A manipulative partner uses several techniques to confuse, persuade and change the perception of their mate. They can employ charming tactics, abuse or deception to control your thoughts. It is a form of social influence used to make you conform and accept behavior that goes against your personal belief system.
Manipulators take advantage of your weaknesses and exploit kindness. They are experts at emotional abuse and are only concerned with having their needs met. Besides playing mind games, manipulators can physically harm victims to get what they want.
Here are 12 coping tips for girls dealing with a manipulative boyfriend:
1. Avoid Blaming Yourself
Do not take responsibility or feel down about your boyfriend’s behavior. He knows his actions are harming you, and he is trying to make you inadequate on purpose. Take control over your feelings and read self-help books on how to handle the situation. Recognize your place in the relationship and take responsibility if you are enabling the manipulation.
2. Place the Focus on Them
When your mate asks you to do something disagreeable, ask him questions. Find out why he wants you to follow his demands.
3. Say No
Just saying no firmly gets your point across and allows you to stand up for yourself. It also lets him know that you are not happy with what he is asking you. Even though it is difficult, you must be assertive without guilt when dealing with a manipulator.
4. Tips on Saying No
• Say no quickly with a brief explanation and refrain from going on and on.
• Trust your intuition, remind yourself of the opportunity of the cost and provide an alternative.
• Tell your partner that you are not comfortable with what he is asking.
5. Create Boundaries
At the beginning of the relationship, inform your partner of what is expected of him and explain your needs. Do not wait until you are already midway to alert him of unacceptable behavior. Tell your mate that you are not getting what you need from him on a physical, emotional, mental or spiritual level when necessary.
5. Recognize Mental Illness
Manipulators typically have much deeper emotional issues, and you may be unaware of a hidden psychological issue. If you believe your mate has mental issues, suggest that he gets treatment.
6. Do Not Excuse His Behavior
When your boyfriend engages in manipulative behavior, do not ignore how it makes you feel. Act as soon as it happens and confront him. Deal with it and do not wait until later. Holding off will give him the chance to play with your emotions later.
7. Evaluate the Relationship
Use the seven dimensions to evaluate the relationship and determine if it is worth pursuing. This test consists of seven questions for couples to answer on a scale of 0 to 4. A high score symbolizes a growing relationship. A lower score means there are problems and work needs to be done.
8. Be Assertive
When your partner is being manipulative, identify his behavior immediately and mentally prepare yourself to confront him without emotion. You should also evaluate the situation, state your question and get your point across without yelling.
9. Talk to Your Partner
If you want to continue the relationship with your boyfriend, talk to him about your concerns. Tell him how you feel about his manipulative behavior and ask if he is willing to change.
10. Build Self Esteem
Low self esteem can cause feelings of hopelessness, hating yourself and worrying. A manipulative boyfriend will only make you feel worse. Work on building your confidence by avoiding negative self-talk, becoming assertive and focusing on your positive assets.
11. Love Yourself
Besides changing your outlook out on life, learning to love yourself can disarm your manipulator. Take steps to develop self-love. Begin to face your inner obstacles, work on healing your past and forgive old hurts, which can help immensely.
12. Talk to Friends
Discuss your situation with your friends and ask them their opinions. Sometimes getting another point of view can help with identifying manipulative behavior.
Your boyfriend may also have a psychological condition. Manipulators can suffer from borderline personality disorder, a mental illness that inhibits a person’s capacity to handle his emotions. They tend to have negative personalities and impulsive behaviors. Their emotional outbursts can be violent and lead to physical abuse.
Narcissism is another mental illness to consider when dealing with a manipulative partner. A narcissist feels entitled to take advantage of your feelings without regard. They are oversensitive and are prone to outbursts of anger and irritability as well.