It’s never easy to break up with someone with whom you shared a romantic relationship. Whether it was good or bad doesn’t matter; breaking up is hard to do. However, jumping right into another relationship seems like an excellent way to get over your heartbreak, but rebound relationships are a recipe for disaster.
Many people think the best way to get over one person is to fall for another, but it’s a bad idea. Rebound relationships are real, and there are feelings involved. While you may be coming out of a breakup, the other person may be ready, willing, and able to love you in the purest sense. You, on the other hand, have a lot of healing to do.
Sure, people get married on the rebound and even go on to find their true love, but it’s not always the case when you’re trying to get over someone else. You’re a human being, and you’re going to make mistakes along life’s journey. However, you must be careful because you tend to turn a blind eye to all the toxic things in a relationship when you’re in love.
The truth is that you need time to heal and to process all that’s happened in your previous union. While it feels good to move on and validate the feelings that you still have what it takes, it’s not always a sign that you’re over your ex. They say that it takes seconds to fall in love but a lifetime to get over it, and nothing could be more accurate.
Tales of Rebound Woes
Do you know how easy it is to jump into a rebound situation? Here are some speculative stories for you to consider.
Destiny was successful in life and love. She and her boyfriend of four years were going strong until he cheated. Destiny didn’t have the time or effort she needed to put into a relationship as a busy lawyer.
When her boyfriend dumped her for another woman, she felt betrayed, angry, and wondered what people would think. Everyone believed they were destined to be together and going to get married. Rather than taking time to heal and reflect, she jumped into a new relationship within a week with a partner at the law firm.
The relationship was messy, and it ended badly within two months. Now, she must face this guy every day, and it’s made things tense at work.
• Depressed and Vulnerable
Consider William, an auto mechanic whose wife left him after ten years of marriage. He is devastated, and they have two kids that are tangled in this situation. William is so hurt by his wife leaving him that he sinks into a deep depression.
His friends suggest he come to a club with them where he meets Danielle. They instantly have a connection and become physical. The relationship becomes friends with benefits, but the rebound situation lasts but a few weeks.
William didn’t really know much about Danielle, but she stole a bunch of money from him. She had a criminal history and a substance abuse habit. Thankfully, he got away from her before things could get any worse.
• Used to Settle The Score
Lisa was a carefree spirit that everyone loved. She had lots of friends and a boyfriend of six years. When Chris decided that he wanted to move on and try new things, Lisa became devastated.
To get back at him for leaving her, she started dating his best friend, Mark. Mark didn’t really want to be with Lisa, but he wanted to get back at his friend for a grudge he harbored from years prior. Though he treated her well, he was never emotionally available to her.
Though Lisa fell hard for Mark because of his kind and caring nature, she ended up hurt even worse when she found out he had a secret mission of revenge and used her. She would have been better off to have never even entertained a relationship with him.
Ten Reasons Why Rebound Relationships Are A Terrible Idea
If you’ve faced a breakup, you may want to reconsider jumping into a rebound situation. It would help if you had time to mend, which can take months or even years. Here are some reasons why these relationships don’t work.
1. No Time to Reflect and Heal
It would be best if you had time to reflect on what happened, process it, and grow. Every life experience gives you a chance to take inventory and purge the bad things in you. If you don’t use this opportunity to fix yourself, it could be a disaster for the next relationship.
2. You Can Be Taken Advantage Of
You’re very vulnerable after a breakup, so you need to be careful. In this vulnerable state, you can be taken advantage of, especially if you get with the wrong person. Not everyone in the dating world will have your best interests at heart.
3. It Can Be Dangerous
It’s impossible to have rational thinking when your heart has been ripped in two. Your emotions are raw, and you might find yourself in potentially dangerous situations. Many people turn to drugs and alcohol to ease their pain, and they’re just asking for an even bigger problem.
4. You’re Not on Your “A” Game
You want to give your rebound relationship the best chance possible. However, once you’ve been hurt and are trying to heal, you’re not exactly on top of the world. You’re not ready to give yourself a hundred percent to your rebound because a piece of your heart still belongs to your ex.
Rebounds are often a temporary fix to a long-term issue. Sure, it feels good to be desired and intimate with someone again, but it’s only going to put a band-aid on the wound. The truth is that it’s going to take time, and you’re not allowing yourself the proper amount of time when you jump back into a relationship too soon.
6. Your Reputation Is On The Line
It’s not uncommon for people to get into a string of relationships because they don’t take time to address their feelings. You certainly don’t want to have the reputation of being fickle and irrational, and if you hop from one relationship to another, this is precisely what people will think.
7. Ends Chances of Reconciliation
Many couples have an on-again, off-again type of union. If you jump into another relationship, it decreases the chances of getting back with your ex. They may see you as moved on and let it go, which might be for the better anyway.
8. They Often Don’t Last
The Modern Man referenced a study on rebound relationships and how many end in disaster. It was discovered that more than 65 percent of these relationships wouldn’t make it to the six-month mark.
9. Usually More Damaging Than Therapeutic
Rather than helping you, having a relationship with someone that isn’t right can cause further damage. Since you’re so vulnerable, you’re likely to find that this new person will only make things worse, no matter how good of a person they are in life.
10. It’s About Your Ex – Not You or Your New Love Interest
The fact is that this new relationship isn’t about you or your new love interest. Rather, this new person is all about getting back at your ex. You want to show them, yourself, and the world that you still have what it takes to get someone. It feels good to show your ex that you don’t need them to make it and that many people still find you desirable.
Getting Your Mojo Back
You’ve found out all the reasons why these rebound relationships don’t last, but you need to know how to get yourself back to a good place. Here are a few tips to help you get your mojo back and heal.
•Stop blaming the other party and take accountability for what you’ve done wrong.
•Get counseling to help you get over this breakup and move on.
•Purge the negativity from your life so that you can be more positive about your future.
•Don’t rush things. Take all the time you need to heal.
•It’s okay to see people as friends, but you should be upfront and honest with them about your situation.
•Work on your self-esteem. Try using positive affirmations to boost your ego and help you feel better about yourself.
One of the best sayings out there is “don’t get bitter, get better.” You must acknowledge any wrongdoing on your part in this relationship so that you can move on. There are always three sides to every story, yours, theirs, and the truth.
Breakups are torturous, but the good news is, according to The Huffington Post, it takes about four months to get over a broken heart. They say that time heals all wounds, and there is undoubtedly some truth to that adage.
Rebound relationships complicate things, and they can make matters much worse. Do yourself and others a favor and allow yourself the proper time to heal so that you’re ready to be involved with someone for all the right reasons.