Love relationships are far from easy. Trying to be on the same page as another individual is something that requires constant work. However, being in a relationship with a self destructive partner further complicates things.
Yes, it is possible to have a relationship with a person with destructive habits, but you have to ask yourself—is it healthy?
Habits of Self Destructive Partners
Self destructive people are on a path to, either consciously or subconsciously, self sabotage. Trying to enter into a relationship with such a person can spell trouble for your own personal wellbeing.
Keep reading to learn 16 habits of highly destructive partners.
1. They’re Self-Defeatists
Destructive partners tend to always have self-defeating mindset. While these people may not realize they are this way, their lack of self esteem can present itself in the way they think about everything—including you.
When they fail, they take it personally. Oftentimes, they never want to try again after being turned down for something that didn’t pan out
These self-destructive people like to focus on the things that have gone wrong in life and will act as such in their relationships.
If they notice their partner is unhappy or there’s a disagreement, they will likely believe they are the cause of the issue. Many often go on to worry that the relationship is already going to fail, which translates to them avoiding reaching out to their partner to save the relationship.
2. They Don’t Value Self Improvement
In healthy relationships, both partners should aim to prioritize self improvement, but many self destructive people don’t care to work on themselves.
Whether it is professionally or personally, these types of people simply accept life as it comes. They do little to go after their goals and are content with wherever it is they end up in life.
3. They Create Excuses
All of us from time to time use excuses in life. Whether we feel the need to explain away our mistakes or shift the blame to someone or something else, creating excuses is part of being human.
However, partners in relationships that are always relying on excuse after excuse to get out of their responsibilities should be considered a self destructive partner. The partners aren’t capable of taking a hard look at themselves to see that they may have played a part in a problematic situation.
4. They Pity Themselves
Self pity stems from having lower self confidence. Instead of wanting to change things about themselves, these individuals simply revel in the fact they never feel good enough.
This self-fulfilling behavior ultimately results in a miserable relationship. As your self destructive partner is always ready to feel badly for themselves, most of your energy will go towards trying to cheer them up.
In this sort of situation, your needs will go unmet as all of the attention is given to your partner. Instead of feeling badly for them, it’s time to to do what is best for you and find someone else that is uplifting.
5. They Treat Others Poorly
The negative energy that accompanies self destructive behavior extends to the way that these people treat others.
In their romantic, personal, and professional relationships, these individuals tend to treat others as negatively as they treat themselves.
They are often unnecessarily rude with other people—resulting in ruined relationships and missed opportunities.
6. They Abuse Alcohol and Drugs
This isn’t true of every self destructive person, but abusing drugs and alcohol is certainly a habit that will destroy one’s life.
Substance use addiction is incredibly destructive. If your partner abuses alcohol or drugs, you already are aware of how challenging dealing with an addiction can be.
While a partner that is fighting addiction needs love and support, if you find that this habit has affected your life significantly, it may be time to evaluate the health of your relationship.
7. They Avoid Emotional Connections
It isn’t always easy to discuss how you’re feeling with a partner.
Partners that have these destructive habits often avoid all forms of emotional intimacy. Whether they are afraid of what they feel or are too scared to openly connect with another person, a self destructive partner can never have a deep intimate relationship until they face their feelings.
8. They Socially Isolate Themselves
People with destructive habits often isolate themselves from friends, family, and society as a whole.
Whether they’ve alienated their loved ones or simply refuse to make any new connections, this destructive behavior will ultimately destroy whatever relationships they do have.
In a love relationship, this sort of behavior can make the other partner feel unloved. Refusing to communicate, go out, or spend time with their partner, these destructive habits make it clear that they want to be alone.
9. They Don’t Want to be Helped
Many people like to prove that they can do things on their own, but when they realize they need help, they ask.
Destructive people are so offended by the idea that they are not self sufficient that they flat out reuse help. Part of this behavior stems from their refusal to acknowledge their need for help.
This sort of partner will avoid couples counseling, refuse advice from coworkers, friends, and their partner, and will ultimately refuse to improve themselves as they believe there is nothing more they can improve upon or are so unhappy with themselves that they don’t see the point in trying to improve anything.
10. They Neglect Themselves
Just as destructive people tend to care very little for others, they also care very little for themselves. These habits extend to their diet, their fitness, and their hygiene.
Whether they eat too little or too much, rarely bather, or never workout, a clear lack of self care is an easy way to identify someone that has destructive tendencies.
Oftentimes, this lack of care is an extension of the way they feel about themselves. If they don’t like themselves, why bother taking care of their body?
11. They Overcommit
Just as some destructive partners tend to avoid committing to anything, some go in the other direction and overcommit to everything.
Some destructive people avoid taking time for themselves by going overboard with their commitments. In this way, they are exhibiting destructive behavior as they are neglecting their basic needs.
With no time to spare, these individuals leave no time for their partners. While there’s nothing wrong with being busy, partners that are unable to make time for their loved ones are actively working to destroy their relationships.
12. They Self-Harm
Self-harm is very serious and should be addressed immediately. This physical abuse of one’s own body is a clear sign that an individual is unhappy with themselves.
Though some people view this as an outlet for stress relief, harming yourself is incredibly destructive and ultimately causes more stress.
If your partner wants to self-harm or does self-harm, it is important that you encourage them to seek professional help as soon as possible.
13. Frequent Overspending
Irresponsibility with money is certainly a destructive habit.
Individuals that go out of their way to overspend or waste money on the wrong things are typically doing so as a way to overcompensate for how unhappy they are with their current financial situation.
This kind of overspending creates insecurity around one’s finances, making it difficult to build a relationship on such an unstable financial foundation.
14. Sabotaging Relationships
Though most of these behaviors will ultimately sabotage a romantic relationship, partners with destructive habits usually set out to destroy whatever hope they had at a loving relationship.
This can come about through emotional manipulation, possessiveness, jealousy, violence, and the like. Partners will act in this was because they ultimately believe they aren’t deserving of love.
15. They Abuse Their Partner
Physical, emotional, and mental abuse are all incredibly destructive habits.
While some partners outrightly display these behaviors, others may be more subtle about it.
If you are being victimized by your partner, you need to be honest with yourself and do what’s best for your wellbeing. There is no rom for growth with a partner that has these destructive habits. Moreover, your safety is being compromised the longer you stay with this person.
16. They are Lazy
We all need to take time for ourselves, but we also need to put in the work when it is necessary.
Partners that are always lazing around, rarely willing to put any effort into anything, and are always complaining when they have to do anything are lazy.
Though these individuals can explain away their laziness, this type of habit will ultimately take its toll on a love relationship.
Final Thoughts on Self Destructive Partners
Self destructive partners are deserving of love. However, these individuals must address their destructive habits if they hope to have a successful romantic relationship.
If you’re in a relationship with such an individual or you recognize some of these traits in yourself, it’s time to start making some changes. Use this guide to help you understand how to better yourself and build a stronger bond with the right partner.