Many television shows and movies have shown what it’s like to be involved with a crazy partner. Flicks like Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Fatal Attraction come to mind. These shows portray an unhealed woman who undoubtedly has some underlying mental health disorder fueling her destructive behavior.
Some people are a walking disaster, and their unhealthy traits affect friends and lovers. The sad fact is that many of these women don’t know how out of line they are with their relationships, yet they probably don’t realize why they’re so unlucky in love. The brokenness inside this broken person makes them drawn to people who will use and abuse them, which worsens matters.
If you’re dating someone like this, or perhaps you feel you are such a woman, you should know there are things you can do to stop these negative behavioral patterns. Although unfortunately, most hurting people don’t realize they’re unhealthy until they come face-to-face with the gravity of their actions.
NOTE: Ladies, please don’t feel like anyone’s singling you out–we have a second article on the traits of an unhealed man, as well!
Fifteen Behaviors of The Unhealed Woman
Whether you want to avoid this person or get her help, you need to know what classifies someone as unwell. Here are 15 key behaviors that indicate someone has some underlying issues that need to be addressed.
Her thoughts are troubling, and she doesn’t know how to vocalize what’s going on inside her mind. She can escalate a situation until it’s blown out of proportion inside her head. She doesn’t even need to open her mouth.
Her mind lives in constant angst, and she always has something going on. It’s troubling to try to reason with someone who lives in a fictitious world, as she’s created this realm for her security.
2. She Equates A Romantic Relationship with Happiness
The unhealed woman believes that having a man and being in a relationship equals happiness. She will hook up with anyone just so that she isn’t alone.
She believes that having the right man on her arm will bring her the happiness she deserves. Sadly, it usually just causes more problems. This is because happiness comes from within and is not something anyone else can provide.
3. She Overreacts to The Smallest Things
She makes mountains out of molehills. This behavior occurs because her anxiety is on overdrive. She will overreact to what you think is something insignificant. The things going on inside her mind and the trauma that happened to her in the past dictate her responses.
The constant upheaval has almost become a comfort zone because she doesn’t know a life that is any other way.
4. She Believes Love Will Save Her
She is looking for the prince to show up on a white horse and save her from herself. This lady believes in fairy tales and often lives in a fantasy world. She expects her romance to be as stunning as those from famous movies.
If things aren’t going the way, she feels they should. She picks and badgering for change. Her perceptions are delusional, and her expectations unrealistic. She will put demands on you that there’s no way you can meet.
5. She Has Poor Boundaries
Boundaries are something the unhealed woman doesn’t do well. She doesn’t mind stepping over those lines because she feels entitled. Forget having a sense of privacy or trying to keep things from her; she will turn into a mad detective and sniff out anything you hide.
You may feel that you have to account for every move you make, but remember that her insecurities make her so overbearing. The unhealed woman is afraid you will leave her, which many others have likely done.
6. She Drowns in Her Desire to Please Others
She equates her worth by pleasing others. A unhealed woman will lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate to have you think she is worthy of you. She wants to please you so much that she’s forgotten what she truly needs in a relationship.
7. She’s Extremely Insecure
Her insecurities take center stage in your relationship. For example, she may ask you 50 times if you like the dress she’s wearing as she’s afraid it might make her look plump. She needs your constant affirmations to make her feel that she’s okay, and if you cannot provide these to her, then her mood can turn on a dime.
Like calls to like, or so the old proverb says. She, no doubt, has been unlucky in love because of the choices she’s made. She’s often attracted to the bad boy who lives on the edge and has had a few run-ins with the law.
9. She Never Learns from Her Mistakes
She’s the kind that touched the stove even when her mama told her not to. She does the same things over and over because she never seems to learn anything from her mistakes. She will mess you up and make your life crazy, as you will forever be cleaning up her messes.
10. She Needs Lots of Attention
Being in a relationship with this woman, romantic or otherwise, can feel like a chore. She clings to you tighter than a cat in a thunderstorm. She needs your undivided attention 24×7, and she’s not afraid to monopolize your time.
Be careful when dealing with attention seekers, as they will create drama and situations to be in your life. She’s probably lived in so much drama in her life that she doesn’t know how to live without it.
11. She’s Always Trying to Fix Things
It may drive you crazy, but she tries to fix everyone around her. But, again, you must realize that her lifestyle of chaos has created an atmosphere where she constantly feels compelled to make changes. As a result, she may be overly critical and try to make you change things about you that don’t suit her.
12. She’s Regularly Playing the Victim
Have you noticed that she always plays the victim? It doesn’t matter what happens to her or who’s on the other side; she is always guilt-free in the matter. She’s played the victim so well that she’s even begun to believe it herself.
This manipulative tactic has become a part of her identity. You may feel like you need to be her savior, but don’t get sucked into the drama. You can listen, but you need to set firm boundaries on how far you will go with her and her constant problems.
13. She’s Easily Jealous
Having friends or a relationship with someone other than her is problematic. She is extremely jealous of your other friends or even a lover. She wants to be the center of your world and doesn’t take too lightly to other people interrupting your time with her.
According to the National Library of Medicine, most domestic violence cases start because of jealousy. Don’t think just because she’s a woman that she won’t turn violent if she feels her position is threatened.
14. She Micromanages Your Life
You feel like your life is not your own when she is around. She micromanages every aspect of your day and is willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that she knows your every move. You must realize that she’s controlling, but the power issues stem from her life being out of control.
These women aren’t born that way but tend to evolve after years of blows to their psyche that change them. According to Medical News Today, people who have personality disorders tend to be controlling, as well as those who have been victims of abuse. So, if they want to know where you are at every minute, scan your phone and other online devices looking for dirt on you, or try to control your access to your family, then you should run.
15. She’s Manipulative
Men don’t usually cry crocodile tears quite as well as a female. She’s learned how to use her tears to manipulate you into what she wants. For instance, if you say you’re not going to the movies and watching something she wants to see, her tears may show up to try to manipulate you into going anyway.
She can play the guilt card better than anyone, and if she doesn’t get her way, look out!
Everyone has things in their life that have happened to mold and shape them into the person they are today. However, the unhealed woman has been through something that has negatively altered her. She may be a victim of abuse or has grown up in a dysfunctional home where she was neglected, and her needs didn’t matter.
Trying to have a relationship with her is going to be difficult. Her needs will always overshadow yours, and she will never see what she does to you as wrong. An unhealthy woman can mess you up whether your lover or just friends, so be careful when getting involved.