A close relationship with the right partner is important to your health and happiness. You want your relationship to be the right match for you, but sometimes the initial attraction isn’t enough to make a lasting partnership.
Tension, boredom, frustration, fear and anger are not emotions that you should be feeling often when you have a healthy romantic partnership.
Evaluating your feelings about the relationship is a good place to start when you’re not sure if it’s the right relationship for you, but here are 10 signs that it’s probably the wrong relationship.
10 Signs Your Relationship Is Wrong For You
1. You feel contempt.
Not being in love with your mate anymore is one thing, but feeling hatred or contempt for their behavior is a very bad sign for your relationship. Bitterness, resentment and fear are also painful negative emotions that are not part of a healthy partnership.
2. You blame each other.
Your partner blames you for the way things are in the relationship, but you’re blaming them at the same time. It’s likely that you both share some responsibility for the way things are.
You can read more about how accusations are harmful for a relationship here.
3. You are very different people.
Your partner likes to sit and watch TV all day but you’d rather be out socializing with friends. If you have very different interests, one of you is going to feel let down when their needs are not being met. Major personality differences can lead to conflict in a relationship.
When you met, you felt a connection, but now that you’ve learned more about each other, you just don’t have the same things in common anymore. Couples have an easier time if they share similar backgrounds, culture, beliefs, education and economic status.
You can read more about the importance of having similar backgrounds here.
4. You aren’t acting like yourself.
If you’ve changed as a person since you began this relationship, and it’s not for the better, it’s a sign that your relationship is wrong for you. Ideally, your partner would help you to become a better person. If you are declining in health, determination, focus, or emotional well-being, it is probably time to look for another partner who can provide a more fulfilling bond.
5. You’ve lost interest.
Your partner tells you about their day but you didn’t really hear them because you’re just not interested. If you or your partner has stopped listening, it’s a sign of a communication problem. This is easily fixable if you work on active listening with your partner, but maybe you don’t want to make the effort.
6. You have different goals.
When you met, you talked about your future together. You made plans for your living arrangements and how you would share financial responsibility in the relationship. Maybe you talked about having children or your career goals. If things have changed and your partner no longer shares your dream, it’s a sign that this relationship is not going to have a future much longer.
7. You have relationship fantasies involving other people.
Emotional cheating is still cheating. If you’ve found yourself envisioning a better life, even if it’s with a fictitious romantic partner, it’s a sign that you are not fulfilled by your current relationship.
Talking to a potential romantic partner about your relationship problems when you feel like you can’t talk to your partner about them is a sign of broken communication in the relationship. You should be able to tell your partner what’s upsetting you. Working it out with someone that is a possible romantic partner means that you are seeking an understanding connection with someone else.
8. You don’t want to be intimate.
You’ve stopped touching, kissing and cuddling like you used to when your relationship was new. You lie in bed away from each other. Sex isn’t interesting to you anymore and you aren’t likely to initiate anything intimate with your partner.
9. You don’t trust each other.
Trusting your gut when something doesn’t feel right is smart. If you’ve just got a feeling that your partner is hiding something from you, it might be a sign that you either need to confront them about it or move on. Distrust in a partnership leads to accusations.
You can read more about how a lack of trust can hurt a relationship here.
10. You aren’t making an effort.
In a study of married couples at the seven year mark, couples who reported being stuck in a rut and very rarely did anything exciting together also reported very low satisfaction in their marriages nine years later. Boredom in a relationship now can cause significant unhappiness later.
When it comes to doing anything new and exciting together, you or your partner don’t want to make the effort. And that’s understandable if it’s the wrong match. Why invest time and money in this relationship if it’s wrong for you?
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When you’re at a breaking point and have decided that something must change, you can ask your partner to work with you to make things better. You can also seek the help of a professional couples counselor. Or, you can trust your gut and get out of a bad relationship before it causes more emotional harm.