Arguments are normal in a relationship. It can even be healthy. It shows that you want to solve problems, that you communicate more, and that you want to put in the effort to stick together.
But when does an argument become a surefire sign of the end? When is fighting more negative than positive? You need to be aware of destructive disagreements that aren’t doing you any favors.
Here Are 10 Arguments That Signal The End Of A Relationship
1. Arguments Over Life Goals
A long-term relationship usually involves two people who both respect each other’s goals and desire similar things out of life. In committed relationships, a couple has usually already discussed where their lives together are heading. They have a general idea of where they want to be, and that future always includes each other.
But suddenly, you’re starting to fight over your life goals. Your ambitions don’t seem to match up anymore. You find yourself wondering if you even can still see your partner in your future ten years ahead. If those goals don’t align anymore, you may no longer be compatible. Some affected goals may be:
- Where you want to live or work
- Whether you want children, and how many
- Religious or spiritual beliefs
- Financial management
- Lifestyle goals
Long-term couples don’t need to have everything in common when it comes to their future plans – but they should share a similar overview or idea of where they’re going. No amount of positive thinking will help you if you spend ten more years with someone, only to find that you reach an impasse after you’ve sacrificed so much to give in to their goals. (1)
2. When You Argue Over Intimacy
Many people discount the influence of intimacy over the health of a relationship. But since good intimacy is often about good communication, if your bond is breaking down outside of the bedroom, it won’t be long until it falls apart within the bedroom, too.
It’s not unusual for partners to have different interests, kinks, preferences, and libido levels when it comes to intimacy. But when you start to argue about your differences in the bedroom, you’re heading right for Splitsville. This also indicates that at least one of you is unsatisfied physically, which is not healthy and can cause romantic relationships to feel platonic.
Intimacy should come naturally. Neither partner should feel forced or guilty regarding what goes on – or doesn’t go on – in the bedroom. If you begin finding fault with each other’s bedroom habits, you are no longer physically compatible.
Physical communication is just as important as verbal communication. If you find yourselves stuttering and struggling in bed, you may have overlooked some serious relationship problems everywhere else.
The way you fight can also be an indication that the end is nigh for a romantic relationship. Certain patterns of arguments, regardless of what they’re actually about, can be a big sign that it’s time to call it quits. Here are some examples.
a) Fighting Badly
Do your fights turn extremely unhealthy, to the point where you deviate from the topic at hand and start calling each other names, giving personal punches, or bringing up unrelated things from the past? You’re fighting in a toxic way and your respect for each other is slipping.
b) Fighting About Fighting
Do you have a problem with your partner’s tone of voice when you argue? Or maybe they find it annoying that you pace a lot? Do you argue because you shouldn’t be arguing? This type of fighting indicates that you are no longer focused on finding the really important issues. Instead, you’re finding fault in everything.
c) Picking A Fight
Some couples actively try to pick fights with one another. Often, it’s a cry for attention, or a way of seeking a change in a boring relationship, or a way to coax make-up intimacy or passion out of it.
Instead of picking fights, you should be talking about the things you want. If passive aggression and manipulation are how you’ve both decided to get it, your outlook is not so good.
d) Fighting For The Sake Of Fighting
Something small you don’t like that isn’t a big deal? Fight anyway. An offhand comment that could have been resolved with gentle communication? Fight anyway. If this describes your relationship, you’re heading down a dangerous path.
4. When All Of The Arguments Focus On One Person Changing For The Other
Self-improvement is fair game. Change is inevitable. But fighting about the fact that one of you needs to change is a very negative thing.
Are you being pushed to change yourself for your partner, or are you pushing them to change for you? That doesn’t bode well. When you first started dating your partner, you did it because you like who they are – so why are all those positive things not enough anymore?
If your partner is doing something bad or destructive, then you can talk to them about it. But at the end of the day, it is their responsibility to improve themselves, and you pushing them to improve more quickly is counterproductive.
5. When Your Focus Is On Being In The Right Or Winning
Arguments in a relationship shouldn’t be about winning or coming out on top. Instead, they should focus on solving the problem. It should be about the couple versus the issue at hand, not one partner versus the other.
The most important part of an argument is finding the root and working from there. If you’re more focused on getting the last word or winning, your arguments stop being about what matters and start being about pettiness and hostility.
Sometimes, you’re going to be the one at fault. In that situation, instead of being defensive, you should be apologizing and learning how to avoid a future situation. If you and your partner are incapable of admitting when you’re wrong, the relationship isn’t going to last much longer.
6. When You Argue Over Money
Money can be a bit of a touchy issue. Long-term relationships need to learn how to go from managing personal finances to managing joint finances. As such, it’s not uncommon for arguments regarding money to ensue.
The trouble begins when it’s impossible for either of you to agree on anything finance-related at all. You may disagree on the right ways to:
Sometimes, the person who earns more in a relationship can act more controlling over finances as well. Or the person who earns less may be insecure about their financial status and act controlling, too.
Whatever the source of the money argument, if you don’t sort out your money issues, the relationship is doomed to fail. Studies indicate that an inability to discuss finances in a positive way leads to a higher risk of divorce among married couples. (2)
7. When You Become Unable To See Their Point Of View
A relationship consists of two (or more!) different people. Each person is unique and has their own individual ideas, views, opinions, and values. They respond to things differently. They have varying preferences. A relationship requires mutual respect regarding these differences.
When you stop being able to empathize with your partner, the relationship is heading for an end. So, in the middle of a fight, if all you can think about is how what they’re saying doesn’t make sense and shouldn’t be taken into consideration, you’re running an unhealthy ship.
8. Frequency of Arguments
How often do you fight? Extreme frequencies can indicate the end of a relationship. The two possibilities are as follows.
a) Not Fighting At All
Sure, fighting is unpleasant. But what happens when those fights suddenly stop completely, even when there are things that you would normally fight about? This indicates that something is wrong. It’s avoidance, plain and simple – and avoidance is a big relationship-killer.