Do you have a partner who behaves spitefully when you direct even the slightest attention away from them? Are they jealous of your every move?

It’s hard to make a relationship stronger when your partner is often negative. You must recognize the signs that he’s jealous and controlling early on. Don’t invest too much time in a non-productive partnership. We reveal ten signs of a jealous partner–and offer tips to try to salvage the relationship.

Ten Signs of a Jealous Partner

If you find that he or she exhibits behaviors like these ten, you might need to find a new one:

1. Your significant other doesn’t call you, text you, or respond when you’re out with your friends.

This behavior is your partner’s way of showing you that he or she resents the time you spend with others because you’re not with them. If he or she isn’t happy, then they don’t want you to be happy. Like anything else in life that feels overwhelming, the feeling of being ignored when you’re doing something that makes you happy is not acceptable.

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What should you do?

You may want to have an honest conversation with your partner to determine why they won’t answer your calls or texts when you are out with your friends. It’s always good to assume the best about your partner instead of immediately judging their motives. Without accusing them, ask your significant other a couple of questions such as these:

  • Were you upset that I was out with friends? Why?
  • Would you prefer I not call you when I’m out with friends?
  • How could we work it out for me to call and you to be able to answer?

Hopefully, they’ll be honest with you to understand better why they did what they did. If they are unwilling to answer your questions, remind them of your commitment to your relationship and how important it is for both of you to stay committed to your relationship for it to work out.

2. He or she won’t admit to feeling jealous but instead will withhold affection.

Sometimes, your love refuses to be intimate, especially after fighting. It feels like he or she is making you pay twice for their poor choice of behavior instead of accepting responsibility for their actions. You can tell if he or she really loves you by the way they look at you.

What should you do?

Jealousy is hard to admit. No one wants to be characterized as a jealous person. Your partner may not be aware of their feelings, or they may feel embarrassed to admit them.  If you’re sensing they seem jealous, you need to initiate a conversation with them. Ask them questions about how they’re feeling and why they’re doing what they’re doing.  It may take several conversations to get to the bottom of what they’re really feeling, but that’s okay. Be patient but firm with them.

Lack of affection in a relationship isn’t healthy, and using affection as a weapon is a sign of a deeper problem. Discuss your concerns with your partner, honestly and openly. Reassure them of your love and commitment to your relationship. But tell them you’re concerned that there could be deeper issues at hand, and you wonder if it would be helpful to speak with a pastor or counselor about their jealousy.

3. Your partner often makes excuses for not taking you out.

He or she doesn’t want you where you’ll attract attention from other people. If there is something your significant other doesn’t want to do with you, do it alone. Don’t let this person hold you back or make you regret not doing things that make you happy. You are the one who decides how to live your best life!

What should you do?

Don’t assume that your partner knows you like to go out. Express your desire to go out to your partner, explaining what you enjoy doing, like movies, going out to eat, or hiking on weekends. It seems weird to explain the obvious, but a partner isn’t intuitive enough to know these things. Assume your partner is probably clueless.

On the other hand, if you know for sure your partner won’t take you out because they’re angry at you, you must ask them why. Relationships are messy, and they require lots of messy conversations, so don’t be afraid to get in there with your questions. If your partner is unwilling to talk to you or ignores your questions, you may want to consider if this is a healthy relationship.

4. He or she wants to decide the mood for both of you.

He or she will work hard to adjust any plans to be in control. And they will sabotage things they don’t want to do. When he or she feels great, they expect you to feel the same. When he or she is feeling down, they expect you to be miserable. You don’t get to have a say in what you do with your time together because they remain firmly in control.

What should you do?

Some partners, by nature, like to lead in a relationship. They may assume that’s how you feel, too. It could be that they’re prideful or just plain ignorant. Don’t assume they’re mean to you, but be honest with them, telling them you’re uncomfortable with what they’re doing. Please don’t fall prey to their moodiness or control. Gently push back, but be firm in expressing your opinions. A healthy relationship doesn’t involve one partner controlling the other. If you are experiencing this, you may need to evaluate if this is a healthy relationship for you to be in right now.

5. Your love will take steps to avoid being alone with you. 

It’s hard for him to overcome jealousy. The underlying problem could be that you have both gotten into a boring intimacy pattern, and he doesn’t want to admit it. You could spice things up and increase both of your libidos by trying something new, like taking tango lessons.

What should you do?

For your relationship to last, you need time together. If your partner doesn’t want to be alone with you, this is a signal that there’s something broken in your relationship. Try to talk with your partner about this. If they’re unwilling, it may be time to suggest that you two should seek out some help for your relationship to succeed.

6. If you are in an excellent mood, your partner cuts you down.

Or, he or she brings up something negative to change your mood. You know that positive thinking, especially daily meditation, will lower your stress levels. Even when you haven’t done anything wrong, he or she feels better about themself by bringing you down. This is because your love suffers from low self-esteem or another personal problem with nothing to do with your relationship. Your partner is the jealous type, and his or her insecurities affect many of the days you spend together.


