have time. You might have no issues asking her on a date, and you’re not worried about her liking you. What you’re most fearful about is that she will leave you because you don’t have sufficient time to spend with her.
Work and responsibilities do take up a big part of your life. However, there’s an old saying that states that you make time for the things that are important to you.
8. You’re Afraid of Being a Fashion Don’t
While you probably think of women as the people who worry about their attire, guys are just as concerned. You may fear having the right clothes or style for dating.
You don’t want to be laughed at on a date so you may avoid them altogether. If you have feelings for someone but think she is out of your league, you might be fearful she won’t like you because of your clothes. You’ve dodged a bullet if that’s her reason for not liking you. No one wants someone so shallow that they are only interested in you for your style or the clothes on your back.
9. Getting Ditched Would Crush You
What happens if you’re into her, but she isn’t into you? Unrequited love and being stuck in the friend zone is not a good place to be. You’re terrified you will fall in love with her, but she won’t feel the same, and you would rather avoid the heartache.
10. Afraid You Can’t Please Her
Some ladies are picky, and you might need help measuring up. Asking someone out is a challenge but trying to please them seems impossible. You might be worried that you don’t have enough money, aren’t good enough in the romance department, and lack what she needs. Stay calm about all the things that can go wrong, as you might miss an opportunity to find someone who completes you.
11. Apprehensive of Commitments
Commitment is a huge issue for some guys, especially if they have past experiences that shed a negative light on the situation. If you’ve watched your parents struggle through a turbulent marriage, it’s only natural that you would be apprehensive. You can protect your heart by not getting involved, or so you think.
Another common issue is that you’ve been hurt in the past. Once you’ve had your heart broken, it’s challenging to move forward with the baggage you carry. You don’t want to be alone, so you must get out and date. Letting go of these apprehensions and preconceived notions about relationships is something therapy can help you overcome.
12. Toxic Women Irritate You
Some ladies are eager to express dissatisfaction with the men they’re dating. If a woman doesn’t see you as her equal, it can make for a toxic situation. Overall, men are turning away from women who aren’t focused on equality as much and have a negative view of men.
These feelings likely come from abuse or other trauma in their past, but you’re afraid to get yourself in a situation where you’re made to feel less than her.
13. You Don’t Know What You Want From Dating
Some guys are looking for a person to settle down with and start a family. Other guys want a one-night stand and a tussle between the sheets. However, you are still determining what you want as far as love is concerned.
The thought of marriage and forever sounds too big, but you know you want something more than a one-night ordeal. You may not be stepping out there because you’re scared and don’t know what is right.
Final Thoughts on Men Being Afraid to Date
You don’t want to spend all your days and nights alone. While it’s better to fly solo than to be with someone who makes you miserable, you know there’s a soul mate out there looking for you. Having a great partner makes the holidays brighter and vacations grander, and it’s comforting knowing that there’s someone there for you when the chips are down.
While overcoming the fear of asking someone out and dating is challenging, it becomes easier with time. You’ll find a groove and a type of lady that attracts you, and you may find that you’re happier than you ever dreamed possible.