Do you feel as if you and your partner need to renew that old spark? It’s not uncommon for couples to feel they need to bring love back into their partnership as time passes.
We often think (mistakenly) that loving someone is easy. Relationships seem simple when we see them on TV or in movies. Romantic couples appear to forgive one another after a fight quickly. And, even the arguments that we view are relatively minor.
However, in reality, loving someone takes work and commitment. This fact is especially true in long-term relationships, such as marriages. Over time, we take this romance for granted as it gets lost in the rest of our daily responsibilities.
We stop showing love to our partner and, in return, begin receiving less love from them. This disconnect ultimately breaks down the relationship. If we let things continue this way, who we once thought was our soulmate starts feeling like a roommate.
But, on the bright side, you can prevent this from happening! With self-discipline and positive thinking, you can bring love back into your relationship. Here are a few simple tips that you can get that relationship spark again.
THE 7 WAYS TO BRING LOVE BACK INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu
Early relationships are filled with pet names, from the typical “honey” and “sweetheart” to more creative ones. As time goes on, you and your partner may begin addressing one another by your first names. When this shift happens, you and your partner will notice a sudden decrease in the amount of love in the relationship.
No matter how much you might have disliked these nicknames, there is something inherently loving about using and hearing them. If you are averse to the usual pet names, come up with your own! This practice brings curiosity back into your relationship. Plus, it brings love back by helping you and your partner feel more uniquely cared about.
2. REMEMBER THEY DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING
When you do something kind for another human being, it’s natural to expect at least a little reimbursement. That’s because there will always be a part of us that is somewhat selfish. But you don’t want to do this with your partner!
Therefore, don’t expect your partner to give you anything in return for your “good deed.” If you want to cook them dinner, for example, do it because you love them. Don’t do it because you expect them to do the dishes afterward.
Feeling as if you owe something to someone is a horrible experience. In fact, studies show that financial indebtedness leads to more thoughts of suicide and depression.
Whether you mean to do it or not, your partner will know when you expect reimbursement. And they will feel miserable about it. Mainly if it keeps happening over time. So, do both of you a favor, and only do things because you want to.
3. SPICE UP THE INTIMACY TO BRING LOVE BACK
In a relationship, physical intimacy isn’t everything. Everyone knows that great relationships are built on foundations much stronger than affection alone. But that still doesn’t mean intimacy is nothing. When it comes to your time in the bedroom, you want to be having fun with your partner.
Intimacy is an excellent way of reminding your partner how much you care for them. And showing them that everything is alright without using words. Yet, many people don’t take much initiative when it comes to bringing romance to the bedroom.
To combat this, try small things, like lighting some candles or playing soft music. Plus, make sure that you are the one to initiate any intimacy. This isn’t to say that you should always initiate. But, on the other hand, if you never begin and always leave intimacy up to your partner, they will eventually feel like you aren’t interested.
Also, it’s important to remember that inferior intimacy in relationships has wide-reaching effects. Mothers, in particular, are more prone to depressive symptoms when they have less intimate relationship quality. This changes how they raise their child and affects child development and family functioning.
4. REMEMBER DATE NIGHTS
Dating can be nerve-wracking. That is until you find the right person that just makes dates full of joy and fun. As you begin a new relationship with this person, date nights usually continue. For a time, anyway.
With time, you and your partner have likely decreased the number of dates you go on. Most commonly, this happens when people become parents because they are much more caught up in caring for their children than for their spouse.
If you’ve been together long enough and are committed enough to have children, you probably think that you don’t need date nights anymore. This isn’t the case. Research shows that people feel less stress and more happiness when they spend time with a spouse or partner.
Regardless of how long you’ve been together, remember that date nights are always important. Make a note of upcoming date nights in your calendar, if you need to. They don’t have to be significant. Nor do they have to require tons of effort. But they remind you and your partner of love in your relationship.
5. KEEP THE PAST IN THE PAST
This point is a bit of a broad statement, but it’s essential nonetheless. Don’t be high-strung about your significant other’s past romantic interests. And don’t hold a grudge over the little thing your partner did wrong five years ago. What’s important is the present.
Your partner is with you now, that’s what matters!
In the same vein, let go of your own past. Maybe you were hurt by a former significant other. That doesn’t mean you should be scared of falling in love because of that. Or that you can’t trust anyone, ever.
Your past does not define you any more than your partner’s past defines them. The sooner you forget about the past, the more love you can give and receive.
As you move on from the past, though, don’t forget about your current relationship history. Every once in awhile, revisit memories from your relationship. For instance, look at old photos or listen to old songs. This rush of memories brings love back by reminding you why you fell in love with your partner.
6. DON’T PROJECT YOUR FEARS
This point is related to letting your past go. Unfortunately, your fears of abandonment may linger after you’ve left the past behind. These fears inevitably result in you thinking that your partner doesn’t love you. You may even feel that they are cheating on you.
These thoughts are projection! You are projecting your personal fears onto your partner. And it’s changing how you act toward them. You become more jealous of your partner and start distrusting them more and more.
Recognizing that these fears are not based in reality gives you the chance to show your love correctly. It doesn’t mean that you are blind to toxic behaviors. Instead, it’s protection against the adverse effects that unnecessary anxiety and fear have on your relationship.
Once you overcome your personal fears, your ability to truly open up to your partner gets so much better. As a result, you will enjoy a happier, healthier relationship full of love.
7. BE OBSERVANT
Compared to everyone else, you know your partner best. Given how much time you spend together with them, you know what makes them happy. You also understand what makes them upset or angry.
This knowledge means you can watch for the signs that your partner is upset. Pay close attention to small changes that indicate your significant other is emotionally unfulfilled. For instance, your partner may start acting distant. Or they begin experiencing mood swings or avoid spending time together.
Spotting these signs gives you the opportunity to fix the problem before it gets worse. Talk with your partner and ask how they are feeling. Then, carefully listen to their answer. If the issue is something you can, and want to change, then start the process now. This lets you bring love back into your relationship since you’ll know precisely where love was lost.
Plus, being more observant has plenty of benefits outside your romantic relationship. While it certainly helps bring love back into your partnership, it also helps with everything from noticing when someone is attracted to you to spotting your child’s natural talent.
Relationships aren’t all diamonds and pearls. They are hard work and require conscious effort from both people involved. But, once you know how good relationships can be, you can always make them work.
The key is training your brain. Instead of getting sucked into a vortex of negativity, think about things positively. Show love to your partner as often as you can, and, soon enough, you’ll start getting the fulfillment you crave.
It is possible to bring love back into a relationship. You just have to put in the work. Once you do, the joy of rediscovering those feelings will be like nothing you’ve felt before.