What should you do?

Your partner may be doing this without realizing it. They may lack a clear understanding of what’s driving their reactions.  A relationship with someone who isn’t emotionally mature can be tumultuous. Find ways to encourage your partner to share their feelings. Gently but firmly push back when they try to counter your mood. Explain that this makes you feel uncomfortable when they do this. If you sense they’re jealous of you, point this out.

Ask them questions about their feelings of jealousy, such as

  • Are their things that I’m doing to make you feel jealous?
  • Do you feel jealous of others or just me?
  • What do you think you should do about these feelings?
  • What can I do to help you when you’re tempted to feel jealous?
  • Do you think you should talk to a counselor about these feelings?

If they’re honest, encourage them. Remind them that everyone gets jealous, and you’re no different, but constant jealousy isn’t healthy.

7. He or she resists your positive influences.

You can pray for your partner and think positive thoughts, but they must want to commit to change. You want them to overcome jealousy, but they enjoy being miserable. When you suggest taking a walk on the beach together, he or she says, “No, I’ll stay home in my boxers and watch UFC. No fun today.”

What should you do?

Trust is a foundational part of any romantic relationship. You need to know that the other person has your best interest in mind so you can feel completely safe and loved. If your significant other resists your efforts to improve your relationship, it could mean that they don’t trust you. They may not feel like you have their best interest in mind. Lack of trust can erode your relationship and break down your ability to have honest, open conversations.

Gently but honestly, ask your partner questions about whether they trust you. Find out if they have past relationships where trust was a problem. Many times, people bring the baggage of failed relationships with them. This causes problems because they fear the same thing may happen again.

8. To make you feel jealous, your partner pays attention to other people.

He or she often looks at them, flirts with them, and adds them to Facebook or Instagram. However, whenever this happens, you aren’t “allowed” to feel jealous. If you try it, they get livid.

What should you do?

Don’t assume your partner is doing this on purpose. You can’t read their mind. When you’re alone,  ask your partner why they were paying attention to other people, but not you. Find out if there was something you did or said to cause them to feel this way. Everyone feels jealous once in a while. It’s a normal human temptation. Reassure them of your love and commitment, but you don’t feel comfortable when they do this.

Gently push back if they blame you for something you didn’t do. Don fall prey to their insecurities, but ask them questions to draw them out, such as

  • Do you think you may have felt jealous? Why?
  • What do you think you could do when you’re tempted to feel jealous?
  • How can I help you when you’re feeling jealous?
  • Jealousy isn’t a good basis for our relationship. What can we do to change?

9. He or she leaves the restaurant if you talk to another person.

Your partner doesn’t give you a chance to explain that you are reconnecting with a long-lost friend or a college study partner. Instead, they storm off, enraged that you know other people.

What should you do?

Studies show that when a person has trust issues, they will keep an eye on or test their partner’s loyalty. Their distrust may be rooted in a fear that you’re planning to leave them for someone else. Lack of trust in a relationship can turn into imaginative thinking that isn’t based on facts. It causes jealousy and suspicion. It would help if you got to the bottom of your partner’s trust issues. These can run deep-rooted from early experiences as a child.

Talk to your partner about your concerns related to trust and jealousy. Assure them of your love and commitment but that you think you both need outside help to work out these issues. If they’re unwilling, you need to consider getting counseling for yourself. You also need to evaluate if your partner really wants to change and to fight for your relationship.

10. He or she makes up details about past relationships.

You hate this because your love does it in front of friends, colleagues, or family members. If he or she were not insecure, they wouldn’t judge you for the past. A significant other who loves you will not use anything you might have shared to embarrass you.

Decide if your special someone is a positive person in your life. Be honest with yourself. Examine this person’s recent behavior patterns. Oprah Winfrey once said, “I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear.” If he or she treats you poorly most of the time, you can do better. You can choose to love yourself more and to set yourself free from this control problem. Wait for the partner who treats you right most of the time.

What should you do?

If your partner does this, initiate a conversation about honesty in your relationship. Try to understand what prompted them to lie to you. Are they feeling insecure in your relationship? Find out what you can do to help them. Honestly, tell your partner that you’re not comfortable with their lying to you. They don’t need to exaggerate the details of their past relationships for you to love them more.

Explain how important your relationship is to your partner, but remind them that for a relationship to grow, you need honesty and openness. If your partner isn’t willing to commit to being open and honest, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship. It may not be as healthy as you thought.  Please don’t assume you can change your partner unless they desire to change. Without this, there’s a good chance your partner will continue in their unhealthy patterns of jealousy and lying.

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Final thoughts on dealing with a jealous partner

Don’t let a jealous partner ruin your life. Your personal mental well-being and happiness are at stake here. If the tips to offset the jealousy fail to work, consider whether it’s your significant other is worth the heartache.