Now that you’ve found your one true love (read our article 10 Signs You’ve Found a Keeper to be sure), you want to make sure that you stay deeply connected and in love with your partner for as long as possible.
The Gottman Relationships Research Institute says that deep, intimate connections between couples are created ‘through hundreds of very ordinary, mundane moments in which they attempt to make emotional connections.’ These mundane moments are usually conversational ones in which one partner attempts to gain the attention of the other.
This research reinforces other studies by the Gottman Relationships Research Institute. Turning toward your partner when they are asking for your attention is one of the fundamental keys for relationship success. It makes a difference between demonstrating care for your spouse by giving them your attention versus disregarding them. Your partner’s internal emotional state is at stake when it’s your turn to listen.
In this article, we examine 5 habits of couples who share a deep connection with each other.
5 Habits of Deeply Connected Couples
1. Continuously learning about the other person
You can never really know another person, no matter how long you’ve been together. There will always be memories that your partner has that you cannot know. But you can get to know your partner more by asking deep questions.
Here are a few questions to ask your partner to get to know them more deeply:
* What was your first experience with the death of a pet or loved one?
* What was the happiest/saddest/most frightening moment of your childhood?
* Where would you be and what would you be doing if you never met me?
* Why do you believe what you believe?
* Who has been the most important influence on your life?
* What are your personal goals for this year and how can I help you achieve them?
* How can I be a better partner to you?
2. Sharing intimate knowledge of yourself
Invite your partner to learn about your personal, private aspects of yourself. Intimate knowledge shared with a partner can include ‘shared secrets, interpersonal rituals, bodily information, awareness of personal vulnerability and shared memory of embarrassing situations.’
Deeply connected partners have a shared language of endearments for each other, or special ways of touching each other that convey meaning or give pleasure to the other. Inside jokes, pet names, and playful teasing are ways that couples connect to each other on an intimate level.
3. Positive interactions
Communication is a very important two-way street. In our article 5 Little Things That Will Improve Your Relationship, we mentioned two important parts of daily couple interaction – listening and play. Listening is a gift that you give to your partner when you are fully available to hear their words and the emotion behind it. Play is a choice that you make to have fun with your partner.
Both listening and play contribute to deeply connected couplehood. Imagine yourself not only being heard and understood on a meaningful level, but also having fun while that interaction took place with your partner. You would feel happy, loved, and supported.
Active listening is a lost art. Rather than giving your partner half of your attention, face them and listen intently to what they are saying. This is your beloved speaking to you. Treat them with the compassion that you also deserve.
Deeply connected couples spread joy as often as possible to their partner. In a study of relationship health and longevity by the Gottman Relationships Research Institute, researchers found that the use of humor or affection during conflict was essential to the health of the relationship.
4. Shared philosophy
In our article 5 Signs You’re in a Spiritually Intimate Relationship, we talked about sharing the same outlook on life. You and your partner have a shared story about what is important to you. When you tell others about your relationship, you talk in terms of ideas, values, goals and how you knew you were right for each other rather than your individual personality traits.
Deeply connected couples know that each person is capable of change over their lifetimes. What rarely changes about a person are their deeply-held core beliefs. Deeply connected couples share these beliefs, morals and values, which enhances the depth their relationship because they connect to each other on a meaningful level.
5. Reinforced commitment
Trust is one of the most important factors for deeply connected couples. Connected partners take every opportunity to demonstrate to their spouse that they will protect their feelings. This demonstration of trust deepens their commitment to each other.
Betrayal is not in the language of committed couples. Each partner protects the boundaries of the other person. By keeping their partner’s intimate details secret, they demonstrate trust to their partner.
Deeply connected couples see every interaction with another person as an opportunity to betray or protect their partner, and they always choose to protect their other half.
Trust is not always about monogamy. Deeply connected couples show their care for their partner’s heart by refraining from paying extra attention to someone that their partner might see as a romantic rival.