One thing that unites people is the need to be loved and cherished in a serious relationship. Most people strive to find someone they can spend their whole life with. We desire commitment so much that we write poems and books about it. And, no matter how badly we get hurt, the hope of finding it keeps us going. Love and relationships are something that we idealize so much.
Often, we can’t differentiate between what’s plausible and what’s fantasy. Not to mention that relationships and intimacy are taboo subjects when they shouldn’t be. While poets and artists can talk freely about commitment, society can’t have a healthy conversation about it. Parents sometimes feel ashamed to talk about how a serious relationship should look. Or they even think that talking about it would make their kids rush into something when that wouldn’t be the case. For some reason, we cherish love, but we also cherish abstinence, which makes people unable to talk about relationships.
But that’s not the only issue. Besides the lack of discussion on this topic, many other factors must be considered. People who have gone through a lot of trauma are often not ready for commitment. If you have recently gone through a big breakup, it’s probably not wise to start searching for a new partner. There are a lot of things that everyone needs to learn about relationships and how to approach them healthily. So, here are five signs that can tell you that you’re not ready for a serious relationship.
5 Signs You’re Not Ready for a Serious Relationship
1. You Still Haven’t Moved on From a Commitment to Your Ex
Often, we try our hardest to find a partner after a rough experience with love. A big breakup will make most people desperate to feel love and affection from someone new. That’s why the concept of rebounds is so popular. But in a time of inner turmoil, a serious relationship is the last thing you’ll be able to achieve. For some people, fooling around is a way to cope with a breakup.
That’s something you’ll have to decide for yourself. It might be good for you or make you feel even worse. But trying to create something serious when you’re not over your ex will never work, making you feel worse. There are many ways to know that you still haven’t moved on from your ex.
For one, you still haven’t let go of the hope that you might reconcile. You might still be holding on to a false perception of your ex, fantasizing about what you could be. Maybe you haven’t allowed yourself to grieve yet, or you didn’t give yourself the closure you needed. All these signs show you that starting a relationship with someone new is not a good idea.
2. You Don’t Know How to Compromise
One of the building blocks of any serious relationship is the ability to make compromises. Most immature relationships are selfish. In these relationships, people only look out for themselves without considering how their partner feels. Unfortunately, that’s the model that most people get. That’s the only way they have been shown a relationship can work. In our society, the need to make compromises is not something people value.
Instead, it’s seen as something terrible. It’s seen as a way to let others take advantage of you. But that’s not the case. In every relationship, there needs to be a balance. You need to learn how to make compromises in a way that benefits the relationship without hurting you as an individual. Before you look for a new partner, ask yourself how willing you are to compromise for someone else. How much would you give to mend something or ensure it never breaks?
If you think you wouldn’t be able to do something just to make someone else happy, then you’re not ready for a serious relationship. You must remember that compromise doesn’t always mean you’ll reach the best solution. But it means you can communicate and try to reach an agreement that works for both of you.
3. You Are Scared of Commitment
Many people are sure they can commit to one person and one person alone for the rest of their lives. But no matter how much we tell ourselves, that’s not always the case. Commitment is scary, and most of the time, people are not learning how to do it right. People are inherently curious, and they feel the need to explore. Having many casual relationships until you figure out what you like is nothing to be ashamed of.
But all this can only happen if you acknowledge that you need more time before learning what commitment means. And, before learning that, there’s no way you’ll be able to have a healthy, serious relationship. Commitment can mean something different for everyone. But people are taught that it can only mean being with one person for your whole life. That’s an archaic view that doesn’t suit everyone, yet we impose it on people.
But we see that more people are becoming interested in things like open relationships. That’s a type of relationship that can be just as committed as a monogamous couple. As long as there’s communication between partners, every issue can be solved. If you feel you can’t do that, you must learn about the issue’s root. That might be emotional trauma you’ve experienced in past relationships. Whatever it is, trying to heal will bring you one step closer to being able to commit.
4. You Don’t Love Yourself Enough for Commitment
Many people try to compensate for the fact that they don’t love themselves by looking for love in other places. The attention that someone else could give them is something that will make them feel good, at least for a little while. But, if you don’t love yourself, no amount of love from others will fix that. And you won’t be able to give back the love your partner deserves. If you are not at peace with yourself, you won’t be ready for a serious relationship.
Someone who doesn’t love themselves has a lot of emotional baggage. It’s not fair to put all that on someone else. And, even if your new partner would want to take that burden, it’s not healthy for either of you. What you need to do before entering a new relationship is to work on yourself. And, remember that self-love is a practice. There’s no way to flip a switch and suddenly change how you see yourself.
But you can work on bettering who you are. It’s especially important to work on your insecurities or any past trauma that you might have. Sometimes, that means having your support system help you. Talking to friends and family about what burdens you can be the best first step towards self-love. But a therapist can also guide you in your journey. Even if you feel lost and don’t know where to start, you need to remember there’s no shame in asking for help.
5. You Just Don’t Want to Be in a Serious Relationship
This might seem an apparent reason, but people aren’t always the best at understanding what they want. Being in a relationship is seen as a requirement for a happy life. You are probably at a point where people in your life pressure you to find someone and settle down. Your parents might ask you, “when are you going to give me a grandchild?”.
No matter how innocent they seem, questions like these can be very damaging. Little comments like these make us feel like we must be in a relationship. Otherwise, we feel like failures. There’s way too much focus on having a relationship and way too little on how to build a healthy partnership. Not to mention that there are still a lot of sexist perceptions surrounding relationships.
It seems like a person in a toxic relationship is valued more by society than a happy single person. But if you aren’t ready for a relationship, your heart and instincts will tell you that. All you need to do is listen to them. And understand that just because you are single doesn’t mean you are alone. Being single can be a great time to work on yourself and follow your dreams. Focus on your career, travel the world, and do whatever you want.
Cherish your independence and use it to your advantage for as long as necessary. And, when you’ve achieved what you want to achieve as an individual, you might want to start looking for love. But even then, you still might want to be alone. Some people are just happier that way. When and if you’ll want a relationship, you’ll know.
Final Thoughts on Signs You’re Not Ready for a Serious Relationship
Being in a serious, loving relationship is potentially the most fulfilling thing you could achieve in your life. Of course, not all people want a relationship, or maybe they don’t want a conventional one. That doesn’t change the fact that some people want a relationship but are not ready for one. But many signs show you that a relationship shouldn’t be your priority.
That doesn’t mean you will never be able to have a serious relationship. It means you should work on yourself more to learn how to nurture a serious partnership. A serious relationship can never be built because you are trying to fill a void. If you still haven’t moved on from your ex or are dealing with personal problems, it’s not the time to start a relationship. Maybe you are dealing with commitment issues or don’t know how to compromise.
Sometimes, the inability to build something stems from your insecurities. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t be able to love another person the way they deserve to be loved. Lastly, you might simply not want a relationship, and that’s alright. In the end, do whatever makes you happy, but don’t rush into something just for the sake of it.