Anger is one of the easiest emotions to show. Many people would rather be angry than to cry and show their vulnerability. You may be surprised to learn that there are four different types of anger, and each one of these hostile emotions comes from various reasons.
It’s okay to get upset and vent about your frustrations. However, when your rage becomes destructive, then it’s a sign you need help.
The Four Types of Anger
Who knew that when you get mad, your anger can be classified into distinct categories? Before you can learn proper techniques to deescalate your rage, then you must determine what type of frustration you have going on. Here are the four categories recognized by therapists.
If you are in a situation where you feel intimidated or need to be in control over someone else, then you may express your aggressive fury. People who regularly engage in this type of rage are often known as bullies. They can use both emotional and psychological violence to gain control.
From the outside, it looks as if this person is strong and powerful. However, the inside tells an entirely different story. Most of the people who suffer from this type of rage have insecurities that they cannot vocalize.
When someone repetitively has problems with fury and is aggressive, then it shows how serious the inadequacies within them. Rage is often a mask for weakness, and because they feel so out of control with their life, they must try to control others.
Suffering from aggressive anger brings about destructive tendencies. These people often have a difficult time in relationships, and their life is full of painful conflicts with loved ones and friends. Unless this person changes their ways, then the rage they feel will cause their ruin.
2. Temper Tantrums
A person who suffers from temper tantrums can often be confused or cross the lines of someone who suffers from destructive rage. These people usually have outbursts of anger when things don’t go their way.
The reason experts call them temper tantrums is because the cause of this fury often originates in childhood. Commonly, these people have unrealistic wants and needs that they demand are met.
They have a hard time finding someone that can measure up to their level of expectation. However, when things don’t meet their high standards, then they become very vocal and even aggressive. Think of how a child acts in their “terrible twos,” as this is the same type of behavior you can expect from someone with temper tantrums in adulthood.
Experts believe that something happened to alter the developmental and maturation process, and the person never outgrew those violent mood swings as a child. Instead, they have developed a narcissistic rage that fuels them.
Since it’s hard to meet their standards, they often have much difficulty in relationships. Even their family members may find it hard to be around them for long periods.
Annoyance is the most common type of fury that an average person would feel. These emotions are caused by everyday life. For instance, you may feel this type of rage when someone makes you late for work, or you disagreed with your spouse.
People who tend to have this type of fury are often those that tend to focus on the negative aspects of their life rather than the positive ones. They are easily annoyed and can be triggered without effort. Though annoyance can be commonplace, it can also develop into a severe problem.
Finally, the last stage of anger is the legitimate type. A person who experiences this type of rage often looks at things going on in the world and becomes enraged. They may not like cruelty towards animals, or they may feel that Mother Earth is being destroyed from careless acts.
While this type of fury is unhealthy, it does have a few benefits. Taking this rage and turning it into a passion for doing good can be productive. Instead of being mad at all the people that are being cruel towards animals, why not start a rescue program in your local area?
Though these people have a difficult time with their emotions, they should take their angst and use it to fuel the fire to help.
Five Ways to Stop the Anger and Destruction
Uncontrolled emotions are so easy to harness for good. However, there are several ways that you can stop the destructive fury that you feel. Here are some tips to help you handle your rage and deescalate the situation.
Breathing techniques have been used far and wide to help people that suffer from panic and anxiety. To the person who cannot control their emotions, it can feel much like a panic attack. The best thing to do is practice rhythmic breathing.
Rhythmic breathing should be done to the count of seven. You must inhale, hold, and exhale. This repetitious behavior will help you to calm the body. This little exercise will help you to gain control over your nervous system, which is out of whack during a time of rage.
If you start to feel those emotions of fury rising in you, then stop and start these breathing exercises. It’s often best to do it outside where you can inhale fresh air. Something about being out in nature also is very calming to people.
2. Take a Time Out
When people get to a certain level of rage, they often don’t care what they say or do. When you get to this place, then it becomes dangerous for you to be around anyone. Put yourself in time out until you have calmed down.
Going into time out means that you will not be around anyone that you could hurt with words you don’t mean to say. It’s not your logical self that’s speaking when you are upset; it’s the uncontrolled emotions behind you. You must stay away from others until you can learn to “be nice” again.
Have a special place that you go to deescalate when you are feeling your worst. For instance, if you have a porch swing that tends to be a place you can calm and relax, then sit on the swing. Practice your breathing exercises there until you feel that you have diffused your rage and can be around others.
3. Engage Your Thinking Brain by Redirecting
When you are about to blow your top, you need to stop and engage with your thoughts. Why are you so upset? Redirecting yourself can stop the emotion and put you in better spirits.
You need to identify what has upset you. Is it the fact that someone cut you off while driving to work, or is there something underlying that just exploded when you were given “the last straw?’
Write a list of the things that upset you, and then you need to write ways you can combat these issues. Set yourself up so that the next time someone cuts you off on the way to work, you turn the radio up loud and start singing.
Find tactics that can work to help you refocus your attention elsewhere. Don’t concentrate on the careless driver. Instead, turn your focus to the radio or call a friend. You will soon find that you have developed techniques to redirect yourself so that you can remain calm even when someone does you wrong.
When a child is upset and is fighting with someone else at daycare, workers try to redirect them towards something else. Soon they find that the reason they were mad isn’t even an issue anymore. You must learn to redirect yourself continuously.
4. Talk It Out
When you find yourself in a situation where your rage is soaring, then you need to acknowledge that you’re about to hit the edge. Rather than getting all upset, you need to talk it out.
Many times, people who have rage issues often feel that they are not being heard. If you feel like no one cares about your thoughts or feelings, it might be because you haven’t expressed to them how you truly feel. Take time to explain what is going on inside.
Your spouse or family must learn how to help you, deescalate. What works for one person might not work for others. However, talking through what’s on your mind can’t hurt. Just choose your words wisely, and you should never start swinging insults while letting the anger take over.
5. Count to 10
When you feel that you are hitting your peak and about to blow from rage, then you need to stop and count to ten. When you are counting, you are also breathing. Counting to ten is an old tactic that is used for people of all age groups as it helps your mind to calm down.
You can count while taking a nice long walk or isolating yourself. Do everything in your power to stop the current activity by disruption or redirecting.
Final Thoughts: Handling Your Anger
Life will give you many situations each day, which can cause you to see red. However, it’s learning how to control those issues that count appropriately. You may need a counselor to help you learn the art of breathing or redirecting your rage.
In most cases, there is an underlying issue of why you feel so angry all the time. It may be troubling from your childhood, or you may not feel like people hear you. Getting to the crux behind your rage can be beneficial in learning to control your seemingly uncontrollable emotions.