Marriage isn’t for everybody. At this point, you’ve probably attended multiple wedding ceremonies and maybe you’ve even been an bridesmaid or groomsman. However, if you’re still waiting to tie the knot with someone, you might wonder why you’re not married.
Watching your friends get married can inspire thoughts of the same possibility for yourself. If you haven’t gotten hitched by now, here’s 11 possible reasons why you’re not married yet.
Here are some common reasons why you haven’t gotten married:
1. You’re not married because need to work on you first
It’s difficult to give your all to someone when you are still a work in progress yourself. In a survey of young adults, marriage readiness was viewed as a 2 step process. First, there is a shift from being cared for by others to taking care of oneself. Secondly, there is a transition from self-care to caring for others.
These findings suggest can easily explain why you’re not married; until you learn to have meaningful relationships, understand life-long commitments, and learn to care for others, you might not believe you’re ready for marriage.
2. You’re still clinging to an old flame
If you have hopes of rekindling things with someone who you haven’t let go of, that could be why you’re not married yet. If you aren’t ready to move on, you aren’t ready to be married yet either. How can you hope to find Mr. or Mrs. Right when Mr. or Mrs. Might-Have-Been is still on your heart and mind?
3. You’re not ready to commit
You enjoy dating, meeting many new people and having fun. Why choose just one? Deciding to prepare for settling down in marriage is sometimes a case of how soon you think you will be making a move to marry.
In a study of young adults, those who perceived that they were fast approaching marriage age were less likely to have patterns of alcohol or substance use, were less sexually permissive, and were more likely to be developing strong family values. These results suggest that people are going to sow their wild oats as long as they can before getting ready for marriage, and might explain why you’re not married yet.
If you’re having fun in various bedrooms, a marriage might not be your idea of fun, and could be why you’re not married. Casual sex can be enjoyable, but it is not likely to lead to marriage anytime soon. If you’re ready to make a change away from promiscuity, read our article on 5 Ways to Make Love Without Having Sex.
4. You’re not married because you don’t want to get married
There is no rule saying that you have to get married. You may feel pressure or an expectation to, but there is no reason that you should get married just for those reasons. You may have decided that marriage just isn’t the best thing for you at this point in your life and that’s perfectly fine, hence why you’re not married.
5. You’re stuck on social convention/parental expectations
Your parents wouldn’t approve of the person that you are with and their opinion matters to you, so this might explain why you’re still single. Or perhaps you want to find someone who has the same faith or cultural background as you do. Some cultures still have arranged marriages so you may decide to keep to that tradition if it is important to you.
6. You’re not married because you don’t believe in marriage
You feel like marriage is an outdated custom that you don’t feel any pressure to follow. Marriage doesn’t have to be the end point of a stable, committed relationship. Other people expect marriage to be the outcome of love, but you don’t have to accept their expectations.
7. You’re too cynical
Marriages end in divorce so often that you aren’t sure that it wouldn’t happen to you. Currently, approximately 53% of marriages end in divorce and in America, it is estimated that a divorce happens once every 36 seconds.
Divorce rates are higher for those whose parents are divorced and those who have been previously married. The odds are against you, and some people choose not to play at all, which may explain why you’re still single.
8. You’re not married because don’t know how to compromise
If you love having things the way that you like them and can’t imagine setting aside anything to make room for another person, your inability to find a middle ground could be the reason why you’re not married.
If you are selfish or easily become angered at others when you can’t have things your way, you aren’t ready to be half of a union. Marriage requires both partners to compromise and work together cooperatively. You can read more about the signs that you might have an anger problem here.
9. You have options
Another reason why you’re not married is because thanks to the increase in civil unions and domestic partnership options, marriage is only one of many options available to you. Marriage is a legal contract, after all, and you want to make sure that you are taking care of your best interests.
10. You’re not married because haven’t found the right person yet
You definitely shouldn’t rush to get married if you think your partner is not the one that you want to spend forever with. Maybe it’s not that you’re not too picky, you’re just picky enough but you haven’t found someone who checks all of your boxes yet. If you’re unsure about your current relationship, you can read our article about 10 Signs Your Relationship is Wrong For You.
11. You can’t afford it
Another reason why you’re not married is because a wedding ceremony is a major economic hurdle for a couple to face at what is often a starting point in their commitment to each other. Spending tens of thousands of dollars on a party that lasts less than one day ends up putting couples in debt before they’ve even tied the knot. Bringing debt to a marriage is a significant source of stress for a young couple.